


The only exception

by Lethp16



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Developing Love, Explicit Sexual Content, Friends With Benefits, Friendship, M/M, Romance, Starting Over, developing feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-13
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2018-04-03 12:34:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 62
Words: 194,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4101124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lethp16/pseuds/Lethp16
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erik and Jonas are not having a good time when it comes to their careers. Jonas is on loan at Mainz but can't play due to injury. Erik, for the same reason, feels bad as he watches Dortmund be kicked out of Champions League knowing he couldn't do anything to help.</p><p>On that night Jonas decides to visit Erik. He was his best friend and Jonas wanted to be there for him. But something happens that will change their friendship. They will have to figure out how things will stand afterwards.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "It was only a kiss"

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of fiction. Even though somethings are based on real life events, the rest is all fiction.
> 
> I'm a bit insecure about posting this. It's my first story published here and my first time writing about Erik and Jonas (Durmann). English is not my first language, so there might be a few mistakes. And I have no idea how you'll react to this.This is told mostly from Erik's POV but we'll know about how Jonas thinks through their talks. But I might write a chapter or more on Jonas POV as the story goes on.
> 
> I would love you to leave comments to let me know what you think of it. I'll appreciate your opinions. 
> 
> Dortmundbvbbabe, if it wasn't for your lovely (and a must read) story 'The lies we tell' that got me to lke them, I wouldn't be writing this story. Thank you.

Chapter 1 - "It was only a kiss"

Erik closed the door of his apartment, dropped his backpack on the ground and threw himself on the couch. He was feeling very frustrated. Borussia had just lost the match against Juventus which got them eliminated from the Champions League. This season was being very unusual for the team. They had lost many matches and struggled a lot in the matches they had managed to win.

And what made him feel worse was the fact that he couldn't do much to help. Since the beginning of 2015 he was struggling with injuries. He first got injured when the team was in La Manga in January. He would be 4 weeks away. Just as he was about to get back in the team training, he caught a flu that took him down for almost 3 weeks. When he was slowly getting back into traning, he had some considerable muscular issues that kept him from playing again.

All he could do was to support the team and he would always go to the stadium whenever they had a home game. But for him it wasn't enough. Not that he would do any miracles but he wanted to help more. Seeing the team in this situation and not being able to help was very frustrating. 

He was lost in his thoughts when he heard the doorbell ringing. He wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone so he just kept quiet hoping that whoever it was would leave soon. But it didn't and his eyes flew open by the unexpected familiar voice he heard.

"Hey, I know you're there. C'mon, open up."  
"Sorry, I was asleep" Erik said when he opened the door and saw Jonas. He couldn't help but to notice straight away the boy's messy hair. It was very weird but he actually looked hotter than ever. When Erik realized what he had just thought he felt like throwing up. What the hell was he thinking? He was glad Jonas didn't seem to notice he was into a mental debate.  
"You're a terrible liar." Jonas said as he came inside the apartment, dropping the backpack he carried next to the door beside Erik's. "I just thought you needed a friend. Knowing everything you've been through recently, I think having a friend wouldn't be a bad idea. And I'm sure these beauty are of great help." Jonas showed the six pack beer he carried and put them on the counter.  
"You know I don't drink"  
"Well, judging Borussia's bad season I wouldn't be surprised if you had just started. But no problem, I'll drink one for you."  
"We're not that bad now, we've been worse. Tell me, you came all the way from Mainz in record time just so I could have some sort of a friendly shoulder to cry on?  
"Actually I got in Dortmund yesterday, I've been busy with my apartment, putting stuff in order once I'll be back soon. But if it's a crying shoulder you need, come here budy." Jonas had a big smile on his face as he opened his arms inviting Erik for a hug. The blonde just threw a cushion at him.

They sat on the couch and played a few matches on fifa while they talked about a lot of stuff. Jonas was drinking his beer while Erik choose to have a coke. They had played 2 matches , 1 win to each of them. For the third match Erik picked Barcelona while Jonas picked Real Madrid. The match was almost over, the score was 3x3, and Erik saw Pepe make an bizarre own goal giving the lead to Barcelona. He laughed at such odd move but stopped when he saw Jonas smirking. 

"Did you just let me win?"  
"I might have. I noticed you needed a little cheering up. So why not?"  
"You just saved me from a very boring and lonely night. Thank you, I appreciate it. I really had fun"  
"Isn't that what friends are for?" Jonas made a pause. Erik's eyes met Jonas' for a couple of seconds. He could've swear he saw something different in the way the brunette looked at him. Jonas smiled again. "Anyway, would you want to one day play in a team like Real Madrid or Barcelona?  
"Are you kidding me? Who wouldn't? But playing in such big teams means even more pressure. I'm happy with how I'm developing as a fullback and always working hard to get better. And honestly, I don't even know if they would even want me. What about you?  
"For now I'm just glad I'll be back to Dortmund soon. And for what we all can see from our form this season, I'm being totally missed here." Jonas winked at him  
"Oh, we definitely miss you too much, Hoffy. Could you please come back right now and save our asses?" Erik joked as he shook Jonas by the shoulders. "Seriously though, I missed... We all miss you. It'll be great to have you back"  
"Did you just admit that you miss me?"  
"Well, I do. I miss how we get along on and off the field. I can't wait untill we can go out as we used to and for us to be playing together, exchanging passes and creating goals. I just hope they don't send you away again."  
"You know, I was welcomed very well at Mainz and I'm having a good time there. But I confess I expected it to be a bit more challenging. Sure, my knee operation didn't help but still... I can't wait to get back for next season so we can play on the same team again." Jonas was enthusiastic with the thought of it. However, he noticed Erik becoming serious. "What is it? Please, don't tell me it's what I think it is.  
"I just renewed my contract less than eight months ago. Right now I don't think about leaving but I can't rule out if something very good comes up."  
"And by the look of it, there's something going on. Which team?"  
"It's nothing official so it doesn't matter"  
"Maybe not now but it will matter in the future. Tell me, I can keep a secret"  
"Bayern is keeping an eye on me. Planing for the future." Erik tried to keep a serious face.  
"Bayern? Really? It has to be some kind of joke." Jonas stared at him annoyed  
"It isn't. A safe source told me Bayern wants to buy a fullback who can play both sides for the next season. Philipp Lahm is retiring in a couple of years and they plan to start preparing now a young player to be ready for when the time comes. Like how it's happening in the national team. I'm currently playing left but Löw once said that maybe he would switch me to the right side."  
"And you think Bayern is interested in you?  
"I don't think. I just know. Besides, I'm way too good for them not to want me." Erik winked at him not able to hold his laugh.  
"Your humbleness surprises me, your idiot. Don't scare me like that. You suck at lying and still manages to make me believe it even if it's for a few seconds. I hate you."  
"Then you better love me because you won't get rid of me that easily." Erik put his arm around Jonas' shoulder. With that move Jonas' face was only inches away from his. Since the brunette was one of his best friends he didn't mind or thought it was a big deal.  
"To get rid of you is the last thing I would ever want." Jonas whispered. His eyes wandering from Erik's eyes to his lips for a few seconds. "I'm sorry that I couldn't be here with you through such bad time that was the first half of the season. I know it hasn't being easy for anybody but here I'm talking about you. I can only imagine how tough it has being for you. One moment you win the world cup and in the other moment your team is very instable."  
"It feels like I'm in a roller coaster. Going from very high to down low on the blink of an eye. At least it seems things in Mainz aren't so bad."  
"It depends on how you see it. I went to Mainz because I'd have more opportunities to play as I probably wouldn't have this season at Dortmund. It was cool to play there but I can't wait to come back home. To where I shouldn't have left even if it meant I would spend the whole season on the bench or playing with the U23 team."  
"We should just pretend this season never happened." Erik sighed. His arm no longer on Jonas' shoulder. He just stared at the ground. "It's been a nightmare. When you think it can't get worse, it does."  
"What is wrong with you? The Erik I know doesn't give up this easily."  
"This season is what is wrong. The only positive thing is that we won't get relegated. That is me thinking it's impossible to get any worse."  
"We should talk about something else. Talking about all the problems isn't doing you any good. I believe you need some distraction. I think I could help cheering you up." Jonas patted Erik's thigh and kept his hand there. "Can I be completely honest with you?"  
"Sure.... Should I worry?" Erik asked. He had noticed the way the brunette had been glancing at him and now having Jonas hand on his thigh was starting to feel weird." I mean, I know you're always honest with me but you never needed to ask permission. Something serious?"  
"One positive thing I can take from Mainz, is that being away made me realize things that I never expected. I may regret saying this later but I need to let it out."  
"If you feel like you'll regret it then you better not say anything. You can't take it back later."  
"You're right, maybe I shouldn't say anything." Jonas' voice was filled with confidence. He picked up the courage and decided to go ahead. Maybe the two beers he drank was giving him a little help with that. He didn't care. He was conscious of what was about to happen. "I'll do it, instead."

What happened next caught him off guard. He felt Jonas' hand touch his face and the brunette claimed his lips. Erik considered pushing him away but suddenly he just couldn't do it. Instead, his eyes closed and he found himself kissing Jonas back. The kiss was needy, slightly rough but with a hint of passion. He felt Jonas lick his lips and parted them allowing the brunette to explore his mouth. He moaned into the kiss when their tongues met. When Jonas slipped his hand underneath Erik's shirt, the blonde pulled away stunned. 

"What did you just do?" A confused Erik asked once he managed to catch his breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Thoughts? Is this good? Is this okay? Is this bad? Let me know what you think. Kudos are appreciated as well.


	2. "How did it end up like this"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik and Jonas share a moment that will change their friendship forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... In most of times, in a love story, people get to know each other, become friends, fall in love and then progress as a couple. For this story I wanted to try something different. I twisted the order in which things happens. 
> 
> This chapter contains explict sexual content. As it's my first time writing such content, I can only hope that the writing is decent. I have mixed feelings about this chapter. I like it because it's part of where I want to take this story. On the other hand, I have no idea how you'll react to that. (I can't help but feel embarrassing about posting this. Lol. My cheeks are probably more red than when Erik gets his cheeks flushed.)
> 
> Thanks for the feedback on the first chapter. I really loved and appreciated each of your comments and thoughts.
> 
> Now I hope you enjoy this

Chapter 2 - "How did it end up like this?"

Erik stood up putting some distance between them. He thought it was the safest thing to do in that moment. He looked in the brunette eyes and he noticed the boy looked at him with lust. He wasn't sure if he should be scared or excited. Jonas was an attractive young man, Erik didn't have a problem in admitting it to himself. But that didn't mean he liked him that way. Jonas was his best friend, he never thought or dared to think of him under any perspective other than friendship. On the other hand, even though the kiss felt wrong at first, he found himself wishing for more. He was into girls, he had no doubt about that, but Jonas' kiss actually felt good. However, he would deny it till death if someone ever asked.

"I had to. And I'm not sorry at all." Jonas stood on his foot, unwilling to let Erik stand too far from him. "You're what I miss the most from Dortmund. It has been a while since the last time we saw each other. I needed to see you again."

"But we talk on the phone every week."

"You know it's not the same thing. And to be honest, I really wanted to know what it felt like kissing you. I can't say I'm disappointed."

"Jonas, I'm not gay. And the last I knew you weren't either. Did Mainz change you that much?"

"I'm not exactly gay. I just wanted to try something different. I was always attracted by girls but I wondered how it was like to be with another man."

"I guess you have that figured that out by now."

"I met this guy, around my age, he had been wondering the same things I had. We decided to give it a try. We did it twice. Casual but safe sex. He wanted a third time but by then I couldn't do it."

"Bad experience?"

"Not exactly. It was cool, we had some fun. But..." Jonas walked closer to Erik while the blond gave a few steps back. He ended up trapped between the door and the brunette's body. "I figure it should be an even better experience if you get to do it with someone you like." Jonas whispered in his ear.

"And what do I have to do with any of this?" Erik knew the answer but he asked anyway. Jonas' actions were too obvious for him not to notice. He looked again in the boy's blue eyes, the lust was still there, his pupils dilated.

"I want you..." Jonas kissed him once again, tenderly this time. "... Don't ask me why, I just really want you.."

"What the hell?" Erik had hoped it was some kind of joke but seeing how Jonas was serious, he realized it wasn't. The brunette backed off a bit giving him space to walk away but Erik didn't move, keeping their bodies within a reachable distance. "What's going on with you? Are you on drugs? Out of your mind? You're drunk, aren't you?"

"You know I don't do drugs. I had only two beers. That doesn't get me drunk. And I'm very conscious of what I want. And that's you."

"I can't do that."

"You can't or you don't want to?"

"I can't. My best friend comes at my place and all of a sudden tells me he wants to have sex with me like it was something normal. What do you expect from me? To work some miracle?

"Apparently, a miracle won't be needed" Jonas smirked as he slipped his hand down and squeezed the blond's bulge. Erik's eyes went wide and he sucked in the air as he felt himself hardening under Jonas' touch. "See, it wasn't that hard. Or should I say, it's just about to get that hard."

"What do you expected? I'm not used to have someone touching me there. And I'm not the kind of guy who has sex with everyone who says they want to have sex with me. I don't have sex with anyone just for fun."

"I don't either. But then, I'm not anyone, am I? You know me better." Jonas ran his hand through his hair messing it even more than how it already was. It was getting harder for Erik to resist. And Jonas was well aware of it. So much so, that he pressed his hips against Erik's. There's no way the blond wouldn't notice how hard he was.

"I'm starting to think I don't."

"You know what? It's not my intention to force you into something you don't want. If you don't want me, it's okay I guess. You can send me away, kick me out of your place. I'll understand.

"No. It's not like that. I just...."

"Tell me to leave and I'll leave and we can forget this conversation ever happened."

Erik never felt as conflicted in his life as he was feeling right now. It had never crossed his mind the possibility of sleeping with another man. It was something he would decline right away. He had his sexuality sorted out. But right now, he was moved by the way Jonas had kissed him. He felt wanted and suddenly he found himself curious about how this experience would feel like. Jonas was his best friend, they understood each other and got along very well. The thought of sharing such intimate moment with him didn't look so bad. He kept quiet while deciding what he should do. Jonas took his indecision as if the blond was afraid of hurting him by saying no.

"It's okay. Sorry to have bothered you with this. I couldn't possibly have expected you to accept it. But it was nice to see you again, anyway." Jonas didn't wait for an answer, he grabbed his backpack and was about to open the door when Erik reached his arm.

"Wait. I can't let you go home like this." Erik still could see the brunette's erection through his pants. "What kind of friend would I be if I let you walk home with a hard on. Feel free to go to the bathroom, relieve yourself, take a shower and then you can crash on the couch if you want."

"Thank you. I appreciate that." Jonas said as Erik lead him to the bathroom. "I just hope things don't get awkward between us because of what I said and for kissing you."

"Why would it?" Erik handed him a spare towel. "We're good." Erik tried to reassure the brunette but by the look on his eyes, Jonas wasn't convinced. "Look, I'll be honest with you. It's not like I don't want it, it was just very unexpected. I've never even thought of being with a man before. I wouldn't know what to do. I'd probably blow it."

"Well, that's exactly how you do it." The brunette joked and they both laughed. It helped Erik to relieve a bit of the tension he was feeling. Jonas bit his lip as he started unbuttoning his shirt. Way too slow in Erik's opinion.

"Fuck this." Erik said as he couldn't take it anymore. He ripped Jonas shirt off his body, buttons flying everywhere. He crashed their mouths together as he dragged the brunette to his bedroom. In the way Jonas managed to pick his backpack. He was a careful person, so of course he was prepared.

They were standing in front of Erik's bed. Jonas barely managed to take the blond shirt in between their heated kiss. As soon as Erik stepped out of his pants, wearing only his boxers, Jonas pushed him on the bed and after undressing himself, leaving only the boxers as well, he lowered himself over the blond's body. He suck slightly at his neck. Erik shivered at the sensation.

"Are you sure you want to go ahead? We can stop here if you're uncomfor...." Jonas was interrupted by another hungry kiss.

"Now I'm the one who wants it." Erik couldn't keep away from the brunette's mouth for even a few seconds. "If this sucks, don't blame me."

"Don't worry, I'll help you. Trust me, you will enjoy it. I'll make sure we both will"

Erik tensioned when Jonas pulled off his boxers. He felt totally exposed in front of another man. The brunette noticed it and took off his own boxers without breaking eye contact. He saw Erik's eyes wander over his body, with lust for the first time. He kissed the blond once again, playing with his tongue to distract him from what he was about to do. Apparently it wasn't enough because Erik flinched when he wrapped his hand on the blond's shaft.

"Oh my.... It's so weird to have another man handling my..." Erik couldn't finish his sentence since he broke into laughter. He used his arm to cover his eyes.

"Don't worry, you have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. I think you...."

"Just shut up and get it going!" Erik demanded. It caught Jonas by surprise but it only made his arousal rise.

Erik felt Jonas lips exploring his body, going from his neck to his chest, licking his nipples while the brunette stroke him gently. He bit his lip trying not to make any sound. It was gettying hard to control it. Erik moaned startled when he felt Jonas tongue running up and down his shaft. He almost screamed when the brunette swallowed him whole seconds later. He started to move his head sucking and licking his cock. Erik never felt something so good before. The way Jonas sucked him without breaking eye contact was way too hot and Erik gave up starting to moan more often not of afraid what Jonas would think of him later. He moved his hand to the back of Jonas head, not forcing him, only running it through his dark hair.

The pleasure was becoming too much. He was very hard and leaking pre come. Jonas tasted a few drops and even wanting to keep going and make him come to swallow what Erik would give him, he had other plans. The loss of contact made Erik groan loudly. He was about to complain but Jonas kissed him and he could taste himself on the brunette's lips.

"Why did you stop? I'm so close."

"Not yet. I have better plans" Jonas reached his backpack and got condons and a bottle of lube. Erik's eyes went wide seeing the items. "Don't worry, I'm not using these on you. But I hope you will do me. If you want to."

" I don't how to do it. I mean, I've had only experiences with girls. And just a few times."

"I don't have that many experiences either. Just let me show you"

Erik watched as Jonas put some lube on his own fingers and started working himself open. He didn't know how the brunette could do that right in front of him and not even look embarrassed or something. The view was driving him nuts. He couldn't just keep looking, he wanted to be the one pleasuring Jonas. But since it was his first time he chose to watch and learn. Once he was done, Jonas straddled Erik's hips and put a condom on the blond's cock. Erik sucked in the air.

"Should I panic now?" Erik joked

"Just relax. It may feel uneasy at first but I swear it'll feel better."

Erik's eyesight almost blurred by the sight of Jonas slowly lowering down onto his cock as he bit his lip. He gripped the sheets as the brunette stayed still giving both oh them time to get adjusted to the situation.

"Doesn't it hurt?" Erik asked taking deep breaths. It was slightly painful for him but he thought it probably was because he was rock hard into Jonas tight heat.

"A little at first." Jonas admitted and before the blond could take back any action, Jonas continued. "But don't worry, it's normal. You'll soon figure out that the pleasure that comes after the pain makes it worthy."

Erik held his breath as Jonas started to roll his hips slowly and gently. Careful not to hurt or scare him. He started to speed up his movements gradually. Erik moaned more often and arched his back. Jonas took it as a signal the blond was comfortable and started riding him, sliding up and down Erik's cock.

The sounds of sex invading the room and Jonas moaning loudly were driving Erik nuts. He couldn't hold himself anymore and started to thrust his hip to meet Jonas'. Their movements in sync becoming erratic. Erik finally lost his last fears and increased the rythim of his thrusts into the brunette's hole. A few seconds later he went still when he hit something and Jonas practically screamed his name.

"Did I hurt you? Did I do something wrong?"

"You did more than right. You hit my prostate. Just keep aiming your thrusts like that."

Erik was unsure for a moment but once the brunette started riding him again, he knew it was okay. However, he had a better idea. He pulled Jonas' face closer and kissed him, their tongues battling for dominance. He managed to distract the brunette, took the chance and rolled them over, still deep inside Jonas core. Now he was topping and the brunette immediately crossed his legs behind his waist.

Erik wasted no time and pounded into him harder. Going deeper than ever, hitting his prostate at every thrust. Jonas was a moaning mess. Erik could feel he was very close to come but he wanted to wait for him. He reached for Jonas cock that was wet with his pre come and stroked it to the same rhythm of his thrusts.

"Oh my... Erik!" It was all Jonas could say as he came shooting his load in the brunette's hand and his own stomach. Erik couldn't quite believe he managed to pleasure Jonas that much. After a couple more rough thrusts he came hard as he had never before emptying himself in the condom.

Erik collapsed spent over Jonas body. The brunette wrapped his arm around him rubbing his back. Once Erik caught his breath again he slipped out of Jonas so they could get themselves clean and in into their briefs. But Jonas started to put his clothes back on.

"It's late. You can stay over for the night if you want." Erik offered.

"You sure it's okay?"

"Why wouldn't it? You must be tired, at least I know I am, come sleep here with me. I'm not insensible to the point of kicking you out right after sex." Erik patted on the bed right on his side and Jonas lay down facing him. "Besides, I don't know what about you, but I wouldn't mind a few more kisses before falling asleep."

Erik smiled innocently but it only teased Jonas. Probably to whoever looked at the blond, his appearence practically screamed innocence all over. Jonas was so glad to have been able to discover this 'not so innocent' side of him. They exchanged a couple of tender kisses and soon both fell asleep exhausted.

On the next morning, Erik struggled to wake up when the alarm rang. After a few minutes he opened his eyes and realized he was alone in bed. The memories from last night were a little fuzzy at first. He knew he hadn't slept alone but he also didn't remember bringing a lady home. Even more considering he wasn't the type of guy to bring someone he barely knew to his place. He sat up on bed and saw a note on the nightstand.

_"I hope last night was for you as great as it was for me. I had to leave early but didn't want to wake you from your peaceful sleep. By the way, I borrowed one of your shirts since your tore mine apart. Not that I'm complaining ;). See you (hopefully) soon._  
_Jonas."_

Erik stared at the paper. Flashes from last night going through his mind. Suddenly he felt stunned at the memories. He was having a hard time to believe it actually happened.

"Gosh, what have I done?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Thoughts? Let me know what you think. Comments and kudos are appreciated. They're what keeps me motivated to write more.


	3. "Do you regret it?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... here is the first time they meet after their night together. At first, for the scene of them alone in the dressing room, I planed to write Erik being angry but as I wrote it I end up doing different. I just couldn't picture them mad at each other. Guess I'll save angry Erik for later in the story.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter.

Chapter 3 - "Do you regret it?"

The first thing Erik did that morning was to take a shower. He thought it'd be a good idea to relieve the tension he was feeling. It worked to get his body relaxed. But not his head. His mind was busy processing everything that had happened last night. He knew he would have a hard time dealing with it. For now the only thing he was sure of is that he lost notion of time and was running late for the morning training.

Luckily he managed to be only twenty minutes late after driving as fast as he could without breaking any traffic law. He rushed to the dressing room to get into his gym clothes. After his injury and health issues he had been using the morning trainings to get fully fit again. His determination to play again helped him through the training but sometimes he couldn't avoid remembering last night.

He met Klopp around lunch time. The coach gave him a knowing look and Erik knew he had to apologize.

"I'm sorry for being late today. I'll come one hour earlier tomorrow to make up for it."

"It's okay. Just don't let it happen again." Klopp said. He knew Erik would come to training half an hour earlier every day and it was rare for him to be late so Klopp had no reason to be harsh with him. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes, it's." No, it isn't. Erik said to him himself. And by the way the trainer looked at him, he didn't believe him. "It'll be."

"Is something bothering you?"

"Not really" He lied. Klopp was the last person who he'd want to share what happened with.

"Good. Then get yourself together because you're in the team training this afternoon." Klopp said and walked away.

Erik was glad to hear the news. He knew being in team training meant he was a step closer to play again. That cheered him and for the first time that day he got distracted from last night's event.

After having lunch with a few team mates from the BVB-II team he got back to training center. He met Mats on the parking lot and from there they went to the dressing room to get ready for training. They were talking about random stuff as they were getting closer to the dressing room. The door apparently was open and they could hear the voices coming from there as they walked through the hallway. Erik had to stop dead on his feet when he heard a more than familiar voice. Mats, who had kept walking, looked back at him, eyebrows furrowed.

"What? Forgot something?"

"I can't... I can't..." Erik didn't know what to do. He couldn't go in there and act like nothing happened. And he couldn't run away from it, either.

"You can't what?"

"Never mind." Erik took a deep breath and walked ahead.

As soon as Erik stepped into the dressing room he saw Jonas talking cheerfully with Grosskreutz and Ginter. The brunette had his back turned to the door so he didn't see Erik at first. Mats greeted the boys and it was then that Jonas noticed Erik was there as well. Erik greeted his team mates and saw Jonas smiling at him. He looked away quickly going for his locker.

"Hey, Erik. Jonas was thinking about going out for dinner tonight. Want to join us?" Matthias asked.

"I think I'll pass that. I've been training very hard these last days, the only thing I wanna do at night is to rest."

"C'mon. Jonas came to visit us. We should go out together. He didn't tell us everything yet." Kevin said.

"Everything as in...?" Erik had to ask scared the brunette might have said something or was considering to talk more than he should.

"About how things are going in Mainz, of course. Or is there something else I should tell?" Jonas looked at him and Erik could tell the brunette was fighting hard to contain another big smile.

"I don't think so."

"Come with us. It's gonna be fun." Jonas said.

"Haven't you had enough fun yesterday?" Erik snapped. The way the brunette acted like nothing happened was getting into his nerves. They stared at each other for a few seconds and then Erik remembered they weren't alone. "I'm sorry. I gotta go."

Erik rushed to the training field leaving an upset Jonas behind. Matthias catched up to him midway there.

"What was that?" The younger asked.

"Nothing."

"Is it me or is Jonas wearing your shirt?"

"Honestly, I didn't even notice which shirt he is wearing."

"It looks like the one I gave you on your last birthday."

"Oh, he came to visit me yesterday. He had a small accident, spilled some beer on his shirt, I let him borrow mine. I didn't notice he took that one. Don't worry, he will give it back."

Erik was glad they reached the pitch before Matthias could ask something else. He was sure his friend didn't buy his story but right now he couldn't care less. He focused on the training and managed to do well.

When the training was over he decided to stay a little longer and practice shooting on goal. He had always dreamed about scoring a goal for Dortmund. It wasn't because he was a fullback now that he had given up that dream. He kept shooting over and over trying to find the best ways of hitting the ball for a perfect shot. As he had been a striker for many years before joining Dortmund he still had the skills, but since he turned into a fullback his priorities chanced. However, whenever he had the opportunity he would practice shooting.

He had already shot a couple of times on target. As he was alone he was practically doing free kicks. He picked the ball out of the net and he was about to pick another spot to shoot as he saw Jonas walking towards him.

"Let me help you. I give you the pass and you hit it with full force. You could try a powerful shot, maybe. Coming from behind, it's your best chance. Like that time for the Germany NT when it hit the post."

Erik couldn't say no. Before anything Jonas was still his best friend. He had always being willing to help no matter what. They spent half an hour playing, exchanging passes and shots at the goal. It distracted Erik enough for him to forget the tension he was feeling.

They didn't know but Klopp had been watching them from the distance. It pleased him to see the players getting along so well. He had known for some time now that sending Jonas on loan was a mistake. But he had no idea back then the team would struggle this much. The trainer walked towards them.

"Training on the wrong team, Jonas?" The trainer joked.

"Not today. But for the whole season, yes."

"Soon you'll be back with us, don't worry. And Erik, it's nice to see your willingness to get better but you shouldn't force too much. We don't want any more muscular problems. It's enough for today. You two go rest and get football off of your minds for the rest of the day."

Even if both wanted to stay longer, they knew it wasn't wise to go against Klopp's orders. They walked back to the dressing room in silence. They got in and Jonas closed the door. They were alone now. The brunette sat on the bench as Erik got his training clothes off.

"Are you mad at me?" Jonas asked when the silence was becoming unbearable.

"Not mad. But shouldn't I be? You act like nothing happened. As if everything was as normal as they were before. I don't know about you, but I can't pretend nothing happened. Aren't you freaking out? You're all smiles."

"I don't know, maybe it's because I'm happy. What, did you expect me to go babbling around about how you fu..." Jonas was saying but Erik covered the brunette's mouth with his hand interrupting him. "I'm not pretending. I just don't think this is the right place for this kind of talk. But I couldn't imagine it would affect you this way. I don't want things to get awkward between us"

"It's a bit too late for that. I'm trying to find the best way to deal with it. I just feel conflicted. I can't decide if it was right or wrong."

"Do you regret it?"

"No." Erik said without second thoughts. "What is the point of regretting something if you can't take it back? I'm not sure if I'd still have done the same if we went back in time but honestly, I don't regret it. I just don't understand. Why?"

"I can't say. These walls probably have ears. But you know, I had no idea how that would turn out, I thought you'd turn me down. That it was more likely not to work, if you know what I mean. But if I'm allowed to say, it turned out even better." Jonas then whispered. "You were amazing last night."

"Why are you saying this? Trying to get laid again?

"I surely wouldn't mind." Jonas replied and Erik flicked the towel he had been holding at the brunette's knee. They both smiled.

"I have to take a shower now"

"Are you sure you don't want to go out for dinner tonight with the guys?"

"Not tonight. See you tomorrow?"

"I'm going back to Mainz later tonight. We should keep in touch. More often, I mean. And don't worry, our fun night is a secret between you and me. I won't tell anybody."

"Me neither."

"And Erik, I know I owe you an explanation. I promise we'll talk this once we get a better opportunity. Try not to freak out about it, ok?" He said and Erik nodded. "Gotta go now. See you around." Jonas patted his shoulder and walked out.

Erik knew their small talk wouldn't solve the problem but at least it made him feel better to know that Jonas wasn't running away from what he had started. At least he could sleep peacefully that night even though he was unsure of how things would go from there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think of this chapter. Comments and kudos are appreciated.


	4. "Helping words"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... My writing flow got better and I decided to post this chapter earlier than usual.
> 
> Here we meet the Durm family.
> 
> I'm loving the feedback I'm getting. So, don't hesitate on letting me know you thoughts. I love reading them. 
> 
> Enjoy it.

Chapter 4 - Helping words

For the next couple weeks Erik was surprised how he managed to let what happened behind, at least for the moment. He knew it was inevitable that one day they would have to face what happened and have a serious conversation about it. He and Jonas started to exchange messages more often but it was always friendly talks. Neither of them dared to touch that delicate matter. For now he was very happy with his progress in traning. He was getting each day closer to play in a match.

This weekend the German NT would be playing. Since he was injured he wasn't called up. On the other hand it meant a free weekend. He took the opportunity to make a trip home, to Pirmasens, to spend time with his family which he missed so much.

His parents and his sister welcomed him with warm hugs. They went out and about in the city. Erik always loved the feeling of being back. Dortmund was great, but his hometown was still his favorite place.

At night the four of them gathered to have dinner and watch the national team play. They talked about a lot of things and for once Erik thought he would get away from too personal questions. But he was wrong. Lisa had always been protective towards her younger brother. And in cases it meant being nosy. Usually Erik didn't mind because he had nothing to hide. This time was different and he felt uncomfortable. He hated lying to his family but sometimes he couldn't help it. Before going to her place, Lisa cornered him and he walked with her to her car. She made small talk at first but went straight to the point.

"So.... How are things in Dortmund going?" She asked when they stopped next to her car.

"Good, I guess." Erik said although he knew she meant something else specifically.

"Is there anyone new in your life? Maybe a girlfriend...?"

"No." He took more time than the normal to reply and his tone wasn't convincing. He saw Lisa looking at him with furrowed eyebrows. "If something comes up, you know I'll tell you."

"I'm just worried for my baby brother. I've seen how you've been getting a whole lot of attention from girls after the World Cup. I just want to make sure when you get yourself a girlfriend that she's right for you. That she loves you for who you are. And not just because you're the most handsome player of your team," she winked at him. "or that you became more famous or maybe even use you to show herself out there."

"Thank you mom, I appreciate your advice." He said sarcastically. Lisa was about to protest but he continued. "I know you're only caring about me. But I'm not a child anymore. I can take care of myself."

"I know you can but women can be crazy sometimes. Listen, I know when the right person comes into your life, you can't control who you'll fall in love for, but still, I just think you should be with someone as down to earth as you are."

Erik just smiled and hugged his sister. He watched and waved as she got into her car and left. He returned inside the house, wished his parents a good night and went to his old room that his mother had set for him.

He sat on his bed and soon his childhood memories flooded his mind. He didn't know how long had past till he heard a knock on the door. He gave permission and his mother came in.

"Hey, dear. I just came to check on you. Are you all set or do you need something?"

" No. I'm just a little tired. But it was worthy. I love it whenever I can come here and be with you all."

"And we love to have you here." His mother came closer and kissed his forehead. She was about to leave but decided to sit beside him. "I know you must be wanting to sleep but I got a feeling that something is bothering you. I noticed you getting distracted often, if you want to talk about it, I'm here to listen and help if I can."

"It's complicated." Erik wasn't sure if he should reveal what happened. He trusted his mother but it was too personal. And yet, if he didn't talk about it he felt like he would suffocate. "

"Whatever it's I'm here for you. I won't judge you. All I want is to know what bothers you."

"It's just that I..." Erik hesitated and looked to the ground. "I had sex."

"Is that what worries you?" She smiled and held his hand. "There's nothing wrong about that. It's not like I expected you to stay virgin forever. I knew one day it would eventually happen and my son would be a grown up man. But no matter what, you'll always be my little boy. The only thing that worries me is if you're being careful."

"Of course I'm. But this time it was different. I had sex with a man." He couldn't face his mother. She had always been supportive of him but he knew this kind of topic was too complicated and he feared she would tell him off for that.

"Wow... I didn't expected that."

"I'm sorry if it lets you down, mom. I just needed to talk about it." Erik was surprised when he looked at her and she smiled.

"Don't worry. You never let me down. As much as it was very unexpected, I honestly don't have a problem with it. Unless it happened against your own will, without your consent."

"He would never do that. He is one of my best friends and I totally trust him. I could've said no and he would have respected that."

"What are you afraid of? That we will think any less of you because of it? We love you no matter what. As long as you're happy I don't have a problem with you being gay."

"Wait, what? No, I'm not gay. It happened once but that doesn't mean I'm gay. I admit I might have liked it more than I should have but at times I think it was wrong. I just don't know why."

"My dear, one thing you should know: Love knows no gender. If you love each other then why would it be wrong?"

"Wait a minute. I never mentioned anything about love. There's no love. It kinda happened because we were both disappointed with a few things and we needed some distraction. I never expected sex to be the solution but it worked. What I feel for him is purely friendship. He is one of my best friends..." Erik stopped talking when he saw his mother seemed to be looking at nowhere. He realized she must have been running the names of his friends through her mind. "Please, don't try to guess who it's. I promise to tell you when I feel comfortable."

"Don't worry, I won't push you."

"I'm afraid, mom. I have no idea how things will stand. This could mess our friendship. What if we end up falling apart? Or what if I..." Erik needed to make a a small pause before admitting the possibility out loud. "What if I fall in love with him?"

"You're afraid you'll fall in love with him because of an one night stand? That must have been a pretty good one"

"And it was." Erik admitted and sighed. He still remembered perfectly the way Jonas touches and kisses felt good. He realized he must have had a dreaming expression all over his face and quickly shook it off.

"If you fall in love then let it be. It's not in your hands. You can't control it."

"But I don't want it. I don't want things to change."

"Everything we do has its consequences. Deal or suffer with them. You couldn't possibly have sex with someone and act like it was nothing. You're not cold hearted."

"Are you really okay with this? I know this will never be the case here but I've heard of parents who kicked their sons out when they found out about things like that. "

"I'm glad you made it clear you know we wouldn't do that to you. Otherwise I'd feel offended and at the same time sad that we ever gave you this impression. For some it's disgusting, a sin and unacceptable. It's the way they see it and it'll hardly change. But for us, your family, it doesn't matter if you fall in love with a man or a woman. As long as he or she treats you well, respect, love you and makes you happy, we'll support you. Don't you ever doubt that."

"Of course I won't. Thanks, mom"

"Give it time and you will find the answers to your questions." She said after hugged him. "Tell me, are you and this mysterious guy still getting along after your adventure?"

"Yes. Although, unfortunately this season we didn't have many opportunities to see each other. We've been exchanging messages often at least."

"It's time to sleep now. Just know that whenever you need to talk, I'm always here for you, ok?" She gave him a kiss on his forehead. "We can keep this conversation between us for now. But I'm not sure you can hide it forever from your father and your sister."

"I know. I just have to sort things out. It's complicated but if I ever make a decision, I'll let them know. I'm a bit conflicted right now but probably it won't turn into anything and who knows I might even meet a nice girl out there. For the moment I just want to concentrate on football. It's the best thing to do."

"Alright, dear. Sleep well."

"You too, mom." Erik said and she left.

He felt like taking a heavy weight off his chest. He knew that night he would finally sleep peacefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Thoughts? Every comment and every kudo is appreciated and gives me motivation to keep writing.


	5. "A mother knows"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit painful for Jonas and consequently for Erik as well. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it.

Chapter 5 - A mother knows

On Monday morning Erik drove back to Dortmund for another week of training. He worked hard through the week but the coach decided he wasn't ready just yet to play on the weekend in a Bundesliga match. But he was happy to hear that he'd be in the squad for the DFB Pokal.

When the weekend came he went back again to his parents place. The Mainz match would be shown on TV and he always loved watching football with his parents.

He would be seeing Jonas again, on the tv screen, but still, he didn't feel nervous. Actually, he was anxiously waiting for it. When Jonas rushed into the pitch, Erik couldn't help but smile. He found quite cute the way his friend interacted with the kid that walked with him into the pitch.

He didn't realize but he smiled everytime Jonas came into the screen. He cheered a lot for Jonas and even shouted a "No!" when the brunette shot at goal but it hit the post. Right after that the camera focused on his face and Erik was suddenly stunned by how beautiful his blue eyes were, seeing them in a big screen and in high definition. He didn't noticed but his mom had been watching him.

When the first half was over the match was still 0-0. He used the halftime to get himself some water, He poured it into the grass and started to drink it.

"It's the Hofmann boy, isn't it?" His mother asked as she stood beside him, putting her arm around him. He almost choked on the water. He knew it was useless to try to dodge the question.

"How do you know?"

"A mother knows" She winked at him.

"That obvious?"

"Well, everytime the number 31 appeared on the screen you seemed to be lost in your own world. After what you told me, I just connect the dots."

"You know, I've heard once that it doesn't matter if the person is straight but there might be someone out there who could make you wonder your choices. I'm starting to think that in my case that would be Jonas."

"It seems like you're starting to accept what happened."

"I guess so. I can't live in denial, that will only make me feel bad."

"That's good thing, dear."

They walked back to the living room for the second half. His father, a football lover as well, started to talk about tatics and what, in his opinion, the teams were doing right and wrong. Erik would say a few words eventually but his attention was on Jonas.

The match was going on well. Both teams having good chances. Mainz seemed to be closer to score. It was reaching the 65th minute when it happened. Through Erik's eyes it seemed to be happening in slow motion.

Mainz managed to counter attack. Jonas was free to run close to the left throw in line. His team mate saw the opportunity and made the pass to the brunnette. Jonas received it and ran as fast as he could. Erik stood up because he knew in this situation his friend rarely missed. Jonas was almost reaching the penalty area when, suddenly, he fell screaming in pain. He was immobile, his hand on his right leg. Erik was very apprehensive, barely blinking not to lose the replay of what happened. By the way the brunette stepped in a odd way while running he knew Jonas must have hurt the right knee.

"I can't believe it." He heard his father say. "If I remember right he had an injury like two or three months ago. If it keeps this way I doubt Dortmund will want him back... Is this kid made of glass?"

"Don't talk like this. It hurts." Erik realized he let that slip. "I mean, he's hurt. This is very painfull. Not only physically but emotionally afterwards." He watched as Jonas was carried off the field and felt his heart clench. He didn't like his father's words but he still kept his calm. "This season has been a nightmare for him. Injuries and bad decisions didn't help. But I'm sure he'll be back."

"Let's hope so. He's a good player. His loan to Mainz was like a waste of talent."

"I'm feeling tired." Erik said. He wanted to be alone. "I think I'll take a nap. Do you mind?"

"Not at all. Go on. Take some rest." His mother said.

Erik hurried to his bedroom where he grabbed his cellphone. He knew it was likely that he wouldn't get the reply anytime soon but he had to know how Jonas was. He gave it a try anyway.

_From: Erik_  
_"Hi Jonas. I was watching your match and I saw what happened. I'm worried about you. It was ugly and looked quite painful. I know you're probably busy right now but please let me know how you're doing. Can't wait to hear from you. Get well soon."_

Erik paced around his bedroom. Actually there wasn't much space for him to do so but he was so nervous and anxious that he couldn't simply sit on his bed. The thought that his friend was in pain and the fact he couldn't do anything made him feel bad. Probably he was over reacting but he couldn't help it.

It had been 15 minutes since he had sent that message and still there wasn't an answer. He had just started to consider calling him when his cellphone ringed the message alert.

_From: Jonas_  
_"Hi. Don't need to worry. (Although I admit I like to see that you worry about me). It's the knee again. I took some medicine to lessen the pain. I'm feeling a bit groggy but better now, even more after reading your caring message. I'll only know how serious it's tomorrow. I wouldn't be surprised if I have to undergo another surgery. You were right, this season sucks. Or maybe not entirely ;). I hope we can meet soon. Gotta go now. Bye."_

Erik felt relieved knowing Jonas was okay. He couldn't help but smile at the brunette's 'maybe not entirely' sentence. It was a clear mention to that night they had. It was a good signal that he wasn't in denial even though he hadn't mentioned it on their previous messages. He was about to reply when there was a knock on the door and his mother came in.

"So... How is he doing?" She asked. Erik knew she would have guessed he was worried and had talked to him by now.

"He's okay for now. But I'm afraid he'll be sad if the knee injury turns out to be serious." Erik took a deep breath before continuing. "It's just not fair. Two injures practically in a row. He doesn't deserve it."

"You should talk to him."

"I just did. I sent him a message which he just replied."

"When I said 'talk' I meant that you should go see him, make him company. He might need a friend. And who knows you could take the chance and talk about what happened. To figure out how your friendship stand after that. To avoid it forever could make things embarrassing eventually. I believe you wouldn't want to loose his friendship, right?

"Of course not. I have a busy week ahead of me. I'll probably be on the first team on Tuesday's match. But I'll think about it."

"Do that. It'll be good for both of you."

Erik knew his mother was right. She always was. He loved her so much and the support and advices she would give were always useful. He loved his father the same way but he felt this could be a complicated matter so he decided to conceal it from him at least until he knew for sure how things would stand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Thoughts? Every comment and every kudo is appreciated and gives me motivation to keep writing.


	6. "Talking - Part 1"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so, the boys meet again. This chapter had to be divided in two parts because this two wouldn't shup up and when I saw, it was too big for only one chapter.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it. And please, let me know what you think of it. Feedback is VERY appreciated. When I say feedback is very important to me and that it keeps me motivated, I really mean it. So please, share yours thoughts, I always love to read them.

Chapter 6 - Talking - Part 1"

It was Tuesday and in that day it meant: Match day. For him it was his first game with the main team in 2015. Finally! After so long he was glad he could play again. He felt ready for the challenge. He knew once he stepped on the pitch he would have to give his all, to do his best to help the team. And he was determined to do so.

He had just reached the dressing room of the stadium when he received a message. It was from Jonas. The brunette had gone under surgery the day before but as much as he had wished to he couldn't go visit him yet. He felt anxious while waiting for the message that Jonas had promised him telling about the surgery. Fortunately, it went as well as expected and soon he would be home. Erik sat by his locker and read the new message."

_From: Jonas_  
_"Hey, what's up? I'll be watching the game from the hospital since I'll only go home tomorrow. I wish you guys good luck and that your comeback may be fantastic. I know you waited for it so much and I'm sure you'll do great. It's a tough game, as this season has been, however I trust you guys can fo it. HEJA BVB!!!"_

Erik couldn't be more happier seeing Jonas support. He immediately felt more confident of himself. He didn't have much time left so he quickly replied.

_From: Erik_  
_"Thanks. Keep your fingers crossed for the team. And for me. We can make this! Gotta go. Talk to you later. "_

The match was tough as everyone expected. They had managed to open the score but the opponent managed to get the score at their favor. By halftime they were loosing by 2-1. The team talked in the dressing room and everybody promised to fight untill the very last minute to turn the score at their favor because it was the only title they had the possibility to win this season.

Erik got back feeling more motivated and it didn't take long untill he managed to cross the ball perfectly for Aubameyang to score. He was so happy for giving the assist for the goal. The match went to extra time and for everyone's happiness Kehl scored an amazing goal near the end and they made it to the next round.

Erik was suprised by how well he managed to play considering he had been out for months. And he couldn't believe when he was picked as the 'Man of the Match'. For once in this season things were working as they wanted.

He had to stop by and give a few interviews. He really couldn't wait to get over with them and return to the dressing room. Once there, he grabbed his phone. There were some new messages. He saw Jonas had sent a new one and as he read the message it brought a smile upon his face.

_From: Jonas_  
_"Man of the match, huh? You must have been really bored with the injuiries to the point of killing it right on your first match this year. But really, you were outstanding tonight. That's the Erik I know. The team deserved this win. Congrats!"_

After playing for 120 minutes, Klopp decided to rest him on the weekend. To prevent from a new muscular injury by fatigue. Erik didn't need to think twice about what he would be doing in his free time.

He took Saturday's afternoon to drive to Mainz. It was a few minutes past seven when he reached the city. Suddenly, he had the idea to stop by a clothing store, one that he knew to be one of Jonas' favorites, to buy him a gift. After all, he had tore his shirt that night.He also stopped to buy pizza and a bottle of coke in his way. He hoped his friend would be home. As he wanted to make a surpise visit he didn't mention he'd be coming.

He stood in front of Jonas' apartment door and put some of the stuff he carried on the ground and let his hand free which he used to fix his hair. He took a look to make sure his clothes weren't messed after the long drive. He took a deep breath and rang the bell. Almost a minute and no answer. He was starting to consider calling his friend to know where he was when he heard footsteps. Well, not exactly, when the noise got closer he realized Jonas must have been jumping on one foot.

The brunette opened the door slightly just so he could see who it was. He gasped when he saw Erik standing there.

"Hey. I just thought I could come by and spoil my best friend. I guess now you're the one needing a friend around. So here I am."

"Wow, what a surprise. Come in." Jonas stood behind the door as he let the blonde in. "I'm so happy you came to visit me."

"I just had to. The drive here was..." Erik was saying as he put the pizza, the coke and his gift on the centre table near the couch. As soon as he got his eyes fully on Jonas he went speechless. The brunette was only wrapped around a towel with his hair wet. Erik had seen him like this many times before in the dressing room. It was supposed to be normal. Although, things weren't normal after that night. "Oh... Is this a bad time? I can leave..."

"Of course not. I was just taking a shower. I'll go change into new clothes."

"Ok. I'll set up the cutlery and the dishes in the meanwhile."

"Do you need help to find what you need?"

"Not really. I mean, if you don't mind if I mess things a bit.

"Go ahead. I'll be right back."

"Wait!" Erik got the bag with the gift and handed it to Jonas. "I guess I owed you a new shirt. Hope you like it."

"I'm sure I will. There's not a single thing I wouldn't like coming from you." The brunette smiled and jumped back on one foot till his bedroom. Erik just rolled his eyes.

It was Erik's time to smile when Jonas came back wearing the shirt he had just been gifted. He was glad he got it right. They ate the pizza while they talked about random things like Mainz, Dortmund and their lives in general. Once they had finished dinner Erik helped cleaning the dishes. After that they sat on the couch and Jonas turned the TV on, put on some sport channel, not really paying attention to what was on.

"Hey, what about the surgery?" Erik asked. "You didn't say much on how it went."

"It went as expected. Now I'll rest for some days and then start rehab. I'm likely out for the rest of the season." Jonas sighed as he sadly remembered that he was once again restrained from doing what he loved the most: to play football. "I just wasted a whole year of my career. I'm getting old, this couldn't have happened."

"Getting old? Really?" Erik couldn't help but to laugh. "You talk like you're 30. You're only two months younger than me and I'm definitely not feeling that old."

"I'm talking football age. Being 22 years old, to someone who wants to shine in football, is a very important age where you can show how good you are, looking to improve everyday and always learn new things. This year I could've been playing my best football. But I'm not. Instead, I just went through two knee surgeries in a space of 6 months."

"I'm sorry that I couldn't be there when you woke up from the surgery. I really wanted to."

"It's okay. You did great against Hoffenhein. You were needed there and helped the team win. It was more important for you to be there than waiting for a friend to wake up in the hospital."

"But you're not any friend. I'd have liked to be there."

"You're here now. That's what matter." Jonas said and Erik could see that the brunette was glad he was there. But he also could see that his friend got upset.

"I guess talking about the surgery made you sad. I didn't meant to."

"It's just not fair. What have I ever done wrong to deserve this?"

"You haven't done anything. It's just some misfortune. It happens."

"I was afraid these injuries would make me dispensable." Jonas took a deep breath and when he spoke again his voice broke. "But I figure that already happened. I became dispensable the moment Borussia loaned me. It was supposed to help me improve but apparently it's going backwards. What if Borussia gives up on me? What if I'm not good enough anymore? What if I'm not worthy to..." Jonas couldn't finish what he was saying and sobbed as insecurity and the uncertainty of his future hit him with full force."

"Hey! Don't talk like that. You're worthy to the team, there's no question about that. It's just a bad year. With bad decisions." It hurt Erik to see Jonas hopeless like that. He wrapped his arm around the brunette trying to find a way to console him. "You see, coincidentally or not, Borussia is also having a bad season that we're trying to save from going blank, yet it's not good. Just because it's a bad season it doesn't mean Borussia is a bad team. Neither are you a bad player."

"I'm afraid to go back to Dortmund and figure out that I'm in the transfer list. What if they don't want me back?" Jonas asked looking straight in his eyes. Erik felt like he could stare into those blue eyes forever. It also hurt him to see the sadness on his look.

"I want you." Erik swallowed dry as he stared at the brunette's lips. He then noticed Jonas had his eyebrows frowned at him. "Sorry, that sounded weird. I meant, we all can't wait to have you back. I want my friend back. I miss us playing on the same team."

"What if it never happens again?"

"Jonas, you belong to Borussia Dortmund. Your place is there. Things might not be looking good now but I have no doubts that you'll bounce back. And when you do so we will be playing together again."

"Do you really think so?

"Of course. Look, I know you're upset and maybe that's why you can't think positively right now. But you can't change what happened and being upset isn't of any help. What you should do now is to look forward to what is to come. To get ready for new challenges that will come on the new season."

"I'm trying to but it's hard to do so when there's some uncertainty surrounding my future. Sometimes I feel positive but most of times I'm surrounded by worries."

"You should take a break. When you go on vacation, kick these worries out of your mind and rest as much as you can. It'll do you good. I bet we'll have a brand new Jonas back, relaxed, motivated and ready to focus on the new season. I'm sure you'll come back stronger."

"If they still want me, I'll surely do my best."

"Okay, let's promise each other something." Erik said as he could see that the brunette was still unsure of himself. He held both of Jonas' hands on his own. "Our season hasn't been as good as we wanted it to be. We'll let it behind us as soon as it's over and forget about it. Let's promise to kill it next season. To give our very best to help the team and take Borussia to the place where it deserves to be: the first place. Let's make it a promise." Erik tightened the grip on Jonas' hands.

"I'm in. I promise it. I'll do everything I can to make the next season my best so far and help the team as much as I can." Jonas said without breaking eye contact with Erik as he squeezed the blond's hand in return.

"I promise you the same. I believe you can do it. And I'll do my best as well. Our mission is to take Borussia back to the top. Obviously we can't do it alone but along everyone else, we can do it."

"Yeah! Let's kick ass next season!" Jonas shouted and for the first time that night he seemed truly excited.

"That's what I'm talking about. Enough of being upset. I don't like seeing you that way."

"Thanks for being here. It means a lot to me."

Erik wanted to say something back. But suddenly, the words seemed to be stuck in his mouth. He licked his lips as he found himself once again staring at Jonas' blue eyes. They were indeed something beautiful to look at. Jonas gave him a shy smile and that was all it took him to lean forward not being able to stop himself. And apparently neither could Jonas.

Their lips touched for the first time since that night. Even being the one that searched for the contact, Erik felt hesitant at first. He moved his lips slowly against Jonas' taking every chance to appreciate his soft lips. They kept exchanging light kisses untill they had to part for air. Eyes closed, noses brushing, feeling each other's warm breath.

Jonas took over the kiss when their lips locked again. Erik felt Jonas claim his lips eagerly, deepening their kiss. He couldn't hold back a moan when the brunette bit his lower lip pulling at it slightly. They enjoyed the feeling when their tongues met and they moved it along playfully.

Maybe it was wrong. Like all kinds of wrong. Like they couldn't change what had happened but it shouldn't happen again. And yet, Erik couldn't resist. He longed to kiss Jonas and he didn't even understand why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear, they did it again.... =D  
> Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very, super, hyper, mega appreciated. They keep me going with this story.


	7. "Talking - Part 2 "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jonas and Erik just kissed... Again. Now they talk about what is going on. Erik wants to understand why Jonas took the initiative back that night. And Jonas has a suggestion. 
> 
> Whoa... This has got to be the biggest dialogue I've ever written for only 1 scene. 
> 
> While writing, listening to music is very important to me. It also gives me inspiration. For me it's harder to write without music. In general I listen to songs by 'Snow Patrol' to write this . But I also have a track list for this story. With specifics songs for some chapters. Would you like to know it?
> 
> Hope you enjoy it. Let me know your thoughts.

_Previously...._

_Their lips touched for the first time since that night. Even being the one that searched for the contact, Erik felt hesitant at first. He moved his lips slowly against Jonas' taking every chance to appreciate his soft lips. They kept exchanging light kisses untill they had to part for air. Eyes closed, noses brushing, feeling each other's warm breath._

_Jonas took over the kiss when their lips locked again. Erik felt Jonas claim his lips eagerly, deepening their kiss. He couldn't hold back a moan when the brunette bit his lower lip pulling at it slightly. They enjoyed the feeling when their tongues met and they moved it along playfully._

_***_

Chapter 7 - Talking - Part 2"

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done it." Erik apologized as he broke apart.

"Stop apologizing Erik. I don't mind you kissing me, ok?"

"I've just been feeling a little confused. I mean, you couldn't randomly wake up one day and simply decide to have sex with your best friend. Where did that come from?"

"One thing first. I just don't want you to ever think that I used you in any way."

"I'd never think of you like that, don't worry."

"I know the way it happened was insane, out of the blue, but I have no regrets. I wanted it. But I didn't just want it because of sex itself. I wanted it to be you."

"Why me? You never said anything before. I would've never seen that coming."

"I know I should have approached you in a better way. I'm sorry I didn't. I was afraid you'd run away from me. Actually, I'm surprised you're not mad at me for messing with your head."

"I'm not mad. I'm very confused, though." Erik said. "I'm trying to understand if what we did was right or wrong. I can't say it was right because it goes in the opposite direction of what I want for my life. To meet a nice woman, to get married and have my own kids. But then, I can't say it was wrong when I clearly enjoyed it more than I should. What happened Jonas? The last you told me, you were dating a girl."

"We broke up in good terms. But still, it made me feel bad. When things like this happens it kinda makes you rethink your choices. Well, at least, for me. One day I just wondered how it was like to kiss or have sex with someone of the same sex. Coincidentally or not, I end up meeting a guy who happened to be trying to figure out the same thing. Then I was like why not?"

"Didn't he recognize you?"

"Lucky me he wasn't a football fan. I took time to know him better, we met a few times and when I felt like I could trust him I decided to give it a try."

"How was the first time? Bottom or top?" He asked but when Jonas looked at him amused he realized he had made such an intimate question. "I mean, we slept together, things can't possibly get more awkward than that. I just thought at this point we could talk about anything. But if it makes you uncomfortable, it's okay."

"Bottom. It was quite weird and clumsy. Just like a first time usually goes. I felt like having my real first time all over again. And top for the second time."

"I could tell you how my first time with a man was but... Oh, wait... You were there."

"Danm right I was. And I'm so glad for that." Jonas said with some confidence.

"Why me, though? How did I end up in the middle of this?"

"Being in Mainz made me think about a lot of things. Not only about things I was looking forward to but also what I have left behind. Among all the things, I often found myself thinking about you. Missing you. But I supposed it was only me missing our friendship. Like we used to go out together, share good laughs and support each other when a match wasn't going well."

"That's normal. I felt this way too. What changed?"

"Sleeping with a guy had been cool but, still, I felt a little disappointed. I just don't know why. So, I tought maybe it wasn't supposed to be." Jonas said and for a minute he considered if he should tell what he was about to. A look into Erik green eyes gave him the reassurance he needed. "One night, laying on my bed, I found myself thinking how much I missed having your arm around my shoulder, the way it felt when you lips touched my skin when you kissed my neck after I scored against Bayern and that I missed even hearing your voice."

"Ok, I believe everything but the voice part." Erik couldn't help but laugh. "People use to mock me about it. They say it's kind of high pitched."

"Well, I don't. I like your low tone. It brings me some sense of calmness, makes feel relaxed." Jonas said and then it was his time to laugh. "But I have to agree though, when you talk louder than normal it gets high pitched." Jonas' remark was met by a playful punch on his shoulder. "What? I didn't say it's a bad thing. I said I like it."

"But how did you end up at my place? I mean, getting me to have sex with you, you had that planed, hadn't you?

"I realized that the way I missed you was a little different from like missing a friend. After giving it a lot of thoughts I understood what I felt was attraction."

"Are you really telling you're attracted to me?" Erik burst into laughter. "Is this for real? What is gonna happen next? You're gonna tell me you fell in love with me?" Once he noticed Jonas was still serious, his smile slowly faded off his face. "Jonas...?

"Ew! No! Of course not. Never. Just because I'm attracted to someone it doesn't mean I'm in love with her or him. I might feel attracted to another man but I'm not gonna fall in love with one."

"You can't say that for sure."

"But I can make a choice. And my choice is not to get into a relationship with a man. As much I'd want to be happy and ignore everything else I'm not sure I'd be able to. Not everyone is accepting of such relationship and wanting it or not, it'll end up taking its tool on us. I don't think I'd ever be prepared to handle everything that comes along with it. I'd rather settle in a normal relationship with a woman and have my own kids."

"Even if it doesn't make you completely happy?"

"I rather not be 100% happy than being happy but also suffering and being hurt by discrimination. Because I know It'd affect me and the person even if we tried hard to ignore or pretend things were okay."

"So, what happened between us that night was...?"

"Look, I don't want you to think it didn't mean anything at all to me. But I also don't want you too read too much into it. Since I figured I was attracted to you I found myself wanting you. Knowing you're straight I was really afraid of ruining our friendship. Or that you'd punch me or something for kissing you. But eventually I couldn't stand keeping wondering how it could've been. I decided to act on it."

"I was totally taken aback by your actions but I couldn't say no. And I'm glad I didn't. It was fun."

"It wasn't sex just for the sake of sex. If this was the case, I wouldn't put you into this. I wouldn't risk our friendship." Jonas made a small pause, trying to think of better words to use but he gave up. "I admit I wanted to have sex with you. I really wanted it to be you. I'm sorry, though, that it was a bit rushed and if I made you uncomfortable."

"It's okay. As strange as it might sound, I didn't felt uncomfortable at all. I felt safe with you. I knew if I wanted to stop you'd have respected my decision. In the end it felt good. I can't deny that. And indeed, if someone else had suggested the same thing to me I'd have punched him. But it was you. As much as it seemed an insane idea, I trust you. My only fear is that it could take our friendship backwards."

"From my part it won't. I think we're taking it relatively well. I half expected you to jump down my throat the next day."

"I think I was this close." Erik said showing him a small space between his fingers. "But when I looked at you I just couldn't be mad. We're very good friends, and even if, at first, I feared it could get awkward, I knew we could work this out like we're doing it now."

"I'm glad you're okay with this. I'd feel bad if things had gone worse. But I guess I'd deserve that because I put our friendship at risk." Jonas then had a big smile on his face. "I gotta say, tough, it was worth it. I wouldn't change anything about that night. Truth to be told, it was the best I ever had."

"But what now?" Erik asked. He could feel his cheeks flushing violently by the brunette's words. "Where do we go from now? We crossed the line of a normal friendship. We shared such a intimate moment that we can't leave behind and pretend it never happened. At least, I can't."

"I can't either. And I don't want to. Actually, I was thinking..." Jonas watched Erik closely for a few seconds before continuing. "You know, maybe we could be like friends with benefits."

"For real?" Erik was waiting him to say it was a joke or something. But he didn't. "We deserve better than that, Jonas."

"I agree with you. But look at us, football players: we're always traveling here and there, staying in hotels, having trainings and matches. I'm doing what I love so I don't mind it. However, we don't have much time to go out and meet new people. So, meanwhile that doesn't happen, I just thought that maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing if we could just have some fun once in a while. Eventually, when we meet someone whom we're interested in, then we just put an end to it."

"Easy like that?"

"Yeah. You and me, no complications and no one knowing. Like they say, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Whatever might happen between us, stays between us."

"What if it gets out of our control?"

"I don't think it'd be the case. But I believe we could manage it. If it ever gets out of mine or yours comfort zone we just let the other know. So, what do you say?"

"In theory it might be as simple as you make it sound. But in reality, I don't know, I bet it's more complicated than that."

"You know what is complicated? Love. If there's something that messes things up it's love. Which is not our case. I just thought that we could make our great friendship even better. But I'll understand if you don't want it."

"Don't get me wrong. For a straight guy, I had too much fun that night. And if you ask me if I'd want it to happen again, yes I do. It's just a little weird to share such intimate moments without any strong feelings involved. At least to me. "

"But there are feelings. Not love itself but there's something." Jonas said. He took a little time wondering how he could put it in better words. "It's like, I wouldn't hook up with a stranger or someone I just met. Because that would definitely have no feelings involved. Now, you an me, it's different. We're already affectionated towards each other. In a friendly way, at first. But it's more than nothing at all. We're pretty comfortable around each other. To me it wouldn't feel weird if we enjoyed ourselves. It wouldn't be meaningless kisses and sex. Not to me. I want to be the one giving you pleasure and I want to be pleasured by you. So, yes, I think we could do friends with benefits."

"I can't promise you anything. It's not fair to you if I might not feel anything in return."

"You do. Deep down you do. Otherwise, you've rejected me right away that night. Maybe you just don't realize it, yet. After all, I'm far from being a stranger to you."

"I don't know how to feel about this. Gosh, this has to be the craziest conversation we ever had. Discussing a friend with benefits thing. "Erik couldn't help but to laugh. When he saw Jonas wasn't laughing, he got serious again. "It's not exactly a bad thing. It's just... I need to think about it."

"I didn't expect you to make up your mind right now. Take the time you need. And it's okay if you don't want it."

"Jonas, I don't think you're thinking straight through this."

"I'm definitely not thinking 'straight' through this." The brunette joked stressing out the 'straight' word and winked at him.

"This is serious." Erik said annoyed. "Don't you realize if we do this we could put our friendship on the line?"

"I'm well aware of it. But like I said, we can deal with this together."

"You're not taking it seriously. While everything is fun it's great. But you are not thinking in the possibility that it could go terribly wrong."

"Of course it's not serious. What part of it being casual you didn't understand? I'd take it seriously if we're in a relationship. Which we're not."

"So? We could end up just as much hurt."

"Why are you so negative about it?" Jonas asked starting to loose patience. "If you don't want it just say it."

"Jonas, you can only see the positive side of it because you're driven by attraction. Meanwhile I'm driven by rationality. I'm thinking beyond the pleasure. My mother said that we should be careful to not let the consequences ruin our friendship."

"For God's sake, Erik. There are no conse...." The brunette's voice went mute when he realized what the blond just said. Immediately a horrified expression took over his face. "What? You... You talked to your mother about what we did?"

"I was confused. I needed to talk to someone. I end up telling her that I had sex with another man."

"Does she knows it was me?"

"I didn't tell her it was you at first. But when we were watching that match in which you got injured, she noticed I was, apparently, paying much attention at you and how I was worried. She figured it was you."

"How did she reacted? Did she said anything about it being me?"

"She was totally comprehensive and helpful. I didn't know exactly what to expect but her support was amazing. And it's quite fun how she kinda pushed me towards you. When I told her you got injured, she encouraged me to come here and visit you. Not that I wouldn't do it on my own. She had also told me that we should talk this out before things could become awkward."

"I like your mother already. She was right and I'm glad you came here and that we could talk. We're good, right?"

"As always" Erik smiled and half hugged Jonas, being careful with the brunette's injured knee. "It's quite late. I should drive home."

"What? You actually want to get in a three hour drive in the middle of the night? I can't let you do that. You already drove here, you must be tired. Just crash on the couch."

"Why do I think I've heard this before?"

"Oh, c'mon. I don't bite. "Jonas then grinned. "Only if you want me to."

"Then I should definitely take the drive home." Erik feigned a little fear in his voice.

"Nothing is gonna happen. I can't barely walk without the crutches let alone do something more demanding. I'll rsspect your decision. Besides, I'm really looking forward to sleep."

"I know, relax. I'll sleep here then. Thanks."

Erik helped Jonas to get settled to sleep in his bedroom once the brunette was having some difficulties to walk. Afterwards he took a blanket from Jonas wardrobe and headed to the couch. Once he covered himself with the blanket he kept staring at the ceiling. He was feeling sleepy but at the same time he couldn't sleep. Jonas’ crazy 'friends with benefits' idea was running through his mind.

He knew it was could be a trick thing. As much as he knew it was supposed to be something completely casual, deep down he feared getting attached. He feared it since that night they shared. And if that happened they wouldn't be able to take things back to how they were before. But then, he didn't understand why it was worrying him this much. After all, there were no chances of him falling for his best friend, right?

Or maybe Jonas was right and he shouldn't loose sleep over this. It's supposed to be fun and for them to have a good time together. Nothing else. And if it would go like their first time, Erik would definitely look forward to do it again. It's was enjoyable, pleasurable and it was good to feel desired. Even if it was by a man. By his best friend. Besides, what bad could there be in wanting to have some fun?

Erik was the first to wake up on the morning. When he opened his eyes he immediately realized he wasn't in his place. It was Jonas' instead. He sat up on the couch and look around for any sign of Jonas but there wasn't any. He headed to brunette's bedroom. He opened the door slowly and got a glimpse of him spreaded out on the bed. He couldn't help but to watch Jonas in his sleep for a little while. He could hear him light snoring. He caught himself smiling at the view.

He went to the bakery and bought some stuff for breakfast. Once he got back he set everything on the take so they could have breakfast. When he was almost finishing it he heard footsteps (along crutches sounds) coming his way.

"Good morning, sleepyhead." Erik said as he sat in the chair.

"Morning." Jonas replied with a sleepy voice, trying to rub the sleep off of his face.

"What is this?"

"Just a way to thank you for letting me sleep over. I thought we could use a good breakfast."

"Oh... You make me feel bad." Jonas sat on the chair opposite of Erik. "You got us some nice breakfast and in that day when I woke up at your place I just ran away before you woke up."

"Actually, I'm glad you did it. I think I'd have freaked out if I woke up to see my best friend naked on my bed."

"Admit it, you'd have loved the view." Jonas winked at him. Erik just smiled.

Jonas tried to convince him to stay for lunch and as much Erik wanted to spend more time with him, he had a long drive ahead of him. He knew he should ve leaving soon. Jonas walked with him till the door.

"Thank you for coming. It was really great to have you here." Jonas said.

"And it was great to come here. I'm glad we sorted things out. I promise I'll think about 'our thing' and I'll let you know as soon as I make a decision."

"Don't worry about it. Like I said, take your time."

"Hope to see you soon. Back in Dortmund this time."

"If they still want me there..."

"I'm sure they do. Now, I better be going. See you around. "

Before Erik left they stood just looking at one another. Both of them seemed to hesitate on what to do next. Should they hug, wave goodbye, kiss...? They both smiled at their own indecision. Eventually, Erik waved at him and headed to his car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Jonas' suggestion could be fun. But could be also dangerous.  
> Thoughts and kudos are appreciated. And thanks for the support shown to this story. It means a lot to me. I'm having a good time writing this.


	8. "Earned it - Part 1"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erik goes through a new experience in his life and Jonas shows him good support.
> 
> Between not knowing exactly what to write in this chapter and end up writing a lot, I had to split this chapter too. It would be too much information for only one chapter. And the the last scene on the next chapter deserves a highlight by itself. 
> 
> A song that I've been listening and that quite fits the first part of the story: "Too close - Alex Clare"
> 
> Hope you enjoy it.

Chapter 8 - Earned it - Part 1

Through the next month things changed for Erik. He became a regular among the starting XI. Making part of all matches. He managed to play them all at his best level. And for that his best form was acknowledged by many people. If felt good to leave the bad times behind.

Getting more play time also meant having a lot less free time. Which usually he wouldn't mind because he was getting what he wanted and that he wasn't much of an out going person. But Jonas was going through rehab and Erik wanted to go over there and make him company in one of the sessions. Since he couldn't go, he kept in contact almost every day. Jonas was making good progress and his rehab was going better than expected. After a month he was able to walk on his own without the crutches.

They played against Bayern on the DFB Pokal. It was different for Erik to be at Allianz Arena this time. Knowing about Bayern interest on him. He had never thought about moving to Bayern. However, sometimes life gives you big opportunities and if you miss it you might not have then again. But right now his mind was entirely focused on doing his best to help his team. To take Borussia to the final. And, at least, try to give Klopp a proper farewell with a championship since he was leaving the club by the end of the season.

As expected it was a tough match. Both teams had good chances but it was a balanced game. Close to the end of the 90 minutes, Marco had a chance to convert from a free kick. And it'd have gone in if it wasn't Neuer on the other side to stop the ball with a brilliant defence. They went into extra time but nothing changed. Time for the penalty kicks. Erik couldn't believe what his eyes were seeing. The Bayern players didn't convert a single penalty.

They did it. They were finalists. They made it to Berlin. The celebration that started still on the pitch went on through the night in their hotel. Erik got calls from his family and texts from a few friends. When Jonas called him, he headed to his room where they celebrated and made jokes at what just happened till late night.

After a couple of matches, their next opponent would be Hertha Berlin in the weekend prior his birthday. In theory it wasn't one of the toughest opponents but at this point of this season they had already learnt that they couldn't take anything for granted. It was a sunny Saturday. He had a good feeling about that day but he didn't know why. Maybe they would win that game and in the best possibility he'd be able to assist one of his teammates.

About thirty minutes before the time to head to the stadium he got a call from Jonas. It was a little surprising since Jonas usually texted him before a match.

"Hi, Jonas. What's up?"

"Hi. Just wanted to wish you good luck for the match."

"Thanks. Judging this season we never know when we might need it."

"Today just seems to be a good day. You never know what could happen." Jonas made a small pause. "Who knows, maybe you could score your first goal."

"Me? Scoring?" Erik had to laugh. "There are a lot of things that could happen today, but me scoring is definitely not one of them."

"Why not? Have a little faith in yourself, will you?"

"As much as things have been happening for me much better than I could ever expect, I think it's to ask for too much. I'll be happy if we win today. That's what matters."

"Erik, I know that even though your position change, scoring a goal is something you want. Very much. And I know you've been trying and working hard for that. You might be a defender now but your offensive skills never left you and every now and then we can see it."

"Well, it won't be my priority but if an opportunity comes up them I'll try. But I doubt that will happen."

"Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if you scored today. I believe you can do it. You should believe it too."

"It's easy said than done."

"It's bound to happen one day. I just feel like today is this day. Wanna bet on it?"

"Not really. I don't want to disappoint you or even myself. We shouldn't have high expectations."

"Well, I might surprise you if you score today." Jonas said with a suspicious tone.

"Is that so?" Erik asked noticing his cheeky tone.

"Or even if you don't, I still might surpise you."

"Oh, really? And what would you do? You'd come here and let me fuck you against the door?"

"Whoa, I surely didn't expected you to suggest that." Jonas was surprised by the blonde's straightforwardness."If that's what you want..."

"Jesus Jonas, no. I was just joking."

"It's not a bad idea, though."

"Jonas!"

"What? You started it."

"Are you planning to come to Dortmund today?

"No. I still have another rehab session later." Jonas lied. He did have other plans but he couldn't tell Erik.

"Rehab on a Saturday night? That's the best excuse you can come up with?"

"I'm working hard on my recovery. Every minute counts. I can already walk without the crutches and now I'm working to fully recover the movements by the holidays."

"Take it easy. You shouldn't push yourself too much. It might not be good."

"It's okay. I'm not over doing it."

"Look, I'll have to head to the stadium now. Talk to you later?"

"Sure, I'll probably be calling you to congratulate you for your goal."

"Yeah, right." Erik said. Only Jonas could be this optimistic to believe that he would actually score."Bye."

"Good luck. Bye."

By halftime they were leading the score against Hertha Berlin. But only by one goal. They knew they had to do better to assure that nothing would go wrong that day. Through this season there have been many times where they took the score for granted and ended up conceding the draw or even loosing.

Erik came back to the second half willing to take a few risks and try help on the offensive part of the game. Since the first half they didn't get to create many chances. He remembered Jonas' words and that was the encouragement he needed.

Two minutes into the second half and Erik saw an opportunity. He received a pass from Mkhitaryan on the right channel and ran towards the penalty area. He quickly saw Gündogan running to the center of the area, he was ready to give the assist but in a last second decision he managed to dribble the defender and shoot at the goal. It wasn't as powerful as he'd have liked it but it went in.

Between the moment he kicked the ball and the moment the ball reached back of the net, it seemed to go on like a slow scene. He couldn't believe what his eyes were seeing. He, Erik Durm, had indeed scored a goal. It was unbelievable. The whole team hugged and congratulated him.

As he ran back to his position, he remembered everything Jonas had said. How Jonas had believed he could do it. It all brought a wide smile upon his face. Happiness hit him with full force. It took him a few minutes to find his full concentration again.

Final whistle. They won. He scored. It was like he gave himself an early birthday present. Klopp even gave him one of his big bear's hug. Once in the dressing room, he got his cellphone and checked for the messages. He had many new ones from his family and friends. However, the one that he was looking forward the most, he hadn't received yet. He felt a lump in his throat and a little disappointment when he saw that Jonas hadn't texted him. Even more after all the brunette had said to him.

He didn't have time to feel upset. Matthias and some of the guys invited him to go out for dinner that night. Well, it wasn't everyday that he got on the score sheet so he accepted. Maybe Jonas was busy or something and would text him later. Right now, he deserved to celebrate scoring his first goal.

Later that night he found himself sitting between Matthias and Mitch. Aubameyang, Reus, Neven and Marcel were there as welll. The seven of them were involved in a lively conversation.

There was an empty seat at their table right in front of where he sat. He wondered if there was someone else left to join them. For a moment he wished that this someone would be Jonas. But soon he shook these thoughts out of his mind. The brunette was kilometers away from him. He got his attention back to the conversation that was going on.

About ten minutes later, when someone entered the restaurant, Erik didn't know if it was unintentionally, by reflex or by intuition that he looked over to see who it was. Beside the surprise, a smile spread on his face. Jonas greeted everyone and sat opposite of Erik.

"You idiot." It was the first thing Erik could say. "I should've known better. No one does rehab on a Saturday night willingly."

"Actually, I do. Not this Saturday, though. I had some things to do in Dortmund."

"He texted me saying he was around." Matthias said. "I invited him to come over and have dinner with us. I'm sure you wouldn't mind."

"Not at all." Erik said.

Through the dinner they couldn't help but to exchange smiles and glances. They were being a little obvious but nobody seemed to notice their unusual behavior. Well, except for Matthias. At some point Erik caught the younger one eyeing them suspiciously. He furrowed his eyebrows at him but the boy only shrugged. And wait a minute. Was that a smirk on the younger lips? Erik could imagine what he was probably thinking and he was sure Matthias would get back to that with some questions. But right now he didn't care because he trusted his friend to keep it to himself.

Erik had a good time during the dinner. His day had been perfect but since Jonas joined them, he had a feeling It'd get even better. Once they all had finished their dinner they waved goodbye and headed to their respective cars (except Marco, who was going along Auba). Erik was in his car, ready to drive home when he got a text message.

_From: Jonas_  
_Your place in 15?_

_From: Erik_  
_You bet._

_From: Jonas_  
_Should I bring something?_

_From: Erik_  
_Just yourself, Gorgeous. That's enough._

_From: Jonas_  
_Will do, Hot Lips =_ )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated.  
> Oh... I really can't wait for you to read Chapter 9. It's fun...


	9. "Earned it - Part 2"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erik is overjoyed with the goal he scored and Jonas also has great news. How could they celebrate it?
> 
> Warning: ** Sexual content.**  
> I absolutely LOVED writing this intimate scene. (At the same time I feel a little guilty by writing such content. But I mean no offense to anyone. After all, it's only fiction.)  
> To write this part I kept listening (over and over) to "Earned it - The Weeknd". The rhythm of this song is slow and perfect for their moment. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think of it.

Chapter 9 - Earned it - Part 2

When Erik reached his street he soon saw Jonas leaning against his car, arms crossed in front of his chest. As Erik drove past him, he sawJonas stick his tongue out playfully at him. Erik did the same not sure if the brunette could see him.

They headed to Erik's flat and the minute the blonde closed the door behind them, Jonas was caught by surprise when Erik wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug.

"I'm so happy, Jonas."

"You have all the right to be. You did great today. As I knew you would."

"I still can't believe it really happened. It's so overwhelming." Erik said. Then, he suddenly got away from the hug. "Wait! What if this is a dream? What if this is all in my head? What if.... Ouch!!!" Had Jonas just pinched his arm? "What was that for?"

"Because this is real. You scored a goal. A beautiful one. See, I believed you could do it when even you didn't."

"You were probably the only one. How could you even know It'd happen?"

"I couldn't. You're simply being rewarded for your hard work. You had an injury and a heavy flu but made your way back through a lot of hard work. Everything good that is happening now is well deserved. You earned it."

"But you deserve that as much as I do. It's been worse for you. I mean, I managed to get a flu that took me down for almost a month but that doesn't even come close with going through two surgeries. And not to forget the emotional issues that comes in situations like this."

"There's nothing I can do now besides my rehab. For now I'm just trying to get fully fit for new season. But that's not the case. We're talking about you." Jonas said. "So, tell me how was the experience of scoring your first goal?"

"It was fantastic. I couldn't believe the ball actually went in. It was crazy. Like it was happening in slow motion. When I realized I was running towards Schmelzer and he hugged me. Then practically the whole team congratulated me as well. Then I heard Nobby on the speaker announcing the goal. To hear our wonderful fans saying my name was just incredible."

"I know how good that feels. Welcome to the club."

"I scored in our home stadium. In front of the yellow wall. Now that I can think properly I wish I had run and celebrated with the fans."

"I'm sure you'll have other opportunities. Once you get a taste of it you will want to do it again."

"It felt really good to score but it's not my priority. I'll leave that for you. That's more of your job." Erik said. "So, what brought you to Dortmund today?"

"I had some things to do. And guess what? You're not the only one with reasons to celebrate today."

"Really? What is it?"

"I got a call from Zorc on the week. He asked me to come over Borussia's office. I could only come by today. But I got great news."

"What are you waiting for? Just say it!"

"They want me here. They want me back for the next season. Even though going through two injures in a row they didn't give up on me. I'll be back" Jonas said full of happiness.

"I knew it! I knew it!" Erik shouted. He hugged Jonas so enthusiastically that he lifted the boy off the ground. "I always believed you'd be back and I'm so happy to be right about it."

"They're picking the new trainer but obviously they didn't tell me anything, it wasn't my business, anyway. But he said I'll be part of the squad again. I'm feeling so happy now that it's almost becoming unbearable. Happy for you and your goal. For me for being able to come back to where I belong." Jonas then was hesitant to continue. "And... I'm happy for us, too."

"I don't remember there being an 'us' between you and me."

"I'm sorry, I realize that the friends with benefits idea was madness. Nonetheless, I'm happy for what happened between us and how close we're now."

"It's okay. I confess I didn't have much time to think about this friends with benefits thing. But you know what? We should celebrate our amazing day. After all, we earned it."

"What do you have in mind? Wanna go out again? It's kinda late already."

" No, we're not going anywhere beside the bathroom. I think we could use a good shower."

"Not really. I've already showered today" Jonas replied not getting what Erik wanted.

"Jonas. You. Me. Shower. NOW!" Erik said holding a piercing gaze.

"Oh..." It was all Jonas could say as he understood Erik's intention. "Oh!!! Actually, I'm feeling dirty."

"Dirty, hum?" Erik bit his lip and Jonas groaned.

"So much dirty, you have no idea." The brunette's voice was husky.

"Show me then." Erik demanded.

That was it. Jonas lost it. In the next second Jonas practically buried his tongue into Erik's mouth. Erik pushed him towards the bathroom as they undressed each other leaving their clothes and shoes scattered on their way. By the time they reached the bathroom, they were only on their underwear.

"Whatever happened to the 'fuck you against the door' idea? Jonas asked as Erik set his manhood free from the tight garment."It sounds hot."

"It's tempting, indeed. Not today, though." Erik said as now it was Jonas time to help him out of his underwear. "Who knows, maybe in another opportunity. Today I really want to touch you."

"Go ahead. I'm all yours."

"Is that so?"

"Totally."

Erik pushed Jonas against the bathroom stall kissing him as hungrily as he ever had. The kind of kiss that would leave both of their lips bruised but none of them could care less. Their bodies pressed together creating a much needed friction. The blonde fumbled to turn on the shower. The water fell over them as they explored each other's mouth, playing teasingly with their tongues.

It didn't take long till Jonas found himself facing the wall using his hands to support himself. Erik stood behind him giving small kisses on his neck. The simple touch of the blonde's mouth on his skin was starting to drive him over the edge. It didn't help when Erik wrapped his hand around his length.

Erik stroke Jonas slow and steadily. His mouth never loosing contact with the brunette skin, be it his neck, shoulder or whatever he could kiss. He was enjoying the sounds he was getting out of Jonas. When he noticed Jonas started to have troubles controlling his breaths, Erik had an idea.

"Turn around. I want to look in your eyes while I make you come between my fingers." Erik's voice was hoarse full of lust.

Jonas did as he was told and Erik pushed him against the wall again. This time he pressed their foreheads together, looking fiercely at Jonas' blue eyes, noses brushing, feeling their warm breaths. The brunette hold his gaze and never looked away as Erik tightened the grip around his length increasing the speed of his strokes.

Jonas was having a hard time controlling his orgasm. Erik's touch felt so good and he didn't want it to end soon even knowing he was close to come. He let his hand run through the dark blonde strands of Erik's hair pulling at it softly.

With exception to Jonas, in that night they had slept together, Erik had never given another man a handjob. He still felt a little insecure but the reactions he was getting out of Jonas showed him that he was doing right. It was amazing to feel Jonas' hardening under his hand. He noticed the brunette's body start to shake and stroke faster over his length pulling him dangerously close to come. He pressed his fingertip at Jonas' slit and eventually caressed his tip.

That was it. Jonas couldn't hold his moans any longer. He held onto Erik's shoulders afraid he would loose his balance when going through his high. Erik pumped Jonas' length a couple more times before he felt his release covering his fingers. Erik kept milking him until the very last drop of the white proof of his pleasure.

Once Jonas was back from his high he captured the blonde's lips again in a breathtaking kiss. The water still pouring over their heads and bodies. When they parted Jonas made Erik turn over and hugged him from behind. He ran his left hand over Erik's chest and wrapped his right hand on the blonde's cock. Erik dropped his head over Jonas shoulder.

"You don't need to."

"Oh, but I want to. Come for me, Erik!" Jonas whispered as he kissed his jaw line.

Jonas didn't waste time with slow movements since Erik was already hard and leaking. As the brunette stroked him eagerly Erik couldn't help but to arch his back. He wanted it to last longer but it was becoming painful to hold back. The blonde knew it was matter of seconds for him to come. Maybe only three strokes would do it. However, Jonas suddenly let go of his shaft.

"What the...?" It was the most Erik could say at that moment.

"Erik, now you're gonna be a good boy and hold back." Jonas whispered right into the blonde's ear. Erik's eyes flew open. "You should come only when I say so."

"How the hell am I supposed to do it with you talking to me like that?"

Jonas' started to stroke him again. This time painfully slow for Erik's liking. He tried to follow what Jonas had just asked but eventually failed. He groaned trying to endure Jonas’s firm strokes and when the brunete played with the thumb of his left hand over Erik's nipple while kissing his neck it was all it took him to shudder and come painting the bathroom stall with his semen in fast jets.

Jonas held him tight to make sure Erik wouldn't collapse on the floor. Once the blonde stopped shuddering Jonas turned him around again. Erik was still trying to catch his breath. The blonde ran his hand through his own hair, lips hanging open, eyes closed as he let the water fall over his face. Jonas admired the stunning view. Erik seemed truly happy and satisfied. Just like he himself felt.

"Wow... I'm sorry that I didn't last much." Erik said a little embarrassed.

"Shsh!... That... was... mind...blowing!" Jonas said as he kissed Erik at each pause.

"Really?"

"There's nothing for you to be sorry about, believe me. It was intense and incredible. I was only teasing you. I didn't really expect you to last longer. Didn't you like it?"

"You're kidding me? It was perfect." Erik said and they exchanged genuine smiles.

Later that night they were both laying on Erik’s bed. Jonas was already sleeping. Erik, even being tired after such eventful day, was still awake. Laying on his side, watching Jonas' in his sleep. How could it feel this good being with him? How did Jonas manage to push his buttons in all the right ways? It shouldn't be right. He never thought that being with another man could be this good, arousing and pleasurable. But with Jonas it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Thoughts? I'm very curious to know what you think of it.  
> Comments and kudos are very appreciated.


	10. "New season, here we go"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boys are heading into the new season. 
> 
> As I needed to split the chapter, again, this one ended up being more like a filler. But there's still some fluff lost somewhere here.
> 
> Hope you like it.

Chapter 10 - New season, here we go.

The last matches of the season demanded their full focus. At this point, the most they could archive was a place in the Europe League. With Erik's full attention centred towards the last matches and Jonas going through his last weeks of rehab, they couldn't find enough free time to see each other again, as much as they wanted it. They have been texting and talking via skype everyday but suddenly it started to not be enough anymore. Not for Erik.

But there was nothing he could do for now other than concentrate on his professional life, letting the personal aside. They managed to do good in most of the last games, but lost points in two matches and that made them have to still go through the playoffs for Europe League. Well, if you think that in the earliest rounds they were fighting in the relegation zone, than this is better than nothing at all.

The last match of the season was againt Wolfsburg. Fighting for the Pokal title. All of them were more than determinated to win it for Klopp, e who was for the last time in charge of the team. The news that Klopp wouldn't be their coach caught all of them off guard. It had been particularly tough for Erik. Klopp had been a very important part if his career evolution. Erik couldn't really imagine where he'd today if he kept playing as a striker. Most probably in some second division club.

The fact that they scored the opening goal gave them hope that this time things would work. However, it didn't. Wolfsburg ended up turning the score at their favor. Erik still managed to save the team from conceding another goal. At the end, it didn't matter. They had lost. They couldn't even give that to Klopp. He deserved a better farewell.

Later that night, on his hotel room, he was getting dressed for the season end party they'd still have despite the defeat. It was more like a team dinner along with some speeches to give closure to their not good season.

Erik was buckling his belt when he heard his cellphone ring. Jonas was messaging him.

From: Jonas  
I'm sorry about the defeat. We deserved to have won it. I mean, we beat Bayern to reach the final. That by itself is like winning the title. If you wanna talk, I'm here.

From: Erik  
Klopp deserved this title. But not even this we could give him. I'm feeling bad.

From: Jonas  
That block you made when the ball was already past Mitch was pretty good.

From: Erik  
It doesn't matter. It didn't change anything. We lost, anyway.

From: Jonas  
Look at the bright side, the season is over. Everything that had to go wrong, went wrong. Now, we must learn from our mistakes and never let it happen again. I'm sure the next season will be better. Someone has to stop Bayern. And it better be us.

From: Erik  
I'm sure it can't be worse than this one. But the last thing I want to think now is the next season. I really need a good rest.

From: Jonas  
When can we meet again? I'm moving back to Dortmund this week.

From: Erik  
I'm afraid it won't happen anytime soon.

From: Jonas  
Why? You don't want to?

From: Erik  
I do. But I'm heading home tomorrow, to Pirmasens, to spend time with my family and some friends from there. Then Löw will probably call me up for die Mannchaft matches. After that I'll travel abroad with a friend.

From: Jonas  
So, only when we get back to training?

From: Erik  
Most likely. I'm sorry, I wish it could be sooner. It may sound weird, but I miss you.

From: Jonas  
If it's to sound weird, that makes two of us. I miss you too. =)

From: Erik  
Gotta go now. I have to attend the BvB party. I'm not really in the mood but you know, it's the season's end dinner so... yeah.

From: Jonas  
Have fun. Bye.

Erik joined the national team but in the end he had to watch the matches on the bench. He had picked another damn adductor injury. That was just great. It was the third time this season. He knew he'd have to take care of it to prevent from happening again. For now he was just looking forward to have a good time on his holidays.

Two weeks later Erik got back to the training center for the first day of the pre season. Today they'd undergoing medical examinations. Erik was looking forward to see his teammates, but he couldn't wait to see Jonas again. That unfortunately didn't happen. His tests were scheduled in the afternoon and Jonas had done them in the morning and was long gone by the time he arrived.

The next day he was one the first to show up for practice. He wasn't surprised when he walked into the dressing room and saw Jonas already there along a few other team mates. Erik knew the brunette had been eager and very excited to start the trainings for the new season.

"Such a very sunny holiday, hum?" Mats said as he greeted him.

"Don't even talk about it." Erik replied. Yes, he had a little sunburn.

"After spending almost the whole year on cold weather, I defintely wouldn't mind sunburns." A slightly taller than him, with brown eyes and dark hair man said and offered his hand for Erik to shake." Hi, I'm Roman Bürki."

"I'm Erik Durm." He said shaking hands with the new team mate." Welcome to Borussia Dortmund."

"Thank you. I can't wait to work with all of you guys."

"Oh, look! Our beloved smurf is back." Erik walked towards Jonas. The boy was about to say something but Erik smiled and continued. "It's so good to have you back, Hoffi."

"I'm really glad to be back." Jonas pulled him into a hug.

"I missed you." Erik whispered so only Jonas could hear.

"Missed you too. Wanna meet later tonight?"

"Sure." Erik replied and gently pulled away from the hug, not to look suspicious.

Later that night, they were at Jonas flat, the one he used to live before spending a year in Mainz. Jonas made them popcorn and they sat on his couch to watch a movie.

"So, how was the holiday?" Jonas asked when they were midway the movie. "I see sun wasn't a problem."

"What's up with you guys mocking me for getting a little tan? I like it"

"I never said it was a bad thing. You look fine."

"I know, right?." Erik winked at him. "I had a good time. A good rest. I'm feeling ready for new season. What about yours?

"Since I spent half past season injured, there wasn't much to rest. I spent a week relaxing, getting motivated for the new challenges that will come. I ended up starting my preparation earlier. To be ready for when the whole team would start training. Thankfully, things are going great up to now."

"You look truly happy. I like to see the old Jonas back."

"That's because I'm. More than happy. It feels good to be back where I belong. Where I feel good and wanted."

"I'm happy for you. I told you'd bounce back. I feel like this is gonna be our best season. We're in a good moment in our professional and personal lives. When we manage to get both working we can expect good things to happen."

"Talking about personal stuff, have you met someone new on your trip?

"Are you worried I might have?"

"Why would I be? I'm just asking."

"No, and I haven't even been looking for." Erik said. "What about you?"

"I haven't either. I'm happy with what we have going on."

"Even if it's not a sure thing?"

"Maybe it's better this way." Jonas said and took a sip of his coke. "At least for now."

They got their attention back to the movie and watched it together sharing good laughs throughout it. Eventually they fell asleep leaning against each other. In the middle of the night Jonas woke up and realized they had fallen sleep in uncomfortable positions. He tried to move without waking Erik up. He put one hand on the back of the boy's head and with the other hand he supported Erik's body, laying him carefully on the couch. He picked up a blanket and covered him. He watched Erik's so peacefully in his sleep and before heading to his own bed, Jonas couldn't resist but to give him a 'good night' kiss on his forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated.  
> Get ready... A twist is on the way...


	11. "Stay"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy....There's some drama around. (What? Did you think everything would be rainbows? Hahaha... Nope)
> 
> A song that I choose (& kept listening to while writing it) to this chapter (and for the 1st part of the next one):  
> "Stay - Thirty Seconds to Mars" (by Rihanna originally)
> 
> 1000 hits!!!! Thank you so much!  
> Enjoy it...

Chapter 11 - Stay

The training through the week went on normally. Erik got to know better the new team mates. He was already getting along pretty well with the new goalkeeper, Bürki. From the things they had talked about up to now, they shared some interests. And to his own surprise he and Jonas were dealing well with their secret. They were managing to conceal that there was something more to their normal friendship.

They played two friendlies in that week and won both. Their next step was the Asian tour. Erik was looking forward to it. To be in a place he had never been before. Everything was going as expected until the day before their trip.

Erik was warming up for the team training when he felt a discomfort. One that by now he was, unfortunately, used to. It was the aductor muscle bothering him again. He couldn't keep having this issue. He had to find a solution. He headed to the medical room to talk to the staff and make a decision regarding his recurring injury.

Talking about possible decisions, around an hour later, he was called to the office. For a reunion between him, his manager and the club's directors. They let it clear that it wasn't on their plans to sell him. He was part of the squad for next season. However, they had to inform Erik the interest of other clubs on him. Because it was his choice.

Right now he didn't have interest to leave. But it was nice to see his hard work being acknowledged. There were two clubs interested on him. Atlético de Madrid had enquired about him and Bayern Munich had made an offer. A good one. His manager encoraged him to think about it before giving them an answer.

After he left training, Erik had been at a friend's house but returned to his place after dinner because he had agreed on Jonas coming over for the night. It had been a warm day so he decided to take a shower to cool down. Afterwards he just put on his shorts but decided to stay shirtless, the weather was still hot.

Tomorrow the team would be flying to Japan for the Asia tour. By now he had packed most of his belongings. He took a glance at his suitcase that was next to his bed. Unfortunately, he wouldn't be needing... His thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell. Jonas hugged him quickly and got inside as he closed the door.

"Hey, did you leave training earlier? I didn't see you in the afternoon training." Jonas asked.

"Yes. I had to deal with some things that came up."

"Something wrong?"

"Not really. It's nothing to worry about." Erik said. He wasn't planning to tell Jonas about the meeting with the medical staff not to worry him. Much less about the meeting with the directors. It could have freaked him out.

"I'm done packing my stuff for the trip. I'm really looking forward to it. To meet new fans. They say the Japanese fans are great. Not that the ones here aren't, but I'm curious to see how we'll be welcomed. How our club is seen in a place we've never been at."

"Yeah, it should be cool."

"What's up? You look discouraged for the trip. Only yesterday you were looking forward to it."

"It's nothing. I'm just tired."

"Where is your luggage, anyway? You should have packed pretty much everythingby now."

"Yeah, I should have." Erik sighed and looked away from Jonas. "I just... I'm not going to Asia with the team."

"What do you mean? They cut you out? What happened?

"I'm flying to Munich instead." Erik didn't wanted to tell this to him at this moment but he knew it had to be done. Jonas would notice something was wrong when he wouldn't get in the bus heading with the team to the airport the next day. He didn't want to let the boy clueless, he deserved to know. He closed his eyes anticipating Jonas reaction.

"Is this a fucking joke?" Jonas snapped as he was suddenly very annoyed. "This better be. And it's a very bad one"

"Remember I told you that Bayern was keeping an eye on me? You thought I was lying. But I wasn't."

"Oh, no. Don't tell me you're going the Götze, Lewandowski way. Not you." Jonas said and Erik’s silence bothered him to no end. "Look at me!" The brunette demanded but he didn't do it. "Damn it, Erik! Look in my eyes and tell me you're not doing this!"

"I can't promise you that, sorry. Like I told you, Lahm plans on retiring in a couple of years and they want to pick a young player and work on him to be ready for when the time comes, to take Philipp's place. And now that Guardiola keeps playing him as defensive midfielder they want to buy a player for the new season. They are looking into some options. I heard they're also interested in Mattia de Sciglio from Milan."

"You think you can do it? You think you can simply replace Lahm? Easy job, hum?" Jonas said sarcastically.

"I don't think of it as a replacement. Just a necessary change, after all, he won't play forever. Besides, Lahm is like genius. His skills are excellent but he's also very smart. His view and understanding of a match is incredible. Sharing a house with him in Campo Bahia was a great experience. I may have learned a couple things.I know I have weaknesses and I'm working to overcome them but I also realize Philipp is irreplaceable. I will never be as amazing as he is but I'm always trying to do my best. Now, if they think I'm worthy the try, who knows?"

"I can't believe you're considering it." Jonas started pacing around the room. "Borussia gave you the best opportunity. Klopp noticed your skills and wasn't afraid of turning you into a fullback because he believed in you. He knew you could do fine. And this change took you to a world cup. Everyone here likes you."

"What is wrong with you?" Erik stood up and walked closer to the brunette. "You're talking like as if I had already made a decision."

"It sure looks like it."

"I love Borussia, I'm very grateful to Klopp, I have great friends here and the fans are amazing. But you know what? I can't live on Marcel's or Lukas' shadow forever. If I don't get many chances to play here and Bayern offers me a good opportunity, why not? I'm sure you don't want to live on Reus' shadow either."

"But I definitely wouldn't go to Bayern either. How can you even think about considering it?" Jonas asked. He couldn't imagine why he would want to leave. "Why, Erik? Aren't you happy here?"

"Of course I am. It's just that you don't get offers from Bayern everyday."

"That is no excuse. Borussia should be enough for you. And if it was you'd turn it down right away. If someone finds out you're considering a move to Bayern it won't look good for you."

"Believe me, Borussia is enough. However, I can't rule out their offer. I'm curious to know what they have in minds when it comes to me. You have no idea how good their offer is."

"Good, hum? Before making a decision, I think you should ask Mario if the bench is more comfortable there. By now I bet he has the answer figured."

"What the hell? Are you really going to make fun of it?" Now it was Erik's time to get pissed off. "You're my friend, you should support me no matter what. You're acting more like someone who doesn't want his boyfriend to go away."

"That's bullshit! You could go to mars and I'd support you. But Bayern? Just no. Would you support me if I went to Schalke?"

"Yes, because that's what friends are for. I would support you as long as you're happy. But you know, to me, the way you're reacting looks a bit too personal." Erik looked closely at Jonas."Are you loosing control?"

"Maybe I should be asking you this. You're the one wanting to run away."

"What? That's not true."

"If our team is enough for you, if you're happy with how things are here, then I can't understand why you want to leave."

"Who ever told you I want to leave? I don't remember saying that."

"But you're considering it!" They stayed in silence, just looking at each other for a little while before Jonas spoke again. "Sorry, I can't help but think that it has something to do with us."

"Why are making this personal? It's not."

"It looks like it. If everything else is good than I can only think this is the problem. If you want to end this just say it. And maybe it's better to end this."

"Jonas, you're overreacting. Stop it!"

"I'm disappointed. I could have expected it from anyone. But not from you." Jonas said looking away from Erik. His angry was now replaced by sadness." Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm loosing control over our friends with benefits situation. And as a friend I should accept whatever choice you make. But I can't. I don't want you to leave."

"I told you it wouldn't be a simple thing. I don't want you to get hurt."

"Then we should stop this."

"Is that what you want?" Erik asked fearing his answer.

"No. But maybe it's safer this way."

"Why are you..."

"Never mind, Erik." Jonas said walking towards the door. "It's late. I should go home. I have a long flight tomorrow." They looked at each other for some time. As Erik didn't say anything, Jonas proceeded to open the door.

"Stay!"

Jonas heard Erik whispering tenderly and stopped where he was. He knew he shouldn't look back but he did it anyway. Only to meet Erik's pleading green eyes. He immediately knew he had lost the battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated.


	12. "Trust me"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erik asked Jonas to stay and he did. 
> 
> A short chapter this time. 
> 
> Enjoy it.

Chapter 12 - Trust me

Erik shortened the distance between them stopping in front of Jonas. He held his face in his hand while he caressed the brunette's cheek with his finger. With the other hand he lifted Jonas’ chin so the boy could look at him again. 

"I need you to trust me. I know what I'm doing."

"Do you?" Jonas asked quietly still unsure of whatever Erik had in mind.

"Yes. And I promise you I won't let you down. Just... Trust me"

Erik waited for Jonas to say something. Anything. But the boy only nodded. He stepped back to give him some space, not knowing what the brunette would do next. He was not suprised though when Jonas came closer to him and claimed his lips, clinging to his body. Erik let himself be pushed towards the couch by Jonas. The brunette laid him gently on it and straddled his hips.

Jonas ran his hand all over Erik's naked chest and his six pack. The blond watched with curious eyes while Jonas enjoyed touching his skin. When their lips met again Jonas kissed him with burning desire. Erik immediately reacted with equal lust.

They kept kissing on and on through their make out. Taking a break a few times whenever they ran out of air. On one of these pauses they simply looked at the other in the eye. Both panting for air. In that moment Erik realized they were emotionally connected. And by the confused look on Jonas face, he was probably wondering the same.

Jonas held his chin firmly and turned his head to the right, facing the couch's backrest, giving Jonas free access to his neck. It felt so good to feel the brunette's lips and tongue exploring his skin. Erik put his hand underneath Jonas shirt, rubbing his back. 

Jonas kept kissing his neck, but this time he started to whisper "Stay' and "Don't go" over and over near his ear between the gentle but wet kisses. 

Erik dared to slip his hand lower, grabbing Jonas’ ass and giving it light squeezes. He felt his own cock twitching underneath the garment he was wearing. He pressed Jonas’ body against his own, moving his hips to create friction. The brunette moaned and started to suck and bite at his neck. Erik knew it'd leave some mark but he was liking it too much to make him stop.

Jonas kissed his lips one last time and leaned back, eventually sitting on the couch's armrest.

"Sorry, I'm not in the mood to take this futher."

"No need to apologize, Jonas. It's okay." Erik assured him as he got up. He still managed to steal one last kiss. "Wanna sleep with me? I mean, just sharing my bed."

They were both laying on Erik’s bed, facing each other. Jonas was almost sleeping but he still heard Erik saying softly:

"Just trust me."

On the next morning Jonas left early. Erik was brushing his teeth when he heard a knock on the door. It had been about two minutes since the brunette left. Erik thought he must have forgotten something. To his surprise, it wasn't Jonas. 

"Lisa!"

"Hello! I missed my little brother so much." She said as she hugged him happily. "I had a few days free and decided to come by."

"I missed you too, sis. I'm happy to see you again. Here, let me help you with these." Erik took the bags she had been holding and put them on the counter.

"I thought you probably still haven't had breakfast, so I bought some stuff on the bakery down the street. Mom sent you a gift and dad said you should make a visit."

"Whenever I get free time he knows I always show up."

"What is this?" Erik heard his sister asking and turned around to see her looking closely at some point under his head. "Are these spots on your skin? No, wait.... Is this... Oh!" She started to laugh and that annoyed Erik because he knew what was coming. "These are hickeys. They definitely are! You've been getting lucky, hum?"

"It's none of your business."

"Is she still around?"

"What...? No, I'm alone."

"Oh, I just remembered. I think I just walked past Jonas Hofmann at the building's entrance. He was such a gentleman and held the door open for me to pass while my hands were busy with the bags."

"Yes, he's a good guy"

"He's so good looking, too. And hot, oh dear he's hot. And that blue eyes of his.... Wow!"

"Lisa, can you not?" Erik said. Was this a wave of jealousy going through him? No, it couldn't be, he thought. "It's weird to hear you talking about my best friend like that."

"Chill out, bro. He's too young for me, anyway." She said. Erik watched as something seemed to click in her mind. "Now, it's a hell of a coincidence... Finding you with these hickeys around the same time I walked past Jonas downstairs. Erik...?"

"He lives in the building too." He had to lie. No way he'd admit it to his sister. It wasn't the right time, nor was he ready to do so.

"That'd been awkward." She laughed but soon realized that he, suddenly, seemed bothered. "I mean, not that you might be dating a guy, I don't have a problem with that, but that I could have interrupted something."

"There was nothing to interrupt. Jonas just happen to live in the same building. Have you been talking to mom?"

"About what exactly?"

"Never mind. So, I have to go to Munich today, do you want to come with me?"

"Really?" She asked and he nodded. "I'd love to. But only for the weekend because I need to get back to Pirmasens by Monday."

"Ok. I know you've been wanting to visit the city, so now we have the opportunity to go out together. It's been so long since we did something together, just you and me. And I'll need your help with a little something."

"What about the Asia tour with Borussia?"

"It's a long story..."

Erik decided to change the subject. He couldn't tell her why he wasn't joining the team for the trip. Among somethings he had to do in Munich, he was glad she would come with him. Spending time with family was one of his favorite things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated.


	13. "Behind blue eyes"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter we see how everything happened through Jonas' perspective. And a little twist...
> 
> Hope you enjoy it. Let me know your thoughts.  
> Thanks for the support.

Chapter 13 - Behind blue eyes

_**Jonas Point Of View.** _

Jonas joined his team mates right after lunch. They would be traveling by bus to Frankfurt before taking the flight to initiate their Asia tour. He saw them arriving one by one. Even knowing Erik wouldn't show up, he still had a small hope he'd still come. He wanted to go around asking the club staff if they knew anything about Erik. But he knew it wasn't polite. However, when more players started to make questions about Erik's absence, they were told the blonde had to take some time off to deal with personal issues.

Hours later he was on the plane, sitting by the window. The first hours of their flight went on ok. He found himself distracted in talks with his team mates. But now he was alone, about to sleep. He let some memories flood his mind.

It hasn't been even 12 hours since he last saw Erik and he already missed the blonde. It didn't help to remember that they'd be apart for a whole week, at least. And it got even worse when he remembered their talk last night and the realization that Erik could be gone for real.

After going to Mainz he and Erik ended up drifting apart, inevitably. A football player's life was busy so they lost a little bit of contact. They couldn't talk to each other as often as they'd have liked it.

And maybe this distance made Jonas see Erik under a new light. Their friends with benefits started in a good way. It not only gave them the benefits but it gave a boost to their friendship. They were caring and supporting each other like they used before, if not more. They were getting back their strong friendship. And now with bonus: the two times they shared intimacy had been great.

He knew Erik was right when he said it could be a dangerous thing if it ended up out of their control. If they let feelings getting involved. Jonas choose to ignore it. He knew what he felt for Erik was more special and bigger than any other friendship he had. He just couldn't sort it out. Erik had a special place in his heart. Was it love? Too soon to tell.

Once in Japan, Jonas' first days had been so busy. Meeting the fans on their arrival had been fun. There were many waiting for them. He liked giving autographs and taking pictures with them but at the same time he was glad he didn't get as much attention as Reus.

When they got back after a night training session on the second day, Jonas showered and got ready to sleep. He checked his cellphone and saw a message from Erik, asking about how everything was going. Jonas replied and tried to get something on what he was up to in Munich. Without success. Erik was being secretive and it annoyed him a bit. How was he supposed to trust him when he was acting suspiciously. When he lied his head on the pillow he started to remember the time he realized Erik could be more than a normal friend to him.

Experiencing sex with another man for the first time had been something between okay to good. He'd give it a 6 (from 1-10) if he had to rate it. Maybe he had had high expectations or maybe it really wasn't his thing. It didn't take long for him to know what had been missing. Intimacy. To have a bound with the person. Having sex just for the sake of it wasn't all that fun. Not for him. He was used to have feelings involved when sharing intimacy, like with his ex girlfriend. He was let down by the experience and decided it wasn't supposed to be. That it was better to stick to women.

However, in one stressful day when Mainz had suffered a though loss, before going to sleep, Jonas felt the need to relieve himself. He went for a shower. He started to stroke himselft but after a few minutes it wasn't working. He couldn't find his release. He simply closed his eyes and let his mind wander. He almost freaked out when the first imagine to show up on his mind was one of Erik.

It should be wrong. So wrong. But how could it be wrong? Erik was handsome, he had no problems to admit it. And he was hot. Totally hot. Jonas stroke himselft by the thought of Erik. It didn't take long for him to find the relieve he had been seeking.

When Jonas came back from his height he immediately felt a guilty conscience. That was gross and far from being right. He shouldn't think of his best friend that way. What would Erik think of him if he knew? What Erik doesn't know won't kill him. He decided to forget what just happened. He promised he wouldn't think of Erik like that ever again.

It wasn't long until he broke his own promise. One night before falling asleep, Jonas found himself thinking of him. Again. It wasn't only in a friendly way. He didn't only miss him as a friend. He missed his hugs, being close to him, his shy smile. Also, Jonas was proud of being one of the few people who could put a big smile on his face. His smile was the most beautiful he ever saw. And he still could remember how good it felt when Erik's lips touched his skin when the blonde kissed his neck when he scored against Bayern.

Who was he kidding? He couldn't pretend he didn't know what was happening. He was feeling attracted by his best friend. But it was madness. How was he supposed to deal with this? He decided ignore it. It was probably just his mind playing tricks on him.

Some days later he realized it wasn't just his mind that was playing tricks on him. It was his body as well. Erik had started to be part of his dreams more often but this time, it wasn't an innocent dream. And his body reacted to it. He woke up with a morning erection. It was embarrassing.

Again, he tried to ignore it. And once again, he failed. He had to do something about it. One day he picked up the courage and went to Dortmund to talk to Erik. Only to talk. But he ended up rushing things. His desire talked louder. He expected Erik to snap at him for such mad idea. Jonas was really surprised when he didn't. The night they shared had been even better than his dreams. And the best thing: Erik enjoyed it as much as him.

The memories were still in his mind. How it arouse him when Erik ripped his shirt apart. How smooth Erik's lips felt, how good it felt whenever their tongues met, how they simply fit into each other's arms. And how perfectly their bodies connected together. Jonas knew Erik was a little insecure, which was normal being his first time, but still the blonde did great. The view Jonas had was simply beautiful. Erik's panting for air, lips half opened, squeezing the sheets. Jonas was even surprised when he could see for the first time lust in his beautiful green eyes. Seeing and feeling Erik going from insecure to taking the control arouse him even more, if that was possible. It didn't take long till he found his perfect release after a perfect night with Erik. He wasn't sure if Erik would actually get off but Jonas smiled satisfied when the blonde collapsed on top of him obviously spent after his climax.

Jonas half expected Erik to be mad at him on the next day. But he wasn't. The boy was confused about how things happened out of the blue but he had no regrets. Jonas was relieved to know that. He was feeling guilty for letting his lust risk their friendship.

As a few days passed by Jonas realized that what they did brought them closer. Like, before, as they were usually busy, they used to exchange messages twice a week the most. Now, after their night together, they would message each other almost every day.

Thinking about that special night, Jonas, suddenly, found himself wishing it wasn't just a one night stand. He wanted more. He wanted Erik. He wanted to share more nights like that one with him. But he didn't want commitment. He had just recently found out that he was interested in men. It was too soon to consider something serious.

Then an idea came into his mind: friends with benefits. He knew he was going insane. But he also knew that it was the only way he could be with Erik. At least for now. Jonas was aware that they deserved better than sex with no strings attached. But it's what they could have.

For him, trust played an import part in sex. He couldn't do it with someone he didn't trust. If he couldn't trust in Erik, in whom could he trust? And he trusted Erik. He knew that a friends with benefits relationship, if you could call that, required some maturity. And they had it. Like in the day after the night they shared. For many people it could have been very embarrassing to face each other after after the things they did to one another. Probably Erik felt a little weird about it at first. Which was comprehensible since it was his first time with another man. But he managed to be mature about it. Just as Jonas did.

Jonas knew Erik deserved an explanation to his actions. And he would tell him everything he would want to know. Jonas felt overwhelmed when Erik came to visit him when he had his second surgery. The blonde showed him incredible support. Jonas loved the fact Erik had initiated the kiss they shared that night. It was sweet how Erik was hesitant and insecure at first. But when he, Jonas, demanded more of the kiss, Erik promptly returned.

The kiss gave them the perfect opportunity to talk about them. Jonas made it clear to Erik that it was never his intention to use him. The he had wanted it. He wanted him. He confessed he was attracted to him and suggested the friends with benefits idea. He wouldn't be surprised if Erik got mad at him. Hew knew it was a bit of an insane idea but he had to try. He would rather know the answer than to keep wondering about the what ifs?

Erik showed himself worried with the idea. About the risks of playing with something they had no control over: feelings. Now it was attraction but it could turn into love. And if things end up going wrong, their friendship could be ruined. Jonas trusted himself to never let it grow beyond attraction. He knew they could deal with it. No way he was going to fall in love for another man. Even if the idea of falling in love with someone like Erik wasn't bad.

His next memory was of the day Erik scored his first goal. He arrived in Dortmund early that day. He had some things to deal with there. He also wanted to meet Erik soon but he knew he had to wait. Erik was focused on the game they would have in the afternoon and Jonas didn't want to disturb him.

Suddenly he found himself wondering how it'd be like if Erik got to score his first goal? He knew it was something the blonde really wanted even if he didn't express it out aloud, saying the defense was his priority.

Jonas decided to call Erik and wish him good luck and to tell him he had a good feeling that Erik would score that day. The blonde didn't take him seriously but Jonas still believed he could do it.

Jonas had recived the news that he'd be part of the squad for the new season. That made his day. Later, he watched the match on his place. He watched Erik's goal closely. Jonas felt so proud of him. That day had been going on wonderfully for both of them. And Jonas knew it could get even better if he could get the chance to be with Erik.

Jonas still remembered the big smile that appeared on Erik’s face when he showed up by surprise on the restaurant he were. Later that night they finally had time for themselves. Both were overjoyed with the things that happened to them. It didn't take long before they ended up naked under the shower, together.

They didn't take it futher like in the first time, this time was just about touching one another. Jonas, somehow, felt it was more intimate. Just the two of them lost and completely into the moments they shared.  


Enjoying the kisses on lips and on the skin. Enjoying the pleasure the other would give them. Jonas not only enjoyed to be pushed to his limits by Erik. He loved it even more to feel the proof of Erik's pleasure between his fingers and to know he did that to Erik. To see the blonde giving in to his touches.

For someone who thought could manage not crossing the the line between casual and having feelings, Jonas could feel himself slowly getting involved by Erik. Knowing he was straight, Jonas didn't expect Erik to take 'giving pleasure' seriously. But he could see and feel Erik trying his best. He had to admit, the way Erik's hands caressed him had been amazing. But something that he really appreciated was when Erik pressed his forehead against his own. They were so close. Jonas could practically stare into his soul. How their eyes never looked away as Erik took him high.

Some days went by and Jonas caught himself wondering. Maybe, it's was something temporary, that'd eventually go away. Or maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing if he let himself get attached to Erik. Maybe it would make things even better. Because, by now, he knew by heart that to keep trying to ignore whatever he was feeling wasn't working. So maybe, if that was the case it was better just to accept it.

Just when he was starting to get used to the idea, Erik revealed he could be leaving soon. Jonas’ didn't want to believe. He couldn't even understand why Erik was even considering it. If he was truly happy here then why consider it. Jonas started to wonder if it had something to do with their 'thing'. Erik made sure to let him know that there wasn't. Jonas still wasn't sure. His heart clenched with the fear that he could be loosing him. They had just started to have this nice thing going on, Jonas didn't want it to end it so soon.

When Erik asked him to trust him, Jonas wanted to, but he felt insecure. If Erik was willing to consider a move to Bayern, something was wrong. But Jonas didn't want to question him more. Jonas just wanted to drag Erik to the couch and kiss him over and over again. And that's what he did. He liked being close to Erik. And now, he didn't know if there would be another time. He started asking Erik to stay and not to go. Jonas could only hope Erik would listen to him, even if he didn't exactly have the right to ask such thing. He was feeling upset to take their make out futher. He felt comfortable laying next to Erik on his bed before falling asleep. It could have been the last time.

Back to present time, Jonas remembered Erik's words: 'I won't let you down' and he choose to hold on to that.

The Asia Tour was a success. Everyone seemed to enjoy the experience and the places they've been at. Jonas, unfortunately, didn't score but he was happy to help the team grab the wins. Off the field he was hanging out with a few team mates and getting to know better the new ones.

He really tried to keep Erik off of his mind and he really failed. Again. They would be returning to Germany on the next day. Jonas was missing him more than he should, as a friend. He tried texting Erik but the blonde still wasn't talking much.

When he landed back in Dortmund he decided he wouldn't care any longer. If Erik wanted to talk he'd have to look for Jonas. And yet, Jonas maybe wouldn't listen to him. He was very annoyed by Erik's behavior.

They had the weekend off and when they training restarted on Monday Erik was nowhere to be seen. His car was still parked in his spot at the parking lot but apparently he was still in Munich. Jonas started to suspect the prolonged trip there, it had been over one week and he still wasn't back. He even researched on internet for any news on a possible transfer but there was none. No news is good news, right?

Today it was his birthday. He had been planning to go out with Erik. But now that the day had come, Erik was still away. After the training, he along a few team mates went bowling to celebrate it. But he couldn't fully do it because Erik wasn't there. Jonas would've given anything for him to be there.

He got back home already feeling upset and it only got worse. There was a gift wrapped retangular box waiting on his mail. He took it home. He unwrapped it to see a red box with Bayern's emblem on it. He closed his eyes. This couldn't be happening. He hoped it was a bad dream. However, when he opened his eyes, he was still holding the box.

He took a deep breath before opening it. There was a Bayern shirt inside. The red one for the new season. With trembling fingers he took it out of the box. He felt his heart practically stop when he saw the back of it: Durm - 15. There was a note in the box:

_"I just thought you'd like to be the first to know...."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha don't kill me...  
> Comments and kudos are very appreciated. Let me know your thoughts on it.


	14. "Broken strings"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jonas doesn't reacts well after receiving the Bayern shirt and when he meets Erik again, well, it gets complicated. 
> 
> This chapter was written (while listening to) and inspired by the song: "Broken strings" by James Morrison & Nelly Furtado
> 
> Hope you like it. Let me know your thoughts.

Chapter 14 - Broken strings

It seemed like the earth stopped spinning, the air was no longer being enough for his lungs, he could barely feel his own heartbeat and he suddenly felt cold, (this considering the weather was around 26°C). He sunk on his couch, still holding the jersey. He couldn't believe it. His fear became real. He was about to loose Erik.

He felt betrayed. Erik had asked Jonas to trust him. And for what? For Erik to do this? To play with his feelings. As much Jonas fought hard to deny it, deep down he knew that the reason why he was feeling broken right now had something to do with his emotions. Emotions that he had taken for granted that wouldn't be involved.

The fear of loosing Erik was real. It was hurting him. His heart clenching on his chest. He wanted to call Erik right away to hear from him, still hoping it was a lie or something. But the sadness, disappointment, betrayal and hurt that he was feeling at the moment took all his strength away.

The only thing he felt like doing was walking to his fridge and grabbing a beer. The first of probably many he would have that night. It was the only way to lessen the emotional pain he was going through.

He wasn't prepared to loose Erik this soon. Not now that he felt wanted by Erik. That night on the shower, he knew he wasn't the only one giving in to his desire. Erik wanted him too. So, why was he going away? With Erik in Munich, they would eventually fall apart.

On that night Jonas could barely sleep. He kept waking up many times through it. Having nightmares where Erik would tell him how he regretted everything that happened, that he was disgusted by what they had done, or how he blamed him saying Jonas had ruined him.

The last time Jonas woke up, he was shaking and soaked in sweat. The last nightmare has been the worst.

_'I hate you. I don't want to see you ever again. I want you out of my life. You damaged me. I hate you so much. You freak.'_

The memories of all his nightmares ran through his mind. He had to bite the pillow in an attempt not to cry.

On the next morning he woke up with a hangover. After the beers he had had last night, he already expected it. It wasn't bad. It wasn't his first hangover and he knew it wouldn't be his last. Besides, he was still feeling hurt, along a bunch of things, a hangover didn't add much. He put on his training kit, sunglasses and a cap and left his place.

He parked his car on the parking lot of the training grounds. His spot happened to be nearby Erik's spot. So, when he got out of his car something caught his attention on the corner of his eyes. He saw a taxi cab by the main gate. And from there Erik got out. He was dressed in casual clothes, he was there to say goodbye, Jonas thought.

Jonas took off his sunglasses and got his backpack from the back seat and was about head to the dressing room when he saw Erik coming his way. Their eyes met and the blonde smiled at him. How dared him? Jonas simply walked straight past him leaving a confused Erik behind.

It wasn't a surprise that his training session went bad. His fears, hurt and worries were disturbing his concentration. He stayed in the training center till around 4pm. He ended up being dismissed from the afternoon training. Jonas hadn't seen Erik again since the morning. It saddened him that Erik left without even talking to him. But then again, he wasn't even sure he'd have wanted to see the blonde.

It was past 6pm, Jonas was laying on his couch, texting some friends. Trying to distract from the hurt that wouldn't go away. The TV was turned on, there was a friendly match going on but he barely payed attention on who was playing.

He heard someone knocking on his door. He decided to ignore it. The last thing he wanted now was to be bothered. When he thought that the person was gone, he heard his doorbell ring. He cursed at it.

When he opened the door, he faced the last person he wanted to see right now: Erik.

"What are you doing here?" He asked annoyed

"We need to talk."

"I don't want talk to you."

"I'll be quick."

"What do you want?" Jonas allowed him in. "Did you come here just to rub your betrayal on my face?"

"Betrayal? What are you...?

"No, you don't get to talk here. We have nothing to talk about. But since you're here, you're gonna listen to me."

"But you don't..."

"Shut up! What the hell is going on with you? It hasn't been even two months ago when we, as in me and YOU, promised each other to give our best for our team. FOR BORUSSIA!"

"I never said..."

"How could you do this?" Jonas continued raising his voice. "How could you sign with Bayern? If things were good here, why did you do it?"

"If you let me..."

"No, I won't let you talk. You've changed through the last year. The world cup boosted your ego and not in a good way. The old Erik would wait for his opportunity. Now you're so greedy for a place on the starting XI to the point of moving to our rival just to get it."

"First: guess what? People change. And you know what was the biggest change that happened to me recently?" Erik asked not letting Jonas interrupt him this time. "It was allowing our friendship to reach an intimate level. So, you don't get to complain about how I may or may not have changed. Because, this one I did for you."

"If only I knew you'd be doing this, going to Bayern, then I wouldn't even have started it."

"Second, if I enjoyed staying on the bench, then I should quit football, because obviously I wouldn't be in the right job."

"You talk like your position is threatened. You know pretty well there are players in much more insecure situations than yours. And they're not complaining."

"And neither am I. Bayern just offered me a better opportunity."

"And you just took it. Are you really gonna leave behind all the progress you made here, all you conquered to take on a risky move? What th is next? You want to have a new fake life, full of fake happiness?" Jonas said. "Oh, wait! I've heard this story before... You're probably gonna get yourself a fake girlfriend too. And probably will fuck her meaningless just to..."

"Just like I fucked you that night you showed up at my door just for me to fulfill your needs? Why are you even talking to me like that? Did you drink anything?"

"No, I'm sober."

"Well, it just makes it worse."  


"You're running away like a coward, what did you want me to say? If you are waiting for some sort of congratulations, forget it."

"Like a coward? How dare you?" Now Erik was offended.

"If you didn't want us to cross the line, you should've said no and I'd have accepted it. But no! You played along only to end up regretting? You gave me hope only to go away like that?"

"I gave you what?" What is going on here, Jonas?"

"I just don't want us to end up like Mario and Marco"

" I don't understand how they have anything to do with us."

"Don't you remember how Marco was broken and miserable when Mario left for Bayern?"

"Why are you trying to compare them to us? It's completely different."

"No, it's not that much different. They loved each other and ended up in pieces because of Mario's selfishness. Only God knows if he ever regrets that. I don't want us to go through the same thing."

"We don't love each other, Jonas." Erik couldn't help but to snap at the brunette. "It was your choice. You made it clear when you suggested to go into a friends with benefits relationship. No feelings involved, remember? Or are there any...?"

"Get out!" Jonas said. Deep down he knew Erik was right but that still didn't help him. Erik's words left him feeling even more hurt than he already was. He just couldn't stand it anymore.

"Fine." Erik knew Jonas wouldn't listen to him if he tried to explain himself. "But so you know, we can't end up like Marco and Mario. They ended up with broken strings. You and I, there aren't strings to be broken."

"Whatever. We're done. Get out."

Erik took a deep breath and walked out of Jonas’ place but before he closed the door, he stopped to look at Jonas one last time. He noticed the boy's eyes becoming slightly red and watery, just like his own eyes.

"Whatever you're thinking of me right now... You're wrong." Erik's voice was weak and trembling.

Once the door was closed, out of frustration, Jonas reached for the next thing close to him and threw it at the door. It was a glass that now was shattered on the floor.

"Damn it!" He cursed as he realized what he did.

The next two days were hard for Jonas. He had to deal with Erik's departure and the hurt he was left with. He still couldn't understand why Erik took such drastic decision out of the blue. Jonas then decided not to care about it any longer. If Erik wasn't sad, then why does he had to be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated.


	15. "Only for you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jonas goes to Bad Ragaz with the team. Meanwhile, Erik goes to.... somewhere.
> 
> Early update. Hope you enjoy it. Let me know your thoughts.

Chapter 15 - Only for you

The team traveled to Bad Ragaz for the pre season trainings. Jonas decided to keep his focus fully on his work. After all, he still has to impress the new coach with his skills if he wants to aim for a regular spot in the starting XI. And that, indeed, he wants.

However, even having promised himself that he wouldn't keep thinking about Erik, on the first day of training, he found himself wishing Erik would still show up. Even if it was impossible given Erik was probably enjoying himself in Munich.

Through the training he caught himself looking around a few times for any sign of Erik, still a little hopeful. It was hard for him to believe Erik wouldn't be around anymore. He had this constant feeling that something was missing. At some point reality finally hit him and he gave up. Erik had made his choice and Jonas wasn't part of it. That was it. He had to move on.

He was sharing a room with Matthias. After the afternoon training they got back to their room. Jonas took a shower first and then waited for the younger to take his so they could go for dinner downstairs. Once they were ready they headed to he hall to get the elevator.

Matthias was telling him a funny story about his holiday while they waited for the elevador. When it arrived on their floor, Jonas was ready to step ahead to get into it when he stopped dead on his track. The view he got made his heart miss a beat. Bürki had his arm around Erik’s shoulder as the two of them seemed to be sharing a good laugh at something. It took him a few seconds to realize it was really Erik in there, that it wasn't his mind playing tricks on him.

Erik was dressed casual but had his suitcase with him. When the blonde saw him, he immediately became serious, getting away from Romans' s arm. Seeing the goalkeeper with his arm around Erik had bothered Jonas a bit.

Bürki greeted Matze and Jonas and headed to his room. Erik stepped out of the elevator and greeted the younger with a hug while Jonas got inside the elevator. Matze soon followed him. Before the door closed his eyes met Erik's. He could see sadness in them.

Suddenly, he knew his time in Bad Ragaz would be tough.

Jonas sighed and leaned against the elevator wall. For a moment he was very confused. Erik was supposed to be in Munich, so what was he doing here? What the hell was all that Bayern talk? He was distracted from his thoughts by Matze's voice.

"Trouble in paradise?"

"What? I don't know what you're talking about."

"I know about you and Erik." The younger said. Jonas looked at him with eyes wide open, about to go on in denial. "I mean, I don't know for sure but I suspect something is going on."

"Just don't tell anybody, please." Jonas knew he could trust his friend but he just wanted to make sure.

"Don't worry, you know I won't. I've been suspecting for a while. And now that it just seemed there was some awkwardness between you two, I'm convinced something is going on. Knowing how great friends you're, things has never been awkward between you before. What happened?"

"It's complicated."

"Already? You know the relationship is getting serious when there's a 'it's complicated' on it.

"Wait, there is no relationship, we're not dating."

"Then what is it?"

"It's complicated" Jonas says as the elevator reached the destination and they head to the restaurant. "We had a bad argument."

"Aw, you just had your first argument. That looks like a couple thing to me. Congrats, it's getting serious."

"Please, no jokes."

"That bad?"

"Yeah."

"Sorry. If you need to talk, you can count on me." Matze said as they stopped by the restaurant door." One last thing. If you have to talk to somebody, it's Erik. Whatever happened that got you this way, talk to him. The more you wait to deal with it, the more unnecessary hurt you'll be through, both of you. And people will start to notice it since everyone here knows how pretty good you get along."

"I'm not sure exactly what happened but I think he made a mistake. He knows where to find me if he wants to apologize." And with that they entered the restaurant putting an end to that matter.

On the next morning, trough the breakfast, Jonas had to watch, annoyed, Erik and Roman enjoying some bonding time. Something about it unsettled him and it didn't help when he learned that they were sharing a room. They seemed, somehow, too close for his liking. He wasn't jealous, he said to himself, no way he would be.

Through the training, at times, at many times, they caught themselves throwing glances at one another but both would look away quickly.

Tuchel put them to play in the same team in the training, hoping to see how they could work together on the right side. They could only hope the coach wouldn't take conclusions based on the first impression. Because they were quite out of tune. They would either make a wrong pass or not pass the ball to the other at all.

When the coach gave them a little break, Jonas, frustrated and tired, took the chance to drink some water. He sat on the grass and looked around. Obviously, his eyes searched for Erik. Jonas watched as the blonde laughed at something Roman was telling him. Then Erik must have said something back because now the goalkeeper smiled at Erik. But he not only did that, he also messed with Erik's hair. Jonas felt like puking at the view.

When the training was over Tuchel called them aside for a little talk. The coach made them face each other and stood beside them, with one hand on Erik's shoulder and the other on Jonas'.

"One of the first things I did when I became Borussia's coach was to understand the dynamics of this team. To know how everyone gets along. I was told about your friendship. It's said to be one of the strongest of the team. Which makes me wonder why you two seemed off through the training." Tuchel said. They just kept looking at one another, without saying a word. Jonas was still upset and so was Erik. "Look, whatever happened, you need to fix it. As soon as possible. I believe your dynamics can benefit the team, that it can be very helpful for the team to fight for what we aim in this season. So, I need you two getting along. I need you working together in perfect harmony. And I don't like seeing issues between my players. Can I count on you?"

"Yes." They said together after a couple seconds.

"Good. Now shake hands." Tuchel said but the boys just stared at the coach. "You gotta start somehow." Erik and Jonas hesitantly shook hands. "See, it wasn't hard. Now, you better fix it fast or I might lock you two somewhere so you can do it. And only let you leave once you two get things straight."

Tuchel walked away leaving them alone. Jonas swallowed hard when his eyes met Erik's. The blonde seemed to be about to say something but Jonas wasn't ready to hear whatever it was. He had no idea why things seemed to go wrong in Munich but he still felt somehow betrayed. He turned around and left.

Two days later, after winning a friendly match, Jonas was resting, looking up something on internet. He came across a new video Auba had posted on his Instagram. Erik was on it. Along Auba, Julian and... Bürki. He knew it was just a joke between the guys. But he still though it was stupid. He didn't know what annoyed him more. If it was Erik allowing to be slapped on the face or if it was because Bürki was the one doing it. He didn't like at all their proximity, how they seemed to be locking eyes or even worse, he couldn't see the goalkeeper's face, but by the corner of his lips, Roman was grinning directly at Erik. And he couldn't stand that.

On the next night some players gathered around for a mini table tennis tournament. Jonas had just beaten Marco and his next opponent would be Bürki. He swore he had never played such a tense match. He hit hard every single time the goalkeeper threw the small ball at him. Jonas end up loosing the mini game and still had to watch Roman raise his hand for Erik to high-5.

Jonas had enough. He excused himself, saying he needed to sleep. He headed to the elevator. The door was about to close when Erik jumped in. Jonas avoided looking at him and Erik was quiet. The blonde was the first to step out of the elevator, Jonas left behind him and then he couldn't hold his annoyance anymore.

"Having a nice bonding time with Bürki, aren't you?" Jonas asked and Erik turned around to face him. "Hugging, smiling, being slapped on the face, eye fucking. Or are you already doing more than just eye fucking?"

"Jonas, what are you insinuating here?" Erik asked trying to keep his calm, stepping closer to the brunnette.

"You heard me. "

"You're gonna listen to me right now." Erik grabbed Jonas by the shoulders and pushed him against the wall. Keeping their faces pretty close. "Had someone else insinuated that to me, I'd have punched him right away. But I would never do that to you. Now, I know I screwed up and I owe you an apology. But you don't have the right to make such insinuation. I made an exception for you. Only for you. Because I really like you. And yet, that doesn't mean I'm gay or that I feel attracted by men. I feel attracted for you and only for you. So, if you wanna be jealous over me, please be it because of a woman. It offends me to see you jealous over a man."

"I'm not jealous."

"Yeah, and I'm not offended by your words." Erik said sarcastically.

"Hm... Guys? What is going on here?" A confused Mats asked coming out of the elevator. Erik stepped back to put some distance between him and Jonas.

"Nothing." Jonas replied. "I'm off to sleep. Good night."

Erik also wished Mats a good night and headed to his room. He made a decision. He and Jonas had to have a conversation. No matter what, Erik was determined to make it happen tomorrow. They couldn't keep that way. They were only hurting each other more. And he knew it was his fault. He had to make up for it.

The first thing Erik did on the next morning was to look for Jonas. Matze let him in on his room and went downstairs for breakfast. Erik noticed Jonas was in the bathroom and sat on the brunette's bed, waiting for him.

"Hey." Erik said as Jonas came out. The boy was surprised to see him there but didn't react negatively.

"Hi."

"Look, I can't stand the way things are between us anymore. And I know it's all my fault. So, will you let me, at least, try to make things right?"

"What do you have in mind?"

"It seems like we have the afternoon off and I heard there's a park nearby where people usually go to enjoy some sun by the lake. I just thought that maybe we could head down there and talk things out."

"I'm a bit mad at you."

"I know. And I know I deserve it. But I also deserve a chance to fix it."

"You have it. When do we meet?"

"I don't know, around 3pm?"

"Sounds good."

"I'm looking forward to it."

"Me too."

Erik knew Jonas was hurt and that it was his fault but he felt relieved that Jonas was willing to giving him a chance to explain himself. He could only hope Jonas would forgive him. He was determined to get things right. The distance was taking a toll on the two of them and he wanted to put an end to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As much as I love Bayern and Erik (conflicting, isn't it? Lol) I could never put him there. Not even in fiction. He belongs to Borussia. 
> 
> So... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated. They keep me motivated.


	16. "Apologies"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An afternoon on the park and Erik has some explaining to do, apologies to give and an important question to make.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it. Let me know your thoughts.

Chapter 16 - Apologies

It was a around 2.45pm, Erik was outside the hotel waiting for Jonas to show up. He was looking on his cellphone, checking for the right directions to the park. It wasn't far. About 15 minutes by foot. 5 if they could get the bicycles. He was distracted when he felt someone blowing softly at the back of his neck. It made him smile. Jonas had done this before a long time ago while he was giving an interview.

"Ready?" Erik asked.

"Yes. But don't you think we'll be reckonized?"

"Probably. But that's normal, besides, for all that matters, we're just two friends hanging out. Which is actually what it is."

"How will we get there?"

"I think we could get the bicycles. It's near here. We could stop to buy some stuff to eat and drink on the way. How does it sound?"

"Food and drinks, by the lake on the park, it almost sounds like a picnic for me."

"I didn't realize that. It's not bad is it?

"Never said it was. Let's go?"

About fifteen minutes later they arrived at a bench nearby the lake. They let their bicycles near the tree beside them. Erik put the snacks and drinks over the table and they sat across each other. Erik was looking around while trying to think where he should start.

"So..?" Jonas started since Erik didn't seem to pick up the courage. "What was all that Bayern talk?"

"You will want to kill when you find out what it actually was, and after seeing how it affected you, I believe you have all the right to."

"What went wrong? I mean, you even had a jersey with your name on it."

"About that... You assumed I took the offer, only that I never said I did... It was a prank."

"What?" Jonas snapped, almost choking with the orange juice he had been drinking.

"Do you really mean to tell me that it was a fucking prank?"

"It was a silly joke. I could never have imagined you'd take it that bad."

"Erik, that was stupid. How could you? Do you have any idea how bad it was?"

"I can only imagine."

"No, you can't. You have no idea how hurt I felt, the nasty nightmares I had, how the fear of loosing you made me feel broken. What the hell were you thinking?"

"I'm so sorry. I didn't expect you to feel this way. Remember I asked you to trust me? That I wouldn't let you down." Erik said, feeling slightly upset. "I thought you trusted me. If you had trusted me like I asked you to, it wouldn't end up as bad as it did. Not that I'm blaming you. No. Things got bad, out of control and it was all my fault. And I'm so sorry for that."

"I tried to trust you. But how was I supposed to? It seemed you were looking forward to it. Then I get a fucking jersey with your name on it, and on my birthday. It was supposed to be a great day, I wanted to spend it with you. But you ruined it completely."

"I swear it was not my intention."

"Then why didn't you tell me it was a prank? Why did you let me feel hurt when you knew it was for nothing?"

"Well, I tried to. But you wouldn't let me. You kept interrupting me. At some point I got frustrated, gave up trying, and talked back at your crazy accusations."

"Because you made me think you were about to make a drastic decision. I thought you were leaving because you regretted what we had, and wanted to start something new, and pretend it never happened."

"Jonas, I really wish I could hold your hand right now. But I can't, giving the fact that we're in public." Erik said. There were some people enjoying the sun by the lake. They had picked a place where they couldn't be heard, but that doesn't mean they couldn't be seen. "I want you to know I don't regret any minute I spent with you. What I do regret are the minutes that I DIDN'T spend with you. Even more the ones where it was my fault. Because of my stupid mistake. I said things I didn't mean to... Yeah... I messed up."

"Like the: 'We don't love each other' thing?"

"Look, I can't say for you but on my side, I can honestly say what we have is special. If it's something more, like love, I guess only time will tell. So, please, don't feel bad or offended that I can't say it now. If I forced that now it'd be untrue, just empty words. Jonas, you deserve much better than that."

"Something I still don't understand though, if this whole Bayern thing was a prank, and you didn't go to Asia, then where have you been?"

"Still in Munich. The jersey was prank. Bayern's interest was real. A few people from Bayern came to meet me informally in the hotel I was."

"What did they say?"

"Some things here and there, but that doesn't matter." Erik said. "I know it was a hell of an opportunity but I don't want it. I'd always be seen as Lahm's replacement. Can you imagine the pressure they'd put me through to follow his steps?"

"Not to mention Guardiola's crazy ideas for tatics."

"Exactly. He has two of the best left/right defenders, Alaba and Lahm, but uses them on midfield. I can't help but think that if I played there, in case Lewandowski gets injured, I'd end up as a striker again."

"Well, I wouldn't be surprised."

"And I don't want to become anything like a 'Philipp Lahm 2'. I just wanna be Erik Durm and make my own history on Borussia. And if everything goes right, I surely wouldn't mind having a career like Kehl's. Staying here for many years until my retirement."

"Already thinking this far?"

"Like you said, I'm happy here, why would I want to leave? That would only happen if Borussia doesn't want me here. Otherwise, I don't have any reason to leave."

"Yeah, if they don't kick me out again, I'd want to stay for a long time. And you know what? I think guys like me, you, Matze, and I dare to say Marco too, could stay here for a very long time. Although, for Marco it must be harder, when at every transfer window there are different clubs making him high offers. But we see how Borussia is important to him when he stands with us."

"Borussia changed my life completely and I can't be thankful enough. Before I was only an inspiring striker in a 3rd division club. Now I'm in one of the best teams of Europe, with a promising future ahead of me. I'd never exchange what I have here for a risky opportunity, I want to give my all for this club. How could you actually believe I'd go to Bayern?"

"You even had a shirt with your name on it." Jonas said. "How was I not supposed to? What is even that jersey? You made a fake one just to prank me?"

"Please, tell me you didn't put fire on it or that you threw it away."

"Even though it hurt me when I saw that jersey, believing you were leaving, I'd still support you, after all. It's still in one piece, I tucked it in my wardrobe. Why?

"It's my sister's. And I kinda need it back." Erik said but Jonas looked confused. "The 'Durm' name on it belongs to my sister. She likes to collect jerseys. She bought this Bayern one and put her name on it. And considering the circumstances, I thought I could take the opportunity and use it for a prank. I told her my plans and she said it was a bad idea."

"I couldn't agree more with her. But isn't it weird that your sister owns a Bayern jersey?"

"Not really. If you go to my parents house, you might think I play for Real Madrid. She has many jerseys with Durm on it. But she keeps my jersey on a special place, when she's not using her woman's jersey. Talking about Real Madrid, can you imagine how she almost freaked out when she realized I'd be marking Cristiano Ronaldo on our Champions League match last year? I ended up having to stop Bale but she still called me after the match asking me weird things about Cristiano, as if I'd have payed attention to such things. I'm not into men."

"Are you sure of it?" Jonas asked, raising his eyebrow.

"Not back then. And probably not now. Like I told you, I don't feel attracted to men, but then there's you and I just can't explain it."

"But what were you up to in Munich? If not because of Bayern, then...?

"On the day before the trip to Asia I felt the aductor muscle start to bother me again. It has been happening too often lately and I talked to the medical staff. We decided that I should try an special treatment before it becomes chronic. And the best place for that is in Munich. So I spent almost ten days doing many exams and under intensive treatment."

"Is it better now?"

"For now it's, but we'll only know for sure going through the matches to see how the muscle reacts to the continuous strain."

"So, you're really staying?"

"Is it me being here not enough for you to believe it? Look, I'd never go to Bayern. About the offer from Atlético de Madrid: well, I always liked Barcelona, the city, better. Dortmund has everything that makes ne happy. And by everything, that also includes you. I'm keeping the promise we made, to help take Borussia back to the top. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. I belong here. So, you'll have to keep up with me for a long time."

"Erik, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Please, don't ever do that again." Jonas said. He was serious. The most serious Erik had ever seen him. "It wasn't funny."

"I promise I won't. I'm really sorry. I'll understand if you want to take some time till you can forgive me."

"Erik, as much I want to be mad at you, I can't. I guess we've already spent too much time away from each other. Maybe things will still take a little time to get back to normal, but I don’t want to stay away from you. I just can't."

"I'm worried, Jonas."

"About what?"

"You. For someone who wanted things to be casual, your reaction worries me. I mean, having nightmares, feeling hurt and broken? This is way beyond... It seems like you have feelings. Jonas, are you falling in love with me?"

Jonas was startled by his question. Erik watched as the brunette seemed to be struggling with his answer. Jonas kept looking at him probably wanting to say something but the words simply wouldn't come out of his mouth. Erik decided to wait for Jonas to be ready to talk, without pressing him

A minute or two later, Jonas took a deep breath. He was ready to talk and Erik was looking forward to his answer. Jonas looked back at him, opened his mouth to say something but they were interrupted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated. They keep me motivated and inspired.


	17. "A little tease"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little talk, a little intrusion, a little longing and a Selfie. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it. Let me know your thoughts.
> 
> 1500 views!!! Thank you!!

Chapter 17 - A little tease

A group of four people approached them and politely asked them for some pictures and autographs. They spent a few minutes doing their requests. Once it was done the people thanked them and left. They sat back at the bench, finishing their snacks and drinks.

"So...?" Erik tried to continue from where they had stopped.

"So... I think we should head back to the hotel soon."

"Ok, but just so you know, you're not getting away from answering me that." Erik said, frustrated for not getting an answer. He'd let it go for now but he'd definitely get back to that at some point. "And about Bürki, you shouldn't see him as some kind of rival to you. Because he isn't. He's a nice person, you should get to know him better, I think you two will get along well."

"I'm sorry for ever thinking that you and Bürki, you know..."

"It's okay, you were blind by jealousy."

"No, I wasn't." Jonas said. He wouldn't admit it. Not to himself. Let alone to Erik.

"Right, you pretend you're not jealous and I pretend to believe you. Deal?"

"Deal."Jonas said and they laughed. Erik new it would probably take time for Jonas to feel totally comfortable with him again, but it was nice to see him smiling. He missed that.

"Before we go, why don't we take a selfie by the lake? I'd love to post on my Instagram."

"Won't it look suspicious?"

"Why would it? It's just friends enjoying some free time. And actually, I think people might find it suspicious that we've not been getting along lately, considering they know we're really good friends."

"Ok. Let's clean this and get the bicycles. Then we go by the lake."

They cleaned the what was left from their snacks and drinks, throwing it in a nearby trash. They got their bicycles and stopped by the river. They stood in front of it, with the lake on the background and smiled at the camera. Erik showed the picture to Jonas and he approved it.

_"Happy to hang out with Hoffi again. #imissedyou #bestfriend #JH7"_

That was the caption Erik wrote, along some emojis. Jonas looked at the picture once again, contemplating it.

"We look good together, don't we?"

"Yeah, it's a great picture."

"But I gotta say, I do look better, though." Jonas joked.

"If you say so... But I disagree." Erik winked at him.

Through the next two days things between them started to get back to normal. Tuchel was very pleased to see that they were making some progress and getting their harmony back.

Their last game in Switzerland was against Juventus. A team that Erik still had bad memories because of the last Champions League. But at the same time, if they hadn't lost that match against them, maybe things between Jonas and him wouldn't be as they are now. They'd probably still have the same old normal friendship. So, somehow he was grateful.

He was looking forward to play in that match. However, in the middle of the warm up he felt a discomfort on his knee. He couldn't help but to curse at it. Now that he had finally dealt with his aductor issues, the last thing he needed was new issues in other body's part. He had to watch from the bench as Borussia won 2-0 over Juventus.

Later that night, their last in Bad Ragaz, some players gathered for the table tennis mini tournament, as they usually did. Jonas was talking with Gonzalo and Bürki Yes, the goalkeeper. Erik had been right. Roman seemed to be a good person, now that he wasn't worried anymore he could see it.

When Bürki joined Matze for the next match, Jonas received a text from Erik asking him to come by his room. Jonas excused himself and headed to the blonde's room. Jonas could imagine what was expecting him. Erik would probably start questioning him. But he just couldn't say no.

He knocked on the door and soon heard Erik yelling for him to come in. He entered in an apparent empty room.

"Hey, Erik. I just got here. Are you in the... Oh, dear God." This was the only thing Jonas managed to say as he saw Erik coming out of the bathroom only on his underwear. He could even see a few drops of water that still remained on his body. Jonas bit his lip in frustration. "Is it really necessary?"

"What are you talking about?" Erik asked while he messed with his wet hair.

"Do you really have to be in front of me only on your underwear?"

"What? I like sleeping only on it, you know that." Erik adjusted the waistband of his underwear lower, smirking.

"You're trying to tease me, aren't you?"

"Am I succeeding?"

"Not really." Jonas lied. He knew his smile gave him away.

"By the way, that picture of us that I posted..." Erik grabbed his cellphone and showed the post to Jonas. "There are a lot of likes on it. And you see here, some people tagged it as '#Durmann', whatever that means... But that's not why I asked you to come." He threw his cellphone on his bed and turned his attention back to Jonas, cornering him against the wall. "Now, you still owe me an answer. You're getting attached to me, aren't you?"

"If you don't mind, I'll keep owing you the answer. And you being this close isn't helping me."

"I want you." Erik said. Jonas watched as Erik's eyes wandered to his mouth while the blonde licked his own lips. "I know I don't deserve you right now but that doesn't stop me from wanting you."

"We can't."

"I know. But that also doesn't stop me from wanting you. And I know that you need time to forgive me but... Damn, what are you doing to me, Jonas?"

Their faces were close. Erik closed his eyes expecting Jonas to do the move. By the warmth of Jonas' breath Erik felt him shortening the distance between their lips. When their lips were just about to touch, there was a knock on the door. But whoever was outside didn't expect for a reply and opened it.

Erik was thankful for Jonas’ good reflexes, even if that meant to be pushed abruptly on his bed. The person who was outside just entered in time to see Erik’s 'epic' fall. He looked confused at both of them.

"Am I interrupting something?" The person by the door asked.

"No!" Jonas said.

"Yes!" Erik said at the same time as Jonas.

Marco was standing clueless by the door as he watched an almost naked Erik falling, or most likely, being pushed on his bed. His eyes going from Erik to Jonas and then back.

"Are you guys fighting or something? It seems things are a little difficult between you two lately."

"We're not fighting." Erik said, sitting on the bed. "Do you need something?"

"I just came to invite you for the next table tennis match. Roman and Matze are about to finish theirs and I'm next. Are you up for a match?"

"Thank you but I'll pass. I'm getting ready to sleep."

"Jonas?"

"I'll have to pass too."

"Ok. Sorry for interrupting whatever was going on. Good night." With that Marco left.

"That was close." Jonas sighed relieved.

"I wouldn't be surprised if he starts asking us things to figure out what this was about." Erik rubbed his own back that was slightly painful after abruptly falling on the bed.

"Did I hurt you? I'm so sorry." Jonas sat beside him, resting his hand on Erik's shoulder. "I didn't have other alternative. It was that or Marco would have caught us."

"I know, don't worry. I just wasn't prepared for that. But it saved us from an awkward situation, so thanks."

"See, that's why we can't do anything here. We can be interrupted any minute. And even if we could, I wouldn't do anything. Because, technically, this is a work environment. It'd be disrespectful."

"I agree. I wouldn't want to do anything either. But you know, sometimes desire doesn't let us think straight. I can't wait to be back home."

"Making plans already?"

"No really. But you wanna meet tomorrow? To go out or something."

"I can't. I'll visit my parents, spend some time with them."

"Do they know? About what you've been through lately."

"No. I can't risk talking about something I'm not sure of. And I don't know if my parents will support me."

"Why do you think so?"

"I mean, everytime I visit them my mom makes a point on remind me of Hellene, my ex. To my mother it's the perfect love story. Two teenagers who met in school and fell in love. She wants to marry me off with her."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I had four amazing years with Hellene. But before I left for Mainz things were already kinda cooling down between us. Then Mainz made us drift apart and eventually we broke up in good terms. She's a great person and we remained good friends. In terms of relationship, it's over."

"Apparently not to your mother."

"My mother is just wishful." Jonas said. "She didn't like it when I told her we weren't together anymore. Now just because I spent my vacation with Ellie, as I like calling her, my mother thinks we can get back together."

"You spent your vacation with your ex girlfriend? You didn't mention that."

"There was no reason to. Like I said, we're good friends. Only my mother thinks differently. Add to that the fact that my family is pretty religious, so I'm not sure they would accept my bisexuality."

"Doesn't my Jesus' tattoo gives away that my family is very religious as well? But like my mom says, she wants me happy. And if I find my happiness in the arms of another man, they'll support me always."

"I envy your family. They look so supportive."

"I think my mother is fully on our side. My father doesn't know but I think it may take him time to accept it. And my sister, well, she could start connecting the dots, because she saw the hickeys you left me with."

"I'm not sorry about that. Not at all. In fact, I wouldn't mind giving you some more. Actually..." Jonas took a little time checking Erik out, from head to toe. "Hickeys aren't the only things I wanna give you."

"Jonas, don't talk to me like that unless you want to get laid."

"Who says I don't want to? I know we can't right now and that I'm supposed to be mad at you but that doesn't mean I don't want to."

"You better go back to your room before we loose it." Erik said and then whispered. "Honestly, I'm this close from pinning you down this mattress."

"Oh my..." Jonas groaned in frustration. "Don't promise something you can't do."

"I totally can. And I'd do it. But Roman should be coming back soon, though."

"Then I'll be going now. Good night."

"Night. See you." Erik said. Before leaving, Jonas managed to steal a quick kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I tried to include the emojis (the black and white, simple ones) on what Erik wrote but AO3 disappears with the following text.)
> 
> Hellene(or Ellie) is an OC. Hint: she won't be the only OC.
> 
> So... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated. It keeps me motivated and inspired.


	18. "Say my name"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The team travels to Austria but Erik can't go because of his injury. He watches as Jonas scores the winning goal and can't wait to be alone with him again. 
> 
> Warning: **Sexual content.**  
> (This content is purely fiction (as the whole story), with no intention to offend anyone).
> 
> This chapter was written to the song: "Spectrum" by Florence and the Machine feat. Calvin Harris. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it. (The boys surely did. =D ). Let me know your thoughts.

Chapter 18 - Say my name

When the training resumed on Monday, back in Dortmund, Erik was still feeling a discomfort on his knee. He trained apart from the team, trying to get his knee fully fit. The team would be heading to Austria on Wednesday for a Europe League playoff match and Erik didn't want to miss it. He knew it was a time in which Tuchel would be making his choices for the first team to play Bundesliga. It wasn't a moment to loose opportunities.

Unfortunately for him, this was an opportunity lost. On Wednesday morning, the medical staff decided to rule him out. His injury had been improving but it wasn't worth to risk it for this match.

After training in the gym on the morning he was free to go home. He was sitting on his car, still in the parking lot, hands on the steering wheel, lost in thoughts when Jonas showed up by his window, startling him slightly.

They hadn't talked much since coming back from Bad Ragaz. Erik decided to put some distance between them, to give Jonas time to forgive him. He would wait for Jonas to be ready to get things back to normal.

"Hey, where are you going?" Jonas asked.

"Home."

"Why? The flight to Austria is in less than two hours."

"I'm not going... Again." Erik leaned his forehead against the steering wheel. Disappointment taking over him.

"The knee is still bothering you?"

"Not as much as before but I still can't play. I already missed the match against Juventus and now I'm going to miss tomorrow's one. It sucks."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Jonas said. Erik rested one of his hands on his own thigh and Jonas reached inside the car to hold his hand "But don't get upset, like you said once, it won't help."

"Is this some sort of punishment for what I did? Because I already said I regreted it."

"This is not a punishment, Erik. Unfortunately injuiries are part of our job. You know that. Luckily, this isn't a bad one. You should be back soon."

"The injury itself isn't the problem. What disappoints me is loosing playing time."

"You'll have them, don't worry. Tuchel likes you, even though that doesn't guarantee playing time, it's better than nothing."

"So... The only thing I can do is wish you good luck." Erik said and let go of Jonas hand. "I'll be cheering for the team."

"I was really looking forward to our first trip together since I got back. At least the first one in which we're getting along. It's probably gonna be a little lonely there without you."

"Then I better make up for that when you get back, don't you think?"

"I'm definitely holding you to that."

"You know I keep my promises. I doubt you'll be actually alone there, Matze will be there with you. But if it ever feels lonely then you can always message me, ok?"

"Sure. What will you be doing around here?"

"I think I'll hang out with some old friends."

"Alright, see you when I get back."

"Good luck."

Erik ended up watching the match in a friend's house along some friends. It was weird for him watching Borussia play. After all, he should be with them.

He watched closely as Auba made a long pass ahead for a team mate. Marco got himself out of the play because he was offside. So Mkhitaryan received the pass and ran towards the goal. Knowing him, Erik thought he'd try to shoot to score. But then he noticed Jonas running unmarried on the other side. He immediately knew it. Jonas would score. And he wasn't wrong. Jonas received the ball and shot it to an almost empty goal.

Erik let out a loud and enthusiastic 'YES!', jumping off of his seat, with a bright smile on his face and with the fist closed he made a gesture like punching the air. His friends were just looking at him.

"What? He's my friend and I'm really happy for him."

Happy. He was more than happy. To a point where words couldn't explain. Erik knew the boy had a great future ahead of him. But he also knew how going through the loan made Jonas insecure about himself as a player. And now that he had the opportunity, the brunette was showing how he could be important, his commitment to the club, how he irradiated happiness for being back. Erik was truly proud of Jonas.

It'd been better to have scored more goals but in the end Jonas' goal gave them the win and the advantage for the next match. When it was over, Erik messaged Jonas. He knew it'd take time for the brunette to reply but he sent it anyway.

 _"Die Torschützer, die Spieler, mit nummer sieben Jonas....._  
_Bravo! Congrats, you're making us all proud. Can't wait for you to be back."_

Erik had just arrived home when he got Jonas’ reply.

 _"Hofmann!!!!_  
_Thanks. It was an important win and I'm happy to have helped reaching it. We should be back by 2am the latest. We'll only meet tomorrow but I really can't wait to be in your arms again. Bye."_

What??? Did Jonas just...? Erik had to reread Jonas sentence many times to be sure his mind wasn't playing tricks. It was late so maybe his mind wasn't processing Jonas’ words correctly. For a moment he thought Jonas may have had a beer before writing it but then he remembered the brunette didn't use to drink when traveling with the team. It felt a little weird at first to read words like that from him but somehow Erik ended up liking it.

They met again on the Friday afternoon's training. Erik congratulated him again, in a normal way this time because they were along their team mates. Erik trained individually, still working on his knee recovery meanwhile Jonas took part on the team training.

Erik and Jonas went out for dinner along Matze, Bürki and Julian. This time they managed to 'behave' and not be obvious as they were the last time they went out with other team mates. The five of then had a good time between talks. When they all finished Erik gave Bürki a ride to his place, the goalkeeper was still getting used to Dortmund. Erik was about to start driving home when he received a message.

 _From: Jonas_  
_Where are you?_

 _From: Erik_  
_I'm going home._

 _From: Jonas_  
_I just got in my place. If you want, you can come by. And believe me, you'll want to. =P_ _  
_

_From: Erik_  
_Ok. You convinced me. I'm on my way. =D_

 _From: Jonas_  
_The door is unlocked, come inside and lock it. I'm waiting for you._

Erik didn't need to be told twice. He rushed a little on his way to Jonas’ place, which luckily wasn't far from where he was. Once he was inside Jonas’ apartment, he locked the door as the brunette had asked him to.

Before Erik could call for him, Jonas came out of his bedroom, only on his briefs. Before Erik could say anything, Jonas, with a hoarse voice, spoke."

"Take off your clothes."

Erik was suprised by the sudden 'order'. Not that he had no idea what Jonas had in mind when he invited him. It was pretty obvious in his message what Jonas had planned. Still, to see such desire in the brunette's eyes and to hear it in his voice was incredible and arousing. It awoke his own desire.

Erik threw his shirt on the floor and was about to take off his belt but Jonas got to him first, slapping his hands away. Jonas crashed their lips in a needy and demanding kiss that Erik returned right away.

In between the kisses Erik felt Jonas slipping his hand in his jeans and underwear and wrapped it around his shaft. Erik bit Jonas’ lower lip when he first felt his touch.

Even having Jonas stroking his length, Erik never let go of his lips, savoring them, and at times, licking them. When he felt his jeans getting tight, Erik immediately got rid of it. Now they stood on their underwear, rubbing their growing erections together through their garments.

When they had to part for air, Erik took the chance and pushed Jonas against the wall. His hands holding the brunette's hips in place. Jonas raised his arms above his head as Erik started to explore his body with his lips and tongue.

Erik started by Jonas’ neck. Taking some time to feel the brunette's pulse. Jonas’ heartbeats were increasing and he smiled at that. The blonde then made his way down. Stopping by his chest, he kissed the area and used his tongue to play with Jonas’ nipple. Erik took some time playing with his nipples. The brunnette sucked in the air and tried to muffle his moans. Erik gave him a slap and when their eyes met, Jonas knew immediately that Erik didn't want him to conceal his moans.

When Erik traced a wet line, licking his way from Jonas’chest to his V line, the brunette couldn't hold his moan even if he had wanted to. Erik then kneeled in front of him. The blonde ran his hand from Jonas’ abdomen to the front of his boxers, squeezing his balls slightly and then massaging it. Jonas thought he could've come just by such stimulation.

Jonas breath got heavy and Erik decided to go ahead. He helped Jonas out of his underwear. The brunette was half hard already and Erik started giving him firm strokes. Jonas closed his eyes just to give in to the feeling of Erik pulling him close to his limit.

Erik enjoyed what he was doing to Jonas. But he still felt like Jonas deserved a more special attention. However, he couldn't find the courage to take Jonas’ length in his mouth. The brunette opened his eyes when Erik, suddenly, let go of his length. He could see Erik being hesitant.

"Come here." Jonas said as he held Erik's hands and helped him stand up on his feet. Once Erik stood in front of him, Jonas held his face between his hands. "If it makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to."

"But I want to. You deserve it. I want to fully pleasure you."

"I don't want to get pleasure out of someone's discomfort. I know this is new for you. And somehow it's new for me too. Just know that you don't have to do anything that gets you uncomfortable. This is not, in any way, supposed to feel uncomfortable. If you're uncomfortable, I'm uncomfortable and so this will suck."

"Doesn't it make you frustrated that I can't properly pleasure you?" Erik asked, a little insecure.

"Not at all. What you just did to me was amazing. But you know what? Who says a person can't get pleasure out of pleasuring the other? Let me show how pleased I feel by giving you pleasure. By making you come."

Jonas didn't expected for an answer. He kissed Erik once again to distract him and turned them around, pressing Erik against the wall and pressed their bodies together. They took turns in exploring each other's mouth for a while. When parted for air, Jonas’s ran his hand from Erik's shoulders, down his chest, stopping at the waistband of Erik's boxers. Before pulling it down, Jonas kneeled in front of Erik and started to give quick kisses on the blonde's inner thighs. Jonas felt Erik's thighs shaking a little the more he got closer to his cock.

Erik took a deep breath as Jonas pulled his boxers down, springing him free. Jonas didn't waste any second and started to stroke Erik's lengh with quick moves. Erik felt the pressure increasing on his lower parts as Jonas stroke him to full hardness.

Erik watched as Jonas slowly took him in his mouth. It was becoming too much for Erik to handle. He tried to hold into something but it was in vain because there was nothing on the wall. He could feel the warmth of Jonas’ breath around him. The brunette started to swirl his tongue around the head of his cock. It felt so good that Erik wouldn't be suprised if he suddenly blacked out.

Jonas gave him a piercing gaze and started bobbing his head on Erik's cock, taking him deeper in his mouth. The blonde felt weak on his knee, and he knew his cock had started to leak. Jonas ran his tongue on his slit tasting Erik's pre come.

When Jonas’ increased his pace, Erik felt his own body starting to contract itself. He just couldn't keep himself still any longer. Involuntarily, he thrusted foward. Jonas let his length pop out of his mouth.

"Don't thrust."

"Then stop it."

"That's what you want?"

"Do you want to take it futher this time?"

"For sure. If you want."

"Then we should take it to the bedroom. If you keep going like that then I might..." Erik was a little breathless. "I'm so close, I might come in your mouth."

"I don't see the problem here. What if that's what I want?"

"Not this time. I'm not even sure how I'm still standing. If I come right now, then our night is over. You choose."

" Let's take it to bed." Jonas stood up, took Erik's hand and pulled him to his bedroom.

Once there Erik pushed Jonas on the bed and lied down between Jonas’ spread legs. The blonde kissed his chin and claimed his lips next. The brunette grabbed Erik's ass pressing thier erections together, creating friction.

"There's lube and condoms in the nightstand." Jonas said.

"Ok. But you'll need to have a little patience with me." Erik took the needed items. While he opened the lube bottle Jonas noticed something.

"Why are your fingers trembling? Remember, if this makes you uncom..."

"I'm ok, Jonas. It's just that I've never done this before, not to a man at least. But I want to do it. I want to get you ready for me."

"Ok, take your time... But not too much, though."

Erik spread lube on his fingers and around Jonas’ hole. At first he felt insecure touching Jonas in such intimate part of his body. But when their eyes met, Erik could see Jonas trusted him. It was all it took for him to loose his insecurity and take control.

Jonas held his breath as Erik pushed in the first finger. The blonde pulled in and out slowly few times, feeling Jonas’ tightness. When Jonas seemed to feel more at ease with the intrusion, Erik pushed in the second finger, stretching him open. He took the opportunity to distract the brunette a little with a few kisses. When Erik noticed the two fingers weren't enough anymore, he pushed in the third, taking them deeper and eventually reaching Jonas’ spot. The brunette groaned as Erik took a little time to simply make a pleasant pressure on his spot. That took him dangerously closer to his limit, making him start to leak.

When Erik judged him wide enough for him, he pulled out his fingers, making Jonas whine at the loss. Erik reached for the condom. He stroke himself a couple times before putting the condom. He then nudged the head of his cock on Jonas’ hole. He looked once again at Jonas for assurance.

"I trust you, never doubt that. You don't have to go slow or hold yourself back. Do as you want and if it ever bothers me, I'll let you know. You won't hurt me, don't worry."

Erik took a deep breath as he slowly pushed in, breaching his way in. Jonas was dangerously tight around him. Erik gave the brunette time to get used to the intrusion. Jonas could feel Erik's lengh pulsing inside him. The brunette used his hands to pull Erik's face close to him, kissed him again and then moved his lips closer to Erik's ear only to whisper:

"Fuck me."

Erik immediately pulled out of him just to pull in again. He increased the speed of his thrusts at each move. They kept in a steady rhythm for a while, as their moans started to fill the room. Erik wrapped his hand around Jonas’ cock, stroking his already wet shaft.

When Erik felt Jonas clenching around him, he knew the brunette was close to his climax. Erik allowed himself to go harder on Jonas and since the brunette didn't seem bothered by that, Erik started to pound into him. The blonde used his hands to lift Jonas’ legs and place them around his hips, making him reach even deeper and thrust straight into Jonas’ spot.

Erik then altenared his thrusts. Between slow and fast and shallow and deep thrusts. Between pressing and poking at his spot. Erik smiled at Jonas’ surprised moans.

Jonas bit his lip at the continuous pounding against his spot. He wasn't able to hold back anymore, spiling the first drops of his pleasure. When he menaged to turn his attention to Erik's face again, he saw Erik's cheeks flushed by his straining and sweat dripping down his face. That arouse him to a point of no return.

"Oh God.... I can't...." Jonas said out of breath. Erik leaned down and pinned Jonas’s arms above his head.

"Say my name." Erik said looking straight into Jonas’s eyes, thrusting even harder into him. "Who is the one who's taking you higher than you've ever been? I want to hear you say MY name."

"Erik!!!" Jonas shouted as he came, shooting his load on Erik's six pack and chest.

Erik felt extremely satisfied by watching Jonas’ going through his height. He had a smuggling smile on his lip, feeling proud with himself. He gave a few more slow thrusts and pulled out, without having found his release yet.

"Wait!" Jonas said, stopping him from getting out of the bed. "You didn't come."

"You want me to finish now or do you still want to take me in your mouth so you can... You know..."

"Really? Give me!"

Erik stood up and rushed to the bathroom to get rid of the used condom, throwing it in the trash. Once he got back he sat on the edge of the bed. Jonas positioned himself between Erik's legs, kneeling on the floor.

Jonas stroke the base of Erik's length while taking him again in his mouth. Jonas knew Erik was in the blink of coming so he didn't waste any time. He bobbed his head up and down a couple times but then gave his full attention to Erik's tip. Playing with his tongue over it. Erik started to leak more pre come and then Jonas started to suck him slightly, pulling Erik to his ecstasy.

The pressure in his lower parts was too much and Erik couldn't stand what Jonas was doing to him, he fell back, lying on the bed as he came filling Jonas’s mouth with his load.

For a moment Jonas just admired the view. Erik was panting for air but still had a smile upon his face. Jonas couldn't resist it. He hovered over Erik body then lowered down capturing his lips. Erik kissed him back tasting himself on Jonas’s lips.

"What was that?" Erik asked when he could breath properly again.

"That was incredibly great."

"I'm totally spent. But we got to clean ourselves."

"Let's take a quick shower then."

Half an hour later they were clean and on their boxers, lying on Jonas bed.

"Do you mind if I ask for something?" Erik asked

"Go ahead."

"You still owe me that answer, remember? I let you get away then but not now. So I'll ask you again, Jonas, are you falling in love with me?"

"Why are you insisting on this? It doesn't make any difference."

"Jonas, it makes a huge difference."

Jonas knew Erik was right. But he wasn't ready to admit how he felt. Hell, he wasn't even sure himself on how he felt, then how could he possibly explain it to someone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated. They keep me motivated and inspired.


	19. "You and me"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bedtime talk between the boys that give us a little insight on Jonas’ reluctance to admit things.
> 
> Shorter chapter this time. Hope you enjoy it nonetheless. Let me know your thoughts.

Chapter 19 - You and me

"It's not easy, Erik."

"Jonas, things are never easy when there are emotions involved. And if it's easy, then it's not worthy."

"You wouldn't understand."

"Then try me. You can talk to me. I want to know how you feel. Is the 'friends with benefits' deal not being enough for you?"

"It's safe. And that's enough for me."

"Safe? How is that?"

"We can keep things under control. We have our time together, only you and I know what happens. And when we go outside that door, we're sure nothing is gonna happen. What we have is kept safe on the privacy of our places."

"Are you afraid that admitting your feelings will change that?"

"It's a sure thing. When you admit how you feel, you start letting it show. And it gets out of your control where and when that happens." Jonas said and reached for Erik's hand. "Look, I have no problem in letting it show how much I like you when we're alone. But out there? I'm not ready for that."

"Why? Are you..." Erik, suddenly, felt insecure. "Are you ashamed of what we have? Or of me?"

"No, no, no. Don't you think like that ever again, please. How could I ever feel ashamed of such a wonderful person that you are? How could I be ashamed of what we have if being with you is great? Sex with you is great, what we just did was amazing. But sex isn't the only great thing we have. Our friendship is great. Our talks are great, whenever we laugh together at something is great, when we support one another is great, playing football with you is great. There are many things we share or do together that are great. So I can only be thankful for having you in my life. It kinda hurts me when you even think I could ever feel ashamed of this."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean...."

"It's okay." Jonas said and reassured him with a kiss. "This is something new for both of us. I don't know you, but around eight months ago, I was happy with my ex girlfriend. And now I'm happy with my best friend and in a kind of 'relationship' with another man. It's a huge twist in someone's life. I'm not ready to get out of the safe zone. And neither are you. It has been only five months since I got you into this."

"Five months since I accepted to be into this. And I'm not asking you to come out of your safety zone. I'm not asking you to let people know what goes on between us. I'm asking you to tell me, only me, how you feel."

"That's the problem. How can I tell you something that I don't even know myself. I like you so much. I treasure what we're having, I know it's special and I know whatever this is, it's growing bigger with time. But don't ask me for a definition because I'm too confused to sort it out."

"That sounds a bit like falling in love to me."

"Again, I won't admit it. Not to you. Not to myself. That could mess things. What we have going on is great, why want to complicate it?"

"Or... It could make things even better."

"Could it? Let's suppose we admit whatever we're feeling. Then, inevitably, we can't help but show our affection towards the other out there. What if it happens when we're at work. It'd be like hell if it turned of public knowledge an ongoing affair between players."

"That happened before. Mario and Marco dealt with this."

"Erik, they were the stars of our team. Who would dare to take them off the team? As long as Borussia was going good and they did their jobs, people didn't mind whatever happened off pitch. Now, you and me, two players fighting for places on the regular team, we'd be punished for being a 'bad example'. They'd send us away before it could do any harm to the club."

"We don't have to worry about that right now. This will keep being our secret. I just want to make sure how things stand. We should let things clear to avoid any misjudgment. Like the one I did with the prank. You're taking this more seriously than I thought and I ended up hurting you. Had I known that you're emotionally involved, I wouldn't have tried to prank you like that."

"I think by now it's foolish trying to deny that we're getting involved. We both know it's happening."

"And you said it wouldn't happen. I warned you this could happen. Obviously, most people that get into a 'friends with benefits' deal don't fall in love, exactly because it's not supposed to. But not us, though. Since the beginning it felt different. We can't control these feelings. And at first I was afraid that it could mess things between us, just as I almost did. However, things between us are only getting better and I like that." Erik said. Then he traced Jonas’ lips with his thumb, kissing him afterwards. "What if I fall in love with you?"

"It'll be okay. You're worthy of my love."

"I'm okay with keeping it 'friends with benefits' for now and see where that take us. But Jonas, if you ever want more than that, don't you ever be afraid to tell me. Who knows I might want the same."

"Let's wait and see what happens." Jonas said and they stayed in silence for while.

"Jonas, you and me, we could be great together."

"We already are, Erik."

The answer Jonas gave him for his main question may have not been what he had expected but his last words simply overwhelmed him. Erik locked his lips with Jonas’ initiating a slow but heated kiss. Enjoying every single time their tongues touched.

When they parted, Erik opened his eyes only to find Jonas smiling to him. He smiled back at him and for a while they just looked at one an other as Jonas moved his hand to play with a few strands of his hair.

"About that message you sent me." Erik started. "Where you wrote that you couldn't wait to be in my arms again, what was that?"

"I was a little overjoyed by having scored the wining goal. I guess I let that slip."

"Was it really just a slip or did you actually mean it?"

"What if I did?"

"What are you waiting for? Come here." Erik said as he pulled Jonas closer to him. Jonas rested his head on Erik's chest as the blonde put his arms around him. "Is this what you wanted?"

"No, it's better. I can even listen to your heart beats. It's so peaceful."

"So... Does this mean that we're good again? That you're not mad at me anymore?"

"After everything we've done tonight you still have doubts? How could I not forgive you? You made a mistake but you admitted that and apologized. I accepted it. Do you think I'd rather hold grudges against you and loose chances of spending nights like this one with you? No way. Just don't ever do something like this ever again and we'll be okay. I know you meant it like a joke but you can't never know how a person will react to the possibility of somehow loosing/getting distanced from the person he/she loves. It was a little scary to be honest."

"I'm really sorry."

"Enough apologizing. Let's put it behind us and move on once for all. We're good, Erik,"

Erik kissed the top of Jonas’ head and held him in his arms as they fell asleep together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...? Comments and kudos are very appreciated. They keep me inspired and motivated.


	20. "Introducing..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter you get to meet a new character. She is an OC (original character) and she will play an important role in this story. Something tells me Jonas won't like her... Sh! Don't tell him. Lol.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it. Let me know your thoughts.
> 
> Oh... Thank you so much for almost 2000 hits and over 100 kudos. I really appreciate it.

Chapter 20 - Introducing...

Erik still couldn't play on the second leg match against Wolfberg. He went to the stadium to support the team. This time the match was relatively easier and they won by a good lead.

The next training session happened in the morning. Erik took part on the running training, which was a progress. His knee was feeling better and he was hoping to be able to play on the weekend match for the DFB Pokal.

Usually training would take place on the afternoon but for that day they had interviews scheduled to promote Bundesliga worldwide. Some players were called up for the task. Jonas, Erik and Matze would be doing midia day together for the press and TV channels from South and North America.

Almost an hour later the boys were almost done. The next interview would be the last. The staff were making the last adjustments with the cameras. Meanwhile Matze, Jonas and Erik were having a little chat. When the journalist that would be doing the interview got into the room, Erik stopped talking. Jonas noticed how he looked surprised at the woman.

"Sophia? What are you doing here?" Erik asked in English, standing up to greet her.

"I'm working. Just like you" She said smiling at him. She was brunette, had brown eyes, she was shorter than Jonas, and was dressed casually with jeans, a shirt and shoes.

"You never told me you were a journalist."

"Well, you never asked. Anyway, how are you doing?"

"I'm good. What about you?"

"I couldn't be better."

"I'm surprised to see you here. Why didn't you say you'll be here?"

"I didn't want to bother you, and even if I had let you know it, I didn't think you'd actually care. Besides, I had an interview scheduled but it was only a few minutes ago that we figured out who would be the players taking part on it."

"Of course I'd have cared, it's good to see you again." Erik said and hugged her. Jonas watched the scene confused, barely blinking. Before speaking, in German, Jonas cleared his throat, coughing.

"What is going on here? Won't you introduce your friend, Erik?"

"Oh, sorry." Erik said, still in English, letting go of the hug. "This is Sophia. We met in Munich. She is great."

"C'mon, I'm not all that."she said without looking away from Erik. "You're so sweet. I beat your ass off on video games and you still think I'm great."

"I beat you on FIFA."

"Only once. And you had the refree on your side. This Durm guy clearly fouled Robben inside the box and the refree left him get away with that. It should have been a draw. But anyway, I was faster than you on Forza Horizon and I lost count of how many times I put you down on Battlefield."

"Are you staying in Dortmund? Because I wanna revenge."

"You mean, you wanna loose again? I go back to Munich tomorrow, and I'll be probably busy tonight, but if you wanna meet later, maybe we can think of something." She said but before Erik could reply one of the staff members spoke.

"We're ready to roll."

"Alright, let's get the work done." Sophia said while Erik sat back where he had been previously. She sat on a chair in front of the three of them.

She introduced herself, said for which tv channel she worked and told them she'd be making her questions in English but that they could answer in German if they wanted to. Erik replied in English and Matze in German. Jonas could have replied in English but he didn't. He didn't like the way Sophia seemed to be all over Erik, so he decided not to make things easier for her.

Jonas was confused. Erik never mentioned meeting someone in Munich. And now, all of sudden, there's this woman being too friendly towards him. He watched closely as she interviewed Erik. It pissed him off that she had a smile on her face through all the time while Erik spoke.

When the interview was over Jonas and Matze left the room but Erik stayed behind to talk to her. Jonas wanted to stay behind as well but Matze pulled Jonas out of the room with him,

"You were staring at them." Matze said when he was sure they were alone and that no one would listen to them.

"No, I wasn't."

"You know, I don't want to get into whatever goes on between you two but you shouldn't take Erik for granted. You should make clear your intentions with him. Otherwise you may loose him when you less expect. Actually, it may be already happening. You saw the way she looked at him. One word and she'll be on her knees for him."

"Dont talk like that, please."

"It bothers you, doesn't it? Then maybe you should do something before it's too late. Before she gets him wrapped around her finger."

"Can we talk about something else?"

"Ok, but don't ever say I didn't warn you."

Luckily for Jonas, Erik was coming their way. Matze excused himself and walked away. As soon as Erik caught up with Jonas he realized the boy was troubled.

"She's just a friend, relax."

"Why did you never mentioned her?"

"Because it's nothing like you're probably imaging right now. We stayed on the same hotel in Munich and end up meeting. She's nice, that's all."

"Does she knows that it's nothing? Because it doesn't seem she does."

"Jonas, I'd appreciate if you'd trust in me instead of getting jealous."

"I'm not jealous. Besides, didn't you see that she was all 'heart eyes' over you?"

"She wasn't, really. And that's something I like about her. She sees me for who I am instead of checking me out all the time like many women tend to do which makes me uncomfortable."

"I trust you. What I don't trust is in her." Jonas said and Erik just rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, wanna go out tonight?"

"I can't. I'm meeting her later."

"Of course you are." Jonas said annoyed.

"Want to come along? I'm sure she won't mind and I bet you'll like her once you get to know her better."

"No, thank you."

Later that night Erik was standing in front of the door of Sophia's hotel room. They had agreed on meeting there because she'd be a bit busy to go out.

She greeted him with a smile and let him in, Sophia had her hair tied up and dressed in shorts and a sleeveless shirt. She sat cross-legged on the bed with the laptop on her lap. Erik sat on the chair by the desk. There were many snacks over it.

"If you want, you can grab some. I'm kinda living on these lately. The German food is a challenge for me. And I don't think I'll get used anytime soon."

"Never tried Bratwurst?"

"No. I'm definitely not trying it. Luckily I'm being saved from starving by Italian restaurants. So, I'm managing. But anyway, I didn't actually thought you'd show up."

"I wanted to see you again. However, it's a pitty that I still can't get my revenge."

"I'd love to beat you again but unfortunately I'm too busy for video games today."

"I understand. If I'm distracting you from what you have to do then I can leave if you want"

"It's okay. You can stay." She said, turning her attention to her laptop.

"I was just curious. When we met in Munich, you knew who I was, didn't you?"

"Yes, of course. Since my job is to cover Bundesliga, then obviously I was aware of who you are."

"Why didn't you say so?"

"Because I bet sometimes you might like to be seen as Erik, just Erik. Like just any other normal person. And not like Erik Durm, the footballer, the weltmeister like I bet happens most of the times. I don't know how you actually feel about it, but I'd think you might feel a bit distrustful when people approaches you because of what you do. So when you came talk to me, first I was surprised but I decided to treat you for who you are and not what you do. To show you that I see you like any other person."

"Thank you. I appreciate that."

"You're welcome."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm putting subtitles on the interview you, Jonas and Ginter gave me. Since you replied to me in English, which I'm thankful, I'm done with your part. Someone translated Ginter's interview to English and I'm about to finish subtitling it in another idiom. Now, with Jonas interview, it's a little weird. Because even the translator had some doubts with what he said."

"I can help you, if you want."

"Erik, this is my job, it's very serious. I can't get things done wrong. I can only accept your help if you promise me to translate everything exactly as he said. Can I trust you for that?"

"Sure, just trying to help. So you get to finish it faster and we can have a little time to talk, how is that?"

"Ok. What was wrong with Jonas, anyway? I mean, I've heard of him before and he seems to be a nice guy but today he was like tense, giving me weird glances."

"Don't mind it. He's a great guy. He was probably having a bad day. "Erik said. Obviously he couldn't and wouldn't say the real reason why.

Erik had met Sophia a couple of weeks ago and already liked her, in a friendly way. He usually found it hard to befriend with women. The ones he met usually would talk about shopping, complain about make up issues, and silly things like that. But not Sophia. He enjoyed talking to her about sports, football tactics, video games and some more stuff that most of women wouldn't care less.

In his view Jonas had no reason to be jealous because of her. Jealousy was something that Erik kind of hated. He wouldn't like having Jonas acting like that. He could only hope that Jonas would trust him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated.


	21. "Talks"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some talks here and there. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it.  
> Feedback is very appreciated. It gives me motivation to keep writing. So, please, let me know what you think of it. And thanks for all the views, kudos and support to this story. Keep it coming.

Chapter 21- Talks

If Jonas had to be honest to himself, he'd admit he didn't like at all the timing that Sophia showed up in Erik's life. He and Jonas were back to good, enjoying their time together but now he feared she could mess with what they had.

He knew that maybe he was worrying too soon but he couldn't help. Jonas knew Erik used to feel slightly uncomfortable towards woman but he could see how comfortable he was towards Sophia. It was dangerous. Maybe he could fall for her and if that ever happened he, Jonas, would end up being the looser in this. Because he couldn't commit to Erik and he couldn't give Erik the things the blonde wanted like a family with kids.

And for the first time he realized that what they had going on had an expiration date. That it'd eventually come to an end. Unless he had the courage to get into a commitment with another man. Which he didn't at the moment because he feared the consequences. He was well aware that an homossexual relationship wasn't totally accepted. Even though people have been more accepting along the last years, for others it was still unacceptable. And he feared being discriminated.

It wasn't fair. He had the right to love whoever he wanted, man or woman, without being judged for that. People should just mind their own business. But he knew it wasn't that simple. People would judge them. So, what better than to keep it going on only in their privacy, without nosy people. He had to admit that at some point Erik probably would want more and he wasn't sure if he could do it.

Jonas got a call from Hellene saying she would be in Dortmund for the weekend and he agreed on meeting her at the shopping mall on Saturday after his afternoon training. He had nothing better to do and he enjoyed spending time with her.

Since they had known each other for around eight years, dated for four, Jonas still liked her at lot. They always had a great time together. And this time it wasn't different. He was enjoying dinner with her.

They were midway through their dinner when Jonas noticed a woman, in her late 40's or earlier 50's, throwing glances at him often. It was probably a Borussia fan who recognized him, he thought.

Half an hour late he was proved right. He and Hellene were about to leave when the woman approached him politely and asked for a picture with him. He gently accepted her requested and Hellene took a picture of both. The woman thanked him but before leaving she looked at him once again. Jonas felt unsettled for a moment. There was something weird about the way she looked at him.

On Sunday the team traveled for DFB Pokal but Erik stayed behind. His knee was almost 100% recovered and his focus was on being ready for the first round of Bundesliga.

His mother let him know that she would be in town on the weekend and would be visiting him. Around 2pm she arrived at his place. Erik hugged her tight. It has been some time since the last time he saw her and he was very happy to have her visiting him.

"How are you doing, dear?" She asked once she got inside, ruffling his hair.

"Stop it, mom." He said as he fixed his hair. He didn't like when people messed with his hair, not even his mom. "I'm good."

"Jesus, how long has it been since last time you cleaned this place."

"Last week, I guess." He said as his mother looked at him incredulous. She was about to say something but he continued. "What? I don't have time to clean it often."

"Look at this fridge. There's pretty much nothing here. Are you even feeding healthy?"

"Mom, I don't have time for cooking either. I have lunch at the training ground and I usually go out for dinner."

"How are you even managing to live on your own? Maybe I should come spend a few days here with you,"

"I'm fine, mom. Really. I'm a grown up man, I can take care of myself."

"If you say so. But you'll always be my little boy to me." His mother said and they both sat on the couch. "Tell me how are things going? Is your knee better?"

"It's almost good again. I really can't wait for the new season. I have a good feeling about it."

"It's good to see you excited for that. Your father, Lisa and I will be at Signal Iduna Park for the first match."

"Really?"

"Sure. We wouldn't miss it for anything."

"I'm happy. It'll be nice to have you guys there."

"It'll be nice to be there cheering for you and Borussia... Oh, there's something you'll enjoy to see." She grabbed her cellphone and searched for a picture. "I was at the Dortmund shopping mall last night and guess who I met there?"

"I have no idea." He said, then his mother showed him the picture. "You... You met Jonas?"

"Exactly."

"Did you tell him you're my mother?"

"No, I didn't. He probably had no idea who I was."

"You have to send this picture to me. He won't believe it when I show him."

"I thought it'd be nice to take picture with him. But I didn't talk to him. I didn't want to bother him. He seemed to be enjoying some time with a young lady."

"Really?" Somehow it surprised and bothered Erik a bit. But he had a good guess who Jonas was with. "I bet it was Hellene, his ex girlfriend. Apparently they still go out sometimes."

"Weren't you and Jonas together, dating?"

"We're not dating. We enjoy some time together. It's nothing official. We agreed on a friends with benefits deal."

"Friends with benefits? Honestly, Erik? I taught you better than that. You shouldn't play with things like that. You'll end up hurting one another if you underestimate your feelings."

"I know." Erik said annoyed.

"Oh, that already happened, didn't it?"

"Yeah, but we're good again. We were only supposed to have fun together. Jonas said he wouldn't let himself get involved and I was afraid of falling in love with him."

"Let me make a real tough guess: you two fell in love."

"We're not that lost yet. But we're getting attached, starting to have feelings. He doesn't want to admit it, but I know. He doesn't want it to get serious. He fears being exposed. That what we have ends up going public. I agree with him. Friends with benefits is the way we can be together. This is how we can keep things under our control."

"You will restrain yourself from being happy with him because of what people will think? I know it might be complicated at the beginning but if you love each other, isn't it worth to face it together?"

"You don't understand."

"What is it?"

"We're public people. If this goes public, It'll be bad for us and for the club. Somehow we're considered as examples for many kids. Now, what would their parents think if they knew about us? We could and probably would be seen as bad examples."

"If it's to keep it in private then why don't you let it be? Why don't you let it get serious?"

"Like Jonas said, we'd end up letting it show in public. We don't want that." Erik said. He tried to find a way to explain their fears. "Remember when Bild published about Marco Reus not having a driving license?"

"Yes, it had a huge repercussion."

"Exactly. The press and the public went nuts over it. And all of that because of such silly thing as a driving license. Imagine how it'd be if they found out that two team mates are in a relationship. Hell would break loose."

"Are you happy?"

"Of course I wish it could be better but it's what we can have. I can honestly say that I'm happy. That he makes me happy."

"It's good to see you're happy. Just do the right thing, if you love him fight for your right to be happy with him. Yes, not everyone will accept it and it might be hard at first but what? You rather be unhappy just because of some intolerant people who don't mind their own business?"

"Well, we will wait and see where it goes. At the moment, Jonas is going through some jealousy."

"See, he's emotionally involved." His mother said. "But why? Is there something I don't know?"

"I met a new friend. Sophia. She is awesome. But he is worried without a reason to be."

"Do you like her?"

"As a friend, yes. I guess it'll take time for Jonas to understand that."

"Be careful, okay? I don't want to see you hurt. Or Jonas, because he seems to be a good person."

"I'll be."

"So, tell me more about your new friend, Sophia."

"Well, I met her in Munich..." and so Erik told his mother about his new friend.

The next time Erik met Jonas was Monday morning, before lunch. Erik had been through his last physiotherapy session and Jonas was the last to come back from team training, which made him stay behind and alone in the dressing room until Erik got there.

"Hey, how are you?" Erik asked when he saw Jonas. The brunette was only on his underwear about to put on clean clothes.

"Good. You?"

"Good, too. I wanted to show you something."

"What is it?" Jonas asked slightly intrigued as Erik smiled at something.

"Ok, do you remember taking this picture?" Erik showed him the picture on his cellphone. Jonas stared at it for a little while.

"This is that weird woman that asked me for a picture on the shopping mall. Looking better now, she seems familiar, like I saw her before but I can't remember."

"You think she's weird?"

"She kept throwing glances at me while I was having dinner with Hellene... Oh, I shouldn't have said that."

"It's okay, I already knew that you went out with Hellene. I know if you ever want to get back to her, you'll let me know first instead of doing it behind my back. I trust you. You can go out with her without having to hide it from me, don't worry."

"Ok. Anyway, I thought she was a fan but she kept looking at me weirdly. How do you have this picture in your phone?"

"Well, because this weird woman, as you say, could be, depending on how things unfold, your future mother-in-law."

"WHAT!?" Jonas had an horrified expression upon his face and Erik couldn't help but laugh. "This is your mother?"

"Yes, she said she saw you that night and couldn't resist taking a picture with you."

"Oh my God. What will she think of me? She knows about us and saw me with Hellene. If she takes the wrong conclusion she will think I'm fooling around with you. She will hate me."

"Relax, Jonas. She's on our side, she likes you. Although, she doesn't agree much with the kind of 'relationship' we have."

"You tell everything we've been through to you mother?"

"Obviously not in details but an overview. Because she supports and helps me. Do you want to meet her?"

"No way." Jonas said too fast. "I'm not prepared to meet your parents."

"What do you need to be prepared for?"

"I'm afraid your mom you tell me off saying how I 'corrupted' her son."

"But you haven't 'corrupted' me, per say... Yet. "Erik winked at Jonas. It took a moment till the brunette understood his insinuation.

"Erik! Oh my... I gotta... I need... Change clothes... " Jonas was visibility bewildered at the insinuation. Erik smiled amused.

"Seriously though, I'm sure you'll like her." Erik said. But before Jonas could say anything, Subotic came into de dressing room and they had to change subject.

Later that night Erik found himself thinking about the little insinuation he had made. Of allowing Jonas to take him one day. Through all these months they had been together he had never even considered this possibility. Now that he came across it, he was curious. Wondering how it'd feel like. Never in his life he had considered it. But now with Jonas it was different. Maybe one day he'd take he courage and talk to Jonas about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Thoughts? Comments are very appreciated. I love to read what you think of this story.


	22. "Welcome back Bundesliga"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's that time of the year that everybody loves... Bundesliga is back. Time for good football.
> 
> So, I wrote this chapter before the real Bundesliga started so the results are all fictional from now on
> 
> Hope you enjoy it. Let me know your thoughts. Feedback is appreciated.

Chapter 22 - Welcome back Bundesliga

The day that everyone had been waiting was finally here. It was match day for Borussia Dortmund for the first round of Bundesliga. They would be playing against Borussia M'Gladbach. Erik's knee was finally recovered and he had been able to be part of team training through the whole week before their first match.

When Erik arrived at the stadium he walked straight to the pitch. The players usually like to go and check the atmosphere building up and see the fans filling the grandstands.

Erik met Auba, Marcel and Bürki already there, greeted them and got involved in their chat. Five minutes later Jonas joined them. Eventually the two of them drifted away from the group and walked around the pitch. Jonas noticed Erik seemed to be looking around.

"Looking for someone?" The brunette asked.

"Sophia. She said she'd be covering the match along her staff. She's somewhere around here. I'll see if she wants to go out for dinner later."

"Erik, why do you need to rub it on my face?"

"To rub what?"

"That you're interested in her. If that's what you want, then why don't go for it?"

"Because, that's not what I want, Jonas." Erik said and wrapped his arm around the brunette's shoulder." Besides, I was going to invite you to come along."

"What for?"

"So you can meet her and see for yourself how she's is a nice friend and stop worring that I'd hook up with her."

"I'll think about it."

"Actually, she's not the only person I want to introduce you to tonight."

"What do you mean?"

"My parents are in the grandstands, probably watching us right now." Erik pointed for a couple in the first row near the benches, waving at them.

"What?" Jonas quickly pulled away from Erik's arm. "They shouldn't see us like that."

"Relax. We're not doing anything wrong. My mom is in the picture as you know and my father knows we're good friends, so there's nothing suspicious here."

"I'm just not used to the idea of meeting them knowing what I got you into."

"What I accepted to get into. Seriously, Jonas, you worry too much. They won't bite you. I'll meet them after the match, want to come with me?"

"Ok."

"Right. Let's go change, we have a match to win." Erik said and they headed to the dressing room to get ready to warm up.

Jonas and Erik started the match on the bench. The both watched as the team controlled the game at their favor. Around the 35th minute Auba scored assisted by Reus.

On the second half they were keeping the ball possession but didn't managed to explore their creativity. Around the 65th minute Tuchel put Jonas on to replace Mkhitaryan and Erik on Piszczek's place and they both would play on the right side. Gladbach started to press them, shooting at goal a few times but Bürki had it under control.

Around the 78th minute, after one of their shots Bürki threw the ball quickly to Erik, who saw Jonas running at full speed foward and made a precise pass on the right channel for the brunette who saw Marco getting inside the box and crossed the ball for him and Marco shot the ball powerfully at the back of the net.

They all ran towards Marco to congratulate him. Before going back to his position Erik gave a light slap on Jonas' butt congratulating him for the assist. Jonas smiled at him and tousled Erik's hair.

Full time. They won 2-0. Everyone was very happy with how they initiated the new Bundesliga season. They all greeted the fans. Jonas and Erik sat on the grass along a few players. Erik waited a few minutes for the crowd to disperse so he could go talk to his parents, taking Jonas with him.

"Hey, mom, dad." Erik greeted them. "As you know, this is Jonas Hofmann."

"Hi." Jonas said a little nervous. He shaked hands with Erik's father. When he looked to Erik's mother, she simply hugged him for his surprise.

"It's so good to finally meet you, dear. Erik always speaks nicely of you."

"And that play you two built together for Reus' goal was impressive. Good stuff there." Erik's father said.

"Working isn't the only good thing they do together." Erik's mother whispered amused to her husband.

"Mom!" Erik couldn't believe she was saying it in front of his dad.  
"It's okay, son. I know about you two." His father spoke, making Jonas' completely terrified.

"Dad, I...."

"Your mother let that slip but don't blame her. Erik, honestly, I never expected this. I was shocked at first, didn't want to believe it but... " His father made a pause before continuing. "You mother said you're the happiest she has ever seen you. So, if this makes you happy, then I respect your choice. Jonas, I hear you're a nice person and if you're making our son happy, we gladly welcome you to the family."

"See, it wasn't that bad" Erik said grinning at Jonas. "He was afraid you two would react badly."

"Erik, they didn't need to know this." Jonas said. He turned his attention to Erik's parents. "If you don't mind, I need to go. I still have to go through the press zone." Erik's parents nodded. "It was nice to meet you. See you in the dressing room, Erik."

"What is up with him?" His mother asked once Jonas walked away.

"His family doesn't know about us. And he fears their reaction. I guess that's why he also feared yours."

"Tell him that if he ever wants to talk about it, he can talk to me. I'll try to help him somehow." His mother said.

"Thank you, mom! So, I'll go out for dinner with Jonas later, you two want to join us?"

"We'd love to but we can't. We'll flight to Mainz in about an hour." His father said.

"Have fun." His mother winked at him.

"It was nice to see you two here. Now, I gotta go take a shower and get changed. See you." Erik kissed his mother's cheek, patted his father's shoulder and headed to the dressing.

On the way there we walked through the press zone and watched amused as Jonas was giving an interview to Sophia. Jonas seemed a little anxious and to be avoiding eye contact. When the interview was over he walked to them.

"Hey, is it everything okay here?"

"Sure, Jonas just gave me a good interview. Thank you."

"You're welcome. " Jonas said.

"Are you free for the night?" Erik asked her.

"As soon as I'm done here, yes. Why?"

"I was wondering if you want to go out for dinner. With me and Jonas."

"I'm okay with that. Are you okay with that, Jonas?"

"Yes, why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know, you tell me."

"Nothing to tell."

"Okay, call me when when you're ready." Erik said before things could get weird between Jonas and Sophia.

"I'd love you, though, if you could pick me up at my hotel. Dortmund is strange to me. I'm more used to Munich."

"Sure."

One hour later the three of them were at the restaurant. They settled for a pizza and drinks. Erik had been looking to try making Jonas get along with Sophia. He could only hope this would help.

Through the dinner Jonas could see that Erik was right that she was a nice person. Smart, fun to be around, who loved sports. The three of them were having a fun talk. But Jonas kept an eye on how Erik and Sophia interacted. He realized Erik was telling the truth when he said he only saw her as a friend. But Jonas also saw a few suspicious stares and smiles from Sophia towards Erik. Only Erik didn't seem to notice it. Jonas was willing to get along with her as long as she would keep her hands off of Erik.

Their next match was against Ingolstadt. Technically, an easy match. However they couldn't take anything for granted. After all, they didn't want to make the same mistakes they did last season. Good thing, they reassured a good win. 6-0. Jonas got in the score sheet and Erik gave two assists, for Gundogän and Reus.

The next two matches were against Hertha and Hannover. They managed to keep the good phase Things were going as they planned. They won 3x0 against Hertha and 3x1 against Hannover. Erik stayed on the bench in both matches and Jonas subbed in midway the second half in both.

For the next match Jonas and Erik were in the starting XI. It was a home match against Bayer Leverkusen. Up to now, the most tough opponent they would face. They expected a complicated match. And that's exactly what happened. Leverkusen were closing in at every chance they had. The team was having a hard time trying to pass through the opponent's defense. Auba managed to open the score but it didn't take long for Bellarabi to equalize the match.

On the second half Dortmund managed to have more chances shooting at goal. It hit the post twice and Bernd Leno seemed to not be willing to conceal again. He was having a great match.

On the 88th minutes Dortmund had another chance. Probably the last one on that match. Jonas received the ball on the right from Kampl and ran to the left heading to the middle of the box getting past the defenders. He shot powerfully at the goal but Leno flung himself to his right to palm the ball away. The ball went back to outside the area, and Erik, who was in the way, tried a volley, hitting the ball still in the air, sending it straight to the back of the net.

It was such an fantastic goal that Erik couldn't believe what he had done. He was kind of stuck on the same place when all the team mates came to congratulate him, even Bürki. Jonas stayed for last. The brunette hugged him tightly saying that his goal was simply brilliant.

Three minutes later the match was over. Erik goal not only granted the win but also the first place on the table since Bayer had drawn their match. It was their 5th win in a row, they were 100%.

Erik had to go through some interviews in the press zone. He even talked to Sophia there and as much as he enjoyed talking to her, he really couldn't wait to get home. He could imagine what would be happening later.

And he wasn't disappointed. Jonas came to his place and now they we're lying lazily on the couch. Erik on top of Jonas. They were too tired for something more demanding, so they just settled for a little make out, enjoying some kisses between some silly talks untill they both fell asleep.

The next game, against Hoffenhein, didn't go as they'd have wanted. Hummels had opened the score with a header from a corner. But they ended up conceding the draw near the end of the match, so there wasn't much they could do. Full time: 1-1.

Against Darmstadt, at Signal Iduna, they won again. 5-0. Jonas scored twice as Erik watched proudly from the bench. When the match was over Erik walked on the pitch and hugged him. Some minutes later, they were heading into dressing room when, midway there, Erik pulled Jonas into an empty room, taking opportunity when nobody was around.

Erik kicked the door shut behind them. He held Jonas’s face firmly between his hands and crashed their lips together. Jonas kissed him back hesitantly, at first.

"Erik, are you mad? We can't... " It was all the brunette could say when he managed to escape Erik's hungry lips.

"About you... Yes.... I'm... totally mad... about you." Erik replied between kisses. After a few more kisses he stopped and looked straight in Jonas' eyes. "You amaze me."

How was Jonas supposed to resist to that? Exactly, he wasn't. He pushed Erik against the wall and buried his tongue on the sweet cavern of the blonde's mouth. They were so lost into their needy kiss that it startled them when the door was opened but they didn't had time to react.

"Oops.... Wrong room, I guess." A very amused Marco said, not looking surprised at all. "My bad."

"Marco, you know this stadium upside down." Erik said before the man could leave the room. "You didn't just happen to get into a the wrong room, did you?"

"I may or may not have, who knows?" Marco said with his all known lopsided smile.

"That day in Bad Ragaz, I thought something was off about you two. I see I was terribly wrong."

"Just don't tell anyone, please. "Jonas asked.

"What are you even talking about? I didn't see anything." Marco winked at them. "But be careful, alright? Trust me, you don't want the wrong people to find out about this."

"Is that what happened between you and Mario?" Erik asked without thinking twice. That earned him a slight elbow to the ribs from Jonas.

"I rather not talk about this."

"I'm sorry."

"C'mon, let's head to the dressing room." Marco said. When the boys reached him, Marco stood between them putting his arms around their shoulder and they made their way to join their team mates.

That was close. It could have been worse had that been another person that catched them. They made a mental note to keep it at home... If they could actually resist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated. It gives me motivation and inspiration to keep writing.


	23. "Bounce back"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A crazy Bayern-Borussia match.
> 
> I had fun writing this. Wouldn't mind if something like this happened in a real match lol. Although I'd be divided between both teams, because I like them both.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it. Let me know your thoughts.

Chapter 23 - Bounce back

October had arrived and it'd start at full pace. They'd be facing Bayern right away. And right after that Löw would be announcing the squad for the two following Germany matches for the Euro qualifying.

After the last disastrous season, in which they didn't manage to win over Bayern, they were decided to leave Munich with a win. Yes, Dortmund kicked them out of the Pokal but only after going through the penalties. They couldn't grab the win in its 90 minutes. So the only thing they were interested in was the win. And the fact that until up to now they were unbeaten gave them good hopes. Still, they were pretty aware that it was a complicated match that they needed to be careful.

As Erik walked on the pitch of Allianz Arena he couldn't help but to look around and think that if things had gone differently then right now he'd be on the other side, wearing red, facing his friends, facing Jonas. The boy, that was by his side, seemed to notice his distant look.

"What is it?"

"Nothing. I'm just wondering how things would be if I had taken different decisions."

"I'm glad you haven't" Jonas said already knowing what it was about without needing to ask.

"Me too. It's just... To think about the opportunity that I dismissed and to know that many players would give anything to have it. I don't regret it, though."

"Then why are you thinking about it? Focus on the match, Erik."

"Nevermind."

Tuchel put both of them on the starting XI, playing on the left side. They expected the first ten minutes to go on without much happening. With both teams trying to understand the dynamics of the match. However, they ended up misjudging the situation.

Bayern started the game pressuring Borussia's defence. It took only 8 minutes for them to break through it. Douglas Costa gave a precise pass to Lewandowski who shot straight to the back of the net.

The match had barely began and they were already behind on the score. That brought back memories of last season. But they were determinated not to loose control of the match and level up the score, as soon as possible.

However, they were still having issues defending. And it became a nightmare for Erik. Around the 23rd minute, Lahm made a cross into de area and Erik, in an attempt to block it, ended up sending it in the goal direction, misleading Bürki. Erik watched terrified the ball stopping at the back of the net.

He had scored an own goal. Oh, the irony, giving the recents events. Erik cursed at it as he sat on the pitch feeling devastated. Hummels immediately pulled him up, trying to comfort him. Subotic and Bürki did the same. Even Lahm came to him and patted his shoulder.

Erik walked back to his position and Jonas headed in his direction. The brunette put his hand on his shoulder, squeezing it slightly.

"It's okay. We will turn this around. We can do it. You can overcome this. But don't let yourself down. Keep focused, forget about anything else. We need you, alright?"

He nodded and Jonas returned to his position. His words comforted Erik but he still felt like an idiot. He would try to do a decent job at least but he wouldn't be surprised if Tuchel decided to sub him off in the next minutes.

For the next minutes Borussia was able to maintain ball possession for most of the time. Finally getting chances to shoot at the goal. One of Reus' shots hit the post. They had other chances but Neuer was being... Neuer.

When they seemed so close to score things went downwards again. By the 37th minute Lahm intercepted Gundogän and made a fast transition to the attack, passing the ball to Götze who ran towards the goal. He would have a clear shot soon and Subotic was left with no option but to stop him somehow.

And that 'somehow' ended up being by fouling Götze inside the box. The Serbian earned a yellow and Bayern had a penalty at their favor. Things were going from bad to worse. Erik just wanted this match to be over.

Müller would be the one taking the penalty kick. Erik knew he was very good at that, having shared a house with him in Campo Bahia, training almost everyday together for almost 2 months. If he converted it, Borussia's chances of turning things around would be reduced to 0.

Erik looked at Bürki. The goalkeeper watched Müller closely, barely blinking. If they still want to try something in this match, Bürki was their last hope. The only thing Erik could do was to pray. He knew Bürki could do it.

Once Müller started to run towards the ball Erik closed his eyes, half prepared to hear the crowd's roar. When he didn't hear it he ran towards Bürki, the whole team did. Roman had made the save.

The whole team had reunited quickly to congratulate Bürki. Erik heard Mats shouting at the team:

"We will not go down without a fight! C'mon guys! We can do it."

When they reached halftime the match was still 2-0 for Bayern. Erik kept his head down all the way to the locker room. Eventually getting a few sympathetic words from some team mates. Once there, Tuchel started to explain the plans for the second half.

Once Tuchel finished his speech Jonas walked to where Erik was, leaning his forehead against Erik's. Not caring about the fact that the whole team was in the locker room and could see them. And even seeing them like this, no one dared to interrupt them. They simply gave them space.

"Look, I know you must be feeling bad right now. Anyone would be. But you know, you had complete faith on me that I could bounce back from my injuries. Now, I have complete faith that you can turn the tables at your favor. I believe you can still make a huge difference in this match. And so does Tuchel, you made a mistake and he could've replaced you but he didn't. He counts on you. Like you said, being upset over something you can't change is waste of time. So, get you head high and show everyone here that you can bounce back. I have 100% faith on you. Remember our promise, to take Borussia back to the top. We can make the difference. Now, we need it more than ever. We need YOU more than ever. But I can't do my part without your help. We can do this. I'm not saying it just because I like you but because it's the truth. You just need to want this to happen. You need to believe in yourself. We have to win this. I'm not going home with another defeat to Bayern. I believe in you."

Erik felt a wave of affection for Jonas ran through his body. His words made his mood change completely. He was feeling encouraged and confident. Yes, he had made a mistake, but he still had time to make up for that. And that's what he was going to do.

Their foreheads were still pressed together, their eyes locked. Erik wanted to kiss him so bad in that moment but he couldn't. He pulled Jonas into a tight hug.

"From the bottom of my heart, thank you!" It was all Erik could say with his trembling voice. Jonas pulled away from the hug and gave Erik a loving smile.

"C'mon, guys! We have a win to conquer. We're not leaving this stadium without it. Do you understand? And I don't take a no as an answer." Mats said to the whole group and lead them back to the pitch.

And so the second half begun along with their almost impossible mission that was getting their score on their favor in 45 minutes against Bayern at their home.

Borussia got a hold of controlling the game since the start. Around the 55th minute Jonas was knocked down near the box, hit by an elbow to the side of his face given by Boateng. Erik watched this from a few steps behind.

Jonas fell on the ground, in pain. But he still managed to see Erik running to face Boateng. The blonde was having it out on the Bayern's defender.

It was very rare for Erik to argue with another player. But he saw how Jonas was hit, it was a bit maliciously. Even knowing Boateng was a good person, he couldn't help but to go on Jonas’s defence and argue with Boateng. The Bayern player stood still and Marco and Mats had to pull Erik away from him. Boateng was booked for the foul. Erik didn't need an unnecessary yellow card for bad behavior.

As Jonas was walking outside the pitch, for medical treatment, Erik ran to check on him. Once he knew Jonas was okay, he went back to his position.

Now they had a free kick. Marco was in place to do it. It'd be very important if they could convert the chance this early on the second half. Marco shot it perfectly into the back of the net, Neuer couldn't do anything this time.

This made Bayern get anxious and nervous. Making silly mistakes and getting simple passes wrong. Borussia noticed the opponent was going through weak moment and took their chances.

Around the 65th minute Tuchel took Subotic off, with back pain after a fall, and put Matze in. 2 minutes later through a quick play between Erik, Matze and Jonas, they scored their second goal, making it 2-2. Jonas scored with Matze's assist.

They did it. They equalized the score. They celebrated a lot but soon went back to their positions, after all, their mission wasn't completed yet. They needed one more but still had to be careful not to concede again.

Gardiola then put Robben on. In an attempt to give some offensive strength to his team. Erik was responsible to stop him. And he was determined not to fail this time. Around the 73rd minute Robben shot at the goal, the ball was almost crossing the line when Erik managed to intercept it and kick it far away.

Bürki greeted him and Erik felt he had redeemed himself with that interception. This boosted his confidence and he assumed a more offensive role, supporting Jonas.

When they reached the 80th minute, Erik saw Jonas trying to get rid of Benatia. Then it happened fast. Erik looked at Jonas eyes and as if he could read the brunette's mind, he knew what to do. He made a long cross, puting the ball ahead of Jonas, giving him time to dribble and mislead Benatia, and the boy end up face to face with Neuer. And Jonas didn't miss it. The ball rested in the back of the net.

Jonas started to run and punched the air, his usual gesture to celebrate. The whole team embraced him. Erik stayed for last and hugged Jonas tightly, lifting him off of the ground. Before letting him go Erik, discreetly, kissed Jonas’ neck.

After fighting back hard they were leading the score 3-2. They only had to resist for 10 more minutes and the additional time. Bayern started to create chances again.

At the 88th minute, Vidal shot dangerously at the goal and Bürki made an amazing save. He didn't wast time and put the ball in game again, in a counterattack. Weigl ran forward to the midfield and found Erik on the run through the left channel. Erik received the pass and left Rafinha behind him, reaching the box. He wanted to shoot but knew Neuer would probably save it. Then he made a short pass to Jonas who put a well placed shot past Neuer.

Jonas couldn't believe it. He had scored a hat-trick. The whole team ran to where he was but the only thing he saw was Erik, with a bright smile upon his face, running towards him. Jonas ran and jumped into his lap. Erik wrapped his arms around him as Jonas had his legs around his waist and his arms around his neck.

"We did it. We fucking did it!" Jonas shouted overjoyed. "I knew we could do it."

"You just scored a hat-trick past Neuer." Erik shouted back, looking up at Jonas' face as the brunette, still in his lap, looked down at him. Their faces were so close. "That's just brilliant."

Jonas got down from Erik's lap and was congratulated by the others team mates. Auba and Marco flicked his ears. Erik put his arm around Jonas’ shoulder as they walked back to their positions. Seeing that there wasn't anybody that could hear them nearby, Erik whispered on his ear.

"I'm so gonna fuck you when we get home." He said and gave a few steps ahead of the brunette.

Jonas looked at him stunned and surprised by Erik's words. He saw the blonde with a naughty smile at him. Jonas closed his eyes, trying to shake the image out of his mind. He couldn't loose control right there.

Four minutes later the match was over. The whole team celebrated together like if they had just won a championship. After a match like that, they deserved it. They headed towards the Dortmund fans and greeted them.

They extended their celebration to the locker room. Tuchel was simply very enthusiastic, amazed and proud of what his team archived that night. He approached every player to let them know it. Tuchel called Jonas and Erik aside for a little talk.

"Jonas, I appreciate what you did for Erik in the halftime. You two see how important it was that I called you out in Bad Ragaz for whatever issue you had going on? The harmony you two have is something that I like very much and I always knew it could play an important part on this team. You just proved it tonight. It was outstanding."

"We just did our job. And for Erik, I did what any friend would do. He needed to see that no matter what, people still believed on him." Jonas said with humbleness.

"Erik, I'm very proud of you. Your reaction in the second half was impressive. The strength you gathered to turn things around is something we don't see often. You should be proud of yourself and I'm very proud of both of you. Congrats." Tuchel said. The boys thanked them and the coach walked away.

The team extended their celebrations to the hotel they were staying. Everyone were super excited to just go back to their room and go to sleep.

It was around 1am when Jonas and Erik finally reached their shared room. After brushing his teeth, Erik found Jonas changing into comfortable clothes to sleep. He walked closer to the brunette and held his hand.

"What you did for me today, it meant a lot to me. You helped me find strength that I never knew I had. Maybe a 'thank you' isn't enough to explain how grateful I'm right now. But... Thank you."

"You don't need to thank me, Erik. It wasn't anything extraordinary. I just wanted to help you because I saw you needed it. You needed to know that someone trusts you even when you're having a bad time. I'll always support and stand by the people I love. It wouldn't be different with you."

"Maybe it wasn't extraordinary for you, but it was for me."

Erik hugged Jonas and held the boy in his arms for some time. Feeling the brunette's breath tickling his skin. Jonas arms were around his waist. Erik felt so comfortable that he wouldn't mind staying like this for longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated.


	24. "Closer"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erik had promised something to Jonas during that crazy match against Bayern. Now it's time for him to keep his word.
> 
> Warning: Sexual content.  
> (Again this is fiction, for fun and with no intention of offending anyone.)
> 
> For this chapter I listened to "Sex on fire" to write it
> 
> Hope you like it. Let me know your thoughts.  
> Feedback is highly appreciated and welcomed.

Chapter 24 - Closer

The team went back to Dortmund in the next day, in a Sunday morning. They had the day off. Jonas and Erik went separated ways because they had stuff to do on their own. But agreed on meeting at night at Erik's place.

They had dinner together, talking about all their memories of the previous night's match. There had been such turn of events that was quite hard to believe. It was one of the best matches Erik had been part of. And the best was to know they had defeat Bayern on their home. Finally. The last time that had happened was in the 2013/14 season, before Jonas had joined Mainz. And better yet: now they were leading Bundesliga 3 points ahead of Bayern.

Talking about Jonas, the boy was still impressed and amazed with his own hat-trick. The press had filled him with praises. Jonas even smiled when Erik showed him what Sophia had written about him.

_'It's a joy to watch Jonas Hofmann play. His commitment and dedication to the club is something you don't see often. His happiness for being back in Dortmund is radiant. No to mention his hat-trick. No one has ever archived to score 3 times against Neuer. He's showing he deserves a regular place on the starting XI for those who still doubts his talent. With players like him Borussia has a bright future ahead of them._

_From his 3 goals, Jonas was assisted twice by Erik Durm. The harmony and understanding they seem to have is something to keep an eye at. It can help the team, a lot.'_

"I think now you can start liking her." Erik joked.

"I'll think about that." Jonas joked back. "But it was really nice of her to write this."

After dinner they decided to play FIFA. Erik had won the first match. And Jonas had promised revenge. He scored first on the second match and lead the score for a good amout of time but then Erik equalized and a few minutes later he scored again. Jonas didn't like loosing, not even in video game. He started to get annoyed as time went by and he wasn't being able to equalize the score.

The match would end in about minutes and Jonas realized he would end up loosing, again. He got frustrated and pushed Erik slightly. Erik took his attention off of the game and looked at Jonas. Erik pushed him back. Suddenly they got in a little silly fight.

Erik then escaped Jonas’ arms and ran away from him. The brunette ran after him. The video game was long forgotten. Erik played hard to get. Running around the apartment, escaping Jonas’ reach.

When Erik ran to his bedroom Jonas finally managed to tackle him down on his bed, straddling his hips afterwards.

"I really hate loosing." Jonas slightly out of breath. "But it seems I'm winning now."

"Are you sure of it? Because I don't give up easily." Erik said. He gathered all the strength he could and rolled them over, almost making them fall off of the bed. They both laughed as now Erik had Jonas under his control. "Well, I don't like loosing either."

"I think you promised me something when I scored my third goal. Have you forgotten that?"

"Absolutely not. How could I?" Erik then kissed him teasingly.

"I guess I get to choose how. After what I did, I totally deserve it, don't you think?"

"What do you have in mind?"

"I never forgot about your suggestion of taking me against the door. I think now it's a good time to do it."

"I'm not doing this."

"Why not?"

"Because that would end up being a quickie."

"And what is the problem?"

"I don't do quickies."

"Ok, how about this. We start it the way you want and finish it my way."

"That sounds better than a quickie."

Jonas immediately pulled Erik in for a kiss. For the first time Jonas gave in into the kiss and stopped refraining himself from letting his feelings show. Even if he didn't want to admit it, he knew Erik suspected it. So, what was the point on keeping hiding it?

When their lips met Erik knew right away that it was a different kiss. Even knowing they weren't in the middle of something romantic, their kiss was slow, gentle and tender. When both appreciated every time their tongues met, every time their lips broke apart only to connect again seconds later, every time they broke the kiss only to look in each other's eyes and to find unconditional desire there.

And they gave in to that desire. They lost track of time between spicy and innocent kisses. Enjoying each other's touches, the teasing words, their panting breaths, the sounds and reactions they managed to get from one another, how their bodies reacted to the friction.

Erik took his time preparing Jonas, distracting him with kisses and strokes on his length. Once Erik judged him ready, he teased the brunette's hole with the head of his cock. Jonas groaned feeling Erik's cock touching him there without the condom barrier. Erik teased him some more before eventually putting the condom on.

Usually Erik would feel little insecure to go ahead. But not this time. By now he was used with the level of intimacy that he and Jonas had built and this time he didn't need any reassurances from the brunnette. He was confident of what he wanted to do and that he wouldn't let Jonas disappointed.

Jonas put his hands on Erik's hips as the blonde pushed into him. Erik leaned down to kiss Jonas’ neck as he gave him time to get used to having his walls being stretched.

When Erik felt Jonas hands going from his hips to grab his ass he flinched at first but understood that Jonas wanted him to get going with it. And so that's what he did.

He started to thrust into him in a slow pace, appreciating the feeling of having their bodies connected. Erik then kissed Jonas in time with his thrusts.

After spending some time with a slow make out and slow thrusts, Erik started increasing the pace and strength of his thrusts, making Jonas moan more often and not being able to hold back his own moans.

Erik then got a grip of Jonas’ hips and pulled him to meet up with his thrusts, changing the angle, eventually hitting Jonas’ spot. That made the brunette whimper and start to leak pre come.

Jonas was feeling himself approaching his climax. Even more dangerously when Erik started to stroke his length in time with his thrusts. Jonas then decided to take control, surprising the blonde, rolling them over.

Jonas leaned down kissing Erik again. Following, he took his time licking Erik's nipples, playing with them. Up next, he put his hands behind him, on Erik's tights, to support his weight as he began rolling his hips. Eventually he started to ride him, placing his hands on Erik's chest to support himself. Soon they were running out of breath.

It wasn't long until Erik lifted his upper body, sitting on the bed with Jonas still on his lap. The brunette looked him, about to ask something when Erik, using his strength, simply stood up, holding Jonas on his lap, without pulling out of him. Jonas, understanding what Erik had in mind, crossed his legs around his hips and his arms around his neck.

Erik kicked his bedroom door closed, pressing Jonas’ back against it. Erik put his hands on the door to support his and Jonas’ weights.

"You better enjoy it because I won't last long."

"Neither will I. So stop talking and do it."

No need to say twice. Erik didn't waste time and moved his hips back and forth, in hard thrusts, continously slamming into Jonas. The brunette ran his hands through Erik's hair trying to distract himself and make his climax last longer. But Erik's was going rough on him, slamming him against the door and that aroused him even more. He was becoming a mess of groans, moans and whimpers with Erik hitting straight on his spot again and again and again... Erik himself couldn't hold back his own moans, either. Jonas dropped his head and bit slightly the blonde's shoulder as he came finally releasing the pressure on his lowers part.

Three more rough thrusts and Erik followed Jonas filling the condom. With some difficulty he gave a few steps behind and fell on the bed with Jonas still on his lap. They were both too spent to do or say anything so they just kept lying on top of each other.

Once they caught their breaths Erik pulled out of Jonas and brunnette straddled his hips again. When their eyes met Erik covered his own mouth with his hand while he had an incredulous expression upon his face.

"What is it?" Jonas asked curious.

"I lost control. I went rough on you."

"Erik, I loved it, ok?" Jonas caressed his cheek and kissed him. "As I told you before, I'd stop you if anything you did bothered or hurt me. It's never the case here. I love everything you do to me. Don't ever doubt that."

"Oh, I don't doubt. This sticky mess you left over my belly leaves me with no doubts on how much you liked it. It's just that I've never done it this rough, so I may have lost a bit of control there."

"Then I wouldn't mind you loosing control more often. I told you the idea of doing it against the door was good. Wasn't it?"

"Yeah. If you don't count that we're practically dead tired."

"But it was damn worthy, though." Jonas said standing up and pulling Erik with him.

"Let's get this mess cleaned. Shower time."

They got a little distracted through the shower for not being able to keep their hands off of one another. They helped each other washing. And at some point got caught up in a little make out under the shower.

Once their were done, they got ready to sleep, together as it was becoming a little usual lately. They had been lying for a little while, in silence. It was eventually broken by Jonas.

"I'm gonna miss you." The brunette whispered and Erik turned to face him.

"What are you talking about?"

"You'll be away with the National Team."

"Actually, Löw haven't announced the squad yet."

"As if you didn't know. It's obvious you'll be called up."

"It'll be only for a week."

"Too much time in my opinion."

"Don't worry, I'll come back running to you, baby." Erik said and kissed him. As Jonas didn't kiss him back he broke the kiss only to find Jonas looking at him confused. "What?"

"Did you just called me..."

"What are you..." Erik then remembered the last words he had previously said. "Oh, my God, I did it. I let that slip, it's my bad."

"It's okay. I like it, I'm just not used to be called that. But I guess it was only matter of time till that'd eventually happen. After seven months it's natural that we get each time closer."

"Since we are talking about getting closer, this is letting us feel more at easy around the other, trusting more in each other. So, lately I've been wondering about something."

"What is it?"

"Jonas, may I ask you something serious?"

"Go ahead"

"Don't you ever think about reversing the roles"

"What are you talking about?"

"Sex."

"You... You want..." Jonas' eyes widened in shock when he realized what Erik meant. "I don't know if I can do it. It isn't simple. The first time it might hurt and I don't want to cause you pain."

"But you were the one who said that the pleasure we feel afterwards is worth the pain."

"I wasn't talking about a first time."

"What if it doesn't hurt as much as you think it will. If you prepare me well enough, I might feel some discomfort and a slight pain at first but not a pain that would make it unpleasant for me. What if I'm ready?"

"I'm not sure you are."

"What makes you think that?"

"Let's say you're stuck in the limbo when it comes to sexuality. You clearly enjoy what we have going on but since what we have isn't granted, you'll eventually end up going back to how things were before. Finding yourself a girlfriend with whom you can take things seriously. And actually, I think you already found her."

"Jonas." Erik sighed impatient. "How many times do I have to tell you that Sophia is just a dear friend?"

"You can tell me that a thousand times and even believing you, I still can't help but having a bad feeling about you two. And I bet that when you get tired of me, because I can't give you the relationship you want, you'll go to her."

"This is foolish. What do you have to put Sophia into this?"

"I just don't want to do something to you that you'll regret later. Who knows, maybe you have a chance with her."

"Jonas, please. This is about you and me. About us getting closer. About me trusting in you to have my first time with. About me wanting you. Don't try to make it complicated with things that have nothing to do with it. Don't you want to do this? Have you never thought about doing this to me?"

"Yes, I do and yes, I have. I just never thought you'd want that. And yet, I wouldn't have the courage to ask you about it."

"I just want you to know that I'm ready. It doesn't matter if our relationship is serious or not, I want you."

"We should talk better about it, Erik. But not now."

"Ok, I don't want to push you. But if you ever want that, I'm up for it."

"Time to sleep, Erik. Good night." Jonas said. But before going to sleep, Erik kissed him one last time.

Erik finally had had the courage to suggest they could reverse roles and that he was ready. The boy's reaction wasn't as positive as he thought it'd be. He'd give it time for Jonas to think about it and accept whatever decision he'd make. Or at least he'd try to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated.


	25. "Nothing else matters"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for some National Team football. And for Jonas to make his debut.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it. Let me know your thoughts. Feedback is appreciated.

Chapter 25 - Nothing else matters

When Erik woke up in the next morning Jonas was long gone. Erik walked to the kitchen, getting something to eat on the fridge. He checked his cellphone and saw the message saying that he was officially called up to the national team squad and information of his flight.

That meant he would have a week with very busy days ahead of him. But he loved it. To play for his country was the dream of many kids, including his own as a child. And now he was proud to be part of it.

He started to pack his things since he was supposed to take a flight to Frankfurt in about two hours. He was choosing a few pair of shoes when he heard a cellphone ring. Immediately he knew it wasn't his. He followed the sound of the cellphone and found it on the coffee table. Jonas had forgotten his cellphone in his place. Erik couldn't help but wonder if he had left in hurry.

He didn't pick up the call but when it stopped ringing he saw many new messages. One of them was from the same sender that had sent his call up warning. He read what it was about, hurried to finish packing and then drove to the training center.

He went straight to the locker room but Jonas wasn't there. He saw Bürki, Matze and Marcel coming back from the gyn.

"Hey, has any of you seen Jonas? Is he in the gym?"

"No" Matze and Marcel replied.

"I met him early. "Bürki said." He came here but went straight to the medical room."

"What? Why?"

"He said he had back pain."

"Back pain?" He repeated it more to himself than for the others. Bürki and Marcel headed to their lockers. But Matze walked next to him.

"You don't actually happen to have anything to do with his back pain, do you?" The younger asked, obviously already knowing the answer judging by the small smile he had.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Erik tried to keep a poker face but failed. "I will see how he is doing."

A few minutes later he walked into the medical room. Jonas was doing some exercises to stretch his back.

"Hi, I heard you have some back problems."

"Yeah, I must have slept wrong last night." Jonas said because the physiotherapist was near them. Then the man walked away.

"That's because of what I did. I'm sorry." Erik whispered.

"It's okay. It's just bothering me a bit. It should better soon. It's one of those pains you don't mind having because it was worth."

"You should mind. You gotta be 100% soon."

"I can't believe you're making plans already."

"No, I'm not talking about that." Erik said as he picked Jonas’ cellphone from his pocket and handled it to him. "You forgot this in my place. It was not the best day for you to do that. Now we have to go your place for you to pack your things and then take a flight."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Haven't you seen Mats or Marco?"

"Of course not. They're heading to join the national team. Like you should be doing. What are you still doing here?"

"You have a flight to catch as well. I came to pick you up. Since you probably didn't know. Check your cellphone, you've been called up for the national team."

"You've got to be kidding me."

"If you don't believe me, see for yourself." Erik said. He watched as Jonas’ expression changed from calm to dazed. "C'mon, Jonas, you can't possibly be surprised."

"I'm a little bit. Löw always picks better choices."

"This time you're the best choice." Erik hugged Jonas. "Everybody could see how you've been playing superbly lately. Your call up to the national team is more than deserved. Congrats."

"Erik is right, you know." Tuchel said and that made them pull away abruptly. "Oh, no. I didn't mean to interrupt your moment."

"You didn't interrupt anything." Jonas hurried to make it clear. "But thank you."

"I believe you two have have a flight to catch. Go." Tuchel said.

No need to say twice. They left for their places, Erik to finish packing and Jonas to get his things. Later they met Mats and Marco at the airport and departed to Frankfurt.

Jonas was welcomed to the team by everyone, even if that meant to have his ears flicked by each one of them. He didn't mind. He was happy to finally be part of the main team. He was sharing a room with Patrick Herrmann. Meanwhile Erik was sharing a room with Christoph Kramer.

On the night before their match against Ireland, the players had a little time to relax. Jonas had been talking with Marco, Mario, Herrmann, Hector and Ter Stegen. But he couldn't find Erik nowhere near. Usually, he'd be there talking with the guys. When Kramer joined them, he couldn't help but to ask.

"Do you know where Erik is?"

"He stayed on the room."

"Thanks. I'll talk to him."

"I wouldn't go there if I were you." Kramer said leaving Jonas intrigued.

"Why?"

"He's skyping with his girlfriend."

"His girlfriend? Did he say so?"

"He didn't need to."

Jonas knew it was Sophia. He wondered for a moment what Erik and Sophia were talking to leave Kramer with the impression that they were dating. At the same time he feared the answer even knowing the boy's impression was probably wrong.

He went to his room. Patrick would be staying downstairs longer, so he'd be alone for while. He lied down on his bed, thinking about things.

He knew that what had started as something casual was becoming emotional. Even if he didn't want to admit, he knew he was dangerously falling in love with Erik. And that his fears were keeping him from making any progress. Meanwhile, Erik and Sophia seemed to be doing a good progress.

On the next day Erik noticed that Jonas was avoiding him. As it was a match day he didn't want to let nothing stand between them because it could affect the team and they shouldn't let that happen.

After lunch he saw that Patrick was downstairs and headed to Jonas’ room hoping to find him there. He knocks on the door and hears Jonas giving him permission to get in.

"Hey, Jonas. Can we talk?" He asked. He then saw that Jonas was reading a book. "I see you're busy right now but it's important."

"What is it?"

"You're avoiding me. Are you mad me? Upset or what? Enlighten me because I have no idea what I did." Erik said and sat on the edge of the bed. "Unless this is about what I suggested. You don't need to be mad at me. If you're not okay with it. I'll understand."

"It's not that. It's just that I asked about you to Kramer last night and apparently he got the impression you have a girlfriend. I didn't need much to figure you stayed behind talking to Sophia"

"There it goes... Again. Jonas, if anything ever changes between me and Sophia, I'll let you know beforehand. I won't betray your trust."

"Don't you see? It's already changing. Before, you'd say for sure she's just a friend. Now, you even admit the possibility that things could change."

"What do you want me to do? Maybe I should spend the next 30 days living with you just so I can finally make you understand that I only have eyes for you. That I'm with you, not her."

"We can't. I won't be alone."

"What do you mean?"

"In the beginning of November Hellene will be in town for some days and I invited her to stay over my place."

"You know, just because I don't show jealousy, it doesn't mean that I don't care. To hear that you'll spend some days with your ex girlfriend kinda worries me a bit. However, I rather trust you than being jealous. Which is risky because once this trust is broken it might be hard to fix it."

"I trust you. It's just that I can't control these.... these..."

"These feelings? Well, I guess I have the answer you didn't want to give me before."

"That's you saying. Things. I was about to say things, not feelings. I'm sorry to bother you with this, I just can't control it. And after all, we don't have anything serious. You're free to go if you want. I can't possibly expect you to be... Nevermind."

"You're right. I'm a free man. " Erik said and put his hand on Jonas’ thigh, stroking it slowly with his thumb. "Free enough to be with whoever I want. And that's you. Right now, I'm where I want to be, with the person I want to be with. Nothing else matters."

"Do you really mean that?"

"Every single word. So... I just wanted to be sure things are okay. I don't wanna let anything silly get us apart. We have a match later so we shouldn't let anything stand between us."

"But there's nothing standing between us. Not before..." Jonas said, letting go of the book he had been holding, sitting closer to Erik. "And definitely not now." Jonas couldn't resist but to kiss him. Erik kissed him back for a little while but unfortunately they couldn't continue.

"I guess we still have 30 minutes before joining the team. So, maybe we could do something fun." Erik then whispered on his ear. "Like, reading together that book you were just reading."

"The book? Really?"

"You thought I was going to suggest something else, didn't you?"

"It surely looked like it. But you don't know what the book is about."

"I don't mind. I just want to spend the time with you. Since you're busy reading the book, I thought I could just join you."

Jonas sat with his back against the headboard of his bed and Erik sat beside him. The brunette held the book so both of then could read. They read it together, stopping to make a comment here and there. Laughing together at some things. The last time they laughed, their eyes met and suddenly their laughs and the book were forgotten when their lips touched once again and they gave in into the kiss taking time to enjoy their little make out.

Unfortunately, it didn't last long because they heard voices approaching on the hallway and rushed to compose themselves and avoid an suspicious and awkward situation.

Later that night they were up to face Ireland. Erik, with his number 15, would be starting. Jonas, with the number 21 (Marco had the 11), would be on the bench.

They managed to dominate most of the match. Ter Stegen, who replaced Neuer to give him a rest, didn't need to do much, he practically just watched the match. Götze scored the first goal, assisted by Reus. The second goal was made by Müller, assisted by Kroos.

Erik didn't had to do much since the Irish attack was almost non existent. For the second half Löw put Jonas and Patrick on to give some rest to Müller and Reus. The match's pace slowed down a bit but around the 75th minute Jonas gave the assist for Herrmann's goal. Full time: 3-0, an easy match and a good win. Everyone was happy.

For the second and last match that they'd play for Germany that month they were facing Georgia on a Sunday night in Lipzieg. This time Erik and Jonas were in the starting XI. Jonas on the right side and Erik on the left.

But that didn't stop them from creating chances together. The first goal, scored at the 13th minute, started on a play between Erik, Jonas and Kroos and Max Kruse sent the ball to the back of the net. The second goal came through a header from Höwedes still on thw first half.

In beginning of the second half Reus scored the third. Around the 66th, on one of the times Jonas happened to be by the left side, he recived the pass from Erik, without the opponent's defence properly marking him, and went on a run with the ball towards the goal, he dribbled the goalkeeper and scored his first goal for the senior national team. Jonas celebrated it a lot and all the team mates came to congratulate him. Erik stayed for last, hugging him and messing with his hair.

A few minutes later Erik and Jonas were replaced by Hector and Götze to get some rest. They sat on the bench, side by side, watching the match, Erik had his arm around Jonas shoulder the whole time as they watched Reus and Bellarabi score the 4th and the 5th goal and the match eventually come to the end.

After the match Jonas and Erik would have like to celebrate it on their way but obviously they couldn't. So they joined their team mates in the hotel for a small gathering before going to sleep.

On Monday morning they flew back to Dortmund. They were given the day off. They went to their places but agreed on Jonas coming over later so they could go out for dinner.

By the time they had agreed on meeting Erik wasn't done getting ready yet. But Jonas was always on time. And it wasn't different tonight. It was near 6.30pm, Erik had just put on a shirt and was about to fix his hair when he heard the doorbell.

Erik let him in and closed the door. Once he looked at Jonas, the view was stunning. The boy hair was slightly messed making him look even better. He was wearing jeans, a slightly tight shirt and a black leather jacket.

A jacket that Erik immediately took off of him and threw somewhere. Jonas was looking too good for him to resist. Erik simply took it off and attacked his lips afterwards, kissing him eager. It didn't the long till his lips found Jonas’ neck. Erik could smell the fragrance he was wearing. It was sweet but at the same time slightly spicy. It was good and quite seductive.

"What are you doing?" Jonas tried to resist to having Erik kissing his neck. "This way we'll never make going out for dinner."

"Fuck that. I want you so bad, handsome."

"I noticed." Jonas gave a shy laugh. "It can wait till we get back."

"No... It... can't... wait... You... are... killing...me." Erik said kissing him at each pause. "I don't know what you're doing to me, but I just want more of you. It has been only a week since our last time but I don't care. I want you so bad right now. So, so bad."

"It's okay, Erik. You can have me later but we should eat first. After all, you should refill your energy before you can take me."

"No, you don't get it. Jonas, I'm not taking you tonight. I want you to take me, instead." Erik asked but Jonas immediately took a few steps back.

"No way. I can't do this."

"Why not?"

"I just can't. I'm sorry." Jonas said as he picked his jacket and put it back on. "Forget the dinner. I should go now."

"What? Jonas, wait! Jonas!"

And like that he was gone. So fast that Erik could barely understand what just happened. Had Jonas just denied him? He felt more like rejected and that realization hit him hard, making him upset.

It was past midnight when Jonas cellphone ringed waking him up. He picked up only to hear a slurred voice.

"I need you now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated. They keep me motivated and inspired to keep bringing this story to you.


	26. "Need you now"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After feeling rejected Erik ends up drinking too much, for someone who isn't used to drink. But Jonas is there to help him. 
> 
> Chapter inspired by the song: "Need you now" by Boyce Avenue (Lady Antebellum)
> 
> Hope you like it. Let me know your thoughts.

Chapter 26 - Need you now

It was past midnight when Jonas cellphone ringed waking him up. He picked up Erik's call.

"I need you now. Please, come by."

Before he could say anything Erik hung up the call. Was it the sleep still affecting him or did Erik's voice really sounded slurred? He didn't use to drink. But what if he just did? Jonas hurried to put some comfortable clothes on and headed to the blonde's place.

He opened the door but Erik was nowhere to be seen. Jonas could see a beer bottle on the coffee table. He looked for him till he found the blonde in the bathroom sitting on the toilet lid. His head hanging low as he looked at his own hands. When he noticed Jonas presence he looked at him and the brunete could see his red eyes.

Jonas' heart ached by the sight in front of him.

"Erik, what did you do? Are you drunk? How many beers have you had?"

"Three."

"Three? Are you nuts? For someone who isn't used to drink, this is too much. This is gonna get you intoxicated."

"Why do you care? I'm just trying to get the hurt of your rejection to go away. This beer sucks but at least is helping."

"Rejection? Erik, I never rejected you."

"You did today. I really needed you. I needed you so much. And what you did? You ran away." Erik started to sob. "Whenever you wanted me, I gave it to you. Now, I want you, so bad. And you're denying me that. It's not fair."

"I just don't think it's the right time, yet."

"Bullshit. If this is some sort of game where you get what you want and leave, then fuck you!"

"We can't talk now. You're not in conditions." Jonas felt hurt by Erik's words but he ignored it because he knew it was the alcohol talking.

"I gotta know! You don't want me?"

"Erik, I know you'll probably forget whatever I say now by tomorrow morning. But I'll say it again later, if you need me to." Jonas squatted in front of Erik and held his hand. "Please, believe me when I say that I want you. That I want to take you. However, I'm not ready to do that."

"Why not?"

"Because you still have a chance to get out of this 'intact', per say. Sophia seems to like you. You still have time to live a normal life with her. Meanwhile you're conflicted by your bisexuality, I don't want to 'damage' you."

"I don't want her. I want you. Can't you see it?" Erik asked with pleading eyes. "Are you afraid of... Afraid of taking my virginity, per say?"

"Yes, I am."

"But the guy you hook up before me, you took his. Why won't you take mine? It's the same thing."

"No, it's different. Don't compare it. With the guy, I did what I had to do, being careful with him but without caring about emotions because there were none involved." Jonas took a deep breath in order to continue. "With you it's completely different. I'm getting attached to you. I need to feel you're sure about taking this step forward. I'd blame myself if I hurt you, if you regretted it and distanced yourself from me."

"I need you now, Jonas." Erik tried to pull at Jonas’ sweater but the brunete pulled his hands away. "Please, I want you so much."

"No, you're drunk. What kind of person would I be if I took advantage of this situation? I would never do that. I want you sober."

"Don't be the Mr. Right guy now. It's boring."

"I rather be boring than stupid. Come on, get up." Jonas stood up and pulled Erik with him. "Let me take care of you. I'll help you take a shower. It should help lessen the alcohol effects."

Jonas helped Erik to get rid if his clothes and put him under the water. Erik was having some difficulties to stand still so the brunette held him for a little while. Whenever Erik tried to pull him under the shower as well, Jonas would slap his hand away.

Once Jonas was sure Erik wouldn't collapse, he headed to the bedroom to get a pair of boxers, sweatpants and a shirt. He helped Erik to get into his clothes and took him to his bed. When Erik lied down the brunette covered him with the blanket. Jonas was about to go home when Erik grabbed his hand.

"Don't leave me alone."

"I won't." Jonas took off his shoes and lied down beside Erik. The blonde moved closer, laying his head on Jonas' chest. Jonas then rubbed his back. "Don't worry, you'll have me. I'll give you what you want. But it won't work if you try to rush it."

Since Erik didn't reply, Jonas thought he had fallen asleep. The brunette then was ready to sleep as well when he heard Erik murmuring:

"I love you."

And that hurt Jonas. It made him sad because he knew it was the alcohol talking. By the morning Erik would wake up and wouldn't remember his own words.

On the morning Jonas went out to buy some coffee and stuff to eat. He also end up stopping by a drug store. It'd be useful.

When he returned to Erik's flat, he put the bags over the table, got a glass of water and one of the pills. Jonas found the blonde in the bathroom, washing his face with cold water on the sink.

"How bad is it?" Jonas asked.

"It sucks."

"They say you never live life to its fullest without been through a hangover."

"Was that supposed to comfort me?"

"Here, take it." Jonas said handling him the glass of water and the medicine. "It will help for now. But if it doesn't get better by tomorrow then you better see a doctor. The first hangover is always the worst. It doesn't feel so bad once you get used to it."

"To get used to have a hangover?"

"What can I say, I've been there some times. Hopefully, you won't put yourself through it again."

"Hopefully, I won't be rejected again." Erik said as he walked towards the kitchen and Jonas followed him.

"Look, I just want it to be special for you. You deserve it to be special. But I can't do that to you before we're sure of what we have. Like I told you, I didn't reject you. But then, you probably don't remember much, if anything, from last night."

"Not much." The blonde suddenly turned towards Jonas. "Gosh, did I act like a jerk to you? Have I done something stupid?"

"No, you didn't. You acted more like a little child that needed to be taken care of."

"It's so embarrassing."

"It happens. But you don't remember anything you said? Anything at all?"

"Not right now. Why? Did I say something I shouldn't have?"

"No, don't worry." Jonas said. Even though he already expected it, he couldn't help but feel a little upset that Erik couldn't remember the three famous words he had said.

"Why don't you tell me what exactly we talked about?"

As Jonas had promised he'd repeat everything they had said, if it was needed, that was what he did while they had breakfast. He told almost everything. Almost. He had to leave out the part where he admitted to be getting attached to Erik and the blonde's last words before falling asleep.

"So, that really wasn't a rejection, right?" Erik asked. He still wasn't sure.

"How many times do I have to tell you? You'll have what you want, just give it time"

"Come again? I didn't hear you." Erik teased and Jonas noticed it.

"I'll give it to you."

"I think I'm going deaf, say it again."

"You're just wanting me to get naughty, aren't you?" Jonas asked and the only reaction Erik made was to smirk. "Fine. If you ever say again that I rejected you, I swear I'll fuck you onto the mattress until you see stars."

"Oh... Wow..." Erik let the knife, that he had been using to spread nutella on his bread, fall on the table. He pulled a sad face along with pouting lips. "You know, I'm still feeling rejected."

"I hate you."Jonas shook his head, smiling.

"Don't worry, I can wait. It'll be worth. In the meanwhile..." Erik put some nutella on his thumb and spread it on Jonas’ cheek."

"Hey! This is a waste of nutella." Jonas pretened to be offended.

"Don't mention it." Erik leaned over the table and licked the nutella off of Jonas' cheek. Once he was done he moved and captured the brunette's lips.

"Stop it. Otherwise we'll be late for work. You want me to give you a ride?" Jonas closed his eyes after seeing Erik chuckling. "To the training, Erik. To the training. God, what are you? A horny teenager?"

"I blame you. And no need. I'll call in sick. I'm not feeling well enough."

"I wish I could stay longer but I really have to go, I still gotta head home before the training."

"I just can't thank you enough for taking care of me."

"It's okay. I know you'd do the same for me." Jonas gave him a quick peck on the lips. "See you, get well soon".

After calling in sick Erik lied down on his bed again. He was having a bad headache. He kinda deserved it. He knew it was a bad idea to drink beer. But at the time it seemed to give him some comfort to the hurt he was feeling. Now he was left with a hangover but at least he knew Jonas hadn't rejected him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this cute chapter because there's drama right in the corner coming towards them.  
> So... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated.


	27. "What goes around... comes back around"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, the chapter's title says it all. 
> 
> It's about time for some more drama and for things to finally change.
> 
> On a side note, when I wrote this chapter Julian Draxler was still a Schalke player. The same goes to Kampl in Borussia. Don't mind that in this fiction they're still there.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it. Let me know your thoughts.

Chapter 27 - What goes around... comes back around.

Jonas didn't want to leave Erik alone but he didn't have a choice. He had training to do. He felt bad knowing he was the reason of Erik's hangover and seeing the way he was wasted last night. But yet, there was nothing he could do. He wasn't ready to do what Erik wanted him to. Not that he didn't want to. He did but he was scared, as silly as it might sound. Jonas would rather wait to have a chance once they were sure of what they feel for each other, and maybe be officially together. Even knowing this could never happen, Jonas didn't want to risk hurting Erik in any way for nothing.

Almost an hour later he arrived to the training center. He greeted his team mates and headed to the his locker room.

"Has anyone seen Erik?" Mats asked. "Is he late?"

"He isn't coming today." Bürki said to everyone's surprise. "I texted him, inviting him out for lunch after the morning training but he texted me back saying he had a hangover and wouldn't be coming. "

"Why did you invite him for lunch?" Jonas, that up to now was putting his training kit, turned to face Bürki. The goalkeeper was about to say something but it was Mats who spoke next.

"Erik has a hangover? It can't be. He doesn't even drink. That really makes me wonder what may have happened for him to end up with a hangover. Is he ok?"

"What did you do, Jonas?" It was all Matthias asked with a serious expression on his face, glaring at the brunette.

"What would Jonas have to do with Erik's hangover?" Mats asked. He noticed Matze's dangerous glare towards the brunette and how Jonas avoided it. Suddenly, something clicked in his mind. "Oh, dear... " His eyes were wide open and he was flabbergasted, incredulous with his realization. "This explains a lot."

"What explains a lot? What is it?" Bürki asked confused. "Did I miss something?"

"Erik is okay. We had a misunderstanding but we solved that already. Unfortunately, the hangover takes longer to wear off."

"What happened?" Matthias asked.

"I rather not talk about it. Don't worry, he'll be fine."

"Don't worry? How am I not supposed to worry with this crazy arrangement you two got into?" Matthias asked. Bürki seemed to be about to say something but Mats made a sign for him to keep quiet.

"You said it well. The two of us got into. I didn't force Erik into anything."

"Apparently he is the one who got hurt. Erik is my friend..."

"And Erik is my..." Jonas snapped but stopped right in time before saying something he shouldn't. On the corner of his eye he could see Mats, not so subtly, pushing Bürki out of the dressing room, walking along him. "It offends me that you think I'd want to hurt Erik. Call him, you'll see that he's fine. I won't tell you what happened, but if he wants to tell you, you'll understand I was trying to protect him."

"You two are my best friends, I'm just worried. Your arrangement is dangerous. I don't want to see you two ending up in bad blood."

"We're good, believe me."

"I know it's not my business but you know you can't stay stuck where you two are forever. It'll start not being enough. Why don't you take the next step and make it serious?"

"It's complicated."

"But you want to."

"Sometimes I think it's easier to take a step back than one forward."

"The best things don't come easy. You know that."

"I'm not ready to risk things, even more than we're already risking. We're comfortable now, so I'll just let it be."

After the afternoon training, before going home, Jonas stopped by Erik's place to check on him. He was glad to see Erik was feeling better. They watched a Champions League match together before Jonas left.

At first Jonas’s words assured him that he hadn't been rejected. That Jonas wanted him as much as he wanted Jonas. It comforted him for a while. But as they end up getting apart due to some personal stuff they had to do and they weren't having much time to spend together, Erik felt like being rejected all over again, even if for no reason, he felt bad.

They end up getting back to their friendly interactions since they lately only got to talk at work. With them unintentionally getting distant from one another, coincidentally or not, the team's performace eventually fluctuated. The won against Mainz, had their first defeat of the season against Augsburg, won against Paderborn and got a tough draw against Werder Bremen. Luckily Bayern also got bad results. Right now both teams had the same points, sharing the lead.

When Hellene came to town it only got worse. She'd be around for work but Jonas invited her to stay in his place rather than spend a whole week in a hotel room. She was a great friend first of all so he didn't see a problem with that. So now, Jonas and Erik couldn't meet each other even they wishing so bad for that to happen.

It was the first week of November, they would be playing Schalke 04 at Signal Iduna. They knew they had to win to get back on track. It didn't start as they wanted with Julian Draxler scoring for Schalke on the 23th minute. But they managed to equalize before halftime with Mkhitaryan.

On the second half Subotic and Reus managed to turn the game at their favor. Leon Goretzka got to score their second goal but it was too late, Borussia won over their rivals.

Initially the team celebrated the win on the locker room but apparently it wasn't enough. Auba suggested they would go party in a nightclub. Jonas and Erik wouldn't usually go to places like that but since they were all happy why not. Jonas’ asked Auba if he could invite Hellene, he didn't want to leave her alone and knew she would like it. Even Ginter agreed on going. Bürki also agreed on going and Auba suggested they could celebrate the goalkeeper's birthday that would be in a week but most players would be on international duty on the day.

Erik arrived at the night club around 9:30pm. He met Bürki, Ginter and his girlfriend, Kampl, Auba, Marco and a few friends, Julian and Gundogän. Erik got in a conversation with Roman and Matze and his girlfriend. Fifteen minutes later Jonas arrived along Hellene.

They were enjoying the music, involved in a fun conversation when some of them decided to go dance. Hellene pulled Jonas with her. Erik had to watch it and pretend everything was fine while ignoring this bittersweet feeling, the jealousy that was threatening to take place. He then got distracted by Auba's invitation.

"Hey, what are you waiting for? Let's go dacing. I see some women looking at you. Who knows you might find someone interesting."

"No, I'm good, thanks."

"Seriously? And you wonder why you don't have a girlfriend. You'll never get one if you never try," Auba said and walked away.

"He's right, you know." Matze said. "And since Jonas is enjoying himself with..."

"Don't." It was the only thing Erik replied to that. "I gotta go to the restroom."

Without any other word he walked away but not before seeing Hellene dacing too close to Jonas while saying something in his ear. He kept making his way to the restroom, being interrupted a few times by some women inviting him to dance. He politely excused himself and walked faster to avoid any other interruption.

He took the chance that the bathroom was empty, he knew it wouldn't take long till someone else to come in. He leaned on the sink, looking at his reflection on the mirror. For some reason he was pale. He started to wonder what the hell was he doing there. He should have stayed home. He didn't like at all seeing they way Jonas and Hellene were interacting. But then he reminded Matze words. He was right. If Jonas could enjoy himself then why couldn't he? He was decided to go out there and look for a woman that he'd like to dance.

He splashed some cold water on his face, dried it off afterwards stopping to take a last look at the mirror. And then, suddenly, he felt his heart start to clench. He didn't know why. He started to have this bad feeling running through him. He took a few deep breaths and rushed outside the restroom.

As he was making his way to join his friends he suddenly saw the bvb players making a kind of circle, probably around someone. They were shouting something but he couldn't hear it from the distance because of the loud music. When he approached it he saw Matze and Marco away from the circle. When Matthias saw him coming closer he nodded negatively, gesturing him to stay where he was. That intrigued him the most and he sped up his pace.

Then he heard what was being shouted. "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!". Worse yet, he saw at whom these words were being shouted at. Jonas and Hellene. They were in the middle of the circle. Kissing. And Erik had a clear view of that. The clenching on his heart only got worse, like it was really breaking.

And somehow it was. He kept staring terrified at the scene. They were there kissing and wouldn't let go. He just couldn't stand it. He turned around and left, distressed to find the exit. He bumped into a few people on his way, apologizing.

Once he stepped outside he could breath some flesh air. It didn't take long till Matze joined him. They stayed in silence for a little while till the younger brake it.

"You love him. The hurt in your eyes says it all."

"He doesn't love me. He never will." Erik's voice broke slightly as he tried to control himself. "And I thought I could... Damn! I deserve the 'Fool of the year' award. He was just using me."

"No, he wasn't. I know him, he wouldn't do that. Maybe it's just a misunderstanding..."

"What kind of misunderstanding is it when you have your tongue practically buried into someone else's throat?"

Erik didn't want to hear anything else. He left Matze behind and headed to his car. Once inside he punched the steering wheel a couple times. It was that or to cry.

When he managed to get himself together and think straight he considered what he should do. He didn't want to go home. He didn't want to be alone. Then he remembered.

Sophia. He knew she would always be around to cover Borussia's home matches. He hadn't had the chance to see her on the stadium but he was sure she had been there.

He knew it was around 10:30pm but she probably wouldn't mind. He got his cell phone and texted her. He asked her if she was in towm, just to be sure. She replied back with a yes. Then he asked where she was and if he could come over. She said she was in the same hotel as she used to stay every time she was in the city and that it was okay for him to stop by.

He didn't think twice. He turned off his cellphone and drove straight to her hotel room. He had known Sophia for four months and by now he knew she was trustworthy. And she was the only one he could talk to about what was going on right now. Erik had never told her about he and Jonas but he knew she'd somehow understand him.

When he reach her hotel room floor, he saw her waiting for him. She let him in and closed the door.

"Erik, you look terrible. What happened?" Sophia asked once she got her eyes fully on him ans saw his paleness and his red eyes.

"I know it's late but I needed to talk."

"Okay. I'll try to help you if I can. If you need to get something off your chest, I'm all ears and I promise it'll stay between us."

"I was cheated... I got fucking cheated." He couldn't hold it anymore. He stepped ahead and hugged her, sobbing on her shoulder.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." Sophia was caught by surprise by Erik's hug and cry but wrapped her arms around him trying to somehow comfort him. "I didn't know you were dating."

"I'm not dating exactly. It's just... complicated."

"If she cheated on you then she doesn't deserve you or your love or that you're crying because of her."

"It's not that." Erik pulled away from the hug, drying the tears off of his face with the back of his hand." It's not she. It's he."

"He? Whoa, I never imagined you were..."

"I'm not gay. Bi, but only for a special someone. For Jonas."

"Jonas... I dont...Wait a minute. You don't mean the Hofmann boy... " She started to say with some uncertainty but the look on his eyes gave her the answer." Oh, you do. I couldn't see that coming, you hide it pretty well. Although that explains why he doesn't seem to like me."

"The whole time he was worried I'd hook up with you. Then he goes and stab me on the back."

"Such strong words you're using." Sophia said as she sat on the edge of the bed. She patted on the bed for Erik to lie down, resting his head on her lap, while she reached to hold his hand. "It's the hurt talking."

"It's what it's. He always knew I completely trust him. I let that clear many times. I even told him once he was free to get out of our friends with benefits agreement but that he should let me know first. And the idiot here believed he'd do it. So yes, I guess I have the right to feel like being stabbed on the back."

"A friends with benefits agreement? Do you understand that in this kind of 'relationship' you're not exclusives? That you're not his and he isn't yours. If you love each other, this will never be enough. You're doing it wrong."

"It started with no strings attached. But we let feelings get involved. Or at least I did. The idiot here fell in love." Erik started to cry again, his whole body shaking by his sobs. "Now I realize that for him it was just about fooling around. I thought we were both getting involved but I was terribly wrong. I asked him if he was falling in love. At first I thought he was too stubborn to admit. But now I know. You can't admit feelings that you don't have. And a couple weeks ago I suggested something to him and he rejected me. He's just using me."

"I don't think he'd do that, I might not know him that well but that night the three of us went out for dinner, I noticed the interactions and looks between you two. He looked at you with admiration, caring and affection. By the time I thought it was a result of your friendship even if it was a little weird for you two being only friends. Anyway, what makes you think he cheated on you?"

"I don't think. I saw it. Some of the bvb players went clubbing to celebrate the win. Me and Jonas included. But he took his ex girlfriend with him. At some point I saw them making out. Damn! I don't even want to imagine what he might be doing to her right now. I just wish it didn't hurt this much."

"Love hurts, Erik."

"Talking from experience?"

"Yes. You're heartbroken, Erik. I've been there. It hurts this much because you love him. And maybe you're feeling this way because of how it happened but also because you probably never loved anyone as much as you love him."

"How can I make it go away?"

"Really? You're feeling this way for like one hour and already wants it to go away like that? It doesn't work like that. Unless you're some kind of magic, you can't make it go away by snapping your fingers." Sophia spoke as she looked away from him for the first time. He caught a glimpse of sadness in her eyes. "It takes time for this kind of hurt to go away. Sometimes it doesn't go away at all."

"How long has it been for you?" Erik asked getting his head off her lap, sitting on the bed.

"Over five years."

"Five years? That's too much time. What happened? I mean, it's okay if you don't want to talk about it."

"It's a long story. I'll try to cut it short. In my teenager's years, I never got along with guys, then I met this guy, he was really caring, different from the usual idiot guys, and we became really good friends. I ended up falling in love with him. I told him about it and he honestly told me that he only saw me as a friend. At first I accepted that and even got to fall out of love for a while. Then we went to university together and my feelings came back stronger. It was out of control. And the worse, I had to live with seeing him everyday with his girlfriend, kissing right in front of me."

"This is awful."

"And even if I didn't blame him, it didn't hurt any less. Because he could have used me and played with my feelings but he was honest with me the whole time. However, I was so in love with him. And I kinda figured you tend to love even more when you know you can't have it."

"Does it still hurts you?"

"Not anymore. It hurt me for a long time, even when he wasn't part of my life any longer. It's the kind of hurt I wouldn't wish even to my enemy. No matter what you do it doesn't go away fast. It took me a very long time to put it behind me. It doesn't mean I completely forgot him. I still catch myself thinking about him a few times. It doesn't hurt any more, thankfully. However, I have been deeply affected by this hurt. I simply can't fall in love again. I don't think I ever will."

"Don't say that. Things like that are unpredictable. You still might find someone out there who will love you as you deserve to be loved and help you overcome what you've been through."

"Nah... I gave up all hopes, I accepted that it might not happen and I'm in peace with it. I'm fully committed to my job and it makes me very happy. To become a journalist and cover Bundesliga was a dream of mine. I spent my university years focused and aiming that. Now, this dream became true and I love so much my job. My job doesn't disappoint or hurt me. People do."

"I guess we can agree that love sucks."

"Touché!" Sophia said.

Erik could see his own sadness reflected on her. He was still feeling hurt, the image of Jonas and Hellene kissing kept coming back into his mind. And if only by that he was feeling terrible he couldn't even imagine how it was like to go through this hurt for years. He felt sorry for her. He knew her to be a happy person, who would smile often. He could never imagine that behind these smiles there was that much hurt hidden behind them.

When their eyes met again, Erik couldn't see the sparkles she very often had in her brown eyes. He didn't know why but suddenly he found himself closing the distance allowing their lips to touch for the first time.

It was a slow kiss. Where both sought for some kind of comfort through it. She kissed him back. It was nothing like kissing Jonas. Now he could notice the difference. Kissing her was good but meaningless. With Jonas it was wonderful and filled by the love he felt for him which the brunette always returned this love. Or at least he thought Jonas did until now,

After a while they parted for air, taking each other's shirts off and they kissed once again. However, this kiss didn't last because Erik pulled away, reaching for her shirt and giving it back to her.

"I'm sorry. I can't. It's not fair to Jonas."

"Do you think Jonas was thinking of you when he kissed his ex girlfriend?" Sophia asked but Erik didn't find words to reply. "Exactly. He wasn't. Forget him for tonight. We might have bad luck in love but that doesn't mean we can't have fun some times. If Jonas can then why can't you?"

Erik pulled Sophia on his lap, kissing her. He knew that maybe he'd regret it later but if this was going to help keeping the hurt away for a while, he was okay with it. And since she seemed to want it, then why not?

And so they went on with it. Taking their clothes, kissing, making little jokes and eventually they ended up having sex. It was good but it was nowhere near what he and Jonas had. Now that he had something to compare to he understood. With Jonas it wasn't just about sharing moments when their bodies connected, but how also their minds connected, how their hearts beat in synchronize, about how their were slowly starting to let their feelings speak louder.

Once they were done, clean and back on their clothes, they lied side by side on the bed.

"Do you mind if I make you a few questions?" She asked.

"Not at all."

"Ok. Just answer yes or no... Was it good?"

"Yes."

"Did you have fun?"

"Yes."

"Did you fall in love with me?"

"What..? No."

"See, that's how you actually do friends with benefits. We enjoy it but that's all. We go back to being just friends. We don't fall in love. And by the look of hurt in your eyes when you got here, I can clearly see that you're beyond falling in love. You already love him. And now that you had your 'payback' at him, I don't think you have the right to still feel hurt. Friends with benefits is not enough for you two. So, do the right thing before you two end up seriously hurt. Like I said, I've been through it and it's bad. So don't put yourself or Jonas through it. You two deserve better. If you two have the opportunity to be happy together then take it. Don't waste it because other people don't have it."

"I'd want to give it a try but Jonas is too afraid of coming out, of assuming what we have. You know, homossexual relationships are not always seem with good eyes."

"Yes, it's a tougher road but if you love each other then it's worth facing it together. You can count on me if you need any help. I'll try to help if I can. We can be great friends. I'd like that."

"Yeah, I'd love that." Erik offered his hand and Sophia shook it.

Erik knew what he did wasn't the most right thing but at least the hurt was gone for now, he didn't feel his heart clenching anymore. However, he knew it was temporary. That it'd come back and wouldn't go away until he and Jonas could decide what they would do once for all. He wanted to be with Jonas right now, and not lying beside Sophia. But it was Jonas fault that they weren't together. And yet Erik didn't feel bad for what he had done with her. After all, what goes around... comes back around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll see a bit of Jonas’ POV on next chapter
> 
> Recently I was just watching the Mumford & Sons, the Red Rocks concert and came across "Little lion man". The chorus kinda matches their mistakes and what they are going through in this and in the upcoming chapters. 
> 
> "But it was not your fault but mine  
> And it was your heart on the line  
> I really fucked it up this time  
> Didn't I, my dear?"
> 
> So... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated. Feedback is what keeps me going.


	28. "Stubborn love"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of their disastrous night....
> 
> In this chapter we go back a little bit, it starts when they are still clubbing but we see it from Jonas’ POV.
> 
> A song that helped me somehow writing this chapter: "Stubborn love - The Lumineers".
> 
> Sorry that the updates are slower. I've been stuck lately, and as I like to have a few chapters written on advance, I had to slow down the updates. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it. Let me know your thoughts.

Chapter 28 - Stubborn love

When Jonas opened his eyes again the first person he wanted to see was Erik. But it wasn't him. It was Hellene. It was her whom he had been kissing. As he remembered, they were dancing, just having some fun as friends. Suddenly, he noticed her subtly getting closer. And apparently it wasn't only him who noticed that. All his friends, except Marco and Matze who knew about him and Erik, surrounded them making a circle around them and started encouraging them to kiss.

Jonas didn't want to do it. He couldn't see Erik but knew he should be somewhere near them. But Jonas felt under pressure and he also didn't want to get embarrassed or to let Hellene embarrassed so he just decided to play along. He knew it was unfair to her, because he could feel by the way she kissed him that she still had feelings which he didn't returned anymore because he was in love in with someone else. Wait.... What? Did he just... It was a little scaring admitting it to himself for the first time.

The realization left him shocked for a little while. When he was able to take his mind back to what was happening, he gently pulled away, smiling at her, a fake smile that he hated to be giving to her but there was no other way. He'd have to talk to her about what just happened.

For the moment he was worried about Erik, that he might have seen it. Whether he did or didn't see it, Jonas would be honest about it, but he would rather tell Erik first so the boy wouldn't jump to conclusions. He knew if Erik had seen it first then he probably would get to the wrong conclusion.

He looked around and didn't find Erik. So he thought Erik hadn't seen it. Well, it was better this way. However, taking another look around he couldn't find Matze either and Marco looked annoyed at him. And since they were the only ones that knew about them Jonas immediately knew something was wrong.

He took the chance that Hellene went to talk to Ginter's girlfriend and started to search for Erik or the younger one. He found Matze outside.

"Please, tell me Erik didn't see that." Jonas asked.

"Was that really necessary?"

"What? You were there. You know she was the one who kissed me."

"But Erik doesn't. He saw it midway. When you kissed her back."

"What was I supposed to do?"

"You can always reject a kiss, you know that, right?"

"I didn't want to be rude to her. Or to hurt her by rejecting her in front all those people."

"Your politeness ended up hurting Erik, instead."

"Oh my... Was it bad?"

"How much bad do you think there can be when he left thinking you're using him?" Matze asked. Without waiting for a answer he continued. "I'm tired of this drama between you two. I warned you'd end up hurting each other with the way you're handling things. Now, if you excuse me, I'll go back to my girlfriend."

Jonas watched as Matze walked past him and getting back inside the club. He immediately tried to call Erik but it went straight to his voice mail. It happened again with his next three attempts. He then tried messaging him saying he needed to talk to him as soon as possible. Ten minutes went by but there was no reply yet. He was about to try calling Erik again when Hellene came outside looking for him.

"Hey, what's up? You disappeared all of a sudden."

"Ellie, do you mind if we go home?"

"Is something wrong?"

"No. I just want to go home. But it's okay if you want to stay. I'll pay for the cab when you get back."

"I'll go with you. It's getting late, anyway."

"I'll let the guys know we're leaving. Go ahead, wait in the car. I'll be right back." He gave her his car keys and went inside.

Around fifteen minutes later they arrived in his flat. He had barely closed the door when Hellene walked to him and kissed him once again. This time he broke it right away, pulling her away gently.

"Please, don't do that."

"Why?" Hellene asked.

"Just don't."

"What is the problem? We just kissed in... Oh! You have a new girlfriend?"

"No. I just can't."

"Then what is it? You have never hesitated to kiss me before? What happened? Are you gay now?" She asked more like a joke. When Jonas kept looking at her dead serious, Hellene stopped laughing and looked at him astonished. "Oh my God! You are!"

"Yeah... I don't want to mislead you. The time we had as a couple was great but it's over. I moved on."

"Gosh, did our relationship traumatized you that much to the point of you making such... change?"

"Of course not. It wasn't you. It was me. I wanted to try something different. I've been seeing a guy. It's working. Or at least it was until this night."

"Why..? Please, don't say he was in the club with us."

"He was."

"He probably saw us kissing then." Hellene said feeling guilty. "I'm so sorry, Jonas. I had no idea. If you had told me about it before, I wouldn't have kissed you."

"It was my mistake not telling you about it. But now you know. I really like you, Ellie." He held her hand. "But as a friend. You're so beautiful. On the outside and most importantly: here" Jonas place his hand on her chest, over her heart. "You're wonderful in the inside. You'll find someone who truly loves you. I'm sorry that this person isn't me."

"It's okay. You wanna go after him right now, don't you?"

"If you don't mind me leaving you here alone, yes."

"I'll just take a shower and go to sleep. I suppose I don't need you here for that. Go get 'em tiger."

"You bet I will." Jonas said cheerfully and kissed her cheek.

"He better be worth it."

"He sure is."

Jonas ran to his car and headed straight to Erik's place. Through the way, that wasn't a long one, he kept thinking about what he should say. Trying to come up with the best and most sincere apologize he could give to Erik. After what he did, it was the best he could do. And hopefully Erik would accept. Because Jonas wasn't sure if he was prepared in case Erik wouldn't accept it.

Arriving on his street, Jonas noticed Erik's car wasn't parked were the blonde used to. After parking his own car. He looked around on the street for any sign of Erik's car. There was none. Even knowing Erik probably wasn't home he tried it anyway.

Only to be left standing in front of his door without any answer. He wondered if he Erik was sleeping but he doubted. Jonas then tried calling him again and again it went to the voice mail. He considered sending a message but by now he knew not to expect a reply.

It was cold so he decided to wait in his car. It was past midnight but he still wanted to wait a little more. He wondered where Erik was. He knew a few non-football-related friends that Erik had but not where they lived. So he had no idea where the blonde could be right now.

After waiting for 30 minutes without any sign of Erik he stared to feel drowsy. He reached for his glove compartment and got a notepad. He wrote a message, went back to Erik’s place and put the piece of paper inside through underneath the door.

On the next morning Erik and Sophia went out for breakfast. There was no awkwardness between them after what they had done. They interacted normally as friends. Once they were done with the breakfast Erik drove her back to her hotel where she would meet her coworkers and take a flight back to Munich. He parked his car and before she opened the passenger door, he reached for her hand.

"Thank you for last night. For comforting me and for helping me feel better."

"Let's agree that I did much more than I friend would usually do." She said and laughed. "You better be really thankful for that."

"And I am. But mostly for your understanding. For telling me about what you've been through. It helped me. You words were more important than what ended up happening afterwards."

"Yeah, it was just a distraction, I know"

"I'm sorry. You deserved better."

"We both deserved. It's okay, don't worry. We knew it didn't mean anything. No harm done."

"Are we good?"

"Sure we are." Sophia said, they fist bumped, she got out of the car and closed the door. "See you around. Bye!"

It was only when Erik got back home when he realized that his cellphone was still off. He turned it on and soon saw the many missing calls and messages from Jonas. 8 missing calls and around 15 messages. They mostly were: 'I'm sorry', 'I need to talk to you ASAP', 'Pick up the damn phone, Erik'.

Really? Was Jonas really trying to pretend that nothing happened? Or that the kiss he saw him share with his ex girlfriend wasn't what he thought it was? Did Jonas think he was some kind of fool?

It wasn't even 10am and he was already feeling pissed. He knew his Sunday would be a total waste. He dropped his cellphone on the couch and was about to head to the bathroom when something yellow near the door caught his attention.

It was a piece of paper. There was something written on it. He immediately recognized Jonas’ handwriting.

 _"Hey, stubborn._  
_Since you didn't pick up my calls or replied to any of my messages thenl I had to try this way._  
_I'm really sorry for what happened. Matze told me you saw it midway. So, I assume, or more likely, I'm sure you jumped to conclusions. Hellene was the one who kissed me first. I just didn't want to be rude to her by pushing her away in front of everybody. It meant nothing to me. But you mean everything to me._  
_I realize now that you got hurt and I'm truly sorry. Is there anything I can do to make up for it?_  
_Hoffi. Love."_

Erik read the paper many times, allowing the words to sink in. As much as he felt hurt the night before, Erik had no reason to believe Jonas was lying. The brunnette had always been honest with him. Why would he lie now? Why would he have bothered coming to his place and write in this piece of paper if it was a lie?

That's when Erik realized the terrible mistake he had made. Jonas was right. He had jumped to conclusions. The hurt he felt at the time made his insecurities become stronger and didn't let him think straight so he ended up sleeping with Sophia to at least get the sense that he was getting his payback.

Now that he could think clearly he felt awful. Considering their friendship and everything they had been through together, Jonas deserved the benefit of doubt. He shouldn't have left the way he did. He shouldn't have been with Sophia. He should have stayed and given Jonas the chance to explain it first. But he couldn't control it at the time. And now the mess was even worse.

Maybe it'd be better if Jonas didn't know about it. However, he couldn't look into Jonas’ eyes again and pretend nothing happened. He wouldn't be able to hide from him that he had slept with Sophia. He'd rather be honest to Jonas than Jonas end up hearing about it by someone else. He trusted Sophia wouldn't say it. But you know, secrets get back to you. Maybe after some time Sophia or even he himself could end up unintentionally letting it slip. Then it would be far worse and would hurt him more. For now Erik was already feeling bad. He was deciding what to do when he heard the doorbell ring.

"Erik, I know you're hurt and probably mad at me right now. But you've gotta listen to me. Please, give me a chance to explain myself." Jonas said and Erik let him in.

"You don't have to."

"Yes, I have. You got hurt and I hate that but I swear it wasn't my intention. It was my..."

"Enough, Jonas."

"But I deserve a chance to try to fix it, don't you think?"

"I read the note you left underneath my door. Was that the truth?"

"Every single word. And this time I made it clear to Hellene that we have no chances of getting back together. So, what happened last night won't happen again. She knows now that I lo... like someone else."

"I believe you, Jonas. There's nothing for you to fix."

"That's it? Are we back to good? This easily?" Jonas asked but didn't wait for the answer. He moved forward with the intention to kiss Erik but the blonde stopped him.

"No, Jonas, not that easily. I wish it was okay and that we could just make out right here, right now. But it doesn't work like that. I can't pretend it's okay. There's something you don't know about that I can't hide from you because I don't want to hurt you and because it's gonna be worse if you find out by someone else."

"Jesus, Erik, you're scaring me. What happened?"

"First, you need to understand something." Erik sat on the couch and Jonas followed him, sitting beside him. "Once I read what you wrote and that you just reassured it to me, I know now that you didn't want that kiss. But I didn't know it back then. When I saw you two kissing I felt hurt. And the hurt blinds you, it doesn't let you think straight. I saw you kissing her back and add to that the fact that you're insecure about what's going on between us. Because you seem to have some kind of stubborn love. You can't admit or express what you feel. And suddenly the hurt I felt made me realize that you can't admit your feelings because you don't have them. So, I couldn't help but to think that you wanted to get back to her. The thought of loosing you hurt too much. I needed to find a way to relieve that hurt and I..."

"Erik, what did you do?" Jonas asked a little apprehensive. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know the asnwer.

"I had a lot going on on my mind and I needed to talk to someone. But there's not a lot of people I could go to. Then I remembered that Sophia was in town, she was working on our match against Schalke, so I met her afterwards. I told her what happened and she understands how it feels like to be heartbroken."

"Wait. Let me get this clear. You told a journalist that we have a thing going on? You really told a journalist that two Borussia's players are having a 'fling'?"

"No, I didn't tell it to a journalist. I told it to a friend. And the fact that we're Borussia's players didn't cross my mind. This was the last thing I'd care about. All that mattered was that I had just watched the man who I deeply care about kissing someone else. How I felt cheated."

"You felt cheated? You can't be serious, Erik."

"Again, I didn't know the circumstances back then. Then I met Sophia and we talked for a while. I was hurt and she was just... there."

"There...? What are you trying to say here? Did you kiss her?"

"Yes, I did." Erik admitted. Jonas was about to say something but he continued. "But we didn't stop there." Erik had to look away from Jonas. He just couldn't say what he was about to and have to watch the brunette's beautiful blue eyes be filled with sadness or hurt. "I know it might hurt you but I rather be honest with you. Sophia and I.... We slept together."

"Un-fucking-believable!" Was all Jonas managed to say when he found his voice again.

"Well, at least you saw it coming. You suspected it could happen. But I didn't. I choose to trust you rather than feel jealous. And what that got me? Completely screwed up."

"At least I saw that coming? Is that supposed to make me feel better or what? How could you... How could you do it? Gosh, you know I like you, Erik."

"Do I? Because everytime I ask how you feel you get away from answering me. So I never really know what you actually feel. Anyway, when I met Sophia that night the thought of sleeping with her didn't cross my mind at all. It wasn't my intention. I just went there to talk to her. But eventually it ended up happening. I don't know, I guess I just thought if I could get some payback for what you did I'd feel better."

"Payback, really?" Jonas was incredulous and starting to feel hurt by what Erik was telling him. "So, you get hurt and the way you deal with it is trying to hurt me back? This is childish and low. This is not you, Erik."

"Now I know it was stupid. But at the time it helped lessen the hurt. I thought you should be up to the same with Hellene so why couldn't I?"

"You know you played with fire. You might not like her in a romantic way but what if she does like you this way? You sleeping with her might make her think you like her the same way. You'll end up hurting her as well."

"She won't fall in love with me and I won't hurt her feelings either, don't worry."

"How can you be sure?"

"She was let down by love. She was deeply hurt because of it and she's kinda cold hearted when it comes to love. What we did is done. We keep being friends and go back to our lives."

"Was it worthy at least?"

"Honestly, it was pretty meaningless. For both of us. When I was with her all I could think was how it wasn't your lips I was kissing. How it wasn't you touching my skin. How I couldn't let my feelings show because I don't have any feelings for her. How it wasn't your moans I heard. How I didn't feel wanted like you make me feel. At some point I closed my eyes, wishing that when I'd open them again, it was you whom I'd see lying there. But it wasn't." Erik sighed. "It wasn't you. It just... It wasn't you."

"You let me down Erik. Maybe I should be pissed at your stupid payback attitude. But I know I can't. After all, this mess started by my mistake."

"And I surely didn't help by making an even worse mistake."

"This friends with benefits agreement is getting dangerous. We might have great times together but we're also getting hurt."

"So, what do you want to do?"

"I don't know." Jonas said. He really wasn't sure. They had both made mistakes. His mistake wasn't intentional but Erik's was and right now he too confused to take a decision. Erik's confession made his heart sink a little but Erik had been honest with him. He didn't pretend everything was alright while hiding a secret like many people would do. So Jonas couldn't be upset with him. "I think we'll have to figure this out. But not now. I'll go back to my place if you don't mind."

"Ok. If you need to talk or something just call me. I promise to pick up your call."

"Right."

Erik watched as Jonas got up from the couch and walked out the door. Their had reached a breaking point. It was clear to him that their friends with benefits agreement wasn't enough any longer. Erik wanted more than just having fun casually. He grew to like Jonas each time more. As friends they always got along superbly and since they became intimate what they had just turned into something wonderful. And now he wanted to be with Jonas for what he felt for him. He never thought he would fall in love with another man. But you can't choose these things. Erik knew he was in love with Jonas, there was no turning back.

The question was if Jonas felt the same way. But knowing Jonas’ stubbornness in admitting his feelings it was likely that they'd eventually get into some conflict about what they wanted. And after this recent misjudgment from Erik and mistakes from them both, it was clear they needed to talk and decide how things between them would stand once for all. Otherwise they'd end up only hurting each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated.


	29. "Taking its tool"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jonas and Erik try not to get affected by the recents events.
> 
> Hope you like this chapter. Let me know your thoughts.

Chapter 29 - Taking its tool

As soon as he sat on his car seat Jonas cursed loudly out of frustration. He was feeling slightly hurt but not to the point of bothering him. After all, Erik was also feeling hurt and his actions were a result of how he felt. Jonas was sad but he knew nothing would have happened if he hadn't kissed Hellene in the first place. Even Erik having made a bad mistake afterwards he couldn't be mad at him.

Because after all, Erik wasn't his. He never were. Jonas couldn't expect him to be when he was the one who choose to have this friends with benefits relationship. Matze was right when saying that he shouldn't take Erik for granted. He still remembered promising himself that he wouldn't let himself fall in love with Erik. And yet, he watched as he slowly fell in love for the blonde.

Once Erik had asked him if what they had was being enough for him. At the time, yes. Now? Not anymore. But he was too afraid to admit anything. He knew he wasn't Erik's first choice. His first choice was getting together with a woman. So he'd ended being the second choice if they'd ever get serious. What if he couldn't make Erik happy?

Then there was Sophia. Once Erik had said that he and her were just friends that nothing would ever happen. And well, it ended up happening. So, the next time Jonas and Erik get into some misunderstanding, argument or something, who guarantees that he won't go to her again for 'comfort'?

Jonas realized that their friends with benefits thing was hanging by a thread. And that was what hurt him. Now that he was used to what they had and feeling so attached to Erik, he didn't want this to end. But if theyI would kept getting hurt like that then maybe it was for the best if it got to an end.

Jonas didn't like the thought of it at all. So he decided to put these thoughts aside. He remembered he had to go shopping for groceries, as he used to do all Sundays when the team didn't have a match to play.

Once he got everything he needed, he double checked to see if he hadn't forgotten anything. He usually ended up forgetting something. When he was sure he had everything he needed he paid for it and headed to his car. He was putting the bags on the trunk when another car parked beside his.

It would be just another costumer, nothing out of normal. If it wasn't for the fact that the person that got out of that car was the last he expected to see. Sophia. She also got surprised when she saw him there.

"Oh... This is awkward..." She kind of hummed when she walked past him.

"You made it awkward."

"Did I? Because I wasn't the one kissing my ex boyfriend in front of my actual boyfriend." She said turning her attention to him. "If you have no intention of committing to Erik then you should stop giving him false hopes and let him go."

"I'm sorry but I don't see how this is any of your business."

"Oh, but it's. It's totally my business when he shows up at my door hurt and crying over what you did."

"I talked to him. He knows it was a misunderstanding, that I didn't mean that."

"But he didn't know it back then. You broke his heart and it ended up being up to me to mend it."

"I heard it. Erik told me. Such a unique way of helping a friend. Do you use to help your friends that way?"

"Ok, I take that you're hurt for what you and Erik are going through right now so I'll ignore what you're implying. But no, just Erik. He was feeling bad and needed a distraction. Actually, I didn't start it. He was the one who kissed me first. Then we went from there. It just worked." Sophia said to Jonas annoyance. "Look, Erik was supposed to be with you last night. But he wasn't because you messed up and he ended up at my door. So we kinda bounded over feeling hurt and then it happened. In a moment we were kissing. Then in the next we..."

"That's enough. I don't need to hear anymore."

"Am I feeling guilty? Maybe. I know the circumstance wasn't right. He was seeking for payback. Some way to relieve the hurt he was feeling. I don't exactly like to be part of this mess but so what? Do you think I regret it? Absolutely not."

"What now? We turn this into a competition and see who wins Erik's heart?" Jonas asked kind of sarcastically.

"What happened between me and Erik was a one night stand. We can't never say never but it probably won't happen again. I don't want him. Between you and me, you're the one who wants him. But it doesn't look like you do. Anyway, that's not my problem. My problem right now is that I'm running late. I still have a flight to catch in about an hour."

"I'd appreciate if you could keep it a secret. About me and Erik."

"If you refer to the fact that I'm a journalist, you have nothing to worry about. I deal with sports and not with gossips, Jonas. Now, if you excuse me, I gotta go."

Jonas nodded and watched as she went inside the supermarket. At some points she was right but he still didn't like or trusted her. He finished putting the bags in the trunk and drove home.

Through the week they ended up staying away from eatch other. As it was international duty on the weekend the training sessions were lighter and they would have the weekend off. On the next week Jonas and Erik met and talked about random things along other team mates. They never got time to be alone. But even if they got the chance it was most likely they'd avoid it. On the days off they didn't meet either. They were just living their lives apart normally, trying to get over what had happened. It wasn't easy, they were both upset but maybe some time apart would do them good.

Except it didn't. As days went by they would usually find themselves alone, at each of their places, thinking about the other. Missing one another really bad but their pride kept them from sending a message, from calling or to even visit the other.

Eventually the distance started to take its tool on them. The happiness they used to have was replaced by sadness. Which they managed to disguise at first but then it became apparent. Some team mates noticed their despondent appearance and started to make a few questions here and there. Marco, Matze and Mats, the only ones who knew about them tried to help somehow but got shut down.

It didn't take long till their issues started to reflect on pitch. They weren't managing to build up plays together as they were used to. The media who had noticed their often collaborations and praised them, now also noticed the recent disharmony between and were speculating reasons for that. Fortunately, none of their speculations came close to the real reason.

Their first match on December was against Wolfsburg. And they lost it. 2-0 for the wolves. Borussia's creativity failed miserably. Erik had started the match and Jonas was on the bench. When the first half ended they were already loosing by 1-0. Tuchel then put Jonas in for the second half, expecting he and Erik could improve the team's creativity on the right side. Most of the times it worked. But giving the fact that they weren't getting along well lately, it wasn't a surprise that Tuchel's plan didn't work this time.

Around the 86th minute Borussia had a clear change to equalize the match. Erik had the ball and could try a long pass for Jonas who could run ahead of the opponent towards the goal. But Erik choose to make a pass to someone else. Borussia ended up loosing the ball and conceding another goal. Jonas and Erik ended up arguing on the changing room afterwards.

"You had one job, Erik! Why the hell didn't you make the pass to me?"

"Why would I? You were offside."

"No, I wasn't. I was in perfect position to get the ball and run towards the goal. We would have the best opportunity to equalize the match but you screwed it. Congrats."

"From where I was, you were ahead of the opponent. So I judged it'd be a wasted opportunity and decided to pass to someone else in better position. It didn't work, so what? At least I tried something other than an offside player."

"I was on the same line as the defensor." Jonas snapped. "Don't you realize your judgments, or better yet, your misjudgments made you commit awful mistakes lately?"

"Don't you dare go there. You have no right to turn the blame on me." Erik snapped back. Some of their team mates that hadn't left yet noticed something was going on and watched them. "If my judgment sucks so does your lack of communication. You keep things that you should say out loud to yourself. What am I supposed to do? To guess what goes on in your mind? I don't have a cristal ball. If you expect me to be some kind of God, who doesn't make mistakes, then you should start making things clear."

"You want me to make things clear? Ok. How about this?" Jonas stepped closer to him. "We are DONE!"

"That's just FINE with me. I don't need a friend that stabs me on the back."

"That's GREAT. I don't need a friend that seeks payback for a mistake I didn't make." Jonas said, picked up his backpack and left in hurry. And as if he wasn't feeling bad enough already, on his way out of the stadium his path crossed with Sophia's.

Erik finished changing clothes under curious gazes from a few team mates. But he ignored any attempt of being questioned. He headed straight home and didn't even bothered having dinner. He wasn't hungry. He was torn in a mix of feelings between bittersweet, pissed off, angst and hurt. He tossed and turned on his bed but no matter what he couldn't sleep.

Some blocks away from there, on Jonas place, the brunette was lying on his bed, starring at a blank space of an open message on his phone. He wanted to write something for Erik but didn't know how to start. The stress of loosing a match got to him and he had said things he shouldn't have.

It was almost midnight but he knew Erik would probably be having trouble to sleep just as him. He had been staring at his phone's screen for around ten minutes. He'd start writing something but then ended up erasing it. Again and again. At some point he couldn't take it anymore and decided to swallow his pride and text Erik.

 _From: Jonas_  
_Hey. I just wanted to say sorry for earlier today. It was pathetic of me._

 _From: Erik_  
_Hi. I'm sorry too. Me being an idiot surely didn't help. I watched the highlights of the match. You were right, you weren't offside. I screwed our best chance of at least getting a draw._

 _From: Jonas_  
_It's okay. It happens. You can't always notice from afar when it's actually offside. It has been tough lately but that's no excuse for what I said. I know it's been tough for you as well._

 _From: Erik_  
_I said things I shouldn't have either. It sucks... It feels so lonely here right now. I guess you spolied me after sleeping next to me many times. Suddenly, it just feels strange without you here._

 _From: Jonas_  
_I miss that too. It's just... can I call you?_

Jonas expected Erik's asnwer but his cellphone ringed instead. Erik called him. Jonas picked up but the blonde didn't say anything at first. Jonas just listened to Erik's calm breathing for a while. Then Jonas broke the silence.

"I just can't stand the way things are any longer."

"Me neither. We need to talk. To let things clear once for all. I'm sick of these misjudgments and mistakes that only hurt us."

"You're right. We're letting it go too far. To the point of letting it affect us on the pitch. And after that argument we had in the changing room I bet people might be getting suspicious about what's going on between us."

"Can we go back to good? I don't know when we'll be able to take time and have proper and serious talk but I hate not having even your friendship. It has been a month already that we barely talk. I'll eventually be okay if we have to end for good our friends with benefits. But to loose this great friendship we have, I wouldn't be okay. I couldn't take it."

"We've been through enough hurt. Lets put what happened behind us and move on. How about that?"

"I'd love that. It means you forgive me for what I did?"

"Of course. We all do mistakes but we always forgive the ones we deeply care about. I hope you can forgive me too."

"Yes, I forgive you. How could I not? I miss you, Jonas. I miss us. Things may go back to normal slowly but the important is that they go back to normal."

"I miss you and us too, Erik. We should just let it be and see how it goes"

"Ok." Erik said in the middle of a yawn. "I need to sleep now. Too tired."

"Sleep well. Good night.

"Night."

Before the next training session, two days later, Tuchel called them aside to reprehend both of them for their behavior in the changing room. Saying he had already talked to them in Bad Ragaz, that this second time now was a warning and if there's ever a third time, they'd be suspended for one match, at least.

The boys agreed and headed to the training. Things started to get better. Now that they left the hurt past them, willing to make things go back tp good, they were getting along again. More relaxed towards each other, making jokes and finally creating chances together on the training.

On the work things was getting back to normal, but outside they were still afraid. They didn't exactly talked but they knew they'd have to make an important decision soon: to put an end to their friends with benefits or not. Either way, it wasn't an easy decision and no matter what they decided it probably wouldn't be satisfying for neither of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated. They give me extra motivation and inspiration to keep writing this story.


	30. "Let him go"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boys have been underestimating their feelings long enough. It's about time for changes. Time for the next step... Or maybe to go the other way around.
> 
> So, this is chapter 30.... Wait! WHAT!? Omg, I can't believe we're in chapter 30. When I first started to think about writing this story I didn't even imagine reaching chapter 10. And yet here I'm with the 30th and there are many more chapters to come.
> 
> I'm very thankful for the almost 3000 hits, for each kudo you gave me, for each comment you left me. Keep them coming. I always look forward to know what you're thinking of this story. And to know it keeps me motivated and inspared.
> 
> So, a huge
> 
> Obrigado - Gracias - Danke - Merci - Grazie -Thanks.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter.

Chapter 30 - Let him go

Their next match was against a Greek team for Europe league at home. They won't 4x0 without any issues. Jonas scored his first goal in that competition assisted by Erik. Their celebration wasn't as cheerful as it used to be. They just greeted with a high-five before heading back to their positions.

The last home match of 2015 was against Eintracht Frankfurt. Erik had started the match along Jonas but around the 20th minute he got a knock to the knee. Erik had to leave the match with Piszczek replacing him. He went straight to the changing room, putting some ice around the painful knee and watched the rest of the match from there.

With that knock to the knee Erik was ruled out of the last match of the year and was also released from the remaining trainings before the winter break. So he took the opportunity and went back to Pirmasens to visit his family and old friends. His parents had already planned their trip for the end of the year and once Erik heard it he immediately agreed on going on that trip as well.

But before joining his parents he had two things to do. Travel to Munique to talk to Sophia. It was important stuff, he couldn't just talk over the phone. And then go back to Dortmund and wait for Jonas to come back, along the team, from the away match in Köln, so they could talk and decide what they would do. Erik had his decision done. He knew what he wanted. But he also knew Jonas would want something different. Erik feared they would have to get to a conclusion that none of them liked but maybe it was for the best.

Friday morning he caught a flight to Munich. Once Sophia had told him she used play tennis every morning at a tennisclub a few blocks away from Bayern's training center, so he headed straight to the tennisclub. He indeed found her there playing against a friend.

He stopped by and watched her playing. It was cold, almost snowing, but she didn't seem to mind. She was very focused on the 'match'. He watched her for about 15 minutes and he could see she was good. Her play style was a bit aggressive, a hard hitter, putting a lot of speed and power on her shots, making the opponent run from one side to another after the ball very often. A few times she slowed the speed with some drop shots. For someone as thin as she was, Erik was suprised to see she had such good strength. He smiled at the times she got impatient whenever she made a mistake or couldn't reach the ball.

Once it was over she greeted her opponent and walked away. Erik waved at her and she finally noticed him there. She ran to where he was standing.

"Wow, what I nice supporter I have here."

"You're pretty good. I'd definitely buy a ticket to see you play. But crazy, though. Don't you think it's too cold for outdoor activities? You could catch a cold."

"Thank you. Yes, it's quite cold but running, moving and playing tennis helps keeping me from freezing. It's a bit colder than I'm used to. And since you're here I'd love to challenge you but I heard about your knee. How is it?" She asked as they headed to the lockers room.

"It got a knock. It's getting better but I'll be out of the last match of the year."

"I'm very surprised to see you here in Munich. Lost your way home? Or maybe, considering we're relatively near Bayern's training ground, that offer is still open and you decided to take it."

"None of both. I love playing for Borussia and wouldn't change that for anything."

"I know. I was just kidding. But I wonder what you're doing here."

"I wanted to talk to you."

"It must be very important for you to come all the way here. I'm staying on the same hotel where we first met. Can you meet me there in about 1 hour? I've been playing tennis for some time, so I'm sweaty and need a shower."

"Ok. I'll meet you there. See you."

Once they met again they decided to visit Marienplatz. Erik used his hooded leather jacket to disguise himself a little bit. He ended up being recognized by a few people but it was expected. He attended their pictures requests and afterwards kept walking with Sophia while they talked about many things.

When Sophia stopped by a clothing store Erik took the opportunity and went to a nearby chocolate store. He choose a box of chocolates, paid for it and waited for Sophia. When she got out of the clothing store he handed the box to Sophia.

"What?" She asked surprised, not knowing why he was giving her the box of chocolates.

"I guess I own you an apology. I hope you accept these chocolates as part of it."

"Thanks, it's nice of you. You're spoiling me and I love it. However, apologize for what exactly?"

"For that night. I had personal issues and ended up involving you in the middle of them. It wasn't right and I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Let's have lunch so we can talk properly."

At the restaurant they choose a booth in the far corner where it didn't attract much attention. When they got their food, Sophia continued the conversation Erik had started minutes ago.

"About that night, I'm over that and you should move on too."

"That's what I'm trying to do. I like you and I just don't want you to dislike me for what happened. I feel bad for getting you involved. I hope you don't think any less of me."

"I don't have a reason to. If I had feelings for you and you mislead me then I'd be pretty mad at you. But I don't. So, why would I hold grudges? It's in the past, so just forget about it. Unless, it's still affecting you. How are things going between you and Jonas?"

"I couldn't hide what happened between us from Jonas and he told me that he didn't mean the kiss with his ex. Things got bad for a while but at least recently we decided to forgive each other."

"Oh dear... Now I'm feeling bad for standing in between you two."

"Please don't. I'm the one at fault. I'm the one to blame here." Erik ate a bit of steak, and took a sip of his coke before continuing. "But the reason why I came here is completely different. My parents usually like to make a trip on the end of the year and celebrate the new year's eve in a different place."

"Where are they going this time?"

"Rio de Janeiro."

"Rio? Really? It's awesome."

"My parents wants to experience the famous Copacabana new year's eve fireworks party. And after winning the World Cup there I want to go back there and get to know better the city. After all, I have great memories from there that I'll keep in my heart for the rest of my life."

"It sounds fun. I bet religious the way you're you'll want to visit the famous 'Christ the Redeemer' statue."

"That would be fantastic. I would love to do that."

"Yeah... I just don't see what part I'm supposed to play on this. I mean, for you to come all the way here, you must be up to something."

"I wanted to invite you to come along."

"Wow. Really?" Sophia was surprised but still joked. "As a friend or a tour guide?"

"As a friend of course."

"Great choice. Me as a tour guide would get us all lost there."

"But it's your hometown."

"So what? I was never an outgoing person. I know some places but surely couldn't go by as a tour guide. Anyway, don't you think you should take Jonas with you, instead?"

"It's not a good timing. I'm considering ending our friends with benefits agreement. We were supposed to just have fun but we really like each other. I'm willing to give it a try and turn it into something official but Jonas can't even admit his feelings, he doesn't want anything official. And our different wishes has just hurt us lately."

"Then this could be the perfect opportunity for you two to get things right. You could enjoy the city together and have some time for yourselves."

"I think it's better that we take a break from each other, stay away for a while. Give time for Jonas to think what he wants. And since my parents are going, we wouldn't have time for us. So, I would love if you'd come with me and my parents and visit some touristic places."

"Actually, I can't go with you and your family because I'll be already by the time you'll travel. I have to cover Bayern's last match of the year and then I'll flight back home next Sunday. But yes, I accept your invitation and we can meet in Rio. Although, I still think you should consider inviting Jonas."

"I'll think about it."

"I already have some ideas of what we could do in Rio. I hope you like some adventure because I thought of something I bet you've never done before but you'll probably love it. That is, if you actually have the courage to do it."

"To do what?" Erik asked curious.

"Suprise. I'll make some arrangements. But I promise you, it's something amazing."

"Ok, then I'm looking forward to that."

Erik watched the last match of the year in a friend's house. Borussia played against Köln. They won once again, keeping the first place on the table, 4 points ahead of Bayern. The first half of the season was over and this time they could get into the winter break relaxed. Totally different from the chaos that was the last season.

Borussia may have won but Jonas’ didn't have a good match himself. He was on the bench through the first half but his mind was miles away. He didn't pay much attention to what was going on. He was taken by anxiety about his situation with Erik. He had decided what he'd do but the more he thought about it, the more it crushed him. Tuchel put him to play around the 70th minute but Jonas didn't got to do much. He'd easily get distracted by his personal issues.

On the next day Erik and Jonas met at Matze's place. Bürki and Julian also joined them for a barbecue and since there was a Real Madrid match on TV they watched it together. When it was time to leave, Erik and Jonas wished the others good holidays once they'd probably meet again just when the training would return. Erik gave Jonas a ride home.

Erik was about to drive to his own place when Jonas invited him in. Erik felt a little nervous because he knew what was coming but that doesn't mean he was ready for it.

He followed Jonas to the kitchen. The brunnette poured himself a glass of water and sat on the table. Erik sat on a chair near Jonas, facing him. The brunette looked down, playing with his fingers, without saying anything. Erik saw Jonas needed some encouragement so he just put his hand on the brunette's thigh stroking it in a caressing way.

"It's okay. I know we both won't like it but it's necessary."

"It's just that there's no easy way to say it. I think it's time to..." Jonas paused and took a sip of his water. "To let you go."

When their eyes met again Erik could see that what Jonas said and wanted were total opposed things. He wasn't surprised but that didn't mean that he wasn't upset. After all, you are never really prepared for a break up. It was necessary but tough to go through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh NO!!!!!  
> So... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very much appreciated.


	31. Everything has changed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jonas just talked about letting Erik go. Now they can't avoid this much needed and long awaited talk. It's time for them to face their feelings.
> 
> Yay, finally the chapter we've been all looking for ... Although....
> 
> A song for this chapter: "The scientist - Coldplay"
> 
> Hope you enjoy it. Let me know your thoughts.

Chapter 31 - Everything has changed

"Sorry, there's no better way I can say this without hurting you." Jonas said.

"Don't worry. I know it's hard for you as well. And I also know that this is not what we really want but it's for the best. I've been thinking about it lately and I agree that it's better to end this now. We've been hurt already and it's better to avoid any further damage to our friendship. I don't want to give up what we have but it's better to do that than risk our friendship to a point where we can't fix it any longer."

"I'm kinda feeling guilty about this friends with benefits I suggested."

"Why would you feel this way? Are you starting to regret it?"

"No. I'm starting to realize that I made you go through such a huge chance in your life. That I'm standing between you and your dreams. I'm afraid of making you give up things you always wanted because of me. And then in the future get to a point where I can't make you happy. Where you get disappointed and starts to regret ever being with me. This is a responsibility that I'm not ready to take. I don't want to carry the weight of your unhappiness on my shoulders."

"You worry to much, Jonas. And you know, it could also happen the other way around. Leaving to go after my dream of becoming a father and having my own family and maybe it doesn't work and I end up unhappy and regret having ever giving up on us and what it could have been."

"It just that suddenly it doesn't feel right what I did. You were happily living your life and out of the blue I show up at your door one night and make things go upside down. What right did I have to do that? To expect you'd be prepared to do something you had never even considered? And I still surprised that you accepted it. Why?"

"Because I liked you. I always did. Since the first day we met. We got along very well since our very first interaction. Yes, I wasn't prepared for how things happened that night, but knowing the great friendship we have it didn't seem a bad thing to cross that line. And if we were to go back in time, I wouldn't change anything."

"You just used the verb 'to like' in the past. Why would you do that?"

"Because I don't like you any more." He said and Jonas opened his mouth to say something back but Erik reached out to Jonas’ hand and intertwined their fingers. "The thing is: I'm way beyond liking you."

"Does that mean that you..."

"Yes, Jonas Hofmann, I love you. At first I was afraid of falling in love with you. Because I thought it was only a one night stand and then things would go back to as they were before so I couldn't afford getting attached but feared it could happen. But then we got close and it kept happening again and I just decided to let it be. I don't have any problem admitting that I'm in love with such a wonderful person that you are, Jonas. That I treasure every minute I spend with you. Be it silly moments, exciting moments, happy moments or moments when things doesn't go right and we support each other. I never felt so wanted as you make me feel. And believe me, I want you just as much. So yes, I fucking love you, idiot." Erik smiled. He kept looking up into his blue eyes through every word he spoke.

"So, now it's my time to talk about how I feel?"

"When I ask you about how you feel, I don't want to push you. I don't want you to say anything that you don't mean. I just want to know how we stand. To avoid misunderstandings. We've been through it twice already. This last one was awful for us and also because we could've gotten Hellene and Sophia hurt as well. And honestly, this month we spent apart was the worst since we've been kind of together. There were times when I'd wake up in the middle of the night searching for you lying next to me on my bed only to find emptiness."

"If you already know the asnwer why do keep asking?"

"Because I want to hear you say it. If you love someone you should tell them. You never know what could happen, tomorrow may never come."

"Jesus, Erik, this is creepy."

"But could happen. What if when I go home later I end up getting involved in a car crash and something happens to me? I'll never know what the man I love feels towards me."

"For God's sake! Don't you say something like that ever again!" Jonas spoke and knocked on the table's wood three times. He wasn't exactly superstitious but considering that hypothesis he'd rather protect against any bad luck.

"Just saying... Anyway, you don't have to say that you love me if you don't. I told you that I love you and I meant it. It's 100% true. It's okay if you don't feel exactly the same way. But please tell me something, anything about what you feel for me. So I could at least have an idea of how far you'd want things between us to go."

"Alright. Forgive me if I trip into words or if it makes no sense." Jonas took a few deep breaths and felt Erik tightening the hold on his hand, their fingers still intertwined. "I was too damn naive to think we could go through the things we did and that nothing would chance. The truth is: everything has changed. Being with you was even better than I expected. You make me feel good, you make me happy and it gets lonely when we're apart. And at the same time it kinda scares me. No one has ever made me feel so good, so encaptured as you do. It's hard for me to admit it out aloud because I don't know how to deal with this. Yes, I like you more than I should. Yes, I fell in love with you. But no, I'm not prepared for a serious homosexual relationship. I'd rather stick to the casual but as we both know, it's not being enough any longer."

"No, it's not and that's why we're getting hurt. Our expectations doesn't match. Like, one wants more than the other is willing to give. I don't know why but for a while I was under the illusion that you were mine. Once I could think straight again after seeing you with Hellene, it was when I realized that you were never mine to begin with."

"I think it's a little odd how you doesn't seem to worry about getting into a relationship like this. I wonder if you actually have been through it before."

"You know I haven't. You're my first and only, Jonas. Of course I have fears and worries as well. After all is a new situation, one that I never expected to be going through. But one that I'm loving because it's you. There might be bumps on the road because whether we like it or not, there will be someone making a mean comment about two players having a relationship. And we might feel affect and not able to ignore it because we don't have cold blood. However, at the end, they don't know anything about what really goes on, some people don't understand love. And I'm not gonna let anything stand between me and my happiness. I'm not gonna let anything stop me from being happy with the person I love. Genders doesn't matter when it comes to love. Love is stronger and always wins."

"Erik, honestly, are you really ready to commit to another man?"

"Honestly? Probably not but I'm sure that I want to try. I'd love to give it a try. To give us a try. But I understand you're not ready so don't worry, I won't push you. You're right, it's time for us to let go of this friends with benefits. It's not easy because I know neither of us want this but it's gonna be worse if we insist on something which we have different expectations."

"I'm sorry, Erik. I never thought things could gets this complicated. I'm sorry that I left you wanting more than I can give you."

"Shsh! There's nothing for you be sorry about." Erik said and let go of Jonas’ hand for the first time in several minutes. He got up on his feet and, since Jonas was sitting close to the edge of the table, he stood between Jonas’ legs, and held the brunette's face between his hands, keeping their faces close. "We can't control theses things, it's not your fault. Let's be just friends again. Enough putting our friendship at risk."

"Ok. Gosh, it's such bad timing for us to be confessing our feelings.'

"I know. I wish the circumstances were much better. But it has to be this way. Of course I wouldn't mind if we could continue doing it but eventually we'd get stuck. The same routine: go on with our own lives, meet and have sex only to go back to our normal lives the next day. And doing it again and again and again. We'd be running in circles, going nowhere. Till when would we be going like that? Why should we keep doing this if it's never going to get serious? You know that we deserve better. We can have better."

"Lets just break up and see how things will go." Jonas said. He got a little insecure and afraid but he had to ask something. "I just need to know... Is it definitive? Are we ending it with no way back?"

"Jonas, I'm not giving up on us. And I hope you don't give up either. I'm just giving you time to think about things. If you decide to just be friends it'll be okay. I rather lose the benefits than the friend. However, if you ever decide to give us a chance then you know where to find me." Before stepping away from him, Erik gave a peck on his lips. "For now I gotta head home."

"Wait!" Jonas said when Erik started to make his way to the door. "I can't let you go."

"What? Is there something you want to tell me?"

"I mean, you shouldn't go home tonight. You should stay over."

"Why?"

"The thing you said that maybe something could happen on your way back home."

"I didn't really mean it to be serious. It's a possibility but hardly anything will happen, don't worry. I never knew you were superstitious."

"I'm not really superstitious. But I've heard stories of people who said something that way, more like a joke, but that ended up having something bad happening to them."

"It's sweet of you to worry about me but nothing is gonna happen. Relax."

"I rather not risk it. You know, better safe than sorry." Jonas said and held the blonde's hand. "Stay, please."

"How am I supposed to say no when you ask me like that?"

"You aren't." Jonas smiled at him.

"Ok, I'll stay. But just because you asked. And not for the silly superstitious thing."

Jonas grabbed his laptop and they both sat on hia couch. They spent some time listening to music together, watching some funny videos on youtube, reading some news and chatting.

Later Jonas went through the TV channels searching for a movie they could watch together. They choose a comedy one and shared some good laughs through it.

As they watched the movie, Erik noticed Jonas leaning towards him, moving closer a few times. Until a time when he felt Jonas’ hand on his tight and from there reaching his crotch, grabbing it through the jeans. Usually he wouldn't mind but not this time.

"Jonas, don't. Haven't we just agreed on stopping this?"

"I know, I just can't help it. Could we just do it for one last time. Like a goodbye sex.

"As much as I like the idea of pushing you on this couch and get it going right here, I'll have to say no. Don't you get the point of what we just talked? I want more than just sex for fun. It might sound a little selfish but this is for you too, I want the best for you. So no, we're never having sex again." Erik said. Jonas was about to speak something back but Erik put his finger over the brunette's lips to stop him. "If we get to have another chance, I want us to make love, not just sex."

"I see no difference. In the end it's the same thing."

"No, it's not. At least not how I see it. I mean, when you have sex with someone, love isn't necessary involved. It could be just for fun, out of physical attraction, just like it was for us in the beginning. However, when I think about making love, I believe it's to allow yourself to be guided by your feelings. To let your heart speak louder and guide you. Of course there's fun on it as well but above all, the priority is letting what we feel for each other be what matters the most."

"Wow... You're really taking it very seriously."

"Yes, I am. I want things to happen and develop naturally as in a serious relationship. And not to go on an 'automatic mode' as it has been happening just for fun, not going anywhere and bound to get stuck at some point. It's not enough anymore and I want more, I want to give you more than just casual fun. However, you're not ready or maybe you don't even want it that serious so I'm not pushing you. Ending this friends with benefits now is for the best. Some time apart might be good, give us time to think."

"I think that going back to just being friends won't be enough either. It's all my fault. I put you in this and now I can't keep up with the consequences. You warned me it could get complicated, we could end up having feelings and I didn't take your word for it."

"I didn't take my own words either. I knew the risks and yet I accepted it. But I don't regret a single minute we spent together. Like I told you once, I've never imagined that one day I'd get in some sort of relationship with another man. Now I'm glad I did and I'm even more glad that it was with you. Thank you so much for the moments we shared. It was wonderful."

"You keep saying these nice things to me and it makes me wonder if you really want to break up."

"Honestly, it's been hard having this conversation with you tonight, I wish we weren't going through this but we have to. It won't work if we want different kinds of relationship. But don't worry, whatever happens, we'll be okay. We're great friends and still work together, nothing will change that. We'll be always around each other."

"Do you really think things can go back as they where before?"

"Not exactly as they were but why not better? What we had brought us closer as friends as well after you been away. We're even better friends now." Erik said and then hugged Jonas. "Stop worrying about it. We have the winter break to enjoy, get some rest and relax. You shouldn't waste time thinking about whatever is going on between us."

"I won't. Things will be okay, right?"

"They will, Jonas. Don't worry."

Erik realized that he wasn't just trying to reassure Jonas but himself as well. That things would be okay, he knew it would because it couldn't go any worse, could it? After all, they were parting in good ways. What he wasn't sure of was if it would be okay trying to maintain a normal friendship with him despite having these feelings, having to bottle them up. Could he ignore them? Or how long would it take till he couldn't resist keeping what he felt to himself?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though their decision, things are about to get exciting within the next chapters.  
> So... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated.


	32. "Here without you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for the winter break holidays. In this chapter we see how Jonas is doing after the break up.
> 
> So, this chapter is fully on Jonas’ point of view. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it. Let me know your thoughts. Feedback is very appreciated.

Chapter 32 - Here without you

Jonas spent Christmas in his hometown with his parents and old friends. As much as he loved football, he liked to take a break from anything related to it once in a while. But even more now when the first thing we could relate to it that would come to his mind was Erik. As much as he wanted avoid thinking about him, Jonas would find himself thinking about them.

Remembering how they had broken up. Jonas didn't know why it didn't feel real. The penny still hadn't dropped. Like, he still had hopes that when they'd meet again, things would still be good, that they still could keep sharing intimate moments. He didn't want to believe it was over. Because, somehow, it wasn't. How could it be suddenly over when they both knew they had feelings towards each other? They couldn't just bury them as if it was nothing.

It overwhelmed him hearing Erik saying that he loved him. Not that he was surprised, after all, unlike him, the blonde didn't try to hide what he felt. Now that he thought about it, he could notice the evident difference between the first and the last night they shared together. In the first night Erik was insecure, mostly following whatever he said. On the last Erik was self confident, at ease, showing Jonas through kisses, touches and a few words, how much he treasured being with him. Meanwhile, they were strengthening their friendship. It was becoming stronger, bigger than the misunderstandings they faced. Because even feeling sad or hurt they knew that being apart would only make it worse.

So, basically, Erik said with all the words that he wanted to be with him. In a serious commitment. He wondered how Erik could be ready for it. He, Jonas, was afraid. And yet, he couldn't say for sure what he was exactly afraid of. So, he thought that doing some researches on internet about homosexual relationships could help. He read many experiences, some that worked and some that didn't. And it confused him a bit how the stories could be relatively different. Some could be happy, some struggled to be happy together, others fell apart for lack of acceptance and support of family and friends, and the ones who were, for some reason, too afraid of assuming a relationship of this kind even if that meant they were denying themselves happiness.

In the end, the research didn't exactly help him much. How was he supposed to make such a huge decision that would change his life based on strangers' stories? And no matter what, these stories were never equal. He couldn't just read one and expect to follow it step by step. No one's life was equal to another person's life. Even a small detail could make a huge difference on the way how things happens. So, he definitely couldn't create expectations based on somene else's experience.

He then considered coming out, as bi, to his parents. If he was really willing to get into a serious commitment with Erik then he needed to start getting ready somehow. What better way than having his family support to begin with. To be honest, though, he didn't know how they'd react. They had never talked openly with him about homosexuality. So he wasn't sure if they were okay but never minded discussing it because it had never been the case of their family. Or if they were against it and never bothered wasting time with something that wasn't worth of their opinion.

Either way, he wanted to know if they'd support him in case he decided to give a chance for him and Erik. On the night of December 24th, he had dinner with his parents. They talked about a lot of things. He was happy to see how proud of him they were for the great season he was having ao far, with the team doing great and for his goals and assists. At some point he started to feel anxious with the need of express his biggest worry at the moment.

Then he had an idea. He decided to create an hypothetical situation. He really wanted to know their opinions but wasn't ready to reveal that it was about himself. So, he'd just say that he wanted to help a friend that wanted to come out to his parents but didn't know how to, not sure if he'd have support. It was a way to test their reaction. And maybe, who knows, if they were positive about this topic he'd have the courage to tell them that he was actually talking about himself.

However, it didn't go as he expected. When he was about to say something his mother interrupted him. Once again to mention Hellene and how much she liked her. He sighed and rolled his eyes. Seeing how she still had hopes they could get back together Jonas gave up trying to talk about what he had wanted. But he made sure to emphasize often how Hellene was a friend to him. He hoped this time his mother would get the hint.

Later he excused himself and headed to the bedroom. To his old bedroom where he spent his childhood and teenagers years. A place where he had started having dreams about playing football since an early age. And through the years these dreams became stronger. He had wanted to be a professional player and play for a big German team. He spent his teenagers years working hard for that to happen. Still having in mind that his studies were the priority. Sometimes it was tough to reconcile both but he managed it and did good in both.

He played for Hoffenheim's younger team for some years. He was a few months away from turning 19 when he first got to know that Borussia was interested on him. At first to play on the second team. That didn't matter, he said yes right away. He knew if he kept doing a good job then it'd be matter of time for him to reach the main team. The opportunity to play for such huge team was all he ever wanted and he took it looking to make the best of it.

Leaving his family behind was the hardest part of moving into a new city. Moving to a new team also wasn't easy but he didn't have issues. He got along with his team mates since the first day. He liked the city right away and was even able to rent a flat, a few minutes away from the training ground, faster than usual. So, considering all the difficulties he could face moving into a new city and a new team, things went on smoothly. But the same didn't happen for a young blonde haired, green eyed boy.

Jonas still remembered perfectly the day he first met Erik. It was a year later, he was heading into his second season for BVBII. On the first day of training he met a few new team mates. Between them there was this very quiet guy, with curious eyes, that for a moment reminded Jonas of a lost puppy. He felt sympathy for the boy right from the first time he saw him.

_The players reunited on the training pitch and made a circle. As the coach gave them instructions Jonas looked at the boy a few times. And in one of these times their eyes met. Jonas smiled at him and the boy slowly returned it with a shy smile. The coach told them to warm up in pairs and Jonas just knew what to do. He headed towards the new team mate._

_"Hi. I'm Jonas." He offered his hand for him to shake._

_"Hi. I'm Erik." The blonde replied in a low voice, shaking the brunette's hand._

_"Would you like to warm up with me?" He asked and Erik took a few seconds to answer. "I promise I don't bite." Jonas winked at him._

_"Yeah, sure. Don't mind if I look a little weird, I just don't deal very well with changes at first."_

_"Aren't we all afraid of changes? Having expectations but at the same time you don't know what you'll find in the new environment. Some people deal with it better than others." They started doing some warm up exercises together. "So don't worry if it's a little umcortamble at the beginning, it's normal. I've been here for a year and we all get along. You'll be very welcomed here. I'll introduce you to the guys and if you need anything, I'll be happy to help you."_

_"Thanks. I appreciate that." Erik said and smiled. Jonas saw him smiling genuinely for the first time. "Actually, do you think we can go out tonight and grab some food? I'm sorry it's too soon to use your help but I've been in the city for only 3 days, sleeping in a hotel, I already got lost a few times. So, yes, I might need some help."_

_"Sure thing. We'll go out for dinner. I'll make sure you don't get lost another time." Jonas comment made them both laugh._

_After they warmed up it was time for some running training. Jonas introduced Erik to Moritz Leitner and Leonardo Bittencourt. The four of them ran together and Erik got along with them as well._

_Through the first week since they met, Jonas and Erik got along very well. They grabbed dinner together almost every night where they had time to talk and discover that they had many common interests. Jonas could notice Erik getting more at easy towards him. He also used to give Erik a ride to the training ground and back to the hotel._

_After the second week, at one night, Jonas was alone in his flat, thinking about things. He remembered how Erik said he was struggling to find a good place to rent. There was one flat that he had liked but it was a bit far from his work place and slightly expensive. And Jonas had a spare bedroom. Suddenly, it was like putting 2 and 2 together. Jonas didn't like to be alone, he'd like to have a friend around. And Erik needed a place to stay because, after all, a hotel would never be comfortable if you have to stay for a long time._

_He made the decision. He'd invite Erik to stay on his place. Jonas knew Erik for only a couple weeks but he already liked him and felt like they could become best friends. After an afternoon training he found Erik playing basketball in a space reserved for that inside the building._

_They started to play a 1-1 game with Jonas having to block Erik from scoring. It wasn't easy since Erik was taller than him but he managed it a few times. They switched turns between attacking and defending. The last play they did, Jonas had the ball, dribbled Erik and scored a 3 point basket. Jonas celebrated it as if he had scored a football goal._

_"You know, I've been thinking." Jonas started, a little out of breath. "Since you still can't find a good place to rent, I think I found a solution."_

_"I'm all ears. Trying to find a place to stay is already stressing me. I think I'll continue in the hotel until something new shows up."_

_"You can't never feel comfortable in a hotel room. Even more if you stay for a long time. You've been to my place before."_

_"Yes, and..."_

_"And you know I have an spare room."_

_"So... Are you inviting me to stay on your place?"_

_"Yeah, I am. You get a more comfortable place to stay and I get a friend to share it with so I won't be forever alone there. It's a win-win situation."_

_"You've known me for less than a month and already trust me to share a place together? What if am I a bad guy? What if I'm evil?" Erik joked._

_"You're right, you know. Everytime I look at your puppy face I feel very terrified and scared."_

_"My puppy face? What the hell?" Erik punched him on the shoulder playfully and Jonas just laughed. "Seriously though, are you sure it's okay if I stay over?"_

_"Of course it's okay."_

_"Right, I'll accept your offer but only until I find myself a place to stay. And I'll help with the rent."_

_"Ok, no need to worry about that now. You're welcome to stay for as long as you need."_

_"Thank you so much." Erik said and hugged him. Jonas as surprised but hugged him back, not caring that they were both covered in sweat. "I was already sick of sleeping in a hotel room. I promise I'll be a good guest."_

_Erik stayed over Jonas’ place for four months. It helped them a lot to build the friendship they had nowadays. When he found a apartment to rent, a few blocks away from Jonas’, he decided to move out. It was also because Jonas was dating Hellene at the time and he didn't want to disturb them. As much as it was fun living with Jonas, it was time to move on. And for Jonas not sharing the flat with him anymore was tough. He had gotten used to their talks, laughs, jokes, silly arguments halfway fifa matches on videogame. Suddenly, it felt empty without him there. But at least they could visit each other often, so it wasn't so bad._

Back to the present time, these memories filled him with affection. It was incredible to se how much things changed through all these years they had known each other. If someone had told him back then how things between them were by now, he would have laughed at the biggest joke he had ever heard.

He was distracted from his memories by the message alert of his cellphone. He looked at the time, it was past midnight. Who would send him a message at this time...? Well, Erik, of course.

 _From: Erik_  
_Hey, Merry Christmas, Hofi._

 _From: Jonas_  
_Merry Christmas for you too. Funny enough, I was just thinking about you._

 _From: Erik_  
_Of course you are. When are you actually not thinking about me? ;)_

 _From: Jonas_  
_Getting a little cocky, aren't you? :D_

 _From: Erik_  
_Oh, I have my reasons to. Lol. I know you're missing me and not just in a friendly way. Am I right or am I damn right?_

 _From: Jonas_  
_Well, that's you saying it... But you're damn right._

 _From: Erik_  
_See, people usually can't resist to how handsome I am. Neither can you and I love that. :P But seriously, I miss you just as much._

 _From: Jonas_  
_Do you think we could meet again? I'm not in Dortmund right now but I'd go back if we could meet before the new year._

 _From: Erik_  
_I'd love to but I can't make it to Dortmund. Tomorrow, or actually giving it's past midnight, later tonight I'll travel outside the country with my parents. I'll just get back around January 2nd._

 _From: Jonas_  
_Where are you going to?_

 _From: Erik_  
_It's a secret. But you'll probably figure out soon. Anyway, I gotta sleep now. I just wanted to wish you Merry Christmas and to say that I miss you._

 _From: Jonas_  
_Miss you too. Have fun and good night._

 _From Erik_  
_'Night._

Two days later Jonas was surprised when he figured where Erik was. The blonde had posted a new picture on his instagram. It was a picture of him in a stadium, on the stands sitting beside Leonardo Bittencourt. There was a caption underneath.

_"Back to where my childhood dream became true. With my bro Leo. #Maracanã #RiodeJaneiro #weltmeister #happy #sunnysunday #Brazil"_

Still on that day Jonas saw other two new pictures. Another one that Erik posted on his instagram where he was on the pitch beside Neymar. And the other picture Leo posted on his account where Erik was having dinner at his place.

The next photo Erik posted, was two days later, when he visited 'Christ the Redeemer' statue. The photo was taken from an angle in which you could see the whole statue behind him since he was slightly afar from it. Erik had his arms wide open, just like the statue, and his Jesus tatoo was visible. He also tagged someone in the photo. Jonas got curious and clicked it to see who it was.

His heart clenched a little when he saw it was from Sophia. Most of her photos were about sports. And there were some bits of videos of her dancing, apparently for fun, with someone. By the captions Jonas assume it was her brother.

Her lasted picture posted was with Erik, still visiting the 'Christ, the Redeemer.' Jonas took a look on the newest video she posted as well. She was dancing the chorus of 'Shut up and and dance' by Walk the Moon. For Jonas’ dislike she wasn't dancing with her brother. It was with Erik, instead. In the caption was written:

_"I think I just got myself a new dancing partner #awesome"_

Jonas felt jealous and sad. Why had Erik taken Sophia with him to the trip? If Erik would be taking someone along then why didn't he invite him? Suddenly, the realization that Erik was picking Sophia over him started to sink in. It made him doubt things. Erik had just told him that he loved him. If that was really true then he should have invited him, not Sophia. Or maybe since he was afraid of making things serious, Erik was already moving on. Either way, Jonas was the one loosing here.

On the following day, the next thing Erik posted was an edited video. Jonas could barely believe what he was seeing. Erik was doing some radical 'sport'. Jonas wondered how Erik had had the courage to. The only caption was: "Freedom"

Erik seemed to be having the time of his life. Which made Jonas believe Erik had long forgotten him. As much as it bothered him, Jonas decided not to care anymore. He'd enjoy his last days off and forget about him. Erik was definitely not missing him at all.

However, Jonas was proven wrong when he was awakened by the sound of his cellphone ringing. It wasn't even 7am. It was Erik calling him. It was a little odd since by the time zone it was very early hours in Rio and Erik should be still sleeping.

The distance was also taking its tool on Erik. Jonas picked up the call of a sleepless Erik, near 4am in Rio, telling him how much he was missed. Erik told him a few more things that overwhelmed him and made Jonas feel better and more affection towards Erik.

To see how, that even being traveling with Sophia, Erik was still missing and thinking about him meant something. He stopped doubting Erik's words and felt happy again. They weren't going to be spending the new Year's eve together but he knew they'd have each other in their minds till they could meet again.

His plan for the New Year's eve was to spend it with family and friends (including Hellene) in his hometown. But suddenly he received a call that could totally change his plan. It was from a strange number so he didn't pick up at first. As the caller kept insisting he decided to answer the call.

"How much do you love Erik?" It was all that the woman asked. Jonas’ recognized the voice right away.

"Sophia? Why are you asking me that?"

"Do you love him enough to get into the first flight to Rio and spend the New Year's eve with him?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So since this chapter is on Jonas’ POV, just like him we don't get to see much on what Erik is up to in Rio. But the next chapter is on Erik's POV so we'll get to see his time there more detailed.  
> And to avoid confusion with the timeline this chapter happens between 24-30/12.
> 
> So... let me know your thoughts. Comments and kudos are very appreciated. They keep me motivated and inspired.


	33. "If you only knew"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erik arrived in Rio with his parents. And along with Sophia, he's looking forward to have a good time, relax and rest. But can he really take his mind completely off from what he left behind? Or more specifically, from who he left behind?
> 
> The last part of this chapter was inspired by the song: "If you only knew - Shinedown"
> 
> Hope you enjoy it. Let me know your thoughts.

Chapter 33 - If you only knew

Erik and his parents arived in Rio de Janeiro on the morning of December 26th after almost 12 hours of flight. Coming straight from the European winter to the South American summer made them struggle with their first hours in Rio because of the hot weather but they would get used to it eventually.

After getting settled on their hotel rooms, his parents shared one and Erik would have the other room for himself, they went out for lunch. That's when Erik met Leonardo Bittencourt. He had let his friend know he'd be around for the holidays and Leo was happy to hear it and they agreed to meet right away.

On that Sunday afternoon Erik, his parents, Leo and his family went to Maracanã for a charity match between Neymar and friends against David Luiz and friends. It was a fun match with many goals. The stadium was almost fulll and the crowd was cheerful.

He was so happy to be back to where Germany had won the World Cup. Unfortunately, he didn't ger to play but it didn't mean it was any less special. He spent a whole month training hard as everyone, ready to do his job if he was needed. He felt very proud of their win just like everyone was. He had a lot of memories of that day. It was very apprehensive to watch the 90 minutes. And the 30 more minutes of extra time. Luckily Götze scored and they celebrated for the rest of the night. It was just some much going on that Erik could barely believe the moment when he first held the trophy in his hand.

After watching the match under a burning sun, Leonardo took him to the pitch where he met a few Brazilians players and even took a picture with Neymar, which wasn't an easy task since Neymar's attention was highly demanded.

On Monday he went out with his parents to know the city. Erik only managed to meet Sophia at night. She was at gym. There was also a space to dance there and when he got there, that's what she was doing. He, suddenly wished to have arrived later because she end up inviting him up to dance. He wasn't good at it but it was fun. He also got to meet her brother.

On Tuesday Erik introduced Sophia to his parents. His parents looked at each other, finding it odd Erik having a girlfriend when it was just a few months ago that he was with Jonas. As if Sophia could read their thoughts she hurried to make clear they were just friends. The four of them headed to Corcovado where the 'Jesus, the Redeemer' statue was located. Erik was in awe for being visiting such a symbolic place. His parents were amazed as well.

As they were on a hill, they had a good sight of the city down below. It was a beautiful sight. Sophia pointed out some places so they could know better about the city. Erik took some pictures and posted one of them on his instagram.

Then Erik stood in silence appreciating the view for a while. His thought went straight to Jonas. He'd have liked this place. The city. The friendly environment. How people were more sympathetic, receptive, and genuinely happy. Totally opposed to how German people were.

Erik thought that coming to Rio with his parents would help him to take his mind off of Jonas. That he'd get distracted enough to avoid thinking about Jonas. However, he'd very often find himself thinking about him. And by the night, alone in his hotel room, this feeling of missing Jonas would only get worse. There were times he had wanted to call him but he kept his words on giving them a break.

Later that day, about time for the sunset, Erik wanted to go to the beach. At this time of the year the weather was quite hot so it was usual for locals and tourists to stay on the beach on the night. Sophia took him to a place called 'Pedra do Arpoador', located between the Ipanema and Copacabana beaches, where there was some big rocks near the sand and the sea. People would sit there to appreciate the sunset, the beautiful sight, and to relax.

There many people who had the same idea and came to enjoy some sun time there. Erik found a nice place and sat there, Sophia went to pick up something and would be right back. It was definitely a beautiful place but quite crowded in his opinion. But it wasn't surprising since it was summer. He noticed a few women looking at him. He didn't know if they recognized him or it was the usual reason why women used to look at him. When he first arrived to Rio he had no idea if people would actually recognize him. He'd rather not being recognized but it happened a few times and he didn't mind stopping a few times for photos e pictures.

A few minutes later and the women were still throwing glances at him. He was starting to feel bothered but thankfully Sophia came back to save hin. She was carrying two coconuts and straws.

"I think you might have missed this." She handed him one of the coconuts and sat beside him. "You look troubled, what is it?"

"Nothing really, it's just... " Erik nodded slightly at the women who had been looking at him.

"Oh... In this case, I think this will help." Sophia put her arm around him, as if in a possessive way and rested her head on his shoulder. "That should make them believe you're taken and look somewhere else."

"Thanks. It's a little crazy how I'm getting even more attention than usual."

"Erik, dear, have you ever looked at yourself on the mirror? C'mon, you can't possibly be that surprised. Besides, we have a tendency to get often attracted by Germans."

"Is that so?"

"Well, who can blame us? You're all a bunch of handsome guys." Sophia said. They stayed in silence for a little while admiring the view.

"This place is beautiful. There's a good energy, everywhere you look people are smiling, there's this laid back feeling. Last year, when we traveled for different cities during the world cup, people were so receptive. It suprised me when Brazilians supported us even more after that 7-1."

"You have to go there, haven't you?" Sophia laughed.

"Sorry, I'm just telling how your country makes me feel. I didn't mean to..."

"It's okay. I was supporting Germany anyway."

"Against your own national team?"

"Of course, I appreciate the good football. Besides, the Brazilian team is a nightmare nowadays. And people here actually thought we could beat Germany. That day was fabulous and simply unforgettable."

"The atmosphere here is totally different from Germany. It makes me wonder why you left this behind for a completely different country, atmosphere, language."

"I guess I just needed a change. As much as I love this place, I started to feel like I don't belong here, as strange as it sounds. It just wasn't making me happy anymore, not after feeling hurt for such a long time. When the opportunity to work covering Bundesliga in Germany came up, I knew right away it was what I needed. I had always liked the country and Bundesliga. So it was perfect opportunity. The change isn't easy but I'm getting through it. The funny thing is that now I miss this laid back atmosphere from Rio so it's nice to come back and spend a few days here."

"I'm having a good time here. My parents are loving the city as well." Erik then sighed, remembering Jonas." He'd have loved this place." Erik watched as the waves kept breaking on the rocks. He couldn't see but Sophia watched him.

"It's clearly visible that your body is here but your mind is completely kilometers away from here."

"As much as I try hard not to, I can't help but think about him. I thought that spending the holidays here would help take my mind off of it. But it's not working."

"I told you should invite him to come along."

"Maybe I should have. But we just broke up. And spending these days here was supposed to help me forget about it. I just can't."

"Why did you break up? If you don't mind me asking."

"I want a relationship for real and he would rather stick to a casual one. I want more than he can give me. It's not gonna work like that. We decided to end it before any more damage was done."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Sometimes I think he'll never be ready for it and that I should move on."

"Clearly, it's not what you want."

"What can I do? I can't push him into something he isn't comfortable with. I just don't know what to do. Maybe..."

"What is it?" Sophia asked when Erik looked weirdly at her.

"Help me get over Jonas. Help me fall out of love for him."

"If you think we're having a one night stand again, don't hold your breath, Erik."

"I'm not talking about a one night stand. I'm talking about dating."

Sophia's eyes went wide open with what he was proposing her. After a little while looking at one another Erik saw her leaning over. He let his eyes close, expecting to feel her lips on his. But that didn't happen. She gave him a kiss on the cheek, instead.

"I can't and won't do that. Look, I'll use an example here. You had the opportunity to play for Bayern, which many players would love to have, but you didn't take it because you wouldn't be happy. Now, you're giving me an opportunity to be with you, which many women would love to have, and I'd appreciate it if only you meant it, but I won't take it. As much as you're a nice guy, I don't want to be with you. I won't be happy knowing I'm your second choice. And you won't be happy either."

"Sophia, I really like you. It's just that..."

"It's just that you love Jonas more, I know. I'm sorry I can't help you to fall out of love. I still haven't learnt how to work miracles. And you know, love is beautiful, so don't give up on him, not that easily"

"He says he's afraid he can't make me happy. He knows I love kids and that I want to have my own someday but he doesn't want to be the one to make me give up my dreams. And I know he wants to have his own kids as well. I don't know why he doesn't even want to give us a chance just because of it. I mean, I don't think this is a problem because we could figure something out together, eventually."

"You know that given your careers adoption is a very complicated process. You two spend a good amount of time between trips for away matches, trainings, promotional events."

"Yeah, we don't have much free time and that would go against us in an adoption process. But, honestly, this is the last thing I'm worried right now. I just don't know what to do to make him understand that he can make me happy no matter what."

"I'm not exactly an expert on the love topic so I'm not the best person to tell you what to do." Sophia said and made a pause to think about something that could be helpful. "Simply love him. Show him how much you love him in every touch, kiss, gesture, look, at every word you say to him, at every caress, through every smile you give him. Show him how much it means to you being loved by him. Show him that you two shouldn't worry about things like that for now, it's too soon for that. Just let it happen, allow your feelings to be what matters the most. Take time for yourselves, cherish what you have and things will happen in due time."

"Whoa, and you say you don't understand about love."

"I don't. Not really. What I just said is just so romantic that makes me nauseous. Ew!" Sophia said, making Erik smile.

"I'll have to find a way to break through his stubborn heart."

"Like I said, let your love for him show. At some point he'll start to give in so you play hard to get. It should be harder for him to continue fighting his feelings. Who knows he can finally get over his fears and see that, no matter what, you're in this together. And if any issue might come up, you can go through it together. Because you have each other."

"Thanks for the help. Anyway, it's growing dark, I should head back to the hotel. I'll have dinner with my parents. Leonardo will pick me up and we'll go clubbing later."

"The last time you went for a night out, it didn't go well."

"I just want to enjoy the Rio night. I'm not looking for trouble."

"Ok. Behave yourself."

"I will. Would you like to come along with me just to make sure?"

"You're a grown up man, Erik. You don't need a babysitter. Besides, go clubbing is not my thing. And I'll go bowling with some friends."

"Do you mind if I go swimming for a few minutes before we go back? It's too hot, I need to cool down."

"Go. I'll get us some ice cream. Once you're done swimming I'll take you back to your hotel."

"Ok. Can you hold these things for me?"

"Sure. I'll be waiting right there." Sophia pointed out a the nearest food kiosk. Erik handed her his shirt, wallet and cellphone and headed towards the sea.

As Sophia enjoyed her chocolate ice cream, waiting for Erik to be back, she reminded everything Erik had told her. It was more than clear that he was completely in love with Jonas. Not that she ever expected to have any chance with him. Nor did she want to have it. As much as she herself admitted that Erik was handsome (well, many would agree with her), she genuinely only saw him as a friend. That night they spent together happened out of their vulnerability for being hurt. But wasn't bound to repeat itself. Not when he loved someone else.

She didn't want to cause them any problem. They didn't need more than the ones they've been through already. She was willing to help them, instead. She still thought that Erik should have invited Jonas to come along. Thats when, suddenly, she had an idea. She took the chance that Erik was still away and searched Jonas’ phone number on his contacts. She saved the number on her own cellphone. It would be useful.

At least this time going clubbing wasn't ao traumatic as the last time. He met some of Leonardo's friends and they all went out together. He enjoyed the good music and fun conversations. Through the time he spent there, he ended up being hit on by a few women. And turned town each one of them. And after every time he had to do it, he'd immediately think about Jonas. Truth to be told: Jonas was a very recurring thought in his mind. Erik would often find himself thinking about him. Sometimes even out of the blue, without any reason. It was getting harder not to call or text him.

On the next day, December 29th, a Tuesday, Erik met Sophia very early. She was wearing a top, shorts and running tennis. He knew she used to go for a running almost everyday, early in the morning. And this time he'd join her. He was on holidays but that didn't mean he'd get careless about his health.

"Bom dia!" She greeted him cheerfully.

"Bom dia." He replied back in Portuguese. It was one of the few words he had learnt. "How are you?"

"I'm feeling great. We have a very exciting day ahead of us. I'm glad to see you're still in one piece after going clubbing."

"I told you I'd behave myself. You should give me some credit." Erik said and Sophia just laughed. They crossed the street and reached the waterside and started to run in a slow pace, at first. "You said this day is gonna be exciting. Why?"

"When you invited me, remember I said something about making arrangements for something amazing?"

"Yeah. Will you tell me now?"

"It's adventurous. Is all I can say for now. I asked permission to your parents and they were okay with my plans. Although you mother was a bit insecure."

"You did what!? You needed my parents' permission for what exactly?"

"Technically, I didn't need it since you can do whatever you want. But I wanted to let them know beforehand so they won't call me insane for putting your through this experience without them knowing."

"Experience? What is it?"

"You'll find out soon. The only thing I can say: it's gonna take you high."

"What!?" Erik was clueless and curious about whatever its that she has planned. Sophia increased her running pace and Erik ended up a little behind still in his confusion.

After having lunch with his parents Erik was sitting beside Sophia in a van, along a few other tourists, heading to some place only God knows, and Sophia too.

When Erik got out van, he took a look around. Right ahead of them there was a structure for paragliding and hang gliding activities. He watched as a man and an intructor took off with a hang glide. He looked at Sophia astonished.

"Well, it's okay if you don't feel comfortable, if this is not your thing. You don't have to do it if you don't want to. I just thought it'd be nice to take you to try something so different, something you've never done before."

"This is fantastic. I've always wanted to do it. How did you know it?"

"I didn't. But I thought you've liked it. We will have to wait a little because as you can see there's some people who wants to do the same. It's gonna be worth, though."

"Is it safe?"

"Of course, it's. They've been doing it for over ten years. You'll land on the beach, the flight takes 10 minutes, more or less depending on the wind conditions. It'll be recorded and they will give you a dvd afterwards with the footage. I promise you, paragliding it's one of the best experiences".

"Wow. Thank you so much. This is incredible. Now I understand why my mom was apprehensive when you talked to her."

"I guaranteed her that it's the safest it can be. You'll go first. Once you depart, I'll let my brother know. He'll take your parents to the place where you'll land. Everything is settled. Do you really want to go paragliding? We can still go back."

"I want to do it. I wouldn't miss the opportunity."

Almost an hour later it was Erik's time to go. The instructor got him settled with the equipment. When he double checked if everything was in order, he gave some instructions on how to proceed to take off. Erik looked behind looking for Sophia. She had her thumbs up for him, encouraging him.

Erik couldn't believe the moment when his feet didn't touch the ground anymore. He was flying. And he had a view over the whole city. From the hills to the the sea and everything in between. The wind blowing over him. It just was wonderful. It just gave him this feeling of freedom.

The instructor asked him how he felt and they chatted through it. As they went lower they flew over the beach until eventually they reached the beach's sand. He couldn't believe it was already over but it was indeed one of the best things he had ever done. When he got the equipment off he saw his parents coming towards him and hugged them. He couldn't get enough of telling them how amazing it had been.

Erik then followed the instructor to a place near where he landed. A few minutes and a lady handed him a dvd with the footage. Erik already had plans to post a small video of his flight on his instagram.

He joined his parents and waited for Sophia. She shouted excitedly when she landed. Once she got rid of the equipment Erik walked towards her while she ran to him. She hugged him with such enthusiasm that almost made them fall on the sand.

"That was great, wasn't it?" She asked.

"That was more than great. I loved it. It feels surreal but so good." Erik replied and then they broke way from the hug. "Jonas would have loved to do this." He realized he was thinking once again on his beloved one. He just couldn't stop himself. "Anyway, obrigado."

"Bitte schön"

Afterwards, Sophia helped him editing the video of the recording and as soon as it was done, he posted the short video. Through the rest of the day he received calls and messages from his friends asking about his adventure. Most of them probably thinking he went insane. But the call/message he anticipated the most never came. Not hearing from Jonas disappointed him, made him feel like there was a void inside him.

That night was one of the hardest he ever had. He simply couldn't sleep no matter what. He woke up many times through the night. Erik kept trying to fall asleep but it was getting harder at each time. He tried sleeping on his stomach, on his back and on his sides but none of them worked. Until he gave up trying.

He looked at the clock. It was 3:39am. His mind was so wrapped around Jonas and he just couldn't find a way to shut it down. He tossed and turned on bed but had already lost his sleep. He couldn't take it anymore. He tried not to think about Jonas. He really did. But failed every time. The more he tried, the more Jonas came into his mind.

Erik grabbed his cellphone and walked towards the balcony of his room. The hotel was located in front of the beach, with a beautiful sight to the ocean. Erik kept watching the nearly empty avenue, distracted. After a few minutes listening to the sea sounds, like the waves crashihg, he picked up the courage and called Jonas. He was aware that it was still early in Germany but he knew Jonas would be awake by now. The phone rang twice before Jonas answered it.

"Hey, I thought you'd never..." Jonas started but Erik interrupted him.

"Jonas, if you only knew... Damn, I've tried hard not to think about you. I tried not miss you. But I failed. I don't even feel complete without you near me, anymore. The truth is: trying not to love you... It's just making me love you even more."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter went back a few days, comparing to the last chapter. The timeline is 26-30/12. To avoid confusion. On the next chapter their timelines will be the same when we get to the call between Sophia and Jonas mentioned in the previous chapter (32).
> 
> So, I suppose some of you might not be familiar with Rio de Janeiro. I bet Maracanã and Christ the Redeemer statue you all know, since it's well known places worldwide. If you're curious or like to know the settings of the story, you could google images of 'Pedra do Arpoador' to have a view of the place. If you search for 'paragliding in rio' on youtube, there are some videos of that experience. 
> 
> Vocabulary: Bitte schön = Your welcome (according to Google, hope he's not lying to me)  
> Bom dia = Good morning  
> Obrigado = Thank you.
> 
> So... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated. I love reading your comments, so keep them coming, please. Feedback is so important and I always look forward to read what you think of this story.


	34. "I'd come for you (Part 1)"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After getting Erik's call, Jonas makes an important decision.
> 
> Ok, so I'm just making an early update.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it. Let me know your thoughts.

Chapter 34 - I'd come for you (Part 1)

Jonas was caught off guard by Erik's words. In his mind, judging by the pictures and the video Erik had posted about his trip, the blonde was very distracted to even remember about him. As much as he wanted, he didn't expect to get a call from him. Let alone one in the middle of the night, in Rio, when Erik should be long asleep.

"Erik, are you okay? What are you doing awake ao early?"

"I've been trying to sleep but I just can't. I don't think I've slept for an hour straight. I just kept waking up. I just wanted to forget you."

"You what? You wanted to... To forget me, Erik?" Jonas asked and Erik noticed the hurtful tone on his voice.

"Please, don't take it the wrong way. I don't want to actually forget you even cause that's impossible. What I meant was to take my mind off of you, of us, while I'm here. To really enjoy and relax in my time here. But I miss you so damn much. I'm trying not love you but I'm just loving you more. If you only knew how if feels to..."

"I know, Erik. Believe me. I know exactly how it feels. There's a part of me missing and this part is you. Being without you it's not the same anymore. It was already hard being away from you when I was in Mainz. The time when I started to think about you differently. But in the end it didn't bother me because, after all, we were only friends. Now nothing is like before. We can't be together yet but that doesn't mean I'm letting go of how I feel. And I'm sure neither are you. So, I understand how hard it's being for you. I'm missing you just as much. But you shouldn't loose sleep over it. I'll be right here when you come back."

"Just hearing your voice is already making me feel better. I don't feel anxious any longer. You make me feel good and for that I love you, Jonas."

"You spoil me when you say things like that."

"Well, I have no regrets. Not when I make you smile."

"How could you possibly know I'm smiling right now?"

"How could I not? I know you too well. You might be kilometers away from me but I can clearly see your genuine smile. I have it memorized in my mind. I always like seeing you smile. And if you ever have to stop smiling than be it because my lips will be keeping your lips busy."

"You're really trying to drive me madly in love with you, aren't?"

"I gotta try at least, right?"

"I admit it might be working. You just scored extra points with me."

"I always do."

"And from here I can see your smuggly smile." Jonas said and for a little while they just listened to the sound of each other's breath." So, tell me, what have you been up to in Rio?"

"A lot. I'll tell more when I get back home. I think you'd have loved this city. Sophia told me to invite you, maybe I should have listened to her."

"Sophia, hum? This is something I've been wondering since I saw the picture she posted of you two visiting Christ the Redeemer's statue. Why did you invite her? Did you pick her over me?"

"I'd never do that and you know it, Jonas. I thought that knowing what I feel for you would help you, at least, feel less insecure."

"And it did. But in the end, she's the one with you in Rio right now."

"It's not like I'm 24/7 with her. Besides, she lives here."

"Does she?"

"Yes, she shares an apartment with her brother. I meet her once or twice a day but most of the time I'm with my parents. I met Bittencourt a few times as well. Oh, and you won't believe it. I went paragliding. It was unforgettable and so amazing."

"I saw the short video you posted. I don't know who is the most insane between you two. If it's Sophia for inviting you to go paragliding or if it's you for accepting it. I should have a word with her."

"Actually, you should try it. I'm sure you'd enjoy it."

"It seems like you're having so much fun in Rio"

"Yeah but it'd be even better if you were here with me." Erik said. He walked outof the balcony and sat back on the bed. "I'm sorry that I didn't invite you. It just didn't feel right when we had just broken up. And I need to give you time. I feel like having me around you might make you feel under pressure to make a decision. And I don't want that to happen."

"Erik, you showed me that you respect that I'm not ready. You gave me some space, some time to think about it. I have no reason to feel under pressure. I don't feel anything at all like this."

"Well, the New Year's eve is right in the corner and you probably have plans to spend it with your family but if I asked you to come all the way here, would you come for me?"

"I would. Right away. But since we both already have plans and the new year's eve is already tomorrow, it won't be possible this time. We just have go through around five more days till we can meet again.'

"Yeah, just five. And then add to that the 2 weeks we've already spent away."

"I know! I miss you too. But we'll join the team soon and travel to La Manga for mid season training camp. Then we'll have 2 more weeks to spend together."

"Together along everyone else. I know I shouldn't complain since staying away was my choice but I can't help it."

"Maybe sleeping will help you. You should go back to sleep, Erik. Maybe now that we've talked you can finally get some rest."

"I really need to sleep but I don't want to hang up."

"Go to sleep, we can talk another time."

"Ok. Talking to you make me feel better, thanks." Erik then whispered. "I love you."

"Oh... yeah... Your welcome." Even already knowing what Erik felt for him, hearing him saying that three words took him aback. He wanted to say it back but he just couldn't. "Bye."

Erik knew that probably Jonas wasn't ready to say 'I love you' back but he still felt a little disappointed. If he said he didn't bother at all not hearing Jonas saying this, he'd be lying to himself. It was matter of time, he had to be patient.

Jonas was happy to be proven wrong. He had thought that Erik was having so much fun in Rio and was too busy to miss him. However, when Jonas got his call, he saw that Erik was missing him. A lot. He could even hear the longing in Erik's voice. It was somehow overwhelming to know that Erik was feeling the same way as he felt, to see that he was being careful to let him comfortable after their break up. That there was no pressure for a rushed decision. Jonas felt the luckiest person on earth for having Erik in his life. Either as friend or more than that, he was blessed anyway.

That phone call made his day 100% percent. Not even the light snow would ruin it. It was matter of a few days till he could finally see Erik again and he was already looking forward to it. He had no idea but his day was about to get even better.

After having lunch with his parents Jonas decided to stop by the mall. Some new pieces of clothing wouldn't be a bad thing. As soon as he sat on the front seat of his father's car, that he got borrowed, his cellphone rang. He saw an unknown number and decided to ignore it. He proceed to put the seat belt on and was about to start the engine when his cellphone phone rang once again. This time he picked it up.

"How much do you love Erik?" It was all that the woman asked. Jonas’ recognized the voice right away. One that he didn't expect to hear anytime soon.

"Sophia? Why are you asking me that?"

"Do you love him enough to get into the first flight to Rio and spend the New Year's eve with him?"

"Erik told you to ask me that?"

"No. He doesn't even know I'm calling you or that I have your number. But it doesn't matter right now. I need to know if you love him enough to drop everything you have planed and come to Rio to spend the New Year's eve with him?"

"I don't understand why..."

"Can you please asnwer my question, Jonas?

"Hell, yeah. Of course, I would. It's obvious, isn't it?

"So, pack your stuff and come."

"What? You mean it for real?" Jonas thought it was some kind of a joke at first.

"As real as it can be. Look, I know you might not trust me but you trust Erik. I'm doing this for him and, consequently, for you as well. He's missing you like a dog miss its owner when the person stays away for a long time. I just want to make him a surprise and I bet you can't wait to be with him again. It'll be good for both of you. So, can you trust me for once? That is, if you actually want to do it."

"What do you have planed?"

"I'll tell you more once we meet here. What you need to do for now is to pack your things. Oh, it's a tradition here to wear white clothes on the new year's eve. So pack clothes for that. Well, if you don't follow traditions then it doesn't matter, wear whatever you want. Remember, it's summer time here so I'd advise you bringing comfortable clothes. Once you're done head to Frankfurt or Munich and catch the first flight to Rio. If you manage to travel still tonight you'll arrive here by tomorrow's early morning. If you catch a flight by tomorrow morning then you shall arrive here by the beginning of the night, but would be kind of on short notice. I'd take off later today, if available, if I were you. So, what is it gonna be?"

"I want to do this. For Erik."

"Then make the trip. Pick a flight and then message me with all the information. I'll pick you up at the airport by the estimated time of arrival."

"Sophia, do you swear this is serious? That this is not a joke. That you aren't misleading me or something?

"I swear, Jonas. Just trust me this time, it's all I ask you. We'll talk better once you get here."

"Ok. I'll see if I can find an available flight given the short time. And I'll see if my parents don't mind me spending the new Year's eve somewhere else. Right now it's not 100% sure that I'll make it to Rio but I'll try my best."

"Ok. Hopefully, I'll see you tomorrow. Oh, and remember this is a surprise to Erik. He CAN NOT know of any of this. If you two message or talk in the meanwhile, don't ever mention I called you or what we're doing, right?"

"Agreed."

"I'll message you my phone number so you can call or text me if you need anything. And don't forget sending the flight information."

"I won't." Jonas said. The opportunity to go to Rio and meet Erik still didn't seem real for him. "I have no idea why you're doing this but I appreciate that anyway. Thank you."

"No need to thank me, yet. Go, see if you can make it here and pack your things."

After hanging up the call Jonas kept sitting inside his car still trying to understand what just happened. Days ago Jonas would give anything to spend the New Year's eve with Erik. And now, out of the blue, he had this opportunity. He couldn't help but feel a little insecure about Sophia's invitation. Then he remembered that Erik trusted her. Maybe he should give her a chance and trust her as well.

He took some minutes looking for a flight to Munich and another flight from there to Rio. He got excited when he saw that there were still a few seats avaliable on a flight that would departure earlier on the next morning. He booked both flights right away. He'd be flying to Munich later that night but he had some stuff to do.

Just before the call he was going to buy new clothes. He decided to following his plan and buy a set of clothes to his quick trip to Rio, for the new year's eve.

When he got back home, Jonas packed the new stuff along all of his belongings because he'd head straight to Dortmund after coming back from Rio. Talking to his parents wasn't as hard as he thought it'd be but still his mother tried to convince him to stay with them. Jonas felt his heart clench for not staying with them but deep down he wished more than anything to be with Erik as soon as possible. He finally convinced his mother by saying:

"I fell in love. I'll be the happiest man on earth if I could spend the new year's eve with this person."

He was very careful not to reveal it was Erik. His mother, probably thinking it was a new woman he met, agreed on him making the trip to Rio. He had a long flight, which was something he didn't like much, but he had no doubt that it'd be worth.

December, 31st, Thursday. Erik woke up to another sunny day. It was about 8am when he joined his parents for breakfast. Afterwards, Erik joined Sophia for another run by the waterside.

"Is something bothering you?" She asked when Erik seemed distant.

"I'm worried about Jonas. I've been trying to call him to know how he's doing but he doesn't pick up my calls or text me back."

"Maybe he's busy. It's gonna be a long day, after all."

"But he always has time for me."

Sophia had to fight back the smile that threatened to show up on her face. Lucky, Erik was too distracted to notice it. Oh, boy, if he could only imagine what awaited for him later that night. Sophia knew Jonas wouldn't be picking up calls anytime soon, being on the plane, halfway his flight. He was due to arrive in about 7 hours.

Bittencourt invided Erik and his parents to have lunch at his place and to spend the afternoon there. To Sophia it was perfect. Erik would be too busy to notice her 'disappearance' on the aftenoon.

It was just past 3pm and Sophia had just reached the international arrivals area of the Galeão airport. Jonas’ flight had just landed so it was matter of minutes to go through the customs, passport control and stuff like that. But 30 minutes later and he hadn't showed up. That made her start to wonder if he had given up. Well, at least she had tried to help. If Jonas didn't want this then there was nothing else she could do. She was just about to turn her back and leave when she saw him.

When she first saw Jonas, he looked lost, looking around everywhere searching for her. When he saw her, he seemed relieved and gave her a shy smile. He was caught by surprise when Sophia walked to him and gave him a big hug.

"I'm so happy you came! I'm happy that you actually trusted me."

"I'm happy to be here. Thanks for inviting me."

"You're more than welcome. Erik will be over the moon when he sees that you're here. By the way, Erik has been trying to call you since early this morning. Maybe you should text him saying you're very busy or something."

"Where is he now?" Jonas asked as they walked out of the airport.

"At Leonardo's place. You know, when something is mean to be things happens perfectly. I didn't have a good excuse to explain to Erik why I'd go missing' for the afternoon. He'd probably get suspicious. But, suddenly, Leo invites him to his place. It totally fits our plan."

"Our plan?"

"I have something in mind but we'll decide together how we'll surprise Erik." Sophia said as they reached her car. "Anyway, are you hungry, want to stop by to have some ice cream or something?"

"I wouldn't mind an ice cream."

Jonas admired the sight on their way to the hotel. Sophia was driving by the waterside avenue and Jonas could see the beach and how there were many people enjoying it. They got stuck in traffic, which according to her was pretty usual in Rio. She asked him if he didn't mind if she put some music to play. Of course he didn't, after all, it was her car. The first song that started to play was 'Mr. Brightside' from 'The Killers'. It happened to be one of his favorite songs. He couldn't help but to sing along. And apparently neither could her. Both of them started to singing out loud the beginning of the song. They sang together until the end of the first chorus and then laughed together.

"If you don't start this song singing out loud then you're it doing wrong." She said raising her hand for Jonas to 'high five" and he did it.

Sophia took Jonas to the hotel room she had booked, in the same hotel as Erik and even knowing it was risky once they could bump into each other, it was better this way. It'd avoid wasting time going from one hotel to another. Jonas’ room was 4 floors above from Erik's floor, so she hoped it'd be enough to avoid them meeting. She made sure he had everything he needed and left to check on Erik. But she would be back after dinner to talk to him.

When she met Erik again, he was happy because he finally managed to talk to Jonas. If he was feeling this way already, Sophia wondered how he'd react to the surprise. Up to now he didn't suspect anything. Her plan was simple but if it worked as she expected then everyone would be happy by the end of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated. Feedback is what keeps me motivated and inspired to keep writing this.


	35. "I'd come for you (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jonas came all the way to Rio just to see Erik again.
> 
> I was so excited to post this chapter but had to wait a little while because I got a little stuck at the current chapter I'm writing which isn't much ahead of this one.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it. Let me know your thoughts.

Chapter 35 - I'd come for you (Part 2)

It was just past 10pm and Jonas was on the balcony of his room, watching as the Copacabana beach was getting crowded. A lot of people gathering together all long the beach's extension. He had just been back from having dinner at the hotel's restaurant. About an hour ago he had received one message from Erik wishing him 'Happy New Year'. He played along saying that if he were still awake by the time Rio timezone reached the new year that he would call him. Erik seemed to believe him and have no clue of what was actually happening.

Jonas was starting to feel bored after spending some hours in that room. He was going through the tv channels and stopped on a music channel where there was a rock concert being showed. He was enjoying it when he heard someone knock on his door. For a brief moment he wished it was Erik but he knew it was Sophia.

"Wow. You look pretty." Jonas said as she walked inside the room. She was wearing a white sundress, she had make up on, black eyeliner and dark pink lipstick, along a few other details that Jonas had no idea about once he didn't understand about these things, her hair was curly, different from her straight hair. If she had showed up to pick him at the airport like that he surely wouldn't recognize her at first.

"Well, I'm pretty. And I look fabulous. Why do you look so surprised? Are you saying I'm ungly without make up on?"

"Of course, not. I didn't meant to..."

"Relax, Jonas. I'm just kidding. Thank you, anyway. You're looking good as well."

"I didn't really think wearing white was a thing." Jonas was dressed in white shirt and shorts. "But it's good that I followed your advice."

"So... We need to talk. I'm tired of getting those 'kill looks' you give me."

"What? I don't give..."

"You do. Ever since the first time you saw me. But honestly, I don't think I ever deserved it."

"You looked at him in a different way. You even had sex with him."

"Jonas, I'm not proud of that. Because I know that one way or another that hurt both of you. But I don't regret it either. After all, it was his move. And yes, I think Erik is gorgeous and I was impressed with him at first but that doesn't mean I fell in love with him."

"How can I be sure of it?"

"You should stop seeing me as a threat to you. I'm not your enemy. I'm not gonna fight you for Erik. I don't get into lost fights. Erik's heart is all yours, it belongs only to you. I couldn't love Erik even if I wanted to."

"Why is that?"

"Short story: I got badly heartbroken. It's like, I had my heart shattered into so many pieces and I was never able to put them all together again. Like there are pieces still missing. And because of that I simply can't feel love for Erik or for any person. It scares me sometimes how I'm so emotionless when it comes to love."

"A person can not just not feel anything at all, can she? I mean, wouldn't that feel..."

"Empty, hollow? That's exactly how I feel. I don't know how it feels to love someone and to be loved back. Sometimes I think I'll never know."

"That's sad. You know, Reus is just as disillusioned by love as you are."

"Most of the times I'm like: 'I love myself, I don't need anyone else to love me..."

"Reus uses to say exactly the same thing."

"Why are you mentioning Reus? Anyway, I like being single, I don't mind it. But then, when I see people like you and Erik, deeply in love with each other..." Sophia reaced her breaking point and started to sob. " I just wished someone would love me like that. I just wish I could feel this way for someone. But I just feel empty all the time."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Jonas patted her shoulder, trying somehow to comfort her. "But if I were you I wouldn't give up. We usually find love when and where we least expect. Look at me and Erik, I never thought he'd the one who I'd love as much as I do."

"And if I were you I wouldn't blow this opportunity with Erik. I don't want him but another woman might."

"You inviting me to come here, why are you doing this?

"I really like Erik, as a friend. He was the first person I got to know when I arrived in Munich. He helped me getting out of a few awkward situations to which I'm very grateful. So I just want to see him happy. And if you're the one who is gonna make him happy, then I like and support you. He almost drove me mad with his constant mentions of you."

"Really?"

"Yeah. So I just thought: 'Why not trying to bring them together?' And here we are. A love like yours shoud not in any way be wasted."

"Thank you. I really appreciate what you're doing. And I'm sorry if I said or did something that offended you."

'It's okay. Now you know I'm a nice person. And I hope you can understand that I'm at your side and not fighting you for Erik."

"As long as you don't sleep with him again, I'll understand."

"As long as you don't screw up things again, I won't. Seriously though, what happened that night is in the past and will remain there. Erik and I, we're over it. We're good friends, I want the best for him. And by the way he talks about you, I simply know you're the best for him. So, I'm super excited for bringing you here. Mark my words, Jonas. One day you still be very thankful to me. Today? Tomorrow? Two years from now? I don't know when, but you'll be."

"You said you had a plan to surprise Erik, wanna share?"

"I'll tell you. Let's go to the beach and join the crowd down there. We'll meet my brother, Fernando, he will help us. But first I gotta fix my make up."

When they finally reached the beach half an hour later, Jonas was impressed by how many people were out on the streets and on the beach's sand. Every where he looked people were having fun, enjoying the loud music coming from the speakers spread out along the avenue.  
Sophia introduced Jonas to her brother and the three of them talked. He heard her plan and agreed to play along. It was a simple one but he was really looking forward to Erik's reaction.

It was past 11:30pm, Erik was sitting on the sand beside his parents, near the water. 30 more minutes and a firework show would light up the sky and his parents were excited for that. Erik was finding it odd Sophia's disappearance. She was supposed to have met him by now. Giving that the beach was absolutely full of people he wouldn't be surprised if she couldn't reach the place where they had agreed to meet. But she would have called to let him know. He had tried to call her a few times but no answer. He stood up right away when he managed to see her making her way through the people to get to him.

"Hey, what happened? I thought you wouldn't come anymore."

"Something came up, I was with some friends. But as promised I'm here now. So, are you enjoying the night so far?"

"Yeah, it's such a cheerful environment. It's totally different from what I'm used to. I like it but..." Erik stopped talking.

"But what?"

"I don't know. Maybe I should be as enthusiastic as everybody else here but I'm feeling quite anxious, instead."

"Why? Are you feeling ok?

"Yes. I just feel like something is about to happen."

"Like what?" For a moment Sophia wondered if he suspected anything.

"The thing is, I have no idea. I just have this feeling in my chest and it's starting to make me feel uneasy."

"So, let's just dance. It helps relieve tension, stress and anxiety."

"You know I'm not good at it."

"Who cares? I'm not asking you to dance like a pro. It's just for fun. You'll feel better."

Erik appreciated Sophia's attempt to cheer him up. It worked on the first few minutes as they silly danced to the music that was being played. But at some point he simply couldn't do this anymore. No matter what, nothing could get his distracted. He was expecting Jonas’ call. The brunette had promised to call him close to midnight in Rio. There were fifteen minutes left and nothing.

When Sophia noticed that Erik seemed, once again, distant she decided to play annoyed. What she had planned was about to happen in a few minutes, so she would just trick him.

"Erik, can you please stop thinking about Jonas and enjoy this night?"

"I'm sorry, I can't. He promised to call me. I'm waiting for his call."

"You decided to take a break from him. So, I'm trying to help you with that. But you're not helping yourself. Besides, Jonas is definitely not calling you."

"What makes you sure of it?"

"It's almost 3am in Germany. He's beyond sleeping by now."

"He promised me. I trust him."

"If you want to be disappointed once again that's fine with me. Just don't say I..." Sophia was interrupted by her cellphone ringing. Erik watched as she talked in Portuguese with someone. Obviously, he didn't understand what it was about but he got curious by watching her expression changing into a very cheerful one.

Sophia got a call from her brother letting her know that he was bringing Jonas to where she was along Erik and his parents. It was time to put her plan in action. She called his parents aside and told them she had a surprise for Erik and asked them that, whatever it was, they shouldn't say anything. Otherwise, Erik would hear it and the surprise would be ruined.

"What was that?" Erik asked finding her action odd.

"Since you told me, that day on the beach, about how you're unsure if Jonas will give you two a chance and that you want to win his heart, I've been thinking, when you get back to Germany and meets him, you should tell him how much he means to you. So, why don't we rehearsal it? Pretent I'm Jonas and tell me everything that comes from the bottom of your heart."

"Sophia, I can't pretend you're Jonas. I simply can't."

"This not for real. Just play along, will you? I want to help you."

"I appreciate it but I can't do it. You're pretty, cool and everything but you're not Jonas."

"That's why I'm asking you to pretend I am. Erik, trust me. I promise you it's gonna make you feel better." She then took something out of her purse and handled it to him "Put it on."

"A blindfold? Really? It's not something usual that people would carry with them, so I assume you had this planed."

"Yes, I knew you wouldn't be able to talk about Jonas while looking at me. So, put this on and imagine Jonas is in my place. And don't worry this blindfold is new. I bought it just for this."

Sophia watched as Erik, reluctantly, put the blindfold on. She made sure to check he couldn't see anything. Then she saw Jonas and her brother approaching them and signaled Jonas to keep quiet. She positioned the brunnette right in front of Erik and stood right behind Jonas so that her voice wouldn't come from a different direction and make Erik suspicious.

Since Jonas was a bit taller than her she positioned herself so that her face was behind his shoulder, almost as if she was leaning over his shoulder, giving her a view of Erik.

"Let's do it. Erik, I'll hold your hands." Sophia said but actually it was Jonas who held Erik's hand. Only the blonde didn't know. "A new year is about to come and it's good to start doing things differently. Imagine this is Jonas holding your hand and tell me what he means to you. It's easier than pretending I'm him. Oh, let me play a song to help you out." Sophia searched for a song on her cellphone and hit play.

"What? 'Love of my life' from Queen? Really? My parents probably dated to that song."

"Like it or not, it's a hell of song. Great music never gets old. It's beautiful and fits the moment. So, go on."

Erik listened to the first lyrics of the song while he thought about what he should say. He held tight to the hands he thought belonged to Sophia and had his mind believing it was Jonas standing there for a moment.

"I don't know exactly what to say. You know when you have so many things to say that you're confused on how you should start? That's how I'm feeling right now. I could go on and on about Jonas but I'll try to cut it short. I mean, everything happened so fast that I'm still trying to understand. It's such a big change from the things I have always expected. But maybe it's starting to make sense. Now I know why I couldn't find myself a girlfriend. All this time, the person who I'd fall madly in love for has always been by my side, my best friend and I never knew it. A man. I fell in love with a man. Fate tricked me. No wonder why I tend to feel uncomfortable around women. It isn't mean to be as I always expected. But I'm more than okay with that." He made a little pause and once he started to talk again his voice started trembling. "I love a man who captivates me every single day. Who makes me feel comfortable, who gives me his unconditional respect, loyalty, honesty, friendship, support, caring and the most important: love. I can see through his stubbornness that he loves me. I told him that I love him and if he ever gives me a chance I'll make sure to show and remind him of how much I love him every day. He's everything I could've asked for and at the same time more than I ever deserved. Because I hurt him and you shouldn't hurt the ones you love. At this point I can't imagine my life without him any longer. As a friend or possible as something more, no matter how, he's a vital part of my life and I don't want to ever loose him. This possibility scare me as hell because, after my parents and my sister, he's the most important person in my life. I can't live without him. He finally admitted that he loves me, took him too long but he did, and I feel like I'm the luckiest person for having the love of someone like him. I want to give my everything for and to him. If he could just let me in..." He took a deep breath. He needed a little time to pull himself together. Erik then started to caress the right hand he thought to be Sophia's. Suddenly, he felt something like a scar under his finger. That was weird. "Wait a minute. Is this a scar on your hand Sophia? I don't remember you having one... Wait! Jonas has a tiny scar exactly like this one on the top of his hand near the little finger of his right hand. It's from a childhood wound... " Erik stopped talking out of the blue. His heartbeats increased abruptly. A possibility crossed his mind but it couldn't be. He ran his finger over the scar a few more times and he just knew it. "NO WAY!!! I can't believe it!!!"

He immediately let go of the hands he had been holding and took off the blindfold. The first thing he saw was those blue eyes, that he loved so much, filled with tears. Taking a glance at Sophia, her eyes were just as much watery, she was crying as well.

"I kept my word." Jonas said with his breaking voice. "I'd come for you. I came for you. I kinda realized that I need and want you more than I can stand. Because I... I love you, Erik."

And that was all it took for Erik to let his own tears stream down his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated. This is one of my favorite chapters up to now and I'd so love to read what you think of it.


	36. "If you ever want to be in love"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jonas and Erik finally get the so much wanted time alone.
> 
> This chapter was inspired by the song: "If you ever want to be in love - James Bay". I love this song, and right from the first time I heard it I could already imagine to write a chapter inspired on it. At the end of this chapter the bold text are parts of the lyrics. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it. Let me know your thoughts.

Chapter 36 - If you ever want to be in love

Erik stood motionless staring at Jonas like the boy was a mirage. That was it. He was finally going mad. His mind was playing tricks on him making him see Jonas there when the boy was so far away. Or then this was some sort of dream and he didn't want to wake up from it. He was already waiting for the alarm clock to ring but nothing happened. Instead, Sophia and Jonas just looked worried at him.

"I think we broke him, Jonas." She said, standing beside the brunette.

"More like you broke both of us."

"More like I'm broken as well after that. It was just so beautiful and enamored. Wow.." She dried her tears away. "Erik, are you ok?"

"Yeah, I just can't believe it's happening. All I wanted was that you could be here with me this night. I was upset that this wasn't going to be possible. But you're actually here and it's just too good to be true. Where is the part where I wake up and realize this isn't real?"

"Good news: That won't happen anytime soon. Because I'm here, Erik. It's for real." Jonas shortned the distance and kissed his cheek. "I'm here with you."

"You just made me the happiest person on this place." Erik said to him as he tried handling the blindfold back to Sophia but she didn't take it.

"Keep it. It might be useful in the future." She winked at him and Erik put it on his pocket.

"How even... When did you get here? Sophia, did you know this? What is going on?"

"It was my idea to bring Jonas here. You wouldn't do it so I had to. You have no idea idea how desesperated you sounded when asking me to help you get over him, to fall out of love? I can't work that miracle. But bringing you two together, this miracle I can do. And by the way, my brother recorded that moment. So, you can watch later Jonas’ reaction to everything you said."

"I can't thank you enough for this."

"Don't thank me. The credit goes to Jonas. Even though the recent events, he trusted me and made this surprise possible. His wish to be with you was bigger than any issue he could have with me."

"It means everything to me that you're here with me."

"It means everything to me to be here with you. There's no place I rather be right now other than by your side." Jonas said and they smiled at one another.

"Aw! This is sweet and all but isn't this the part for the long awaited love kiss?" Sophia asked.

"What?" Jonas and Erik asked at the same time.

"After planing this, bringing Jonas here, after such beautiful love speech, being reunited again on this lovely night, don't I deserve to see a kiss?"

"Sophia, we're in public." Jonas said as if it was the most obvious thing.

"So what? Look around you. There's just so much people all over the beach. Every year around 2 million people gathers here to celebrate the new year with their beloved ones. People are just too busy to notice what others are up to."

"We're not risking it." Erik said.

"Anyway, I hate to interrupt you two but we're four minutes away from midnight. Time to get settled for the fireworks party. It's tradition here to welcome the new year with a toast. Would you guys like a glass of champagne?"

The boys agreed and Sophia, along her brother, left to get the champagne and glasses for them. Jonas greeted Erik's parents. It was then that Erik noticed that even his mother was emotional over what just happened.

Sophia and her brother came back pretty quickly with the bottle and the glassed. Once all of their glasses were filled Fernando wished them all a happy new year and left to join his friends. Sophia stayed with the boys and Erik's parents. She raised her glass in front of her, directing her attention to Jonas and Erik.

"I know you two can't wait to have some time to yourselves so I'll be short. 2015 gifted me with your friendship Erik and I'm grateful for that. Jonas, now that you know that I'm not trying to steal your boyfriend, or soon to be boyfriend, or whatever you decide, I would like to have your friendship too. Erik always speak good things about you, I think we could be friends. Mrs and Mr Durm, sadly your son's heart is already taken and not by me but I'm sure we all agree he's in good hands, nevertheless, he's an amazing person. I hope both of you enjoyed your stay in Rio. It was nice to meet you. Anyway, I wish you all a Happy New Year. Or as we say here, Feliz Ano Novo."

As the five of them toasted to the new year, the 10 second countdown to midnight had officially begun. Everyone's attention was turned towards the sea in excitement.

As soon as the clock reached midnight the fireworks started to light up the sky. Jonas and Erik watched the colorful fireworks as excited as two little kids. Erik was caught by surprise when he felt Jonas reaching for his hand. They held hands for some good time while watching the fireworks. At some point Erik simply pulled Jonas into a tight hug. They held each other in their arms, not saying anything. Sometimes words were not needed.

After about twenty minutes later the fireworks show was over. Sophia, Jonas and Erik took some pictures together. Then she gave them space to take their own pictures together as well. When they were done, Erik walked to his parents.

"Mom, dad, do you mind if I go back to my hotel room?"

"Not at all, dear. I suppose you and Jonas have a lot to catch up. Go." His mother replied.

"Are you sure?"

"You can go. We'll head back soon anyway." His father spoke,

"What are you waiting for?" Sophia asked. "Just go. I'll keep your parents company. And boys, behave yourselves." She joked.

"Don't worry, we surely won't." Jonas joked back making her smile.

Ten minutes later they finally reached Erik's room after spending more time than usual making their way through the crowd. Jonas stood in front on the balcony entrance appreciating the view of the beach. He heard Erik walking towards him and stand behind him. He felt the blonde's arms wrapping around him, hugging him from behind.

"Do you mind if I do this?" Erik asked, just to make sure Jonas wasn't bothered with his move.

"Not at all."

"I told you it was a beautiful view." Erik rested his head on Jonas’ shoulder. They watched for a while as many people were still enjoying and celebrating the new year on the beach." What is going on in your mind, Hoffi?"

"All those words you said. You didn't even know I was there, but still you showed so much affection through everything you said. I never thought I could be that meaningful to someone. It's both exciting and scary at the same time. And thinking about that time you called me in the middle of the night, when you said that you loved me. I just couldn't say it back to you and I feel bad. I don't want you to have doubts about my feelings for you."

"Jonas, look at me." Erik asked tenderly and Jonas turned his head to the left. Erik was right behind him, making their their lips stand only a few inches apart. "You're here with me tonight. If that isn't a proof of your love than what is it? I'd be a fool if I ever doubted that. I know you love me, Jonas. And, damn, I feel so lucky for that. And for the way your blue eyes sparks every time you look me, just like right now. Your thin lips I want to kiss so much. I don't know what you did to me but you got me so bad."

"You saying this makes it harder for me to resist,"

"Maybe you shouldn't resist then. At least not tonight." Erik let their lips brush ever so slightly. When he noticed Jonas searching for more he pulled away and let go of hugging him. He rushed to close the blinds and took off his shirt and shorts, leaving his boxers.

"Erik, what are you doing?"

"Just making myself comfortable. You should strip to your underwear as well. It's quite hot in here. Besides, there's always some sand left on the clothes when you walk out of the beach, no matter what you do to shake it off. Don't worry, nothing is gonna happen. I promised to give you time and I'll keep my word."

"What if I take to long to make a decision? Will you still want me?"

"Always, Jonas, always." Erik helped him get rid of his shirt. Once Jonas was out of his shorts, Erik put his arms around Jonas’ neck, keeping their bodies and faces close. He saw Jonas closing his eyes and did the same. Letting their lips brush again. This time Erik whispered against the brunette's lips. "Love, I could be yours. God knows I want to be all yours. But that can't happen unless you want that too."

"Erik, just to make it clear. The time I need is to get me settled and ready for this relationship. It was never about me deciding whether I want you or not. I was sure I wanted you since the moment I knocked at your door, nine months ago. I love you, Erik. I just... Love you."

Erik couldn't take it any longer, he closed the short distance between their lips kissing Jonas as gently as he could, appreciating every little contact their lips made, enjoying the sounds their lips made together, for the first time he experienced goosebumps while kissing Jonas. He let his hands slip to the brunette's back, pressing their naked chests together.

Jonas missed having Erik's soft lips over his. It had been a while since the last time. But now, the sensation was so much better. Because this time they were not afraid of showing their feelings. Jonas kissed him back ever so passionately that he felt himself shivering. It was a new thing for him but he loved how Erik made him feel. He licked Erik's bottom lip, as to ask for permition for his tongue to get in but Erik broke the kiss, instead. They remained with their eyes closed, foreheads touching, enjoying the new feelings they were going through.

"You're shivering, Jonas. Are you ok?"

"It just feel so good now. It feels real this time."

"It's for real this time. No more doing this just for the fun of it. But for what we feel. And that's making new feelings awake inside of us and indeed, it feels so, so good."

"I feel this cold running through my spine and it's so exciting."

"So maybe I should warm you up. Come." Erik held his hand and they waked towards the double bed. The blonde laid Jonas slowly on it and straddled his hips afterwards. "This should help."

Erik leaned down taking Jonas lips on his again in a slow, passion burning kiss. To which Jonas replied with the same intensity, desire and love. This time when Jonas licked his lip, Erik opened them slightly but enough so that Jonas’ tongue made its way in to find the tip of Erik's tongue and they got into a playfully caresses battle.

Jonas simply couldn't get enough of how good it felt having Erik carefully exploring every bit of his mouth. He ran his hand back and forth through the soft strands of Erik's hair. Jonas had no doubt: that was the best kiss they ever shared. And the reason for it was that they were finally giving in to their feelings, something they, mainly him, having been trying not to let it show.

Erik nibbled at his bottom lip before pulling away completely. When Jonas opened his eyes again, it was like paradise. There was so much love in the way Erik's green eyes watched him, along his beautiful smile. Jonas wouldn't mind staying like this for some more time. He still watched as Erik licked his own lips, something he knew to be his habit, but giving the noment right now, was too much for him. Jonas reached for Erik's face, pulling him down again for more kisses.

"Damn it, Erik... I... Love... You.... So.... So... Much...." Jonas said with his voice starting to get slightly hoarse, kissing him at every word. "Dear God, and how I love you..."

"You have no idea how great it feels to hear that. That you're done with keeping your feelings to yourself. That you stopped hiding it from me. I appreciate that you're letting it show. And I also appreciate you not turning me down tonight. I really missed you, us."

"As if I could resist to you. Considering how though the last days were, not only for me but for you as well, we both need it. This feels so good. I'm so glad that I'm managing to stop fighting my feelings. It's just the beginning but it's progress."

"I'll be here for you in every step of this progress. I promise you, I'll win this stubborn, but precious, heart of yours." Erik said and moved so he could lean down and place a kiss on Jonas’ chest, right over his heart, keeping his lips over the brunette's skin for extra seconds.

Jonas was touched by Erik's act. Once Erik was done, he moved to lie on the bed. They were both lying on their sides, facing each other. There was a small space between them which Jonas used to reach Erik's hand and intertwine their fingers.

"You know, thinking about that day we broke up. When I tried to get in your pants."

"And I turned you down because it wasn't fair, not when we're aware of ours feelings, knowing we could have it better by doing it the right way."

"I totally agree with you. At the moment I was afraid of loosing you with no turning back, and I thought we could have one last time, even if it meant rushing things and keeping neglecting our feelings. And without thinking it through, I said something stupid."

"Did you? I don't remember."

"I said that I didn't see difference between casual sex and love making. That has to be the stupidest thing I ever said. I was too needy and just wanting to get into your pants. But that's no excuse. It's was bad. I know it's so much better when there's love involved. It's not just something physical. It's much more about emotions, our passion, a connection of our souls. A moment of surrender to the love we feel and give in completely and unconditionally to the other. When the time is right I promise you that I'll show you that I do know better. I'll show you love. But it's gonna take time. We should take things slow."

"Like I said, there's no pressure for a decision. Take your time."

"I appreciate that."

"Just know that, if you ever want to be in love..." Erik made a pause to steal a quick kiss. "... I'll be around."

And once again Jonas couldn't resist but to close the distance and take Erik's lips in his. A few tender kisses later, Erik placed his head over Jonas’ chest. He fell asleep to the sound of Jonas’ heartbeats. Meanwhile, Jonas put his arms around Erik's back, falling asleep with the blonde safely in his arms. And for the first time in days both of them had a full night of peaceful sleep. Together.

Definitely, there couldn't have been a better way to start the new year than this.

 **Where are we now?**  
**With this talk we can stitch it up**  
**Don't rule it out**

 **If you want, we can walk around**  
**Maybe that would be enough**  
**You still talk, drink into the night**  
**I would wake up on the front room floor**  
**All alone, you'd be in my bed make me crazy**  
**Make me want you more**

 **I'll come around if you ever wanna be in love**  
**I'm not waiting but I'm willing if you call me up**  
**If you ever wanna be in love I'll come** **around**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated. Feedback is what keeps me going with this story.


	37. "I'll wait"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boys enjoys their last day in Rio.
> 
> Hope you like it. Let me know your thoughts.

Chapter 37 - I'll wait

Erik felt himself slowly coming back to his senses but if it were up to him he'd want to keep sleeping for a little longer. He was caught up in an amazing dream. Where he had spent the new year's eve by Jonas side. No wait, something isn't right. It wasn't a dream. It had happened for real. The memories of last night put a smile on his face and the first thing he saw when he woke up was that stunning pair of blue eyes watching him closely.

"Good morning, sunshine." Jonas said, making Erik smile even brighter at the nickname he gave him.

"Good morning, love. You know, I could get used waking up every day to you looking at me this way."

"We gotta get up and ready for breakfast." Jonas blushed slightly at Erik's words.

"What? Are you really telling me that we can't spend the whole day making each other company in this bed?" Erik came closer to Jonas and kissed him. "Who needs breakfast, anyway?"

"According to your mom, you need it."

"What!? My mom was here?" He sat on bed abruptly.

"She just stopped by to call us to go downstairs for breakfast. I was just about to wake you up, but you had such a happy expression on your face that I simply couldn't do anything but to watch you in your sleep."

"I was somehow stuck between dream/reality. I'm so glad you're here with me."

"Making this trip to Rio was the best decision I've made. I wouldn't have it any other way. Too bad we'll be flying back home soon. Today? Tomorrow?"

"Tonight. Which reminds me that you should book a seat on our flight."

"I will. But for now I've got to go back to the room Sophia booked for me. I left my stuff there."

"Do you really have to go? Lets just stay here."

"C'mon, Erik. Get up!" Jonas held his hands pulled him off the bed. "Your parents are waiting for us. I think they have some plans for this morning. I'll meet you downstairs for breakfast soon."

Erik still tried to grab Jonas but the brunette managed to escape his reach. He wouldn't mind staying longer lying with Erik on the bed but he was also looking forward to enjoy his short stay in Rio.

At first Jonas was a little afraid of having breakfast with Erik's parents. Even knowing they had their support, it was still a new situation to which he was still getting used to. He was a bit shy in the beginning but Erik's parents were receptive and warm towards him and he started to feel at easy as time went by.

Afterwards, the four of them left the hotel to go on a sightseeing tour. They went for a ride on a cable car going uphill the 'Pão de açúcar' (Sugar Loaf Mountain). From up there they had a 360° view of the city. Erik watched as Jonas seemed delighted by the sight and he couldn't help but to smile at him as he looked as excited as a child. Eventually, Jonas caught him looking and smiled back at him. He wished he could hold Erik's hand but there were a few other people along them in the cable car. They took a few pictures enjoying the view.

For lunch they headed to a 'churrascaria' (steak house). Sophia had advised him that he couldn't leave without trying the Brazilian barbecue. Erik was glad he followed her advice. He, Jonas and his parents enjoyed the great food. The boys knew they would probably need some extra work out sessions to make up for thay but it was so good that they didn't mind.

On their way out they got stopped by a few people who had recognized them and wanted autographs and to take pictures with them. They took a couple minutes for their requests. Up to now, Erik had been recognized just a few times during his stay in the city. So he didn't mind taking time for fans requests. But when they were in the car back to the hotel, both in the back seat, Erik noticed Jonas was a bit bothered and he didn't even need to ask why.

"Don't over think it, ok? In first place we're best friends. There's nothing wrong with friends traveling together. Besides, Sophia told me that, since she posted a few pictures with me on her instagram, there are people assuming she's my girlfriend. Which could actually be a cover for us."

"I don't like the sound of that."

"Me neither, but it's an option. At least until we decide how to deal with our situation because secrets don't last forever. I don't want to use her in anyway. If someone asks me about it I won't deny or confirm it either. Let them think or assume whatever they want, what really matters is that both of us know the truth."

Around 5pm Erik and Jonas went to beach to enjoy the sunny and hot afternoon and went swimming together. Jonas was surely enjoying his short time in the city. Some times they simply looked like kids playing, splashing water on each other.

Once they were done with swimming, they went for a walk where Erik took Jonas to the same place Sophia had taken him a couple days before. They went over the big rocks and sat there. There were some people around them enjoying the place as well.

"I wish we could watch the sunset together." Erik said as they took a little time to appreciate the view in front of them. "Unfortunately, by this time of the year, it only happens past 8pm and if we waited that much, we'd end up getting late for the flight."

"It's okay. We'll probably have many more sunsets to watch together. At least, I hope so."

"If it's up to me, we'll have plenty of it. I want this, Jonas. And I know you want this too. But I'm afraid you might end up letting your fears stop you from giving us a chance. I really want us to be together. I'll take whatever you're willing to give me."

"I've been thinking, we only have one life and if we don't make the most of it then we're wasting it."

"Does that mean you're willing to give us a chance?"

"It's complicated, Erik. If we get into a relationship, I don't want to hide it. I mean, we both know it'll be matter of time before it becomes public. No matter how much we try to be careful keeping it private, it'll eventually become of public knowledge. And when I say about not hiding it, it's not about not showing affection in public, of course I don't want to overdo this, but I just don't want to have to pretend I feel nothing at all for you. I don't want to pretend to look at you like I look at everyone else."

"I don't want that either. Having to pretend won't do us good. Just like letting your fears spoil your happiness won't do you good."

"I know. And I want to try it. If it doesn't work, at least we tried. It's better than regret later not having tried."

"But if it does work, as I'm sure we want, it has everything to be wonderful. I mean, what could be better than falling in love for your best friend? Someone who you already get along pretty well. Now, I can't promise to make all your fears disappear but I'm sure I'm gonna try my best to help you with whatever fear you might have. You can count on me. Always."

"Are you even real, Erik?"

"What? Why?"

"You're just... Perfect."

"So are you. Now I wonder how we stand. We broke up but we made out last night. And you're willing to give us a chance. Does this mean we can finally be together?"

"No."

"No?" Erik couldn't hide the surprise in his voice.

"Let's say we officially become boyfriends now, tell me, how are we supposed to survive the training camp in La Manga? How can we spend 10 days being so close but still having to pretend there's nothing going on, to pretend we don't want to have a little time by ourselves? How are we supposed to act normal when deep inside we're dying to kiss each other? It's gonna be a nightmare, don't you think?"

"Thinking like that, you're right. But what about after that then?"

"We can start over. You know, do this the right way. But I'm afraid you might give up if I keep asking you to wait more time."

"I'll give you the time you need. I'll wait for you. There's no such thing as me giving up on you, Jonas. It would help you If you'd stop being insecure. Believe me, you have nothing to be insecure about."

"I'm working on that. Just to know that I don't have to fight Sophia for your love already helps me."

"Dear God, thank you. Finally you understood Sophia is just a friend to me. What made you see the light?"

"She talked to me. She made me understand that she's on our side. Well, after what she has done for us here, I have no reason to ever doubt her again."

"I told you she's nice and trustworthy. Hopefully now you two can get along."

" As long as she won't be too nice to you again."

"That was my mistake. Don't blame her. I underestimated your feelings because I didn't know how serious they were. Do you see how important it was talking about our feelings? Now we both know how we feel, no more misunderstandings, no more jumping to the wrong conclusions, no more hurting one another. Just love from now on. At least, this is how I want and expect it to go."

"I want the same." Jonas said, offering his hand for Erik to shake it. "How about this: new year, new start. We'll let things happen the way they should. The right way. Like you said, we can have better and I so want that. How does that sound?"

"I'd love that." Erik shook Jonas hand with excitement.

"I really wish I could kiss you right now."

"Me too. What are we still doing here? Let's go back to the hotel."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is a continuation of this one and that will be the last before they go back home.
> 
> So...Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated.


	38. "Stuck in a moment"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time to flight back home.
> 
> It's taking longer than usual for new updates, I know. I've been having a little writer's block. To add to that, whenever I'm on the mood to write, I start having headaches and the pain keeps me from concentrating. So, lately I'm not managing to write much and that's why I slowed down the update's pace.
> 
> Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy it. Feedback is always appreciated.

Chapter 38 - Stuck in a moment

When they got back to Erik’s room it was about time to start getting things ready for their flight back home. They would meet his parents for dinner in about an hour so Erik headed to the shower and Jonas said he'd wait for his time. But he got bored.

Erik was distracted, spreading shampoo on his hair and almost took a fright when Jonas walked behind him, placing a kiss on the small curve between his shoulder and neck.

"Whoa! What are you trying to do? To scare me?"

"No, the only thing I wanna do right now is to love you." Jonas answered and placed a kiss on the blonde's neck this time.

"Whatever happened to waiting to get through La Manga?" Erik turned around and noticed Jonas was also naked so he gave space for him to join the shower.

"We're not in La Manga, are we? This is still Rio. Besides, since I had to take a shower anyway, I thought why not taking a shower with you? That will save us time."

"I like the way you think, love."

Hearing Erik calling him 'love' was too much for Jonas to take. He took a firm hold of Erik's chin bringing his face slightly downward and closed the distance between their lips. Jonas gave in completely into that kiss. He gave in for the love he felt for Erik. And Erik replied to his kiss with just as much excitement, eagerness and passion. They were getting totally into their own moment and it was like nothing else matters. And in fact, it didn't. Jonas was with the man he loved, what else would ever matter in that moment?

Jonas felt a good sensation running through his body while going through that endless endearing kiss they were sharing. Even if he wanted he couldn't fight his feelings any longer. And he was so glad about that. Letting his love guide him was way much better.

The water kept falling over their heads and bodies getting them completely wet. Jonas attention was totally devoted to explore every bit of Erik's mouth, and at every time their tongues collided it'd made Jonas shiver and he enjoyed every bit of it. As they kissed Erik would slide his fingers slowly through his hair, taking some time to caress the back of his head which made Jonas think he was getting dangerously close to loose his mind.

Neither of them wanted to break the kiss but they had to or else they'd run out of air. Jonas finally opened his eyes again but Erik seemed to be left quite stunned by the kiss to open his eyes. Jonas then kissed the tip of his nose, making the blonde smile. When Erik opened his eyes again they locked eyes. Their faces were too close and once again it made Jonas feel like staring at his soul. Like some say: 'the eyes are the windows to the soul'. And it was wonderful to stare at such precious soul. He wouldn't mind if they could get stuck in that moment.

Unfortunately, they couldn't. But in this case it wasn't a bad thing. In the next moment Jonas’ felt Erik's lips exploring his neck. That was his weakness and Erik knew it too damn well. Erik let his lips linger on his skin, going up and down, moving his tongue very slowly just to tease the brunette. Jonas had to fight back his moans and find a distraction or he would end up going insane. He put his arms around the blonde's back and started to stroke it. At some point he let his hands go downwards over Erik's ass. Without stop kissing his neck, Erik whispered against his skin.

"You should be careful about where you take your hands. Otherwise, I'm not responsible for my reaction."

"Then I won't be careful at all, baby." Jonas replied making Erik moan at the nickname.

Erik pulled him in for a fiery, but passion filled, kiss. Trying to show him through it how Jonas was making him feel good. Apparently it worked because Jonas seemed focused on showing how much he desired and loved him as well.

"Damn... How are we... Supposed to make it... Through La Manga... Without this?" Jonas kissed him at every pause and when he was over with the question.

"I don't know. I make myself the same question."

It took them a whole lot of strength not to take things futher. They had promised to take it slow and that's how they'd do it. So they finally turned their attention to what they had actually came to do there: taking a shower.

In theory, showing together would save time. But that didn't happen in practice. Not with thwm getting caught up in a little make out now and them. Or having fun helping each other wash. At some point Jonas grabbed the soap spreading it on Erik's shoulders and back. He took the opportunity and gave Erik a little massage on the shoulders. Erik sighed happily at how Jonas’ hands relaxed his body.

In the end they took more time then expected and were almost late for dinner. But they surely didn't mind it at all. After putting in new clothes, Jonas still had to wait, patiently, for Erik to fix his hair. The blonde always had it perfectly fixed, not a single strand of hair out of place.

After having dinner with Erik's parents the boys returned to Erik's room so he could finish packing his things to travel home. He was telling Jonas some of the things he did in Rio when they heard a knock to the door. It was Sophia. Erik let her in.

"Hello, boys! Is this a good time or I'm I interrupting something?"

"No, it's okay." Jonas said greeting her.

"Hey, what happened? You kinda disappeared today." Erik asked. "We took the cable car for the Sugar Loaf Mountain tour on the morning. I sent you an invitation to come with us but you didn't reply."

"I'd have love to go with you but I couldn't. I wasn't feeling well. I had a heavy nausea on the morning. Couldn't do much of anything."

"Nausea?" Jonas asked with his eyebrows furrowed.

"It was probably the alcohol I had last night. I'm not used to drink but yesterday I had like three glasses of champagne. It was more than I could take, apparently."

"Are you feeling any better now?" Erik asked.

"Much better, don't worry. Anyway, on the afternoon I had to stop by the office. We'll soon start planning the coverage for the second half of Bundesliga. Once I was done I thought about meeting you earlier but I bet you probably wanted to spend time with one another so I didn't want to bother. But here I'm now. I'm sad that you're already going home but it has been amazing having you here."

"I wouldn't mind staying for a few more days. However, our trainings will start soon. And honestly, I can't wait for that. I don't like staying away from football for too long. I had a good rest but I miss playing already."

"Jonas, I'm sorry you're only spending one day here. Blame Erik for that. I told him, since the first time he told me about his plan, to invite you. According to him, it wasn't a good time."

"He was right. We needed some time apart. Only it ended up being worse."

"You guys are too stubborn. You madly miss each and do absolutely nothing about it?" Sophia asked and sat near the boys. "Maybe it isn't fair for me to talk about this once I don't know exactly how things go between you. And I can't say about you, Jonas, but I've seen how Erik seemed distant quite often. Or how he kept wishing you were here. It just wasn't right that he felt this way. And since he wouldn't do anything about it then I'm glad I did."

"I appreciate so much your help. I was afraid of trusting you at first and didn't know why you were so willingly to help us. But I wanted so bad to be here with Erik. And that wouldn't have happened if it weren't for you. So, I really appreciated what you did. Thank you." Jonas said and kissed her hand.

"Wow, such a gentleman, aren't you? Anyway, seeing how happy you look now shows me it was worth. Love is worthy. I envy what you have, in a good way, of course. The way you look at each other, that itself conveys so much love. It's beautiful to see. I guess that's life. Love is wonderful for some but sucks for others."

"You know what they say: good actions are rewarded with good things. You did something good for us" Erik said. "Who knows, something good may come your way. Just give it time."

"And when that happens, don't turn your back to love. Just let it be. Otherwise, how do you expect someone to put the pieces together if you aren't willing to give a chance to anyone?" Jonas said then he remembered something. "You know, Erik, I've talked to her and to me, she sounds just as much frustrated with love as Marco is."

"I didn't realize that but now that you're saying so, it does sound like Marco. And I think people with issues like that are bound to get over them together and find happiness together."

"I'm not sure I like where you are going with this." Sophia said looking from one to another.

"Coincidentally or not, she uses exactly the same excuse as Marco. The same old: 'I love myself..." Jonas started.

"... 'I don't need anyone else to love me'." Erik finished.

"Exactly. Erik, I think we have some introductions to make."

"And I think I have some butts to kick." Sophia replied annoyed. "Besides, he's not even my type."

"Germans are your type." Erik said.

"True. But not him. I'm great with how my life is going right now. I don't need complications. I'm truly happy for helping you guys and that's enough for me."

"And it meant a lot for us. We're really thankful for that." Erik said. "So, are you going back to Germany with us tonight?"

"Oh, no. I'll only be back in Germany a few days before the Bundesliga returns. It'll take a while for us to meet again. Besides, I bet you'll be too busy with Jonas to miss me. Seriously though, you're are heading into a new start, I'm sure you'll want to spent a lot of time together, to make this work and I don't want to disturb you. Sure, maybe we can go out or something whenever I stay in Dortmund. Although, I'm starting to think I should avoid you two because I'm sure you won't drop the 'introducing me to Marco' idea."

"No!" Both boys said together. Erik then continued. "He's great person with bad luck in love. Just like you."

"Working with football gives me an insight on how much of a crazy routine a football player's life is. Dating a football player is definitely not for me. And then you have Marco which considering all the attention he gets, it must be a hundred times worse. I couldn't keep up with that."

"I'm not telling you to marry the guy. Just get to know him at least."

"Maybe. I won't promise anything. Anyway, are you guys ready to go? I'll drive you to the airport."

The three of them joined Erik's parents to check out of the hotel. As Sophia drove them to the airport they cheerfully talked about the memories of that trip. Before they made the check in, Sophia said goodbye to them. She wished the boys all the best and gave them hugs. Jonas involved her in a tight hug, still thanking her for the little help she gave them.

Erik and Jonas walked inside the plane holding hands, going back home, ready for a new start. They sat side by side. It would be another long flight. Which was quite exhausting, specifically for Jonas who were taking the second long flight in the space of 2 days. This time he had Erik with him so he didn't mind. They were both excitedly thinking about the things that were about to come when they fell asleep leaning against one another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are appreciated.


	39. "Slow motion"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time to get back to work.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter. Let me know your thoughts.

Chapter 39 - Slow motion

After coming back home Erik only met Jonas again at the traditional Borussia's new year's party. Where all the players, staff and their families gathered for lunch. The players were told about the plans and goals for the second half of the season. On the following day they would be going under medical exames, as usual after the breaks, and then on Wednesday they'd travel to La Manga.

For now everyone was just happy after a good rest, sharing the stories of their winter break. Erik had lost the count of how many time he had to tell about his paragliding experience but he didn't mind, after all, it was really something unforgettable. Since Erik had posted one of the pictures he took on the new year's eve, along Jonas and Sophia, on his instagram, it wasn't a secret that Jonas had been with him in Rio. Only a few people knew the real reason, for the others it was just two great friends spending time together.

Some even asked him if Sophia was his girlfriend which bothered Jonas but he was glad Erik denied it. To their surprise, Marco made a comment on how pretty she was and Erik and Jonas couldn't help but to look at each other with a knowing smile on their faces, leaving Marco confused at their reactions.

Jonas was looking forward to the training camp in La Manga. He was always wanting to do what he loves the most and work to improve his skills, because there was alwaye something you could improve. However, on Monday he woke up feeling sick. He drove to Brackel for the medical tests. When he was done with them, the team doctor sent him home with a prescription for his flu. On the parking lot he walked past Erik, who immediately knew he wasn't feeling well but Jonas didn't want to worry him and told him that he was okay.

But he wasn't. He had a fever, a sore throat, his whole body was painful, he felt tired even not having done anything and he was sneezing too often for his liking. When he got home he took the medice and then took a shower. He didn't feel like showering at all but maybe it would help him feel better so he took it. Later, after dressing in his pajamas, he took a blanket and headed to the couch to lie there. It was abo it 8pm, it was still early to sleep but he didn't feel like doing anything at all, not even having dinner.

He turned the TV on and there was an NFL (American football) match being showed. New England Patriots vs Seattle Seahawks. He was about to lie on the couch and watch it when he heard the doorbell ring. It was the last thing he expected. He used the little strength he still had and walked to the door. It was Erik.

"I'm sick. You shouldn't be here."

"And yet I am. And I'm not leaving anytime soon." Erik said and made his way inside till the kitchen counter where he placed the bags he had been holding. "So. I've heard you got sick and I didn't want you to be all alone here. So I decided to come by."

"I don't think it's a good idea..."

"AND... I bought take out from your favorite Japonese restaurant. And some other things for later. I bet you were about to sleep without even eating anything, weren't you?"

"I'm not feeling like eating."

"And how do you plan on getting healthy quickly being careless? I'm not gonna let that happen. Fight me if you want but I'm not letting you get weaker than you already look like."

Jonas knew that no matter what he said Erik wouldn't give up helping him. He didn't want to get Erik sick as well but deep inside Jonas was glad he was there. Once Erik settled everything for them to eat, he brought the food to Jonas, then got his own plate and joined him on the couch. They would watch the NFL match together.

Jonas smiled as he watched Erik struggle to use the chopsticks. He seemed to be trying really hard but failing at every attempt to get the food. Jonas decided try to teach him ho to use them, secretly enjoying every time their hands touched. He ended up laughing when Erik still couldn't do it right.

"Please, do yourself a favor and get a fork, otherwise, you'll starve until you finally learn how to use them, if you actually get to learn it at all."

"And that's why you'll never see me in a Japanese restaurant. I simply can't use them. Kagawa tried to teach me once but I suppose I don't need to say how that went."

They had dinner together while watching the match. Each picked a team who they'd support and had fun through it. Once they both had finished their meal, Erik told Jonas to get comfortable and rest while he'd wash the dishes and let everything clean so Jonas wouldn't have to worry about it.

Near sleeping time, Erik helped Jonas to his bed and headed to the kitchen. Ten minutes later and Erik wasn't back yet. Jonas started to wonder what he was up to and was about to call him when Erik came back.

"Hey, I made you tea and I bought your favorite cookies as well." Erik handed him the cup and the plate with the cookies. "To be honest, I'm not sure how much helpful this is but I just thought it could make you feel better. I hope it does, even if just a little bit."

"This is perfect." Jonas took a sip of his tea and then had a bite of one the cookie "Oh my god, it's so delicious. I missed these cookies. I appreciate you getting me these."

"I'm sure our team nutritionist won't appreciate it but he doesn't have to know, right?"

"What even are you talking about? I'm just enjoying my tea. I know nothing about cookies." Jonas joked. "Seriously though, I love that you are here, bringing me all these good stuff, helping me to feel better. But I think it's risky. The last time you got the flu it knocked you down for like three weeks. I don't want to get you sick."

"I know how much you love taking part of the training camps and I just don't want you to miss La Manga. Even more knowing it's my fault that you got sick."

"How is that your fault?"

"If you hadn't been in Rio then you wouldn't be sick now. The abrupt weather change is taking its tool on you now. You left Germany's 3°C to arrive in Rio's over 30°C. And in the space of 3 days you spent a whole day inside a plane between going there and coming back. Now you're sick because..."

"Erik, stop blaming yourself, ok? I'd have gone there no matter what. If that got me sick, I don't mind at all because I had an amazing time there, every minute with you was great. I would do it again if we went back in time. Don't worry, I'm taking the medicine and along with your help I should hopefully be better by Wednesday, even if not fully 100% yet. And I'd advise you to sleep on the couch but I bet you won't listen to me."

"No. I came here not to leave you alone, so I'm not leaving you alone. I can't guarantee that I won't get sick but I don't care. I just want to be here with you."

When Jonas finished his tea and ate a few cookies he gave space for Erik to lay beside him. Erik knew Jonas was right that this was a bit risk but he really couldn't care less. It would take so many days till they could be alone again so he just used this chance. Jonas was almost falling asleep when he whispered.

"Thank you for taking care of me."

"I like doing it. I just want you to feel better soon." Erik said and before Jonas would fall asleep he moved slightly to kiss the spot on Jonas’ chest right over his heart, through the sweatshirt, the same gesture he did when they spent the night together in Rio.

"You're doing this again. Why?"

"I'm thinking about making this 'kissing your heart' a thing. Just to remind you everyday that I love you."

"Like I'd dare to forget it. I love you too, honey." And those were Jonas’ last words before falling asleep.

Jonas was glad that by Wednesday he was feeling so much better. 90% he'd say but in conditions to make it to La Manga. Erik and Jonas didn't know what to expect to happen being together through those 9 days in the training camp but at the same time having to act like there was nothing going on. As much as they wanted to share a room they decided for their own sake to stay in different rooms. Erik would stay with Bürki and Jonas with Castro.

Most of the time it wasn't so bad. Because they'd interact with other players and it was important since they didn't want their relationship to change that and eventually make it become suspicious. But at other times they wished to spend some time together. At one the nights, after dinner Jonas came by Erik's room where they had a little chat. Then Jonas simply wanted to kiss Erik, it was getting harder for Jonas to resist staying away, and they were already o going for it but Bürki almost caught them. Both of them cursed mentally at it but at the same time it reminded them that it was careless.

The trainings were going well. But there was a little odd moment. Usually Tuchel would put Jonas and Erik to train in the same team. This time, however, he made some changes for the afternoon training, putting them in different teams, and Erik had to block any attacking attempt from Jonas. It was defense focused training and obviously Erik had to stop any attempt, but mostly from Jonas.

In one play, Jonas ran forward and soon Erik was there to try to intercept him. Jonas stopped and tried to dribble the defender. In order to get the ball, Erik came from behind, pressing him. Jonas felt Erik's body too close to his and giving the timing, it wasn't a good thing.

As much as Jonas knew football was a sport where body contact was part of it, the move from Erik got him bothered. Even knowing that Erik was only doing his job.

Jonas turned around and pushed him away, not forcefully. Erik stopped and raised his hands in confusion, finding it odd the brunette's reaction. Jonas just walked away from him to get the ball back.

Later when the training was over, Jonas and Erik stayed on the field, playing with the ball. When there wasn't anyone else near them, Erik came closer to Jonas and they kicked the ball around.

"What was that?"

"Look, you can press your body against mine whenever you want when we're in a private place. Please, not here."

"Do you think I... Jonas, I was being professional, only doing my job. I have to mark you, the body contact is inevitable. I'll fail if I don't press you. This is football's basics. You know the drill."

"Yeah, I know. But something down here doesn't." Jonas admitted, flushing. "My body is starting to react to you being this close and I can't control it. So, take it easy whenever you need to take the ball from me."

"Are you serious?" Erik laughed but soon stopped when he saw Jonas looking down. "I swear I didn't do it in purpose. Still, you never had trouble controlling yourself around me on training. What changed?"

"Remember a while ago when I said that once you admit your feelings you kinda loose control over them. Add to that that we're currently having to hold them back. It's weird. And embarrassing."

"As much as I understand that it's embarrassing, It's also kinda cute."

"Erik, there's nothing cute about getting embarrassed in front of the whole team."

"But there's something extremely cute about knowing you can no longer resist to me. I like that."

"That's you saying. I didn't say I can't resist."

"Well, I think words aren't necessary right now." Erik grinned. Jonas punched him playfully. "C'mon, time to hit the shower. Mostly for you." Erik wrapped one arm around the brunette's shoulder as they started to walk.

"Too much for avoiding body contact, don't you think?"

"What can I say? Can't stay away." Erik's eyes met Jonas’ and they smiled at each other.

On Saturday they had a friendly match against a Spanish team and won it. And that gave them the Saturday night and the whole Sunday off. Some of the boys decided to go out around the city and enjoy the night. Jonas wasn't feeling like going and Erik had decided to go. He had already dressed up, and even got to meet the guys outside but then he felt bad for leaving Jonas behind. The last time he had seen him, the boy seemed distracted but wouldn't say anything. Erik was along a group of 6 players, just waiting for Marco and Auba to show up.

Erik gave up going with them, excused himself and headed to Jonas' room. Gonzalo would be probably there but luckily Bürki was going out with the guys. Erik asked Gonzalo if he could 'borrow' Jonas and then the two of them headed to his room. Erik sat cross-legged on his bed and Jonas sat, cross-legged as well, on the same bed, facing him.

"Weren't you going out with the guys?" Jonas asked quietly.

"How could I have a good time knowing you're not having one? I felt bad for leaving you behind. I think sometimes I worry more about your well-being than my own. That's what love do to us, I suppose."

"You didn't need to. You had a nice match this afternoon, you deserve to have some fun."

"And so do you. But honestly, I feel so much better staying here with you. At least we have a little time to spend together. Anyway, it seems to me that there's something bothering you. Wanna talk about it?"

"My parents are coming over for the first home match of the year. I was with them on Christmas and I tried to talk about what is going on. I gathered some courage but I ended up giving up to say anything. But I'm starting to feel suffocated for having to hide the truth. And I can't keep delaying this conversation. I wanna take the opportunity of having them visiting me to face it once for all. But no matter what I just don't feel ready for that."

"You don't have to do this alone, okay?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're just fighting for your right to be happy." Erik said and held Jonas’ hand. "You're fighting for you and me. Which means that we're in this together. I want to be with you and not only for the good times but also for whenever you need me to be there for you."

"Would you to that for me?"

"Of course. If you want I can be there to support you when the time comes for you to talk to them. I have no idea how that will go but I promise I'll do my best to help you."

"The way you support me is overwhelming. It only makes me love you even more. Sometimes it's a bit scary how stronger these feelings are getting. But I'm so glad it's you for whom I feel this way. And you can be sure that I'll always be there for you as well."

"I know, love. Like I said, we're in this together. For everything."

"For everything, honey." Jonas agreed.

They chatted about random stuff for about an hour before ending up falling asleep on Erik's bed, forgetting for a moment the fact that Bürki would be back after the night out. And indeed, they never got see the look of surprise and confusion on the goalkeeper's face when he got inside the room and saw them sharing that single bed.

Only earlier on the morning, when they woke up, they realized they weren't in any of their places, but in the hotel. Realizing Bürki must have seen them. At that point the goalkeeper had already gone for breakfast. And so the boys joined all the players. Whatever Bürki had seen, whatever conclusion he may have gotten by that, he didn't make any comment about it and they were grateful for that.

It was very though going through La Manga having to control their feelings but they survived. As much as they really wanted to kiss, even if a quick one, they always had in mind that they were there for work and they'd respect that.

Once they got back to Germany, Jonas was hopeful that they'd finally have time for themselves. However, Erik got himself busy with something which he wouldn't say what it was. He'd say he was just taking care of a few 'personal stuff.' After the trainings he'd usually go out to deal with whatever that was. After it happening for so many days, Jonas started to get curious and even worried but Erik was still keeping a secret. Seeing that Jonas was getting worried, Erik said he'd find out soon.

Almost three weeks of trainings and preparations, they were ready to start the second half of the season. An away game against Borussia Mönchengladbach. Erik would be on the starting XI and Jonas on the bench.

It was a tight match. With good opportunities for borh sides. Auba scored in the first half but the other team equalized just before the end of the first half. On the second half, by the 60th minute, Jonas replaced Kagawa. He helped to create the second goal, scored by Weigl.

Mönchengladbach then started to press them, trying to force Dortmund's defense to make a mistake. Around the 78th minute the home team won a corner. Even Jonas came back to help defending.

Suddenly, everything seemed to be happening in slow motion. Jonas watched as the ball got crossed on the air and he saw the exact moment when Erik jumped, along an opponent player, to take the ball away from there with a header. But Erik didn't hit the ball.

Jonas watched as Erik hit his head hard against the other player's head. Erik fell motionless on the ground. At first Jonas was stunned by what he had just seen to even react. Then he noticed Mats gesturing frantically for the doctors to come over and finally realized it was serious. Jonas then ran to where they were.

"Erik...?"

Jonas could barely say anything. Seeing his beloved one lying unconscious on the ground with blood dripping out of a cut near his right eyebrow shocked and scared him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are appreciated.


	40. Lucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erik is injured and has to be taken to the hospital. Jonas can't stop himself from rushing there to see how he is doing.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter. Let me know your thoughts.

Chapter 40 - Lucky

Jonas watched desolated as Erik was being, quickly, carried off of the pitch, still unconscious, on the stretcher. He had wanted to hold Erik's hand but Mats kept him away to let the doctors take care of the blonde. There was nothing he wanted to do more other than to go with him. But he knew he had to be professional. As much as it hurt seeing Erik in that condition there was nothing he could do other than to pray for the best. He tried to walk back to his position but his feet wouldn't move at all. Bürki had give him a little push.

"He's going to be alright." The goalkeeper said stopping by his side.

"You don't know that."

"10 minutes and this match will be over. Keep holding on. Erik wouldn't want you to loose your concentration knowing you still can make the difference. We already lost him, so we need you."

The goalkeeper was right. They still had to secure that win. And as it was typical of them to end up conceding near the end, they couldn't take that 2-1 score for granted. Erik got knocked out doing everything he could to defende the team. Jonas wouldn't let that be in vain. Even being slightly emotionally distracted, he knew they had to win that match. For Erik.

Piszczek came in to Erik's place. Tuchel's third substitution. So, even if he wanted to go with Erik, he couldn't. Unless he decided to simply abandon the match and leave the pitch but that would be highly unprofessional and more suspicious than his reaction was already being.

Those were the longest 10 minutes of his life. The final whistle wouldn't come anytime time soon. In the meanwhile, he even had a chance to score but he missed the target badly. No surprise giving how worried he was getting. He just couldn't help it.

When the match was finally over he still had to stay and greet the fans. But once they were over with that Jonas ran back to the changing room, took a quick shower, grabbed his stuff, remembering getting Erik's as well and asked around where he had been taken.

He told Matze where he was heading in case anyone asked about him. Jonas took a cab to the hospital and luckly it was a quick trip. On the way there he called Tuchel, who he hadn't seen in the changing room, and told him what he was doing and asking permission to stay on the hospital with Erik, which would make him miss the bus trip back to Dortmund. The coach's answer was that he was on his way to the hospital as well.

Getting there he rushed to meet the team's doctor in the waiting room. The doctor was surprised by his presence there.

"Hofmann, what are you doing here?"

"I just want to know how Erik is doing."

"He's undergoing some exames right now. He suffered a concussion and they're checking the extent of it. Don't worry, it's not bad. He has recovered his consciousness on the way here."

So Erik was awake. Good news, at least he hoped so. He sat on one of the chairs to wait for news. In the meanwhile he got a call from Erik's mother. She was worried, naturally, asking him if he had news on her son. He told her what he knew but would let her know about any update on his condition.

He thought it would take an eternity to get news but luckily the hospital doctor came out after a couple minutes to give them the update.

"The patient, Mr Durm, is doing well. When he came back to consciousness he was quite agitated and confused. We had to give him a small dose of sedative in order to do the exams. He should wake up again in about an hour. The exams didn't show any damage but in case of concussions we keep the patient under observation for 24 hours to make sure he won't fall unconscious again and to keep an eye for the possibility of new symptoms."

Jonas was relieved for the good news but it still wasn't enough. He wanted to see Erik. After insisting a lot Jonas was allowed to spend the night in Erik's room, making him company.

There were a few chairs in the room, he dropped both of their backpacks he had been holding on them and put a chair near Erik's bed just so he could sit close to his beloved one. Erik was peaceful in his sleep. He had some stitches to the cut he suffered near his right eyebrow.

He reached for Erik's hand, giving it a kiss and then kept holding his hand as he watched him sleep. He didn't know but Tuchel was just outside by the door and saw his gesture.

"Hey, Jonas, are you okay?" The coach said as he walked inside.

"I'm just worried about Erik." Jonas replied, not bothering to let go of Erik's hand.

"It's nothing bad, he'll be fine."

"I know, I heard the news. I feel better now. But it was scary seeing what happened."

"The team doctor is staying for the night on a hotel nearby to keep up with Erik's situation. But it's about time for the bus trip..."

"Please, let me stay here with him? There's no training tomorrow, anyway."

"Are you sure you want to stay?"

"More than sure. If I go home I'll get really worried not knowing how he's doing through the night. I won't be able to sleep. I want to be here with him. That way I'll be sure he's okay. And I'll be okay too.."

"Alright. If you need anything, call the team's doctor." Tuchel was already leaving but turned back for one last question. "Listen, I'm not here to judge anyone or anything but.... You and Erik, it isn't just a friendship, it's much more than that, isn't it?"

"Yes, it's more than just a friendship." Jonas was honest, there was no point in denying the obvious. He'd end up knowing sooner or later. "But I rather not talk about this. For now, I simply can't leave him alone here."

Tuchel just nodded and left the room closing the door, giving them privacy. Jonas sighed turning his attention back to Erik who was still deep in his sleep. Jonas was still holding his hand and then started to caress it, keeping his head down. He felt like talking, which was a little useless since Erik couldn't hear him, but he could at least get himself distracted from his worries.

"You know, I have some fears when it comes to a relationship between us. Most of them are about the negativity we might get when this goes public. We both know, whether we want it or not it'll eventually happen, hopefully not in a bad way, though. But these fears are nowhere near the one I'm feeling now. The fear of loosing you."

"Yeah, I know, I'm probably overreacting but it was scary. The head collision and the nasty fall. That moment keeps replaying itself in slow motion over and over in my mind. Which reminds me of something you said a while ago. That 'tomorrow' is an uncertainty. That you never know what will happen. Two hours ago you were fine but now you're in this hospital bed. Thankfully, according to the doctor, it's not bad. But I didn't know that by the time I saw it happening. Knowing how head traumas are complicated I just can't help but to fear the consequences. I'll only stop worrying when you wake up again."

"Situations like this one are kinda of a warning. We, as in people in general, take time for granted. It's a dangerous thing to do. Because we're young and we think we'll have all the time in the world. We keep leaving things to deal with on the next day, month, year... But what if we won't have them? We never know, right?"

"It makes me feel like a fool right now. I just keep delaying my official 'yes, I want to have a relationship with you' decision because of fears. Which thinking about them, has nothing to do with us directly, but for the negative reactions we might get and how it could affect us. I should stop letting the fears spoil our happiness and live the moment. The present is the only sure thing we have, so we should make the most of it. You're right, I worry too much sometimes. I should take step by step, without worrying about a distant future. It's time for me to stop holding back, let these insecurities aside and give myself 100% into a relationship with you."

"If there's something I'm not insecure at all about is what I feel for you. You know, using an example, we got to meet new people, like them but sometimes it's hard to see when it cross the line between liking and loving someone. Usually when we notice that it's already out of control. But when it comes to you and me, I saw myself starting to cross that line and I had to back down and make it stop. Or at least, to try to."

"I'd say you being called up for the World Cup triggered changes on our friendship. Before that, we grew to be great friends since we first met. And we helped each other improving as football players as well. Training hard together, never letting the other get upset when things didn't seem to be going anywhere. Our evolution as players happened at the same pace because we'd always be together. But suddenly, your name was on the list for the World Cup. You know pretty well that I was so happy for you. So proud of what you archived in such relatively short time. It hadn't completed even a year since your Bundesliga debut. You were given opportunities and did the best with them. The call up was a result of your hard work. You earned it. However, right from that moment, I knew things would never be the same. Our careers, that up to that point were going at the same pace, was taking different paths."

"It was the first time I experienced the fear of loosing you. It was weird, though. You're my friend so why was I feeling that way? I was afraid the World Cup would change you. Unfortunately, you didn't get to play. But you were there. You were part of the team just like everyone else. You trained hard to be ready if you were ever needed. And helped your team mates off pitch, helping to keep a good environment, one of the main things that contributed for wining the tournament. You dedicated almost fifty days of your life for that. You have stories to tell which proves you were part of that. And the good thing is: you already have the experience of one World Cup, so for the next one you'll be better prepared, knowing how that goes."

"Winning a World Cup can boost one's ego. For a moment I feared a new Erik would come back from Brazil and I wasn't sure I'd like that. But even better to see Germany wining it, it was seeing the old Erik back. You started getting a lot of attention but you were still the down to earth, humble, laid back guy. I admire that you didn't let it change you. I liked you even more for that. And then there was the Bayern's offer. A lot of people would call you insane for turning it down. But you did, you choose to stay true to the things and people who matter to you. I still hate that prank you played on me but I was touched that you choose to stay."

"Since we met that was the first time we were away from each other for such long time. I found myself missing you in a way I didn't understand. It confused me and it couldn't be good. I was starting to feel things I shouldn't and I had to find a way to ignore it. When we met again for the new season, our careers weren't at the same pace any longer. You were a weitmeister, you had your place practically granted on the starting XI. Me? I knew, given the good players we have, I was bound to start most matches on the bench. Then Mainz approached me offering me more playing time. Which was what I wanted but also it was a good opportunity for me to get away from you, not that I'd want that, but I had to make these odd feelings I was starting to have for you go away. I thought that one year at Mainz would help me not only career wise but personal too. The day I left, I made a point to come back. Hopefully, having things sorted out."

"I figured the worst thing a person can do is to ignore feelings. It might work for a while but it'll kick you in the butt eventually. Meanwhile I was focused on football, everything was good. Then I got my first injury. That gave me too much free time for my liking. I started to think about things. I felt bad watching how Borussia was struggling but whenever I thought of you, I felt even bad for you. That's probably when I understood I was liking you more than in a friendly way. At the time it was so wrong. I was with Hellene and for all I knew you were a straight guy who didn't have much luck with women. So, I told myself I'd make these feelings go away somehow."

"Then things started to go downwards with Hellene and we broke up. That surely didn't help me control whatever I was feeling for you. Lucky my rehab took my focus away from anything else. Some time later, still upset with the end of my relationship, I started to wonder how it would be like being with another guy. Like I told you before, I had an experience with one guy but it didn't mean anything and I should forget about it. However, one day the thought of having this experience with you crossed my mind. I was definitely going nuts but I just wanted it so much."

"If I had showed up at door telling you I might be having a crush on you, I thought you'd have freaked out. Even more than your best friend wanting to have sex if you. We were both straight so admitting a crush could have messed us. And you know, people go through many experiences in life to find out what they want for their lives. Casual sex is one of them. I wasn't expecting you to agree with that but I'm so glad you did."

"Having satisfied my curiosity, I thought these odd feelings I had for you would finally disappear. However, it only made me wish to spend more time with you, be it doing things friends do or sharing intimacy. Eventually, I figured that by keeping going with the friends with benefits thing I was only feeding my feelings, making them stronger. And to see that you became completely caught up in that too, letting your feelings for me show, it made me stop ignoring my own feelings."

"Fears and insecurities made me take long enough to admit what I feel for you. But I'm glad I'm over with that. Why would I keep hiding them? I'm not ashamed of us. I'm not ashamed for loving you like I do. And surely I'm not ashamed of how you make me feel loved. I'm sorry if I don't show it that often yet but it's something that will get better with time as we get more at easy into a relationship. I'll be the best boyfriend you'll ever have."

"At least I'll do my best to be. It's only fair. Because you make me feel special. It's special to know there's someone who misses me, who wants to have me around, who waits for me, who is happy to be by my side, who loves me. If that isn't special then what is?"

"Honestly, crossing the line with you was the best decision of my life. I have an amazing friend, a great team mate and a wonderful soon to be boyfriend. Well, since it's not official yet I'm not sure I can already call you that. But anyway, we get along so well and I think that a strong friendship is an important base of a healthy and steady relationship. And as a team mate you help me improve as a player. Some days ago I was checking my statistics on the season so far and I simply play better when we play together, when I have you support on the flanks. It's a fact that 65% of my goals came from your assists."

"I've got to be the luckiest person on earth for being blessed by having you in my life. I'm so lucky for being in love with my best friend. Someone I admire and who takes good care of me. As much as I love football, being with you has become the best part of my day, something I'm always looking forward to."

"So, yeah... I think I've talked too much." Jonas coughed to clear his throat that went dry for talking a lot. "I might struggle a little to express how I feel but it'll get better as I loose some of my insecurities. I've said all those things but summing this up I just wanted you to know how important you are to me, how much I'm growing to love you and how grateful I'm that you didn't turn me down that night I came to your place. Things might not have started the best way, which I don't regret because we had great times together, but at least now we have the chance to make things right and better."

"I'll try my best to keep the things that make me afraid aside. Hopefully, it will go away eventually. I want you. I want us. That's the only thing that matter. My love for you is stronger than anything else. I love you, sunshine. I really do."

Jonas finished his speech kissing Erik's hand once again. What he hadn't realized yet was that a certain pair of green eyes watched him bewitched.

"Do I have to get knocked out more times to hear you expressing your feelings more often?" Erik asked in his sleepy voice, fighting a yawn.

"Thank God you're awake! Wait... You heard what I said?"

"Every single word. I felt you caressing my hand, then you started to talk and I just didn't had the courage to interrupt you. I'm glad I didn't because that was beautiful and I like to understand what is going on inside your mind. That gave me some more insight."

"How are you feeling?"

"Even more in love with you."

"That makes me happy, thanks, but I didn't mean it that way."

"Oh... Right. I'm okay, I guess. The headache is a bit painful, though. I can't remember what happened. Where are we? Dortmund?"

"No, we're still in Mönchengladbach. You had a head collision with Andre Hahn. You suffered a minor concussion and the doctor decided to keep you overnight for precaution."

"How is Hahn? Is he okay?"

"He's fine. You had it worse. Beside the concussion, you also have a few stitches but you'll get better."

"Where is everyone else?"

"They took the bus trip home. The team doctor also stayed behind to keep up with your situation."

"You look tired, you should have gone home to get some proper rest."

"As if I could get any rest while worrying about you. I'm better here with you, knowing you're okay."

"Thanks for staying with me." Erik said.

Jonas started to get closer in order to give Erik a quick kiss but had stop midway because the door was opened and the doctor came in to check on his patient.

Erik slept well through the night, even with a nurse awaking him from time to time to make sure he wasn't falling unconscious through his sleep. Jonas had made himself comfortable, as much as one can possibly be considering where he was, and slept there.

On the next morning Erik woke up feeling better and since he didn't show any other symptom, he was discharged from the hospital on the afternoon. He, Jonas and the team doctor took a train ride back to Dortmund.

Given the chance that new symptoms could appear with time or even falling unconscious again, Erik was advised not to stay alone for the next few days. Jonas suggested he should stay at his place to which Erik agreed. Even cause he was trying to keep Jonas away from his place lately because of some plans he had been doing, and wanted to surprise Jonas.

Erik was also told to avoid sports for at least a week, which meant, no trainings and that he was rulled out of the first home game of the year. Staying at Jonas’ place felt like home, he was very at easy there. It was a bit lonely whenever Jonas had to go to the training but fun once he was back. They even had a little argument because Erik thought Jonas was treating him almost like a kid, worrying too much.

On Saturday night Erik, Jonas and his parents were having dinner together at the brunette's place. Jonas had played in the match against Ingolstad a few hours earlier, which they won and his parents were watching on the grandstand. Erik, who wasn't able to play yet, had stayed home, actually at Jonas’ but he called it home nonetheless, and made dinner for them and Jonas’parents.

The four of them were having a pleasant conversation about that day's match. Erik could feel Jonas a bit nervous and, from underneath the table, put his hand over Jonas’ thigh to remind that he was there for him.

When they all finished eating, Jonas' mother got to the topic that he himself knew it was matter of time, which surprisingly took her longer this time.

"Jonas, dear, since you never talked again about that girl you traveled to Rio for, I supposed it didn't work out. So, I invited Hellene to come with us but oddly she turned my invitation down. She's usually excited to visit you, what happened? Did you have a quarrel or something?"

"No, we're good. She's just not part of my life any longer, at least not the way you want her to be. The reason why she didn't come is because she knows the truth."

"The truth? What truth? What are you talking about?"

"Erik is not here with us tonight by chance. Like I told you already, he's staying over for a few days because of the concussion he had. But there's something else..." Jonas stopped talking to take a deep breath. He was resting his left hand over the table and Erik reached out to hold his hand. Jonas’parents saw that gesture but, apparently, they still didn't get it since they kept looking at them expectantly.

"The truth is that Jonas and I, we're..." This time Erik stopped to look at Jonas, who nodded at him, for him to go ahead and say it. "We're in love with each other."

The silence that followed Erik's confession only left Jonas feeling more nervous, holding his breath, awaiting for their reaction. His parents looked at them in total disbelief. After what seemed like an eternity his mother spoke again.

"If this was supposed to be a joke then I'm afraid it wasn't a good one."

"I believe love to be a serious topic so this is no joke." Erik replied.

"Erik is right. This is serious. We're getting together."

"What the hell are you talking about, Jonas?" His father asked, starting to lose his temper. "What? You're gay now? I didn't raise my son for... This! You better stop with this nonsense!"

And just as quickly as the snap of fingers Jonas’ hopes that things would go on well were gone. Their reactions were just like he imagined it would be and yet it didn't hurt him any less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are appreciated. They keep me motivated and inspired and right now, I really need it.


	41. "Not alone"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for a talk with Jonas’s parents.
> 
> Yay, I'm back with this story. Sorry it took me two weeks to update. I ran out of motivation for a while so this chapter took a month to get written and I literally just finished it now.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the long chapter. Here we go back a few hours from where we stopped last chapter. (Oh, i just reached 100k words... wow)
> 
> Let me know your thoughts.

Chapter 41 - Not alone

_A few hours earlier._

It was Saturday, January 30th. Match day! Against Ingolstadt at Signal Iduna Park. Jonas was in the squad so he had to leave early for the morning training that was part of the preparation to the match. He had promised Erik to stop by after lunch to see him before head to the stadium.

However when he arrived at his place, Erik was nowhere to be seen. He searched every room but nothing. On his nightstand there was a note with Erik's handwriting. 'Be back soon, love.'

Well, Erik could have texted him that. It'd have saved him time. If he knew Erik wouldn't be at home then he'd have gone straight to the stadium. As much as he was looking forward to the match, on this day, he was also a bit anxious because his parents would be there. Of course he loved every time they'd travel there to watch him play but he was worried about after the match. They'd go out together for dinner and Jonas knew, one way or another, he'd come clean to his parents by the end of that night.

For now he just wanted to, at least, see Erik one last time before the match. Apparently, that wasn't going to happen. So he, got something to drink and, since he still had some time left before heading to the stadium, he turned TV on, without paying much attention to it since he was reading some messages on his cellphone. He was about to reply a friend's message when the door was opened and Erik came back carrying a few plastic bags.

"Hey, love! What a nice surprise to see you here. I thought you were heading straight to the stadium."

"Yeah, I just wanted to see you. But to my surprise you weren't here."

"I wanted to stop by my place. It was about time to do the laundry and deal with some other stuff. I left a little after you went to training and should have been back in one hour but Derstroff is in the city and came to visit me." Erik placed the bags on the kitchen counter and turned his attention back to Jonas. "I missed him. You were the one whom I was the closest to since my very first day in this team but then you left for Mainz and I felt a little lost without you here. Then I got to know Julian better and we got along really well. I was upset to know he was leaving for Mainz but at least he's getting to play there and is happy for it."

"Should I be jealous?"

"Ew! No! He's just a friend. How can you even. ..?"

"I know. Just kidding. I just happen to have such a precious boyfriend that sometimes I get afraid of losing you for silly reasons."

"You have nothing to worry. You're not loosing me anytime soon." Erik said, stopping in front of him to steal a kiss. "Wait a minute. Did you just called me boyfriend? Does this mean..."

"Yeah, I want it to be official once for all. I want you to be my boyfriend more than any foolish fear I may have. I want us to be together and enjoy it. We'll deal with things as they come but I don't wanna waste any more time. You have me, baby. I'm all yours."

Jonas could see Erik's eyes sparkling with happiness. At the same time he got lost as hw saw Erik's lips slowly turning into a big smile. It was so beautiful. He was so damn lost. If a simple smile was making him almost melt inside then he knew there was no turning back. He loved that man more than he ever loved someone else.

Distracted on his thoughts he barely realized Erik was pushing towards the couch. He made him sat and then straddled his hips. Jonas immediately kissed him tenderly, savoring the taste of his lips, breaking the kiss a few times only to connect their lips again. Erik placed his hands on each side of Jonas’ face and deepened the kiss. Erik showed him so much devotion and it felt so damn good.

When they had to part for air Erik kissed the corner of his mouth and then let his lips near Jonas’ ear. He whispered 'I love you' with so much fondness on his voice and proceeded to use his tongue to play with Jonas' earlobe. It was such a tease that Jonas couldn't take it.

"Stop! Stop! Stop!"

"Why? What's wrong?"

"The timing? I still gotta a match to play in a couple of hours, remember? I can't afford to loose my mind just now."  
"What a shame. You have no idea about the things I want to do to you, love." Erik voice was becoming hoarse and it only teased Jonas more.

"Well, if it's anything like the things I want then I might have an idea. Unfortunately, we'll have to keep going only with the kisses."

"Which is not bad at all." Erik didn't waste any more second, he claimed Jonas' lips for a breathtaking kiss, where their tongues interacted ever so gently. "God, I absolutely love kissing you. It's sweet but at the same time kinda luscious, it always leaves me wanting more. But for now, sadly, I have to put the food I bought in the fridge." Erik tried to get up from his lap but Jonas held him there."

"It can wait a little longer. I like to have you this close." Jonas gave a quick kiss on his chin, feeling the blonde's stubble, from the beard he was trying to grow, and then couldn't help but kiss his gorgeous lips once again. "So, you know by now my fridge is never exactly empty, but you still brought some food, anything in mind?"

"I was just thinking.... You had told me that you're parents will be in the city for today's match. Do you have any plan?"

"I'll meet them after the match. We'll go out for dinner or something."

"I suppose you'll talk to them about us, right?"

"That's my intention but when the time comes I'm not sure if I can do it."

"Remember that I said you don't have to do this alone? I want to be there for you, love. I know how much having their support will mean to you so I want to help you any way I can. Maybe if we show them how happy we are with what we have going on might be a good start. So, since I won't be going to the stadium, I'll watch the match here and make dinner. Bring your parents here and we could all have dinner together. How about that?"

"Do you even remember how to cook?" Jonas joked.

"Our busy days doesn't leave us much time for cooking so that's why I rather going out for dinner. But I have great cooking skills. You should know that by now. "

"Well, you never made me dinner again since the old times when we shared this place almost four years ago, I might have forgotten."

"Here's the deal. I think we should have a special dinner to celebrate the start of our relationship. So, I could make you lasagna. My mother's lasagna is still my favorite but I can make a pretty good one too."

"So, basically, you're trying to buy my love with lasagna?"

"I don't need to. I already have it." Erik said, grinning at him.

"Damn right you do, baby." Jonas kissed him again and then both of them stood up.

"So, we have a plan for tonight, right?"

"Yeah, I'll bring my parents. I just hope it won't go terribly bad."

"Look, no matter what happens, good or bad, we'll be okay. Because we have each other. We'll figure things out." Erik said. Jonas didn't say anything back, he just kissed Erik, once again, trying somehow to show through it how much he was thankful for having his support.

"I wish we could stay like this for longer but I should be heading to the stadium."

"I hate not being able to play. I wish I could be there to play and who knows we could even create a goal together. Unfortunately, not today though. " Erik got up from Jonas’ lap and helped him stand on his foot as well. "Monday I have a medical appointment and I should be cleared for training again. Until then I'll be here cheering for you guys. Good luck."

"Thanks. See you later." Jonas kissed Erik one last time before grabbing his backpack and head towards the door."

"See you. Oh, and text me later to let me know when you'll be coming home. Just so everything will be ready for when your parents arrive here."

"Will do, honey. Bye."

Before the match start, Erik went back to his place to pick some clothes to take with him to wear for the dinner. He wanted to please Jonas' parents in all the ways he could. He had already met them once a couple years ago, some time after they first met each other. But now the situation was completely different. He wasn't just a friend of their son. He wanted to somehow impress them, to be on their good side hoping it would count for when they'd reveal the truth.

He cooked dinner as the match was on the TV. He divided his attention between both. Giving some glances at the TV whenever BVB seemed close to convert a chance in goal. Jonas was on the bench for the first half, which by the end of it BVB lead by 1x0. Tuchel put Jonas to play around the 68th minute. Since the food was almost ready he took the chance to watch a bit of what was going on. He was supporting the team as a whole but Jonas in special, for obvious reasons. And also because Jonas was still trying to prove that he could have a regular place on the starting XI. Erik knew Jonas had the talent and skills to have this in many other teams out there but considering the great quality squad BVB had, everyone, except for Marco and Mats, had to fight for a place on the initial line up

Jonas did his part helping the team. He gave a beautiful pass for Ginter's assist to Auba's goal. Near the end Marco scored the third and they were done for the night, taking the win home and keeping the first place on the table, 3 points ahead of Bayern. Jonas took a quick shower in the changing room and followed to meet his parents in the grandstands. On the way there he texted Erik saying he'd be home in around 30 minutes. Jonas still stopped to take picture with some fans. As much as he wanted to go home, he'd never turn down a fan's request. They were always supportive of him so he was always pleased to interact with them.

Jonas took his parents home to an, apparently, empty apartment. He noticed that things seemed to be more organized than the last time he had been there, earlier. Erik must have taken care to not let anything out of place and Jonas made a mental note to thank him for that. He had completely forgotten about that. Reaching the kitchen he saw that Erik had also settled the table, organized the plates, the cutlery, the glasses and let the food ready to be served.

Thinking about Erik, he was nowhere to be seen. He had said he would be there when he arrived and since the lights were on, Erik should be there somewhere. He excused him to his parents as they talked and left to search his boyfriend. He headed to his bedroom. On the way, he walked pas4 the spare room. He gave two steps more before stopping under the impression he caught a glimpse of something by the corner of his eyes. He got back only to be greeted by a view that made his jaw drop.

"Wow!!! You look so hot." Jonas whispered, having to control his enthusiasm because his parents were relatively close. Erik was dressed in jeans, t-shirt, black shoes and a dark blue tuxedo, the fact that Erik was wearing it surprised Jonas. His blonde hair was done perfectly to the right side. And to make it even better, Erik was smiling ar him. He was simply gorgeous. "Who even are you?" Jonas joked.

"Just a random guy trying to impress his boyfriend's parents."

"Seriously, though, I appreciate your effort but you didn't need to dress that fancy. They are just my parents."

"That's exactly the point. I want to make a good impression to begin with."

"I think leaving the wet towel on the bed, again, isn't going to help with that."

"Oops, I forgot that."

"For the third time this week."

"I'm sorry." Erik said and hung the towel on the hook behind the door. "I had to rush a little bit to get things ready. I got caught up watching the last 25 minutes of the match, you did good."

"Thanks. Although, I still missed you there."

"But I'm here now. What do you want to do? Do you want to tell the truth to your parents?"

"You know I do."

"The question is: are you ready to?"

"I confess I'm a bit nervous, but that is expected. But I have you by my side, supporting me. It helps me, makes me feel secure. We can do this."

"Yeah, we can do this." Erik repeated his words. "No matter what happens, I'll still love you the same. I'll be by your side by the end of the night, love."

Jonas kissed Erik because he just couldn't help it. But his mother's voice calling him, reminded him they weren't alone and he immediately pulled back. Having to come out to his parents was already complicated but it'd be even worse if they were caught making out by them. Jonas replied he'd be right back and took off his BVB jacket and pants to put in a shirt and a jeans. Before they headed to join the others, Erik held his hand one last time. When Jonas finally felt ready, he took a deep breath, let go of Erik's hand and nodded at him.

Jonas' parents greeted Erik lively. He knew Jonas must have talked about him to them uncountable times. But they only knew about the friendship side. So, for them he was their son's best friend and as such they were warm towards him. He got along with them well. At some point they made him questions about his experiences on the last year's World Cup. This was a topic that meant very good memories for him but being a humble guy he never wanted to go 'bragging' about it. But he told them some things here and there in his try to do his best for things to keep going well and for them to start liking him and maybe it could help them when the time for 'The' talk would come.

Everything was going as well as they expected until Jonas’s mother mentioned Hellene. Without even needing to glance at one another they knew the time had come. And Erik wanted to remind Jonas that he wasn't alone so he reached for his hand and held it right in front of the brunette's parents, clear for them to see the gesture. As it looked like they didn't understand that Erik went ahead and told the truth. Jonas parents looked at them in disbelief. That was kind of expected. But to hear Jonas' father to call what they have 'nonsense' offended him. And Erik knew Jonas didn't like it as well.

"... What? You're gay now? I didn't raise my son for... This! You better stop with this nonsense!" Mr Hofmann had said.

"No, dad, you and mom raised me right.You've taught your son to take love seriously, not to play with it, not to mislead someone's feelings. And to me it was never like it had to a woman. I knew there was a possibility of falling for a man, but only a special one. That's why I see myself as bisexual. I'm not gay. I've always liked women but I'm finding out more about love with Erik. When I look at him, I see the person he is, not that he's a man. But since he's a man he's the only person I'll be bi for."

"Erik, could you please excuse us and leave." Jonas’ mother asked. "We need to have word with our son."

"He's staying!" Jonas insisted, helding tighter Erik's hand. "This concerns him as well and I need him here. To be honest I'm not ready to have this conversation but I can't keep up with having to pretend. You and dad keep pressuring me into getting things going with Hellene again but never even asking me if I want that. You wanting to marry me off with her was really bothering me but I was too polite to say anything. However, I can't stand that anymore."

"Oh, no, you won't put the blame on us." Mr Hofmann spoke. "Blame him for talking you into this... wrong thing. He's manipulating you, don't you see? Everything was normal while you were in Mainz but since you got back here you've started to change. And now you say you two are in love. What the hell is this? He's going to mess with your life."

"No, he won't. And you know why? Because it was me who started this. I wanted him first, I risked our friendship so we could have some fun together. I probably messed with some of the things he had planned for himself but he didn't mind. With time we figured we both wanted more and that we love each other."

"That isn't love. It can't be." Mrs Hofman said. "You two are probably just curious, it's just a phase. You can't take it seriously, it'll ruin your career if anything about this gets exposed. And this curiosity, that you call love, one day will be gone but your career will remain ruined. There won't be a way to fix it. So fix it now before it gets out of control."

"We don't need fixing, we're not broken." Erik spoke this time. "We're aware that there are risks but do you think we'd take them if this was just out of curiosity, as you call it?"

"I can tell this isn't me just being curious." Jonas said. "At first I thought it could have been the case but I always knew it was more than that. And I was proven right as what I felt for him just kept getting stronger."

"As you may already know, your son and I, we always got along pretty well. Now, we're just taking things to a new level. We both want it. Look, today I love Jonas more than I loved him yesterday and I know that tomorrow I'll love him more than I do today. This feeling always keeps growing and I know Jonas feels exactly the same way. How could this be just a phase?"

"I surely wouldn't fly all the way to Rio just because of a phase."

"The Rio trip was for him? But I saw one of the pictures you took there. What about that young woman? Weren't you there for her?" His mother asked.

"No, she is just a friend of ours. She likes Erik, actually." Jonas didn't need to look at him to know that Erik was rolling his eyes at his remark. He continued before he could be interrupted. "Anyway, yes, I went to Rio to meet Erik. We had had a little misunderstanding but staying apart was even worse. So I went there and it was amazing. I had one of the best nights of my life simply because I was with him. And now we want to have a relationship for real."

"And you're expecting we give our permission for that?" Mr Hofmann asked.

"No, I'm not asking for permission. I'm just letting you know about my choice. Which I could have kept concealing from you but I rather be honest. And it'd mean a lot to have your support but I'm afraid it won't be the case. Nevertheless, that won't change my choice. I want to be with Erik."

"We can't agree with that.... It's wrong." His mother said.

"Why would it be wrong? Because you think two men can't love each other? They can." Jonas said. "Wrong would be living a lie. Imagine me marring Hellene, pretending to be happy while cheating on her behind her back because I surely wouldn't be able to let go of my feelings for Erik. I'd be a total jerk, forgive me for the word, but that would be me. But gladly, since you raised me well, I'm not that kind of person. I'm doing the right thing. I'm not lying or hurting someone's feelings. It's not a simple choice but it's what I want and I'm happy."

"But son, what will people think of you? Don't you you ever wonder about it?"

"I don't really care. I mean, they don't pay my bills, don't solve my problems, don't know about my life or would understand what I feel for Erik. I'm not being naive, I know some could call us both bad names and maybe worse but I can't live my life influenced by what people say. Look, I've heard people say that I'm not good enough for Borussia. Of course it hurt me, bothered me a bit but I never gave up. I'm working to prove them wrong. The same goes to my relationship with him. I won't give up of what I feel for him just because of some negativity from people who doesn't know us."

"Since you just mentioned Borussia, we're seeing how you're fighting hard to get a regular place on the team since your first day in the team. And now that you're almost reaching your goal, having the best season so far, you decide to put it in risk because of... this." His father spoke.

"I didn't decide anything like that. Yes, this is my best season and Erik plays a big part on that. We play better together and off pitch we have a good time. And we're keeping our professional and personal matters apart. We don't want to make a big deal of this. We just just want to be like any other couple, loving one another without having to pretend or keep hiding it as if we were ashamed of it."

"Which we're not. We just want it to be normal. Just two people who are deeply in love. Where gender doesn't matter." Erik said.

"Normal? This is far from being normal." Mrs Hofmann protested. "This relationship won't take you anywhere. People get together so they can have their family. Jonas, I lost count of the times you told me how much you couldn't wait to have your family and your own kids. Are you giving up on that just because of whatever insanity is going on with you at the moment."

"Mom, please, this is not insanity and no, I'm not giving up that."

"I also want to have kids. Considering our relationship, it might be a little more complicated but it's not impossible. " Erik then reached for Jonas hand again. "We'll have our own family one day. When or how this is gonna happen we don't know. But when the time is right things will happen as they should. It's not something we worry now. For the moment we just want to be together and we'll see how things will go."

"And I was hoping I could have your support. It'd mean a lot to me, as you always supported me my whole life."

"What do your parents think of this. Do they even know?" Mr Hofmann asked Erik.

"They do. Right in the beginning, when things between me and Jonas were confusing to me, my mother stood by me. She wants my happiness and if it's making me happy, she supports my relationship with Jonas. It took my father a little while but he support us too."

"I'm sorry son, you know we love you and we always want the best for you but this... I don't know if I can agree with that." Jonas’ mother said as his father stood up.

"It's getting late, we have to go back to our hotel. Tomorrow morning we'll go home."

Jonas couldn't say anything else. He felt like he had a lump in his throat. His voice would probably break if he tried to speak. Why couldn't his parents understand that he was happy with his choice, why couldn't them take him seriously. Jonas knew they'd get back to that talk at another time, without Erik around, probably to try to 'fix' him. But as Erik said it himself, they didn't need fixing.

Erik saw how Jonas was feeling down immediately for not being able to count with his parents' support. So, he just walked Jonas’ parents to their car and before they could get in, he spoke.

"Look, I can't say I know what it's like to want the best for a son because I'm not a father..."

"And you'll never be one if you keep going with this." Mr Hofmann said.

"... but I know how my parents want the best for me. I'm not saying I'm the best. But I'll do my best to make him the happiest person."

"How much do you love my son?" Mrs Hofmann asked Erik, standing in front of him.

"More than I ever loved anybody else. I just want to be with him, to take care of him, to show him how much he means to me and how much loved he is."

"If you love him that much then stay away from him. Don't complicate things for him, or even for yourself." She spoke. "I take this is new for you two, so it's all exciting and good. But what if things get bad, let's hope it never gets, but if it does, could you make it through it? I don't want to see my son hurt."

"Neither do I. And I couln't stay away from him even if I wanted to. To know your son was one of the best things that happened to me. And no matter what, I'll be by his side, like I was today when he needed me there because it wasn't easy for him to talk about this."

"You seem to be a good guy, Erik. But what my son need is a good woman, a normal relationship, something that won't blew up his career."

"With all due respect, sir, Jonas is old enough to make his own choices. He can decide what he wants, what makes him happy. I know you, as parents, worry about your son, well, I do too, but you could see how happy he is with his life, with how things are going on, doesn't that count?" Erik was trying his best but they still didn't seem to be convinced. "Look, I know this was out of the blue, that getting to know that your son loves another man was probably the last thing you expected from Jonas, so I get that you might need time to accept it. Jonas fears he'll never have your acceptance but at the same time he wants, needs to have your support, like you always gave him. I might not be the significant other you'd want Jonas to have in the first place but don't ever doubt the love I feel for your son, how much being with him means to me and how great it's being the one who is making him happy. This is serious, Jonas is special and I'll always want the best for him. I can only hope that with time you'll understand that. And even if you still don't agree with it, I hope you can respect his decision."

Jonas’ parents didn't say anything else but a goodbye before getting into the car and driving away. The uncertainty of their approval let him a bit upset but there was nothing he could for now. He just hoped this wouldn't complicate things between Jonas and his parents, that they wouldn't somehow punish him, or distance themselves from their son for not agreeing with their relationship. Jonas was very attached to his parents and if he can't have their support, it'll take its tool on him, eventually.

And that's when he remembered, Jonas was still alone in his flat. Erik rushed upstairs to be with him. Getting there he found his boyfriend sitting on the couch with his head down. Erik walked to him, kneeling in front of him and using his hand to lift Jonas’ chin so he could look at him. The brunette's eyes were watery, a few tears falling down his face. Erik used his thumbs to wipe them away.

"Don't let yourself down just yet. I'm proud of you. Even though things didn't work out as we'd have liked I'm still so proud of you for standing up for us, for not giving up at their first no... Earlier, when I said I'd still love you the same no matter what happened, I was wrong. Because I'm loving you even more now."

"They don't understand. Why can't they understand it? I really want this relationship to work but having their acceptance is just as much important to me. I'm not sure if I can give 100% of me into what we have while I go against my parents' expectations. I feel like I'm disappointing them."

"Give them time. It was a shocking news that changes a lot of things, they need time to let it sink in. To be honest I believe their reaction wasn't so bad. When you think that there could've been a bad argument... They were just caught by surprise which could be the reason for their initial reaction to be negative. They might change their minds once they realize that you're doing good with your decision."

"What if they don't?"

"They love you. They will be happy as long as you are. They're just worried, they don't want to see you hurt. Eventually they will understand and accept your choice. And if they don't, then it'll be a problem because I'd never want you to have to make a choice between me and your parents. I know how they're everything to you and if it ever ends up being the case, I suppose it'd be our ending because I don't ever want to stand between you and your parents. They mean so much more to you than I'll ever...." Erik was speaking but Jonas shut him up with a kiss.

"Nothing will keep me from loving you. Absoutely nothing."

All of Jonas worries were forgotten for a moment when Erik wrapped him in the comfort of his arms. Nothing else mattered when he felt safe in Erik's arms, when he could breath in his boyfriend's scent, when he could whisper 'I love you' countless times in Erik's ear or when Erik made him feel so loved while they made out lying on the couch for the rest of the night. But the most important thing was having Erik's full support, that he was not alone, that his beloved one was there with and for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are highly appreciated. They're what motivates me to keep writing this and lately I've been needing it.


	42. "In another life"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Attention: This chapter will most likely confuse you in the beginning but you'll understand as you read through it.
> 
> Hope yoy enjoy it. Let me know what you think of it.

Chapter 42 - In another life

Jonas opened his eyes to the and found himself in a hotel room he had never been before in a city that he was more than familiar with: Dortmund. As much as he loved being back there and the good memories he had, it was also livid in his mind the reason why he left BVB almost 3 years ago. He stood up to have a look of the city through the window as he remembered a few things.

He had left BVB in January 2016. That 2015/16 started great for him but ended up in a way he'd rather forget for the rest of his life if he could. His relationship with Erik had ended up in the news when they least expected, when they still weren't ready to deal with it publicly. There was so much buzz around it and a lot of people making huge critics at the club for allowing a relationship between players, a lot of people being negative about it. It was a lot for Jonas to take in. Then there was the fact that his parents didn't accept it. With all of it going on, his form dropped drastically and he spent the last part of the season on the bench. He was sick of waiting for more regular playing. It was too much for him and he gave up everything he loved because he didn't want to be a disappointment to his family. And since Hoffenhein was interested on him where he would have a lot of playing time granted, he took the offer and transfered back to the team where his career had begun, closer to his parents. It was very painful but he broke up with Erik and left. It was for the best, he had thought back in that time, but he knew he was fooling himself. However, there wasn't other way, after all the confusion one of them had to go. And between him and Erik, it wasn't hard to see that he was the loser in this since Erik was the first choice for the right back.

He looked at his smartphone. It was just past 7am of a Sunday. And what a day to be back to Dortmund. It was 12/05/19. Meaning, it was Erik's birthday. The two of them ended up breaking apart, barely talking. They even tried to keep the friendship at first but it wasn't enough anymore and with time the distance between them only got bigger. But today it was match day, BVB vs Hoffenhein. Jonas was actually looking forward to see his old team mates. But Erik would be there inevitably and just the thought of that hurt. That was making him anxious but lucky his new team mate woke up and that got him distracted.

Stepping on the pitch of Signal Iduna Park for the first time in two years made him emotional. That stadium, club and city was where he had lived his happiest days that were now left behind. It also made him a little bitter to be back and it didn't help that the press was making a big deal about his 'reunion' with Erik, as they called it.

The first time he saw Erik was when both teams entered the pitch together but Jonas looked away quickly. When it was time for the players to greet one another Jonas walked and greeted his ex-team mates normally but when he had to greet Erik, he shook the blonde's hand but avoiding eye contact. It was painful already, it didn't need to get worse.

However, as the match went on it got worse. Jonas hoped he would be able to stay away from Erik as much as possible. But Erik was responsible for marking him so whenever Jonas tried to attack Erik was there to stop him. It was making Jonas' match miserable.

In one play Jonas received a guicky pass and ran towards the goal and there was only Bürki in front of him. The only thing he had to do was to shoot but right before he was about to do so Erik simply tackled him. A perfect tackle on the ball. A clean move. And Jonas was left on the ground, cursing mentally. Erik walked back to him and offered his hand to help him stand up. Jonas took it. It was the first time that Jonas could look straight into his eyes. He saw his own sadness reflected on Erik's. His eyes didn't shine as they used to when they were happy tpgether.

By the middle of the second half, Borussia was already wining by 3-0 when Jonas watched as Erik got to score with a long range shoot. He heard as the fans in the grandstands started to sing 'Happy Birthday' to Erik. Jonas' heart clenched a little seeing how beautiful that was, knowing how much it meant for Erik having the fan's affection while he couldn't do anything. It'd be a little strange to sing along the fans when he was in the opponent team.

By the end of match his team lost. His former team played much better and deserved the win. He stayed on the pitch for a little while chatting to his BVB friends and when he was making his way to exit the pitch something caught his attention and he stopped walking. Erik was near the bench playing with a little girl. He then noticed Sophia siting nearby watching them. And once again he felt like being stabbed in the heart.

Some months after they broke up, Jonas got to know that Erik started to date Sophia. After a while he got a call from an overly enthusiastic Erik, while they were still talking to each other, telling him the news that he and Sophia were expecting a baby.

Now, the little girl had 2 years old. She had brown hair and looked like her mother but had her father's eyes. Green eyes that used to look at him filled with love and passion but that now was filled by hurt and sadness whenever Erik looked at him.

Jonas watched as Erik held his daughter in his arms and gave Sophia a quick kiss afterwards. He was a bit happy for Erik. That he managed to have his own family as he always wanted to but at the same time it felt like having his heart being broken in pieces again and again. But what right had him to complain? It was his choice to put an end to what they had when things got complicated. And as he watch them he heard his mother's voice.

"You made a wise choice, dear. I know you aren't happy to the fullest but at least you're not suffering with the complications such relationship would bring, you don't have a bad reputation and your career wasn't destroyed. See, something positive to be taken out of it."

"What is the point of saving my career if now my personal life is ruined? I don't think I'll ever be as happy as I was when we were still together. I regret my choice. I wish I could go back in time and..." Jonas murmured.

"Your choices took you here. Even if you had made a different choice, who guarantees that the outcome wouldn't be the same? Erik broke your trust with Sophia once, who could guarantee he wouldn't do it again at your next misunderstanding? Maybe in another life you two would be happy together, where you could have a relationship without being insecure, where you could enjoy it freely without people saying how wrong it was, without having to worry that it could affect your career. It wasn't meant to be, accept it and get over it. As you can see with your own eyes, Erik did it."

When Jonas opened his eyes again he was standing in the middle of the pitch under a pouring rain. The stadium's lights were still on but it was completely empty, no fans in the grandstands, no one nowhere in sight. He was alone. That was the consequence of his choice. While everyone else had rejoined their family and friends after the match, he found himself alone there wondering about the choices he had made. He then heard a very familiar voice coming from behind him.

"I still love you. To be honest, I never really stopped. I tried to make it stop but like you said once, it's useless." Erik said and Jonas turned to look at him. The blonde was just as soaked wet as he himself. They kept just looking at one another for some time while the raindrops kept falling over them. "It has been almost three years and through all this time there's isn't a single day that I go by without asking myself why you gave up on us that easily. And what hurts me is that I don't have an answer for that."

"I thought you had moved on."

"I moved on because I had to and not because I wanted to. I still don't understand. Didn't I love you enough, weren't my kisses or our very passionate making love enough to show you that I loved you more than anything? You gave up what we had right at the first challenge we faced. So stupidly easy. We promised each other that we'd fight for our right to be together. And I'd have done so until my last breath. Still hurts me how you broke your promise so fast. I thought I was worth it. You made me believe I was. It was so disappointing to know I wasn't."

"Why are you bring this up now? You have your own family, you're happy with Sophia..."

"Jonas, no one is truly happy in this. Your choice messed up all of us. I can see by the deep sadness in your eyes that you regret it. You're not happy. I'm not happy because I'm not with the person I love for real. Sophia is not happy because she knows she's a second choice, that I wouldn't be with her if I could be with you."

"Would you want us be together again if we could have a second chance?"

"No. You let go of me once. You don't get to have another chance. You made your choice. You've chosen your parent's happiness over your own. Jonas, the only person you have to please is yourself. I know you love them a lot but this is your life. You have to go after what makes you hsppy and not live by someone else's expectations. Only you know what is best for you. I think by know you learned that the worse way. You know that you screwed up big time."

"It wasn't a easy choice. I choose what I thought to be the best decision. You'll never understand. You never had to choose between your parents and the person you love. For you it's easy to complain about my choices."

"I'd have tried harder to find a way to have both. I'd never had given up what we had in the first opportunity. Now it's too late. Even if we could have another chance, I'd never take it. I grew to love Sophia, she gave me such precious daughter and she's expecting our second child. She just told me the news a couple days ago. So, I'm happy about it but not fully happy. Deep inside I wish we were still together. That we could have built our family together but you blew it." Erik started to walk away.

"Erik, please. Don't leave me here..."

"All choices have consequences. You should be careful with the coices you make. In another life, with another choices, maybe we could've been really happy together, but this life, you wasted it big time."

"Erik, I'm so sorry. Don't leave me. I beg you."

"This is a consequence of your choices. You choose the easiest way out. How could you be so coward, Jonas? You're a coward Jonas. I thought I knew you better, Jonas. Jonas..."

**_*********_ **

"Jonas!!! Hey, wake up! Jonas!" Erik tried to wake up his boyfriend after he noticed that Jonas was breaking out in cold sweat and shaking while in his sleep.

"What? Go away..." Jonas said in his sleepy voice, trying to push Erik's hands away. A few seconds later he dared to open his eyes and seeing his boyfriend there made him sit straight up on the bed. "Erik!!!! You're still here. We're still in my house, in Dortmund. We're still together!!!!"

"Yes..?" Erik said confused at his reaction.

"Oh, thank god, nothing changed, you're still my boyfriend and.... Can I hug you?" Jonas didn't expect an answer and hugged Erik very tight.

"Love, you know I love whenever you hug me but you don't neet to crush me in the way." Erik said. Jonas loosened up his hold on Erik but didn't let him go. "What happened? I heard you murmuring something like you asking me not leave you. Was it a bad dream?"

"An awful dream. About making wrong choices.... I don't want to talk about it. You're here with me, that's what matters."

"Are you sure? You were cold sweating and shaking, are you okay?"

"I'll be. I just need a quick shower." Jonas let go of the hug. "What is smelling so good?"

"I've made you breakfast. And I noticed you're running out of nutella so I brought you a new big jar of nutella. I just thought a good breakfast would cheer you up after last night."

"Gosh, you're amazing." Jonas said, placing his hand on Erik's face. "Not just for the breakfast but for last night as well. I was really touched by the way you supported me. Thank you."

"No need to thank me." Erik turnef his face slightly and kissed Jonas' hand. "I didn't do anything special. That was just what people in love do. Anything to help their beloved one."

"It was special to me. You're making me love you more and more. Showing me that choosing you is the best decision I made and I promise that it'll never change."

"Don't worry about not having your parents acceptance just yet. Forget about this matter for a while. We'll get back to that eventually but for now I really miss seeing that beautiful and contagious smile of yours. Oh, by the way, I have a surprise that involves you."

"A surprise? Don't make me curious, tell me any hint at least."

"Sorry, but it's a surprise. You'll know soon."

"Does it have anything to do with you keeping me away from your place? It feels like ages since the last time I've been there."

Erik didn't reply. He just used his hand to gesture that his month was sealed, he wouldn't say a word. That annoyed Jonas. He didn't like whenever people would leave him curious. He reached for the nearest pillow and hit Erik with it. Erik obviously didn't let it lie and grabbed the other pillow to hit Jonas back and so they got into a silly pillow fight. The important thing was that Jonas was smiling again and to see him feeling better made Erik feel better as well. After all he couldn't be okay if Jonas wasn't okay. It's kinda of what loves does to people. Putting the welfare of your beloved one above your own.

Jonas mood got better through the week as Erik was cleared for training and joined the team as they prepared aiming the away match against Hertha on Saturday. They were only two points ahead of Bayern on the table so they couldn't afford to loose points.

On the match day Jonas woke up, on the team's hotel room in Berlin, feeling cheerful, having the feeling that day was bound to be a good day and maybe who knows Tuchel would let him start this match. By lunch he was sharing able with Erik, Julian, Castro, Bürki, Matze and Leitner. Jonas always enjoyed having lunch with them all because they always had fun conversations but on the other side, he had to act normal around Erik, to pretend nothing was going on. It wasn't anything new, he was already getting used to it but still he didn't like it. He'd rather to be free without having to be afraid of letting something slip and having to deal with it when he wasn't ready to.

So, after the lunch, they had a little free time before a last team meeting with the coach to discuss the match before heading to the stadium. Jonas had been caught up in a talk with Castro that he barely saw Erik leaving. He supposed Erik would have returned to his room so Jonas decided to stop by. He was about to knock on the door but he heard his beloved one's voice. Knowing Bürki was downstairs he figured Erik must've been talking on the phone. He decided to go away for now but before doing so, the mention of a name caught his attention and he couldn't help but to keep listening, even knowing it wasn't something polite to do. He couldn't quite hear much, only a few words here and there.

"... not sure I'd be able to.... Sophia... it's been a while since you.... What? Why?... Exciting news? I have no idea... Can you just.... WHAT? I can't believe.... You're pregnant? That's so awesome... No, this is truly wonderful.... I don't even know what to say.... I'm so happy... Wow..."

Erik's voice sounded very enthusiastic but Jonas could no longer hear whatever he was saying. He started to slowly walk away, barely able to make sense of what he had heard. Suddenly he felt like going back to that awful dream. That couldn't be happening, that couldn't be true. So Jonas just expected it to be a nightmare, that he'd wake up and this hadn't happened. It was only when, distracted, he bumped into Weidenfeller that he realized that it wasn't his imagination, that it was real. He had woken up feeling that'd be a great day but he figured it was already ruined too soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write a chapter like this that is kind of a reflection about choices, and how they have to be taken carefully depending on the situation because a person's future will be based on them. And Jonas just had an insight on bad choices. About the end: Oh-Uh....
> 
> So..... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated. Lately my writing flow is being quite slow but I'm still working with passion on this because of your support. So. Thanks.


	43. "Kiss me (Part 1)"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jonas is a little bothered by the phone call he heard.
> 
> This chapter ended up bigger than I thought so I had to divide it in two. (I just finished writing it, possible mistakes will be edited soon.)
> 
> Hope you enjoy it. Feedback is always welcomed and appreciated.

Chapter 43 - Kiss me (Part 1)

Erik and Jonas started the match against Hertha on the bench. SInce Erik had just recently recovered from the concussion, Tuchel decided he'd only be used if it was really necessary. For Jonas, well, he just started on the bench as usual. They watched the match along the other players but Erik noticed Jonas was quieter than normal. He asked Jonas if he was okay to which the boy replied with a nod but he knew something was bothering his boyfriend. However, given that they were working, Erik had to be professional and keep personal matters aside for now. But he'd get back to that after their flight home.

When the match was over Jonas and Erik were still on the bench where they watch the team's defeat by 2-1. Usually, Jonas would feel a little upset for not having the chance to play and try to help but since the phone call he had heard, he couldn't find himself to be able to focus, there were many things running through his mind and he knew he wouldn't be able play good that day so this time he didn't get upset for staying on the bench without being used. And with that defeat they ended up loosing the lead to Bayern, who has won their match, by 1 point.

Once they landed back in Dortmund, Erik tried to suggest something for them to do but Jonas said he needed to be alone. That startled Erik right away because Jonas always liked to be around someone. To see Jonas asking to be left alone proved him that there was definitely something wrong with his beloved one. And as much as he cared about him and wanted to help somehow, Erik decided to respect his wish and went home wondering if he had done something wrong but he couldn't bring himself to find a reason.

Jonas left himself fall on his own bed. It was the first and last thing he did after getting home. He waw exhausted. Not physically since he didn't play but emotionally as he remembered what he what he had heard earlier when he was going to see his boyfriend. And since then he has been feeling very conflicted.

Sophia was pregnant. Without thinking straight, he wanted to freak out, to be mad at Erik for letting that happen, to curse at him for sleeping with her in the first place. Because even being hurt by what had happened when they went clubbing, it was very stupid from Erik to have sex with someone else just out of revenge. Revenge which consequences would last much longer than their one night stand. Jonas wanted to be angry at them both. And it scared him how this baby would affect their relationship. It wasn't even a question of "if". He was sure things would change. Would Erik break up with him and stay with Sophia and their baby out of obligation and guilt? Because after all, it happened out of his mistake. Then Jonas remembered the nightmare he had had last night where Erik and Sophia were a family. It scared him even more now because it could be actually about to happen.

Thinking straight, Jonas would rather believe that the love Erik always told he had for him was stronger than anything and that they'd find a way to deal with it without breaking apart. Erik's dream of becoming a father would come true but it didn't mean it was a bad thing. He loved Erik, so he was bound to love Erik's child. Maybe, who knows, things could work out and they could be a family, even with Sophia being part of it. Even being an unplanned pregnancy, it didn't mean it had to be bad.

Thinking logically, Jonas didn't want to jump into conclusions. He didn't want to make the same mistake Erik did. Which is what bought them here, fearing a pregnancy. Now that he was calm and could think better, he knew that he hadn't heard the whole conversation. So, maybe he didn't know the whole story. He decided to wait for Erik to come to him to talk about this, instead of demanding an explanation. That would probably get them in an argument and that wouldn't be good. As much as, for now, he felt like freaking out, Jonas would try to be patient about it to avoid making things worse.

Erik only met Jonas again in training on Monday. They had intesive training for the next day's match against Stuttgart for the DFB Cup. So until later that afternoon Erik still hadn't had the opportunity to talk properly with Jonas but at least he was in a better mood than the last he saw him. When the training ended, Erik was making his way back to the changing room when he noticed that Jonas stayed behind, playing with the ball. Erik turned around and headed to join Jonas.

"Hey, are you feeling better? I was worried about you."

"I'm better now, thanks." Jonas replied and kicked the ball so they could play around.

"What happened? Saturday morning you were all happy but it changed out of a sudden after lunch. I wondered if there was something wrong. I even wondered if you were upset at me. Did I do something wrong?"

"Did you?"

"You tell me. Honestly, I don't really remember doing anything that would upset you."

"Nothing to tell." As much as Jonas wanted to ask about Sophia, he stopped himself from doing it. He'd expect Erik to do so. "I'm not upset at you." Yet, he thought. "Don't worry, things are okay now."

"I missed you yesterday, I texted you but you didn't reply, i felt like you were avoiding me."

"My mom called yesterday morning and asked me if could show up for lunch so I drove to my parents' place. I got a little busy, that's all."

"Your parents wanted to talk with you about us?"

"She didn't say it on the phone but I knew it was about it."

"So? How did it go? They still tried to convince you to go back to 'normal'?

"Quite the opposite, actually. I was caught by surprise. My parents said that through the week, they thought a lot about what we said and that they're willing to respect what we have. They're still a bit in denial with my choice, but they care about me, they want me happy. It might take time for them to fully accept us being together but it's a beginning. My brother was there too and after getting to know about me and you, he fully supported me. It was an extra help to change my parents' minds. However, I'm afraid if something goes wrong they might take it back and keep not agreeing with my choice. "Jonas then continued talking but in a very low tone. "And apparently, things are just about to go wrong,"

"What did you say?" Erik asked since he couldn't understand what had been said.

"Nothing. Anyway, I'm happy that they're respecting my choice."

"I told you, they love you, they'll come to support you in whatever choice you make in life, even if for some of them they need time to do so." They practiced some goal shooting before Erik spoke again. "Don't look now, but Tuchel is watching us. That's weird, it seems like as if he knew something."

"Oh... Oops. Yeah.... About that..." Jonas was a bit hesitant.

"What is it, Jonas?"

"I guess I forgot to tell you..."

"Tell me what?"

"Tuchel doesn't just seem to know something. Actually, he does know something. He knows about us."

"WHAT?" Erik asked a bit loud that maybe Tuchel may have heard from afar. "How is it possible? We didn't talk to him and the few people who knows about us are keeping secret."

"It was when you were in the hospital. He saw how I was affected by seeing you hurt and I guess he somehow undertood what was going on. He asked me about it and I couldn't lie."

"So, he has known that for a couple weeks now and you never bothered telling me?"

"My only worry was you, I forgot about anything else."

"What did he say about us being together?"

"Nothing. He just gave me privacy to stay with you."

"He will get back to that matter, won't him?"

"Most likely. Probably to remind us to keep it professional here but I believe we're doing a good job at it." Jonas said. Erik picked up the ball and they started ro make their way to the changing room. "We won't be able to hide this for longer. People close to us are starting to figure it out. And eventually it'll go public. We have to see deal with that."

"Well, Sophia works with the press, she knows how to deal with things publicly. She might help us with that. She'll be in Dortmund for our home match on the weekend, if I get the chance I'll talk to her about it."

"So... She will be around..." Jonas decided to try something to see if he could get Erik to talk about that call he had heard. "You know, maybe we could find a way to make Sophia and Marco meet and introduce them."

"It's not a good idea."

"You were up for it when we teased her about it."

"You heard her. She doesn't want it. For now, she's better off alone, she's completely happy being single, absolutely loves the freedom that it gives her. I don't want to kinda force anything, if things go wrong I'll feel guilty if she gets hurt."

"Are you jealous of her?"

"Jealous? No! "Erik laughed at the absurd of Jonas’ question. "I'm just being protective of her. She's a lovely person and like I said, I don't want to see her hurt, disappointed by love. In time she'll meet someone who loves and deserves her. Or maybe not. Maybe she will stay single on her own will because she likes it better. So, I don't think it's a good idea to talk her into meeting someone when she doesn't want to."

"Is that all? Or is there another reason behind your protectiveness?"

"No. Why are you asking me that?"

"Nevermind." Jonas said when they reached the changing room and joined their team mates. Erik was lying to him and he didn't like it at all.

The match against Stuttgart went on well and they managed to win 3-1 and ge through the next round of the DFB Cup. Jonas played on the second half unfortunately couldn't do much. He was happy for the team, obviously, but also upset for having a bad match. Even knowing it was something normal, after all, not all days were good days, all players eventually had bad days, he still felt upset.

Jonas needed Erik to be with him, no matter whatever happened, his presence would always make him feel better. But Erik wasn't there when they got back home, or on the next days. Jonas met him in training but when it was over, Erik would say he had something to do and leave. Ok, he had no issues with that, after all, even though they were together, they had other things to do, other friends from their lives apart.

But on Thursday night, before going to sleep, Jonas was looking at a few things on the internet when he came across some new pictures of Erik. Apparently, someone was having dinner at the same place as Erik and snapped a few pictures of him. But Erik wasn't alone. Jonas recognized Sophia as the woman who was having lunch with him. And Jonas made the mistake of reading the comments of random people about those pictures where they discussed the possibility of Sophia being his girlfriend, and many assuming that yes since they had been seen out together before. Reading them only made Jonas feel worse. Jonas was trying not get mad at Erik but it was getting hard not to. First the phone call, then he lied to him and now secretly having dinner with Sophia. Erik was definitely up to something. Jonas didn't like the sound of that. To be honest, he was even a little afraid.

Friday, the day before the home match against Hannover, the training was entirely focused on it. Tuchel had told Jonas there was a chance that he'd be in the starting XI. So he immediately put everything that was troubling him aside and gave his best in the training. Even ignoring Erik through it. He hated to be cold around his beloved one but it was kind of a reaction to the fact Erik was hiding something from him.

After the training, Jonas had a scheduled autograph session at the FanWelt. He returned to the changing room to take a shower and get ready to go straight there. He was already closing his locker door when he noticed a white envelope in between his stuff. He opened it to find a key inside and a piece of paper. He recognized Erik's handwriting on it.

_"I heard you have something to do after training but I still would like to meet you after dinner. It's important. Come by as soon as you can, I'll be waiting. Meet me in the following adress. (Ps. You'll need the key.)"_

_Things will be okay. Don't worry."_

Whenever Jonas had the opportunity to be in contact with his fans, it was a moment he was always looking forward. They had always supported him and he loved taking time to interact with them. He had fun talking, taking pictures and giving them autographs. But at the same time he was a bit curious as to why Erik wanted to meet him, and to know what was that adress he mentioned. He could've quickly searched on the internet but he would rather find out by himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated.


	44. "Kiss me (Part 2)"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jonas finally gets to see what Erik's surprise is.
> 
> I wanted to say a few things. 
> 
> 1: I wish you all a Happy New Year, and wish you all the best. I'm very thankful for the support you showed this story through last year.
> 
> 2: Jonas’s transfer to Gladbach: what makes me upset is that we won't get to see Erik and Jonas play together. I was so looking for that. But on the other hand, it was becoming clear Jonas wouldn't have much playing time at BVB. So, I'm happy that now he will have the chance to do what he loves, where the 'fight' for a place in the starting XI isn't as tough as at BVB. I'll hope for the best for him. (I might consider making the change in fiction as well)
> 
> 3: The future of this story: I won't give up writing just because they're in different teams now. In real life they will remain friends. In fiction I see no reason in stopping writing Durmann. It's a fiction world, you have the freedom and creativity to write about whatever you want no matter what happens in real life. I'm still having fun writing this and I hope you'll continue having fun reading this story.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter. Let me know your thoughts.

Chapter 44 - Kiss me (Part 2)

It was almost 9pm when Jonas parked his car in front of a house. The adress was a bit away from Brackel. Jonas couldn't remember being in that neighborhood before. The street had many beautiful houses, including the one he was walking towards now. He hesitated a bit before using the key. He considered ringing the doorbell because he had no idea where he was walking into. He decided not to loose time and unlocked the door.

It was dark inside so he struggle a bit to find the light switch. When he finally managed to turn the light on he took some time looking around the house. All the furnitures seemed to be new, in fact, it had that typical smell of new things. The decoration was beautiful but there was nothing personal that could indicate to whom this house belonged to. As the minutes went by Jonas was getting more curious at why Erik had told him to meet in that place. He was looking around the kitchen when a voice startled him.

"I was beginning to think you wouldn't show up. I'm glad you did." Erik said walking towards him.

"I spent some extra time with fans in the FanWelt. I wasn't sure if I would come but while I was having dinner I kept thinking of how things have been weird lately and I don't like it and I wanted to see you.".

"I asked you days ago about how you were feeling and you told me you were okay. You looked me in the eye and lied to me. I didn't want to insist, I thought it was better to give you time thinking you'll come talk to me on your own will. A few days later you hadn't done it yet and I can say that I felt totally ignored today. And it wasn't nice. I hope we get to talk about what is going on but not right now. Later."

"Ok. Will you gonna tell me what is this place?"

"This is the surprise I mentioned a week ago. What do you think of this house?"

"For what I saw up to now, it's nice, pretty modern, cozy. I like it. But I don't see how my opinion... Wait a minute. Is this..." Jonas was starting to connect the dots as he saw Erik smiling.

"I'm happy to hear you liked my new house."

"What? You've got to be kidding me! You really bought this awesome house?"

"Jonas Hofmann, I welcome you to my new house and I hope you can feel as good as if you were in your own home."

"Are you nuts? You probably must have emptied your bank account buying this house." Jonas joked.

"Nah, it'll probably take me just twenty years to pay it." Erik joked back at him. "But seriously, I've been wanting to have my own place for a while, I was saving some money for that. The reason I've been busy since we got back from Rio is that I was searching for houses. I really liked this one. The price was good. I've seen more expensive houses but not as cool or comfy as this one. My rented apartment is a mess right now, there are boxes everywhere so that's why I kept you away."

"Well, I could've helped you."

"That would have blown the surprise. It was about time for me to have my own house. At the moment my life is established here. The city has everything I need, my contract with Dortmund expires only in 2019 and I have no intention to leave any time soon. And now I have you, which is really exciting. And since I began making plans for this house, I planned everything thinking about us. Actually, I'd love if we could go shopping together to decorate this place together. It'd be nice to always have something that reminds me of you. Also, I wanted it to be really comfortable, but not only for me. I wanted that you could feel as much comfortable here as you feel when your at your place. After all, I can only hope you'll spend a lot of time here. The spare key I left you in that envelope... It's yours. So you can come over whenever you want."

"Really? It's nice of you to be this thoughtful about us. And worrying about making me feel comfortable here. I really appreciate that. But, you know, as long as you're with me, I don't need anything else to be comfortable. You're the only thing I need."

"I like hearing that. But at the same time I feel like you're trashing all my efforts to make this place perfect for us." Erik said, amused.

"Not at all. I love this place already. I mean, that living room is already looking like a small, private cinema. I liked that. "

"I knew you would. I imagined us lying on that big couch, watching movies and tv shows by the end of the night. Watching sports, playing video games or whatever we feel like. The important is having moments like that together."

"Wow, you've been really thinking it through. And for what I can see, I suppose the kitchen has enough space for us to cook together, if we get time for that. I'm really loving your way of planning this house."

"And that's because you haven't been upstairs yet. You're right about the kitchen, I miss us cooking together. Anyway, there's a backyard, a normal bathroom on this floor...."

"What exactly do you mean by normal bathroom?"

"Guess it's time for you to see my bedroom and the bathroom linked to it. You'll understand." Erik held Jonas' hand and pulled his boyfriend with him going upstairs, heading to his bedroom. "I have a double bed now. For us. The mattress is amazing. I can't wait to test it."

"Test it for what, exactly?" Jonas played the curious.

"For sleeping of course." Erik started serious but his naughty smile slowly took place on his face. "And for whatever else we might want to use it for... Now, you can open the third door of the closet."

'Oh, I'm sure we'll do good use of this bed." Jonas followed Erik's instruction, opening said door. It was completely empty except for his own jersey. "What is my shirt doing here?"

"I'm leaving this space and drawers for you. So you can leave some clothes here if you want. It can make it easier for when you stay over. So you can go straight to work, instead of having to still stop by your place before going to work."

"Wow... First you give me the spare key and now you leave me space in your closet. It's starting to sound like an invitation to move in."

"Almost. It'd be too soon to move in together. Not to mention a little suspicious. But if you want..."

"It's too soon, indeed." Jonas said and proceed to open the bathroom's door as Erik pointed out to him. He liked what he saw inside. "Wow, look at this bathtub. You weren't kidding when you said you planned this whole place for a couple."

"Yeah.. The bathtub is pretty comfortable for two people just as the shower stall. There's space in the cabinet for you to leave things here if you want."

"I don't even know what to say. This whole place is amazing. But the best part about this is your intention. That you're doing this for us. "

"I'm so happy to hear that you're loving it." Erik walked out of the bedroom, heading to the next room, Jonas followed him. "I was a bit afraid you'd think I was crazy for doing this."

"Well, I do think that. But I never said it was a bad thing."

"And for last, there's this empty room. I'm still thinking about what to do with that. Maybe a spare bedroom. Or even some kind of office to put work things in, stuff fans give us, a space to reply the letters we get and sign that many autograph cards we usually have to."

"Well, shouldn't you be considering...." Jonas made a little pause. He couldn't avoid the matter any longer, he had to ask. "Shouldn't you be thinking about getting this room ready for a baby?"

"It's a good idea. But I'm not sure she'll..." Erik was distracted with some thoughts but he stopped talking when he realized what his boyfriend had just said. "Wait! What did you say?"

"I know that Sophia is pregnant. You don't need to hide it from me. You two will have a child together and this is..."

"Whoa there!!! What are you talking about?" Erik seemed genuinely surprised. "You think I got Sophia pregnant? Did she say something to you?"

"No. I heard you talking to her on the phone. I heard you being all excited over the baby news. And since that it has been hard to me...." Jonas stopped speaking when Erik simply started to laugh. "What? This is not funny!"

"I don't know if I should be laughing or feeling offended right now. If you really think I'd be that careless getting someone pregnant out of an one night stand, then you don't know me."

"Maybe not intentionally, but it happens. The awful dream I had, part of it was about you building a family with Sophia. Then, days later I hear you on the phone, speaking her name, being happy about a pregnancy... I got afraid how this would affect us, that you could leave me..."

"I can't believe you were acting weird all week because of it." Erik walked back to his bedroom, bringing Jonas along. "Seriously, Sophia is doing great, she's not pregnant. If that was the case, I'd have freaked out because, as much as I love kids, I'm not ready to have my own just yet. I want to enjoy life, my work, enjoy being in a relationship before that huge step. And you know what, even if I had gotten her pregnant, I'd take all responsibility for that, would help her with everything she needed and would be the best father for the kid, but that doesn't mean I'd let go of you, of us. Only if you didn't want me any longer."

"What was that phone call then, if you don't mind me asking." Jonas felt all his worries going away, making him finally feel relived.

"I suppose you didn't heard everything and got to the wrong conclusion. But at least you didn't make the same mistake I did before. So... Someone is indeed pregnant, but not Sophia." Erik said and got happy and excited. "I was on the phone with my sister. We were talking about things, about Sophia, my sister and her would be going to a concert together but my sister said she couldn't go. My sister is pregnant, that's why she missed the trip to Rio. She was supposed to go, but she started to feel sick and couldn't make it. Jonas, I'll become an uncle, that makes me feel old but I don't care, I'm so happy for my sister and her husband."

"I'm happy for you. And... Thank god, we're safe."

"Of course we are. I might make mistakes but I wouldn't screw up what we have. Sophia is a good friend.... You know what? I'm done talking about her... " Erik walked closer to his boyfriend as they stood near the bed and whispered. "Kiss me, Jonas."

And Jonas did. After many days apart, after all his worries disappear, everything that Jonas wanted right now was to feel Erik's lips on his. He missed that so much that he promised he'd never let any kind of misunderstanding keep them apart ever again.

The simple touch of their lips sent a shiver down Jonas’ spine. It started as a sweet kiss, where they would tease one another using their tongues. It was eventually becoming more needy as their passion demanded it to be. They were running almost out of air when they broke the kiss so they could lie on the bed, facing each other.

"I'm yours, love. All yours." Erik said as he slowly ran his thumb over Jonas’ lips. "Not even a baby would change it. I wonder what I have to do for you to stop being afraid of loosing me. For you to finally understand that I'm serious about you being the person I want to be with, that you're the one for me. Should I propose to you?"

"You know, it wouldn't be a bad idea. I like the sound of that."

"Oh, don't try me, because I might just do it."

Jonas smiled at Erik's joke and kissed him once more. He was finally feeling fully happy again. His bad dream had been just a nightmare. Right now, having Erik's tongue exploring his mouth felt so real. Because it was actually real, they were together again, loving one another. Nothing could be better... Or maybe it could. Jonas pulled away just to look deeply into Erik's eyes. The blonde was about to ask what was up when Jonas put his finger over his mouth.

"Make love to me." Jonas whispered, still looking into these green eyes he loved so much.

"I will, love. I'll make you feel my love, make you feel how much I want and need you. I promise.... Soon." Erik grabbed Jonas' hand and rested it over his own chest. "Can you feel what you do to me? My heart beats stronger whenever you're next to me. It's such a good feeling. I'm not letting go of that. Not now that I'm loving and wanting you more by each day."

Jonas didn't mind waiting. His night was already ending much better than he'd expected. Erik surprising him with this house, worrying over details so he could feel comfortable as well in this place. The best was that Sophia wasn't pregnant, their relationship wasn't threatened, and now he could sleep peacefully in Erik's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOL.... I gotcha ya! (With the pregnancy thing).
> 
> So.... thoughts? Comments and kudos are highly appreciated. 
> 
> Happy new year to all of you.


	45. "Remind me"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jonas starts struggling with his position at BVB.
> 
> I'm not sure if I'll make Jonas transfer to Gladbach in this story but I need to start building this possibility so here we go.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter, let me know your thoughts.

Chapter 45 - Remind me

Against Hannover Tuchel decided to rest Reus, leaving him on the bench. The plan was that he'd only play if really necessary and so Jonas had the chance ro start the match. He'd be playing on the left, having Erik's support for when they would attack the opponent. It wasn't that often that they had the opportunity to play on the same side of the pitch. So, whenever they had this chance they would try to make the most of it, they had such chemistry on pitch that wasn't needed much to one understand what the other was thinking on how they would build a play just as it happened.

For the first thirty minutes pretty much nothing exciting happened. It seemed to be typical this season that the opponent would practically park the bus and Borussia had many difficulties trying to score on the first half. Thankfully to Auba, who finally managed to score by the 42nd minute, they went to halftime leading the score.

Jonas wasn't happy. His first half had been one to forget. He couldn't do much, the ball rarely reached him and whenever it did, there was a defensor to intercept him or the goalkeeper would do practically the impossible to make the save. Things were simply not working and as much he tried he knew that by the end of the match people would criticize him anyway. In his opinion that wasn't much fair since he didn't get to start matches often. They couldn't possibly expect him to work miracles and have the same chemistry with everyone as if he were a regular player. Erik noticed he was a little lost on his own thoughts on the changing room and, once Tuchel finished his halftime speech, he sat beside his boyfriend.

"Keep your head high, Hoffi. The first half wasn't that good for anybody. So, please, don't try blaming yourself because there's no one to blame. Let's focus on the second half, ok? Hopefully it will be better than the first. And I believe in you. Just like you did when I had that awful match against Bayern. I believe you can be of great help for us secure the win tonight. You know you can count on me for that. And you know what? Even if nothing happens, it's okay. The people who truly know you won't ever doubt that you tried, that you gave your best. I know it's not easy to ignore the critics but remember: they don't know how hard you worked for this chance. And the most important thing: we're a team. We win together, we loose together. Don't ever forget that."

Erik stood up, offering his hand to help Jonas do the same. Once the brunette was on his feet, they kept holding their hands, looking at the other's eyes and they even started to slightly lean in for a kiss. The sound of Tuchel clearing his throat somewhere near reminded them where they were.

The team performance got much better through the second half. They were finally able to find more space to break through the defensive line. Around the 60 minutes Jonas saw Castro well positioned and gave him the pass that ended up becoming an assist. Castro managed to score with a powerful shot from right outside the box. They all greeted Castro and when it was time to get back to their positions Erik took a few seconds to quickly give Jonas a hug. He knew this assist was important to him and would cheer him up.

Things started to get better for Jonas after the assist. He had gotten too close to score twice. Borussia had the match under control. Jonas knew that it was only matter of time for him to score. What he didn't know is that he didn't have that time. Tuchel took him out to put Marco to play, aiming to score at least once more to secure the win.

Jonas sat on the bench, grabbing the nearest water bottle he could reach. He watched as Erik ran past the bench trying to initiate a counterattack. He couldn't help but to feel a little upset, or maybe even a bit mad for not being allowed to play the whole 90 minutes. He wished he could play a few full matches in a row. He needed that regularity. However, considering that he only got to start a few matches and played the last minutes of the others, he was starting to wonder if he'd ever get that regularity he was seeking at Borussia.

On the last minutes Marco scored he third goal, granting the win for the team and that kept Jonas from giving futher thoughts on his current situation on the club. For now. When the fjnal whistle was blown he joined his team mates to celebrate the win in front of the yellow wall with the fans. He was happy for the win, obviously, however he felt a wave of disappointment hit him but he just couldn't explain why.

Later on, when it was time to go home, Erik and Jonas were in the parking lot, heading towards Erik's car, when they walked past Sophia and her coworkers. They heard her talking in portuguese with her friends and then she stayed behind to talk to them. They chatted for a little while about random stuff. For the first time Jonas was genuinely happy to see her. His nightmare stayed in the past and now he knew for sure she wasn't pregnant. With those fears gone he could start seeing her as a friend instead of an opponent in a fight for Erik's heart. Talking about Erik, he decided to go back to that matter.

"I forgot to tell you, Jonas was under the impression that I got you pregnant, can you believe it?" Erik asked, turning his attention to Sophia.

"Erik! She didn't need to know that." Jonas said.

"Oh, but I did. You make me look like an irresponsible person, getting pregnant out of a single night. You're not only putting me like irresponsible but your boyfriend as well, which is worse. Erik is careful with.... with his... with that... Oh, c'mon, Jonas, you know much better than I do how Erik is very careful when it comes to sex, to something that could have consequences. He wouldn't risk that happening. And neither would I."

"You know, it's a bit awkward to hear you talking about me as if I weren't here." Erik said, starting to feel his own cheeks blushing.

"I'm only one year older than you two. Our careers might be different but just like you, I'm on that phase that I need to establish myself at my job, make progress, make a name. Right now, I'm fully committed to my work. I'm getting to know Germany, what I've always wanted, to work with what I love the most: sports, getting to know great people, making new friends, to learn and focus on the tactical side of football and the best part: being payed to do what I love. It has been a tough journey but things are working for me. Do you really think I'd waste this amazing opportunity I got by simply getting careless? A pregnancy now would ruin it all. So, no. No chance I'd let that happen."

"None of us would be ready for it." Erik spoke. "It'd be a whole new responsibility. For now I just want to enjoy life and being in a relationship."

"My mom uses to say that when you become parents all your priorities changes and you do everything having your kid in mind. And I'm kinda curious to know what it's like but not anytime soon." Jonas said.

"See, Jonas, we're all good. I'm not pregnant and I'm not bringing complications into your new relationship. As much as I find Erik handsome, and don't get mad at me for that because I'm just stating the obvious here and I'm not the only one who thinks it, all I want from him is his friendship. And I sincerely wish all the best for you two. Like I told you once, Jonas, I'm not some kind of enemy. Erik belongs to you. I'd never dare to get in your way."

"But you did once."

"For all I knew, there wasn't an actual relationship back then. Now I know you're just starting one. I respect and support that." Sophia said. "Be happy, there's no baby between Erik and I. Although.... Thinking for the future, that wouldn't be exactly a bad idea."

"What???" Erik and Jonas spoke together.

"Relax, I was just kidding..." Sophia laughed but then continued in portuguese so they wouldn't understand. "...Ou talvez não."

"So, how was your work day here?" Erik asked, changing the subject.

"It was good. I liked today's match. BVB played aiming to attack most of the second half. It was fun watching. Usually I'm pissed off most of the match because you rather keep the ball possession than being offensive. That really gets on my nerves. Then, after the match, in the press zone, I got to chat with Subotic and Miki. It's awesome talking to them, you can always learn something."

"Did you see Marco there?" Jonas asked and Sophia narrowed her eyes at him, probably imagining where he'd go with that question.

"Yes, I did. Like I always see him here whenever I come over to cover BVB's matches. Just as always he beautifully ignored me. But that doesn't matter because I really couldn't care less. Of course since he has fans all over the world, it'd be interesting interviewing him but apparently he just talk with the German press. He is just so busy getting a lot of attention that I myself don't have time or patience for..." Sophia stopped talking when she noticed Jonas and Erik smiling. "What is it? Why are you... Oh... He's right behind me, isn't him?"

"Not anymore." Reus positioned himself beside Sophia. "Hi! I'm Marco. Just Marco. This busy guy here wants to forgive himself for ever giving you the impression of having ignored you. It was never my intention. He might just feel shy and intrigued by smart women. Would you accept going out for dinner as an apologize? My treat."

"Do you have the habit of inviting strangers for dinner? That could be dangerous."

"You're not a total stranger to me. I don't mean to scare you. It's just that Erik and Jonas have mentioned you before."

"Is that so?" Sophia asked eyeing the boys suspiciously. "Well, I don't know... Could Jonas and Erik come along?"

"Of course, if they want to."

"Actually, Jonas and I have plans already." Erik rushed to find an excuse and Jonas understood his boyfriend intention right away.

"We surely do. After all, tomorrow is Valentines Day. So.... Sorry, we won't be able to go. But have fun." Jonas said amused.

"Really? You're gonna leave me alone with him?" Sophia whispered so only Jonas and Erik could hear. "You two are muy amigos. Thank you!" She finished ironically.

"I suppose it's only me and you then. Dinner?" Marco asked.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I just remembered I'm running late. I have to catch a flight back to Munich in 2 hours. So, I have to go back with my staff. Technically, I'm still working. But I appreciate your invitation. Thank you, Marco. Jonas, Erik, see you out there. Bye." Sophia waved at them and left in rush.

"What is up with her?" Marco asked slightly confused. Erik and Jonas just smiled.

Erik gave Jonas’ a ride home. Once the blonde stopped the car in front of his building, Jonas reached for his backpack that he had left in the back seat.

"Tomorrow Matze, Julian and I will go watch the BVB II match. Don't you want to come too?"

"I wish I could. It has been a while since last time I went there. But I'll take the opportunity of having a rare free Sunday to take all the boxes and belongings to the new house."

"If you want I can help you with that."

"No need. Go support the guys and enjoy the match. I should be done by the end of the afternoon and then we can do something, I don't know..."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Go have fun. At least it'll distract you from the fact that your boyfriend completely forgot that tomorrow it's Valentines Day and that he didn't make any plan at all. I feel bad for that, you deserve better. I have been so busy with making plans for the house that I forgot about dates. But that's no excuse. It's like I'm already failing as a boyfriend and this is so..." Erik couldn't finish what he was saying because Jonas placed his hands on Erik's face pulling him in for a kiss.

"Honey, I don't need a specific date to remind me how much I love you. I'm reminded that every minute I spend with you. And even more when we're apart. I don't need Valentines Day to remind me that you love me. I'm reminded that every day by the way you look at me, touch me, hold me in your arms, by the way you kiss me, by the way you love me. I don't mind not having plans. If by the end of tomorrow's night we get to lie lazily on the couch, doing nothing at all, as long as we're together, it's perfect to me. I don't need much to be happy. I just need you."

"I have to drive home but when you talk like this you make it hard for me to go."

"Don't go then. Stay over."

"As much as I want, I can't. Sorry."

"It's okay. I can survive being without you for some hours.... I think." He joked and Erik replied to that with another kiss. He wanted to deepen the kiss because he could never get enough of Jonas, and the thought of making out inside the car was kinda exciting. However, he was aware that they were in a public space. His car was parked on the street, if anyone walked past his car would probably see them and it wouldn't be a good thing. They couldn't risk it.

"Have I told you today that I love you?" Erik asked when they broke the kiss.

"Probably. But it's never too much to be reminded of that again."

"I love you, Jonas. So much so you have no idea."

"Is that so? Why don't you show me?"Jonas teased.

"Oh, I will. Like I promised. Soon, love."

They wished each other good night as Jonas opened the door. But before he could step out of the car Erik pulled him back by his jacket for one last kiss.

Erik had a pretty busy Sunday, as expected, taking his belongings to his new house. There he only unwrapped the essentials like some bathroom and cooking stuff, bedsheets and a few clothes. He'd unwrap the rest another day. For now he left the boxes in the empty room. Meanwhile he handled the boxes, Jonas kept sending him a few pictures he was taking while enjoying the BVB II match. One picture in particular made him smile. Jonas was making a silly/funny face that Erik loved and set it right away as his phone's wallpaper.

Later Erik decided to go to the mall and buy few things and stop by a restaurant to have lunch. When he was leaving he walked past a store and something caught his attention and he thought about Jonas. It was something he knew Jonas would love so he had no doubt. He had found a good gift for his boyfriend.

It was just past 6pm when Jonas stopped on the driveway parking his car beside Erik's. Once inside Erik's new house he locked the door, took off his shoes and hang his jacket on the coat hook on the wall of the entrance hall. He could hear that the TV was on so he headed to the living room where he found Erik on the couch, lying on his stomach, asleep. He walked to the kitchen to put the bag and the gift box he had brought on the counter and went back to Erik.

As much Jonas liked watching his boyfriend sleeping some times, this time he wasn't there for that so he leaned down and placed some kisses on the back of Erik's neck. The blonde slowly came back to his senses.

"This feels good. Don't stop." Erik said in his sleepy voice, with his eyes still closed.

"If you want more then I'll give you more, baby. But you have to wake up first."

"Ok, I'm waking up." Erik opened his eyes, turned around to lie on his back and smiled at Jonas, who couldn't help but to steal a quick kiss on the lips. "I was so tired after moving all thoses boxes here that I ended up falling asleep instead of just taking a rest."

"It's a good thing that you got some rest. We might have a long night ahead of us." Jonas winked at his boyfriend.

"Oh, I like that."

"I know we didn't plan anything for tonight but it doesn't mean we can't celebrate it. I brought Italian wine and maybe we can cook something together, have dinner and enjoy the night together."

"That sounds perfect to me, sweetheart. But before that..."

Erik pulled Jonas for another kiss. It was just one of the many they would probably share that night. They'd celebrate being together and even not knowing how it'd probably end, they were sure that it wouldn't lack love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is a special one, that I've been planning for months. I'm almost finished with it and a good coincidence is that It'll be ready in time to post it on my birthday, midway the week, so, there'll an early update with this special chapter on my birthday. Excited! 
> 
> So... thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated. It motivates me to keep bringing this story for you.


	46. "Feeling good"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jonas and Erik spend their first Valentines Day together.
> 
> So... Today (date of the latest update) is my birthday yay! I want to share it with you, readers who have been supporting this story (Almost 5000 hits, 320 judos. WOW!). I'm so happy to be able to post this chapter, that I believe to be special for the boys, in such special day for me.
> 
> Warning: Explicit content. (Written for fun, without any intention of offending anyone, because after all, it's fiction.)
> 
> For this chapter I was inspired by 2 songs:
> 
> Feeling good - Muse (kinda sets the mood)
> 
> Latch - Sam Smith, acoustic version (is about how they feel). (The original version ft. Disclosure is amazing as well). On the end of this chapter, the lyrics in bold are from this song.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the "short" chapter. Let me know your thoughts.

Chapter 46 - Feeling good

The next hour Erik and Jonas spent cooking dinner together. It took them a few minutes to decide what they'd make. Jonas thought about cooking grilled salmon with some salad and Erik about lasagna. They ended up having to decide it on rock, paper and scissors. The first time both choose rock. On the second Jonas went with scissor and Erik choose paper.

"Ha! We're having grilled salmon." Jonas made a little happy dance.

"Actually, the way I see it, that's a draw. Scissor might cut paper but if you wrap a paper around a scissor it makes it useless."

"Why would you wrap a paper on a scissor?"

"I wouldn't but in this case, it does makes it useless. So... I'd say it's a draw."

"Are you for real right now?"

In the end they ended up cooking lasagna. If they had chosen to cook salmon they'd have to go out and buy the ingredients and neither of them felt like doing it. Besides, Erik had already planned cooking lasagna so he had all the ingredients needed. It felt like old times when they used to cook together while sharing Jonas’ place. But in the old times they surely wouldn't be stealing a kiss every once in a while like they were doing now. They had fun but they also did everything carefully. They tried a combination of the slightly different ways how they used to cook and hoped for the best.

Jonas took care of the final stage of cooking lasagna while Erik was setting the table for them. Putting the plates, cutlery and glasses positioned so they'd sit in front of one another at each side of the table. He also lighted up some yellow candles. A dinner with candle lights. Nothing too special about it, but still gave the room a bit of a romantic vibe.

"Love, what about the wine you brought? Will we drink it tonight?" Erik asked.

"Well, that's what I brought it for. Why?"

'I was thinking we should save it for a special occasion."

"Which occasion could be more special than this one?"

"Don't get me wrong, this is really special. Our first Valentines Day together. And I heard this wine brand is great so I'd love to drink it. However, I don't want to be under any alcohol influence tonight. I want to stay sober to enjoy better whatever happens tonight. But if you want to drink, it's okay."

"I'm with you, not drinking either. I want to remember every little detail of this night so sober it is. A soft drink will do. I'm sure we'll have other special occasions to share the wine." Jonas said as he placed the lasagna plate on the center of the table, in between Erik's and his place.

The lasagna they cooked together was very good, even more than they themselves expected. They agreed on making 'cooking together' a thing and do it more often, whenever they had time. They had quite a pleasant dinner, enjoying each other's company, making jokes, laughing and chatting about many things.

Later on Jonas was going through the TV channels looking for something cool for them to watch when Erik joined him and handled him the gift he had brought him ealier that day.

"I'm sorry, I didn't have time to wrap it. I thought you'd like it. This is my gift for you." Erik said.

"I didn't think we'd be exchanging gifts tonight. Apparently, we had the same idea. I got you something as well. But first, let me see what we have here." Jonas reached inside the bag Erik had handled him and took a James Bond movie collection special set out of it. "This is so cool!"

"I know you've probably watched most of them but I also know you don't have the whole collection. So, I thought it'd be a good gift. There's even the newest movie, 007 Spectre, that was just released in blu-ray. Oh, and there's a shirt as well. I hope you like it."

"You kidding me? I loved it. This is perfect, really. Thank you, honey." Jonas kissed him to show him how grateful he was for the gift.

"Hey, what about watching one of these movies together, now?"

"As much as I loved the gift, that's not exactly the kind of action I'm looking for tonight, baby." Jonas said making his boyfriend smile. Erik, understanding his intention, pulled him for another kiss, not a quick one this time. It was only when his hand almost reached underneath Jonas’ shirt that the brunette pulled away.

"Not so fast. I got you a gift too. Let me get it. "Jonas quickly reached for the gift box and gave it to Erik. "It's kind of old school since practically everything nowadays has technology involved. Hopefully, you'll like it."

"I'll always love anything that comes from you, Hoffi." Erik opened the box to find what, at first sight, seemed to be a book. With medium dimensions and a golden cover. Nothing written on it. He opened it and in the first page there was a printed picture of him holding the World Cup trophy at Maracanã and above that he recognized Jonas’ handwriting: 'The story of my life so far...'. Flipping through the first pages Erik saw random pictures of his career, childhood, of him along friends and many that he and Jonas had taken together. "Wow. That's... That's such a meaningful and beautiful gift. All those good memories."

"We're so used to keep things digital these days. But if we ever have issues with our computers or cellphones we could loose forever everything that makes us remember what we've been through. So, I still like having photo albums. I've been picking up pictures and thought you'd like having these in a sort of book about your life."

"It's a brilliant idea. Those pictures are amazing. Look at this one. Probably one the first we took together. Who would have guessed things would change this much from that time to now." The picture he mentioned was taken on the first week they met, while out for dinner. Both looking very young and happy. Erik turned the page and was somehow surprised by the picture on it. "Oh, I would never have expected you to include a picture of me and Sophia."

"Well, I'd have skipped that part easily. But I had to make it right. This photo book is about your life. And I understand Sophia is part of it. When you love someone, you accept who he is and also the people who are important to him. Having Sophia's friendship is important to you, I've accepted that. So, she has a space on this book. Just don't ask me to stop being jealous of you two, that will hardly happen even knowing you love me. It's something I can't control. It's like a never ending bit of tiny jealousy. However, I fully trust you and I'm slowly starting to trust her. I accept her being part of you life."

"That's great. That's progress. I like it." Erik rewarded Jonas with another kiss. On the next page there was a black and white picture of him sleeping, shirtless, on his bed. "What is this? You took a picture of me sleeping? That's a bit creepy."

"I didn't mean bad. It's just that you looked beautiful. I couldn't help it."

"I know you didn't. And it might sound a little suspect coming from me but it's indeed a beautiful shot. You've got talent for photography." Erik flipped through the next page but it was blank. Just as the following ones. "What about these blank pages?"

"Well, the story doesn't end here. It must continue. In these spaces you can add new pictures as you like, add more important moments as they happen and so on..."

"That's a really nice gift. I appreciate so much you creating this photo album. So much so that it's only fair that the first picture to be added should be one of us together."

Jonas and Erik spent a few minutes taking pictures but the hardest part was to decide what picture they would use as one of celebrating their first Valentines Day together. In the end they picked the most obvious: one that Jonas took of them kissing.

"Done. Whenever I get free time I'll get this printed so you can fit in the book. But now let's leave it aside, shall we?" Jonas put the photo album and his cellphone on the coffee table and turned his attention entirely to Erik, pulling him in for a needy kiss.

Obviously, Jonas loved every time he got kissed by Erik but at that moment it didn't feel enough. He wanted more. He had been wanting for more for a while now but didn't want to rush anything. He hesitated into the kiss and Erik took the chance and pressed their forehead together, both keeping their eyes closed. They kept appreciating this closeness for a little while. Until Jonas gave him a sweet kiss and then whisper against his lips.

"Erik, make love to me, baby."

"I will, sweetheart. I will."

"I don't think you can possible imagine how much I want you right now."

"If it's anything like how I want you then I... oh, damn it." Erik said all of a sudden.

"What is it?" Jonas opened his eyes, looking at him worried.

"We have a problem. I have no idea where I put my condoms. It's in one of the boxes but I don't know which one and there are many boxes left for me to unpack that it'd take time to find it and I don't feel like searching it right now."

"Whoever said we need one?" Jonas asked, grinning.

"What? You want me to..."

"I want you to make me yours, Erik." Jonas stole another kiss. "Make me yours once for all. I don't want a piece of rubber to keep me from fully feel you inside of me. We've been through medical tests just last month, we're both healthy. I always carry a condom with me, you never know, so I have one with me that you can use if you don't feel comfortable without one. But if you're okay with this then I want you without a condom."

"Are you sure, love?"

"Absoutely sure."

"Do you want me that much?"

"Do you have any doubt, honey?"

Erik did nothing but to give him his biggest smile. Jonas could see his green eyes starting to sparkle with lust. Erik's hungry lips found his own lips, kissing him teasingly. At times Erik would pull away only to challenge Jonas to seek for more. Which he did everytime because kissing Erik was too good for Jonas to want to stop it.

Without letting go of the kisses they made their way upstairs to Erik's room. There, Erik took care of the room's lighting, letting it in dim lights. Meanwhile, Jonas put some music to play. They probably wouldn't pay much attention, if any, to whatever song was on but that let the environment more relaxing.

Erik made Jonas sit on the footboard side of his new double bed and kneeled on the mattress standing right behind Jonas. The first thing he did was to reach for Jonas’ earlobe using the lips, eventually pulling at it gently. Following, he aimed for Jonas’ neck leaving wet kisses all over it. Jonas simply smiled, a reaction to how good that was already making he feel, and closed his eyes to increase the feeling of pleasure from whatever Erik would do to him.

Still standing behind his boyfriend, Erik put his hands on his shoulders and from there slipped his right hand slowly underneath Jonas’ shirt. The brunette sighed feeling Erik's fingertips against his skin. His hand moved from his chest, to his navel, and at times Erik ran his fingers on his flanks, making Jonas feel some tickles.

Erik got back to kissing his neck while putting his arms around Jonas, keeping his fingers busy with, slowly, unbuttoning his shirt. Once it was opened, Erik got back at letting his fingers linger against Jonas’ skin. Those simple touches were starting to turn him on. Jonas took off his shirt and turned around to get Erik out of his. After that he lied down on the bed.

Jonas put his arms behind his head, between the pillow and his head, leaving his torso completely exposed for Erik to do whatever he wanted to. The first thing Erik did was to kiss his chest, right over his heart. Then he licked and sucked slightly at his nipple, getting the first moans from the brunette. Jonas dropped his head behind leaving his neck exposed. Erik took the opportunity. Slowly Erik licked, in a straight line, from Jonas chest, going over his neck and chin and finally reaching his mouth, kissing him again.

From underneath him, Jonas rolled his hips pressing their crotches together, making both of them start to harden at the friction. Erik was searching for it as much as him. When it seemed not enough any longer, they got rid of their jeans and underwear. Jonas took the opportunity to roll them around, staying on top of Erik. Jonas leaned down and kissed Erik's forehead, the tip of his nose and finally his lips met Erik's where they got caught up in a very heated, love filled kiss.

"Can I confess something?" Jonas asked when they broke apart. His eyes were locked with Erik's.

"Anything."

"It might sound silly but I... I was kinda... I was 'saving' myself for this night, for you. I mean, it has been months since our last time. And since then there were times when I felt sexually frustrated, really needing to relieve myself. But as much I needed it I never touched myself, as frustrating as that made me. I just wanted to save it for you, that it'd be more pleasurable and make our next time somehow more special. If that makes any sense. I know, it's silly..."

"If that's silly then we're two silly guys completely in love. I've withhold myself as well. I wanted you to touch me, it's always more pleasurable. To know that you saved yourself for me makes it more special. "Erik moved his hand between their bodies, reaching for Jonas’ cock and his own, rubbing and stroking them together, making both of them moan at the contact." I promise it'll be worthy. I'll drive you crazy tonight."

"Not sure I'll last long, though."

"No problem. I'll make you come more than once if I have to, my love."

Even in the dim light Erik could still see Jonas’ eyes shining with desire. The brunette smiled at him and stole a kiss before starting his exploratory journey over Erik's body. He started by kissing Erik's shoulder, his biceps and hand. Then he moved towards hid boyfriend's navel, licking around it very teasingly. He smiled when he heard Erik trying to hold back a moan. From there his kissing trail went downwards, skipping Erik's growing erection, and stopping at his perfect muscled thighs, kissing the inner side of both, where he knew to be quite a sensible area for Erik.

"You know, I don't know if I should be envy or feel lucky." Jonas said as he took a little break, giving Erik time to stead his breathing. "If envy of such perfect toned thighs of yours or lucky that I get to touch and kiss them."

"So, that's it? This is all about my thighs? And I thought you loved me for who I was. I was fooled. What a shame." Erik joked, pretending to be feeling upset, crossing his arms over his chest. Jonas leaned down intending to kiss him but Erik stopped him."You're not bad yourself, you know that right? Because I don't like to be seen as all that handsome while you belittle yourself. That's not right. You're just as a lot handsome and amazing. I love every bit of you. But yes, you're lucky, very lucky. You get to touch and kiss my thighs but that's not all your lips and hands can reach."

"Hell yeah to that. All this gorgeousness belongs to me now." Jonas moved up so he could kiss Erik once again. "You're mine. All mine. No one else is gonna have you. No one else will ever love you like I can... Like I do. No one."

"Good. Because I don't want anybody else. I just want you, my love."

And with their next kiss a rush of adrenaline started to kick in their bodies. Erik noticed Jonas slipping his hand downwards, probably to reach his length but he stopped Jonas midway and rolled them around once again, now on top of the brunette.

Erik got back to play with Jonas’ nipples using his tongue, feeling his boyfriend moving underneath him, trying to resist the constant teasing. Jonas then started to rub circles on his back giving Erik goosebumps with his light touches. When Jonas dropped his hands lower, resting them on his boyfriend's ass, Erik let out some inaudible words at that and decided to go back to 'attack' Jonas’ neck with kisses and gentle bites that would probably leave hickeys but he didn't care. He knew that paying such caring attention to his neck was what would make Jonas lose control. And he wasn't wrong.

"Oh, god! You're killing me. Take me, baby. Make me yours now." Jonas practically begged, his voice hoarse with lust. "I'm close already and you haven't even touched me yet. Take me, sweetheart."

"As you just said it, I'm not finished yet. I still have to tease you some more. Hold on, love."

Erik made a trail of kisses going down on Jonas’ body. He stopped when he reached very close to Jonas' cock. There he wrapped his hand around the brunette's length and started stroke it with smooth moves. Jonas closed his eyes to give in to the feeling of having Erik working him up. His breath got heavier as Erik increased his pleasure as he kept stroking him. Suddenly, as Jonas never saw it coming, he ended up letting a loud groan escape when he felt Erik's lips kissing his balls. Jonas’s eyes immediately flew open. He didn't expect that. He remembered the last times they had sex, how Erik wasn't comfortable to give oral and he was about to interrupt his boyfriend, saying he didn't need to do that but what Erik did next almost took him over the edge.

The pair of green eyes were fixed on him, barely blinking, as Erik licked very slowly from the base of his cock till the head, repeating the move a couple times. Erik didn't take him fully in his mouth, he just couldn't do it yet but he did use his tongue to play with the tip of his cock. Not that Erik had experience with that, he didn't. However, he remembered clearly what Jonas had done to him before and tried to do the same. For a moment Jonas thought he'd pass out by the view he had of Erik doing those moves very teasingly along with how all that felt incredible. He was surprised he hadn't reached his orgasm yet. But he was too close. Erik realized the same as he felt the first drops of Jonas pre come on his tongue and stopped what he was doing.

Jonas had enough of Erik's teasing. Even with his own orgasm about to blow up he gathered some strength he still had left and changed their positions, being the one on top now. He didn't waste any time. He reached for Erik's cock, stroking it to full erection with quick strokes. Erik was being too slow for his liking. While he did that Erik bit his own bottom lip trying but failing to suppress his pleasure' cries.

When Erik reached full hardness Jonas rushed to the bathroom to get the lube. He handled it to Erik and lied back on the bed, anxiously waiting for Erik to make love to him. The blonde got a hold of his legs, spreading them but before anything else, Erik ran his fingers up and down his legs enjoying touching him. His hands stooped on Jonas’ right knee and he took time to caress the scars from his injury. Jonas could never get tired of the devotion Erik showed him through such simple touches.

Erik spread lube on his fingers and around his boyfriend's hole. When Jonas first felt Erik's fingers caressing him there he tensed up slightly, involuntary. Probably because he hadn't had sex in months. Erik kissed him, playing with his tongue to help Jonas relax while he kept moving his fingers in circles around his hole to help loose him up. Obviously, Jonas appreciated very much what Erik was doing but for him, Jonas, to keep holding his release was becoming a bit painful already.

"For fucking sake, baby. Can you go any slower? I dare you!" Jonas said sarcastically.

"I promised to make love to you, sweetheart. That's what I'm doing. I want this to be the best sex we ever had, to be special. So, I'm just taking good care of you, to get you ready for me. I want to love you, not to hurt you."

"Alright. But if you keep going this slow I might as well take you instead."

"Well, I would love you to."

Erik knew would Jonas complain again but he decided to shut him up in advance. The blonde simply pulled his index finger into Jonas’ core. That indeed kept Jonas quiet. He gasped at the sudden intrusion, his mouth hanging open and Erik took the opportunity to lean down and nibble at his bottom lip. Erik then started to get Jonas ready for him faster, but still carefully pulling his finger in and out adding the second and the third finger as he got his boyfriend loosened up, because by now not even he himself was standing taking too long to get it going.

Once he felt Jonas' body totally relaxed and wide enough for him, Erik nudged the head of his cock against Jonas’ hole, ready to push in.

"Are you sure you want me to go ahead without a condom?"

"Baby, please. I want you, all of you. I want to feel you in all the possible ways. Do it. Take me. I want you so bad."

No need to say twice. Erik added some more lube to make his way in easier. With his right hand he steadied his cock, gradually increasing the pressure to break in. Jonas bit the pillow, suppressing his moans, as Erik slowly filled him, stretching his walls carefully while being welcomed by the warmth of his boyfriend's body.

"Fuck! You're so tight, love. Feels so good... So good." Erik said, his voice in a low tone.

He gave time for Jonas to get used to being stretched. Meanwhile, seeing his beloved one's right hand rested beside his head, on the pillow, Erik, using the left hand, reached for Jonas’ hand and intertwined their fingers. No matter what, Erik wouldn't let go of his lover's hand anytime soon.

Erik took Jonas’ lips once again in his. They played and teased one another using their tongues. There wasn't a better feeling than sharing such passionate kisses and giving themselves to one another, feeling wanted and always desiring for more. This good feeling that rushed through their bodies was contagious, they simply couldn't get enough of it.

With their noses brushing, lips only inches apart, Erik began to moving his hips, starting with gentle thrusts into Jonas tight hole. Erik felt him smile against his lips as he pulled almost all the way out only to fill him again and repeat it a few times. The fact that Erik wasn't wearing a condom made it more pleasurable, more than they could have expected. Jonas could feel the skin of his cock moving inside him, to feel it throbbing and it's little veins. For Erik being able to feel Jonas’ walls so close and tight, constantly stretching them and the warmth felt really good.

But Erik wasn't going deep yet. He was just enjoying the nice and slow thrusts along the sounds of Jonas' frustrated sigh every time he threatened to go deeper to touch his prostrate but pulled back intead. Jonas decided to use his free hand, the other was still intertwined with Erik's, to touch the blonde's chest, using the thumb to play with his nipple. Apparently that worked to make his boyfriend pick up a rhythm.

As Erik kept thrusting he felt Jonas' walls loosening up around him and with that, along Jonas’ playing with his nipple, he increased the pace of his thrusts. That earned him a very eager kiss.

"So, how is that for showing you love so far?" Erik asked, taking a break from thrusting.

"More than perfect, baby. Being with you is always wonderful, not matter what. But this night is going beyond my expectations. I have a request, though. For God's sake, can't you please speed up?"

"I'm making love to you. Keeping it slow is a good way to make the most of every kiss, every touch, every caress, every thrust and how perfectly out bodies fit together."

"Love me harder then!"

"That I will, love."

Erik didn't waste time. Before he started thrusting again, he got a hold of Jonas’ legs putting them over his sholders. Firstly, he turned his head to kiss the inner side of knees. Following he leaned down slightly and started to move with more powerful and faster thrusts. Reaching deeper at each new thrust. Jonas couldn't help but to let his moans escape as Erik started to pound into him, his hips smacking against his ass, making him go deeper than before, finally reaching his prostate.

Jonas cried out at the first hit but Erik didn't gave him time to get used. He went on in a row of hard thrusts straight into Jonas’ spot. Their fingers were still intertwined, their hands sweating, Erik felt Jonas squeezing his hand and his body squirming underneath him.

After a few more thrusts Erik rested Jonas' legs on the bed again and kept a steady rhythm. Some times changing the depth and the strength of his thrusts. Even managing to surprise his boyfriend with a couple of slightly rough hits on his prostrate when he least expected.

"Damn! Damn! Erik! So good, baby, so good. Don't... Oh, Fuck! Don't stop. Keep going that way.... Damn good!"

"Are you close?"

"Too much for my liking." Jonas said. He was about to use his free hand to stroke himself but Erik slapped it away.

Erik increased the speed of his thrusts for a last time. But he didn't keep going for long. Suddenly, he pulled out completely making Jonas complain in frustration at the abrupt loss, wanting desesperately to be taken again since he was in the blinking of coming.

"Where the hell do you think you're going? Get this gorgeous dick of yours back here and take me again!"

"No. I want to try something different. Get up!"

"You've got to be kidding me! I'm not even sure I have strength left for that."

"C'mon, stop complaining and do it. It'll be fun." Erik said, held Jonas' hands and pulled him out of bed. Erik then sat on the middle of the bed, his arms slightly behind him to support his weight, legs half spread. "Sit on my lap." He demanded and Jonas looked at him surprised. "You want me to take you again or not?"

Jonas crawled back on the bed on his knees and sat on Erik's lap, placing his legs on either sides of the blonde's body as Erik held his hips and slowly filled him again. Jonas moaned at the feeling of having Erik inside his body once again. The position in which they were now with Jonas on Erik's lap made Jonas slightly taller than the blonde. Jonas put his arms around Erik’s neck, lowered his head a bit and kissed him.

"So, how does it feel?" Erik asked

"God, this is so good." Jonas replied. Erik's shaft was practically buried inside him.

"Where did the idea come from?"

"Just going for a change. Well, the position worked for a girl before."

"I'm not sure if you realized but I'm not a girl." Jonas joked.

"Oh, I could never have guessed that." Erik said sarcastically as he started to rock his hips slightly forward and backwards. "Not even with your dick poking at my stomach."

"You like that."

"Yeah. Anyway, I was tired of doing it the 'traditional' way and thought that trying new things could make it better."

"Trying new things? Not a bad idea. What will be next, using a blindfold?"

"You're giving me such a good idea."

"Oh, no..."

"Oh yeah, I'm totally doing it one day. It must be fun. You can't see anything, just feel. I'm curious about it. And actually, I still have the blindfold Sophia gave me."

"Seriously? Do you really have to mention her right now?" Jonas asked a bit annoyed. "She's a turn off to me."

"Well, not to me." Erik replied and this got Jonas to punch his shoulder for that. "What? Is this what I get for being honest? No wonder why people use to lie often."

"There are some truths you should keep to yourself if you still want to have a boyfriend by tomorrow morning."

"I'll shut up then. I definitely want to keep having this wonderful boyfriend of mine by tomorrow, by the next month, by the next year and who knows, by the next decades as well."

"Wow, next decades? Thinking too far already, don't you think?"

"Jonas, you turned my life upside down. In a good way. This is so much better than I could've expected. Damn, I didn't even expect us to ever be together in the first place. You have no idea how extremely grateful I am that you took the initiative that lead us to this night. Being together, sharing this closeness, making love." Erik put his arms around Jonas and kissed him. Quick kisses just to enjoy every time their lips connected again and to feel the way how Jonas seeked for more."Do you think I'd ever let go of you, of what you do to me, how you make me feel? No way! So, you'll have yo keep up with me for a long, long time."

"If that means that I get to give and receive so much love as you give me every day for the rest of my life then I suppose I can live with that. I aways feel like falling in love again and again. Just loving you more by each day."

"I know how it feels like. It's exactly the way I feel for you. I love you, Jonas."

"Love you too, Erik." Jonas kissed him again. A kiss that started out gently but as their burning love desired more, they soon got caught up in a very fond and fervently kiss.

Erik started to rock him while Jonas moved his hips up and down in a slow pace, so that the tip of Erik's cock was massaging his spot, creating a gentle but pleasurable pressure. Erik, whose arms were still around Jonas back, pressed their bodies together, chests touching. Jonas would run his fingers slowly through Erik's hair while kissing his neck while feeling Erik gently moving inside him.

The room was being filled by soft moans coming from both as they moved in sync. Erik thrusted into him as Jonas moved his hips to meet Erik's thrusts. At some point they had to take a break. They pressed their foreheads together, big smiles upon their faces, looking deep into one another's eyes, heavily breathing.

_**You lift my heart up** _

_**When the rest of me is down** _

_**You, you enchant me, even when you're not around** _

_**If there are boundaries, I will try to knock them down** _

_**I'm latching on babe, now I know what I have found** _

Once they steadied their breaths, they got back to kissing. They simply couldn't keep away from each other's mouth. Kissing over and over. Then stopping to catch their breaths. Only to kiss again and again. Their lips were swollen by now. But none of them could care less. Their tongues were deeply involved on a fun battle to show love.

They were completely giving themselves into their intimate moment. Surrending to each other. And deep down, for the first time, they were unconditionally surrendering to love. And there wasn't a greater feeling than what they were feeling at that moment. They were so comfortable in each other's arms, happy for sharing such love and passion through kisses, touches, words and sweet nothings whispered in their ears. In that moment it wasn't just their bodies that were connected but their hearts and souls, as well.

_**I feel we're close enough** _

_**I want to lock in your love** _

_**I think we're close enough** _

__ _**Could I lock in your love baby** _

They started moving again keeping going in slow motion for awhile. When Erik felt Jonas clenching his walls around him, he sped up his movements, rocking him back and forth. Jonas noticed his efforts right away and moved up and down faster allowing Erik's to make gentle thrusts against his spot. Following, Erik gave a few hard thrusts but came to still his movements.

He knew, given Jonas’ inability to control his moans any longer, that his boyfriend was dangerously close to come. However, he didn't want it to happen through hard thrusts. He was convinced he could do it out of stimulation. Instead of thrusting into Jonas he just moved his cock slightly back and forth against his spot, making a very pleasant pressure.

_**I'm so encaptured, got me wrapped up in your touch** _

_**Feel so enamored, hold me tight within your clutch** _

_**How do you do it, you got me losing every breath** _

_**What did you give me, to make my heart beat out my chest** _

The more he increased the pressure, the more Jonas clenched around him and that was pulling Erik to his limits. The constant pressure became to much for Jonas. He dropped his head on Erik’s shoulder as he felt the wave of his exctasy hit him. Erik held Jonas tight in his arms as his boyfriend shuddered through his orgasm, moaning and crying out near Erik's ear. He came untouched creating a sticky mess between both of their abdomen. Jonas went limp after having held back his release for so long.

Erik felt Jonas get tighter around him after his release and that pushed him to his limits. Jonas claimed his lips swallowing Erik's moans. Erik managed about four more thrusts and before he could even ask if he was allowed to come inside him, he ended up spilling his load into Jonas's body when he reached his climax, crying out Jonas’ name.

When Jonas felt Erik finding his own release inside of him he just kept clenching around his boyfriend's cock, till the last drop of his pleasure. He enjoyed watching Erik, with his pupils dilated, biting his bottom lip as he went through his exctasy. And the best was knowing he was the one doing this, giving love and pleasure, to Erik.

**_Now I've got you in my space_ **

**_I won't let go of you_ **

**_Got you shackled in my embrace_ **

**_I'm latching onto you_ **

They were completely out of breath when they were both done. But once they steadied their breathes they got back to exchanging sweet and light kisses, still holding each other for a little longer.

"It was amazing" Jonas said as he smiled shyly.

"You're amazing" Erik replied looking at Jonas adoringly,

"So are you, honey."

Jonas kissed him one last time before getting out of Erik's lap so both of them could get clean. After a quick shower they headed to sleep, cuddling for the first time, holding hands, their fingers intertwined. Erik fell asleep to the calming sound of Jonas voice whispering softly 'I love you' into his ear. Meanwhile when Jonas fell asleep he still had a smile on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So..... Thoughts? I'd LOVE to hear from you. Comments and kudos are VERY appreciated.


	47. "Excuses"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erik struggles with handling his feelings and Marco tries to help him.
> 
> Sorry it took me longer than usual to update this. I got stuck. Whenever I was about to start this chapter, I looked at the blank page without having an idea of what to write. But once I started, I wrote a lot. Another long chapter.
> 
> So, in this chapter there's mention of a fictional Götzeus past. If you, reader of this story, also happen to like Reus and Götze, I just wanted to say there's no intention to offend your favorites, it's just that this is not their story, so their past is disastrous. I wrote about it while listening to "Grenade - Bruno Mars". So, yeah, not a happy ending for them here.
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy it! Let me know your thoughts. Feedback is highly appreciated and feeds my inspiration.

Chapter 47 - Excuses

On the next morning Erik came back to his senses slowly, feeling something slightly wet and soft touching his skin some times, going from his abs to his chest and back. Opening his eyes, Erik watched as Jonas gave light kisses all over his skin. Since the brunette didn't seem to notice he had woken up, Erik just kept watching him and enjoying the feeling of Jonas' lips against his skin for a little while.

"Hey! Good morning, love." Erik said as he stretched his arms to fully feel awake. "I wouldn't mind waking up like this often."

"Good morning, baby." Jonas said, reaching out to kiss his boyfriend's lips. "After the incredible night we shared, it's the least I could do, for now."

"It was incredible, indeed. I never felt so loved before and I'm not exaggerating about it. That night could have gone on and on and I'd have never get enough of it. Of how we loved each other, how it felt so good. I can only hope that it was as great for you as well."

"Great? Are you kidding me? It was wonderful. Being into the comfort of your arms as we made love. That was the best night I ever had. Much better than our three previous times. Back then it was just sex. Last night, we completely gave in to love and it was absolutely perfect. I'm definitely never gonna forget this Valentines Day."

"And you said you didn't mind Valentines Day."

"But I don't. If I'm supposed to love you just in a specific date then what am I supposed to do for the rest of the 365 days till the next Valentines Day? To hate you?" Jonas stole a slow but eager kiss. "Damn! That would be such a waste. I don't need Valentines Day to reassure my love for you. And I promise to love you for the next 365 days."

"What about beyond that?"

"Make sweet love to me again and I'll extend that for more 365 days"

"That I'll surely do. However, I'm not waiting 365 days. One week, if I can stand that much without you. In fact, I wouldn't mind if we could have a few minutes right now."

"I'm sorry. I still have to stop by my place before going to work. I'll run late if I don't leave soon."

"And so we go back to pretending nothing is really happening." Erik spoke and Jonas noticed some annoyance on his tone.

"What is it? I thought you were okay with keeping it between us."

"Until when will we have to keep... You know what? Nevermind. We don't have time to talk about it now."

"Ok, but we'll get back to that some time. If there's something bothering you, you can always talk to me, you know that right?"

Erik just replied with a smile and a quick kiss. Jonas grabbed the first yellow jersey he saw on the closet and put it on. The shirt he had been wearing before was crumpled so he decided to wear the jersey Erik had left there for him. Before leaving Jonas kissed Erik one last time.

Half an hour later Erik was on the changing room getting ready for the morning running training. Along him, Castro, Burki, Marco, Matze, Schmelle and Auba were there, at that moment, as well. They were talking about their weekends and how they spent their Valentines Days with their beloved ones.

"Looks like everyone had a great Valentines Day. Except, of course, Erik and Marco, who seem to enjoy being forever alone and simply are unable to get themselves girlfriends."Auba said.

"Correction: Marco is the only one. I'm dating someone." Erik replied and Matze looked at him surprised, wondering if he was about to reveal the truth to the ones that didn't know it yet.

"You're lying. You don't want to admit you spent it all alone." Auba spoke, clearly not taking Erik seriously.

"Why would I lie? My Valentines Day was fantastic. I'm deeply in love with this person, we had an amazing dinner yesterday... And that's all I'm gonna say." Erik could feel his cheeks getting red, as his lips turned into a smile with the memories from last night.

"Lover boy is growing up, finally." Auba joked. "You look happy, it seems she's doing you good. When will you introduce us the new Mrs Durm?"

"Bro, if you're expecting him to introduce a girlfriend, don't hold your breath." Marco apparently couldn't help himself. "This won't happen anytime soon, if ever."

"Marco!" Erik called him out for letting his secret out. Schmelle, Castro and Auba didn't know it but now it was matter of time.

"What do you mean by that? If there isn't a Mrs Durm, then..." Auba was confused at first but it didn't take long for him to understand. He got a bit shocked by the realization. "It's a boyfriend...?"

Erik's lack of words were just a confirmation. The changing room was suddenly filled by a deadly silence. He felt everyone's eyes on him, even from the ones that already knew it. He was thinking on what to say next but the silence was broken when Jonas walked in and for some reason, since Erik wasn't looking at his boyfriend he couldn't know, Marco burst into laugh.

"What is going on here?" Jonas asked hesitantly, finding odd the silence since usually there were a lot of talks and music playing in the changing room. Marco's laugh only made him more curious.

"I think you got an extra 3 on your shirt." Marco said. "This is getting so obvious."

"What?" At first Jonas didn't get what he meant but he looked at his own shirt to see what was wrong. He hadn't noticed before but there was a 37 on the training jersey he was wearing instead of his own 7.

"Jonas and I, we..." Erik started to talk but Jonas interrupted him before he could say another word.

"Actually, Erik forgot his shirt at my place last week, somehow it ended up mixed with my jerseys. I was late today, in hurry I took the first shirt I saw, didn't notice it was the wrong one." Jonas hurried to take off Erik's shirt and threw it back at him.

When Erik first noticed that Jonas was wearing his 37 jersey he couldn't help but to smile at that. However, his smile soon disappeared hearing Jonas' silly excuse. Marco was right, it was getting obvious. Considering the talk they were having and Jonas showing up with his shirt, anyone could have made the connection. Why bother giving excuses? Ok, Jonas didn't know what they were talking about, so he had no idea how obvious they are getting.

It seemed like Castro believed in Jonas' excuse. Auba still looked at him surprised with the fact Erik had a boyfriend, probably didn't even hear Marco's remark. A look at Schmelle and Erik knew he had figured out the truth. The older German was quiet on his own but gave Erik a comprehensive glance.

Thankfully Matze changed the subject and the guys talked about something else avoiding getting Jonas and Erik into more awkwardness. As Erik tied up his shoes lace, he got the feeling that Jonas had just somehow rejected him in public. But before it could futher upset him it was time for the running training and he was glad about it. It'd keep him distracted and away from troubling thoughts.

That day they had running training in the norning, a gym session and team training later afternoon. Jonas acted as if everything was normal through all of it. But was it? Erik wondered if he was overreacting, getting bothered for no reason. It was just an excuse. Why should it be a big deal?

When the training was over the players headed down to take their showers. When Erik finished his, he wrapped a towel around his hips and walked back in the changing room. There he met Jonas, who was finishing getting set to go home. Erik put on his briefs and his jeans. Before putting his shirt he searched in his locker for something that wasn't there.

"Damn! I forgot my toiletry bag again. No hair gel, no deodorant. Nuri must have already gone home."

"It's okay. I keep a spare bag for you in here." Jonas said and Erik watched him reach for a small toiletry bag in his locker and offer it to him. "Knowing you use to forget yours often, I thought it'd be useful to keep a spare in my locker."

"Really, you did that for me?" Erik checked what was inside and Jonas had gotten right all the products he liked. "This is so nice of you. You just saved me, thank you."

"Well, considering you set a whole house so I could be comfortable there, this is the least I could do."

"You're perfect, I love you, you know that?" Erik whispered and dared to kiss Jonas, taking chance that no one was around.

"No! Not here." Jonas put his hand on Erik's chest and pushed him away.

"Why are you doing this?" Erik asked, feeling rejected again when Jonas denied him a kiss.

"Doing what?"

"Turning me down. For the second time today."

"What are you talking about? I didn't turn you down. This is just not the place for it. You know that very well. What is wrong with you?"

"I'll tell you what is wrong..." Erik was saying but Marco came back from his shower. "Whatever.... Thanks for the spare bag, anyway."

"Leave it in my locker before you go home. You'll surely forget yours again any other day." And with that Jonas left. As Erik finished getting dressed and got his belongings, he put the toiletry bag in Jonas' locker, ready to go home but Marco walked towards him.

"Look, Erik, I'm sorry for what I said earlier today. Sorry for giving away that you have boyfriend. I don't know if you're ready for that and I didn't have the right to tell your secret."

"It's okay. Sooner or later everyone will end up knowing. I'm not sure how long I can keep going with controlling myself to treat Hoffi as just my best friend as everyone thinks we're when in reality we're much more than that." Erik said and before Marco could say anything Auba walked in there. For some reason he seemed surprised to see Erik still there but soon he could find his words to talk to him,

"Hey, I didn't expect you'd have a boyfriend, I never saw that coming. Forgive me, if the way I looked at you seemed like I was judging you. I would never do that. It's okay if you have boyfriend, really. Whether you choose a girlfriend or boyfriend we'll support you either way. And whenever you feel like introducing him to us he'll be welcomed."

"Thank you, Auba. It means a lot to me." Erik replied and patted him on the shoulder. "And don't worry, it never crossed my mind the possibility that your suprised looked would be one of judgment. You're too cool for that kind of behavior. Thanks for the support."

"I have the impression you'll gonna like him." Marco said to Auba.

"You know who it is?" Is it someone we know?" Auba asked and Marco faked a smug smile. Auba wasn't sure what that was exactly supposed to mean but apparently he took it the wrong way. "What? No.... No. Really?"

For a few seconds Erik looked from Auba to Marco, confused. The two had a great friendship in which sometimes they didn't need to say much for the other to understand. But Erik didn't know why Auba, suddenly, looked at him and Marco, stunned. Meanwhile, Marco decided to play along and joke about Auba's wrong assumption.

"Yeah, that's right. Erik is so gorgeous that I couldn't resist." Marco, still only on his underwear, walked towards Erik, hugging him from behind and rested his head over Erik's shoulder. "He's such fine piece of man, so sexy. I caught myself falling in love with him and made my mission to win his heart. My plans worked much better than I expected and now we're absolutely happy together. Love you, darling." Marco even dared to give a quick kiss on Erik's neck.

Auba was speechless, looking perplexed at them. At the same time, for Erik it felt quite unsettling having another man's arms, other than Jonas', around him like that. The touch of Marco's lips against his skin got him tensed up completely. Before Marco could have another crazy idea like a fake kiss or something, Erik got himself out of his arms, pushing him away.

"Ugh! God, no! Get off! You're making me sick. Stop it!" Erik complained but Marco only laughed walking back to his locker.

"Serious, though, he's indeed lucky for having someone like you." Marco said.

"And I'm lucky for having him. Well, I'll be going. See ya!" Erik fist bumped Marco and Auba and left. As he walked out he still heard Auba asking Marco whom he were talking about. He couldn't hear Marco's answer but he hoped Marco wouldn't say it.

Erik sat inside his car, put the seat belt on, ready to drive home when his cell phone rang. It was his mother. They talked for some minutes, she asked about how he was, how everything was going, if he needed something for the new house. She also asked about Jonas. He replied saying they were doing good, even if right now he wasn't exactly certain about it.

When he finished the call, he saw he had some new messages. Some from friends and one from Jonas. He'd read his friends messages after getting home but he just couldn't ignore Jonas' message.

_"Honey, whatever is bothering you, we should talk. I don't like seeing you that way and not know what's up. I'm in my flat. Come by. Love ya!"_

_"Sorry, I can't. I'll go home. I need to stay alone for tonight. There's not much bothering me, probably just a silly thing. Nothing to worry. Love you too."_

Erik had to admit that at this moment the comfort of Jonas’ arms was the only thing that could make him feel better. However, he didn't want to see him right now. He still felt hurt by the way Jonas rejected and pushed him away, even if he did that involuntarily. He just wanted to go home and get some rest. He was just about to reach the gear to put in rear mode when Marco showed up by the passenger door.

"Hey, you have plans for tonight?"

"Not really, why?"

"Could you give me a ride home?"

"As long as you promise to never hug me like that ever again."

"I promise."

"Ok, get in." Erik said, finding a bit strange Marco asking him for a ride, the older one would usually ride with Marcel.

"Thanks. Sorry if that hug made you uneasy." Marco said as he got inside and Erik started to drive. "I didn't think it would. I mean, you're dating a guy."

"He's not just any guy. He's Jonas. I felt very at easy with him right from the first time I met him. It has been a long road that lead us to what we have now. Other than Jonas, I don't feel attracted at all to men. Jonas is the only exception. I don't see myself as gay. I still feel attraction for women... Oh, don't ever tell Jonas I said that."

Marco smiled and nodded at him. They chatted through their way to the older one's house. Once Erik parked his car in front his house, he turned his attention to him.

"Ok, you never ask me for a ride. So, what is going on?"

"I admit, I told Marcel I didn't need him to pick me up tonight. I wanted to talk to you."

"About what?"

"Do you have time for a talk? Let's get inside."

Erik was intrigued. It wasn't usual Marco inviting him to his place. He had been there before only a couple times. He knew it should probably be a serious talk but he had no idea what that would be about.

"Come in, make yourself home." Marco said as he opened the door. Erik walked past him and he closed the door. "You want something to drink?"

"No, I'm good."

"Ok. Just give me a minute, I'll be right back."

While Marco went to some other room in the house Erik stayed in the living room. He looked around, it didn't look much different from the last time he had been there. There were some pictures of Marco with his nephew, Nico. Erik kept looking at them, smiling, remembering that he himself would become an uncle soon.

"Aw, Nico! He's the best kid. I have such a great time whenever my sister brings him here. I feel like being a kid all over again when I play with him. I love my nephew so much." Marco said as he saw Erik looking at the pictures.

"How is it like being an uncle?"

"It's wonderful. There's no better feeling when you see him running excitedly to hug you, when you make him smile, to hear that beautiful sound of a kid laughing, to take care of him. He's not my son but I love him just as much as if he were."

"That gets me more excited than I already am."

"For what?"

"Oh, in a few months I'll be an uncle as well. My sister is expecting."

"That's great news! It's such an incredible experience being uncle. You'll love it. Will it be a boy or girl?"

"Lisa doesn't know yet. At first she and her husband wanted it to be a surprise. But she told me they're too anxious and decided to know the baby gender. She'll know soon.... Anyway, what do you want to talk about?"

"Look, I'll going to tell you things I never said to anyone. So, this MUST stay between us. Can I trust you?"

"Of course! I promise to keep my mouth shut. Is it that top secret stuff?"

"It's about my past with Mario." Marco said, looking down.

"Marco, I guess this is a delicate issue . You don't have to talk about it if that brings you down."

"I saw the hurt and disappointment in your eyes when Jonas came up with that excuse. I've been there before. Many times. One night you have the time of your life with your lover than on the other day you just have to conceal it all, like your emotions and feelings meant nothing at all. I know what it feels like." Marco was talking slowly. Erik didn't know if he was just carefully choosing what to say or if maybe the hurt of his memories were slowing him. Either way, he didn't dare interrupt the older one. "Mario was the first, and only, man I fell in love with. And I was his first as well. At first, it was confusing to be feeling attracted for someone of the same sex. We went through these new discoveries together. After some months I started to consider coming out because I couldn't keep hiding my feelings. But Mario? He started to get a little paranoid. Would come up with foolish excuses for the slightest detail that could give us away. When the fans started to notice something was up and call us 'Götzeus' it only got worse. It wasn't only excuses anymore. There were lies, pretending and eventually a fake girlfriend."

"What a mess. How did it got that far?"

"When people started to suspect that Mario and I were together, I decided I wanted to come out, at least to the people close to us. I'd do anything for him, for us, so we could be happy together. I thought he was willing to do the same for me. But he wouldn't do the same. Realizing that was painful. When I suggested him for us to get serious, to come out, he freaked out. He said it'd ruin his career. Funny he never complained about that when I fu... Sorry. But I never understood this fear of his. I mean, Reus and Götze, the stars of the team, the duo that were scoring a lot of goals for BVB, who would have dared to change that? I just couldn't understand."

"You mentioned a fake girlfriend. I suppose that would be Ann Kathrin...?"

"Yeah. After all this time, I believe he ended up falling for her. I genuinely think he loves her now. But he didn't back then. When pretty much everyone got very suspicious of us he came up with this 'genius' idea of pretending to have a girlfriend to cover us, to take the suspicions away. Of course I didn't like the idea. But I was blinded by love. I wanted to have him, and if that was the only way I could have him, then I'd take it. One night he'd go out with her and get photographed together to show that 'happy' new cute couple in 'love'. The other night he'd show up at my door begging me to drive him crazy."

"How could you keep up with that? It sounds sick."

"Like I said, I was blinded. Couldn't see beyond my lust for him. But with time, a few weeks later, I got enough of it. I asked him how far he'd go to fight for us, if he was willing do whatever it'd take for that. Because I was. I'd do anything, everything. However, he looked in my eyes and lied. And also said he needed time, again with the fear of ruining his career. He wouldn't even explain why. A month later I get to hear he was in talks with Bayern. He couldn't even tell it to me himself. That was it, I had had enough of him. He was mostly worried about himself. I'd do anything for him but he wouldn't do the same for me. That was when I realized what an idiot I had been and I finally got self conscious that I didn't deserve that. I believe he did have feelings for me but it wasn't that stronger. I wasn't worth it for him. He took Bayern's offer without even thinking what he was leaving behind. Well, he made his choice. Some months later he came to visit me. He admitted that he messed up what we had and apologized for leaving the way he did. I accepted it and we moved on. We remain friends but that's all. His eagerness took the best of him. And I was left with trust issues."

"Do you think he regrets his choice? I mean, he had a place granted on the starting eleven here. Meanwhile, it's almost three years he has been in Bayern but he still couldn't establish himself in the team."

"Sometimes I wonder that. But I never asked that to him. Had he stayed I think we could have turned into the best duo, creating a lot of goals together. Like what Auba and I are today. Well, he chose the easiest way. Who am I to judge if it was the best decision or not? He's happy there, I'm happy here and so life goes on."

"I'm so sorry to hear that you have been through such awful experience. You deserve better than that. Mario didn't treat you right, he didn't deserve you."

"Anyway, you must be wondering why am I telling you this. I guess you and Jonas are just starting a serious relationship and it's not my intention to scare you with the story of a failed attempt of a same sex relationship, which, by the way, it wasn't my fault that it failed. At least, it's an advice of what NOT to do, of how to avoid things go wrong too soon."

"I just don't understand why you're comparing me and Jonas to what you had with Mario in the past. No offense but Jonas is nothing like Mario. Neither am I like you."

"But I do understand how it sucks to hold back feelings. When Jonas gave that excuse I felt like reliving all those days when Mario were the one giving excuses. And by experience, when your start giving excuses to conceal a relationship, the chances are high that it'll get worse the more you try to hide it. Now, this wasn't me comparing my relationship with yours, after all, I couldn't possibly know how things are going between you two. And you don't have to tell me. After seeing that you two got into the excuses stage, it was like seeing a red light, I knew I had to do or say something to avoid you two going down that road because I've been there and it's not nice."

"I know I shouldn't have gotten upset at Jonas today. His excuse was a way to protect us, our secret. But yet, that felt like a rejection, it hurt. It was out of my control how that made me feel. And it's not fair to him, after all, we never discussed coming out. He was just doing what we had agreed last, when things were still casual, that was to keep it between us. Now things are serious, but we didn't talk about it."

"Maybe he's not ready to come out. After all its a very tough decision that will expose your lives." Marco said. "We both know that are more footballers out there that rather live a lie than to admit being in a same sex relationship. The uncertainty of how that will be taken and how it'll affect their careers doesn't give them the courage to come out."

"I think two years ago Thomas Hitzlsperger had the courage to come out in public, admitting being gay."

"Yeah, he did. But he had already retired from football. Rarely you will see someone admit that in the middle of their careers. I wanted to come out but Mario didn't. That was the main reason why it didn't work. If you want to come out, you should give it a thousand thoughts. Once it's out, you can't get back. You and Jonas should talk about it and only do it once you're absolutely sure of that, to be sure you two are on the same page, that you two are ready together to do so. To be sure of the love you feel for each other, if it's strong enough to keep you together through whatever you might have to face. Any small disagreement could make all go wrong. Admitting the truth will give you some kind of freedom but reaching it might be complicated."

"Its not like am very anxious to come out. I just don't want to have to keep concealing my feelings. I don't want to expose my life or Jonas’. I don't want to have to keep pretending either. After all, people will end up knowing sooner or later. As much as we try to hide it, I bet sometimes we still get a little obvious."

"You do. Some stares, the way you talk in the halftime when you support each other, I mean, I also support my team mates but I surely don't go nearly kissing them." Marco said, making Erik smile. "Or the way how Jonas looked lost on the pitch after you were taken to the hospital on that match you suffered a concussion. To be honest, I don't think it'll be much of a big surprise to our team mates. And if you want to know, that should be your first step."

"What are you talking about?"

"Maybe you could come out for our team mates and the BVB staff first. Many of us know each other for some years now. They'd understand and respect it. Maybe a few won't like the idea of team mates dating but as long as you two respect that that is a work place and keep it strictly professional, they will respect your choice. I know about you two for a while and yet never saw you being unprofessional about it. I know that having to pretend nothing is going on is somehow suffocating, and the constant fear of letting the secret slip is worse, so if you could act freely there it would make things better and would let you focus even more on trainings, once you don't have to worry about letting feelings show, getting obvious."

"Talking like that you make it look easier than it really is."

"We're like a family, you know that. They wouldn't judge you or Jonas for that. Coming out to them would be a good start. But coming out to the public, that you should wait more time until you two are sure you can handle it."

"Well, telling the people we work with would be nice, since we spend a lot of time there, it'd mean less time having to pretend. However, the more people know the higher the changes of the wrong people getting to hear it. Not saying anyone would go talking about it deliberately, like a gossip. But you never know, what if person A speaks about it to person B and person C, who shouldn't know this, ends up hearing and starts spreading it. And then... BOOM!!!! The rumors are all over the internet."

"You can keep denying it until you feel ready. Then you go on holidays with Jonas to a desert island, take a picture and say you two are happily ever after. There hardly will be anyone to stalk you there. Once you get back from holidays, the matter would be gone cold already."

"Just out of curiosity, from which fairy tale you took that idea from?" Erik joked.

"Apparently from a terrible one, I see."Marco replied and they both laughed at that. "But seriously, don't rush the decision to come out. Specially if you're not ready for it. For now just try to enjoy what you have. It's your lives, you do what you want, there's no reason in making it public this soon. It'd only make people stick their noses into your new relationship and neither of you need that. With time you'll learn to handle the situation better and be ready to come out together. Till there you can talk to us, your team mates. For what I know, Mats, Matze, me and Bürki are the ones who knows about you and we're all supportive of you two. And I bet everyone else will respect and support you two as well. We all know you two have the maturity to handle things well. I think they will agree that you can do your jobs without letting personal matters interfere."

"Yes, because like you said, they know us. But the public in general doesn't know us. Not sure how they'd react. They might not understand. To be honest, I'm afraid of coming out. No active players wants to expose their lives, and I don't want Jonas and I to be the first ones to do so. I mean, we can see how more people are accepting such relationships nowadays and believe it'll be okay. But at the same time coming out can end up being a bad choice. I don't know what to expect. I just want to be able to act freely with Jonas. Why does things have to be different just because we're from the same sex? We are capable of love one another just like any other couple. The love we feel for each other isn't any less important just because we're two guys. I don't love him only for what's underneath his clothes but mostly for that precious heart of his, for who he is. I didn't just fall for a man, I fell for the most kind hearted human being I was blessed to get to know. Now, why some people could judge that love, our love as wrong is beyond me."

"Some things we'll never understand, don't even bother wasting time trying to. But like I already said, the decision of coming out takes time, until you both feel ready for it so don't rush it. Meanwhile, I think you and Jonas are aware of it but I'll remind you anyway. Be careful to not get caught in a compromising situation in public. The press loves those situations. They made hell out of my driving license issue. Two team mates dating? They'll make an apocalypse out of their new findings."

"Yeah, we know. We're being careful as always." Erik said and checked his watch. It was getting late. "Marco, I really appreciate your help and support. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to open up about your past with Mario. Thanks for trusting me with that. I promise it'll stay between us."

"No need to thank me. You two are good friends of mine, I just want to see both of you happy. I'll be glad to help whenever you need."

Erik and Marco had never been best friends. Surely, they saw each other almost every day and chatted many times but they rarely saw one another on their days off, they rarely went out together. However, seeing his willingness to help them out made Erik appreciate their friendship more. Before leaving, Erik hugged Marco out of gratitude for what he was trying do to for him and Jonas. He felt sorry that Marco had such messed up relationship and he promised he'd never let his relationship with Jonas go this wrong. Not that he thought it would, after all, their strong friendship always helped them deal with anything they had to.

For the next two days Jonas and Erik didn't get many chances to talk. The preparations for the next match were intense. And outside work they took time to go out, separately, with some non footballers friends of theirs. After all, they couldn't forget their friends just because they were in a relationship.

It was Thursday, it was matchday. They would play Porto, home, for the Europe League. And right after waking up Erik knew he couldn't go through this day without talking to Jonas first and make things right again. There was a small tension between them since what happened in the changing room. And they needed to be fully focused for the match, so they had to kick that tension away.

It was just past 7am when Erik got in his car and drove till Jonas’ place. He still had the spare key from the time they used to share that flat but yet Erik thought it was better to knock on the door. When Jonas opened the door, still rubbing the sleep off of his eyes, his hair all messed, Erik simply couldn't say a word. After some seconds of looking at one another in silence, Erik practically threw himself in Jonas’ arms, hugging him tight. Jonas used this foot to push the door to close it.

Jonas knew Erik wanted to say something so he just waited for it. Erik held him like he was afraid of losing him if he let go of the hug. Jonas wrapped his arms around Erik and felt his boyfriend relax onto his arms.

"I'm sorry, Jonas." Erik whispered near his ear. "I'm so sorry. You gave me the best night of my life and what did I do the next day? I mistreated you. I'm an idiot, I know."

"I was worried about you. The way your mood swung from Sunday to Monday was very strange." Jonas said as he finally managed to get out of Erik's embrace. "Do you have some kind of bipolar disorder? Or are you just starting to have one? Never saw your mood change so fast. Maybe you should see a doctor."

"I don't need a doctor, Jonas. I just couldn't handle well having to bottle up my feelings. That night we shared such overwhelming emotions, feelings, I gave my best to show how much I love you and I received so much love back. And then on the next day I have to bottle up all of that like it never happened. And yet I have to hear you treating me like your best friend, when I'm so much more than that, and having you pushing me away as well just because we have to act like it. I didn't handle it well. I ended up taking my issues out on you. I'm sorry."

"Erik, you're an idiot." Jonas said he held the blonde's face between his hands, caressing his cheeks. "But you're MY dear beloved idiot." Jonas pressed his lips against Erik's surprising him with a fond kiss. "What part of 'we're in this together' you don't understand? I don't think you're an idiot for the way you treated me, but you're an idiot for thinking I don't feel exactly the same way you do. That's why I forgive you, because I know how it feels like, I have to bottle up all I feel for you as well. I hate that too, honey, believe me. Apparently, I can handle it better than you."

"We can't keep pretending forever."

"And we won't, I promise. We'll figure out how we'll do it some day. We can't rush something like that. However, today is not that day. We have a very important match tonight and our focus should be entirely on it."

"You're right. I just needed to apologize. You're too good to me. Some times I wonder if I really deserve you."

"If I say you do, will it make you feel better?" Jonas asked and Erik's reply was shy smile. The brunette continued to talk but kissed Erik in between his words. "We're good, honey... God... I missed... this... so.... so... much. I missed you... so much. Please, whenever I do or say something that bothers you, even if it's something silly, just tell me. Don't make me... stay away from you.. for so long."

"It were only for 2 full days."

"An eternity if you ask me. It was kinda lonely without you. I don't like that at all."

"I'm here now." Erik said as he put his arms around Jonas’ neck. "So, maybe we could just make up for the wasted time."

"We have to be on training ground in one hour."

"Well, I just need ten minutes." Erik winked at Jonas and licked his own uper lip just to tease his boyfriend a bit more.

"Oh God, Erik! Don't do this to me now. You know we can't..."

"Relax, love. As you already said, we have a important match later and I respect that our focus should be in that. However, I don't think it'd be a problem if I could spend these ten minutes kissing such tempting lips that my breathtaking boyfriend has."

Jonas rolled his eyes and smiled as Erik lips captured his. He couldn't get mad at Erik even if he wanted to. But that wasn't even the case. Yes, he had been a little upset by the way Erik was acting on the last days but he knew it was due to Erik not being able to handle his feelings well. Jonas was sure Erik would never do something with the intention of hurting him. He was more than glad that things were okay again. He'd hate if he had to spend another day without Erik's company, or his passionate kisses just like the one they were sharing right at that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are appreciated. They keep me motivated to keep writing this.


	48. All we need is faith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time for BVB to face both matches against Porto.
> 
> The new chapter is finally up. Hope you enjoy it. And let me know you thoughts on it. Feedback is VERY important for an author.

Chapter 48 - All we need is faith

When the team bus parked on Westfalenstadium the players were greeted by a warm atmosphere coming from the fans. It was a cold and rainy night but the fans were all there excited to support their team in such important match. It was the first leg against Porto in the Europe League. They were all aware of the importance of wining the home match and having the score at their favor for the away match. They had trained intensively all week preparing for this match, expecting a tough one and now they were ready for it.

While warming up Erik got a glimpse of his parents on the grandstands. Having them there to support him always gave him extra motivation for the match. He was in the starting XI on the right back position and happy that his parents came to see him play. His sister couldn't make it, having just reached the 5th month of her pregnancy she was being extra careful and rather not to travel relatively long distances, but had called earlier to wish him good luck for the match. For that he was happy but on the other hand he was worried about Jonas. He remembered pretty well the look of disappointment on his boyfriend face when Tuchel announced he'd be starting on the bench. He knew Jonas upside down. In the outside, Jonas would show himself satisfied and ready to help whenever it was needed. But, in the inside, Erik wouldn't be surprised if Jonas started to question himself his place on the team. And in that case, Erik wasn't sure if he wanted to know which conclusion he'd come up with.

Jonas had to watch the team walk on the pitch from the bench, again. He watched as Erik made the cross sign and kissed his tattoo as he stepped on the pitch. It was a religious thing that Erik had the habit to do. As if ask for protection and for everything to go well. Jonas wished to be walking on the pitch along them. But for some reason he was entitled to stay on the bench. Whenever Tuchel gave him a chance he proved he deserved a place in the main team. When he scored the hat-trick against Bayern he thought he'd get more opportunities however that wasn't what happened. For some reason Tuchel didn't think that way. And so there he was on the bench again. Maybe it was a bit selfish of him to complain, after all, every football player wanted to be in the first team. However, being always on the bench surely wasn't helping his career.

Under an unceasing rain the game was started. As expected the first half was leveled up, with both teams have a few chances but nothing dangerous. Both teams played more often around the midfield since they were having trouble breaking through the opponent's defense. So, pretty much nothing happened and the players went back to the changing room for Tuchel to give them instructions for the second half.

If the first half had been a little boring, the second was much better. Not exactly to Borussia, though. At the 50th minute Porto, in a quick play, opened the score. Mats instructed the team to maintain the calm. And they did. After concealing they managed to play better, getting more chances of shooting on goal but Casillas was doing a great match and saving any ball coming his way. Porto had a chance to score the second goal in a counter attack, catching BVB's defense off guard. But lucky not Erik. He noticed what was about to happen and ran back as fast as he could, as if his life depended on it. He couldn't get to the attacking player but as the Portuguese managed to put the ball past Bürki, on a diagonal shoot, Erik threw himself on the ground, stretching his leg the most he could and was able to kick the ball outside when it was almost crossing the goal line. After such effort he came very close to pulling a muscle, he felt a slight sting on his left thigh which he needed a quick medical care off pitch. A quick glance at the bench and he saw Jonas watching over him instead of the match. Erik couldn't help but to smile at that. Once the discomfort was gone he returned to the pitch.

Shortly after coming back from warming up with the others subs, Jonas watched his boyfriend receiving treatment. He was relieved when Erik got back to the match and that everything seemed to be okay. They had just reached the 70th minute when Tuchel put Matze and Castro to play. And around the 80th minute Ramos replaced Auba. Jonas never felt so frustrated before. He had trained the whole week for this match, warmed up before, in the half time and just a couple minutes ago for a chance to play but yet Tuchel kept him on bench. The coach didn't trust him to be helpful. That realization hit him hard. Of course he couldn't know if in the 10 minutes along the additional time we'd manage to do something but he surely would try his best. But not even this chance Tuchel gave him. Jonas started to question what could be possibly wrong. Why Tuchel didn't seem to trust him. He didn't have the answers yet but maybe it was time for him to start making new plans for his career. He felt like pulking when the thought that his future and Borussia's might head different paths. Before the thoughts could get any worse his attention was caught by another Porto chance of scoring.

Like happened before, BVB's defense made some mistakes and this time Erik couldn't save it. Actually, this time Erik failed when he slipped on the wet grass leaving the opponent's player free to shoot at goal. Porto scored their second goal. Erik ketp lying on the grass, cursing at his mistake. Jonas saw it and wanted so much to go there and help him stand up and tell him it'd be okay. But no, he couldn't do it. He was stuck to that fucking bench. He had to watch as Mats did that.

However, when Mats tried to pull Erik up on his feet, the blonde felt another sting on the muscle of his left thigh. Not a mild one this time. When Erik tried to walk again he felt a discomfort and couldn't continue in the match, he had to drop out of the match, leaving the team one man short, as Matze moved to right back. The match should be over in about 7 minutes and Erik hoped things wouldn't get worse with BVB being in disadvantage. In the end, Porto won 2-0. A bad result for the team as they conceaded two away goals. They'd have to play a whole lot better on the next week if they aimed for a chance to turn the score in their favor.

One hour later Erik was home, with his parents. His father was making them sandwiches while Erik was sitting with his mother on the couch with the TV on. The match highlights were being showed but Erik wasn't paying attention. He had his mother's arms around him as he needeed some comfort after that match. She hugged him trying to make him feel better. Erik was feeling guilty for the bad result. His father had just brought them something to eat when they heard a car pulling over the driveway.

"Expecting a visit this late, dear?" His mother asked.

"It's Jonas. He's not a visitor here. I gave him the spare key so he could come around anytime."

"Making plans of moving in together?" His father asked.

"Not yet, it'd be too soon. Actually, I wouldn't mind if we could be already living together but we need some space sometimes so I don't want to rush it."

"Hey, baby, I'm home! Where are you at?" Erik heard his boyfriend ask after hearing the door being closed. For a second Erik felt his cheeks getting deep red out of embarrassment for being a called 'baby' in front of his parents. "Erik? You left so fast I didn't even get a chance to... Oh!" Jonas stopped talking when he saw Erik's parents there, getting slightly embarrassed as well, assuming they heard the fond nickname he used for his boyfriend. "Hello... I'm sorry, I had no idea Erik wasn't alone. I can come back tomorrow."

"Nah, it's okay. Come here, dear." Erik's mom invited him to join them.

"How are you doing, Jonas?" Erik's father asked him.

"I could be better but we can't always win, right?"

"That's what I've been trying to tell my son." Mrs Durm said as she held her son in her arms. "It was just a bad day at the office. Or on the pitch on this case. It happens, there are days where nothing goes as we want but there's no reason to blame someone. But the stubborn here doesn't wanna listen to me. He keeps blaming himself."

"Why would you blame yourself? The whole team didn't play well. Don't you remember? We win together, we lose together." Jonas said as he kneeled near the couch, in front of Erik, reaching out to hold his hands.

"It was awful. I was awful! If it wasn't for me we'd have lost by only one goal. Things wouldn't be looking so bad right now." Erik let Jonas hold his hands, but didn't look at him. He looked at TV just in time to see the replay of his mistake. "God, it was such a ridiculous slip. How embarrassing! It's my fault."

"Are we talking about the same match? Because, for what I saw, if it wasn't for that ball your saved from going past the goal line, it'd have been 3-0 for them and so it'd been even worse, our chances would been reduced to zero in the second leg. Besides, anyone could have slipped, it happens. It was heavily raining, after all. Gonzo slipped as well when Marco tried to pass the ball to him, we lost a good chance there."

"You're saying this to make me feel better. I've made a wrong choice and end up screwing up. It was my fault."

"Wrong choice? What are you talking about?" His father asked before Jonas could ask the same thing.

"I wasn't supposed to be on the pitch by the time we conceaded the second goal. In order to save that ball I pushed my strength to the limit. I overdid it. I felt a sting on the muscle of my left thigh but decided to ignore it. I didn't want to lose the match so I ignored a possible injury and stayed on pitch against better judgment. Deep down I knew I should have asked to be replaced and let Piszczek in. But my ambition took the best of me. I didn't slip only because of the wet grass but because I felt my thigh sting for the second time. So in the end, my wrong decision allowed them to score again, our team had to play one man short for some minutes, and by ignoring the first sting I might have deteriorated my injury. So, yes, I feel guilty and awful."

"If it makes you feel better I agree with you." Jonas said and Erik looked in his eyes for the first time. "Indeed, you took unnecessary risks. But like you said, you don't like loosing. You took wrong decisions with the best intention. But it wasn't wise. We all wanted to win the game but like your mother said, sometimes things don't go as we want. We lost the match, it happens. But you risking an injury just to avoid a defeat? Not wise at all. How bad is it?"

"I will only know tomorrow morning, I'll go through some exams to know the extention of it. Probably it's nothing serious but I'll most likely miss the match against Leverkusen."

"See? If you want to feel guilty about something then it should be for ignoring the injury and letting it get worse. The team needs you and so will do the National team in a few months. You can't afford being reckless now. As to our defeat, you didn't lose alone so stop blaming yourself. No one is doing it so why should you?"

"Jonas is right." Mrs Durm said. "You should listen to him. Like he said, things may have gone wrong but we all know you never stopped trying your best."

"He's biased, mom. He loves me. You'll hardly hear him talking something negative about me even if I deserve it."

"Erik, I do love you, indeed. However, if I need to be harsh on you then I'll be, because I care about you and want the best for you. But that's not the case now. I don't think it was your fault, neither does your parents. So, what about getting over it for your own sake?"

"Alright, will do." Erik said as he got away from his mother embrace for the first time since he got home.

Erik, his parents and Jonas chatted randomly for while. Erik knew they were trying to keep him distracted and he was grateful for that. He watched as Jonas got along perfectly with his parents, he even saw his mother looking proudly at Jonas. While his boyfriend and his father got a little caught up in a conversation about handball, Erik and his mother walked to the kitchen where she got closer to him and whispered.

"You really made a A+ choice for a boyfriend."

"I know." Erik admitted shyly.

"I like him. It's visible that he's also upset about the defeat but the only thing he worried about was you, was making you feel better. He treats you so well, he looks at you as if you were his sun, his eyes shines, the way he caress your hands as he holds them... I seriously doubt someone could be better for you than him. Marry him!"

"Mom! Stop it. Don't scare me this soon." Erik joked. "We just got officially together, there's a long road ahead of us. And possible complications as well so for now we just are enjoying what we have. I don't want to make plans for the future. We're just living the moment and we'll see how far it'll take us."

"So, now it's official. Good to hear it. Does his parents know?"

"Yeah, we told them. They weren't exactly happy. It's a long story but in a few words, they absolutely love Jonas’ ex girlfriend and always believed and hoped they could get back together. Then, they not only got to know that Jonas was dating someone else but also that it isn't even a woman. They were a bit shocked and didn't take it well. After some days, Jonas talked to them and they gave us a chance. However, I guess I might never be the person they'd like to see their son with."

"But Jonas wants you to be with him. That's what should matter. With time, who knows, they'll eventually warm up to you when they see you have the best intentions when it comes to their son. It should happen naturally, if they are still starting to accept it don't try to force your relationship on then, just let them get used to you two being together. It takes time so take it slow."

Before Erik could say something to that his father walked in there. It was time for him and his wife go back to their hotel room to get some rest before driving home by the morning. Erik and Jonas walked with them to their car. Before getting in the car Erik's mother hugged Jonas, which left the brunette a bit surprised.

"Knowing my son, he'll keep dwelling on this guilt feeling of his. Just, take care of him, please." Mrs Durm asked while hugging him.

"I will. Always." Jonas reassured her before they moved apart.

Jonas and Erik waved at them and watched as they left. The boys went back to the house and got everything settled to sleep. They had had a tiresome day and needed a good rest. Jonas lied down first as Erik switched off the light and then lied down beside his boyfriend. A few minutes later and Erik was still quiet and that wasn't normal.

"You're still bothered, aren't you, sweetheart?" Jonas asked when he couldn't bear with that silence.

"Yeah. I mean, okay, maybe it wasn't entirely my fault but that doesn't make me feel better. We have a better shot at the Europe League, or at least we had, and my awful decision may have cost that. We all want to win this competition and I screwed up our chances."

"You talk as if we were defeated by 5-0. Loosing sucks but it wasn't all that bad. Yes, it's complicated and it'll be a tough mission but it's not impossible. I believe our team is fully capable of turning this around if we do our absolute best and be careful to avoid mistakes. Things might not look good for us now but our chances aren't over yet. We just need to have some faith. You being the most religious one between us should know better. We should never give up faith while we still stand a chance."

"I know, I'm just feeling bad and I can't help it."

"Everybody has a bad match. So what? What good will it do to you to keep dwelling on it? None. Get over it and focus in taking care of your injury. We'll need you to be with us in Portugal."

"I'll be alright, I promise."

"Will it make you feel better if I hug you?"

"Much better, love." Erik replied and Jonas invited him to get closer. The blonde moved closer, resting his head on his boyfriend's chest. Jonas wrapped his arms around Erik's back and kissed the top of Erik's head.

"Sleep well, honey. Tomorrow will be a better day."

"You too, love." Erik gave a quick kiss on Jonas’ chest and let himself fall sleep as the brunette rubbed his back.

Erik had been right. His injury wasn't serious but he got closer to pull a muscle so Tuchel decided to rest him and he didn't travel with the team to Leverkusen. So he went to watch the match with friends. When he saw the line up for the match and that Jonas was starting, he felt bad for not being there, for not being able to play along his boyfriend. They always had a great time creating something, it'd be nice to create a goal together again. It has been a while. Actually, it has been a while as well since the last time they got to play more then 30 minutes together in a single match. Tuchel had been keeping Jonas on the bench lately, wasting his talent and Erik knew, even if Jonas had never said a word, that this situation was making him feel unsatisfied. And that wasn't good.

Jonas was happy for finally being allowed to be on the starting XI after a while. However, something felt incomplete without having Erik around. Not that he depended on his boyfriend to perform better on the pitch but it was always better whenever they could play together, which unfortunately wasn't happening often lately. The team had a great first half, scoring twice. Jonas gave an assist for Kagawa to open the score and near the halftime Castro scored again. The second half went by totally different from their expectations. Leverkusen didn't give up and did their best to get back into the game. And they were successful. Chicharito managed to score around the 63th minute and the home team started to press BVB into making a mistake. Tuchel noticed it was becoming a dangerous situation and took Jonas off and put Matze in to improve the defense. But in the end they ended up concealing the draw. Final score: 2-2. They only got 1 point while Bayern won their match and now were leading by 5 points.

It was almost 8pm when Jonas arrived at Erik's place after the bus trip back from Leverkusen. He wasn't happy with the match result but right now it was time to leave it behind. He just wanted to get home, rest and to be with his boyfriend again. However, when he arrived Erik wasn't back yet. He had said he'd be out with friends when he wished him luck for the match. Erik would probably be back soon so he decided to make something for dinner. He didn't know whether Erik had eaten already but he himself was hungry. He started to cook pasta along some tomato sauce. A simple choice but that would do since he was too tired to think of something else. Jonas was almost finishing cooking when he heard Erik walking into the house. The blonde headed straight to where he was.

"Hey, what is smelling so good?" Erik asked and Jonas turned around to see his boyfriend, who was still holding some shopping bags.

" I made spaghetti for us. Not sure if you already had dinner but I'm really hungry."

"I'll join you. I haven't eaten yet but even if I had I would have dinner again because I love your food. Wouldn't waste the chance of eating anything you cook."

"If you think that praising my cooking skills will earn you a kiss then you're absolutely right." Jonas joked. He stood on his tiptoe to greet his boyfriend with a tender kiss.

"I missed you."

"Missed you too, honey. It was a bit odd not having you with the squad."

"Yeah, I'd rather be there. That was a good match, even though I don't like when we don't get the win, the draw was fair for both teams. And you gave a very good assist. You did well."

"Thanks. So... I see you went shopping... In a baby store?" Jonas asked when he noticed the bags' logo."

"My sister called to give me the news: she's having a girl. I was so thrilled to hear it. Some minutes later I walked past a baby store and I just couldn't help it. Well, I might have gotten a bit excited."

"You don't say. You do know it's for your niece, right? Because, for someone who doesn't know you, these five baby store bags makes it look like as if it were for your own baby."

"I'll spoil my niece as much as I can. Even if Lisa and my brother-in-law might get mad at me. I don't care. I mean, chances are very high that I won't have my own kids so I'll love my niece just as much." Erik gave him a small smile, a sad one that made Jonas feel down. "Anyway, I'll leave these bags on the spare room, I'll be right back." Before going upstairs Erik stole another kiss.

Jonas knew Erik was very excited about becoming an uncle. However, hearing that Erik was somehow reaching the acceptance stage that he wouldn't have his own kids made Jonas feel bad. Jonas knew how Erik was good with kids, and the many times Erik had mentioned he wanted to have them, before his loan to Mainz when they were just best friends. Knowing how it was a big dream for him made Jonas wonder what right did he have to take that away from him? It was his dream as well, and to be honest he himself wasn't sure if he was willing to give up his dreams, even loving Erik as much as he did.

On Wednesday morning the team traveled to Portugal to face Porto on the second leg of Europe League. On the two previous days the team trained intensively for the match because they knew they couldn't afford to make mistakes. If they still wanted to have any chance to make it through the next round, everything would have to go on perfectly.

Usually Jonas would share a room with Castro but this time the older one stayed back in Dortmund after catching a flu. This time he'd share it with Erik. Well, that wouldn't be a problem, for obvious reasons. At least that's what he thought. He figured too soon that it wouldn't be that simple when he went to their shared room and found Erik, still wearing his suit, in there. The blonde was taking his BVB's pants and shirt out of his suitcase but smiled at him when he got in. After closing the door, he stood still just watching his boyfriend. Erik noticed his silence.

"Why are you looking at me like that? It kinda feels like an animal watching over its prey."

"I'd say it's a wild comparison but it fits. You look so damn hot all suited up like that and I really want you right now." Jonas said, walking closer to his boyfriend. Erik noticed the brunette's eyes wander full of lust from his lips to downwards his body and back.

"Tell me again why it was a good idea us sharing a room? If you keep looking at me like that I can't be held responsible for my actions."

"Why don't you dress like that to me when we're home? You're extra handsome and all but I'd love to take off your clothes, piece by piece."

"Well, we have some minutes before heading downstairs for lunch. And I do have to take off my suit, just like you do as well, maybe a little help wouldn't hurt."

Erik's naughty smile made Jonas lose the little sanity he still had left. The brunette pulled him against the wall, going for a rough and needy kiss. Erik felt Jonas hands taking his jacket suit off, then losing up his tie's knot without taking it off. Jonas unbuttoned his shirt, leaving it open, without breaking the kiss. Jonas played with his fingers, letting it wander a few times from his boyfriend chest to his abs. Jonas' touches felt really good but Erik had to take deep breathes as he tried not to lose control. It didn't help when Jonas opened his belt and let his finger wander lower into his trouser. Erik, kinda against his own will, had to push his boyfriend away.

"I love you, Jonas, I really do. But I also love my job and I surely want to still have it by tomorrow. Just as much as you do too."

"I'm not doing anything crazy, don't worry. I just like teasing you. Even though, it's a bit of a turn on to be doing something while knowing you shouldn't be. Don't you think?"

"It might be. But being caught would be a bigger turn off. So, lets keep focused and behave. We can do that. We can wait till we get back home."

"Can you? Funny, you don't look so sure of it." Jonas stole one last kiss before heading into the bathroom. "I don't blame you. I'm irresistible, I know." He grinned and winked at Erik before getting out of his eyesight.

The time had finally come. Erik was in the starting XI that had a very though mission ahead of them. However, they were pretty much prepared for that. They knew they would have to take some risks but ut was necessary. They would have to pkay mostly offensively if they still wanted to have chances of scoring and at least, who knows, take it to the penalties. That was risky because it could leave their defense exposed but they knew they'd have to try something different and avoid mistakes at all costs.

Erik was along his team mates, waiting to walk onto the pitch in a few minutes. Their substitutes walked past wishing them luck. Jonas greeted all of them, when Erik was the next he hugged his boyfriend and whispered a single word near his ear: 'Faith'. After the hug, Erik looked deep into his blue eyes and nodded. He remembered the talk they had had a few days before, about holding on to faith no matter what happened. Erik knew their task was a hard one but he never stopped believing that anything was possible, he never gave up hope while they still had chances.

The team was on the pitch and before the referee's whistle Mats called everyone over and the players gathered in a circle for one last encouragement speech from the captain.

"Guys, do you see all those fans of ours that came all the way here to support us? We played badly last week and yet they're here tonight. Because they believe in us. We should win this match for them, for each one of them who never gave up supporting us, mainly on those difficult times we had. They never stopped believing we are capable of reaching our objectives. And do you know for whom else we must win today? For ourselves. Yes, for us. Last season was awful but we managed to turn things around before it was too late. This season, for all the hard work each one of us has been doing, we more than deserve to be rewarded for that. It's more than about time for us to fight for a championship and come out as winners. So, I want to see each one of you giving your all in this match. I know we all can do it. When this match ends I don't want to have to explain uncountable times why we failed winning a title another time and I'm sure none of you wants that either. So, can I count on you to do whatever it takes for the win? Because I definitely will."

All the players agreed on it and greeted one another before heading to their respective positions. BVB took control of the match since the first minutes, not allowing Porto to have ball possession for long. Once or twice the portuguese team tried to shoot at goal but Bürki was there determined not to let anything but his own bubble gum go past him. By the 24th minute of the game, BVB started to press the opponent, trying to get into the box but Porto's defense were giving them a hard time trying to overcome them. And whenever they did it Casillas was there to save it.

It was starting to look like the first half would end up in a draw. And for a team who was needing to score at least twice that wasn't good. Not good at all. In a tough match like that it seemed like they'd need more than 45 minutes to break into their defense. It felt like their time was starting to run out. Going to halftime still without any goal wouldn't help them.

Around the 42nd minute BVB concerned a corner for Porto, a silly one. Sometimes, when pressed, the team's defense would get clumsy, so out of weird try to kick the ball way, it ended up in a corner for the home team. And BVB usually got in dangerous situations on set pieces. Lucky this time the Porto's player took an awful corner and the ball ended up on Erik's control. He saw Marco running forward at full speed and made the pass as quickly as he could. They had their best chance to score through a counter attack. Marco was faster than the defensor and let him behind. The ginger saw Auba running just as fast on his right and passed the ball to him. Auba ran towards the goal but Casillas was in his direction trying to block his shot. Auba gave it back to Marco who, practically, had an empty goal ahead of him.

A player like Marco would never lose a chance like that. And indeed, he didn't. He scored and the whole team celebrated with him. Having started the play that ended in a goal made Erik feel like redeeming himself for the awful match he had played in Dortmund. It was a beginning, at least. He knew he had to do much more for the team to make up for that and he'd do anything to help.

The second half started and nothing much changed, BVB still had the control of the match. After trying many times, it seemed like matter of time for them to score the second. However, around the 55th minute they had an unexpected setback. Mikki took a knock to his right knee and couldn't continue on the match. Tuchel would have to change his plans. Erik was near the coach, waiting to be allowed to take the throw in, while Mikki was carried off of the pitch. Erik watched as Tuchel looked at him and then looked at the bench, calling for Jonas, who stood up and joined the trainer and him on the sideline.

"Jonas, I'll put you in on Mikki's place. Tell Marco to move to the left side. I want you and Erik working on the right side taking care of the creativity on that sector, okay?"

"Will do." Jonas replied. Erik gave him a high five before the brunette walked back to the bench to get ready to come in.

Jonas didn't have many hopes to takr part of that match. It was one where they had to win and he wasn't sure if Tuchel thought he could help with that. At least on the home match the trainer didn't trust him. So Jonas wouldn't be surprised if Tuchel kept him on the bench again. However, it boosted his confidence to see that Tuchel actually believed he was capable of helping the team and put him in to play.

It took a few minutes but Borussia started to use the right side more often. Castro, Jonas and Erik exchanged more passes in order to create plays. Some of Porto's players started to get a bit nervous for not being able to have the ball control. One of their midfielders hit Weigl on the face with the elbow when battling for the ball, giving the younger a cut on his left eyebrow, making it bleed. The BVB players ran to the referee expecting the Portuguese player to be sent off but he only got booked with an yellow to their protest.

While Julian was being given stitches, they had to play with one man short. But this time things went different. Around the 75th minute BVB had a corner on their favor. Marco took it and Hummels, with a header, scored the second goal. Everyone celebrated it with him, even Bürki crossed the whole pitch to join them. Ok, now they were at least taking it to extra time. But if they tried a little harder maybe they could score again and win the match on its 90 minutes. If they had scored twice already, they knew they could go for the third goal. However, it was a dangerous situation. If they conceaded a single goal then all their efforts would be wasted.

The team was getting used to the idea of going to extra time since Porto was doing everything to keep them outside their box. When they were already in the additional time, Porto had one last chance to knock Borussia out of the competition. The attacker tried to go past Hummels but the central back went for a challenge to take the ball away. He did it but as the player went down the referee called it a penalty. Mats went almost insane with the, in their opinion, wrong call. Not only him but the whole team, Tuchel and everyone in the bench as well.

The referee stood by his call and Porto had a penalty to take. Erik ran his finger through his hair in frustration. They had fought so hard up to that point to see their hard work to be thrown down the tube so unfairly like that. Jonas stood beside Erik and noticed right away the blonde's cold stare towards the player who would take the penalty. Jonas couldn't remember having ever seen Erik being or acting so cold before. Something was not normal.

"Erik, are you okay?"

"I don't know what's gonna happen, if Bürki is gonna save it, if the ball will hit the post or if it will go out. But if there's something I'm sure of is that we won't lose like that."

Erik had replied without looking at him. Jonas didn't know how Erik could look so sure of it. But as long as they had chances, he wouldn't give up believing either. Even if everything could be about to go wrong in a matter of seconds.

Jonas reached for Erik's arm. He barely realized he was holding onto his boyfriend due to the high level of anxiety he felt as the Porto player ran towards the ball. Erik felt Jonas tighten the grip on his arm while praying for the best as he watched the ball...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'll end it there... This chapter is too big already. :)
> 
> So.... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very much appreciated. It's what keeps me writing.


	49. "No one is here to sleep"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so the match against Porto unfolds.....
> 
> New chapter updated. Finished this one in time to update today. A small warning: it gets a little explicit but not too much this time.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it. Let me know your thoughts on it, I love reading them.

Chapter 49 - No one is here to sleep

It took a few seconds for Erik to make sense of what was going on. He was brought back to reality when he felt Jonas pulling him by his arm, running towards Bürki to hug him, along everyone else. That's when he remembered that the goalkeeper had made the save. Erik felt a huge relief when he realized it wasn't over yet, they still had a chance to be the winners that night. They soon walked back to their positions, Jonas stopped by Erik's side to, quickly, ask something.

"How could you know the ball wouldn't go in?"

'Faith. I believe in what is fair. And for me, that penalty was far from being fair. I risked an injury, staying out for months for nothing? To have our team being knocked out in such unfair way? No way! We all deserve better... I don't know, I just felt like our chances weren't over yet."

One minute later the final whistle was blown. 90 minutes were gone and BVB managed to reach the first objective that was scoring at least two goals. Now they'd have 30 more minutes and they wanted to score at least once to avoid penalties. They'd have to do that while fighting an increasing fatigue. However, they came prepared for that.

Pretty much nothing happened through the first 15 minutes of extra time. Both teams were quite cautious, knowing that a wrong attempt to score could allow the opponent to counter attack, taking their chance and score. Then they had a little break before second part of extra time. The players reunited in a circle again as Tuchel gave them the last intrutions. They would give their all to score the goal they needed. They knew they could do it. Now, it was all or nothing.

BVB started the second half of extra time attacking right away. Porto defense had been doing a good match up to now but they started to make small mistakes and show signs of fatigue, slowing down their rithym and the BVB players took notice of that. Around the 120th minute Schmelle tried to take the ball forward but he knew he could get intercepted so he made pass to the middle, to Ginter. The younger caught a glimpse of Erik running down the right flank leaving the opponent behind, and made the pass, putting the ball ahead of Erik. The blonde wanted to make the cross but knew he'd be blocked. He then saw Jonas getting into the box and made the pass. Jonas somehow found Auba unmarked and gave him the assist. Auba shot straight at the goal. There was nothing Casillas could've done to save it.

The whole team celebrated the goal together again. Jonas were also greeted by his assist. Before going back to their positions, Erik hugged Jonas, congratulating him as well. The third goal not only ended the penalty possibility but put BVB closer to the next round. Porto would have to score twice in order to win the spot but there wasn't much time left.

There were only a few minutes before the end of the match and it was visible that the Porto's players were hopeless. And in that Erik saw a good chance. He could start a quick play, which the best shot would probably be to pass the ball to Gündogan who would find a easier way to reach Marco. However, Erik knew that it would increase Jonas’ confidence if he could score. Erik decided to ignore the easiest way. He saw Jonas running forward and had a clear idea of the position his boyfriend was heading to. Without barely looking forward he made a long air cross toward Jonas. The brunette had to mislead the defensor to get to the ball. He was almost face to face with Casillas when he noticed another player about to tackle the ball away. He had to shot any way he could before it was too late. In the rush he ended applying more power and more height to his shot than he intended to. The ball hit the crossbar and bounced into the goal.

Jonas first reaction was to run, jump and punch the air, the gesture he used to do whenever he scored. He then saw his team mates running to him but he ran towards Erik, jumping into his arms. His boyfriend held him tight but they couldn't say anything once their team mates caught up to them to celebrated. Jonas, felt hands almost all over him. He was patted on the shoulder, on the back, had his hair messed up. But he didn't care. He had scored in such important match and had been assisted by his beloved one. That moment felt quite special. After everyone had greeted Jonas, Erik stayed behind to hug him again. Jonas felt Erik pressing his lips to his neck for a few seconds. Little did they know that it was long enough for many pictures to be taken.

When the referee blew the final whistle all players, the subs, staff members and even Tuchel ran to celebrate together. Everyone were super enthusiastic with the win they conquered. It wasn't the final yet but it felt like one. All the expectations since losing at home , preparing for the away match, all of it had been tough. However, when the team wanted something they'd fight till the end. And that's what they did. Each one of them gave their best and as a team they won it.

After some celebrating things started to get calm. It was only them when Erik realized how exhausted he was, how his left thigh was bothering him again and how heavy his legs were. Needing a break from all the excitement, he simply lied down on the pitch, looking up to the sky as he took some deep breathes.

Jonas had been interacting with some fans along Bürki, Castro and Matze. He got distracted for a while but soon noticed Erik wasn't anywhere near them. He looked around but the players were scattered throughout the pitch. But his eyes caught a sight of someone lying on the grass near the midfield and somehow he just knew it was Erik. He excused himself and ran towards his boyfriend. At first he kneeled beside him but when Erik noticed that he was there, the blonde pulled him down for a hug, making Jonas lay on top of him. Forgetting for a moment where they were. Not caring that they were being watched because, before anything else, they were just two best friends, two team mates celebrating together.

"We did it, Hoffi! We did it!!!"

"Hell yeah!!! We did it! I told you we could do it, we just needed to believe in ourselves, that nothing was impossible as long as we had a chance, as long as we remained faithful."

"You were right, as usual. Thank you for never letting me stop believing we could do it. You're simply wonderful."

"Erik, deep down you never stopped." Jonas said as he moved back so he could look in his eyes. "You just needed some encouraging words, some cheer up. I just gave a little help. And you're just as wonderful. We both know I wasn't the best shot for our last goal and yet you insisted in helping me. Thank you."

"I just thought you needed that goal. That it'd be important to you. Yeah, it wasn't the best decision I could've taken match wise, again, but being able to see you smiling bright like how you're doing right now, makes it worth it. I can only imagine how being kept on the bench is beginning to take its tool on you, so I ignored everything else only to assist you and make you happy again."

"And you did, like you do every day. To see how you look out for me, for my happiness, only makes me admire you more. I feel like falling in love over and over again and I can't never get enough of it..." Before Jonas could say or do something they heard someone clear his throat near them.

"Sorry to ruin your moment but I just wanted to remind you two to be careful. Otherwise your secret won't last much longer." Matze said and offered his hand for Jonas, to help him stand up. "They're expecting you for some interviews down the press zone." The younger told Jonas and the brunette left. When Erik got up, he and Matze headed to the changing room. "What a match, don't you think?"

"One of the best we had so far." Erik replied. "Everyone was very determined to fight till the last second. Our team played outstandingly tonight. I'm quite proud of all of us."

"Me too. The next round won't be any easier but this team, united the way we are, we can archive something really good."

"Don't make me think about the next round just yet. I feel like we just won a battle. The only thing I want to think about now is to celebrate it. Is there some party planed or something?"

"I don't know. But I'm sure Auba and Marco will come up with something."

It was already past 10pm when the team bus stopped in front of their hotel. The players headed to have dinner, everyone still in fully excitement and joy for the win. They celebrated together for some time but eventually they started to go back to their rooms to rest. Erik stayed downstairs a little longer caught up in a conversation with Bürki, Julian, Neven and Mats. Jonas had already left ten minutes earlier and Erik couldn't wait to join him.

Meanwhile, Jonas was in the bathroom of their shared room, getting ready to sleep. He took off his clothes except for his boxers, since he liked sleeping wearing only that, it felt more comfortable and the weather wasn't that cold. Jonas stood before the mirror, looking at his own reflection while distracted by the memories of the match, and the feeling of scoring again. He was brought back from his distraction when Erik walked in the bathroom, stopping right behind him.

"Alone at last." Erik spoke as he gave small kisses on his shoulder.

"About time." Jonas replied as Erik hugged him feom behind.

"Im so happy we could create a goal together again. I think we deserve to have our own celebration. It's a good thing you're almost naked already. It'll save me time."

"Whatever happened to the 'we should behave and wait to get home' talk?" Jonas asked as he looked into Erik's eyes through the mirror.

"You know what?" The blonde approached his lips near Jonas’ ear and whispered slowly the next two words. "Fuck that. That was before the match, when our attention should be only on it. Now, we did our job, outstandingly, we won a tough match and so, I suppose, we have the right to celebrate in our own way."

"Maybe we could. What are you thinking about?"

"There are so many things I'd love to do to you. It's a little hard to pick one. Do you wanna hear one suggestion?"

"Say it."

"I could just bend you over the sink and take you from behind. To pound jnto your sweet spot till your legs get weak, till you can't take it any more and cry my name as you come." Erik whispered softly against his ear, making his boyfriend groan.

"Oh my... Erik! This sounds incredibly hot!"

"I know. Just the thought of doing this to you is already turning me on. But..."

"There's always a 'but', isn't it? You give a hell of a suggestion but I bet it comes with the reminder that we can't do it here. Right?"

"I might lose some of my sanity when I'm with you but not all of it, thankfully. I'd love to take you here, however, this is not the right place to take it all the way. Besides, I have taken you many times already. I'm still waiting for my first time with you. For you to take me for the first time. Don't think I forgot about it."

"About that..." Jonas said hesitantly as he got out of Erik's embrace to face him. "I've given it some thoughts and to be honest I'm very nervous about doing that."

"Why?"

"What if I end up hurting you? Of course, I'd be very carefull but still could happen... Sex is good, it feels great when you take me. But a first time is not always good. What if your first time feels unpleasant? What if the first impression you get of it doesn't live up to your expectations? I'd hate to give you a bad experience knowing how good it's and that I weren't able to make it good for you. I don't want to disappoint your..." Jonas was interrupted when Erik shut him up with a kiss. And continued by giving him quick kisses between his next words.

"You... worry... too much, Jonas. Which is... good and... adorable....but a little annoying. It's okay to have fears and doubts. But how will we figure this out if we never give it a try? Look, my first time, which obviously was with a woman, was a bit clumsy. I was nervous and anxious. But it gets better with practice, when you get used to it. So, when it comes to my first time bottoming for a man, I don't expect much. It'll get better with time as I get used to it. And yes, it could happen that I might not like it, so what? That won't change anything about what I feel for you, I won't love you any less because of it." Erik then joked. "Well, it'd only mean that you'll bottom for me for the rest of... for as long as we're together."

"Which wouldn't be a problem at all. You definitely won't see me complaining about it. But seriously, are you sure you want to try it?"

"Absolutely sure. I want you, love. I want you so damn much." Erik reached for Jonas' hand, intertwining their fingers. "It feels great taking you, but better than that is seeing how at easy you get while giving yourself to me, how much you trust me whenever you let me explore your body as I make you feel my love for you. And I just want you to know that I trust you the same way. I don't want to put you under pressure or rush you. I can wait until we both feel ready for it but I definitely want you to take me. It doesn't have to be perfect so don't worry about it. I know you'll take good care of me, and that's all that matters to me."

"Ok. We'll give it a try. I promise."

"Just don't worry too much about it till then, okay? I'm not sure how long it'll take for me to feel comfortable with it, maybe it will be right on our first try or maybe it'll take more times, I don't know. But I do want to try. I'm sure putting these attempts into practice won't be a problem."

"Not at all." Jonas smiled and kissed his boyfriend. "C'mon let's go sleep." He started to walk away but Erik grabbed his arm, not letting him go far."

"Sleep? No one is here to sleep. Whatever happened to having our own celebration?"

"I thought you said you didn't want to go all the way."

"My boyfriend scored a goal and I think he deserves to be rewarded for that." Erik said as he gently pushed Jonas out of the bathroom, stopping near the bed. He dared to grab Jonas' crotch, rubbing it a few times making Jonas bite his own lip at the feeling of being touched. "And it happens that I'm also in the mood to pleasure him. We're not going all the way but that doesn't mean we can't have a little fun."

"Someone could catch us or hear us."

"The door is locked and it's past midnight already. By now everyone must be too tired to mind anyone else's business. Just keep it quiet and that won't be a problem. " This time Erik slipped his hand inside his boyfriend's boxers wrapping it around his cock. "You more than deserve some special attention and I really want to give you that." Erik made a pause to kiss him while caressing the tip of his cock with his thumb. "So, what do you say?"

"That you're crazy."

"You don't want me to get you off?"

"I do, hell yeah, I do! "

"You want me to stop?"

"No, I don't."

"Tell me to stop!" Erik teased him by tightening the grip around his cock

"I FUCKING can't!"

"Good to know, love"

Erik pushed Jonas to sit on the edge of the single bed, stripped to his boxers as well and sat on his boyfriend's lap, facing him. Jonas didn't waste time and kissed him. Erik ran his fingers through the brunette's hair, pulling at it gently as he felt more caught up in their kiss while Jonas deepened it. Erik felt Jonas' hands on his back and then wander lower. He started to roll his hips slowly enjoying the friction against Jonas’ crotch.

Jonas nibbled at Erik's bottom lip as he appreciated his boyfriend's moves. He let his hands over the blonde's butt and since he didn't seem bothered by it, Jonas started kneading his ass. Erik let out a whimper as he dropped his head back. Jonas didn't waste the chance and used his mouth to explore the skin of his throat. The small stimulation was enough to make Erik rub his ass against Jonas’ crotch faster. With that Jonas felt his own cock throbbing as it started to harden.

They enjoyed that for some time until Erik pushed Jonas back, making him lay on the bed. Erik held Jonas' arms above his head as he leaned down to kiss him. He would break the kiss some times only to make Jonas seek for more and the brunette never failed to do that. As they played with their tongues Jonas got his arms free and his hands reached the sides of Erik's boxers, trying to take it off, which they struggled a bit to do since none of them were willing to let their lips get apart more than a few inches away so they could take it off easily.

Once they needed to catch their breathes, Erik made a trail of kisses downwards his body. He went each time lower, eventually reaching Jonas’ bulge. He kissed it through the fabric of his boxers making Jonas let out soft moans with each touch of his lips. The brunette intertwined his fingers behind his head leaving his body fully exposed for Erik to do whatever he wanted to while he'd watch and enjoy the touches, kisses and what else he'd do. Jonas lift his hips and Erik undressed his boxers, throwing it away.

Erik kissed him again to distract Jonas while he started to stroke his half hard shaft with slow but firm touches. Erik could feel him harden under his hand and increased the rhythm of his strokes, making Jonas moan against his lips. Jonas enjoyed to the most having his boyfriend's hand around him, he relaxed and closed his eyes to appreciate better how it felt. He knew he wouldn't last long so he didn't even tried to hold back.

Some strokes later and he was fully erected and leaking, on the edge of coming when Erik stopped with the strokes. Jonas opened his eyes in time to see his boyfriend lowering his head and kiss the tip of his cock. And soon Erik was running his tongue over his slit. The way it felt extraordinary good and the view of Erik's gorgeous lips around the head of his cock were too much for him. Jonas didn't know if Erik intended to take him futher in his mouth but he knew he wouldn't stand to wait. Erik was very skilled with his tongue and that took Jonas to the edge.

"Fuck! I'm coming..." It was the only thing Jonas could say but Erik was thankful for the warning. He got back to using his hand and with quick strokes he got Jonas to release his white fluid over his fingers. When he was done, Erik kissed him again.

"That was... quick." Erik said. "I was expecting to try something new, something I have never done before."

"Sorry for spoiling your expectations. I just can't help but having this feeling that we're being unprofessional. We can't afford to take much time on it."

"I understand. I know we shouldn't do this while traveling with the team but tonight, after so much dedication and hard work we put into wining that match, we deserved a little fun. And I felt like pleasing my boyfriend, is it a bad thing?"

"Not at all. Actually, I feel like giving it back to you." Jonas said and reached betwen their bodies to wrap his hand on Erik's cock but the blonde took it away.

"No, tonight it was about me rewarding you for you goal, you deserved the special care, not me."

"Goal in which you assisted me. And I'm not a selfish person, so I'd love to share this celebration with you."

"Another time, who knows. For now we should get cleaned, dressed and go sleep."

Later, when Erik was almost falling sleep he felt the matress of the single bed he was lying on move as Jonas tried to get himself some space there, pushing Erik slightly to the side so he could fit in. Erik opened his eyes but before he could ask anything, Jonss kissed him. He was a bit surprised at sudden act but kissed him back.

"I don't remember signing up for having a needy boyfriend." Erik joked.

"And I don't remember signing up for a boyfriend that would get me addicted to him."

"What do you want?"

"You." Jonas stole another gentle kiss. "Weren't you who said that no one is here to sleep? Well, I'm not either." He kissed his boyfriend again and they made out for some more time until they couldn't fight their sleep any longer.

"If we keep going like this we'll show up for breakfast tomorrow looking like hell."

"It'll have been worthy it, sweetheart." Jonas said making Erik smile. They finally let themselves fall asleep and get some rest after such eventful night, sharing that single bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very much appreciated. It keeps me inspired and motivated to write this. I hope you're enjoying their happy days (that's all I'm saying for now).


	50. "A bittersweet defeat"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erik and Jonas disagree on something, make plans and it's time for BVB vs Bayern.
> 
> Chapter 50, wow!!! For who originally planed this to be a 10 chapter story, this is going beyond any expectations. But your feedback and support have been amazing and this is what keeps me going. It's taking me longer to update lately, but I'm still going on with it.
> 
> And then Erik scored midweek against Darmstadt (YAY!!) and of course I couldn't let that out so I had to change and add a few things.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think of it.

Chapter 50 - A bittersweet defeat

On Friday, after traveling back home, the players were given the day off. They had had an exhaustive match on the previous night that it was for the best to let them rest. On the middle of the afternoon Erik was home, watching television while checking on news, statistics and pictures from the match. There were many pictures of him and Jonas as well. Erik liked them and had a good laugh reading the fans' comments through many posts. Many of them were about their friendship but he saw that those pictures also arouse some suspicions on their behavior. And he realized that it didn't bother him, that he didn't mind people starting to realize what was going on between them.

Erik picked a picture of them celebrating Jonas’ goal and posted it along a short description to celebrate the win. As soon as he did it he started getting many comments right away. And once again people were being nice about the picture. He was reading some of them as Jonas arrived there carrying a suitcase with him.

"Hey, love!" Erik greeted his boyfriend with a kiss. "Are you traveling somewhere...?"

"Not, really. I brought some of my clothes and personal stuff to let them here. I thought you said I could..."

"Of course you can. Remember, I want you to be comfortable to the most here. So bring whatever you need, whenever you want."

"Are you sure? One day you might wake up and stumble on my shoes, or wear one of my shirts by mistake, or dislike how my deodorant smells, or maybe I'll pull the blanket all over me and leave you without it on a cold night." Jonas said as he sat beside Erik on the couch.

"Then in this case I'd lie closer to you and use your body to keep me warm. Not a bad idea, right? But to be honest, I'm looking forward to that kind of situations couples experience. I never had a serious relationship to the point of sharing a place together. Giving our job, it takes me a while to trust people, to be sure they want to be with me for who I am and not for what I do. The relationships I had never lasted long enough to that point. With you things has been going fast but the trust we've built over in about four years of friendship allows that. We're together for almost two months and I already got this house for us to share. Now I look forward to us spending time here, I love whenever you come over but it's hard when you have to go back to your apartment."

"If you want me to stay, you can always try inviting me to move in, you know?"

"Would you say yes?"

"No." His answer surprised Erik but before the blonde could say anything, Jonas got closer and kissed him. "Believe me, I'd love to spend every minute with you but at this moment, we'd be rushing things. You said it yourself. Maybe if you invite me again some months from now my answer could be different. But don't worry, till then I'll enjoy spending the nights here. And you can always spend the night at my place as well, you know that already. I need to give you my spare key but I always end up forgetting about it."

"You don't have to, I still have the one you gave me years ago."

"You kept it?"

"You never asked for it back so I just kept it in case it might have been needed, you never know."

"So, it seems like you're aware of all the pictures they took of us last night." Jonas said pointing out to Erik's laptop screen that had one of their pictures open.

"Yes, I just posted one of them to celebrate the win. It was hard to pick one, I really liked them all. We should put one of them on our photo album. I say we pick this one of us lying on the pitch... What is it?" Erik asked when he noticed Jonas’ concerned look. "You don't look happy about it."

"The photos are nice indeed but I can't help but to think it's getting obvious. It's just matter of time until people start to suspect something is going on, if they haven't yet."

"And why would that be a bad thing?"

"Because we're not ready for that. At least, I'm not ready to have my personal life exposed. To have people speculating whether we're friends or more than that, obsessing over our lives instead of just keeping up with our careers. But I suppose these pictures are already rising speculations. Look at these comments. 'Durmann were on fire last night'.  
And then all these hearts following it. They're suspecting it already."

"Or maybe they are just saying we did a good job yesterday and they liked it."

"Don't be naive, Erik."

"Don't overreact, Jonas. These are just pictures, there's nothing on them that gives us away. It looks like two team mates and friends overjoyed, celebrating a win. It's not like we were caught kissing or making out. You're making a big deal out of it."

"No, I'm not. There are many ways of conveying love other than kisses. Those pictures show it all. We got carried away, forgot where we were and now people will start making assumptions."

"I told you we can't keep pretending forever. Sooner or later everyone will find out and yes, people will talk. Good things, bad things. What else is new? What I don't want to do is to hide as if we were doing something wrong."

"I know that, we're not doing anything wrong. All I'm saying is that we should be careful. We don't want our relationship to end up being badly mishandled, making some sort of chaos, harming our careers. I just think you're being naive and reckless, not giving importance to possible consequences."

"Naive and reckless? Why? I know we might hear some crap because some people are idiots but I don't care. I'm sure of what I want, nothing they say will change that." Erik said. Jonas was about to say something back but he interrupted him. "You know what? I feel like if we keep talking about this we'll likely argue and I'm not in the mood of having our first couple argument. Not when there's something much better to do."

Erik put his laptop aside and pulled Jonas for a kiss. Jonas was probably right and they needed to discuss the matter seriously but they could do it another time. For now he just wanted to make the most of the time they could spend together since they didn't have much time lately. For the moment he just enjoyed the way Jonas kissed him, how the brunette's lips felt against his own, howJonas would put his arms around him to keep their bodies close. Not that there was anything that he wasn't already used to about it but it was always great to be with him, it was still as incredible as their first kiss had been.

"What do think about going on a road trip?" Erik asked when they finally broke away from the kisses.

"Are you making plans for your vacation already?"

"No. Actually, I've been wanting to go back to Pirmasens for a while now but our schedule this month has been insane with two matches per week. But I suppose after the Bayern match we'll have a free Sunday and I wanted to make a road trip home. I'd love if you could come with me."

"Is that one of those dates where you take you boyfriend and show him around the city where he grew up in?"

"Part of it. Pirmasens is a nice city, I think you'll like it there. But I also have other plans. I want to visit my sister, see how she's doing and give her the gifts I bought for my niece that I hadn't time to take it to her yet. Visit my parents house that it's still my house since my bedroom is still like the way it was when I left to come to Dortmund. Also because I miss eating the food my mom makes."

"You're a grown up man, Erik. You can cook your own food." Jonas jokingly mocked him.

"You know it's not the same thing. And my father told me that on said Sunday SG Rieschweiler, my first football team, where I started my career, will have a festive day for the kids of the region. I was thinking it'd be nice if I could stop by and play with the kids. When I got called up for the World Cup they sent me their best wishes and when I came back from Brazil they welcomed me with a very warm reception. I wanted to return their kindness somehow and this could be a good idea. It's not much but it's what I can do given our tight schedule."

"It might not be much to you but I bet these kids will appreciate it a lot. It'll be nice for them to have a good example, someone to look up to."

"Me? I don't have that much experience yet. It's still hard to believe how things happened fast in my career since 2013. One day I made my debut on the first team and a few months later I was part of the World Cup squad. It was insane. But since then I've been trying to improve myself like any other player. That's not much to say."

"That's exactly a good example you can show the kids. That there's always something to learn and improve no matter what you've been already through in your career. To keep their feet on the ground and remain focused on their objectives because the hard work pays off. What better example of that than yours? I'm proud of you, sweetheart."

"I just do what I love, there's no big deal about it. Just like you. You have the same dedication that I have. You understand about it as well so I'd love if you could come with me."

"Yes, I will. But don't expect me to make some kind of speech because I don't have much to say. You don't get much experience sitting on a bench. Our dedication might be the same but our careers are heading different ways."

"Love, you deserve much more than you're getting lately. I can't imagine how frustrating this is making you feel but things will get better, one way or another." Erik said and kissed him afterwards. "I'll talk to my father and make some arrangements. We shall go to my hometown in the morning and stop by my old club after lunch, it's some minutes away from Pirmasens. It'll be fun."

"I'll look forward to that. Hopefully this will be the first of many road trips together to your hometown."

"I can only hope for that. You'll be welcome there anytime." Erik said and pressed their lips together initiating a slow kiss. "So, wanna go out tonight?"

"I have plans already. I'm going to the movies with some friends. We'll be watching Deadpool. It seems to be a funny movie, we'll surely share some laughs through it. Do you want to come with us?"

"Who are you inviting here?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you inviting your boyfriend or your best friend?"

"My best friend. I'm sorry, Erik. My friends don't know about us and I..."

"No need to be sorry. I'm just asking to make sure to know how we should act and avoid any awkward situation. Do you mind if I invite some friends of mine as well?"

"Of course. Afterwards we can all go for dinner together. Meet you in the movie theater at 19:30h?"

"Sure. We'll get to know each other's friends, it should be fun."

"It feels like we're doing small progresses on our relationship. First it was telling our parents and now we can gather our friends together and see how it goes." Jonas said and stole one last kiss before standing up. "I need to go now. See you later, baby."  
"See you, love."

Their night in the cinema went on pleasantly. The movie was funny and they had good laughs throughout it. Better yet, Jonas' friends and Erik's got along very well and they all enjoyed the movie. Jonas and Erik were sitting side by side. At some times it was hard to resist not sharing some caresses or kisses but they managed. And yet, midway the movie Erik tried to hold Jonas' hand, it was dark no one would even notice it but that try made Jonas nudge him away. Jonas was still in denial about showing the slightest sign of affection in public. At the same time that Erik respected that, he couldn't help but to feel a bit annoyed.

After playing 120 minutes against Porto, Erik felt the muscle of his left thigh bother him again. He went through medical exams but once again no injury was detected. After many matches on a row, Erik need time to rest his muscles, recover from the fatigue and the repetitive strain. Tuchel decided to rest him against Hoffenheim. He'd get some medical treatment to be fit in time for the match against Bayern. He watched from home as the team won against Hoffenheim. Jonas had finally gotten a chance to play 90 minutes again, doing a good job, creating chances and giving two assists. Erik still couldn't understand why Tuchel didn't seem to appreciate Jonas' talent and efforts. He was being underrated and deserved getting better chances to play. Unfortunately, there was nothing Erik could do about it.

Against all odds Erik managed to be fit again in time to face Darmstadt and so he made the starting line up. The first half seemed to go by quickly. Ramos had opened the score and when Erik noticed, it was already halftime. Meanwhile, Jonas had been on the bench and apparently he'd continue there for the second half according to Tuchel's choice.

Around the 52nd minute Jonas watched closely as Castro received the ball from Weigl and made an excellent pass toward the box. At the time Jonas couldn't see who ran faster than the opponent to slot the ball in the goal. Once he heard Schmelle saying it had been Erik he celebrated it even more. That was until he saw Julian too close to his boyfriend, almost pressing his forehead against Erik's. Jonas smile faded away as he watched that. It wasn't jealousy what he was feeling. It simply should've been him in Julian's place but it wasn't. Erik had scored and given how rarely it happened, it was special. But it kinda killed him in the inside not being able to be there celebrating and congratulating him. When Jonas came back to Dortmund one of the things he was looking forward was to play along Erik. However, lately that wasn't happening as he'd have liked it. Tuchel put him to play on the last 20 minutes but there wasn't much more to do.

Next up: facing Bayern home. The players were all excited for that match. They'd have to win it if they still wanted to fight for the Bundesliga title. A win and they'd be only 2 points behind Bayern. The trainings were intensive but they'd get a good time to rest at night. In one of these nights Jonas and Erik were at 'their' house, sitting on the couch, watching one of the James Bond's movies from the collection set Erik had given him. Jonas was enjoying the movie but at some point he noticed Erik wasn't paying attention to it. He was staring at him instead.

"What? Not liking the movie?" Jonas asked.

"James Bond is not my thing. But you are. And I'm starting to get jealous here. You're paying too much attention to this Bond guy and forgetting about your boyfriend. I don't like that at all." Erik pretended to be sad, pouting his lips.

"And why should I put one of my favorite movie characters aside? I'm sure my spoiled boyfriend can survive till the end of the movie without me."

"I don't know. Maybe because your boyfriend..." Erik made a small pause to get closer to Jonas and start giving quick kisses on his neck as he continued speaking. "...loves you so damn much. And because you haven't properly congratulated me yet for the goal I scored."

"I haven't had the time to yet. Besides, I suppose Julian did that for me when he almost kissed you as everyone could see on the pictures of your celebration."

"Even though we were close, no one is suspecting Julian and I have something going on. See, there's no need to freak out about pictures of us celebrating together possibly giving us away."

"That's because he has a girlfriend. Meanwhile you and I supposedly don't have girlfriends and that could..."

"Ok, you said you didn't have time to congratulate me before but you have it now. Forget about those pictures and about this damn movie. Your boyfriend really needs you right now. Like he needed you ten minutes ago. Like he'll still need you some minutes from now if you don't do anything about it."

Jonas dared to look into Erik's eyes, as soon as he did it he knew he was lost. He could never resist to his green, puppy eyes, looking at him so lovingly. Jonas pushed him to lie down on the couch, kissing Erik passionately and being kissed back with just as much love and desire. They lost notion of time as they made out till late night. None wanted to stop even knowing they should be already sleeping. They almost ran late to Brackel the next morning. They were luck they didn't have dark circles under their eyes for the lack of proper sleeping time. But even if they had, it'd have been worth anyway.

It was matchday again. They would be playing home against Bayern. Erik was in the starting XI while Jonas started on the bench. In the first 20 minutes both teams tried to keep ball possession so it wasn't very creative from either side. Until when Bayern took their chance out of one lack of attention from BVB's defense and Lewandowski opened the score. BVB was a little disoriented for the next few minutes but they managed to get themselves together in time for Auba to score before halftime.

The players got back to the second half hopeful that they could still win the match. After all, they had defeated Bayern at Allianz Arena so why couldn't they do the same in their own home. Well, easier said than done. Borussia managed to create more chances until the 65th minute. That's when Bayern got ahold of the control of the match and started to put pressure on them. And this time BVB"s defense managed to resist well to Bayern's attack. At the 88th minute Reus scored the goal that would give them the win. If it wasn't for the fact that he was offside. And so Bayern took advantage of BVB's weakness: getting caught on counterattack. Bürki had done good saves through the match but this time he couldn't block Alonso's long distance shot. Bayern scored their second goal leaving no time for Borussia to fight back.

It was a bittersweet defeat. They had had the most chances to win the match but unfortunately Bayern was more effective at that. Borussia not only lost the match but also the chance to close the gap to 2 points between the teams. Now the difference went back to 8 points again. As for Jonas, not only was he upset for the defeat but also because Tuchel didn't seem to think he could be helpful. In the match at Allianz Arena in past October he had scored a hat trick. If that wasn't enough to prove what he was capable of doing then what was?

When Jonas got back to the changing room after a warm down exercise he found Erik's sitting on the bench near his stuff, distraught, with his head down. Jonas walked to him, not bothering that there were other people there as well and kissed the top of Erik's head. The next thing he did was to sit beside his boyfriend, putting his arm around the blonde's shoulder.

"It'll be okay."

"We lost another chance again. We can't afford that. We played better than they did. We deserved another shot at fighting for the championship. I'm sick of seeing them win it. And we just blew our chances, again. If we can't defeat them then who can?"

"Mainz did it so I'd say anyone can. They're not playing at their best since the beginning of the year. Today they weren't the best side but they got lucky. A draw would've been more fair."

"I just hate doing our best only for it to be in vain. As if our hard work meant nothing."

"I know too damn well how it feels like." Jonas said and Erik could hear in his tone that he wasn't just talking about the match. Before he could ask anything Jonas continued to speak. "Take a shower. You'll feel better. I'll wait for you. We can go to my apartment afterwards."

"Sorry, I have plans already. I'm going out with Sophia tonight. It has been a while since the last time and I just want to see her."

"Is it really necessary?"

"Yes. Hope you don't mind it."

"I was kidding. It's okay. Go, meet her. Have some good talk. If this is gonna help distract you from this defeat, I don't mind. This match clearly took its tool on you and it's understandable if you need to take a break and cool down. Sophia surely will look out for you. And I trust you. So, you can go."

"Thank you for understanding." Erik stood up and reached for his towel, about to head to the showers. "Are you still coming with me to Pirmasens tomorrow morning?"  
"Sure."

"I'll pick you up earlier tomorrow."

Before Erik left the room, he bent down to pick some thing up and Jonas could hear him whispering 'I love you' to him which put a smile on his face as he watched Erik disappear out of his eyesight. He then joined Mazte and Gonzo and they walked towards the parking lot, still talking about the match.

Later that night Jonas was lying on his bed, having a hard time to fall asleep. Still upset with the defeat and not having Erik around made him feel lonely. Which was something he wasn't used to feel since they started to date. And even if he wished Erik were there with him, he knew that his boyfriend needed some freedom, he couldn't have him all for himself. Jonas reached for his mobile and scrolled through it absent minded for a while. When he noticed he had his contacts list open. And the first he saw was from his agent. He sighed. Yeah, he'd be needing to call him soon. For him it was clear that Tuchel didn't trust his talent and sitting on the bench wasn't going to help his career. As painful as the thought of it felt, it was time to consider new options.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apart from what I wrote on this chapter, I hope Borussia win today's match. I want to see Bundesliga on fire! (To be competitive again.) I like both teams but today I'll hope for a BVB win.
> 
> So.... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated. It's what keeps me motivated and inspired.


	51. "A walk in the park"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erik and Jonas spend a sunny Sunday in Pirmasens.
> 
> Phew.... I just finished this chapter in time to post it today. I struggled a lot to get it done but here it's, with almost 6k words. Sorry if there's any misspelled word, I'll check that later.
> 
> A little note: in this chapter I mention a character named Conrad. In this fictional story he's the husband of Erik's sister.
> 
> For this chapter the song I had as inspiration was: "Nothing more" by The Alternate Route.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it. Feedback is highly appreciated.

Chapter 51 - A walk in the park

Jonas had woken up early considering it was Sunday and that they had the day off. His anxiety didn't let him sleep longer. It was just past 7am and he was already under the shower. It'd be a long day but he was looking forward to every minute of it. A whole day with Erik and his family, to visit the city where his beloved one grew up. It had everything to be a great day. And since his job consumed much time of their days, getting the chance to do something like that was rare but to be treasured and enjoyed to the most.

He was standing in front of his closet, after spending a few minutes deciding which clothes to wear, when Erik arrived at his place and got in using the spare key he had.

"Hoffi?" Erik asked, looking for him.

"In my bedroom, honey."

"Good morning, love!" The blonde said and kissed Jonas quite enthusiastically.

"Wow... Good morning! I see you're already in a great mood this early."

"I'm going home, to my family, bringing the man I love with me. What is not to be excited about it?"

"I'm excited too. So much so I can't decide if I should wear something casual like this or if I should pick something more formal."

"Formal? It's not like you're meeting them for the first time. And you're looking great with this jeans and shirt. I'd say take the black leather jacket too. Leather fits you nicely."

"Good point. And it's more beautiful than some pair of red shoes." Jonas joked.

"Hey! They're my favorite. You don't get to talk bad about them. That's when you offend me." Erik joked back. "Seriously, what you're wearing is perfect. Although, if I'm to be honest, you look even better naked."

"Do you think so?"

"I'm absolutely sure about that." Erik smiled as he saw Jonas blushing at his compliment. The brunette shortened the distance between them to kiss him. When they pulled away Jonas held his face with his hands, turning to the right and left as if checking for something. "What are you doing?"

"Just making sure there isn't anything suspicious left from last night with Sophia."

"What...? Jonas! For God's sake! Are you for real right now? If you think I'm some kind of cheating..."

"Relax, Erik. I was just kidding. Still, how did your night out with her went?"

"It was fun. We had dinner together then I invited her to my place and we played some races on the videogame, talked about stuff and that was all. I appreciate that you're getting over the old jealousy and that you're okay with me spending time with Sophia sometimes. Thank you for the trust."

"Honey, you showed me uncountable times how much you love me so I don't doubt that and I don't feel insecure about it any more. I'm the one you want. It's not Sophia or anyone else, it's me who you love. You let that pretty clear. I no longer have issues with you being friends with her. As for the jealousy, I can't promise anything considering the growing amount of attention you've been getting in the past two years, especially from women."

"And yet the only attention I want to get is from a guy. A very special one."

"You fully have it, my love." Jonas said and that earned him a very passionated and enthusiastic kiss, even more than the first kiss they had shared that day. "Wow, your kisses are on point today. What is it?"

"I don't know when I'll be able to delight in the feeling of having your lips on mine again after we leave so I just wanted to make the most it for now."

"You can make a whole day without my kisses."

"Not sure I can. You make me love you more, want you more by each day. It's getting hard to stay away from you whenever we're apart. To stay without your kisses, your smell, your touches and without your arms around me. And I bet it feels the same for you, doesn't it?"

"It does. I'm glad we get to spend this day together even if we'll have to hold back any display of affection. But yes, I can't stay without your kisses either." Jonas pushed Erik on his bed, leaning down to kiss him afterwards. "Do we really have to go? Can't we just stay here, have one of those lazy days, making out, watching some football match, cook something together, and who knows, making love..." Jonas finished speaking and gave a little bite on Erik's earlobe, pulling at it gently.

"We better stop or we won't make it to Pirmasens anytime soon." Erik managed to stand up and helped Jonas do the same. "I love your idea, dear. But today I want to visit my parents. And having you coming with me makes it even better. Going back home is special to me and this time it'll be even more because I'm bringing someone who is very special to me. I hope you'll have a good time there."

"With you by my side there's no bad time, baby."

The road trip to Pirmasens a relatively long drive, a little over 3 hours. But it didn't seemed that long when they where talking through it, singing along some songs. Both were bad at singing, they were well aware of it, but the important was that they were having fun and laughing together. Halfway there they stopped for breakfast and Jonas offered to drive for the rest of the way. Erik had been driving for almost 2 hours and Jonas decided to give him some rest. So Jonas drove from there under Erik's instructions, giving him the directions to his parents' house. Right after Jonas parked in front of the house his cellphone rang.

"Go ahead. My mom it's calling me. I need to answer that."

"OK. See you soon." Erik kissed his cheek before getting out of the car. He opened the back seat door to grab the bags with gifts for his sister and headed towards the house. His mom didn't take long to open the door.

"Erik, my dear! I'm so happy you could come by today." His mother gave him a tight hug and let him in, without noticing that he hadn't got there alone. "How is everything going, son?"

"Despite the defeat yesterday, everything else is pretty good."

"It was pity that result. And you played really well. You've been playing pretty impressively lately, not that it's any surprise to me, but it's good to see how more people are acknowledging that. In that semester right after the World Cup, as a mother, it was tough seeing all that criticism towards you when I knew very well your potential. At least now they're realizing the talent you have. But enough with the football talk. I'm glad you're here. We can have a proper talk through lunch about everything. It's been a while since last time we managed to gather the family here."

"I'd love it to happen often. But unfortunately my schedule has been full with so many matches lately."

"Your father told me you're planning to visit your old club in the afternoon."

"I'm looking forward to interact with the kids. It should be fun. Talking about dad, where is he?"

"He went to pick up Lisa." His mother said. "She is taking extra caution with the pregnancy and avoiding anything that could have even the smallest risk, like driving. And Conrad is in Frankfurt for work over this week so we're helping her."

"How is she doing with the pregnancy?"

"Very anxious, a bit nervous and over cautiously. It's understandable, it's her first pregnancy. When I was expecting her I had some worries too but in the end everything went well. Now, with you it was easier because I knew what to expect when going through the pregnancy."

"Can't wait to see her. We talk over the phone every week but it's not the same. I brought these gifts for her. I got so excited when she told me it'd be a girl, couldn't help but to buy them."

"You should visit Lisa's place. Conrad and her are setting such a lovely room for the baby." Before she could continue, they heard a knock on the door.

"And this should be my surprise. I'll be right back." Erik rushed to the door to let his boyfriend in. He couldn't resist but to give him a peck before taking him to meet his mother." Mom, look who I invited to come along."

"You brought a guest? You should've let me... Jonas, dear! What an amazing surprise!" Erik's mother welcomed him with one of her usual tight hugs, surprising Jonas. Erik smiled at it.

"She just might like you a bit too much, don't worry." Erik said. "I thought it'd be nice if I could bring Jonas and show him around the city. I'm happy he accepted the invitation."

"I'm really happy to have you here, dear. Erik, you should have told me he was coming. I'd have prepared something special for him."

"There's no need, Mrs Durm. It's special for me simply being here."

"I'd ask how you're doing but the look of joy in your face shows it all. I see the relationship is doing great for you two."

"Yes, it is." Erik replied and they smiled at one another. His mother excused herself and left for the kitchen. Erik saw as Jonas' expression turned into a serious one. "Hey, that call... Is everything ok?"

"Yes."

"Hoffi, don't lie to me, love."

"Yes, it's ok. Nothing to worry." Jonas said but Erik didn't seem to be convinced of it. "Later. I kinda need to use the restroom."

"Go through the hall, the second door on the right."

When he was done, Jonas slowly walked back through the hall looking at the family pictures that were hung up on the wall. One caught his attention. It was an old picture of Erik along his sister. He must had around 8 years old on the photo but he already had that gorgeous smile Jonas knew too well. That smile that never failed to warm his heart. Walking closer to the living room Jonas heard an unfamiliar voice and figured it should be from his sister so he politely waited for Erik to greet her, instead of interrupting them.

"Lisa, I missed you a whole lot!" Erik said enthusiastically after he carefully hug her.

"Look at you, so beautiful!"

"And so pregnant." She joked. "Thank god the morning sickness phase is long gone, now I'm dealing with some back pain and a lot of anxiety but other than that it's going well."

"When is the baby due?"

"Probably the second week of June. Just three more months and I don't know if I'm more anxious for it or nervous about it."

"Middle of June? I won't be able to see my niece soon. I'll probably be with the national team in France by the time. Since you told me the news I have been so excited with the whole becoming a uncle thing. Have you and Conrad already picked a name for her?"

"We're still deciding. At the moment our only worry is the baby's health. Thank god, everything is going well so far."

"Can you feel her moving?"

"Yes! At first it was a little weird but I'm getting used to. I feel her move more often when Conrad is around. Guess she likes hearing her daddy's voice more. But, enough talking about me. What about you? I've been watching how great you've been playing. I'm so proud of my little brother!

"Thank you. Since last year some things are going great for me and at the same time my performances got a lot better. Sometimes I'm surprised with my own progress. I'm just happy, that kinda reflects on how well I play."

"Happy. So, I heard. I was told you're seeing someone, but not who." Lisa said and then she started to speak faster, barely leaving time for Erik to make sense of her words. "Let's be honest, it's not that hard to guess who. I'm happy that you finally made a move on. How much longer were you going to wait? For some time I thought you never would but I'm so glad you did it. Five minutes ago Mom texted me saying we have a guest today. So... Where is her? Where is Sophia? I miss her too."

"Wait... What?" A very confused Erik wondered. "Sophia? No. What are you talking about?"

"You don't have to hide it from me, I know you too well. I was there when you first saw her, when you two first met. I saw how you liked her right at first sight. I don't know what took you so long but I'm glad you're together now. I think she's a perfect match for you."

"What? You think Sophia and I.... Yes, at first sight I found Sophia pretty, attractive..." Before Erik could say anything else he noticed Jonas standing in the living room' entrance. He must have heard Lisa's comments judging by the disappointment on his face. "C'mom, I'm not blind. I think she's stunning but so what? That doesn't mean anything. I grew to love her in a friendly way, to see past her beauty. And now that's all we are: great friends."

"Really? What a shame. I was really hoping you two would get together. If not her then who? I doubt you'd find a better woman than Sophia."

"She doesn't know." Erik said to Jonas as the brunette stood behind his sister."

"How come?" Lisa found it a little odd that her brother spoke as if it was for someone else.

"Yes, I'm in a relationship, more like in the beginning of one, and I'm absolutely in love with this person but it's not Sophia."

"So, who is it?"

"Me." Jonas replied and Lisa turned around to see him for the first time. It surprised her to see him there but soon it was replaced by confusion as she looked from Jonas to her brother.

"Hofmann? What are you... Wait! Let me see if I got this right. Are you two dating? Like, each other?"

"That's pretty much it."

"Oh... Wow... This is awkward." Lisa said, taking a little time to let the news sink in. "I mean, Hofmann, you must have heard me talking about Sophia. I'm sorry. I had no idea you and Erik were together. I wouldn't have said that had I known it."

"You can call me Jonas and it's okay. It's not a secret that he has a crush on her."

"No, I haven't!"

"Yes, you have." Jonas and Lisa replied at the same time, making them laugh together afterwards. Erik just rolled his eyes and waved his arm in frustration.

"I suppose our parents already know about you two. Why am I the last one to know?"

"It's not exactly something you talk over the phone. Besides, I was the last one to know about your pregnancy, so we're even."

"You're always so busy in Dortmund. In the end I had to give the news over the phone, but I'd rather had met you in person. It seems like we have a lot to talk but I suppose you want to enjoy a lovely the Sunday in family so another time. For now, I just want you and Jonas to know that I wish you the best. I believe in love above all so I don't have issues with my brother having a boyfriend. I'm just a bit upset you kept it from me. I'm your sister, I care for my little brother, I always want to know how you're doing, how things are going for you."

"Well, now you know."

"It's so nice to see my brother in such very good mood. Jonas, I supposed a big part of it is due to you so thank you for making him happy." Lisa gave him a quick hug.

"You're very welcome here. Sorry for my initial reaction, I really wasn't expecting it."

"Everything is good, don't worry. And congrats on the baby."

"Thank you. And you..." Lisa turned to her brother, taking her time to hug him. She whispered so only he could hear. "Oh, you... You really know how to make a great choice, don't you? He's just handsome!"

"I know! Lucky me." Erik joked as he pulled away. He then pointed out to the bags on the couch. "Anyway, I brought these gifts for you. For my niece."

"Aw! You didn't need to."

"Yes, I did. And just so you know, I'll spoil my niece as much as I can."

"I can see that." Lisa said as she opened the gifts to find some baby clothes and toys.

"Thank you!"

Lunch at the Durm's went on pleasantly. His boyfriend' family welcomed him as if he had been there many times before. They talked and laughed together and Jonas felt very comfortable, as if he was at his own place. He still remembered how nervous he felt when he visited his ex girlfriend's parents for the first time. Now, this time everything was different and Jonas felt very at easy around Erik's parents and his sister. He was moved by how well they treat him, as if he was already part of the family.

After lunch Jonas went along Erik as the blonde gave his sister a ride home. They spent around thirty minutes there after she insisted taking them to see the baby's room. Jonas watched as Erik talked to his sister while at the same time he seemed in wonder with all the details from the room. If Erik was already that excited for the birth of his niece, Jonas didn't even want to think how he'd get if it was his own child. Jonas felt bad once again when he remembered he was taking that opportunity away from Erik.

Before he could feel any guilt for that they left Lisa's place. As Erik drove to his former club he told Jonas a little bit about the city and some places he liked. The drive took about 20 minutes and they joined some families who had brought their kids to take part of the festive day. As they walked to the pitch, Erik met some of the staff from the time he played there and greeted them all. The coach was also still the same, the one who had helped him shape his skills and was part of the process of becoming the player he was today.

Jonas and Erik joined the kids, aged around 8-12 years old, to play with them. They were in opposing teams. Many of the kids recognized them and were super excited to be playing with them. As they played Jonas noticed that there were more people gathering around as the minutes went by. Probably the news that Erik was in the city must have been spread.

Neither Jonas or Erik scored. The objective was for the kids to have fun so they only helped them, instead of scoring themselves. Jonas watched as Erik gave a pass for one of the kids to score. He saw as his boyfriend kneeled on the grass and all the kids from his team hugged him. When Jonas was able to see his face, Erik had the biggest smile upon it. Another painful reminder of how well Erik got along with kids, how they would make him happy.

After the festive game Erik sat on the grass and the kids sat in front of him. Jonas watched proudly as Erik gave an inspiring speech about his road to become a player. On how he's always looking forward to improve himself despite wins or defeats. The kids were caught up, making questions to which Erik would happily answer. Afterwards all the kids gathered for a picture and Jonas and Erik joined them.

Before leaving they took time for some autographs and pictures with the kids and fans. Erik was the most requested and Jonas practically just had to wait for his boyfriend to be done. He watched as a group of teenage girls surrounded Erik. One of them even dared to hit on him and Jonas simply rolled his eyes at that.

"I honestly don't know how you manage to deal well with all the teenagers and women constantly hitting on you." Jonas said as they walked back to Erik's car.

"It's a bit awkward but I guess you get used to it eventually."

Near the end of the afternoon Erik took Jonas in a park, where he used to spend most of his Sundays with his family as a kid. He had always love being surrounded by nature, trees, lakes. Something he was too busy nowadays to appreciate. They walked around the park as Erik told Jonas some of his childhood memories. Eventually they found a place to sit down on the grass and appreciate the sunset as many other people were also doing all around them.

They watched as a young male couple walked past them and sat somewhere near. They held hands and kissed a few times, not afraid of showing affection in public. Jonas and Erik noticed that people around them didn't seem to mind about the couple's actions.

"Do you think we'll ever have this freedom?" Erik asked

"We don't know what they've been through before reaching this stage. And they're just two unknown guys, their relationship won't be on the news, people won't mind them because in the end they are just like any other couple." Jonas replied. "You and me, well, considering the relationship we want to have, our job is not exactly the best for that. Wanting it or not, we became public people, if we allow ourselves that kind of freedom it'll turn into a big buzz, people will talk, will say we're a bad example, will condemn a relationship between team mates, will blame us if our team perform poorly. And none of us would want to cause any harm to the club's name. We're in a complicated situation."

"Yeah, maybe reaching freedom in our case will be thougher, and we might face bad times but I doubt it'll be all bad. I mean, on the other side there will be the people who will support us or at least not mind our personal lives."

"Erik, I know it's not enough for you and believe me, it's not enough for me either but it's what we can have for now. I wished we could have this freedom, I wish our relationship was like any other. But it's not. Some people won't see it with good eyes and our careers could get ruined. That wouldn't be good for any of us. You don't see football players coming out for a reason. Maybe one day we'll have this freedom but we can't rush that. It'll only make it worse."

"Ok, I get it."

"Oh, don't be sad. For now let's enjoy and make the most of what we can have. Like this beautiful Sunday we're spending together. And when we go back home I'll make sure to show you how much thankful I'm to you for this amazing day together."

"Is that so? Then can we drive back to Dortmund like right now?" Erik joked, making Jonas smile.

"You want me that much?"

"Is wanting you all the time much?"

"All the time? Wow... I don't know if I should take this as some kind of praise, if this is worrisome, or if I should be scared of such desire."

"Well, with such amazing and handsome boyfriend I have I can't get careless and forget to show him how much I love him. So yeah, call me needy if you want but I'll always want you." Erik said as he looked deep into Jonas' eyes. He felt a huge desire to kiss him but had to fight it. Erik decided to change the subject or else we wouldn't resist it. "Seriously though, I think we can sleep over my parent's place for tonight. I'm a little tired to drive another three hours."

"But we'll be late for work tomorrow."

"I got a message eailer saying we have Monday off as well."

"Do we?" Jonas took a moment to check new messages on his phone until he found one from the club. "Oh, we do! Nice!"

"And since we have tomorrow off, I thought about something. Before going back to Dortmund, what about if we stop by your parents place. Heidelberg is just over one hour drive from here and then drive home from there."

"I... I don't think it's a good idea."

"Why not?"

"Lets say my mom isn't happy with you at the moment."

"What? Why?"

"Basically, my mom is doing what mothers do, looking out for her son. And in this case it includes keeping an eye on you. It seems someone took pictures of you with Sophia last night and posted then online. My mother saw these pictures and she didn't like it at all. She thinks you're trying to keep up appearances, you know that kind of thing. Concealing the truth while using and/or pretending to be with someone else."

"What? Is that why you looked serious after her call earlier this morning? Forgive me, I don't mean to disrespect your mother but she's awfully wrong about it. Please, Jonas, tell me you know I love you more than anything else and that you know I'd never act in such way."

"Calm down, honey. Never for a second I ever considered such thing. It's just complicated to explain things to my mother. She accepted us being together in respect to my choice. She doesn't fully agree with that. So, if there's a single thing she doesn't like or agree it will turn into a reason to break us up."

"I don't think I'll ever be your mother's favorite. I just don't want to cause you troubles with your family."

"It'll take time but I'm confident things will change. However, what really matters is that I know what is the truth and what is not."Jonas said and Erik felt relieved that he had his boyfriend's full trust. "Talking about Sophia. I don't blame you for having a crush on her. She's pretty, indeed."

"I'm not sure how to feel about you saying this. And no, I don't have a crush on her."

"She's not my type but that doesn't mean I can't admit that she's beautiful. Because she is. And you know what? I'm starting to think it's a good thing that you two are getting closer, building a loyal and strong friendship."

"You're making me confused. It's like last month you still had issues with me spending time with her. And now you're supporting it.I wonder what changed."

"One day you will understand."

"Jonas, I don't like the sound of that. What is going on?"

"Nevermind. Let's appreciate the sunset, shall we?" Jonas said as he looked away. Erik, however, kept looking at him, wondering what Jonas must have been thinking. They stayed in silence for a few minutes until Jonas broke it. "Do you think we'd have ever met if we weren't football players?"

"That's an odd question."

"Sometimes I catch myself wondering how things would be if they were different."

"I don't know, I wouldn't say impossible. Your parents used to play handball, as did my father. He tried to get me into it but I wasn't good with the hands. So, who knows, if we had followed our parents' career maybe we could still have met in some regional league out there. I guess that maybe if football hadn't united us, then probably handball would. After all, they say soulmates always find their way together."

"You think we're soulmates? Do you believe in the whole soulmate thing?"

"To be honest, not really. I just grew up with my sister telling me theories about it. She believed in that. And it worked for her. Lisa married her first boyfriend. As for me, I struggled in every relationship I tried having. And I'm starting to think ours won't be any different."

"Well, relationships aren't like a walk in the park, it has its ups and downs, there's no surprise about it. The thing is: if we can go through it all and come out of it on top, if our relationship is strong enough to resist to anything that comes our way."

"I'd like to think it is."

"Me too." Jonas agreed even if uncertainty was slowly starting to take place in his mind.

They spend around twenty more minutes enjoying the relaxing environment before walking back to Erik's car. The blonde drove through the city showing some places he liked, his old school, the church he used to go to with his family on Sundays and a Spanish restaurant he liked a lot. They considered stopping to have dinner together there but they ended up deciding to go back to Erik's parents' place to have dinner with them.

That went on nicely as the boys told them about how their day has been. Once dinner was over the boys took care of washing the dishes. Mrs Durm offered Jonas the spare room for him to sleep but Jonas politely asked her permition to sleep along Erik in his bedroom. He'd feel more comfortable that way. She agreed and when they were done with the dishes, they wished Erik's parents a good night and headed upstairs.

Meanwhile Erik took a shower, Jonas stayed on his bedroom where took time to take a look in all the football related stuff that was exposed on the walls. Pictures, trophies from junior championships, medals. There were many picture from Borussia as well. He smiled when he saw a picture of them, from their BVBII time, where Erik had his arm around his shoulder while looking at him while he, Jonas, smiled genuinely. Their first year playing together, many good memories.

On the other wall there were the memories of the Word Cup, pictures of his time in Brazil, a green bracelet with a small outline of the Brazilian map, the ball from the final match against Argentina signed by all the players, the medal and the jersey from this match was on a frame on the wall. Even if Erik hadn't gotten the chance to play, it was clearly visible that all those memories meant a lot to him.

"I see you found one of my favorite spots from all these memories. The word cup. I still remember like it was yesterday." Erik said as he got back from showering. "It were around 36 days in Brazil, a lot of hard working and away from my family but it was great. With a perfect outcome."

"Don't you ever feel upset or frustrated for not having been allowed to play?"

"Honestly, not really. Of course everyone there wanted to play, I wanted too, but it was a huge experience and a good learning process. The team was so united in order to reach our objectives. It was an amazing team work and effort. And I got to share a house with Philipp Lahm, one of the players who I took as an inspiration when Klopp put me to play left back. In the end, I took many positive things that can be used for the next tournament in Russia, that is, if I get to be part of it. For now I'm just thinking about taking this frame with the jersey and hang it on my living room's wall."

"Look, I gotta take a shower but I haven't brought an extra set of clothes. Sleeping here wasn't exactly on the plans."

"There's no problem. I have some clothes on the closet, just pick whatever you need. There's a spare towel too. But you know what? Since we'll go to sleep afterwards, you won't see me objecting if you want to sleep only on your underwear like you often do."

"At your parent's place? I don't think so."

When Jonas got back from his shower and closed the beedrom's door, Erik surprised him with quite a breathtaking kiss. Eventually, he ended up knocking Jonas down on his bed but not even that made them break away. They kept kissing as if it had been ages since the last time they had kissed, never letting their lips apart from more than a couple seconds. A few times Erik could feel Jonas' lips turning into a smile against his. Erik loved that he could make him smile through the kisses.

"Oh, wow..." That was all a breathless Jonas could say when they finally took a break.

"Sorry, was it too much? I missed being able to properly kissing through the whole day. I just couldn't stand it any longer."

"Don't you ever be sorry again for loving me like you do. It's the best thing and I'm surely not sorry for loving you back as much as I do."

And with that Jonas initiated another endless kissing make out. They enjoyed it for a while before the lied down on the single bed, entangling their legs, while Erik rested his head on Jonas' chest. The blonde told his boyfriend some things on the story behind some of the pictures and trophies he had. He eventually fell asleep when Jonas rubbed his back slowly with his finger. When Jonas heard him snoring quietly he took a deep breath before start whispering.

"Erik, honey, you deserve the absolutely best. You really do. But I ask myself if I'm the best for you. The thing is: I'm not sure if I am. You want more than I can give you when it comes to relationship. And after seeing you with the kids today it made me realize that I can't take that away from you... What if this is wrong? I mean, I know how stronger our feelings are growing as time goes by but having a relationship and making it work is starting to look so uncertain. Our future is uncertain and the circumstances we live in aren't in our favor. Don't get me wrong, I love you, and to be honest at times I feel afraid of how much I'm getting attached to you, but some times only love isn't enough to make a relationship work. I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready to come out, to have the freedom you want us to have. I know I started this and I have no regrets but I'm not sure this will work. You should know that no matter what happens, you'll always have a special place on my heart. I love you more than I ever loved anybody else and there's no turning back, I'll carry these feelings for the rest of my life. However, I'm not sure if we'll ever have a future together. I'm sorry, honey, but I'm not the best for you. I wish I was, but I'm not... I'm not."

As he finished speaking, Jonas had felt tears fill his eyes and roll down his face. He wiped them away with the back of his hand but new ones streamed down and he gave up. What he and Erik had was special but would it last? The uncertainty of that hurt Jonas and he couldn't control his silent tears any longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very welcomed. Without them it's hard to keep motivated and inspired.


	52. "Until it's gone"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jonas starts to wonder about the future. But it makes him more troubled than let him find solutions.
> 
> So, in this chapter we go past the 1 year anniversary of the night in the first chapter, where it all began. Coincidentally, it has also completed 1 year that I've been writing this story. Crazy! It seems like yesterday I had just started. Thanks for all the support!
> 
> Hope you enjoy it! Let me know your thoughts.

Chapter 52 - Until it's gone

For the next two weeks Jonas had a lot of things running through his mind. Some questioning about his place at BVB and many doubts surrounding the future of his relationship. Erik noticed a few times that he seemed distant and asked if he wanted to talk about it. However, Jonas said he was okay which clearly Erik didn't believe in but choose not to push it. He'd talk whenever he felt like doing do.

The questioning towards his position on the team were temporarily replaced by the pleasing feeling he got when Tuchel let him play the full 90 minutes against Mainz. Erik also started that match but had to be subbed off due to a bruise on his butt after a knock earlier on the first half. Jonas played a solid match earing him a praise from the coach by the end of the match. Erik, who was limping because of his bruise, came towards him, hugged and congratulated him. The happiness Jonas felt after the game was so good, he had missed that feeling.

Jonas traveled with the team to London for the 2nd leg against Tottenham. Borussia had won the first match with a good score and now just had to control the second match. Both started on the bench but Erik got to replace Papa on the second half while Jonas watched the rest of the match on the bench. They won it as well and made it to the next round of the tournament.

When they returned to Dortmund they were surprised by the fact Löw left Erik out of his list of players for the friendlies against England and Italy. Erik had been playing in his best form so far and it surprised many people that he wasn't called up. Even Tuchel showed his surprise. Jonas worried about how it would affect Erik. And he was proud of his boyfriend for how he handled that. Yes, Erik felt disappointed at first but he didn't allow it to let him down. Because if had, he'd end up performing badly on the picht. And that wouldn't be helpful at all if he still wanted to have a shot at the Euros. He wouldn't let himself down, instead, he'd work harder to prove he deserved to be there. That behavior earned him a lot of kisses from Jonas later that night.

On these two weeks things were going good between them, however, Jonas never forgot his own words, the ones Erik never got to hear as he was asleep. Those doubts and uncertainties that started to surround him made him wonder, knowing he wasn't ready for what Erik wanted, wasn't it better to let go of what they had before it was too late? Before it ended up in the news, before it could damage their careers and their lives? Jonas didn't know if he'd ever be ready for this new reality and it was matter of time for that to become an issue between them. If their future was uncertain then wasn't it better to put an end on it before it could become even more painful for both of them?

But how could Jonas consider ending their relationship when Erik demonstrated such passion and love that he had for him? All the thoughts of possibly giving up on them were long gone when Erik made love to him under the shower, on the morning after winning against Augsburg. His boyfriend had sensed that something was troubling him and made sure to remind him of how much he was wanted and loved.

They were at Jonas place and he was getting breakfast ready for them when he heard Erik, who was taking a shower, calling out for him, asking for a new soap. It was a little odd since the blonde knew where he could find one. Nonetheless, Jonas did what Erik had asked him to. What he didn't expect was that when he handled the soap to him, Erik grabbed his arm and pulled him underneath the shower with him, getting his clothes wet. Before Jonas could ask anything Erik slammed his lips against his. It took Jonas some seconds to make sense of what was going on before he kissed him back.

Erik helped him out of his clothes and kissed him again afterwards while the water fell over them. When they broke away Erik made Jonas turn around and hugged him from behind, holding onto him. He also gave soft bites on his boyfriend's neck, sucking gently at the skin. He heard Jonas sighing pleased.

"You know, even though we've been busy lately with so many matches on a row, I didn't forget that we went by a meaningful date."

"We may not have had time to celebrate it but I also didn't forget. It has been one year since I showed up at your door after that defeat against Juventus. And to think I almost turned around and ran away twice before finally knocking on your door."

"I'm so thankful you didn't. Personal wise, this has been the best year of my life. It's crazy how fast it went by, it seems like it was yesterday. I enjoyed every minute of it. Even when things got complicated and it wasn't going good. Because times like those made me understand better what I was feeling for you."

"I never expected it'd get this serious, a bit naive of me. But you know, I wouldn't change a single thing. Being with you has been amazing. I can't imagine how things would be now if that night had never happened."

"Then don't even waste time trying to. That night not only was real but also changed our lives. For better." Erik reached for Jonas' face turning it to the side so he could steal another kiss. "If there's ever a moment of uncertainty crossing your mind, just remember that you're making me the happiest I have ever been. I don't want anybody else but you. I feel so blessed for having you in my life, my love. Wouldn't have it any other way."

Jonas turned around to face his boyfriend only to find Erik smiling at him. Jonas felt like words weren't enough to show how thankful he was. He didn't reply anything. He just kissed Erik eagerly while using his hand to ran it through the dark blonde strands of his hair. Jonas loved pulling at it gently while kissing him.

That kiss was followed up by many other kisses, by many caresses and many love bites but at some point that simply wasn't enough for neither of them. They couldn't resist to their desire and they gave in to it. They made love under the shower, as the water kept falling over their bodies.

"Damn, I never thought sex in the morning could be so refreshing." Erik said by the time they got dressed. "It doesn't even look like I played for 90 minutes yesterday. I feel brand new."

"Took us too long to figure that out. Now that we know, we should do it more often. You've been amazing, as always."

"Meanwhile, here I am still anxiously waiting to figure out how amazing you..." Erik used his index finger to poke Jonas' chest. "...are when it comes to sex. One year together and I still don't know that side of you. How much longer will you keep me living on expectations?"

"Soon, I promise, baby." Jonas made a little pause to kiss him. "But don't put me under pressure for that."

"That's not my intention, sweetheart. It's just to remind you that I want you in case you forgot it."

"As if you'd let me forget that." Jonas kissed him once again and headed for the kitchen to finish setting their breakfast.

"So, it seems we have some light training sessions on the morning for the week but we've got a whole weekend free." Erik walked back to the bathroom to fix his hair. "Do you have something planned?"

"No, why? Do you have something in mind?" Jonas replied from the kitchen.

"Well, you've been to my hometown. What about taking this weekend and travel to yours?"

"Still no sure if it's a good idea."

"I have to get on your mother's good side, the sooner I do that the better. I can't let her thinking that I'm not worthy of your love or whatever impression she has of me at the moment. I gotta do..." Before Erik could continue his mobile ringed. "I have to pick this up." He walked back to his bedroom while Jonas finished getting the breakfast ready.

"If you're willing to try then I'll help you with my mother." Jonas said some minutes later when he saw Erik joining him. However, as soon he finished speaking he noticed Erik looking down at his mobile. "What happened?"

"I'm afraid we'll have to cancel the plans for the weekend. I just got called up for the national team."

"What?"

"It seems like Löw dropped someone off the squad last minute. And now they want me in Berlin tomorrow."

"It's not fair of them to treat you like a second choice. You deserve better than that."

"Yeah, I was disappointed for not being on the first list. But I can't refuse their call now. It'd be worse. Not to mention they could take it as unprofessional behavior and so my chances of making the Euro's squad could be gone. So, I gotta go home later, pack my things and be there tomorrow. Sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Just go there and show them all your deserve better than to be seen as a second choice. I know you can do this. Want me to make you company at your place till tomorrow?"

"No need. I'm having some friends over this afternoon. I'll call you before going to sleep. But for now let's appreciate this delicious breakfast you made for us."

On the next morning, Erik had all his stuff packed, ready to leave for the airport in about half an hour. While waiting for the time to come, he was texting his sister, who wanted to know about how he ended up dating Jonas since his relationship had been unexpected for her. They talked until Jonas showed up, surprising him.

"Good morning, honey." Jonas greeted him with a kiss. "Couldn't let you go without seeing you again."

"How are you, dear? Did you sleep well?"

"Not really. I simply couldn't sleep much. Just to think you'll stay away for a whole week... I don't like that. I'm gonna miss you so much."

"You'll be fine. Like you said, it's just for a week. It's no big deal."

"Do know what a whole week means? Well, lets see: 7 days equals to 168 hours. Do you think it's not much? Then how about: it also equals to a little over 10 thousands minutes? Still not enough? So, to be more precise it equals to almost 605 thousands seconds. Still not a big deal?"

"Ok, ok. I get it. You're gonna miss me... A lot." Erik replied stunned. "I'll miss you too, don't forget that."

"I can give you a ride to the airport if you want."

"Sure."

"We have some minutes before leaving so I hope you don't mind a little bit of this...." Jonas placed his hand on Erik's face, caressing his cheek with his thumb. They looked at each other's eyes for some seconds before Jonas brushed his lips against Erik's. He soon engaged on a warmhearted kiss.

Jonas parked his car in front of the Dortmund airport. After a little silence Erik reached for Jonas hand.

"Don't be upset. I'll be back soon."

"I was hoping we could spend the whole week together. How silly of me. Now you have to go. I hate this part."

"Jesus, this is starting to look like some sort of goodbye. I'm not leaving you, love. It's just a few days. I'll do my job and yet I'll be always looking forward to be in the comfort of your arms again."

"Go there and do what you love. If they still can't see you're worth being a first choice it's their bad. And a huge mistake."

"Won't you ever say anything bad about me?"

"And is there anything? Besides, I'm biased, you know it. Honestly, I'm just stating what I and many other people think: you deserve that place."

"We'll see what happens. I gotta go now. I love you, Jonas." Erik kissed his cheek before opening the door.

"Love you too! Good luck, honey!"

As he watched Erik walking away, Jonas knew he'd have a long week ahead of him. On the other hand, he'd have a break from the busy schedule. A good amount of time to rest, to see his family, to meet his friends and spend an afternoon playing golf. But when the night would come and he'd find himself alone in his place was the moment he felt Erik's absence the most. Fortunately, not for so long because Erik would call him every night before going to sleep. Even when he couldn't stay on the line for long, he'd at least call to wish him good night.

Giving the how rare it was to have so much free time midway the season, by Friday he kind of ran out of things to do. He trained on the morning and had the rest of the day free. After lunch he tried to think about something different he could do, that normally he'd be too busy to do. One of the things that came to his mind was: books. Suddenly, it didn't seem a bad idea to stop by a library, search for a book that would catch his interest and sit down for a good read.

That was it. He was going there. He liked reading books and maybe it was about time to find a new one to read. The idea felt like one of those that you just didn't know where it came from but it just felt like the right thing to do. He drove to the nearest public library and spent a few minutes reading a couple summaries, searching through the bookshelves for something that would catch his attention.

Jonas found a suspense themed book that seemed interesting. He'd start reading the first pages to see if it was worthy borrowing it. When he had just reached the seventh page he realized it wasn't working. Not because the book wasn't interesting but because he couldn't get himself to fully pay attention on it. Every now and them his mind would go elsewhere and he'd find himself distracted.

He decided to taking a little break from reading until he could get himself focused again. He looked around the place. Just like him, there were many other people enjoying a good read. His attention was caught by a brunette woman, some tables away from the one in a quiet corner where he was. Her hair was tied up in a ponytail, she had earphones on while taking notes from a book. Somehow she looked familiar but his angle of view wasn't helping much. As if she could feel she was being watched, the woman lift her head and took a look around. When her eyes met his, they were both surprised. What were the odds of them coincidentally being in the same place, at the same time? Sophia subtly waved at him. Jonas waved back and turned his attention back to the book

Some minutes later and he still could barely pay attention to what he was reading. He'd find himself reading the same line two or three times without realizing it. He sighed in frustration. His plan of having a good read wasn't working. He was considering putting the book back in the bookshelve and leave when Sophia walked to where he was, placing the three books she had taken on the table, and sat beside him. They were in a far corner so they could talk, in a low tone, without being heard.

"You're stuck on the same page for over five minutes. Either you're a slow reader or you're not reading at all. I'd guess the last one. Do you mind if I sit here and make you company?" Sophia asked.

"Not at all. I see you're having a better time with these books."

"Yeah, you could say that. Those are books in English about Germany. I'm doing a research to learn more about this country, its culture, historical facts and overall information. I know a book originally in German would give me even more details but I'm still struggling with the language. One day I'll get over it, one way or another."

"Learning about the country and the language. It could sound like you have plans to stay here longer. Maybe even permanently."

"We never know what the future holds for us, so... maybe or maybe not. For now I'm liking it here. But what about you? You look troubled."

"I'm good. Maybe not used having this much spare time. I tried doing something different for once. Coming here to distracted myself with books but it's not working."

"I see. If you feel like needing to talk to someone, well, I'm here."

"I'm okay, don't worry." Jonas knew he couldn't even convince himself with that. He needed a friend which he could talk to. He just wasn't sure if Sophia was the right person for that. They stayed in silence for a couple minutes. Jonas looked to the book on the table while Sophia watched him closely.

"Are you happy?" Sophia asked him and Jonas looked at her. "I mean, when it comes to your career, are you happy?"

"Why does it matter for you to know he answer?" Jonas replied and soon realized he was being impolite and she didn't deserve it. "Sorry, I don't mean to be rude."

"It might not matter much to me but it does to someone else. Erik is worried about you."

"Is he?"

"When is he not? I've met him last time about two weeks ago and we talked about some things. He expressed himself worried with your situation at the team. If you think he didn't noticed your discontentment, you're mistaken."

"He never said a word about it."

"He says he feels bad about it because he can't do anything to help you. Whenever something is wrong with you he feels like doing anything he can to make you feel better. But when it comes to your position in the team, it's completely out of his hands. He doesn't feel at easy going to you and asking about it because he feels useless since there's nothing he can do to help. But he says that if you ever want to talk about it, he'll be there to listen and try to help somehow, even knowing he can't do much."

"This is complicated even to me. I don't want to leave Dortmund but I feel like staying won't help me. I need to develop myself and only training won't help me with that. I need more matches, more time on the pitch. How can people expect me to improve when I don't have the opportunities to? Tuchel is a great coach, we can all see it reflected on how well the team is playing but I feel like he doesn't have trust in my potential. I can't work with someone who doesn't trust that I can be helpful."

"So, you're considering leaving in the summer?"

"It really hurts me whenever I think about it. I don't want to give up of these three seasons I had here so far, the moments I experienced here, the friends I made. And even more unlikely, it was through this club that I met the person who means everything to me, my so much beloved boyfriend." Jonas made a pause to take a deep breath. "No, I don't want to leave it all behind but I don't think I have any other choice. I don't want to go through another season with the same old story of sitting on the bench for the most part of it. Our team has many great players, I don't have space here. As much as I hate this, maybe it's time to move on and start all over again in some other team where my talent and skills will be needed and appreciated."

"Do you have something in mind? Like staying in the Bundesliga or even playing abroad?"

"No, I didn't think it through yet. I'm still trying to pick up the courage and talk to my agent. I'll probably meet him over the next week and maybe open the door for new options. I'll see whatever comes up and make a decision."

"Will you let Erik know about your plans?"

"I don't want to keep anything from him but you know what's gonna happen when I tell him? I'm gonna break his heart. I feel like breaking my own heart just thinking about moving on. Telling him we will no longer play together is... How am I supposed to do that?"

"Jonas, you have a wonderful boyfriend, you know that, right? By the way he talks about you it seems he puts your well being above his own. He knows you're currently struggling but wants to see you happy. If your happiness and BVB doesn't belong together any more, he'll understand. Yes, he'll probably be sad with the fact that you're leaving at first but if that means you're going somewhere you can do what you love and that it'll make you happy, he'll support your decision. Don't you ever doubt that."

"I don't. While I think about it, I feel a little guilty for putting my career above my relationship. It seems like a selfish thing to do. Am I selfish for doing that?"

"I'm not sure I'm the best person to answer that. My priorities are different than yours and so is my opinion." Sophia said. "I don't like relationships so work always comes as a priority for me. But you, you have a job and a relationship in which both means a lot for you. I can't imagine having to pick one as priority as that might put the other in risk. But as I like to think, in the end of the day love won't pay our bills so it's understandable if you want to look out for your career in the first place. Do you think Erik would rather see you staying and frustrated with your career or moving somewhere else where you'd get the chance you have always wanted of developing/improving yourself?"

"Erik.. I don't know what to do with him." Jonas sighed.

"What do you mean?"

"He wants us to come out. I mean, he just wants that we could stop pretending we're just friends and start acting like what we really are. However, that would expose us. I don't like pretending either but I'm not sure we're both ready for that after only four months officially dating."

"I'd say you need more time to feel ready do deal with that publicly."

"Time is what we don't have if it's up to Erik. And I have a bad feeling that he'll end up giving away our secret some time soon. And this ain't good for me at the moment. It comes down to my career again, I feel horrible and selfish for putting Erik on the background but I have to make new choices for my future. And if our story becomes of public knowledge, it might spoil any negotiations I might be into with another team. Only God knows how much I love that man but I can't ruin my career either. I'm not in the plans of the main national team but I kinda had a small hope I could be called up for the squad that will play in the Olympics. However, that will hardly happen if I keep being too often left on the bench. I don't want to waste another year of my career."

"By the way you talk, it seems like you're getting sure of your decision. You want to leave... Is there any chance of you staying?"

"At the moment, it's low. I don't want to leave but I don't think things will change drastically for the next season."

"It doesn't have to be necessarily a bad thing. People go after better jobs when the one they have doesn't satisfy them. If you have to go, Erik should understand. You're letting go of BVB not of your relationship."

"Hum... About that..." Jonas started a little unsure.

"Jonas? No. Don't... Jonas! No! Please, don't you dare saying you're considering giving up your relationship." Sophia said in complete disbelief as Jonas looked away. "You've picked on me for months thinking I was a threat to your relationship. And for what? To give up like that? I'm sorry but I'll slap this stupid thought out of your mind if I have to!"

"It's not a matter a simply giving up. I'm realizing I'm not ready for this new reality, of loving another man. When this all begun, it was just supposed to be fun, I was never prepared for it to get serious."

"Let me guess, your lust for Erik didn't let you think straight? Well, I don't blame you. A guy like Erik, those broad shoulders, that smooth and well defined chest, the abs, his thighs... Perfectly muscled thighs. Oh, did I mention his big..." Sophia was interrupted by Jonas covering her mouth with his hand.

"Please, can you not talk that way?"

"I was just gonna say his big green eyes." Sophia replied amused. "Chill, Jonas, you're a bit tensed. Take a deep breath. Tell me why you think you're not ready for this new relationship. That is, if you feel like telling me. You don't have to if you don't want to."

"Its just a new reality that I never expected to live, never got myself prepared to. I mean, you usually have your this kind of thing sorted out through your teenager years and so from there you start learning how to deal and adapt to your preferences as time goes by. My reality was being happy with my girlfriend, a normal straight relationship, no complications. Well, that was until I met Erik. Nothing happened on the first two years, we were just friends. But then I started to have relationshp issues and soon I started to develop this desire, this physical attraction. It was never meant to become emotional and turn into feelings. It was wrong of me to start this without being ready in case it could get serious. And that's exactly what happened. Now I'm not ready to have the freedom Erik wants for us but I can't back down now. I'd not only hurt myself but worse, hurt Erik as well. I got him into it and now I'm not sure I can keep up with such reality."

"Whenever in doubt, just remember that Erik is going through the same changes that you are. It's a new situation that you both need to adapt to together. If by freedom you mean coming out, I'm not the best person to give advice about it since I'll never need to come out. But one can guess it's a complicated process that not always go as expected. Although for what I've been told, you two got through the hardest part, in my opinion, that is getting acceptance from the family."

"Does Erik really tells you everything about me and him?"

"Not everything, don't worry. Sometimes he just feels like talking to a friend and I'm there for him. He's a nice guy, I want to see him happy."

"What if I fail to make him happy?" Jonas said and Sophia could hear the insecurity on his voice. "What if my fears take the best of me and I let him down? For me, as long as we're in our comfort zone, our places, keeping our relationship private will be better this way. After all, what we have it's nobody else's business. But it's not enough for him. He's getting tired of having to hold back his feelings. Now what if we come out? I'm afraid people will think and treat us differently. What if people who doesn't agree with our relationship try to cause us trouble? I know I seem a bit pessimist but it's more realist. Meanwhile Erik, he just sees the good side of things."

"And you seem to be the thoughtful one. Which is good, I think. Between you being logical and Erik's naivety I'd stand by you, Jonas. It's a complicated matter for some so it should be approached with caution. Like I said, you two should learn to deal and adapt to the new situation together. It'll be better if you tell Erik theses things you're telling me. To let him into your feelings and doubts."

"As some say, sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger than to someone who knows you too well. Not that you're a total stranger, it's just that we aren't as close as you and Erik are."

"We could be friends too, if only you'd stop seeing me as some kind of threat to your relationship."

"I'm getting over that. Then I remember Erik has a crush on you."

"It's normal. Erik spent all his life feeling attracted by women. He never felt anything for men before. Now, he might have changed his ways for you but his straight side won't simply disappear abruptly. It's part of adapting to the new reality. You have nothing to worry. After all, what is a crush compared to love? Let Erik have his crush on me. It doesn't mean anything. He loves you, forget all the rest."

"And you, do you have a crush on him?" Jonas asked, even if not sure he wanted to know the answer.

"Who doesn't have a crush on Erik? Duh! You're lucky your boyfriend has a crush on someone who won't take advantage of that. Sometimes I think I'm too nice. Another woman in my place probably wouldn't let it pass. Instead, I'm here supporting and hopping for the best for you two."

"May I ask you something?" As Sophia nodded, he continued. "If for some reason I can't adapt to this new reality and need to back down, could you take care of him? I don't like admitting it but you'd be good for him. If I fail to make him happy.."

"No way, Jonas! No! It's your job to make Erik happy, not mine. It's you who Erik wants to be with, it's you who is making him happy, putting a big smile on his face. You're not giving up what you have without at least fighting for your right to be happy. I'm not gonna let you give up on him this easily. Or do I have to make your life complicated? So you hopefully learn to value your relationship. You two should talk and go through this adaptation process together. How will he ever understand the uncertainties you're going through if you don't talk about it? Giving up would only be worse, for both of you. It's like people say, you don't know what you've got until it's gone. And trust me, you won't want that for yourself."

"The thing is: it's not about giving up. Giving the uncertainty of our future together, I want to avoid further hurt. I mean, I know if we end up having to part ways, it will hurt both of us. I just want avoid us getting hurt so much to the point where we couldn't save our friendship. This is my biggest fear."

"Jonas, you're such a pessimist. Stop thinking that way, stop worrying too damn much. Just enjoy the moment you're living. Is it something too complicated to do? Whenever those doubts start surrounding you just hold on to what you feel for Erik and for how he makes you feel. And if you two ever come out, don't let random ignorance destroy what you two have. I can only imagine that in the beginning it won't be easy to put up with some bullshit some idiots may say but then there'll also be the ones who will support you two. Don't let fears and possible prejudices stop you from being happy with the person you love."

"Maybe I should take a break. Not sure I can actually do that because I feel like missing him all the time but Erik doesn't deserve a boyfriend who is troubled by his own doubts and decisions to be taken. When we're spending time together I can feel that he's totally focused on me. However, I feel like lately I'm not giving my best to him while I have those doubts about my future. I'm starting to wonder if taking a break could be for the best. So I can deal with my issues and get myself adapted to the relationship we want to have. Right now Erik wants more than I can give him and I feel bad about it."

"Well, if you think this is the best option for you... But if you wanna hear a different opinion I think you should let Erik help you. Like I reminded you before, Erik is also adapting to this relationship so you can help each other and make your relationship stronger. Also, when it comes to your career, Erik will support whatever is best for you, even if it takes a little time for him to be okay with you leaving. Please, Jonas, don't give up on him. I might not know Erik for a long time but by the way he talks about you, I don't think he'd ever give up on you. Just remember, relationships doesn't exist only to share good times together, it's also so people can be there for each other when in a moment of need. If you need Erik to be there for you, he'll be. You just need to let him know. Nor you or Erik is alone, you have each other. Just don't make a rushed decision."

"I won't. Or at least I'll try not to."

"You see these books I'm doing some research on? Let's say staying longer in Germany is my new reality. One that I have to adapt to as well. The cultural differences between my country and yours are bigger than I had imagined before I first got here. Some embarrassing situations made me realize that I needed to adapt to this new reality. So, here I'm reading books about it, learning everything I need to fit in. What I mean by saying this is that it could be good for you to do the same. It'd help if you'd search on internet and read books about homosexuality."

"I'm not gay." Jonas wishpered. "I mean, I can't simply identify as being homosexual. Not that I'm ashamed or anything. Except for Erik I don't feel attracted by men. So, I identify more as being bi, but not exclusively as gay."

"You're for Erik. How can you expect to adapt to your new reality if you can't even bring yourself to admit it? Go online and search for reports of people who have been through the coming out experience. Read books on the theme. It should be helpful. As much as things are going ok for now, your relationship won't stay a secret forever, sooner or later more people will know about it. But at least until then you can prepare better to deal with it. Not only for you, but it could be helpful for Erik as well in case you two need to face some negativity. As much as people are becoming more acceptive nowadays, we can't rule that possibility out."

"Yeah, I'll have many things to decide soon but I'll be careful not to rush anything. Anyway, thanks for taking time and talking to me."

"No need to thank me. At least now you can see that I can be a good friend and finally stop having trust issues towards me."

"Well, I'll go home now. I wanted to have a good read but my mind is too troubled to focus on it. But it was nice meeting you. Friends?" Jonas asked offering his hand for her.

"Friends." Sophia agreed and shook hands with him.

"See you." Jonas reached for the book he had taken to put back where it belonged and started to walk away.

"Hey, Jonas! Wait!"

"What? Something wrong?" He asked walking back to where she was.

"Do you have something planned for Tuesday night?"

"Tuesday? I'll be probably home watching the national team's match. Why?"

"Would you want to go to Allianz Arena to watch the match and support your boyfriend?"

"Even if I wanted to the tickets are sold out."

"Yeah, I heard that. But the thing is: I have these two beauties..." Sophia searched on her bag and took a journal out of it. In between the pages she took two tickets. "...here. One is for me, obviously. The other was meant for my brother but he won't be able to be in Munich next week. Which leaves me this spare ticket. Now, the friends I've made so far in Munich are not very found of football. So I kinda of ran out of options. Well, that was until our talk. After all you told me, don't you think it'd be nice to forget all those doubts for a moment and go to the match, enjoy it as a fan, support your boyfriend, and even surprise him in the end? What do you say?"

"I'd love to go but I have training on the morning on Wednesday. I don't know if it's a good idea. I could risk getting late for training or showing up tired."

"Think about it. Here, keep it." Sophia handled him the ticket. "In case you change your mind, you know what to do."

"I don't know why you're doing this for me but thank you."

"Have I mentioned that I'm not letting you give up on him? Well, if there's something I can do to help you giving up those thoughts, I'll do. I just want to see you two happy together."

"I can't promise I'll be there but I'll think I about it. Please, don't mention this to Erik, if you talk to him don't say anything. If I go to the match, I want it to be a surprise for him."

"I won't. And about our conversation, Erik won't know that either. Well, at least he won't hear it from me but maybe he should from you."

Jonas only nodded before waving goodbye. Sophia turned her attention back to the books as Jonas took the one he had taken back to the bookshelf and left. Talking to someone didn't make his issues go away but it made him feel better for the moment, it took his mind away from it for a while. Maybe Sophia was right and it was a good idea talking to Erik about the things that were troubling him but would Erik understand? What if he jumped to a wrong conclusion?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated. Feedback is always a great motivation to keep going.


	53. No other place I'd rather be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erik joins the National team while while he struggle a little with being away from Jonas.
> 
> Surprise!!! An early update! I finished this chapter faster than usual lately so I decided to be nice (as always) and post it today, instead of making you wait another whole week.
> 
> Hope you like it! Feedback is very appreciated.

Chapter 53 - No other place I'd rather be

Erik joined the national team and took part of the trainings doing his best even if deep inside what he really wanted was to be back in Dortmund, with Jonas. He was so used to have his boyfriend around him that it was strange being away from him for many days. But he didn't have a choice, he had a job to do and would do the most of his opportunity even though he felt a little disappointed for only being called on the last minute. He didn't know if Löw had noticed that but at some point, in between then trainings, the coach approached him and let him know that he was using the friendlies to test some options, that he shouldn't worry for not being originally in the call up.

For the match against England Löw left him on the bench. Erik watched as the team got to score twice but he also saw as the English team fought their way back into the match and scored three times, the last one just when the match was about to end, giving England the win. Erik didn't play but was as upset with the defeat as everybody else. The only thing that improved his mood for the rest of the night was Jonas' "I love you" message followed by many heart emojis.

The team spent Monday's afternoon training, focused on facing Italy and avoid making mistakes like the ones from the last match. They needed to win this time to regain their confidence. After intensive training at the stadium they got back to the hotel where Erik took a shower before heading downstairs for dinner. He had about 20 minutes before joining everyone else so that meant that he finally had time to check his cellphone for personal messages and news in overall.

After answering some of the messages he had gotten, he took a look on the news feed. The most talked topic lately was Götze's possible return to Dortmund. The press were all over it. Mario was with them in the national team but never said a word to anybody. Or maybe he did to Marco since they were sharing a room. Anyway, that was not his business so he kept scrolling through the many speculations until another headline caught his attention. 'Hofmann and BVB going different directions?'

Erik had to read that line about four times and yet he wasn't convinced he had read it right. Was his eyes fooling him, was he having some dyslexic crisis that was keeping him from reading the exacts words? Because that headline wasn't right. It couldn't be. OK, it wasn't a total surprise to him that Jonas was far from being happy lately but leaving? He never said a word about it. If that was true Jonas would have at least mentioned the hypothesis, wouldn't he?

He had to take a deep breath in order to pick up the courage to continue reading. The headline by itself started to give him heart palpitations, so he wondered if he should stop there but his curiosity took over and he kept reading. The news went on saying Jonas had visited his agent's office that afternoon and that an inside Bvb source confirmed that the player had requested to be put on the transfer list. That couldn't be true. Jonas wanting to leave Borussia? Nah, it was probably one of those news the press would come up with during international breaks. If there was any truth on it, Jonas would have let him know beforehand.

That left him intrigued and as much as he wanted to call Jonas right at that moment to ask about that he decided not to. He should keep his focus on the national team. He'd have time to talk to his boyfriend about it once he was back in Dortmund. It was probably just a made up news. As he still looked at his cellphone, there was a knock on the door. Matze came in looking for him.

"Hey, won't you join us for dinner?" The younger asked.

"I was just about to. I was just caught up reading the news." Erik stood up and joined his friend as they headed to the elevator. As they waited for it, Erik showed Matze the news about Jonas. "Have you read this? Did Jonas ever said anything to you about waiting to leave the team?"

"No, he didn't. I guess you'd be the first to know if he wanted to leave, right?"

"That's what I had thought so. But then there's this news and lets admit, even believing it's possibly made up, it doesn't sound as absurd as the one of Mario coming back."

"You know you can always call your boyfriend and ask him." Ginter said as they got into the elevator.

"I want to but I'm afraid of his answer. What if it's true? He belongs to our team. I know he's upset with the lack of playing time and that he deserves better but at the same time I can't imagine him in any other team. Or at least I don't want to imagine because the possibility of him leaving hurts."

Before Matze could say something else, the elevator stopped two floors below where Hector, Draxler and Mustafi joined them there, also heading for the hotel restaurant. Reading that news made him lose his appetite but considering he had a match on the next day, he had to eat well even if he wasn't feeling like it. The dinner time at least kept him distracted as he talked to other team mates.

Erik headed back to the room he was sharing with Mats when he saw he had received a new message from Jonas. Thankfully the older one wasn't back yet so he could have some minutes alone. He lied on his bed and read the message from his beloved one.

_'Missing you so much! Can't wait for you to get home, baby!'_

Instead of replying to it, Erik decided to call his boyfriend. He also missed Jonas but he was still a bit curious about that news and maybe he could get him to say something about it. It didn't take long until Jonas picked up the call.

"Hi, love! Just saw your message. I had to call. I wanted to hear your voice one last time before going too sleep. How are you doing?"

"I'm doing good. This last week went by awfully slow but soon you'll be back and I'm really looking forward to be with you again. What about you?"

"Me? I'm missing you a whole lot. I brought one of your shirts with me so I could keep you close somehow. I keep it near my pillow so I can breathe in your smell, it helps when I feel like missing you the most."

"Yeah because it wouldn't be weird at all your team mate walking in on you smelling another man's shirt."

"Mats is with me. He wasn't surprised when he recognized your shirt. Anyway, tomorrow it's finally match day. The coach told me he plans on starting me against Italy. Unless he changes his mind, keep your fingers crossed for me, would you?"

"Always! You don't even need to ask. I'll be here watching the match, proudly supporting my boyfirend represent the national team. I wish you good luck. But you know, you don't need much luck when you're great at what you do. You're succeeding as a result of your hard work. I'm so proud of you, dear."

"Thanks but you're exaggerating a little, don't you think?" Erik was too humble to agree with being called great. "Hopefully it'll be a better game than the last one... So, I hate this part but I gotta go sleep and get some rest for tomorrow."

"Go and have a good rest. I feel like tomorrow will be a nice day. I'll be cheering for you and later counting the minutes for your return."

"I'll be back soon. For now you can just close your eyes and remember how it feels every time I press a kiss over your heart. That's what I'd love to be doing right now."

"Those kisses always feels great. Have a good night, dear."

"You too, love." Erik replied. He expected Jonas to end the call but apparently he didn't. "Well... won't you hang up?"

"You first."

"But I don't want to. Lets hang up together then."

"Ok, three, two..."

"Hoffi, wait! There's something I wanted to ask you but not sure I if should."

"Don't ever be afraid of asking me something. You have full freedom to ask me anything you want. Go ahead."

"I read something on the news that left me curious. I know I probably shouldn't believe it, that it's probably a made up thing but I gotta ask... Jonas, did you actually requested to be put in the transfer list?" Erik cautiously asked and the fact that his boyfriend kept in silence only left him more apprehensive. "Jonas...?"

"Wow, it's on the news already... that was fast. Listen, honey, I'm sorry that you read it somewhere other than hearing from me first. It's true, today I talked to my agent and later I stopped by the team's office to go over some career options. At the monent, it doesn't mean or will change anything, ok? You have a important match tomorrow and your focus should be fully on that. When you get back we can talk about it but for now, Erik, promise me you won't waste a single minute worrying about this matter."

"How can I not..."

"Erik, just promise me."

"Ok, but you won't escape telling me about it later." Erik said as Mats came back to their shared room. "I don't want to push you but I just want to be there for you. Or is it any wrong caring for a boyfriend?"

"Baby, I love how much you care about me but right now your priority should be tomorrow's match. It's okay, Wednesday we'll be together again, you can ask me anything you want and you'll have me all for yourself."

"I like the sound of that. Be sure that I'll anxiously look forward to that. I love you!"

"Hey, don't forget to tell Jonas I love him too." Mats joked. Erik reached for a pair of socks and threw at him playfully.

The team bus arrived at Allianz Arena a little over one hour for the match to start. The players headed to the changing room in order to get settled in there. Some of them walked to the pitch afterwards to take a look around and check the stadium's atmosphere as usually the players used to do. Erik was one of them.

He and some other players were standing on the pitch near the benches, entertained in a conversation. At some point Erik looked around as the fans started to fill the grandstands. His attention was caught by a woman arriving to her seat a few rows above one of the benches. It was Sophia. Her jacket was opened and he could see she had his number 15 jersey on. He smiled and waved at her. When she noticed what he was doing she waved back at him and he saw her lips moving wishing him good luck. What Erik hadn't noticed was that Marco was watching this. The older came closer to him, putting an arm around his shoulder, making him look away from the grandstand.

"Now I know why Sophia never accepted an invitation of mine for a simple friendly dinner. She likes you." Marco spoke.

"Yep."

"And you like her..."

"I love Jonas." Erik whispered.

"But you didn't deny liking her. Oops, you're troubled. Wait, is this some kind of love triangle?"

"Are you for real right now?" Erik asked annoyed. "A love triangle? Really? Don't you have something more important to care about other than my personal life? Like your new girlfriend?"

"She's not here tonight. But you are. Poor boy, I don't know if I should envy or be sorry for you. Having both of them liking you doesn't sound like a bad thing. But then it could bring troubles. If it haven't already. Or maybe Jonas is open minded and is okay with you fancying her as long as you keep it in your imagination?"

"Actually, I don't even need to imagine it, if you know what I mean." Erik winked and smirked at Marco. "But now I have Jonas, he's the only one that matters to me. Besides, it's disrespectful to keep fantasizing about someone else when you're already in a relationship."

"But you still didn't deny liking her. Good luck with being into two people at the same time."

"It's not like that... Wait, why am I even telling you this?"

Thankfully Götze approached them so Marco would finally change the subject and let go of his personal life. Erik walked away, saw Matze making his way back to the changing room and joined his friend.

Meanwhile, on the grandstands, Sophia was on her seat listening to some music while checking her cellphone for the line ups for the match. She smiled as she got to know that Erik was starting in the right back. 'Wise choice' she whispered to herself. Beside having Erik as a friend, she also strongly believed he had a very good potential to become a great player in his position. He was still younger so there was a long road of improvements till then but his development was being impressive through that season. To see more people acknowledging that never failed to make her, as a supporter of his career, feel proud of him. Sophia was still focused on reading some news when someone took the seat on her left.

"Hi, I thought you wouldn't mind a friendly company tonight."

"Jonas! Hi!!! You've made it here!" Sophia said a little surprised and hugged Jonas. He was taken aback for her action and for a moment it felt a little awkward for both. "Gosh, forgive me, I'm used to hug people often. And I also often forget you, Germans, are more reserved when it comes to greeting people. Anyway, I'm happy you came. To be honest, I didn't think you would."

"Neither did I. It was a last minute decision. Giving I have training tomorrow, I thought it'd be polite to get permission to come. I talked to the coach and he allowed me as along as I show up in time for the training."

"What made you change your mind? When I gave you the ticket you seemed hopeless about being here tonight."

"The thought of going back to my place and spend another night alone was quite boring. And I remembered the talk we had, how friendly you were to me making me company. I thought it'd nice to return the favor. However, the main reason I'm here is Erik, no offense to you."

"You wouldn't be here if he wasn't playing tonight, that's pretty obvious. So, no offense taken. Erik is gonna love to see you here for him. He was out on the pitch ten minutes ago. Soon the players should be back for warm up."

"I hope he doesn't notice my presence till the end of the match. I don't want to get on the way of his concentration. When the match is over I'll see if I can surprise him."

"Or maybe Erik could use your presence here as extra motivation. Well, you decide what is best." Sophia said as she fixed her jacket, letting it open. Jonas noticed she had Erik's jersey on and that it had a small message that he recognized to be on Erik's handwriting.

"Did you really asked Erik for an autograph?"

"Autograph? I don't usually ask that to a friend of mine. Oh, this one... Erik gifted me this jersey for my 25th birthday. He even put some effort onto writing me a short message in Portuguese. That was very nice of him."

"What is written there?"

"Trust me, you won't want to know." Sophia joked and he looked at her annoyed. "Just kidding. It's just some good wishes. He's so adorable. Jonas, you're one hell of a lucky man. Never forget that."

"Yeah, I know. Anyway, I suppose a Happy Birthday is in order?"

"Actually, it's a few days from now but thank you! Oh, look! They are coming for warm up time."

"I'll buy something for us to eat and drink. I don't wanna risk Erik seeing me here now."

Through the whole week away from Jonas, Erik had to deal with the anxiety that was caused by missing him. But the moment Erik walked on the pitch for the warm up this anxiety disappeared all of a sudden. It was a little odd. As if Jonas were somehow near him. However, he knew Jonas was miles away, so that was probably his mind going crazy since he had been anxiously looking forward to be back in Dortmund for a long time.

The German team exchanged a lot of passes through the first half but couldn't effectively creat many chances. The Italian defense were doing a solid game and making it hard for the Germans to get past them. At least from the few changes they got, Kroos scored the first goal. They were almost going to the halfway on the lead but the Italian team managed to equalize the score. Erik wasn't satisfied with his own performance. The team played most of first half on the left side so he had barely been required. And when Italy scored he ended up left behind by the Italian winger. Erik felt like he failed and with that disappointment he joined his team mates on the way back to the dressing room.

Löw wasn't pleased either. He was almost telling the whole team off for the lack of creativity and the defensive mistakes. But it wasn't all about cristics, the coach also showed them support as he went through the tactics for the next half. Once he was done Löw let them have a few minutes to get ready for it. Erik was putting his shinpads back on its place when Matze called his attention and pointed at the dressing room's TV.

The image being shown at that moment left him bewildered. He was having issues to make sense of it. As usually in the halftime the cameras would show fans over then stadium. And when he looked up to the screen the camera was showing Jonas and Sophia who were apparently having a good laugh together about something. Erik seriously considered the possibility of him going insane. Was he daydreaming? He didn't know what was more unpredictable: Jonas actually being there when he was said to be home or that Jonas and Sophia were actually getting along well. Before he could think of anything else Löw called his attention.

"Durm, you'll have time for your girlfriend later. For now you must keep focused for rest of the match. Here is what I believe you can improve for..."

After sharing some laughs with Jonas, Sophia got her attention back at the notes she had taken through the first half. She wasn't there for work but she still liked to write and make reports about the match. She and Jonas were discussing about tactics and what the German team could possibly do to improve their performance when both teams returned for the second half.

The first thing Erik did when he walked back to the picth was to look towards where he had last seen Sophia before the match started. He had to see it himself to believe Jonas was really there. As he headed to his position, he'd be defending near the line on the benches' side, he saw Sophia and indeed, Jonas was there. He wanted smile but his surprise kind left him without reaction. Jonas noticed Erik was aware of his presence there, gave him the thumbs up and a big smile.

What better motivation could he ask for other than having his boyfriend surprising him, being there to support him? That was all he needed to leave the disappointment from the first half behind and start the second half with new a confidence.

After Löw's talk in the dressing room the team showed improvement from the start. After fifteen minutes putting Italy under pressure, Hector scored after a great assist by Draxler. Italy tried to get back on the match but Hector, Mats, Mustafi and Erik were doing better at defending, not letting the Italians create chances. By the 72nd minute Özil converted a penalty, scoring their third goal.

By the 80th minute Erik noticed Matze warming up, about to replace someone. And he knew it was probably him. So he tried to do the most of his last minutes on the pitch. He had the chance he was looking for when Müller gave him a pass as he ran down the right flank. When Erik received it he saw a glimpse of Götze running towards the middle of the box. He knew what he had to do. Erik made a cross and the younger was able to score with a header, a little unusual for him but who cares.

At first Erik celebrated his assist and the goal with the team. As he returned to his position he saw Jonas standing on his feet and clapping his hands. Erik used his hand and blew a kiss towards his boyfriend. Jonas had a hard time having to hold himself back and avoid returning the gesture. Doing it in the middle of the grandstand would look weird and very suspicious. But still Erik's gesture warmed his heart.

"Aw! How cute was that?" Sophia said. "Sometimes gestures means more than words. I don't know what goes on in a player's mind while celebrating a goal, I'd think it's probably a short break when you don't have anything specific in mind, but to see that he thinks of you in the middle of that celebration must feel great."

"It does. He's always making me feel special. That was a small gesture but those are the details that makes me fall in love over again."

"Erik is such a precious man. You don't find guys like him often. Well, when you do they're usually already taken or they like men too. Damn, life is so unfair. It's unbelievable."

As Erik predicted before, Löw made some changes and one was Gunter coming in to replace him. Erik came off satisfied with how things turned out on the second half with them playing better and leading the score by 4-1. When the match was over he rushed to the changing room to take a quick shower and put on new clothes before meeting Jonas and Sophia. He got his suitcase and was about to head back to the pitch when he got called for some interviews.

As the stadium was emptying Sophia and Jonas walked to the first row, the nearest one to the pitch. They were talking while waiting for Erik. When the blonde finally showed up, he talked to the security guy to let them come down to the pitch. Once they joined him, Erik hugged them both.

"You two have no idea how incredibly happy seeing you getting along makes me." Erik cheerfully, still hugging them. "I surely missed something out, right?"

"Long story short, we met, talked, apparently he's learning to trust me and I ended up inviting him for the match." Sophia said and got away from the hug, to let Erik and Jonas have their moment but Jonas also pulled away, to avoid becoming suspicious.

"So, you knew he'd be here and never told me anything? And I thought you were my friend."

"But I am! It was meant to be a surprise, I couldn't say anything."

"And you! You fooled me completely!" Erik said as he turned his attention to his boyfriend."You really had me believing you'd be home, lonely, missing me big time. I'm so glad you're here instead."

"I was going surprise you in the end but I figured you somehow found out about my presence in the halftime."

"This place has lots of cameras. They showed you two on TV. For a moment I thought that being away for too long was already driving me insane."

"Insane was me coming here considering I have training tomorrow morning. But I'd do it again. It's always worth when I get to be with you again."

"Hem..." Sophia cleared her throat to remind them she was still there. "As it's not my thing being a third wheel and Jonas is in good hands, I should be going home. Or if you want, my car is in the parking lot, I can give you two a ride to wherever you want to go."

"That's the thing, our flight to Dortmund leaves quite early tomorrow but I'm not sure about going back to the team hotel now that Jonas is here. Many would see him there and he wants avoid any suspicious situation."

"Yeah, but if we go to another hotel and get a room together could also be suspicious. What do we do?"

"Well, I have a big couch in my apartment. I suppose sharing one to sleep is usual for you two so If you want a place to rest..." Sophia suggested.

"Really?" Jonas and Erik asked together.

"Sure."

"You're an angel, Sophia. Thank you!" Erik said as he gave her a hug.

They walked out of the stadium chatting cheerfully, celebrating the win. Sophia drove through the city and after about 25 minutes they arrived at her place. She welcomed them in and headed for her bedroom to pick a blanket for them.

"I think you'll need this." She put the blanket over the couch. "I'm tired so I'll going to sleep now but you can make yourselves home. Have a good night!"

"Sophia, thanks for everything, the ticket you gave me an now this. I really appreciate the help." Jonas said.

"You're welcome. Now if you excuse me..." Sophia returned to her bedroom, closing the door.

Erik and Jonas were finally alone again. It felt like an eternity since the last time that happened. They both sat on the couch, facing each other. Erik reached for Jonas' hand, intertwining their fingers, as they stayed in silence for a little while just enjoying the touch of their hands. Then Erik gave a gentle kiss on his hand, making Jonas smile.

"Seeing you there for me, to support me, was beyond special. It meant so much to me. It wasn't just a friendly match, it was important to me after my disappointment for not being called in the first list. The fact that you made it here shows that you understood the importance of this match. To be honest my first half sucked, couldn't do much and I failed to stop the opponent player from scoring. I was a little hopeless for the second half. Then I saw you there and suddenly my mood changed completely. I had a very special reason to come back and play better. I suppose it wasn't easy to make it here, you could risk getting told off by the coach tomorrow, but still here you are so I knew I couldn't let you down."

"Honey, you could have played badly and still you wouldn't have let me down. Because I know what you're capable of and sometimes things just doesn't work. Today I'm proud of you. The improvement you showed from the first to the second half was impressive."

"I owe that to you. Having someone I love here to support me gave me a new motivation, and I needed that because I was upset with not being able to do my best and for a moment I thought it'd only get worse." Erik said and with his free hand he touched Jonas' face, caressing it. "Oh, love, I missed you so much. When you said a week would be a long time away from each other, I thought it was you just exaggerating it. But I figure you weren't. I'm realizing how much I'm loving you when my day doesn't feel complete when you're not around. I missed you every single day and night. I was anxiously looking forward to go back home, to you. Thanks for shortening this wait and being here right now. I can't put into words how overjoyed I'm to have you with me."

"I decided to come in the last minute and it was surely worthy. To see you dedicating your assist to me, it was amazing. To see you blowing a kiss and knowing it was just for me, you make me love you more by each day, baby."

"I know, I'm going through the same thing." Erik wanted to say something more but he wasn't resisting having Jonas so close and not doing anything. He slowly moved his head forward as his beloved one's blue eyes watched him and placed a kiss on his forehead, then on the tip of his nose and finally, finally he could delight himself on the taste of his boyfriend's lips after what felt like an eternity. It started as row of slow, found kisses that eventually became a heated one as they gave in to their passion.

"Damn, baby!" Jonas couldn't avoid making a small moan against his lover's lips. "I missed kissing you damn too much, I missed touching you, hell, I missed everything about you. We could barely talk those last few days. How are you doing?"

"I'm doing good, nothing new to tell. But as I heard you're the one with some news share, right? What is it with the transfer request? I mean, it's not a surprise that you're unsatisfied but you never said anything about actually wanting to leave."

"Maybe because it doesn't change anything as for now. It's just a process of making myself available on the transfer market for new options on the future. So far nothing changes, ok? There's no use getting worried now."

"You still haven't denied about wanting to leave."

"Erik, I came to Munich to support you and spend time with my lovely boyfriend and not to discuss troubles. We'll have time for that someday but not today, please. I bet you're tired and so am I."

"Why do I get the impression this isn't the only thing that is troubling you? Jonas, if you need to talk about anything at all you know that you can always count on me, right?"

"I never doubted that, honey. We'll talk about things, I promise. But not tonight. I just want to enjoy a little time with my boyfriend or is it too much to ask too much?"

"So, you want me? Then take this." Erik leaned forward, pushed Jonas down on the couch and used his finger to tickle his flanks and belly. At first Jonas tried to resist but ended up laughing with Erik's touches.

"Stop. Stop." Jonas said when he was almost running out of breath after struggling between laughing and trying to make him stop.

"I just wanted to hear your laugh, I missed that too." Erik lied down beside him and pulled the blanket over them. He took Jonas' lips on his again and they spent a little while playing with their tongues, teasing one another. Jonas pulled away and as they looked at each other, Erik returned to caress the brunette's face with his hand. "Thank you, love, for this night, for being here with me."

"There's no other place I'd rather be now." Jonas turned his face slightly so he could kiss the palm of Erik's hand. "I may say this a lot but it's always from the bottom of my heart: I love you!"

"A lot it's never too much in this case. Just never stop saying this because I won't ever get tired of saying I love you too."

For who thought this would be another lonely night, away from each other, this night was ending much better than they could've imagined, sleeping peacefully next to each other. They should make the most of it, after all, they could never know until when this peacefulness would last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Thoughts? Comments and kudos are always important and welcomed.


	54. "Your love takes me to paradise"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jonas shows Erik all his love.
> 
> Phew!!!! Just finished this chapter. Sorry it tool even longer than usual. I ran out of motivation to write for a whole week. See, how feedback is always important?... In case anything is misspelled, I'll check later.
> 
> So this chapter has explicit content...  
> Hope you like it.
> 
> Songs that inspired me while writing this:
> 
> \- Ship to werck - acoustic version by Rhodes  
> \- Powerful - Major Laser / Ellie Goulding

Chapter 54 - Your love takes me to paradise

After landing back in Dortmund, Jonas and Erik headed straight to the training ground. Jonas was scheduled to do some gym work in the morning and take part in the team training in the afternoon. Erik had only a regeneration session in the afternoon after playing almost 90 minutes on the night before. Yet, he decided to go with his boyfriend and stay with him until they could go home together.

Jonas put his training kit on and started his gym session along others team mates. Erik made them company, in between chatting with them and encouraging Jonas through his work out exercises. Not that he needed it, Jonas always had a good disposition for work out in the morning, but simply because Erik wanted to stay there with him. The brunette didn't say anything but Erik could see he appreciated it.

By early morning Jonas had thought his only worry on that day was making it in time for the morning training. Which he did so he thought he was free of worries, at least for that day. However, on the break after lunch, Erik was talking to Bürki who had just got back from his national team's duties, so Jonas took time to check on his cellphone for news, take a look on random things and pictures from last night's match.

He smiled when he saw someone took a picture of Erik blowing a kiss to him. He didn't hesitated and saved it right away. His boyfriend had such a happy expression upon his face and Jonas could swear he could see Erik's eyes sparkling, even if it was out of a picture. Jonas saw there were also pictures of himself and Sophia on the grandstand. He couldn't help but to read some of the comments below them. Most of them assuming Sophia was Erik's new girlfriend. The fact that she had his jersey on seemed like a concrete proof to some, they even thought Erik blew a kiss to her. And in the middle of that people seemed confused as to why he was there was well.

In another time all of that would have bothered him, made him go through another jealousy crisis but he realized that he just didn't mind. Of course he didn't like that but he couldn't say the truth, after all, it was his choice to keep hidding their relationship. Until this could change, he'd have to handle well those wrong assumptions. Actually, maybe it wasn't of all bad. As long as they assummed/discussed Sophia being Erik's girlfriend, they wouldn't suspect about the real truth, about Erik and him. Jonas then remembered Erik once mentioned Sophia hated to be the center of attention. He messaged her asking if she had seen those things and if she was ok with that. He got a reply a few minutes later.

_'Hi. I hope you're not worring too much about those comments. If anything they're making me laugh. Just relax and have a good laugh at it. At least I had with their creativity for making bad assumptions. Anyway, have a nice day!'_

If Sophia couldn't care less about people saying things then why should him? No matter what people would say, by the end of the day Erik would be with him and that's what really mattered. To let himself be affected by what was being speculated was a retrocession to their relationship. So, this time he didn't mind at all their assumptions. He texted Sophia wishing her a good day back, turned his phone off and got himself ready for training.

After training Jonas and Erik joined Bürki, Matze and Julian for dinner as they had planned earlier in between the training sessions. As always they had a good time chatting to their friends but deep inside Jonas couldn't wait to be finally home with his boyfriend. When it was time to go, Julian offered Erik a ride home once the blonde had left his car home before flying to Munich the week before. Jonas had to come up with an excuse to be the one to take Erik home since the younger didn't know about them yet.

Erik walked in his house pulling his suitcase leaving Jonas to lock the door. He then left his suitcase aside and took Jonas aback with a kiss. Without breaking the kiss Jonas lifted Erik off the ground, carrying him on his lap until the kitchen's center counter where Erik sat on the edge as Jonas still stood on his feet as they exchanged a few more kisses.

"Are we really in my place?" Erik asked as he looked around after they pulled away. "It seems so... organized."

"I took the liberty to rearrange some things and do some cleaning while you were away."

"Oh, thanks. You just make me sound like a sloppy person who leaves his own place looking a mess and dirty."

"That's not what I said. It wasn't bad, it just needed some things done. I had some free time and you said I could make some changes so since you're busy man, I took care of it."

"Well, either I'm at BVB or the national team suddenly requests me or I spend time pleasing my beloved boyfriend. Lately I'm not having much time left for cleaning but I appreciate the help."

"Instead of you coming back home tired and still having to worry about your place, I saved us some time. Now we get to have a good time for ourselves." Jonas kissed him again. "Just so you know, you now own a basket backboard on your backyard."

"You bought us one? Nice!"

"You said you wanted this place to have a bit of what I like, so I placed one there so we can play sometimes."

"That's perfect! I loved that. Can we go outside play a little basketball now?

"Another time, maybe? I kinda have better plans for us."

"Is that so? Why don't you tell me about it?"

"I rather show you, baby."

Jonas pushed him gently back making Erik lie down over the counter, climbing afterwards to stay on top of his boyfriend. Jonas got rid of his boyfriend's shirt and out of his own shirt as well. Erik took a deep breath as his back touched the cold surface of the counter but soon Jonas' mouth was making him feel warm again. Jonas kissed him slowly, enjoying the touch of their lips, nibbling at Erik's lower lip a couple times. The more they engaged at their kisses, the more they wanted. They started to move their hips, pressing their crotches together, starting to get in the mood.

When Erik could look in his lover's eyes again, those blue eyes were already filled with arousal. That stimulated his own arousal. He kissed Jonas again and put his arm around him, pressing their bodies together. Erik did some thrusts movements that made Jonas let out smalls moans in between the kisses. Erik them moved his hands in order to open Jonas' jeans but the brunette stopped him and got down from the counter, standing on the floor again. Erik was about to complain, asking why he was backing off.

"Take off your clothes for me, baby. "Jonas said in a seductive voice. "I'll be right back." As Jonas rushed to that floor's bathroom, Erik stood on his feet again and got rid of his shoes and pants. He was about to take off his boxers when his boyfriend came back, also only on his boxers, and placed some condoms packs over the counter. "I bought these for us as well."

Erik ignored the condoms and kept his focus on Jonas, kissing him eagerly as he felt Jonas placing his arms around his neck. They had kissed uncountable times by now but each new kiss seemed to be better than the previous one. The more they kissed, the more they knew what the other liked more. They alternated between tender/passionated and neeedy/rough kisses, between enjoying the simple touch of their lips to going for it with all their desire as they also enjoyed the closeness of their bodies. Erik broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against Jonas' as he also entangled their fingers.

"Jonas, make love to me. I want you so, so bad."

"I will, baby."

"What?" Erik took a step back to look at him. He was used to Jonas turning him down that his answer surprised him. "I can't believe what I just heard. You'll have to tell me again."

"You want me to make love to you then I will make love to you. This night it's gonna be all for you."

"What finally made you change your mind?"

"You want it, I want it. If you feel ready for that then let's give it a try. But honestly, I'm a bit nervous about being your first."

"Consider yourself lucky." Erik joked. "You're the first and only man that I'll ever allow such intimacy. You don't need to feel nervous about it. I just want you to love me, that's enough for me."

"I think we should start with a bath. Getting your body relaxed should be a good first step. I'll fill the bathtub. Bring the condoms when you come upstairs."

"The condoms? I thought we were past that phase."

"It's your first time. I'll be extra careful about it, so I'll do anything to make it more comfortable for you. I'm not taking any risks."

Erik leaned back against the counter still hardly believing what was about to happen. He waited a long time for this day to come and now he suddenly felt like he had butterflies in his stomach. Then his mind started to imagine what Jonas would do to him, how it would all probably feel and that sent a shiver down his spine. He figured he was wasting time and decided to join his boyfriend. He switched off the lights and went upstairs.

His plans was to walk into his room and go straight to the bathroom but as soon as he stepped into the bedroom something new caught his attention. On the wall, above the headboard of his bed, there was a big frame with a picture of the two of them. One they had taken some time ago where Erik was sitting on the edge of his bed and Jonas was behind him, with his arms around Erik. Both of them with broad smiles upon their faces, irradiating happiness. It was one of his favorite pictures of them. When he finally looked away from their own smiles he noticed there was a quote written on the bottom.

 _'Today I love you more than I loved you yesterday and I know that tomorrow I'll love you more than I do today_ '

"I guess you liked my little surprise." Jonas said when he saw Erik admiring their picture on the wall.

"I loved it! This picture of us is simply so beautiful. This quote seems familiar to me."

"Well, it should be. You said that about me to my parents. That stuck to me and I never forgot your words."

"I meant every single one of them."

"I know you did, I'd never question that." Jonas said and they stayed in silence for some seconds, looking at their picture. "You know, as I hang it up on the wall, I caught myself staring at it for a moment and it felt like I was someone else looking at the picture of a random couple and I just couldn't stop thinking how beautiful it is. It's so evident that they're deeply in love. These smiles, they express a lot more than some words put together. I was in love with this picture of the random couple. Then I remembered that this couple was actually us. It only makes it a thousand times more special."

"We look really good together. I could stare at this picture forever."

"Maybe you can do it another day. Tonight we'll be quite busy for that. The bathtub is ready. Come with me, honey." Jonas reached for his hand and pulled him along. "Oh, just don't let anyone who doesn't know about us in your room and our secret will be safe."

"This is 'our' room and you're the only one I'm letting in here so our secret will remain safe."

They undressed their boxers and Jonas got inside the bathtub first. He sat down and told Erik to sit in front of him with his back to him. Erik did as he was told, enjoying the warm water. He felt Jonas kiss and put his hands on his shoulders afterwards.

"Am I getting special treatment tonight?" Erik asked right after Jonas started massaging his shoulders.

"The best. Or at least I'll try my best. For now I want to start by getting you fully relaxed, it should help avoid you getting tensed up or nervous. Ever since your first said you wanted me to take you, I thought about it some times. I kept planing ways to get your ready for that, making plans on how I should do it. Well, here we are and I'm a little insecure to be honest."

"Following a plan would be the last thing I'd do. Don't think too much, just let it happen naturally. It'll be more enjoyable for both of us. Hold on to your feelings and forget all the rest. I'm ready for you to make me yours, love. What about you? Are you ready? I don't want you to feel pushed to do anything if you're not ready to."

"I'm more than ready. I just needed to be sure that you are as well. Hopefully, I won't disappoint you."

"No matter what happens, you won't. You have absolutely nothing to be insecure about. You're perfect in all kind of ways and I really want you right now."

Erik leaned back and turned his head to the left to kiss his boyfriend. As they kissed Jonas put his arms around him and let his hands wander slowly from Erik's chest to downwards his abs and back a few times. Using his right hand he reached underwater and held Erik's cock in his hand. The blonde broke the kiss just to watch Jonas' hand caressing and stroking him with light touches.

For the next minutes Erik closed his eyes and let his body feel each time more at easy under Jonas' touches. Enjoying every touch, from the massage on his shoulders to the way his fingers ran softly over his skin as Jonas let them wander over his chest and lower, sometimes making his skin tickle as if he had been using a feather.

When Jonas judged that Erik's body had started to loose the tension, he stood up helping his boyfriend to do the same. They dried up themselves as the bathtub was getting emptied. Once done, Jonas held Erik's hand pulling him to the bedroom. The brunette was almost reaching the bed when Erik pushed him back to him, locking lips with him.

Erik licked Jonas' bottom lip until the brunette parted them allowing him to slip his tongue in between them. As they played with their tongues Erik reached in between their bodies to grab both of their cocks and started to stroke them together. Jonas let out a small moan at how good it felt. He put his arms around Erik, at first held on to his back but later his hands wandered down and he grabbed Erik's ass. As he kneaded his butt cheeks Erik sped up the pace of his strokes, feeling both of their cocks getting hard under his hands.

At some point they needed to interrupt their kisses to catch their breaths and Erik also stopped with the strokes. In that moment they were just appreciating their closeness, the sound of their slightly heavy breathing, foreheads pressed together. When Erik opened his eyes he saw Jonas' eyes fixed on his lips. Just to tease him a little Erik bit his own bottom lip, running his tongue over it afterwards. Their eyes met again and they genuinely smiled at one another.

Erik took advantage that Jonas seemed temporarily distracted and pushed him against the wall, using his hands to pin his wrists above his head. He gave Jonas one last kiss before heading downwards. Erik gave a quick kiss on his chin and then reached his target: Jonas' neck. Still pinning his arms, Erik dedicated some good time on kissing and sucking the skin of his neck. He knew how much Jonas loved whenever he did that. It was becoming hard for Jonas to resist, he tried to get his arms free but Erik kept pinning them and this time he pressed their bodies together as he took the brunette's earlobe between his lips, tugging at it gently.

"You're driving me crazy, baby." Jonas said when Erik gave him a break from his caresses.

"Already? But I have barely started. Poor boy." Erik kissed him once again and when Jonas could see his face again, the blonde had a smirk on his lips. "If you only knew what I'm about to do."

"Baby...?"

With one last kiss, Erik moved his hand to grab Jonas' cock and started to stroke it again, feeling him hardening. Jonas closed his eyes as his boyfriend kept pumping him so he never saw coming what Erik did next. Seeing how Jonas was surrendering to his touches, Erik took the opportunity that Jonas wasn't looking and dropped to his knees in front of him. Holding his cock by its base Erik pressed his tongue and licked along his shaft till the head. Jonas' eyes flew open with the new feeling. The first thing he saw was Erik licking him and that was quite a turn on.

"What are you doing?" Jonas asked.

"Trying to get you off, if you haven't noticed." Erik replied a bit sarcastically.

"But I'm taking you tonight. I should be getting you ready."

"So? I want to pleasure my boyfriend as well. Do you think I'll waste my chance? No way, handsome."

"This night is all about pleasing you, not me."

"No, this night is about us, about our love. Besides, I'm not selfish, I surely don't mind sharing the pleasure, sweetheart."

Before Jonas could say something else, Erik gave a gentle kiss on the tip of his dick, running his tongue over his shaft a few more times. When he felt ready, he took the next step. Erik grabbed his balls, massaging it while he opened his mouth taking Jonas' length in slowly. As he had never fully done it before, it was a bit clumsy at first. A few tries later, with Jonas' help, he got the hang of it.

Erik let his lips slip down Jonas' lengh, coating him with his saliva and again using his tongue to caress him. When he felt ready he started to bob his head along his shaft, sucking him. The more he felt comfortable doing it, the deeper he took him. But to avoid choking Erik didn't take all of him. Which for a first time, the brunette didn't mind. Actually, Jonas was more then enjoying to be wrapped in the warmth of his mouth, covered with his saliva while being pleasantly sucked. Not to mention how arousing it was the view he had of his own dick disappearing in between Erik's gorgeous lips.

"So good, baby. So damn good. It looks so hot you sucking me." Jonas said and that earning him one of Erik's most charming smiles that he loved so much.

Erik then turned his attention back to Jonas' throbbing cock, letting his boyfriend's cock slip in and out of his lips in faster movements and sucking him a bit harder then before making Jonas moan louder. Hearing Jonas' expressing his pleasure made a wave of arousal hit his whole body. That motivated him to keep going with sucking his loved one, trying to take him deeper. After a few more times taking him on his mouth Erik needed to take a break since his jaw was getting sore. He decided to use his tongue again, this time circling it around the head lazily while making eye contact with Jonas. The brunette felt his whole body start to squirm and tingle as his legs got weaker. It made him involuntarily thrust a couple times into his lover's mouth. Afraid he'd make Erik gag or choke, he patted at his shoulder.

"Stop. I'm dangerously close to come. For someone who had never done it, you're oddly good at it."

"I remembered the times you did this to me, how good it felt and just did the same. As to make you come right now, what is the problem? You're a young man, I bet you can get off twice or three times if you want to."

"Do you want me at my best for your first time bottoming?" Jonas asked as he helped Erik stand up. "Or do you want me exhausted by the time we get there?"

"I want you. Not matter how, I just want you to make me yours once for all."

"You already are."

"You know pretty well what I meant."

"Hell yeah, I do." Jonas took Erik's lips on his again, this time letting his tongue explore his beloved's mouth. The fact that he could trace the salty taste of his own precum on Erik's lips was an additional turn on for him. "I'll try to make your first time comfortable, the least. But I'll need you to follow whatever I might ask you to do, ok?"

"Anything you want."

"I'll pick some things but you can go ahead and lay down on the bed. On your stomach." Jonas said but Erik looked at him a bit insecure. "What? You think I'll take you from behind on your first time? That would be gross. Just lie on your stomach and relax. You'll like it."

Erik did as he was told and lied down on his stomach, propping himself on his elbows, leaving his back slightly arched. He had no idea why Jonas wanted him to stay that way but coming from his boyfriend, he must be planning something good and that kept him from having any worry. Jonas waked back bringing the lube, which he put along the condoms, and, for Erik's surprise, a blindfold.

"Wow... I wasn't expecting that."

"I know I could simply ask you to close your eyes and that you'd keep them closed. But the idea of having you blindfolded is quite sexy."

"I want to watch you taking me."

"And you will, baby. The blindfold is just for now while I explore your body to get you read for me. Leaving you without knowing what I'm gonna do next kinda turns me on."

"You enjoy teasing me, don't you?

"You have no idea." Jonas then helped Erik putting the blindfold on. "This should be fun. However, if at any moment you feel uncomfortable with it you can take it off."

"Ok." Erik replied, anxiously waiting for what he'd do. Since he couldn't see anything he paid attention to sounds around him. But some seconds later and it was all still quiet. He moved the blindfold up to see what Jonas was doing. The brunette was standing naked, his dick fully erected, just staring at him lying there. "Are you going to keep looking at me with that much lust in your eyes, rock hard and do nothing about it?"

"If you knew how fucking hot you look right now, lying all naked on the bed, waiting for me, you'd understand. Such beautiful view should be appreciated."

"You can also appreciate it by taking me. C'mom, Jonas. You've made me wait for too long already. I need you. I want you right now, my love."

Erik put the blindfold back as Jonas sat beside him on the bed. The first thing he felt was Jonas' hands on his back. From there the brunette let his hands move to the back of his neck, brushing his finger up and down his neck. His light touches gave him goosebumps right away. Erik was enjoying it when he felt his warm breath against his skin. Jonas gave small kisses all over his neck, making Erik smile. He couldn't see it due to the blindfold but that allowed him to focus more on how the light touches and kisses felt. And boy, it felt good. Erik felt Jonas' hand reach for his chin and turn his face to the side, bringing their lips together for another kiss with some wetness and lots of tongues' play.

Jonas moved away as Erik cursed the loss of contact between their lips. The brunette put his body on top of Erik's, leaning down to kiss the back of his neck again. But this time Jonas gave a trail of kisses from his neck down his arched back in a straight line until the small of his back. He repeated by dropping soft kisses down every inch of his spine. Erik was beyond loving the feeling of his wet lips against his skin, all over his back. Then he felt Jonas' tongue running over his skin, stopping on his shoulder where the brunette sucked and bit at the skin. Erik let out soft moans whenever he felt Jonas' cock brush against his ass.

Erik wanted to watch what Jonas was doing to him but he couldn't deny that only being able to just feel it was giving him more pleasure than he expected it to. Jonas stood up quickly to get the lube and sat back beside him. Erik felt his boyfriend's hands grab his butt cheeks and at first it was a bit odd, having someone touching him there but as Jonas gave a few gentle squeezes and massaged his butt he started to get used to the touches and like them. Suddenly, Jonas took his hands away and Erik started to wonder what he was up to. When he least expected he felt a hard slap on his ass making him groan at the sudden pain.

"Hey! What the hell was that?" Erik asked as he took off the blindfold and looked back at Jonas.

"I'm sorry. I just couldn't help it. Your ass looks so perfect, I had to do it."

"You could have at least warned me first."

"What would have been the fun if I had? Anyway, I'll start using my fingers to stretch you now. Are you sure you want to go ahead with it?"

"That's what I want the most right now. Jonas, you've been truly awesome so far, getting me comfortable and relaxed. But I want more. I want to know how it feels to have our bodies connected as we make love. Please, make me yours, sweetheart. I can't wait any longer."

"Horny to have my dick fucking your hot ass, hum? That's what you'll get. Place your head on the pillow, arch your back and get your ass up in the air, baby." Jonas asked and Erik obliged. Maybe it wasn't exactly a comfortable position for the blonde but for Jonas, seeing Erik completely exposed, willing to give himself for him was another thing that increased his arousal. Yes, the view was very arousing but so was the trust Erik was putting on him,

Jonas sat back on his haunches behind Erik, having full access to his ass. He started by kneading his butt cheeks in order to help him get rid of any tension he might still be feeling. The brunette then reached for the lube, spreading some on his fingers and adding more around Erik's hole, making circling motions with his finger around him, spreading the lube making it slippery, teasing the opening, making it twitch.

With his forehead pressed against the pillow Erik couldn't see what Jonas was up to, but he could feel. He felt he cool lube on his skin as Jonas' ran his finger up and down the crack between his cheeks, eventually rubbing and caressing his sphincter. At first Erik had to resist against tensing up under his touches. Since it was a new experience to be touched there, it was a little sensitive area but it didn't take long for him to get used to Jonas touches.

After some more rubbing Jonas put his finger over his puckered hole, pressuring it lightly. Slowly he manages to insert his finger inside the tight hole making Erik suck in the air at having something entering his core. Jonas started to twist and hook his digit in him. It's a little strange at first but definetly not bad. Erik decided to surrender to his lover's touches and enjoy it. If anything ever bothered him, he knew Jonas would stop if asked to.

Jonas pushed and pulled his finger a few more times and slid it out. Putting more lube on his hand, he pressed two fingers against his beloved's hole and once inside Jonas moved them in order to stretch him more. With time he could add the third finger making Erik squirm slightly. There was an initial discomfort with so many fingers inside him but nothing that took away his anticipation about what was coming.

With the fourth finger, Erik felt he was near being streched to his limits. Jonas let his fingers slide in and out of Erik's newly loosened up puckered hole. Erik sighed when Jonas took his fingers out but what came next took his breath away. The brunette took a quick break to clean his fingers in a hand towel he had left nearby. Since Erik couldn't see it he still thought Jonas would get back to using his fingers. Jonas indeed got back to tease his hole but not with his fingers. When Erik realized what Jonas was using he cursed, letting a loud 'Fuck!' escape his lips.

With his hands Jonas parted his cheeks and Erik first felt his hot breath tickling his exposed ass, following he felt Jonas' wet tongue sliding up and down his crack, giving soft licks around his stretched anal ring making Erik strangle a moan of need and shiver as if he was going through a small seizure caused by the amount of pleasure running over his body. Having Jonas' tongue bathing him down there was too much for him. He spilled some drops of his precum on the bed sheets, feeling his body trembling and ended up collapsing on the mattress. He was trying to get his breathing pace back to normal as Jonas leaned down to whisper on his ear.

"Too much? I'm not sorry for that. You have a sweet virgin asshole, baby. I could eat you out for some good minutes if I wanted... Today, however, all I want is to take you, to watch this sexy ass of yours swalling my hard, thick dick."

"Oh, God, I'm done! I can't... You just finished me." It was all Erik could say. He felt momentarily weak even if he hadn't come yet.

"Oh, what a pity." Jonas pretended to whine. "I had better plans. Well, it seems I'm gonna have to jerk off on the bathroom then." He started to crawl his way out of the bed when Erik seemed to have found his strength again and pulled him back by the ankle. Erik captured his lips, kissing him longingly.

"Nope, you're not escaping owning my body tonight. I want you inside me now, I want to feel your impressive dick, every inch of it." Erik licked his lip as he looked to his lover's cock, that was still standing erect. Jonas took the distraction and pulled him to lie on his back.

"Spread your legs for me, baby." Jonas voice sounded a bit hoarse and that simple request turned him on more. He did as told and exposed himself to his boyfriend again. Jonas positioned in between his legs as he reached for a condom, ripping its pack with his teeth. When Erik looked at his face again, Jonas was taking deep breaths.

"You're more nervous that I'm myself, aren't you?"

"Honestly, I'm a bit afraid of your first time ending up disappointing, that you might not like the experience or that I might fail making you enjoy it. Are you sure you want to go ahead with it?"

"Jonas, I've said uncountable times already." Erik started as held the brunette's chin, looking straight in his eyes. "I wouldn't say this if I didn't feel ready for it. I wouldn't lie to you. I want to surrender to your love, to give you my body for you to make love to me. I trust you. I know you'd never hurt me, I know you'll take good care of me. I have no fears, love. It doesn't have to be perfect, I just want it to be real."

"But you'll have to promise me something."

"Whatever you want."

"If it ever bothers you, hurts you, make you feel uncomfortable or if the act itself unpleases you, don't hesitate asking me to stop. If you need to stop, I'll stop no matter how far we might be into it. I want to pleasure you, not cause you pain. So, promise me you'll tell me if anything unsettles you, ok?"

"I will, I promise."

Jonas kissed Erik and while he did that he felt the blonde's fingers rolling the condom down on his fully erected shaft. Jonas pushed him back and spread more lube around his lovers hole and some more on his cock, making sure it was very slippery. He held his cock and rubbed the head between Erik's butt, sliding up and down teasing him a bit more. Erik spread his arms on the bed, grabbing the sheets getting ready for what was coming, breathing quickly in anticipation.

Jonas rested the head of his cock against Erik's loosened up rim, gradually increasing the pressure against it. As Erik felt Jonas start pushing against his virgin hole, he involuntarily clenched his muscle. It was like his body was trying to defend itself from the intrusion. Jonas tried again, putting more pressure against it but still faced some resistance.

"Don't fight me, baby. Relax, take some deep breaths and open up that sweet asshole of yours." Jonas said. He offered his left hand for Erik's to hold and Erik took it. Squeezing it the more Jonas pushed against him.

Jonas then pressed his dick more firmly against Erik's hole and all of the sudden the head of his cock popped in making both moan together. Jonas for finally breaking through it and Erik moaned and winced at sudden intrusion. Jonas felt Erik squeezing his hand hard and got worried.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, it's just feels weird having something inside my ass,"

"Did I hurt you?"

"It's okay. It's just like a sting pain. It's not bad, it's matter of time until I get used to it. Keep going."

Erik felt Jonas easing in carefully, inch by inch, stretching his walls. He took some deep breaths as he felt his cock sliding in and almost out of his core. The initial discomfort he had felt was soon replaced by a hot wave of pleasure at the continuous stretching. He could never imagine that being filled up felt that good. As deeper as Jonas got, Erik started to clench around him, making the brunette moan.

"So tight, baby. So perfect. You're so deliciously tight. Look at how your sweet rosebud takes all of me. Dear God, this is so sexy."

When his pelvis was against Erik's ass, Jonas stalled completely, giving the blonde time to adjust to him. The view he had of Erik sprawled on the bed, eyes closed, chest going up and down with his breathing, lips curved in a smile as he gave him his body, was the best view he ever had. He put his hands on Erik's thighs, stroking them. Jonas then had one idea and pulled out making Erik whine at the loss.

"What...?"

"Get on top of me and ride me, honey."

"Really?"

"Do it. It's gonna be more comfortable for you as you can control the pace and depth of my trusts into what suits you better."

No need to say twice. They reversed positions, Jonas lied down with his head against the bed's headboard. Erik didn't waste time and straddled his boyfriend's hips. Holding the base of his cock, Erik let himself be impaled by his hard length. Jonas bit his bottom lip as he watched Erik's sinking down on him, eyes full of lust.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." Erik cursed quietly the deeper Jonas' imposing dick filled him, taking him to the hilt.

When he felt comfortable, Erik moved his hips in circling motions, feeling his dick throbbing inside him. Jonas gripped his hips, pressing him down on him, enjoying the friction. Erik put his hands on Jonas chest as he started moving up and down as the brunette's dick impaled him. Slowly at first, until that slight burning sting faded away, and then gradually quickening the pace.

Jonas felt Erik pinching his hard nipples while riding him. He switched between letting his cock slid into him gently and sometimes more powerfully. Whenever his dick was about to pop out, Erik would tighten around the head of his cock, getting a loud moan of Jonas as the brunette felt himself getting more sensitive.

The lube helped to make the thrusts a lot easier so Erik rode him for some minutes, as they both enjoyed at each wave of pleasure that erupted within their bodies. As good as it felt having Jonas cock moving inside him, Erik had to take a break, his heart pounding in his chest.

Erik leaned down, held Jonas' face between his hands and kissed him with all the burning love he was feeling at the moment. Putting all his lust, his need, his fondness into it, devouring his lips. Jonas simply let himself be taken by his lover's insane kisses.

And while at it, Jonas took advantage of his boyfriend's distraction and started to thrust his hips upwards, enjoying the closeness of his wall around him, mixing between shallow and deep thrusts while Erik moaned against his lips.

"How much are you liking having me buried deep inside your gorgeous ass?" Jonas asked, their faces only inches away

"I'm loving it."

"You're loving it deep in you, aren't you?

"Yes. Too damn good."

"Do you want more?"

"YES!"

Jonas used all the strength he could gather and rolled them around, staying on top of his lover. The brunette patted on his thighs and Erik understood right away, wrapping his legs around his waist. Jonas searched for a new angle and settled for it. He moved his hips with more purpose, with firm thrusts, working his way to hit Erik's sweet spot.

Jonas pulled almost out, very slowly to enjoy every inch of Erik's hole he could and when Erik thought he would pull away, Jonas slammed back in. Erik groaned loudly at such unexpected change. Jonas repeated the thrustes a couple more time. Pulling slowly out only to slam back again. After one of these thrusts Erik screamed his name as Jonas hit straight on his prostate. That sent a stronger wave of pleasure through Erik's whole body, almost making him shoot his load.

Jonas started to pound into him with hard thrusts, driving into him balls deep, feeling and hearing he sounds of their bodies smacking. Erik felt drops of Jonas' sweat falling on his abs. Jonas kept thrusting mercelessly against his spot, driving him crazy. The energy of his thrusts taking him into new heights that he never thought possible.

"Fuck! Don't stop, sweetheart. Damn!!! Oh, fuck me! Take me harder, deeper."

With that request Jonas curled his fingers around Erik's leaking cock and started to pump it with fast strokes. At the same time he slammed his pelvis against Erik's ass, pounding into him.

They moved together as one being, holding tight, moaning, clinging to each other, gasping, crying louder with their approaching climax. They both let their bodies be consumed by pure pleasure.

Erik dug his nails on the skin of Jonas' ass as if trying to pull him even deeper than possible. His legs spasmed as his whole body shook. He couldn't hold back anymore. He clenched tight around his lover's cock, curling his toes and arching his back as he surrendered to his pleasure and spilled out waves of his creamy load between Jonas' fingers and his own stomach as he cried out his lover's name over and over.

Jonas managed to thrust a few more times before giving himself to his pleasure as well. His whole body went limp as he emptied his seed in the condom after a huge wave of ecstasy shook his body from head to toe. Following, he pulled out his cock and leaned down to lick every bit of Erik's cum from his skin. He kissed his boyfriend making Erik taste his own juice from his lips and tongue.

Jonas placed gentle kisses at the edge of Erik's mouth and took a moment to look at Erik's eyes. He could see his green eyes shining in pure bliss. Jonas felt proud of himself, that he could satisfy his lover in every possible way.

"So.... How was it?" Jonas asked when he recovered his normal breathing.

"I'm in paradise. Your love took me to paradise. It was much better than any expectation. Thank you, my love. For sharing such incredible night, for loving me the way you do. I'm totally overwhelmed."

"Thank you for putting all your trust in me so I could make love to you, to give you my best. I love you, baby."

"Love you, too." Erik replied and kissed him with all his passion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? Thoughts? Do you like it? Let me know. Kudos and comments are highly appreciated and welcomed. It helps me keep going.


	55. "Secrets don't last forever"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things goes sideways when the boys least expect.
> 
> Every time I try writing a shorter chapter, it ends up with 6k words. I hope you don't mind long chapters.
> 
> Hope you like it. Let me know thoughts. I love reading them.

Chapter 55 - Secrets don't last forever

The team focus was on the next match against Werder Bremen on Saturday. Meanwhile, Erik was still feeling on heaven with the way Jonas took care of him, how much thought he put into making his first time pleasurable, how he made love to him. Erik had been waiting for that night for months and had tried to picture many times in his mind how this night could go. But he never had imagined that his first time would have been that good. He thought he'd get nevours, that it could get awkward at some point and even that maybe he wouldn't be able to handle it and end up having to stop midway the intercourse, making it an embarrassing situation.

However, Erik felt completely at ease with him. At first he had been a little worried of the discomfort and the possible pain. Initially he went through both but nothing that really bothered him. He felt a bit of pain but never the hurt Jonas was so afraid to cause him. His boyfriend had left him comfortable enough to get rid of any worries and fully appreciate the moment. He gave himself to Jonas and the brunette took him through many waves of intensive pleasure. It had been incredible and Erik made sure to let Jonas know that before they fell asleep.

In the morning after, while Jonas drove them to the training ground, Erik noticed his boyfriend unusually quiet. Taking a better look at him, it seemed that his cheek was red flushed. For a moment Erik wondered if he was imagining things but he had to know what was up. He took the chance when Jonas stopped at a traffic light.

"Hoffi, you're oddly quiet. And blushing...?"

"I was just remembering the amount of dirty things I said last night, I may have exaggerated it. I'm a little embarrassed now."

"You're adorable, sweetheart. Getting all shy now after being quite naughty some hours ago. Please, don't feel embarrassed. I loved your dirty talk. Does it make you feel better if I say that I never felt so aroused before?"

"You're saying this to please me."

"No, I'm telling the truth. The dirty talk was such a turn on. Never, ever be sorry for talking dirty stuff while taking me through such pleasurable and passionated night. Everything about it was powerful, yours kisses, touches, the way you loved me. I'm not sorry for surrending completely to you, letting you get me the most aroused I have ever been. Or for losing control screaming your name many times as you made love to me. It was fun. No need to feel embarrassed. Not with me. Obviously, your secret naughty side will stay between us. I'm not an idiot, I won't go telling people how awesome you're with stimulating your partner. No one will ever know that."

"No one?"

"No. Just me. You're mine, love. Only mine. And you'll have to keep up with me being yours as well."

"Guess I can't complain about that." Jonas said, giving him a quick kiss and then turning his attention back to driving.

The final training for the match against Werder Bremen took place on Friday afternoon. Erik and Jonas were put in opposite sides for the team training. At some point Jonas managed to dribble him and score. Erik didn't like whenever a player managed to get past him but in this case how was he supposed to be mad at Jonas? He saw his boyfriend smiling joyfully for the goal he had scored. And when Jonas walked past him, the brunette stuck his tongue out for him playfully, Erik rolled his eyes but couldn't help a small smile appear on corner of his lips.

Near the end of the match training the score was 2-2. The reserves were taking the control, trying to score again in the last minutes. Erik was determinated on not failing again so when Jonas received the ball and started running towards him Erik surrounded him to take the ball away. But he got to the brunette a bit late and ended up stepping a bit harshly on Jonas' right ankle.

The groan of pain that Jonas let out as he fell on the ground sent a cold shiver down Erik's body. He had injured his boyfriend. He cursed at himself for that. As the medical staff was called in, they players took a break to drink water. Some came to check on Jonas as Erik squatted beside his lover, forgetting about everyone around them, he held his boyfriend hand and kept repeating 'I'm so sorry.'

That training session was over for Jonas as he was helped to go back to the building to get better treatment. Erik watched in desolation as Jonas was taken away. Jonas was already frustrated lately with not being able to play often, now an injury would only make things worse for him. Erik felt even worse for being the one that hurt him, he felt like punching himself for that. Schmelzer had to give him a gentle push to guide Erik back to his position.

When the training was over Erik rushed to the medical treatment room, instead of heading for the changing room. He found his boyfriend lying in one of the treatment couches, his ankle wrapped by an ice pack. Jonas wasn't alone, there were a few people from the medical staff as well, talking in between them. Erik walked to Jonas' side as the others didn't seem to mind him being there.

"Hey, how are you doing?"

"I'm good. It was just a scare, nothing serious."

"I'm so sorry, love. I'm feeling really awful right now. I didn't mean to step on your foot, the last thing I'd do is to hurt you. I know you've been..." Erik was speaking quite fast and Jonas had to interrupt him. This time he reached for Erik's hand, not minding that they could be seen.

"Erik, calm down. My ankle is just swollen, it should be better in time for tomorrow's match. And it's okay, I know it wasn't intentional. It happens, football can be dangerous sometimes, it could happen with anyone."

"Aren't you mad at me?"

"Why would I be? It's no big deal, I just got treatment for it and the pain is almost gone."

"You're just trying to make me feel better."

"If you want to ask the team's doctor he'll confirm it. It just got swollen by the knock. It's not sprained or anything."

"I promise I'll make up for that later. Your place or mine tonight?"

"Mine and I'm looking forward to it." Jonas said and he could see Erik getting relieved. There was a sudden silence in which both started to slowly lean in for a kiss, forgetting for a moment where they were. They were getting too close when Tuchel came into the room and Jonas quickly pretended to clean something off of Erik's jersey.

"Ah, I have to... I have to shower. See you later." Erik said and rushed to leave. Almost getting caught got Erik distracted enough to bump into Julian on the way to the locker's room. "Sorry."

"Coming back from seeing Jonas?" Julian asked. "How is he?"

"Yeah, he'll be okay soon."

"You two have some special friendship, don't you? Always spending time together, always caring about one another. You got a little pale after the incident with him... If I didn't know better I'd say there's something more to that friendship."

"Something more?" Erik repeated as he furrowed his eyesbrows at him.

"Nonsense, right? I know but it's funny how your friendship reassembles a relationship sometimes."

Thankfully, Erik was saved from answering that as they reached the changing room. Meanwhile, Tuchel had talked to the doctors about Jonas' condition. The trainer then turned his attention back to the brunette.

"How's the ankle doing?"

"Getting better."

"Good to know. However, I'm afraid to say you're doubtful for tomorrow. There's a short time for it to be completely healed in time. Before the match we'll see the progress but I want to avoid any setback."

"Yeah, I guess." Jonas sighed as another opportunity to play was getting past him. Again.

"You and Erik, did I interrupt something?"

"Not really. He just stopped by to see me. He was blaming himself but I made sure that he knew that it was okay."

"May I ask you how things are going between you two?"

"We're doing good so far."

"I have to say that I admire how you're handling this, how professional you two are for keeping it out of the work and not letting it interfere on what happens on the pitch. How are you two dealing with this?"

"It's hard but we're managing it. We promised each other to keep things apart, here we're just team mates and so we act accordingly. But don't worry, you probably won't have to worry about having a relationship between team mates in your team for much long."

"I was informed about your transfer request. Are you sure that's what you want?"

"It's not what I want. It's what I need. Dortmund means everything to me and I don't really want to leave but I might need to. I'd love to stay but I don't feel needed here. You have better options for my position and you don't trust me as a player, maybe don't even believe I got what it takes it to deserve a regular place on the team."

"You're making an incorrect assumption, Hofmann. I trust in the skills of every single one of my players and I wouldn't work with one that I couldn't trust. You're a good player, if I didn't believe that you wouldn't be part of my team. You only need some more improvements that could be done with match practice. However, Reus and Miki are on their top forms. But whenever they need a rest, I give you the chances to play and you don't let me down. Anyone can see you're always trying to give your best for the team. Don't ever think we don't notice that."

"I want to be part of a team who needs me, where I can make a difference. And that's not Borussia, as much as it pains me to admit it out loud."

"If that's what you want, we won't get in the way." The coach said. "Have you talked to Erik about this? He won't be happy about it."

"He knows about the transfer request but I haven't told him more. I don't want to worry him without a reason. There's nothing concrete at this moment. If anything changes he'll know, even though I don't want to let him down. He'll understand, eventually. For now my focus remains in proudly wearing this yellow jersey I love so much and give my best to this team every day. I'm grateful for everything, everybody always respected me and treated me well, I've got great friends here. I'll keep Dortmund in a special place in my heart but there comes a time when one needs to go after new opportunities that meet their expectations. I'll see how that goes in the summer but it's not something that I'm worrying for now. It's not taking my mind away from my duties here."

"Whatever decision you take, if you want to go or stay for another season, everyone here will support you."

"I appreciate that."

When Jonas was ready to go, they walked to his car and Erik drove them to the brunette's place since he couldn't drive because of the hurt foot. Erik made them dinner and later that night, before going to sleep they watched one episode of Game of Thrones. Erik didn't get much of it but Jonas liked it so he'd enjoy watching it with his boyfriend. Erik was sitting on the couch while Jonas lay down, resting his feet on the blonde's lap. As Jonas watched it, Erik spend some time massaging his hurt foot in hope that it'd feel better by the next morning. He still felt bad for the incident and the massage was the way he found to try to making up for it. Jonas' ankle wasn't as swollen as earlier so he had good hopes.

It seemed to be doing good for Jonas, after some time he fell asleep right there. Erik didn't want to wake him up after a tough day so he carefully picked his boyfriend up and carried him to his bed, lying him there and pulling the duvet over him. After switching off the lights, Erik lied down beside him. He was almost sleeping when he felt Jonas reaching for his hand, entangling their fingers. Erik heard his boyfriend mumbling a 'Thank you' and placed a kiss on the brunette's temple.

Saturday, April 2nd, matchday. Erik was on the starting XI list with Tuchel positioning him to play on the right wing. Jonas made the subs list, even his ankle not being completely pain free. When the team's doctor came to check on him, Jonas said a small lie that his ankle had healed. It took a little while to convince the doctor but Jonas managed to be cleared for the match. In fact, his ankle wasn't swollen anymore buy there was a little bit of pain but that didn't bother him. He knew it wasn't the right thing to do but he also didn't want to lose another chance to play.

Erik had played better in the few matches he had started on the right wing. But that day things weren't going good for him. He had tried a few shots at goal but the ball went wide. And for the remaining minutes of that first half, the team was playing more often on the left side which left Erik without much to do. The halftime came as the match was still tied in a goaless score. It didn't take long for Auba to score when they got back for the second half. However, they couldn't celebrate the lead for long because Bremen equalized the match.

About the 75th minute Jonas replaced Erik while Kagawa replaced Reus. As long as no opponent would step on his ankle, Jonas knew he could play those 15 minutes without issues. However, as soon as the changes happened, the away team managed to score again, taking the lead. The Dortmund's players weren't feeling like losing that home match so they never gave up. After a few tries, Jonas managed to score with Miki's help. The brunette ran towards the bench to celebrate with everyone there, not escaping without a quick hug from his boyfriend.

When the match seemed to be ending in a draw, Kagawa maganed to score the wining goal, assisted by Schemelzer. When the referee blew the final whistle, they celebrated the tough win together with the fans. In the changing room some team mates decided to go clubbing that night, meeting later to celebrate it. Erik was still upset for having a bad match, even more knowing his parents were there to support him. He decide to go have dinner with his family and left the stadium early. Jonas took some time in the press zone and when he was done showering, Erik was already gone. He didn't even have time to comfort his boyfriend. Figuring Erik would want to spend time with his family, Jonas accepted the invitation to go clubbing later.

Jonas and Matze walked together to their cars in the parking lot. They reached Matze's first, where his girlfriend had been waiting for him. Jonas greeted her and the three of them chatted quickly. Jonas greeted them goodbye and headed to his car. He opened the door, and was about to get inside when someone passing by behind got his attention.

It was Sophia. Walking fast, blurting out words on her own language as if talking to herself, looking highly frustrated. And to make it worse, the notebooks she had been holding fell on the ground, spreading some papers around. She stopped, closed her eyes, took a very deep breath, said something that even if Jonas couldn't understand sounded like she was cursing at something, and got down to pick it all. Jonas decided to help her out.

"Hey! Are you..." Jonas started to ask as he got closer to her.

"For God's sake! No, I'm not Erik's girlfriend!"

"I sure know that."

"Oh, Jonas, it's you. Sorry, I'm just a little stressed right now."

"Which is odd because normally you're one of the most calm people I know. You want to talk about what happened? Let me help you. " Jonas helped picking up some of the papers and handling to her.

"Since that day we went to see Erik play for the national team, people seem to be under the impression that I'm dating Erik. Ever since I got at the stadium today, some fans stopped me uncountable times to ask me that. Some even asked me to take pictures with them. I had to turn it all down without ending up looking rude. Dear God, it's nuts being Erik's girlfriend... Oh, wait! I'm not even his girlfriend for real."

"You know, you could always post a picture of you two and deny it."

"Theoricaly the easier way. But the more you deny this kind of thing, the more people believe it. And besides, my work, my German classes and the gym keep me busy enough to take time to discuss something that doesn't exist. And it has been a while now that some people have been leaving me comments that goes from 'She's good match for Erik' to 'Bitch'. Yeah... I'm taking this one for you, you're welcome. Also, this could bring issues to my job. People might think my judgment towards Borussia Dortmund is clouded/biased. Thankfully my boss trusts my professionalism enough not to bother about such speculations"

"Another good reason to tell the truth. It will put an end to such comments and speculations." Jonas said as they stood up.

"Which one? My truth or yours? Mine won't do much difference, but yours... Yours won't leave anyone doubting anymore. If I say I'm not his girlfriend some will still ask me about it."

"You're not even trying to tell the truth."

"And you? Are you trying to tell YOUR truth? If you reveal the real truth, it'll be a whole different story. There won't be room for people to wonder about the kind of relationship Erik and I have. Not when they know who he's dating for real. You might not be ready for that to become public yet but at the same time, keep in mind that secrets don't last forever."

"Yeah, you don't need to remind me that. "Jonas said and decided to change the subject. "By the way, Erik mentioned it's your birthday today. Happy Birthday!"

"Danke! That reminds me that I'm almost running late, I'm having a small party to celebrate it. It won't be very polite if the birthday girl misses her own party."

"You're telling me there'll be a party and you haven't invited me or Erik?"

"I'd have invited you two but it's in back in Munich, later tonight. I doubt you'd be able to make it there considering such though match you two just had and that you have to be on training ground by tomorrow morning. I'd love to have both of you there but I understand how time demanding your job is. Even more with the match against Liverpool in a few days. Anyway, you did good today, lovely goal that one."

"Thank you. See you out there."

"See ya!" Sophia waved goodbye and rushed away. Jonas got in his car and headed home. He'd go clubbing with the team mates later so he needed to get dressed and ready for it.

Erik was happy for the win but disappointed with his performance. At least having dinner with his parents and a few, non footballers, friends kept him distracted for a while. At some point he found himself alone in his car, his parents and friends already gone, as he was about to drive home. He didn't want to be alone that night, he needed his boyfriend. In fact, he was already missing him. Erik sighed when he read the message Jonas had sent him saying he'd be out with the guys in the club they used to go and that he'd see him on the following day. Erik wasn't in the mood to party but the thought of ending the night alone was worse.

Getting there he searched the place for any sign of his boyfriend. Erik found him along Gonzalo, Marco, Auba, Papa and a mysterious redhead woman, apparently in her early 20's, who happened to have her arm around Jonas' shoulder. For a moment Erik had the impression his team mates were encouraging Jonas. The woman kept talking cheerfuly and Erik walked around to have a better look at his beloved one. Knowing Jonas as he did, he could tell the brunette was a little unsettled but was too polite to say it. Erik saw Marco walking away from the group going towards the bar and followed him.

"Having fun I see." Erik said, stopping by Marco's side, without taking his eyes away from his boyfriend.

"It seems like Jonas is the only one 'single' in between us. The guys think it's about time for that to change and are giving him a little push."

"Even you, who is very aware he's not actually single. How can you encourage that?"

"Relax, Erik. Jonas is not gonna do anything he shouldn't. He's just playing along."

"I know he won't. Still, it doesn't make it right you encouraging it when you know the truth."

"That's what happen when you hide a relationship. The guys are trying to give him a little help, setting him up with someone. They have good intentions, they just don't know the truth. Jonas tried to say he was happy alone but I guess no one believed it." Marco said and was handled a new drink. "There's not much you can do if you have to keep concealing it. It sucks, I know. Go ahead, get a drink, flirt with a woman, have fun living a lie. By the end of the night you'll probably find yourself on Jonas bed anyway. Yeah, I know how that goes. Been there, done that. Even though, sometimes it doesn't end well."

"Just because your relationship with Mario ended up ruined, it doesn't mean Jonas and I will go the same way."

"What right do you think you have to mention my past relationship with Mario?" The older one asked, suddenly annoyed.

"What right do you have to encourage Jonas to find a new girlfriend when you, of all, know he's doing more than fine with ME."

"What is your problem? I said it's not for real and if you think about it, this is just a way to protect your secret. In case you don't know, sooner or later secrets are bound to get out in the open. Relax and play along as well. Don't freak out for no reason."

"Does the girl know it's not for real? I bet she doesn't. So, no, I won't relax. And if Jonas wanted a girlfriend he could get himself one on his own, without needing you or anyone else pushing him, without advives of a guy who has a failed try at this kind of relationship. You may have ruined your relationship with Mario but you won't wreck mine!"

Marco glared at him in a way that Erik was sure he'd get punched right there. The older one slammed the empty glass on the counter and walked away. Before he could even think about what had just happened, Weigl stopped beside him, a little surprised to see him there. The younger suggested the two of them to take a picture and post it on his social media to celebrate the win earlier that day. Erik wasn't in the mood but agreed anyway.

The most subtly he could, Jonas stepped away from the girl slightly, getting her arm off of his shoulder. She seemed nice but he wasn't looking for somebody as his team mates were probably thinking. As if some sort of guilty feeling hit him, since he had left Erik earlier without not even a try to comfort him, he had the impression of hearing his lover's voice. Yeah, his guilty was playing tricks on his mind, making him hear his voice when he knew Erik was nowhere near.

However, a strange sensation made him look around the place. Jonas didn't know why, he just let his eyes wonder around. He took advantage that the girl was talking to a friend of her near him and that his team mates were caught up in a conversation and looked around. He saw some people dacing, some talking, the bar area... Erik.

His eyes met his beloved one's as he found Erik leaning back against the bar counter, staring intensively at him from afar. Julian was saying something, probably not aware Erik wasn't paying full attention to him. Margo, the redhead girl, called his attention again and Jonas lost sight of his boyfriend. When he could look where Erik had been some seconds ago, he was no longer there. Trouble. He could already see it coming.

"Excuse me, I hate to interrupt your talk, I know Jonas is someone lovely to talk to but I need to talk to my friend." Erik said, showing up out of a sudden, taking Jonas aback. "I'll borrow him for a few minutes if you don't mind."

Erik didn't even wait for an answer. He got a hold of Jonas' wrist and pulled his boyfriend with him away from the crowd. Gonzalo, who was walking back to talk to Jonas, saw Erik taking him away, considered the situation a little weird but decided it was for the best not to get in the way of whatever was happening. Erik took Jonas to a slightly dark hallway near the restrooms.

At that moment the hallway was empty. Erik let go of Jonas' arm and took a look around to be sure they were alone. It seemed so and he walked back to Jonas.

"Baby, that was not what it..." Jonas stuttered as he could barely get the words out of his mouth. He didn't even had time to continue.

The next thing he was aware of was Erik pinning him against the wall. Apparently, Erik made that a new habit of his. Not that Jonas didn't like being pushed against the wall, but his back surely wasn't appretiating it much. When he could look straight into his lover's eyes, he expected to find some kind of betrayed look on them. However, what Jonas saw there surprised him. A mix of love, fear and lust.

Jonas decided to give another try at speaking but Erik didn't let him. The next thing he knew Erik was all over him, kissing him roughly, burying his tongue deep inside his mouth, kissing him as oof there was no tomorrow. At first it was hard to keep up with the intensity of Erik's desire but Jonas managed to catch up and deepen the kiss. Until when Jonas realized that it wasn't just desire, Erik was being possessive by kissing that way while his hands were resting on his hips, holding his body against his.

"How many times do I have to say that you're mine, Jonas? I hated to see the way she had her arm around you and the way she looked at you. I hate it even more that I can actually smell a bit of her perfume on your jacket."

"We were just...."

"Keeping up appearances. Marco told me. Even if he hadn't said so I'd have known that there was nothing going on. I don't like this situation, I don't like it at all. Having to watch my boyfriend being hit on and pretend that everything is okay. It's not, It's far from being okay. I understand you don't want them to know about us, but how am I suppose to not let it make me feel bad? You're my boyfriend! MINE! You shouldn't have to pretend and act like a single man because you're not."

"Are you jealous?"

"Yes, I am! Of course I am. How do you think I'm feeling right now having to keep up with that girl flirting with my boyfriend? Yes, I know you won't do anything but what about her? What if she gets a wrong impression and believes you're actually into her?" Erik asked but didn't give a chance for Jonas to reply it. He claimed Jonas lips for another kiss. "It should be us out there, having fun, kissing without caring about people seeing us. But you don't want that. Why? What is it? Are you ashamed of being in love with another guy? Afraid of people knowing it?"

"I'm not ready..."

"For how much longer will you keep saying it? Jonas, we're not doing anything wrong! We love each other, how could this be something bad? Something to be afraid of? I don't care if people find out you're my boyfriend! You make me happy, make me feel good, make my days better. I'm so fucking proud of having you as my lover that I don't mind if the whole world knows that."

"Erik, why do you insist so much in coming out? You want that but at the same time leaves everyone thinking you're dating Sophia. How do you think I feel when I read something about you two together? You're letting that happen and not doing anything to deny it. And neither is Sophia. Why is it so hard for you two to simply deny those rumors?"

"I couldn't care less what people are thinking. The only person I care is you and you know what is really true. That's the only thing that matters to me."

"I don't like it either. That's not just you. Sometimes I see those beautiful pictures of men couples and wish we could share ours too. In theory, we're just like them, two people in love. However, like I said once, the circumstances aren't at our side, we can't expose ourselves. We just can't."

"We can't... We can't... We can't... I'm getting tired of this." Erik took some steps away from Jonas, staying in silence for a little while as the brunette watched him from behind, hearing the sounds of his deep breaths. Erik had so many things running through his mind at the moment that he was confused, not sure about what he should do next. He turned around to face Jonas and said three words that the brunette probably didn't expect to hear. "Lets break up."

"What?" Jonas' voice came out weak as he was caught off guard by what Erik had just spoken.

"I don't think I can't do this any longer. I wasn't made to feel 'restrained' in a limited relationship. I don't want to hide my relationship as if it was something wrong. I like freedom. To keep bottling up my feelings and treating you as just a friend whenever we're not home is not doing me good."

"I want freedom as much as you do, I want our relationship to be just like any other. But I'm not ready to have my life exposed. The thought of it takes me out of my comfort zone. But go ahead and just think about yourself and how you feel. As if I didn't feel the same."

"Ok, you're not ready. I respect that and I don't want to push you. But I also can't keep going with having to pretend in some situations and to bottle up feelings as if I never had them. If you don't want to be my boyfriend in public, I don't want to be yours in the privacy of our places. I want a normal relationship, where I can love my boyfriend anytime and anywhere without any kind of restrain. I know you want the same but if we can't have it today, tomorrow or any time in the future then we shouldn't take it futher."

"Is that... Is that what you want?" Jonas asked, his voice breaking as he felt his eyes becoming watery.

"No, how could I ever want that? We just can't go on like that. Unsure of how to handle it, with different wishes. It's not gonna work this way and I think that feeding false hopes will only hurt us more at some point. We better avoid that."

"It doesn't have to be this way. We should take some time and talk about it. We can figure a solution together."

"Jonas, you don't want to come out. I understand. To be honest I don't want it either but that's the only way to be free to be who you are and love whoever you love. Without having to live your life pretending, lying and hiding. It's not right from me to push you to do that knowing you don't want it and that it's uncomfortable to you. Just like it's being uncomfortable for me to keep our relationship in the dark. I want us to be free Jonas but maybe we'll never be. To break up is gonna be for the best."

"Best for who? It's not gonna be for me. And it's clear that it's not the best for you either." Jonas said and Erik knew he was absolutely right.

They stayed in silence without knowing what to say. It hurt Erik seeing Jonas' eyes getting slightly red as he was the one to blame for that. But he knew his own eyes should be looking the same, as he was having a hard time trying to hold back tears as well. Erik then walked closer, letting his thumb run over Jonas' lips. He saw as the first tear streamed down Jonas' face and couldn't hold back his own silent tear either.

Erik pressed their lips together and in that moment, in between tears and sadness, they shared the most tender kiss they ever had. It was awful how it felt like that one could be their last kiss. Maybe that's why none of them wanted to break that kiss. Letting their lips and tongues brush together for one last time. When they finally pulled away, they kept their eyes closed, their faces inches apart. Both feeling shattered and heartbroken in the inside.

"I'm so sorry, my love." Erik said, his choked with emotion.

"Don't leave me, honey." Jonas almost begged as he held his lover's face in between his hands. "Don't leave me."

"I don't want to. I'm too in love to let it go. I just don't know what to do. I need you so much and I love you even more. But I can't do this. Not if you're ashamed of us, of being seeing in public with me. Not if we can't have freedom. Sorry."

Erik walked away leaving a despondent Jonas behind. He couldn't even dare to take a last glance at Jonas. It was already too painful taking that decision, now to see how that affected the person he loved the most was completely desolating. He hated himself for hurting his lover but what could he do? That relationship wasn't being enough anymore. It'd probably hurt them more if they kept going on surrounded by uncertainty. It was the best decision, or at least he thought so.

On that night, kilometers away from one another, they both has difficulties to sleep. The night seemed colder than usual. Or was it them missing the heat that emanated from each other's body which closeness kept them warm? They both tossed and turned on their beds not able to sleep well. Jonas still trying to understand what had happened and Erik feeling the regret start to take over him.

On the next morning Erik woke up a little late, with his cellphone buzzing on the nightstand. Still halfsleep he cursed at it because the alarm wouldn't stop buzzing. It was giving him a bad headache. He reached for his phone and realized something was odd. It wasn't even 8am on that Sunday and he already had several new massages and some missed calls. He got worried right away. Something must have happened. With so many things needed to be checked up, he didn't even know what to see first. He was about to open a message from his mother when his cellphone rang again. This time the call was from Sophia.

"Hey, Sophia. Sorry but this is not exactly a good time."

"And it's just about to get worse."

"What do you mean?"

"I hate to break the news to you but there are pictures all over the internet of you and Jonas kissing from last night I guess."

"What the hell?"

"And apparently even Bild has one of the pictures printed on one of the pages of the newspaper edition, and online as well. Those guys are fast... If it's any consolation to you, at least it's not a front page headline."

"Damn it!" That was all Erik could say at the moment. That could only mean trouble. Huge trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh....  
> So..? Thoughts? Comments and kudos are very appreciated. Your support keeps me going and I'm always grateful to all of you.


	56. "Protecting you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erik gets to know how far they were exposed by the pictures while in eexpectation of how Jonas will react to it.
> 
> Sorry it took too long but here is the new chapter. Finally it has less then 5k words this time, unlike the longer last chapters.
> 
> Hope you like it. Let me know your thoughts.

Chapter 56 - Protecting you

"Erik, are you still there?" Sophia asked when the boy stayed silent for a little while.

"Yes, sorry. I'm just realizing how messed up I am and worse yet, I'm probably getting Jonas into trouble. He didn't want to be exposed and this is all my fault. He's gonna be mad at me and, well, I deserve it."

"About that I have good news, or at least things are not so bad. Now, I know it was Jonas who you were kissing... Wait, it was him, right?"

"Sophia, do me a favour. Who else would I be kissing other than Jonas?"

"I know, I know. The thing is: in these pictures Jonas had his back at whoever took them, meaning..."

"Meaning they don't know it was Jonas...?"

"Exactly. At first what they knew was that a Dortmund's player was seen kissing a mysterious man."

"But then they can't automatically assume it was me, can they?"

"Earlier that night Weigl had posted that picture he took with you so being seeing with the same clothes in both pictures kinda gave it away. There's a few more details but you should see for yourself. Oh, Erik, dear, I feel bad with the thought it probably will force you to come out. And Jonas also might have to do the same eventually. It should happen in your own terms."

"I still don't know what I'll do about it. Gotta take some time and think about it. It's complicated."

"Yeah, I can only imagine. But if you need anything or anyone to talk you know you can reach out for me, right?

"Sure. Thanks for the heads-up, Sophia. I gotta go, I have a morning training in a couple hours. By the way, do you think we could meet anytime soon?"

"I wish we could, but I'm still in Munich right now and not sure when I'll be back to Dortmund. Text me or call me till then if you need."

"It's not exactly something I'd talk over the phone. Anyway, how was your birthday party. Sorry I couldn't be there."

"It was fun but if you want I'll tell you about it another day. I suppose you have other things to worry for now. Take care, dear."

"You too."

Erik spent a little awhile staring at his cellphone in his hands considering if he should or not see said pictures. He didn't want to but maybe it was for the best for him to be aware of how much those pictures exposed them. He could swear that they were alone in that hallway, he hadn't seen anybody so how somebody managed to take these pictures. Maybe someone had walked in on them while they talked and they didn't notice.

Sophia was right. Jonas couldn't be identified on these pictures which somehow was a relief for Erik. Jonas wasn't ready to be exposed and since that still hadn't happened Erik was willing to keep it that way. The lightning of the room wasn't bright but he could identify himself and since he had his sleeves rolled up, it was visible there was a tattoo on his right arm. People could recognize him, he could say it was some look alike guy but he didn't want to do it, he didn't like lies.

He looked through the pictures, trying his best to avoid reading the comments under them. He also avoided whatever Bild had published about it, the tabloid surely would make some unnecessary drama over it and he wasn't in the mood for it. He wondered if Jonas knew about it already but he wasn't sure if he should give him a call, the brunette was probably mad or upset at him at the moment so Erik decided to talk to him after the training. For now he just sent his parents a message saying he was okay and that he'd talk to them later.

Meanwhile, Jonas was almost ready to leave for work, standing in front of the mirror, fixing his hair, unconsciously letting it a bit messed, the way Erik loved it and used to say it made him look hotter. Jonas smiled at the silliness of it. He had woken up feeling weirdly excited considering what had happened the past night. He had issues falling asleep and that gave him some extra minutes to think about the way Erik had broken up with him. It didn't seem real and the more he thought about it, he realized Erik had mistaken the reason why he wanted to keep their secret. Now Jonas was looking forward to see him and prove him wrong.

Once he stopped at his parking space, Jonas took a while inside his car, thinking, taking the courage to do what he was planing. Erik seemed to think he was ashamed of showing affection in public. That was not the case and he was willing to show him, no matter whoever would be in the changing room along them at the moment.

Erik had arrived for work some minutes before, meeting Marco on the way from the parking lot to the building. He approached the older one and apologized for the things he had said the night before. Mentioning his past with Mario wasn't correct. Marco accepted his apology and also said he was sorry too for sticking his nose into his relationship with Jonas. Erik accepted it as well and they were both glad they could move on without any hard feelings left.

He didn't know if his team mates already knew about those pictures of him and yet Erik was a bit afraid of people looking at him differently. He greeted the players and staff that were at the changing room as he walked in. No one made a comment over the pictures so maybe the news hadn't got spread yet or if anyone had seen it, no one dared to say a word so he acted normally as if it was any other typical morning.

Subotic, Bender, Castro, Lukasz, Leitner, Auba, Nuri were there, along Marco and Burki, who already knew about them. For some reason, Erik was hoping he could change into his training kit before Jonas arrived. He didn't know how he could look at him after last night, after breaking up with him, maybe Jonas would be mad at him or something. He rushed to put the jersey and the shorts on and was about to put his cleats on when Jonas came in there, walking straight towards him. Erik tried to look away but the brunette stopped right in front of him, his eyes fiercely fixed on him. Erik was left with no option other than face him.

"No need to say anything. I know I messed..."

Without caring at all where they were or that they were surrounded by some team mates and staff members, Jonas shortened the small distance between them and claimed his lips right then and there. Not minding about whoever would see it. Erik noticed a sudden silence take over the room as he let his eyes close, kissing him back. Jonas placed his hand on the side of his face as he kissed him slowly and fully affectionated as if it had been a long time since their last kiss. All the cold Erik had felt on that past night was now replaced by the warmth of his beloved one's mouth on his. For s moment he forgot where they were and wished he could feel Jonas' lips caressing his own for longer but the brunette eventually broke the kiss. Erik looked confused at him. Up until last night Jonas didn't want people to see them together but this morning he comes in and kiss him right in front of their team mates.

"How was that for being ashamed of us, of people seeing us together?" Jonas whispered so only Erik could hear. He then playfully slapped the back of the Erik's head. "Idiot."

Erik couldn't help but to give him a shy smile, still trying to avoid looking him in the eyes for longer than a couple seconds. That's when they were reminded of their surrounding and they noticed some pairs of eyes on them, just as a few eyebrows raised at them as well, Auba barely blinked, Bürki watched them proudly for the step they were taking towards coming out, it was just a kiss in front of people who knew them but it was a beginning. Marco was neutral to what happened, he didn't see or cared about Jonas kissing Erik, as if that would bring back some bitter memory from the past.

"I was just proving a point to Erik." Jonas explained to everyone around them. "It's a thing between us. But never mind, carry on."

"Hang on a second, bro." Auba said to Jonas. "Does that mean that the mysterious guy Erik has been seeing for a while now was you all along?

"What? That kiss wasn't just some kind of joke? Are you two dating? For real?" Castro asked as he looked a bit astonished, he genuinely would have never guessed that.

"Oh, c'mon, this is not a big surprise." Nuri said. "Anyone could see it coming. Even though you tried to act normal, some gestures were at least suspicious. The real surprise is why these two never said a word."

"We weren't ready then, maybe we aren't ready yet. We're taking our time but no one needs to worry, there won't be any kind of PDA here. Today, I just needed to show Erik something but other than that, we're here to work like everyone else."

"Eventually, everybody will know about us and we're aware some people might not like the idea of team mates dating." Erik said. "That it could interfere on the team's dynamics somehow. And that's why we're keeping work and private life completely apart."

"We should receive an award for that. Not easy." Jonas said and turned his attention entirely towards Erik. "Your mother called me earlier, she said she couldn't reach you on the phone."

"I had to turn off my cellphone but I texted her that I was okay and that I'd talk to her later."

"She also mentioned about some pictures and when I asked her what she was talking about she told me to talk to you. Which pictures was she talking about?"

"Oh, you don't know..."

"What is it that I don't know? Erik...?" Jonas asked, with the feeling he was missing something out. Erik reached the pocket of Jonas' jeans for his cellphone and looked for the pictures of them from the past night and once he found them he showed it to him. Erik watched as his face turned into a concerned look. "What? Someone saw us? But that hallway was deserted."

"I thought so too. But don't panic just yet. No one knows you're the guy in the grey jacket. We'll figure this out but for now you better change into the training kit."

Erik could feel Jonas' eyes on him as he sat and put his cleats on. He knew it was matter of time until Jonas get mad of him for letting them get exposed and he really wanted to say how sorry he was, to avoid him getting worried over it but that wasn't the place for it, not with all the players arriving and they couldn't have time alone. For now they had to focus on the morning training and later they'd have the rest of the day off.

About 2pm Erik arrived home after having lunch with some friends. He carried a box filled with autograph cards for him to sign. He went upstairs to the spare bedroom, which he had made a little office out of it, he sat on the chair, spread the cards on the desk, put some music on and started to sign them. Some minutes later and he heard footsetps on staircase, coming towards where he was. The smell of the perfume gave it away that it was Jonas.

"Hey, hon... Erik, I thought I should stop by to check on you."

"I'm okay, just a little busy."

"What are these for?" Jonas asked as he walked closer and saw the autograph cards.

"I have an autograph session with Bürki in Essen in a couple of hours. I'm signing some of them in advance, it'll save me time later."

"Are you okay to go? I've got to see the others pictures and so did a lot of people as well. What if someone who attends the autograph session make a comment or ask you about it? Maybe you could ask to be replaced. If you want I can take your place and cover for you."

"No, I'll be there. Why would I act like I'm running away from it? I did nothing wrong so I've got nothing to hide. The truth is: I'm madly in love with another man. So what? Why should that be a big deal? I'm not a coward, I'll face whatever happens with my head up. Even if that includes having to put up with some bullshit talk."

"I'm proud of you for having the courage to stand up for it." Jonas said as he stood up beside Erik, leaning back against desk. He watched for a short while as the blonde signed more cards. "Is it me or are you avoiding looking at me? Since the morning I've notice you looking away from me. I could barely look into your eyes."

"I'm a little embarrassed about last night. I suppose you're mad and upset at me. To be honest, I'm surprised you didn't freak out or something. After all, I kissed you in that hallway and it's my fault that we'll be exposed. Exactly what you were afraid of happening." Erik replied, still keeping his head down, focusing on the autographs.

"Erik, look at me. Do I look mad?" Jonas asked. Erik lifted his head up and for the first time that day he properly looked at him. "I couldn't stay mad at you for longer than ten seconds even if I wanted to. Love you too much to waste time with that. You probably had a rough night yesterday, who never had it?"

"It was pathetic, a bit stupid with me. Breaking up with you with a rushed decision, arguing with Marco, mentioning Mario through it..."

"Oh, no, tell me you didn't do it, you didn't go there."

"Awful, I know. At least I apologized this morning."

"Good because that was low. I'm glad Marco is finally moving on, that he got himself a girlfriend and so. But Mario to him is like an open wound. Probably one that never seems to heal. I'd say it's insensible, to say the least, to mention him to Marco."

"Yeah, I know. I'm just afraid... I'm afraid of losing you. And also afraid of things going wrong as it happened to them"

"Is that you comparing us to them? You've got to be kidding me. No one knows what exactly went down between them."

"Actually, I do. " Erik said. "Not all of it but Marco once told me a little about it and I'm realizing we're awfully starting to go down the same road. The whole 'one wants to come out while the other is worried about the career. Then suddenly one leaves all behind for a better job."

"And here we're hearing rumors of a possible come back from Mario. Apparently it didn't work out well for him. I don't care what happened between them, the reasons Mario had to leave, we're not here to judge him. What really matters here is that we know what WE have. There's no sense at all making any kind of comparison. Yes, chances are high that I'll move for a new club in the summer but I'll be leaving the team, not you. As far as it's in my power, I'm not leaving you."

"About the team, if I asked you to stay, would you stay?"

"Well, lets see: ask me nicely, make me homemade cookies, watch a whole James Bond movie with me, beat me in golf, make love to me as much as I want and I'll consider staying." Jonas joked making Erik smile at him, first time that day. "However, caring deeply for me as you do I know you won't ask me to stay, not when you know that I'm looking for a new challenge since Borussia won't need me next season, Tuchel said I'm allowed to move clubs."

"I want you to stay but if it isn't the best for you then it makes no sense me wanting that. I'll always wish the best for you, to see you happy and, unfortunately, I reckon Borussia isn't fulfilling your expectations. It sucks! But if you have to go, as much as I hate the idea of it, I'll understand. Just as I'll encourage you to find a team who offers you a better opportunity and support whatever choice you make. Even if it puts some distance between us. Is there anything new, any update?"

"No, my agent said we should give it time and wait until some concrete offer shows up. Right now I'm at that stage of accepting that people and works comes and goes, things change all the time and it's part of life. Moving on into new things is also part of it so I'm okay with that. But I suppose when the times comes for the goodbye, it will really sink in and it's gonna be hard to go through it. So I rather not think about it this soon."

"As for the negotiations, I don't want to cause you trouble." Erik, out of habit, reached out to hold Jonas' hand. Remembering they just had broken up, he started to pull his hand back but the brunette held his hand firmly. "Jonas, I promise to protect you. We got exposed and it was my fault. The good thing is that people don't know it's you on the pictures and I promise to keep your name out of it. Like, I was asked to stop by the BVB office tomorrow, which probably they will want to know about these photos and question my behavior. Whatever it is, I'll protect you, I promise. I don't want to mess up your chances in finding a new team. You never know, some people may prejudge you for this and take back on making an offer for you, possibly claiming such relationship could be 'problematic', that some people don't tolerate homosexualism which could cause protests and so on..."

"Then they don't deserve me as their player. What if I don't want you to protect me? I don't think it's fair you facing the repercussion this will get on your own. I can't be okay with it. Remember, good or bad, we're in this together."

"Are we? I mean, right now we're in a weird situation. I just broke up with you having in mind your fear of having our relationship end up in public. And yet, that's exactly what happened. As much as I try to keep your name out of it, sooner or later, we won't be able to hide it much longer. Besides, I don't even know if you'll forgive me for the last night, for hurting you with the break up decision."

"There's nothing to forgive. Can we just cancel the break up? Could we undo it? In my opinion your rushed decision was unfair."

"To be honest I'm still surprised that you're not mad at me. I thought you wouldn't even want to talk to me today. I'm disappointed at myself for last night, so I didn't exactly know which reaction to expect from you."

"I'm not mad, but I'm indeed upset at you, Erik. For letting the thought that I could, for any reason, be ashamed of us ever cross your mind. You got it all wrong. Look, my parents are the most important people to me, do you think I'd have told them about us if I was actually ashamed of what we have, ashamed of showing affection towards you in public or even ashamed of loving another man even that being something completely out of my control? It was never about being ashamed of anything."

"Then what was it? Because clearly there's something keeping you from letting yourself be free to live life as you want to, without having to hide anything, and enjoy every step of us being a couple, like any other normal couple would do."

"This is part of that talk we were needing to have but didn't get the time to yet. When you were away with the national team, I met Sophia and I ended up telling her some things. She was nice to me, friendly, she listened to my side of the story of our relationship. Usually she just knows your side of it. She was very understanding as I told her about the caution I was taking in protecting our relationship while on the same time I feared you'd eventually blow our secret away. And look, I was right about it. At first, I thought I'd be pissed off at it, maybe I should be, but I'm not. Surprisingly I'm feeling ok with it. As some say, letting the whole truth come out would set us free, would save us from unnecessary misunderstandings that comes with hiding things, and will take some weight off of our shoulders. Maybe coming out won't be all that bad."

"That's what I've been trying to tell you all along. It might not be easy coming out at first but our feelings, there's nothing silly about it. Our love is worth of us fighting for it. We deserve that."

"And to the contrary of what you thought, about me being ashamed of what we have, it was never about it. The reason I was concerned about coming out this soon was that maybe we weren't ready for this new reality we're living. I'm gonna say the same thing I told Sophia: you and I never expected to ever been in a homosexual relationship as we grew older. You usually have your sexuality sorted out on your teen years and from there you learn to deal with it better. Now, we? Until two years ago such thing never crossed our minds. And even when we started to sleep together casually, it was never supposed to become serious and yet here we are. It would be better if we could learn and adapt to it together, however, it takes time which I suppose we don't have much before people figure out I'm the one you were kissing. If you want I can ignore last night and that break up suggestion."

"So, are you saying you're willing to come out?" Erik asked, hopeful that this time he'd get a positive answer. The autograph cards that he should be signing long forgotten.

"For you, for us, yes."

"I'm afraid we should take a break. But how can I ask for some time apart when last night without you was already awful? I'm used with us spending good part of our free time together, spending most of the nights sleeping side by side, it's lonely when you're not around. One year together and I grew so insanely attached to you. To spend time away from you is a sacrifice that I'm willing to do to protect you as I deal with the initial repercussion the photos will cause."

"You don't have to protect me, I said it's okay if we end up having to come out."

"No, not at this moment. I'm not taking the risks. I'll wait until your career is safe, until you've made a decition about you future. Once everything is certain and you have signed a contract with a new team then we can think about being together again. I don't want you to get in trouble because of my mistake."

"It was partially my mistake too. After the match, I saw how upset you were, I should have stayed with you instead of going clubbing with our team mates. If I hadn't done it none of that would have happened, those pictures wouldn't even exist. Going clubbing isn't a good idea for us, I should have learned the lesson from the last time back in November."

"Don't blame yourself. I know going clubbing isn't much your thing but you only go because you like spending time with your friends. And there's no problem with it. You're my boyfriend, not my property. I can't have you all the time, all for myself. The reason why things go wrong when we go cubbling together is probably because we have to hide our relationship. Can you imagine the day we don't need to do it any longer? We can go enjoy ourselves, dance and kiss under good music. Free of any concerns."

"I appreciate that you want to protect me. But don't you think we should take this decision together? You were the one pressing me for us to come out and now that we have the chance you back down? I don't get you right now."

"Just give me some time, Jonas. I don't want to stay away from you but for now it's better this way. We never know, someone might want to keep an eye on me, what I'm up to and make some gossip out of it. Or maybe not. Maybe there will be just a initial buzz but will get forgotten eventually. I gotta wait and see how this will turn out. Till then I'm not putting your transfer to another team in risk. It's another thing we have no idea how it'll happen, maybe your new team won't care less what you do with your private life as long as you do good in the job. Or maybe someone might make a veto on signing you due to the same thing, thinking that some fans would not approve such behavior and that it could mean unnecessary problems."

"Erik, you use to say I worry too much sometimes, but this time you're the one worrying too much. Ok, I'll give you the time you need. However, you should know that I don't agree 100% with your decision. I can't leave you alone on this. And I won't." Jonas reassured him and they stayed in silence for a short while. Then he picked up the pen over the desk and autographed one of the cards Erik had already signed.

"What are you doing?"

"Well, I guess some lucky person will get a surprise extra autograph in Essen today." Jonas put the card back in the box, somewhere in between the others already signed cards, mixing them up. He smiled as he looked back at Erik and their eyes met. Another silence took over and Jonas could see on his green eyes that even though Erik asked for a break, his eyes showed otherwise. It was a choice he needed to make but far from being what he really wanted. Slowly Jonas leaned towards Erik, shortening the distance between their lips. Erik didn't stop him, only closed his eyes. Their lips edging closer, really close. When their lips were inches away they were interrupted by the sound of the doorbell ringing. Jonas sighed. "Are you expecting any visitors?"

"It must be Bürki. I'm ridding with him to Essen.*

"He can wait." Jonas tried another attempt at kissing Erik. This time interrupted by his own cellphone. He cursed at it. He took a look to see who it was. "You haven't talked to your mother yet, have you?"

"I let my phone off again. Don't feel like reading whatever is being said yet. Or the many messages and calls."

"She keeps calling me. Answer that." Jonas said as he handled his cellphone to him. "Meanwhile, I'll let Roman in."

Minutes later Jonas waved goodbye as Bürki and Erik drove away to Essen. He sat on one of the few steps in front of the entrance door, thinking about everything Erik had said. He still wasn't ok with him wanting to face on his own the repercussion the pictures would get. For now he'd respect Erik's decision but Jonas promised himself to interfere on his choice if he judged necessary. Even if it meant making it harder to find a new team, he knew he just couldn't let Erik alone in this one, not when he had started it all. He wasn't the only one needed to be protected. Erik needed it too and Jonas would find a way to do so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thoughts? Comments and kudos are very much appreciated and welcomed. Thanks for keeping supporting this story, even if it's taking me longer to update. Your support is what keeps me going.


	57. "Till loves runs out"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They boys face some uncertainty on their relationship.
> 
>  
> 
> Hey! I'm back with this story. So sorry it took 4 months to update but I needed a little break. I felt exhausted, without much creativity. I needed to rest from writing. It wasn't supposed to last this long but I also went through a period depressed so things got worse and I couldn't write any longer... But I'm back now, feeling better, thankfully. I confess I'm not 100% satisfied with this chapter but this story has to continue.
> 
> Even being away from writing I saw how the hits never stopped going up, that gave me motivation to continue. To see that you were srill checking for a new update. Thanks.
> 
> A song for this chapter: "Halt dich an mir fest - Revolverheld" (I don't understand much German but the first time I heard this music I loved it right away. The lyrics talk about being through a tough time and having someone being there for you.)
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Chapter 57 - Till love runs out

After having pictures of him and Jonas kissing spread over the internet, Erik wanted to come up with an idea to handle it. But for the next weeks time left for that was what he didn't have. Borussia would play against Liverpool twice and Schalke in between. He had to switch his focus for these matches entirely and forget personal issues. However, he couldn't follow his own plan. How could he when sometimes he'd find people making comments about the pictures, not always positive, and many curious as to who was the man he was with.

And he was still trying to protect Jonas. He had been called to the office and asked about the veracity of such pictures, claiming to protect his image as player if that was needed. Erik confirmed it was him on said pictures but when asked about who was the other guy, he choose not to answer. Asked if it was another team mate Erik didn't deny it or confirm it. The secret didn't last long, though. After all, the kiss Jonas had given him in the middle of the changing room wasn't exactly very subtle. The story about it ended up getting spread through the next days and their relationship wasn't a secret anymore in between the players and staff.

This time Jonas was called at the office along Erik for some more explanations. Erik was just about to deny it again when Jonas took a step ahead and confirmed the rumors. The board of directors wasn't very pleased about having two of their own players in such situation, again, but didn't go against it either. The boys had to hear some professional behavior things that they should follow when at work, as if they hadn't being doing so already, but agreed with what was being asked, or ordered, them.

Once they left they room, Erik nodded to Jonas and walked away in a different direction than the one Jonas took. The brunette noticed how Erik had been putting some distance between them for the last past days. He had noticed as well how Erik seemed constantly worried. Jonas couldn't blame him. He kept an eye on the repercussion the pictures got and could only imagine that it was a lot to take in. Having people gossiping about his personal life instead of just supporting him as the player he was. Jonas wanted to be with him, not let Erik go through it alone but the blonde kept pushing him away with his 'need a break' old excuse.

Whenever he asked Erik if he was okay, Jonas would get an 'I'm good, stop worrying' reply. Jonas knew him to well to know that he wasn't. And that was proved on the match against Liverpool where Erik performed poorly in the first half and had to be taken off by caution because of an injury on the back of his head after getting a knock. Jonas was a little outraged as he read, after the match, how Erik got heavily criticized but no one seemed to have realized he had got injured. People saying he had been awful, probably too caught up in his personal life, worried on hiding the mysterious man, to perform decently. Against Schalke, Erik once again had a weak performance and when the match was over, he got criticized again.

It only got worse. The second leg against Liverpool, Erik felt his knee bother him a lot through the morning warm up and Tuchel left him out of the match for precaution. Somehow, the press took it as if Tuchel had dropped him from the squad because he wasn't being able to handle his personal issues and couldn't focus on his job. That night ended up awfully for everyone as the team got knocked out of the Europe League. It pained Jonas to see Erik so upset, along his own sadness. Before sleeping Jonas took a look at some match comments. Some people still blamed Erik for the draw back in the home match.

Those last days had been pretty tough on Erik and Jonas could see he wasn't handling it well. Keeping his feelings to himself, not talking about it, pretending he was okay. Jonas knew him better. When they got back to Dortmund Jonas stopped by Erik's place late at night to see how Erik was doing. The blonde was on his bed, about to sleep when he noticed Jonas presence. Again, he tried to show he was okay and just needed to be alone and rolled on the bed, turning his back at Jonas. The brunette took some steps towards the door but heard Erik sighing a bit loud. Or was that Erik trying to disguise any crying sound. Nevertheless, Jonas couldn't leave him alone. Whether Erik wanted it or not, Jonas lied down beside him. They stayed in silence and eventually Erik rolled around to face him. Jonas put his arms around him, holding him tight. As if by magic, Erik felt immediately relieved from the bitterness that had been consuming him lately. Nothing could be better than to be wrapped in the comfort of his lover's arms.

Since Erik didn't push him away Jonas thought things would start getting better. But it didn't. They kept very busy with the team's tight schedule of matches. Four in fourteen days. Suddenly the press were back at the rumors of Götze possibly coming back and they seemed to let Erik alone for a while, since they couldn't get anything new. For the next three games Erik ended up starting on the bench for his poor performances recently. And while it wasn't going good for him, Jonas conquered his place on the starting XI with solid and great performances. Even being a little upset at himself, Erik couldn't help but to be proud of Jonas through that matches.

Jonas had noticed that Erik had stopped shaving and was letting his beard grow. It was unusual seeing Erik with beard but after some days he got used to it. However, after a free Sunday, Erik showed up for training on Monday with his hair dyed lighter blonde. Jonas was startled. What the hell had Erik done? As much as he wanted to, he didn't feel like asking anything about it. Maybe he should but he wouldn't. Jonas also had his own issues to worry about.

After having Erik pushing him away for the whole month of April, saying he'd deal with his problems, which he didn't, Jonas decided to do something. Erik had asked him for some time but Jonas was done respecting it since Erik seemed to be ignoring everything, him included.

Jonas had another great match against Wolfsburg by the end of April where they beat the opponents by 5-1, one of the goals being scored by him. Erik watched the whole match from the bench. He had lost his place on the team after the bad games and Lukasz was currently in much better form. Erik could already foresee his season ending on a low. On the other hand, seeing Jonas overjoyed by scoring a goal made him feel better. Sometimes he blamed himself for pushing Jonas away, that he didn't deserve that but Erik didn't want people to find out about him, about them. So for the past month he did everything to keep any suspicion away.

On Monday morning they had to do some work in the gym. When Erik was done he left for lunch. He was on his car ready to drive away when Jonas showed up by his window.

"If you keep avoiding your boyfriend you might as well loose him."

"I needed a break, you agreed with that." Erik replied.

"And I did. I gave you time. Time to handle things as you said you would do. However, you never mentioned anything about avoiding me, ignoring me and pushing me away. By forcing this distance in between us you're not only hurting yourself. You're hurting me too."

"I'm just trying to protect you."

"Enough with this 'protecting me' thing, ok? What if I don't need to be protected? I appreciate what you're trying to do but I can take care of myself. Besides, I'm not okay with letting you alone through it. I couldn't help but to read some of the things people commented over the pictures of us and sadly I know it wasn't all nice things. No wonder you've been upset, bothered and having a hard time focusing on work. You should remember that I'm here for you. Tell me how you're feeling, I want to know. Before you loose your sanity... Which doesn't seem too far from happening. Look at you. How long has it been since last time you shaved? What even is this hair of yours?"

"At least they have something else to talk about other than my private life. Let them talk about my new hair rather than persisting on knowing who I'm dating with."

"Listen, tonight I'll stop by your place after dinner. Be there!"

"Where else would I be?"

"I know you've been spending some nights out with friends lately. And before you ask, no, I don't mind it. I just want you to make sure to take time for your boyfriend tonight, ok?" Jonas said and before Erik could say anything he walked away to his own car.

It was true. Lately Erik had been spending more time with his friends than he was used to. At least with the ones that still supported him after knowing the truth, regardless of his choice when it came to his private life. Being with them kept his mind away from all the speculations that were being done. However, he couldn't deny that at times he missed Jonas a lot. It was hard times but it had to be this way for a while.

Erik had just got back from a friend's place. He felt like watching TV before going to sleep. He reached for the remote control when he noticed some lightning coming from afar. He walked towards the backyard and there found Jonas playing basketball on his own. Neither of them said a word, just exchanged stares for a quick moment. Jonas interrupted it by throwing the ball to him in an invitation to play. And so they played for some good minutes taking turns between defending and throwing the ball at the target. At some point while Jonas tried to blocked Erik, he tripped which made them both fall on the grass. In between laughs they got into a playful wrestling to reach the ball first.

Jonas won their little battle, making Erik lie on the grass, dominating him completely. He noticed Erik smiling widely at him which made his heart skip a beat. He didn't know how much he really missed it up to that point, it had been a while since the last time. Jonas smiled back but soon, as if reality hit them, their smiles faded away slowly. Jonas made a motion to get up but Erik held his hand. The brunette understood what Erik wanted without him needing to say a word. Jonas lay down on the grass by his side. They found themselves lying on the backyard while watching the dark sky in silence for a little while till Jonas broke it.

"You thought you could escape from me, baby?"

"You make it look like I wanted, willingly, to stay away from you. If you only knew how much I've been missing you, my love."

"As if we didn't see one another almost every single day."

"At work, it doesn't count. I'm not missing a team mate. I'm missing my boyfriend."

"I've been missing you too but I kinda expected you'd reach out for me. I'm a bit disappointed you didn't. The thing is: we have to deal with this situation. This uncertainty is troubling me, as I imagine it's doing for you. But I confess I was starting to think I was waiting here for you in vain."

"Sorry, I almost forgot you were coming. I didn't see your car on the driveway, thought you had changed your mind about coming here."

"To be honest I'm not sure if I should be here tonight. And yet here I am. I came for you after you kept running away from me.... I suppose love makes such a fool of us."

"I probably don't deserve it but I'm glad you came, Hoffi. Forgive me, I just thought that staying apart was the best decision. I guess I was wrong."

"The problem wasn't staying apart itself. The thing is that you didn't let me be by your side when you most needed it. Erik, it has been almost about a month we don't go to each other's place, or have dinner together, or have our fun late night talks, or watch our favorites movies and series cuddled on the couch, or that I've seen that bright smile of yours. Hell, I don't even remember the last time we kissed."

"I don't like it either. I thought by now I'd have thought of a way on how to handle the repercussion but failed and wasted the time we could have spent together. I hope we can go back normal soon. As for now..." Erik leaned closer to him. "You're right, it has been way too long since Iast time we kissed and I think I know how to fix this issue." He started to shorten the distance between their lips but Jonas looked away and moved to sit on the grass. As Jonas had never turned him down, the first conclusion is that he was afraid they could be seen out there in the backyard. Erik stood up and reached out for his hand to help him get up but oddly Jonas didn't take it. "C"mom, let's go inside. Nobody will see us there."

"It's doing a beautiful night, I want to stay out here." Jonas denied his invitation still without looking at him. That got Erik concerned and the blonde kneeled on the grass, facing him as he looked down at his hands as he played silly with his fingers. At some point it became unbearable to keep avoiding Erik's concerned look upon him and he gave him, looking back at his lover's green eyes. "After pushing me away the way you did, do you really think a simple 'I missed you' is gonna fix things? That it's gonna make me throw myself in your arms this quickly? No, it won't... Ok, maybe any other day but not today. I'm upset. You lied to me. All the times when I asked you how you were doing and you'd say 'good'. But I'm even more upset at myself for knowing you weren't okay and yet I didn't do anything about it. I should have insisted on being here for you, against your stubbornness on keeping me away. I simply shouldn't have left you alone no matter if you had asked me for a break."

"You're here with me now, that's what matter. It's okay now."

"No, it's not okay. I should've been here yesterday, last week and this past month. God knows the things you may have heard and read, people talking about you. I feel like a coward for letting you go through this on your own. I can only imagine it was a lot to take in and I wasn't by your side."

"You're not a coward, Jonas. You just gave me the space and time I needed. By that time I thought it was the best choice. Only that there wasn't a single day I haven't missed you. Well, of course we see each other every day due to work but that doesn't count. However, if I'm to be honest, the repercussion the pictures got weren't that bad. I thought it'd have been worse."

"You're just saying this so I won't feel too guilty."

"No, I'm not. The first days were hard. People gossiping, talking behind your back, pointing at you, giving you weird glances. With time I just stopped noticing some of it. I was worried the press would make a show out of thoses pictures. It just pisses me of how they judge my poor performances as if it had something to do with personal issues. I got hurt on the game against Liverpool, the second knock to the head in the space of a couple of months and the only thing they did was to criticize me..,. At least with the rumors of Mario's comeback and now the recent news about Mats possibly joining Bayern, the press let go of speculating about my life. Now and then they still try to find out it was you but didn't succeeded so far. Soon the season will be over and with the holidays hopefully they should forget about it."

"They might not have succeeded but by some comments I've been reading some people already suspect about us. By how we've always been good friends and how we got closer through the past year. With the pictures from the New Years Eve in Rio we post, me being spotted at your hometown and our celebrations on the matches. I like how they suspect it's me. Seriously, though, Erik, we can't keep hiding the truth. Not forever."

"Not forever." Erik repeated in a whisper, as he looked into his eyes. "I know. I always wanted not to have to hide my happyness. I'm just being cautious. We still have three matches to complete the season and we should focus on that. We could use holidays to plan on how we can make things official. I'm not sure if I'll be called up for the Euros, with all that ended up in the press and my last poor performances I guess I don't have chances. We could take the chance and make a trip together."

"We can't. I already have plans. Besides, I'm a little unsure about us at the moment. As a couple we should take decisions together but all I see is 'you' saying what 'we' should do. What about what I think? What about how I feel? I understand this month has been complicated for you but it wasn't easy for me either. It hurt me to see you isolating yourself from me, in vain. Even worse, it hurts me how it seems you have some lack of trust when in comes to us handling together the hard times. You don't think I can be helpful? All this talk about protecting me? Bullshit. If you only knew how my patience has been put to test through the past two weeks... " Jonas said, taking a breaking for some deep breaths. They were sitting, facing each other, still on the backyard.

"Did something happen? You never mentioned anything."

"I didn't have any chance, did I? Anyway, back to what happened, quite a few things like figuring out how homophobic my agent is, my mom constantly suggesting me to end our relationship and me crashing my car."

"What? You got into a car accident? I had no idea."

"Of course you didn't. But don't worry. It was a small one. I had just argued with my mom, which sadly it's has been happening more often lately, I was feeling feeling awful andit distracted me while I was driving. Had to leave my car in Heidelberg to repair, that's why you didn't see it on the driveway. Matze gave me a ride here."

"I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time with your mom. Even more knowing it's because of me. I bet she is still not accepting us."

"I think deep down she still have hopes that this is just a thing that will eventually be over. She said it was decent of you to keep my name out of it. Clearly, I disagreed. I'm still trying to make her see how this relationship is what I want, that is making me happy but she still is having troubling accepting it. She suggested me to take this break and use the chance to end things once for all."

"And will you?"

"Obviously, I won't do it. I hate having arguments with her but this is still my life. I'm free to choose what I want for me. And as if having a hard time with my mom wasn't enough, I had to put up with my agent 'advising' me to stay away from 'potentially problematic situations' which was a reference to you. Basically, according to him, I should stay away from you becuase it won't look being friends with a gay. Somehow in his mind it's like that could cause some influence in a club interest and get in the way of negotiations."

"That's absolute nonsense! How dare him to give such idiot advice?" Erik said as he felt outraged by the ignorance of said man. "He can't tell you that. He's there to take care of your career not your personal life."

"And I reminded him just that. It's sickening how some people are just absolutely close minded. Lucky, I'm in final talks with a new team and won't have to put up with him for long."

"Have you made your decision? Which team will you be playing for next season?"

"I can't say."

"Not even for me?"

"I rather wait until I get to sign the contract. I got a few good offers, just deciding which one is the best for me in the moment."

"Is there any chance of you playing abroad?"

"I got an offer from Valencia, to play in Spain but I rullled it out. It's not in my plans leaving Germany. I still want to stay close to Dortmund, to my family and friends. Close to you, too. I'm happy that I got an interesting offer from a good club that will let be be around."

"That sound nice, as long as you're not going to Schalke, of course."

"I'd have to be completely hopeless to leave to make that choice." Jonas joked "You'll be one of the first people to know where I'm going to, don't worry. You know, Erik, my life has been full of decisions to take lately and I've been thinking about things and I decided to come out."

"You don't have to do that. If you feel under pressure to..."

"Erik, I want to come out on my own. Instead of letting people speculate about out lives I rather let them know our version first. I know that as a couple we're not in our best moment but the time has come for me to set up."

"You don't have to rush it if you're not ready. You don't have to do this for me."

"Erik, I want to come out. And I'm not doing this for you or for me. I'm doing this for us. Everyone has the right to be happy, we're not different. In a time where not everyone has the chance, courage or confidence to do that I'm proud that he have this opportunity. Maybe we can write something about us, I don't know. I'm not afraid of letting people know. They can read all about us. There's nothing to hide. Our love is beautiful and genuine like any other couple in love."

"I can't believe this is finally happening. This is what I always wanted for us. That we could have our freedom, no more hidding."

"I wouldn't get too excited just yet."

"Why not? We'll have the opportunity to be like any other couple. Aren't you excited for that?"

"Maybe I should be. But to be honest, giving the uncertainty of a future together, I've been feeling slightly indifferent lately."

"Indifferent how? What do you mean?"

"You wanted to keep my name out of the pictures speculation but I never thought it was fair. So I'll let them know the truth because I never wanted to leave you alone in that. But you kept pushing me away and now I feels there's a crack on our relationship. Erik, either we do things and take decisions together as a couple or we don't do it at all. With all the things that happened this past month and the distance the grew in between us, I've been getting a little indifferent and this scary me a bit."

"Is indifferent your way of saying you're falling out of love?"

"Just like people fall in love they also fall out of love. It happens. But don't panic. This is not our case. But we have to be careful not to become our case. After all, not everybody get the happy ending they want."

"Seriously, Jonas, I don't like how pessimist you're being about us. What is going on?"

"This uncertainty is killing me. We've got to make a decision: either we get together for the rest of our lives or we better break up soon. I don't like staying on the in between, surrounded by doubts"

"I have no doubts. You're the best thing that happened to me. I never loved anybody like I love you. I want to be yours for the rest of my life. What about you? Don't you want the same?" Erik asked and his silence made him fear the answer. "Jonas...?"

"You're right, we should wait for holidays to have the proper time to discuss our relationship. Right now there's so much things going on that my feelings are pretty messed up."

"This is my fault, I shouldn't have pushed away."

"It's okay. Now I'm the one who needs needs the break. Just promise me you're not going to think my love for you is running out. Anyway, I should go home."

"Stay over tonight. It's getting late and you don't have your car with you. Tomorrow I drive you to you place."

"Ok, but I'm sleeping on the couch."

"Whatever you want." Erik got on his feet first and helped Jonas up. As they head get back in the house he asked. "I know things doesn't look good for us right now, but it will get better, right?"

"I don't know. We can only hope for that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thoughts? Comments and kudos are what keeps me going with this.


	58. "The right thing to do"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jonas surprises Erik on his birthday.
> 
> Finally I got a new chapter ready. My inspiration is being slowly lately so that's what the updates are taking long to be done. But here it is.
> 
> This chapter was inspired by the song: "Read all about it - Emeli Sandé"
> 
> Hope you like the chapter!

Chapter 58 - The right thing to do

May, 12th. Erik woke up early on his birthday. He was already excited for this day which felt always special to him. One of the few opportunities he had to spend time with family and close friends together celebrating his day. His parents were coming for dinner, he'd have also a few close friends and Jonas of course.

But first, the job. He arrived for the morning training and his team mates all wished him happy birthday. He thanked each one of them but his attention was to the fact that Jonas was nowhere to be seen. Thirty minutes went by and Jonas wasn't there yet. And it wasn't of him to show up late. Eventually, Erik got to know that Jonas took the day off to deal with personal matters. Weird, Jonas hadn't mentioned anything to him. Erik wondered whether to message him to check if everything was okay but at that moment the coach called the players to the training pitch and he had to let it aside for now.

On the afternoon the players were given the new kits for the next season. Erik took a little time admiring the details of the jersey, with a smile on his face. It was beautiful, it looked better by each new season. Then he noticed a box with Jonas' number on it. The realization that Jonas wouldn't get the chance to wear it pained on him. Like an awful reminder that Jonas was leaving the team. As much as he knew and accepted that it was the best for his boyfriend at the moment, Erik still had a bit of hope that Jonas could stay. What if Jonas signed for a team from a distant place? They were so used to be around each other almost everyday that Erik feared the distance could ruin their relationship.

He was almost ready to go home when he got a notification that Jonas had posted something new and opened it to see it. He expected it would be a picture that would explain why he took the day off. But what he saw somehow surprised him. Jonas had posted one of the pictures they had taken on their trip to Pirmasens. On this one he had been trying to take a selfie in the car but Jonas kept making funny faces on the back. He didn't know he had kept that picture but nevertheless he just loved the silliness of it. And with the photo Jonas wrote some words that caught him off guard.

 

_'#Tbt to when Erik invited me to a road trip to his hometown. It's not something we get to do often giving the tight schedule of matches. So I can honestly say I enjoyed every minute of that weekend. I was very nicely welcomed by his family and I'm grateful for them. I felt so at ease, I felt home. I hope one day I can take you to my hometown but for now it's complicated, Erik, you understand what I mean._

_Memories apart, I want to congratulate you, Erik, on your 24th birthday. I wish you all the best, all the happiness in this world because you deserve it. You're such a good hearted kid and I'm proud that you didn't let the sudden success get into your head. You're still the same old Erik that I met 4 years ago, humble and shy. Still working hard as you did on our first training together. Talking about the first time we met, I knew back that day there was something special, I had a feeling we could be good friends. Glad I was right, you quickly became one of my best friends, a friendship I'll take for the rest of my life. I'm trully blessed for having you in my life and thankful to you for letting me be part of yours._

_For whoever reads this post: it upsets me how Erik's personal life has been exposed and made target of random speculations and criticism. He's always doing his best for the team, putting so much dedication into the job he loves so much. On his free time he deserves to be left alone to do whatever pleases him. To do what he wants, to be while whoever he wants. If he dates a woman or a men it's no one's businesses but his own. He respect the club, the fans and the press so let's respect his privacy. No wonder why he has had a few poor performances lately. His job is to focus on the team but how can he do it while having to worry about his privacy being invaded? He has the right to be happy whichever way he chooses. It's his life after all, independently of whether people agree or disagree with what he does with his own life. He means no disrespect to anyone. He just wants freedom to live his life without it being turned into a big deal._

_Yes, he fell in love with another man. So what? It's not something you can control. You know, you start spending time with one person and bit by bit you notice some changes in the friendship. Falling in love for a best friend is hard because you could put a lot in risk by crossing the lines. But can anybody imagine how, besides hard, confusing it's to realize you're falling for someone of the same sex for the first time? There are a lot of emotions involved. Realization, acceptance, fear, doubts and not knowing how your family will react. It takes a lot of courage to come out. Even more when you're not ready to but you have to because someone exposed your privacy._

_If anybody wonders why I'm writing this post, instead of Erik himself, possibly thinking I'm not the best person to say anything about coming out. Yeah, I'm not the best person but I do understand about the expectations of finally coming out. Erik is not the only one going through it right now. This post is being written to defend my best friend. But not only that._

_It was me. Those pictures of Erik kissing another guy, it was me the person he was seen kissing. I have no problem admitting that. As the gentleman he is, Erik wanted to protected me but I never thought it was fair to let him be exposed to all kinds of judgments alone._

_The truth is simple: we found love together. Erik had always been so good to me that I fell for him. At some point having his friendship wasn't enough any longer. I fell for my best friend. When I realized that it was too late to go back. Erik, forgive me for how things started between us, I reckon you deserved better, a normal start of relationship. That said, I still wouldn't have changed a single thing. I feared losing your friendship and scaring you away if had I gone straight to the point. But to be honest, it was so beautiful watching you slowly falling for me. The bigger smiles, the sparkling eyes every time you look at me, the increasing desire to spend more time towards one another. You're making my days a whole lot better, for over a year now. I'm beyond grateful for every day I get to spend with you. And don't worry, I know the feelings are reciprocal._

_If anyone who is reading this gets concerned about this affecting the team. The staff, coach and players are aware of our relationship, and they have been supportive of us, which we're really grateful. Just as we let it clear to then, I'll write this here. Erik and I promised to not let it interfere on our work. We're taking things apart. There we're simply team mates like we've always been. We respect the club above anything._

_We don't want to make a big deal of it so whatever needs to be known about us can be read on this post. Neither I or Erik are ashamed of admitting what we feel. This is all that is to know about our relationship. The secret mysterious man on those pictures was me and now the curiosity is over and I'm adressing this matter just once. So, please, no questions about us on interviews, press conference or whatever. Our relationship is of our concern, it has nothing to do with the team._

_I don't see it as falling for a guy but being in love with a person. After all, you don't choose who you fall for. It simply happens. Just because we're two men it doesn't mean the love we have is less worth, less important. We're just trying to have the freedom to be as normal as any other couple. It's a new reality for both of us which we're still adjusting but it has been great so far. I feel the luckiest person for dating someone like him. (Sorry, ladies, Erik's is a taken man now, and I proudly say, by me.=)_

_Erik, my dear beloved boyfriend, Happy Birthday! Wish you many years to come and that I can be part of the next 60 of them. I promise to carry this feeling for the rest of my life no matter how uncertain future can be. Wish you a nice birthday.'_

 

So, Jonas came out on his own. Erik never doubted his courage for that. But he didn't see this coming, at least, not this soon. Jonas never mentioned he planned to do this. He read his words a couple more times, holding back a tear of emotion while smiling at the same time. The way Jonas stood up for him, for them was moving. In a time when many people still fear coming out, (for whatever reason they have), and rather hide the truth, (which he understood and it was not his job to judge anyone because he didn't know the circumstances those people have around them), Erik was really proud of Jonas for having the courage to write that post about them. Erik couldn't wait to meet him at his birthday dinner later and thank him in person.

A few minutes past 10pm and Jonas was still under the shower, letting the hot water fall over his body as his mind was a little lost in thoughts. He had spent the whole day out of the city, making a few decisions on his career. Add that to the fact he went sleep late the past night after spending a few hours trying to put words together for the post he had planed to write for Erik on his birthday. Result: he was super tired, in need of a very good rest since on the next day he'd have to make up for the day off in the training. And in the mean time he had missed Erik's birthday celebration. He felt awful for not being there, Erik would probably be disappointed with him. Jonas knew he should have showed up, even if for a few minutes, but he was really exhausted, he'd apologize for that, hopefully Erik would understand.

The hot water helped relax and relieve some of the soreness of his body. He put his boxers on and started to dry his hair with the towel when he remembered he had left his Iphone on the living room so headed that way. He didn'tknow where it was so he had to turn on the light and as he did it he found out he wasn't alone.

"Dear God, Erik! What the... Trying to scare me?" Jonas was taken aback when out of nowhere Erik was simply sitting on his couch.

But Erik didn't say anything, he slowly got up and closed the distance between them. Jonas noticed as Erik's eyes were fixed on him. Yes, his boyfriend was definitely mad at him, and somehow he knew he deserved it. It was matter of seconds before Erik would call him an bad boyfriend or something like that. Jonas then thought it'd be better to apologize first. However, Erik never let him. The next second the blonde's lips were pressed against his and Erik wasted no time, he deepened the kiss immediately. After what fell like an eternity without kissing one another, a slow and gentle kiss wouldn't be enough. Erik kissed him eagerly, using his tongue to caress him. Jonas could feel the need from his lover through their breathtaking kiss. Erik kisses felt so good that Jonas wondered how he had made it so long without them. It was such a great sensation to feel loved that Erik wouldn't mind spending the whole night between kissing and being kissed. He was almost convincing himself of it when Jonas abruptly broke the kisses leaving him a bit confused.

"What? Do I have a bad breath?" Erik asked, suddenly a little insecure, using his hand to check it.

"No, no. It's just.... Your beard. Now it really makes me feel like I'm kissing another man."

"Is there a problem?"

"No, but it's weird. I'm just not used to new version of you. I don't mind the beard, with or without you're handsome anyway. Now the hair, honestly, you messed it up. But if you like it that way, good for you."

"My hair grows up fast, probably in a few months I'll have cut they dyed part. I'm enjoying this little change for once."

"Let's head to my bedroom. I gotta put some clothes on."

"Do you really have to? I might like a bit too much the view of you only on your boxers." Erik stole another kiss and they walked towards Jonas' bedroom. "Besides, I'll probably strip you out of them by the end of the night."

"You wish, baby. Well, I'd wish that too if I weren't so exhasted." Jonas said as he took a shirt and pants to wear to sleep.

"Hey, isn't that one of my shirts?"

"It is. You know, one of the good things of dating another man is that we can wear each other's clothes. I like wearing your shirts, it's a way to keep you somehow close, mainly on the time you're away."

"Talking about being away, I missed you at my birthday dinner. " Erik sat down on Jonas' bed and the brunette soon followed him. "My parents came to see me, Derstroff came from Mainz, a few others friends showed up, Matze, Julian and Bürki were there too. Sophia came around as well. Even Marco stopped by and we're not that close. However, my own boyfriend who I was very excitedly looking forward to see never showed up. Why?"

"On birthdays you usually have you give attention to many people who are congratulating you. You see, when it comes to you, Erik, I'm very selfish. I want your attention all for me."

"You have it, my attention is entirely on you. As always."

"I know this is a special day for you and I apologize for not making it but I had a full day away from Dortmund, after that I wasn't in the mood for the small party, I'm sorry. Anyway, I left your gift on the bedside table.

"Yeah, that is a real cool watch, one more for my collection. I had seen it on the store before but as I was running late I ended up forgetting about it. How did you know I wanted exactly that one?"

"I didn't. I just thought you'd like it.I'm happy that you loved it."

"This is not the only thing I have to thank you for. I was very touched and speechless by that post you published about us. I can't put into words how much thankful and proud of you I am at this moment. I love you damn too much, my love."

"I know. And so does everybody else now." This time Jonas was the one to steal a kiss from Erik, taking more time, enjoying the closeness of their bodies. "It was the right thing to do, Erik. Neither you or me could keep carrying the weight of living a secret relationship, having to be always over cautious to avoid giving it away. I'm aware that this wasn't the best timing for it, in my head I was thinking we could do this announcement together at some point of our holidays but I really wanted to surprise you on your special day."

"And what a surprise. You've been the biggest twist and the best surprise that happened in my life. I've struggled often to find myself a girlfriend but I'd have never guessed the person that would give so much love had been by my side all long. Sometimes in life things don't go as we expect so we need to make new plans and some exceptions. Jonas, you're the best exception I've made in my life."

"The best and only, I bet. Anyway, now that our relationship is no longer a secret I'm feeling relieved, like some weight off of my shoulders. I know you're probably feeling the same. I can't be sure if things will get better or if we'll get some negativity but it was important and had to be done. I feel bad for all the people out there who can't come out. We have the opportunity and I want us to take it. There's only one life and I don't want to carry regrets on mine."

"I'm so lucky to have the best boyfriend."

"You're lucky too for having a best girl-friend. Sophia helped me out with it."

"She knew this? She never mentioned anything."

"She wouldn't, it was surprise. She gave me some advices on how to address this publicly and to handle the press. I had imagined writing something more fondly but she thought it was better to address it on a serious note if we wanted to be taken seriously."

"But you could have asked the team's press manager help."

"One of the things that I wanted to put emphasis on was how we're letting our relationship clearly apart from our work. If I did that I'd be doing exactly what I wanted to avoid. Like she said, this will probably get some buzz for some time but eventually the matter will die down. Sophia was also telling me that she got approached and asked about who you were dating. A lot of people know how good friends you two are and somebody supposed she would easily reveal your secret away."

"What? She never told me that."

"She said you had a lot of things to worry already, she didn't want to give one more reason. Besides, she turned it down immediately and threatened to sue whoever bothered her again. You really have a loyal friend in her. She's always supporting and helping us here and there."

"Apparently I make good choices when it comes to the people I keep on my side." Erik lied on the bed and waited for Jonas to join him. The brunette turn off the light but let the night stand lamp on so they could look at each other as they talked. Jonas lay down beside him and Erik covered him with the duvet. "Hey, you still haven't told me what you've been up to today. I expected to see you at training today but got told you took the day off to deal with stuff. I was worried. You mentioned being out of Dortmund, where have you been?"

"If I tell say it you'll know where I'll be playing at next season."

"And don't I deserve to be one of the first people to know? I'm your boyfriend, I need to know. I mean, I need to get used to the idea of having to deal with distance in our relationship, I don't know you but I'm not ready for that, I'm not ready for not having you around every day. What if you move to a far city?"

"Not happening. I love Dortmund, the city, and I planned to stay nearby at least..."

"Oh, you love the city, and I thought you loved me, that you'd stay close for me. Such an disillusion." Erik joked being a little over dramatic.

"I love you, I love you and I love you more, baby. It'll never be too much to remind you that." Jonas closed the small distance for another gentle, passionated kiss. "We don't have to worry about distance. My priority was to stay close but of course it didn't depend on me. Then I got an offer that fit perfectly what I had in mind. I spent the afternoon in Mönchengladbach negotiating the details of the contract."

"Borussia Mönchengladbach wants to sign you? That's awesome. They have a good team and you could still stay around."

"A little over one hour from Brackel but it's not a problem. I've visited their training facilities and they have a good structure. I've been talking to Hermann, Marco also said good things from his time there. And for what I hear they want to bring Kramer back. I think I can fit well on that team so I'm excited for it. If everything goes as planned I should sign the new contract when this season ends."

"I'm happy for you. You'll get the opportunities to play that you always wanted. Too bad it isn't here anymore. By the way, we received the kits for the new season."

"I've seen the pictures. It looks great. Unfortunately, I won't get to wear them. We still have the last Bundesliga match and the DFB Pokal final to play but honestly, I'm not ready to say goodbye. It hurts whenever I remember this day is coming. I never wanted to leave."

"You don't have to."

"It's a little too late to come back on my decision."

"It's never to late, Jonas."

"My decision is done, not going back on that."

"Don't worry, I'm sure the team will give you the farewell you deserve. I'll be there for you. And you know what? It doesn't have to be a goodbye. Who knows it could be a just a 'See you soon'. Kagawa came back, Mario apparently is coming back as well, so who knows what might happen a few years from now. And it's not really a goodbye, the doors will always be open for you to stop by and visit us. "

"Ok. Before we go to sleep promise me you're not upset that I didn't go to your birthday dinner."

"I'm not, really. How could I after that post your wrote for me, not after you stand up for us for everyone to see. Besides, there will be many others birthdays to come for you to be part of. But if you want to know, I want you to be part of every day for the rest of my life."

"I'd love that."

"And maybe you might feel nervous or some anxiety on your last two games for Dortmund but remember, I'll be there with you all along supporting you."

"I know, you're always beside me when I need you." Jonas gave Erik one last kiss before moving closer, resting his head on Erik's chest and soon felt his arm around him. "Good night!"

"You too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Thoughts??? Comments and kudos are very appreciated. It keeps me going with this story.


	59. "A promise fulfilled "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The season is over and the boys will face changes. The first: time for Jonas to start getting ready to leave.
> 
> I'm back! After ages, I'm back with this story. For some time I seriously thought about letting go of it, I simply saw no reason or motivation to contibue. But every now and then I wished to keep going with this but just couldn't.
> 
> However, some months later and I noticed people are still coming to check this story and this makes me want to keep bringing this to you. And suddenly, my inspiration is partially back, and I felt like writing this story again. (I wrote this chapter in 2 days, that's a record and a miracle. If only I could keep going this quick.)
> 
> I had to change some of what I had planned before because I was completely stuck. Now I have some new ideas and we'll see how that goes.
> 
> This is a work of fiction. Writing for fun, for the fun of the reader.  
> Hope you enjoy it.

Chapter 59 - A promise fulfilled

Jonas and Erik tried their best to stay away from any kind of repercussion their announcement received. They knew they have to keep their heads straight on the match against Bayern on the pokal. In which both noticed to be under unusual attention, not surprisingly. Given the importance of the match there was no time to get bothered by that. As much as the whole team prepared for that day, unfortunately they couldn't reach their objective. After a leveled match the team couldn't defeat Bayern but at least they gave them a hard time.

With the season over they players left, some for holidays and others to join their national teams for the Euros. Erik spend a few days at his hometown, visiting his family but came back to Dortmund to help out Jonas, who was starting to get things ready to move out. Jonas took the afternoon packing his belongings and trashing some old stuff he no longer needed.

"You know, I'll miss having you as a team mate Jonas, but I gotta say I'm looking forward to get rid of this 'keep it professional' thing. Honestly, I'm quite sick of it." Erik said as he helped Jonas packing his stuff into some boxes. "We get to spend a good amount of time around one another. Some of it at work where we can be what we really are. I'm still not a fan of you leaving, our time together will decrease but a least then nothing will stop us from boyfriends and freely acting like it."

"Do you realize how lucky we've been so far? Working under the same schedule. With me gone we'll be just like any other normal couple. Working different places and then going home to be with their loved ones. Us being in different teams will certainly decrease our time together, even more when we get to travel different places to play our matches, it'll be a couple days away, we'll miss each other more than we're used to but it'll be worth whenever we get to be back together."

"It'll take some time but we'll get used to the new routine. I hope..."

"This is gonna be for the best. We can focus better on our careers being in different teams. If I stayed I bet we'd find ourselves constantly worried about what people would be saying related to our relationship possibly influencing the team, imagine the drama if it was in a bad way. I have zero patience for that. Haven't you seen in the press conference before our last Bundesliga match? Tuchel ended up getting some questions about us which he ended up giving away my transfer. That itself made some people want to create drama where there's none, like the club is trying to get rid of one of us in order to avoid 'troubles'. Unbelievable." Jonas couldn't help but to let out a small sarcastic laugh.

"We know they have been nothing but supportive to us. It doesn't matter whatever people wrongly may think."

"It bothers me a little. When I wrote that post about us I left it clear that we'd talk more about it, if we felt like doing so. Clearly I forgot to mention not to ask other people about us. After that press I went after Tuchel and apologized that he got bothered by those stupid questions about us."

"Dear, if somebody owed him an apology, that wasn't you. But those who made questions not related to the following match. You made the right thing about the post, putting apart our job from our relationship, something personal that we want to keep private, it's not your fault if some didn't understand that or wants to insist on it because they're nosey and wants anything just to have news".

"Yeah, Tuchel said more or less the same. I get people are curious since it's rare to see football players, or public people, coming out. However, just because we assumed ours it doesn't mean we want to expose it."

"It has been what, almost two weeks since that post, and I gotta say I tried my best to stay out of the repercussion. I was curious to know what people were saying. I saw some news but stopped myself to read anything else that would mess me up. I mean, it's nice see positive things but we both know there's some negative as well. Getting the support of fans is nice but coming across hateful words hurts a little. I didn't think it was fair just reading the good side of it so I just avoided reading anything at all. I might trying doing on holidays. I knew my focus should be entirely on the match against Bayern, so I did my best for that."

"And you succeeded perfectly, Erik. Coming out of the bench you put fire on that match, speeding it up, giving the team new strength. And that brilliant tackle on Lewandoswi. Watching from bench I thought for sure we'd conceived that goal but out of nowhere you're sliding in front of him to save us. That was one hell of a save."

"It didn't make much difference. We lost it, anyway."

"But not without putting up a fight."

"I really wish we had won that. Our last match as team mates, a trophy to celebrate it would've been great. I'm sure you'd be much more happier saying goodbye winning that cup."

"You know something about trophies?" Jonas asked as he handed so me a glasses and plates for Erik to pack in. "It's exciting when you first win it, you run around with it celebrating and that's it. Then it'll end up getting dust on some shelf out there. This season has been memorable. Coming from a disastrous last season to do one of our best is a big archivement. Unfortunately we didn't won a title but we can be proud of our team. I'm leaving pleased knowing we did everything we could, that was withing our reach. Bayern simply wasn't. The team deserved every praise it got, the fact we didn't get a trophy doesn't make us deserve it any less. Remember the promise we made when you visited me in Mainz?"

"Of course. That we'd make anything on our power to help the team to get back where it belonged."

"We kept our promise. And we did it. Even though we had ups and downs, individually, we were part of this success. We helped the team. I'm leaving with the feeling of duty done and very proud of it. I wasn't here last season but I felt just as bad for things not working out for the team. Putting this team back on its feet deserves to be celebrated, with or without trophies. We'll carry those memories for the rest of our lives. I know I will. Tuchel and all the club staff are proud of us, that's what counts. Besides, why would I want a trophy to make me happy? I've earned your heart, that itself makes me the happiest man."

"Oh, stop it." Erik couldn't help but to blush a little. Jonas saw a shy smile forming in his lips and leaned over to steal a kiss or two. Maybe three if he hadn't have to leave for the bathroom.

"I'll be right back." As he left Erik took the pause to look at his phone. He replied some messages as he waited for Jonas. Once he came back Erik put the phone aside. "That was fast. Hiding something?"

"What? No!"

"Quite a quick answer. Doing something you shouldn't?" Jonas asked and Erik looked at him very confused not understanding where this was going. "Just kidding."

"I was replying some to friends. Weigl said he joined the national team in Swiziland. I was just wishing him good luck. That kid is going places. You don't see such good players at early ages so often."

"You know, Erik, I think I underestimated you."

"What are you talking about?"

"The national team. I remember, when you took me to your hometown, you said how you wanted to be in the squad for the Euro. After seeing the call up I thought you'd be upset for being left out. But you don't look upset about it."

"Back then things were safe, a few people knew about us and I was playing good. If I told you I'm not the slightest disappointed, I'd be lying. But I understand this is not the moment for me being there. I'm not in my best form, I don't think I'd be any helpful while having personal stuff back in forth on my mind. Besides, me being there will probably draw the wrong kind of attention so I'm better off away. And I really need some time off. I feel exhausted. Not only physically but mentally as well. I need to go somewhere to rest. One can actually go to a desert island? Or maybe we could go some peaceful place. Bahamas? The Caribbean? Dubai? Thailand?"

"I've wanted to visit Dubai but I doubt it's that peaceful, I mean, a lot of people head there. If you don't want to be recognized that's not the best place to go... Wait? When you say 'we could go' is that you inviting me? Is that an invitation to spend vacations together?"

"Not a bad idea, is it?"

"Erik, as much as I love you and would love that, I need time off to myself. Don't get me wrong but the last year I spent like 85% of my time around you. Not that I'm complaining, I just want to spend more time with my family. We're traveling to Greece, spend some days there."

"My parents were planning to spend a week or two in Spain but my sister is about to get into her last month of pregnancy so I believe they might not make the trip and stay and help with anything she might need. I'll probably end up going with some friends. Which is okay. Me gusta mucho viajar a España."

"Whatever you just said, damn, I could get used to you speaking Spanish to me."

"I don't know that much, just enough to survive there. Or maybe I could try something..." Erik stepped closer, ran his fingers upwards Jonas' arms while whispering in his ear. "Te quiero." A smile spread on his lips as he noticed his words gave Jonas goosebumps.

"I just hope you don't go saying te... How is it? 'Te quiero?' to survive there."

"Not really. Only if you were there. Then I could go on all day telling you te quiero and te amo." Erik teased him with small kisses on the corner of his lips.

"Damn it, Erik. I thought you came here to help me pack my stuff. Making me want to pin you against the wall and rip off your clothes is not helping me. Not at all. Not the slightest... Nope."

"Well, packing can wait..."

"I'll go grab something in my car. Another second here and you'll drive me insane." Jonas picked the keys and ran out leaving the blonde giggling. Erik reached for another box to put Jonas books there. From one of the books a picture fell off from between pages. It surprised him what he saw when he turned it on his hand. It was an old photography of Jonas and his ex Hellene. Both looking around 16 or 17. Both looking the happiest in what looked to be the Disneyland. He didn't know how long he stayed there admiring the picture until hearing steps coming closer, indicating Jonas' presence."

"Such a beautiful picture." Erik said showing it to him.

"I... I didn't even knew I still had it. It was the first time we went on a trip together, along our parents. It was fun. But it was long time ago. I forgot to get rid of it."

"Don't do it. You gotta a past before knowing me. Unless you're ashamed of something, there's no reason to get rid of this. It's cute."

"You're not jealous?"

"No, I'm not. She made you happy for sometime. She's part of your life. Who am I to ask you to forget anything related to your past? I wouldn't do that." Erik placed the picture back in between the pages and put the book inside the box. He then noticed Jonas brought another box and a considerably big frame from the car. "What is it?"

"I stopped by Brackel this morning. To pick up my stuff, empty my locker."

"Why didn't you tell me? I'd have been there with you."

"You arrived late last night after driving all the way from your parents' place. I guessed you'd be tired. Didn't want to bother you."

"It'd be no bother. You know that."

"I got this gift from the club." Jonas showed him what was in the frame. Some pictures of Jonas through his time at Dortmund. "You know they give these as a way to thank the ones who are leaving. I look at it and I just have good memories of my time here. Ealier I got to meet some people from the staff and thank each of them for everything they have done for me through these past years. And then, while I emptied my lock, it really hit me. I thought I was ready for that, my transfer has been set for some time now, I came in terms with leaving. As I sit on that unusual quiet locker room I realized time has come for me to let go. My locker is no longer mine, my credentials no longer work. But being in this team changed my life an for that I'll be thankfull for the rest of my life. I leave with my head up, proud to have been part of this club."

"I should have been there. You were going through an emotional moment and no one was there to give you a hug? Come here." Erik took the frame from his hands, putting it nearby, and gave him a tight hug, moving his hand back and forth on Jonas back. "You'll be missed. But it's for the best. For your best. I heard Marco say only good things about Gladbach. I believe it's gonna a good place for you. They can benefit from your talent."

"It's okay. I needed that moment on my own. It's gonna be a new challenge and I'm looking forward for that. But first I'll enjoy the holidays."

"There's something I don't get it, though." Erik said as they pulled away from the hug. "All this packing and you haven't exactly told me what's going on. You're moving out, that I get it."

"I'm leaving things ready before traveling with my family. When I come back I'll look for a place to rent in Mönchengladbach."

"I never asked you this before because I thought it was too soon for that. But now that you have to move out... Jonas, move in with me."

"I don't know I've got to think about some stuff."

"I've always wanted to have you living with me. Ok, it's not that close to Gladbach, it'll take you some driving to get there but it's still gonna be your home and not just any rented place. There's planty of space to put your stuff there."

"I can't. Erik, that is your house that you bought on your own. Making plans for it to be ours without my knowledge. Your intention was good but not sure I could actually consider it home."

"What is the problem?"

"No offense to you, but I kinda have moral issues with that. I mean, how am I supposed to call it home when I haven't spend a single cent on it? It's not gonna feel right. Or maybe I could move in but still rent a small apartment near my new training ground. I don't know, I just need some time to think."

"Why am I under the impression that this is not the only issue going on at the moment. There's more to that, isn't there?"

"You have no idea." Jonas said, taking a few stepps away from him.

"What is it?"

"Remember when you said that we're in a point where we had to decide whether we take our relationship all the way or we don't take it at all?"

"Yeah and...?"

"I've came to a decision." Jonas spoke but kept silent afterwards.

"Would you mind telling me before you give me a heart attack?"

"I just don't know how to start."

"Jonas...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I really had to stop there? Absolutely =D. What is it that Jonas has decided? Any guesses?
> 
> Thanks for reading and sticking with this story (after ages. Sorry for that). So, what have you thought of it? Let me know! Comments and kudos are my main motivations to keep writing this.


	60. "I won't give up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for Jonas to let Erik know his decision.
> 
> I had two songs in mind for this chapter. "I won't give up - Jason Mraz". (The other is mentioned on the end of this chapter.)
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!

Chapter 60 - I won't give up

"Jonas? Whatever you decided, go ahead, tell me. The more you wait the more I'm starting to not like the sound of it."

"You probably won't."

"Well, I'm listening."

"Lately I've being thinking about us. And..." Jonas sat on the arm rest of the couch before continuing. "You know when you have that feeling of weight on your conscience? That's what I've been feeling. Remembering how this started."

"We talked about this. I told you it was okay."

"No, no it wasn't, Erik. How could it be? It was gross how I out of nowhere showed up at your door expecting you'd have sex with me just because I wanted to know how it felt like being with you, that I couldn't stand or control my desire/attraction for you."

"Where this is going? Are you having a moral breakdown?"

"Actually, yes. It was all wrong. I practically forced you into doing something that up to that moment you had never thought being into."

"That wasn't forced in any way. I could have stopped you if I didn't want it. I don't know why but I found myself wanting that as well."

"You should have said no, stopped me, shouted at me, make me see I was loosing my mind, how wrong that was."

"You think that was wrong? So, what we have now is wrong too?"

"Having sex just for the fun of it, for the pleasure... That's just not me. But at the time I thought this was the most could get from you. I should have done things differently. Maybe talked to you about those confused feelings I was having. It'd have been the right thing to do but I didn't have the courage to. I couldn't bear you walking away. So I choose this stupid way. I'm not proud of that." Jonas took a little pause. Erik could see his eyes becoming red. When Jonas spoke again his voice was failing. "Baby, you deserved better, I should have treated you better."

"Then we made mistakes, we both deserved better. What is done is done. We can't change that but we're doing things right now. Shouldn't that matter? I mean, I don't get what is the issue here?"

"Be honest with me, Erik. Had that first night never happened, would you ever fall in love with me? Honestly."

"No, I don't think so." Erik hated to admit that but Jonas has asked his honesty. His words got him sobbing. Erik tried to get closer and put his arm around Jonas' shoulder only to get pushed away.

"I feel like I forced you to fall for me. That's completely wrong. Something so precious like falling in love should happen naturally."

"Maybe I just needed that little push to see that what I was looking for wasn't what I expected and had been near me all along. Yeah, it was unexpected but man do I love you. And the love you give me back every single day is something words cannot describe. I've dated a few girls before but never felt this much loved. No one has loved me like you do. And if we were still just best friends I'd never get to know this affectionate, loving side of you. I'd be missing a whole lot." Erik used his fingers to wipe away his tears. "I don't like seeing you crying. Help me understand what is going on. I love you, unconditionally, Jonas. I'll repeat it again and again. As much as you need to hear it."

"I never questioned that. But is that unconditional love be enough some years from now? I'm afraid I might not be enough for you. That at some point you'll want more that I can give you."

"All I want from you is for you to be mine as I want to be yours. For the rest of our lives." Erik held Jonas' face in between his hands, looking him straight in the eyes. "Am I asking for too much?"

"You know, on the last Bundesliga match of the season, at home against Köln, I've watched you and Marco playing with his nephew after the match. It was the sweetest. You have a beautiful way with kids. You'll make a great father one day. But I can't give you that. I see you so excited for your niece to be born, and I imagine with time you'll get so attached to her and it's gonna be another painful reminder that I'm destroying your dream. Not only yours. I want my own children too and I'm not sure I want to give up on that."

"Having children is not gonna happen for any of us anytime soon, right? Why is this a issue now?"

"But might become one in the future. What if this turns out being a massive let down in our relationship? Yeah, it's not something to worry about now but this is a thought that every once in awhile bothers me. I can be yours and give all my love but is it gonna be enough when we see all our friends getting married and having their own family? Knowing we want that too but can't have it. In case you don't know, according to nowadays laws of Germany, we can't adopt either. It's ilegal a joint adoption by a same sex couple. Yes, we can be happy together now but what if this make us miserable in the future? We'll face others issues along the way, normal couples stuff, but I fear this in particular could break us. So, yes, it worries me."

"It's thoughtful of you to be worried about the future but can we please focus on the present, in what we're living now? You said you had made a decision but so far you're just confusing me."

"Erik, I do want to be in a relationship with you for the rest of my life." As Jonas said it Erik made a move to kiss but he stopped him. "However, I can't do that."

"What?" That was the last thing he expected to hear. It caught him completely off guard. "What...?"

"At least not yet. I need a break."

"Jonas, you wrote a hell of a post for everyone to know how happy we're, fighting for us to be together and now you want a break? So that was all in vain."

"It had to be done. I couldn't leave you alone with all that gossip giving you a hard time. The truth had to come out. But some times the truth doesn't solve all issues but bring new ones."

"Tell me what is it. I want to help you."

"My family. Or more like it, my mother. She was never actually okay with us together. She barely talked to me since that post. I think she believed that me liking another man was just a thing, that would be over as soon as I satisfied my curiosity. That post probably made her realize that this is real, that I'm serious about being in love with you. My father is a bit neutral, he's not excited but he's not disappointed as my mother. They're everything to me. Who I am and everything I've archieved I owe to them and how supportive they have always been of me. Erik, how am I supposed to be happy with you while not having their approval and support?"

"Jonas, you're a grown man, lives on your own place, pay your bills, do your job. You're independent. You can make your own choices, whether they like or not. I know they are important to you but this is your life. You can choose what makes 'you' happy even if they don't like it."

"Don't make me choose between you and my parents, Erik. You won't win this battle."

"I'm sorry."

"I might be independent, I can take care of myself but not being in good terms with my parents, I don't if I can take it. I'll take a chance and talk to them, mainly my mother, try to get them to at least accept my choice, what I want for my future. If that works I can start taking things the right way with you. "

"What if your mother doesn't change her mind? What if she still doesn't like me as your boyfriend?"

"Don't they say parents do anything to see their children happy? Maybe if I make her understand that. But given the moment, I have a though mission ahead of me."

"Given the moment? What doest that mean?"

"My brother got married a few months ago. Which I wished I could've taken you with me but I wasn't sure it was a good idea. Anyway, I'm happy for my brother but my mom keeps rubbing in my face how proud she is of him, that he has a 'normal' marriage, committing his future to a woman how it should be and so on."

"Jonas, love, you don't have to do this alone. If you want I can travel to Greece with you and we can talk to her together."

"No, I have to do this on my own. It's a family thing. And I wanna try to make them accept you as part of the family. Your family welcomed me wonderfully. It's not fair that mine won't treat you the same. I gotta deal with that and when I come back I'll have to settle down in the new club. So I need this break."

"If this is gonna help us, I can wait. I might not like it but I'll respect your need for some space."

"Erik, what if I can't do this? What if I let you go so you can be with someone who can actually make happen the things you probably had planned for your future, before we got involved. Would you forgive me?"

"It'd be a beautiful gesture if it wasn't stupid. Jonas, no one else will make me happier than you do. No one. Forget whatever plans I may have had once. I want to make new ones, with you. Listen, I can see right now you have so many conflicting stuff going on your head and you need time to figure all this out. But you should know something. I. Won't. Give. Up. On. Us!" Erik kissed him in between each word he said. "I won't give up on us. I just won't. I refuse. I want us to grow older together, surrounded by love until our last breath. Some bumps in our road won't change anything. Take all the time you need."

"Thank you for understanding."

"Jonas, I never thought I'd let a guy change my life the way you did. You're the only exception. My only exception. And I couldn't be more glad about it." Erik placed a kiss on his forehead. "I'll go home now but call me if you need anything, or even if you don't."

"I will."

"And Jonas, please, let this be the last time you ask for a break. It always gives me this awful fear that it'll turn out to be a goodbye. None of us want this to be a goodbye, right? I won't give up on us. Please, don't you give up either."

Before leaving Erik gave him one last tender kiss. Once in his car he rested his forehead against the steering wheel. Frustration hitting him. As good as things had been going so far, Jonas was right. To begin with, Erik would never put Jonas in such position, having to choose between him and his parents. What right did he have to want to win this? None. Which left him fearing in case things didn't go as they both would like. Would it be their end? It was painful just to think of this possibility.

He tried turning the radio on, pressing buttons randomly, not really paying attention which station he tuned in. As long as it cheered him up a bit, he just wanted anything to distract him. He soon realized it was helpless.

 _You touched my heart you touched my soul._  
_You changed my life and all my goals._

 _I've kissed your lips and held your head._  
_Shared your dreams and shared your bed._  
_I know you well, I know your smell._  
_I've been addicted to you._

 _I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile._  
_I've watched you sleeping for a while._  
_I'd spend a lifetime with you._

 _Goodbye my lover._  
_Goodbye my friend._  
_You have been the one._  
_You have been the one for me._

 _I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow._  
_I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow._

Nothing is so bad that can't get worse, right? Listening to that sad song in that moment was completely unnecessary. As he heard the lyrics he felt that awful feeling on his heart. He didn't really need that. By the end of the song he was the one who couldn't control his tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This last song is 'Goodbye my lover - James Blunt' (the whole lyrics is pure heartbreak). I promise this is the last time they need a break. Whatever they decide afterwards will be definitive. Be it for good or not good at all. Next chapter will be under Jonas' perspective.
> 
> So... Thoughts? I'd love to know what you think of it. Comments and kudos are really appreciated and motivating.


	61. "May I have your bless?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jonas goes on vacation with his family to Greece. With a mission in his mind.
> 
> So, this chapter has mentions of Jonas' brother and a fictional wife of him. Ben and Hannah, both fictional names. And Hellene, if you don't remember once it has been so long, is Jonas ex. And there's a small time jump, this chapter takes place mid June.
> 
> This story is entirely fictional, written for fun and for the reader's fun. (Of course I know you know that, I just like keeping the reminder).
> 
> Hope you like it.

Chapter 61 - May I have your bless?

Jonas spent his first week in Greece visiting touristics points with his family. His parents were very interested in knowing more about the culture of the place whenever they traveled somewhere. Jonas and his brother going along, also finding themselves interested about that country of beautiful architecture and historical places. But the best of it was the time they were spending together in family, something that due to their jobs wasn't often possible through the year. Even better, Jonas was getting to talk to his mother over a lot of things without her make any remark to her opposition to his relationship, not even making the slightest mention to it. It made him feel a bit more positive for the conversation he planned to have with her, which he was still gathering the courage for.

Next, they traveled to Mykonos, to enjoy the nice weather and relax on the island. It was another beautiful place but Jonas knew he'd like it even more had Erik been there with him. Through these days he'd always take some time and exchange messages. Erik being in Spain telling what he was up to there and Jonas telling him about Greece. Erik never pressured him to know if he had had that conversation with his mother. Jonas could imagine he was probably anxious to know the outcome of it but was polite by waiting for Jonas to tell him whenever he was ready.

It seemed like Erik could surprise him in ways he didn't expected. In the hotel room he shared with his brother, Jonas was going through his luggage when he saw something he didn't remember bringing. Underneath one of his shirts he found the photo album he had given Erik on Valentines Day. But how could it be there, he surely didn't pack it. Opening it, Jonas found a little note with Erik's handwriting on it.

 _'A picture is worth a thousand words'_  
_Just in case words doesn't work. Ps: I took some pictures out that could possibly be 'too intimate for your mothers eyes'. I don't think she'd appreciate seeing one of those you took of me sleeping half naked =P. Besides, those are for your eyes only._  
_Enjoy your time in Greece. Love, yours._

Oh, Erik. He must have slipped it in without him knowing. He still came up with a way of helping him, the little he could after been told he didn't need to. Yeah, he really wasn't giving up. He himself wasn't either. But talking to his mother would be though. He had some ideas of things to say but he could bet he'd end up messing up an forgetting some in the moment. He wanted so much for this to work that he wasn't prepared in case it didn't. The next day. He knew he couldn't keep avoiding it, this conversation had to take place, soon. He'd find a perfect timing for that whenever he could get alone with her. For now he left the photo album on the bed near the pillow and exited his room.

That night he and his brother would be going out together to enjoy some of Mykonos' nightlife. Walking around the island trying to find some place they liked. In their way the went by a LGBT club. His brother couldn't help but to joke.

"We could stop here if you want. I'm sure you fit in."

"Nah, most people probably go there to know other people, I have my own special guy waiting for me home. But if you want to go in and try a new environment, I can make you company." Jonas joked back.

Ben lightly punched his shoulder and they both laughed. They walked some more minutes until they found a bar that caught their attention. It wasn't as crowed as some of places they went by before and there was some live music being played by a local band. They stopped there for a beer and to catch up, his brother telling him about his newlywed life.

"... wish Hannah could have made it here. But being a nurse working on the emergency room is often busy, even more now on holidays period. I offered to stay with her but she was ok with me coming, understanding I needed to spend some days with family. She's the sweetest. Love that woman... What about you, bro? This is quite a relaxing place and yet you seem a little anxious."

"I want to settle down but before I can start doing something about it, I gotta deal with our parents, mostly mom. She's not taking well my relationship. And I can't fully dedicate myself into one without their support. I know I have yours, which I'm really thankful for you accepting me right when I first told you."

"Jonas, our generation are more open to the freedom of being whoever you want to be, loving whoever you love and some other things. People our age are usually more understanding and accepting of it. Now, our parents are more into old traditional ways, as they raised us. We came from a family where every one married their school sweethearts. Our parents are, Hannah and I, and as you and Hellene were. Like a family tradition. However, you not only not married her but you're getting serious with another man. Try to understand mom's side too. Maybe she doesn't know how to deal with this change, she probably doesn't think what you feel for him is normal, or thinks that a man cannot love another the same way as if loving a woman. Dad probably thinks about the same but at least he's learning to be okay with whatever you want for your life."

"I don't know if I can make her understand my side. And I fear losing Erik. He says he's okay with taking another break so I can deal with whatever I have to but deep down he's having enough. I know that because I myself am sick of going forward and backward with this relationship. What if takes too long till I can count on having our parents approval? What if Erik gets tired of waiting and decides not to have me back? Just the thought of it makes me panic."

"Lets get real here, Jonas. One day you tell mom you're making plans to propose to Hellene and she gets beyond excited with the news. Her son getting married is an important occasion. And she had Hellene on her good side, mom really liked her. She was already having ideas for your special day, she even suggested we could have both weddings together, mine and yours. However, some months later we hear it's all over between you and Hellene. We both know mom didn't take it well, so much so she still tried to get you two back together."

"Oh, tell me about it. I hate that I've disappointed mom. But I had to move on. Now I just have to get her to at least be okay with me committing my future to Erik. I plan talking to her tomorrow but I'm still picking up the courage for it."

"Mom loves you, Jonas. Even if she's giving you a hard time now, she loves you. I have no doubt, if that special day comes to you and Erik, mom is gonna be there for you, so will dad and so will I. They just might need more time to process what is happening. In the end they will stand by their beloved son."

"I don't know why but I just don't feel this optimist."

"This will work out, bro. You just gotta be patient till then. You're trying to do things the right way, one day your efforts will be paid off. Now, just relax a little, before you get all tensed up again with those a worries on your mind."

About an hour later they walked back to their hotel room. Ben made sure to keep Jonas distracted by talking about random stuff. It was working, he was more easy going, back to making little jokes. Jonas was still laughing from something his brother had said when he opened the door. What he saw next made him stop dead on his track, his brother almost colliding onto him. His mother was sitting on his bed, his photo album opened in her hands as she looked at it.

"Hm... I'll see if dad wants some company. Maybe a chess match, who knows." Ben said, guessing they'd appreciate some time alone. Before leaving he patted at his younger brother's shoulder, a voiceless good luck wish.

"Mom...?" It was the only word Jonas could let out as he walked with caution into the room, sitting on the other bed, in front of her.

"Whenever people talked about these same sex relationships I never gave any attention to it. As the saying goes, you never really care until it happens to you, or within your family." His mother started, her eyes still going through the pictures of him and Erik. "Nowadays people your age, young adults, seem to like to explore life, to try different experiences, to engage into new adventures. I confess I thought this was your case. At first I didn't worry, it'd be over soon, I supposed. I didn't believe you were serious about this. These pictures, all I see is a lot of joy and pure love. This one is my favorite." She showed him the one where Erik and him were looking at one another, smiling brightly.

"That was back in Rio de Janeiro, January 1st, we had just agreed on making our dating official. A friend of ours snapped this picture while we're having breakfast, we hadn't realized it at the time."

"Which makes this photo even better. There was no posing for it. The simple spontaneousness of it makes it better, more special." She said and this time she looked at him. "I didn't believe in you when you told me your feelings for him were real. And for that I'm truly sorry."

"I don't... Mom, there's no need…" Jonas barely knew what to say next. From all the reactions he expected from her apologizing was not one of them.

"I'm sorry that at some point I was harsh on you. I just didn't understand what was going on with you. Your dad and I raised you and your brother exactly the same way, doing the best we could for you two. But I wonder if I did any mistake when it comes to you. I know my son, you were never into man before. You spent years head over heels in love with a lovely woman then one day it all falls apart. As if it wasn't enough you tell me you're dating your best friend, a man. What did I miss?"

"Mom, you did nothing wrong, please don't blame yourself for something that is no one's fault. Ben would agree with me when I say that we grew up with amazing parents who taught us important life lessons, to be decent human beings, to go after what we want without doing any bad to people on our way up to do so. I know you deeply cared about Hellene and how much you wanted us together but what was I supposed to do? To keep dragging a relationship that no longer worked? That would have hurt both of us. We ended up drawing apart from one another bit by bit and we fell out of love. The two of us were aware of it and so with broke up, upset that our story was over after a few years together, but in good terms. She deserves someone who will love her everyday for the rest of her life. However, that's not me. And I guess I kinda deserve the same"

"Do you think Erik will?"

"I don't think. I'm absolutely sure he will. He's just as crazy about me as I'm about him. He's a sweet and gentle guy. A bit shy for the ones who doesn't know him. But once you earn his trust, you earn a great friend. Which didn't take long for me, we liked each other right from the first time we met. I shared my place with him and so we built this friendship we had. And I have seen him struggle with girlfriends. Now and then he'd meet a new girl and get all excited and hopeful. With time I'd see him getting frustrated and then soon it was over. I've seen this happen again and again. And I was always there to comfort him, to cheer him up. I don't think any of those girls truly understood him or the job he had. One of them broke up because Erik didn't dedicate much time for her. C'mon, if you wanna date a football player you gotta deal with spending time away from another. Then there was this girl that would easily get jealous because of his fans. Nonsense. He does have great fans who actually support him as an athlete. There is much more to him than his charming appearance and a good amount of fans understand that. I never had any issues with the attention he gets.  Anyway, he tends to feel a little uncomfortable around woman. I only see him fully at easy with his mother, sister and one friend of ours."

"The one he's often seen going out with, having dinner together? I was under the impression he likes her. Didn't you yourself tell me he had a thing for her."

"Sophia, yes. To be honest, I believe he'd have fallen for her if we were still best friends. She could be a good match for him. But I did get to him first, and he loves me. Whatever thing he had for her is gone. Besides, I don't think she'd love him back. She became a really good friend of ours. She's been nothing but helpful to us. As a journalist herself she could have easily given us away but instead she's tried to protect us. She helped me writing that post about me and Erik, making it more formal and avoiding getting too personal. I'd have bragged about it had I written it on my own. Could have been too much just for a note."

"I read that. It was when I realized you were pretty serious about this relationship with Erik. Yet, I didn't want to believe that. I still feel in denial about you loving another man. I know you're happy but it still doesn't sound right me."

"I was scared too, mom. Never in my life I thought I'd have feelings for another man. I also didn't know how to deal with this new situation. I started seeing Erik, till then my best friend, under a new perspective. I was afraid because that was never supposed to happen. The more I missed him the more these feelings grew stronger. I didn't know it was love. Like you I thought it was just an attraction, that it'd go away. I was awfully wrong. I got the answers I was looking for but the feelings were still there. I needed him around me. Some time later and I wanted to keep him close to me more than ever. I knew I had falling for him. And he fell for me too. We fell for the complicity, trust, support, understanding, passion, loyalty, friendship and respect we have for one another. We get so perfectly along, we've never argued before. A few bad timings, yes but not for long, we simply can't stand staying away from the other. I think I kinda mean to Erik the relationship that he hadn't found with a girl."

"Jonas, I must admit deep inside I was proud by the courage you showed when you came out as Erik's boyfriend in that post, even if I never let it show. You need to be really sure of it to take the risks it could bring. Maybe you think you can handle the repercution but have you actually stopped to think how it's for your family? It's nice to see the support, people happy for you two, however, reading dreadful comments about my son is not something I should be through. It's something I feel like I can't protect you from. Makes me want to talk you into giving this all up. What if it evolves to actual physical violence? Don't you and Erik fear that?"

"Yes, a bit. You never know, there are all kinds of crazy people out there. But that doesn't make us want to give up. I rather have to fight for what we want rather then giving up or taking an easy way out. Like one where I'd bottle up my feelings and go ahead with marrying Hellene. Just to find myself miserable in the future. Or even worse, be that kind of guy who cheats the wife with another man to satisfy all the feelings he had to keep to himself. That's just disgusting behavior. You and dad taught me to be a much better person than that. So, I want to do what feels right."

"I appreciate you trying to help me comprehend what you're going through, being open about it to me. I must confess, tough, you, my son, being gay... It still feels unrealistic, hard to believe."

"Mom, I'm the same old Jonas, your son. This is not gonna change me. If you're scared of me getting into any gay stereotypes, don't be. Yes, some people get into it and others not, whatever makes them happy, whatever makes them feel better, it's okay. Me? Nothing is changing, not the way I dress, not the way I act or behave. I just love someone who happens to be a man, apart from that, I'm just the same."

"What about Erik's parents? What do they think of this relationship?"

"They really like me, treat me as if I were their own son. They support him in anything he decides for his life. I wish you and dad could accept him the same way. I wish I could bring him home, that he could be part of my family just as I already feel part of his."

"What made you choose him?"

"Mom, was it your choice to fall for dad?"

"No."

"Neither was mine to fall for Erik. You don't have control over it. It just happens. Falling in love is the same process for every one, Now I do have a choice in what I want to do with what I feel. And I don't want to waste such precious feeling that is loving someone. I love Erik, I want to commit myself to him for the rest of my life. He's the one I want, the one who is gonna love me endlessly, I want to see him smiling brightly and know that I'm the reason behind it. I want to dedicate myself totally to make him the happiest person like he'll do me. I'm sure it's him. No one else." Jonas said and reached for his mothers hand. "Now I know Erik isn't who you'd like me to be with but I want him. But I can't be peacefully into this relationship without you and dad's support. I love you two so much and I'm extremely thankful for everything you've done for me. I know I may be asking for a lot but please at least tolerate us if you can't fully accept my decision. It'd mean a lot to me."

"Jonas, as a mother I want the best for my sons. Every mother wants that. And I admit I never saw Erik as the best for you. Nothing against him, no judgments, after all I know about him is what you tell me, not that much. I just don't think this kind of relationship is appropriate. Doesn't dating a man feel wrong to you?"

"You see, this is a problem. You just see him as a man, mom. He being a man didn't make me fall for him. I fell for who he is, his beautiful mind and soul. For the way he cares about me. How could it feel any wrong to be so intensively loved? How could it feel wrong to make someone happy? I can't see any issue with it or anything wrong. Mom, are you ashamed of me for this?"

"No, I am not. I can't imagine how much you've struggled dealing this new reality, but you're not hiding from anything, you're doing whatever you can to keep faithful to what you want, even when it means exposing yourself. That takes some courage. It's not about being ashamed, dear. Maybe I just need time to get used to what you're living now. I didn't want to believe this was for real but those pictures of you two just show me how wrong I was."

"Ben told me you'd probably need time. But do I have at least any chance of you be willing to support me and Erik? I've heard stories of some people who doesn't have their parents approval.They aren't fully happy, there's always this suffering that breaking apart from family brings, from the people they thought they could always count on. Or even worse, some people give up their own happiness fearing losing their family affection. I feel bad for them. You and dad have been supporting me through all the moments of my life. I didn't want that to change now. It'd mean so much to me having my family being there for me. Otherwise, I don't know how I could do it, having to choose between my family and the man who is my everything. I fear losing you & dad and that fear itself would make me lose Erik. "

"Jonas, the same way you fear loosing our support I also fear losing my son's affection. Do you think I liked giving you hard time? Absolutely not. By the time I thought I was doing the right thing, trying to get you out of something I didn't believe to be the best for you. Now, I see how wrong I was, and again, I'm sorry for that. I figured that not always what I believe to be the best for you actually is. Only you know what is best for yourself. I love you so much, my dear. It'd break my heart to see you miserable, I'd never forgive myself. I'd do anything to see my son happy. If Erik will be part of it I'll eventually learn to accept and welcome him. For you, my dear. But he better be perfect to my incredible son. And if he ever do you wrong, we'll have a serious problem."

"I hardly think this will ever be an issue. Could I bring him home sometime? So he can get to know better my amazing parents and for you to know more about him."

"Of course. As long as the two of you don't get too affectionated around us. I'm willing to accept this relationship for you but that could make me uncomfortable."

"Anything you want, mom." Jonas moved to the other bed to sit closer to her, still holding her hand. "As I spoke, my decision is done and I'm 100% sure of it. I want to commit to Erik and spend the rest of my life by his side. All I need to know is: Mom, may I have your blessing?"

"Jonas, my dear, life is no fairy tale, there are many 'no happy endings' out there. You know that right?" His mother made a little pause and that was enough for him to become apprehensive for what she'd say next. "Be thankful this won't be your case. I can't look past these pictures and ignore this bliss that surrounds you both whenever you're together. I'm sorry for thinking I could choose what was best for you and trying to impose my opnion. Only you'd know that. If Erik is gonna love you like you deserve then go ahead, follow your heart, be happy. If I were to be against that it'd only hurt us both, and eventually your dad and Ben would be caught up in that hurt too. No one of us would want that. What I mean Is: yes, Jonas, you have my blessing. Be happy beside the person you love."

In that moment Jonas felt overwhelmed. He finally had what he wished. His mother's acceptance. Well, he knew it would take some time for her to fully accept it but he had her support, she understood how serious this relationship was to him. This is what mattered the most in that moment. He wanted to say thank you but his emotion left him voiceless. Jonas simply hugged his mom, trying to express his gratitude through it. She seemed to understand it and held him tight in her arms, staying like this for a while. Jonas didn't even realized the door had been opened. His attention only came back to normal when he felt another pair of arms around him. His brother joined their hug. Jonas saw his das standing nearby.

"I figured you'd be talking to mom about Erik so I talked to dad about what you've told me before. A little help wouldn't hurt, right?"

"Dad...?"

"We'll be there for you, son. Whenever you need. We all love you. We all want you to find your own hapinesss, be it with whomever you want, doing whatever you want. You just have one life, living it with regrets wouldn't allow you to enjoy it to its fullest."

And so his father also joined that hug. Jonas was surrounded by his family, people he loved the most, along Erik. He couldn't hold back tears of happiness. He finally felt the peace he had been seeking. Knowing his family was on his side, no more arguing with his mother. And that Erik would be waiting for him home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But of course I wouldn't keep hurting Jonas. We can all agree he had enough already, right? Btw, thanks so much for 7k hits. Thanks for still sticking with this story even after two long breaks. 
> 
> So.... What did you think of it? I'd love to know! Comments and kudos are very appreciated. The feedback is what keeps me going with this story.


	62. Kept in the dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik's holidays doesn't go as he had expected and he faces a setback.
> 
> Hi everybody! I was thinking about continuing this story, I want to give it closure but wasn't sure about doing so. If there would still be people interested on keep reading it. I'm giving it another try and see the feedback.
> 
> Since it has been almost a year since the last update, I'll remind you the timeline. The last we saw was Jonas talking to his parents. Now the last part of this chapter takes place in August/2016.
> 
> Soon on following chapters I'll probably do time jumps to get to the present time. I used to use a few real life events as inspiration but will no longer do. So will be purely fiction and also, no longer explicit. It's gonna be a light writing now on.
> 
> Hope you like the new chapter.

Chapter 62 - Kept in the dark

Erik enjoyed some good days in Spain with friends. Missing Jonas every single day, but at least they stayed in touch. He had been curious whether Jonas had made any progress with his mom but didn't feel like asking about it, it was like putting Jonas under pressure and he didn't need it at that moment. He didn't like the wait but would wait for whenever Jonas would be ready to talk. Besides on their last phone call they had decided to put a little distance in order to enjoy their holidays with their own families, once spending time with them through out the season wasn't easy due to the frequent travels to play their matches.

Throughtout his days there he got recognized a few times, nothing exactly new about it. But he realized he hadn't thought about how people would react to him now that his relationship with Jonas was publicly known. Would they treat him any different? Gladly the ones who approached him for a picture were as nice as usual. There was even a guy who actually congratulated him for not denying the truth and for coming out. The guy happened to have a brother that didn't feel comfortable doing the same, that didn't feel safe or free to be who he truly was. And that he hoped that seeing cases like his and Jonas would help him come out one day. Erik thanked him and wished for best for that guy and his bother. Thinking about it later, he wasn't sure if it was exactly a good thing to be inspiration for anybody. Homosexuality was a complicated subject. He was lucky things went well for him, but other people could face worse issues coming out.

But not everything went as he expected. Out of nowhere, he started to feel some pain on his right knee. As it disappeared soon he didn't worry about it. However, on the following days he felt the pain come and go sometimes. Bothering him a bit once or twice. He didn't give it much importance and enjoyed the rest of his holidays.

Once back from the holidays, still feeling the knee slightly painful a couple times he stopped by the training ground earlier than the scheduled day for everyone. After talking to the team's doctors and doing some medical exams he was sent to do some rehab near Munich, again. On the first day there he went through planning some exercises for the next two weeks and then he'd do another medical exam to evaluate the progress.

Playing in different teams meant different working schedules. Well, they already knew it'd happen. What they didn't know was that it'd get crazy that soon. Erik spent two weeks on the south, there was improvement on his treatment and he was called back to Dortmund to join the team for the Asia trip. Meanwhile Jonas had been in Gladbach settling down in the city and among his new team mates. Then came the time to travel to Switzerland for training camp. And just as his team headed there Dortmund's team returned home. They rarely had time to see each other. If that was a preview of how things would be now on then they weren't liking it much. The distance was beginning to taking its toll on them. Exchanging messages and video chatting wasn't being enough to bear how much they missed being around one another.

The begining of the new season was right in the corner when Erik received bad news. After doing the best he could, following recommendations and doing rehab his knee's recovery was still instable. For times it showed improvement but the pain would eventually come back. Unfortunately, there was not other way. He was told he would be going under surgery to eliminate the issue once for all. Of course he didn't like it, he'd lose a few months while recovering but if that meant he'd get rid of the issue once for all, then it was better to get over it soon.

The night before the surgery, before going to sleep, Erik and Jonas talked through messages. Jonas asked him about how the treatment was going but Erik didn't had the courage to give the bad news. He hated hiding the truth but he knew Jonas would get worried about him. And that was the last thing Erik wanted at the moment. Jonas was focused on his new team and he didn't want to get in the way of his process of settling down.

His mother took him to the hospital the next day. She'd be making him company before an after the surgery. It didn't take long to the doctor come to him and explain the procedure. Some time later he was put on medication and in matters of seconds everything went dark.

He didn't know how long it went by until he felt regaining consciousness. He was laying in bed, his upper body slightly inclined upwards. His right leg wrapped in bandage. His mother had been sitting nearby reading a book and when she noticed he had woken up she called the doctor. Minutes later the doctor stopped by to check on him and gave him the good news that the surgery was successful without any setback.

"How are you feeling, dear?" His mother asked once the doctor left the room.

"Still a little dizzy from the anesthesia but okay."

"While you were in there I went back to your place. I picked some more stuff, in case you needed."

"I had already packed everything I needed."

"Given how you every now and then forget things I just wanted to be sure you didn't miss anything."

"Thanks, mom."

"I'll call your dad to let him know everything went well. I'll come back soon." She said and exited the room.

Erik reached for his cell phone. There was some new messages but none from Jonas. He knew he couldn't blame him after all he had no idea what Erik had just been through. Jonas was probably busy at work. Erik wanted to call him, even not being sure if he was done with training. He wondered for a little while if he should call or not. He would give it a try. After a few rings, Erik finally heard the voice he loved so much.

"Hey, Erik. What's up?"

"Hi, Jonas. Are you still at work?"

"No, I just had training this morning. Off for the rest of the day."

"Do you think you could make it to Dortmund today?"

"I don't know. Why?"

"There's something I got to tell you."

"What would it be? That you just had a surgery and didn't even let me know?"

"You know? How?"

"Does it matter? I'm pretty upset at you right now. How could you not tell me? I'm your boyfriend! Or maybe I'm not as important to you as you made me believe to be. Really, you thought I wouldn't worry?"

"What? No, that's not what I..." Erik started to speak after noticing the annoyance on Jonas' voice.

"No, you don't get to talk. Besides, I have something important to do. Talk to you later, maybe."

Erik looked to his cell phone confused. Did Jonas just hang up on him? He had never done that before. Yeah, maybe he should have let him know but he couldn't imagine this would piss him off. After all, it wasn't even a complicated surgery. Something was off. He tried calling again and noticed Jonas intentionally turned down the call. He wouldn't leave it that way. He'd insist with a message. He began typing when...

"My boyfriend undergoes surgery and I'm the last to know. Yeah, I have the right to be upset." Jonas said standing on the doorway. Erik could barely believe in his own eyes. Was he still under some medicine effect that was making him imagine things was or Jonas really there? "But upset doesn't come even closer to what I'm really felling right now."

"Love..." Erik tried using the nickname he used for Jonas in hopes to ease his boyfriend's annoyance.

"All I've been doing lately was to miss you, baby. So much that the distance was starting to hurt. There will be time for me to be annoyed at you later and you bet I'll be. It's just that now all I want to do is this."

Jonas walked inside and stood beside his bed. He leaned down and carefully hugged him. Erik immediately put his arms around him as well and both felt in heaven being held into each other's arms after what felt like eternity, after being away from far too long for their liking. How long they stayed in that hug? None of them knew, none of them wanted to let go. That surely wasn't any kind of hallucination. Jonas' embrace felt beyond real. They were united again! Jonas was the one to let go first placing a kiss to Erik's forehead afterwards.

"Sadly I won't be able to stay longer. Visiting time ends in about half an hour. I'd like to stay more time but they'll probably kick me out since I'm not family. Not officially, yet." Jonas said while he pulled a chair to sit near Erik's bed.

"One word and we could change that."

"I don't believe an hospital room is a proper place for that word and rushing it isn't a good idea either, you know that."

"I was just kidding, relax."

"Relax? Erik, you're lucky my annoyance at you isn't bigger than how much I've missed you. Anyway, how was the surgery, darling?"

"Good. The doctor said it went as expected. I should be out in a few days."

"You know, I drove to your place, hoping I could surprise you. It was empty. Then I called you and nothing. I reached for Bürki who told you hadn't showed up for training for 3 days in a row. That itself already didn't sound right. Then I see your mother pulling up on the drive way, on her own. For a minute I felt scared something had happened. And even she was surprised that you haven't told me about the surgery."

"I'm sorry for keeping you in the dark about it. I didn't want to leave you worried. That could mess with your focus while settling into the new team. I didn't want that to happen. Besides, it's not a severe injury. We've tried everything we could to avoid the surgery but it didn't work. The inflammation wouldn't go away. In about two weeks I should start rehab and if everything goes right I should be back in training in about 2-3 months."

"Worrying is part of caring. I'll always worry no matter what. Keeping things from me only makes it worse. I hate being kept in the dark and I bet you wouldn't like it either if it was the other way around. I appreciate that you want me to succeed on my new team but at the cost of not knowing what is going on with you? Injuries can happen and yes, I'll worry but I still can do my job."

"I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize. Just don't ever keep anything from me. Be it about injuries or anything else. You have to thrust that I can handle whatever comes our way the same way I thrust you're capable of. Right know I'm upset for you and worried that you had to have this surgery, but you'll recover soon."

"I'll miss some matches but now that it was taken care off I can look forward to work my way back stronger. I'm doing fine, don't worry. I'm just looking out for the future, positively. And you? How are things going in Gladbach?"

"I'm pretty excited for what's to come and what we can achieve. Dieter Hecking, our new coach, is showing us he believes in our potential, as a group and individually as well. I'm getting along better with Korb, Hermann and Kramer. But everyone welcomed me well there."

"Did anyone give you a hard time about you dating another guy?" Erik asked.

"I kinda prepared myself to be ready to face gossip about it but there wasn't a single word on it. If someone has something against it, no one never expressed it. And I don't go around talking about it, after all, my life outside my job is my own business and I rather keep it to myself. So far things are going fine."

"I have to say, it's still weird walking into the locker room and see that number 7, knowing it doesn't belong to you anymore. Dembelé has it now. Deep down I wished it was still yours. However, new season, new players and we have to welcome the changes. I'm getting along very well with Bartra. He's a friendly guy. And now we also have Götze back to our team."

"I'm a bit curious to know how Marco is handling Mario's return. There seemed to be some unresolved business between them when Mario left."

"They're in a good place, they both moved on. Maybe they had a conversation to settle things down so they could work together again. Whatever they did, they're getting along just fine."

"That's good for them. I don't know if I could do it having unfinished issues. How painful could it be having to work day by day beside the one you love having to suppress your true feelings and act like the person is just as a friend to you as anyone else is. It must be awful."

"The best thing is: you won't have to. So, lets not talk about them, right? You'll have to leave soon so lets talk about us. I've been holding myself from asking this, I don't want to pressure you but I'm dying to know whether you talked to your family. Or if you still need help with that."

"I'm not sure a hospital is the place for us to talk about it. I figured the long I waited it wouldn't do me good so I talked to my mother. I'll tell you everything, until then there's no reason to be worried."

"It's good news, isn't?"

"Can't you just wait, I'll tell you in due time."

"It's good. Your smile is giving it away, Jonas."

"See, no need to worry. We'll talk when you go home."

"Can we go now?" Erik joked.

"You wish. And I don't think they'd let me kidnap you so you'll have to wait a few more days."

"So you tell me you don't like to be kept in the dark but you're just doing the same to me right now."

"But at least it's gonna be worthy. Trust me."

"Jonas, dear... "Erik said as he placed his hand on Jonas' face, caressing his cheek. "You have no idea how I missed you. Thanks for being here."

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. And, yes, I do have an idea on how it feels missing someone, I missed you just as much. However, I'm still annoyed at you, just so you know. "

"Really?" Erik asked with a smile on his face.

 "No" Jonas replied and they laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So....? Enjoyed the new chapter? Leave kudos if you feel like and let me know your thoughts. They inspire and motivate me to continue.


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